Sunday, August 13, 2023

Chasan steps on Kallah's foot to be boss?

Medrash Talpiot (Os Ches - Anaf Chasan v’Kallah page 272): In the sefer Chesed l’Avaraham (4:48) it says that it is is not proper to place the female to the right of her husband but she should be placed on his left. In contrast when the kallah stands under the chupah at the time when the seven berachos are recited is required for her to stand to the right of the chasan... The reason for this is a major secret and remedy. If the chasan is careful to put his right foot on the kallah’s left foot at the time of seven berachos, it will give him the power to rule over her all of his days and she will be subservient to him and obey everything he says. However if the kallah is careful and places her left foot on chasan’s right foot then she will rule over him all of her days.

Shulchan HaEzer (Vol 2 Simon 8:24 page 50a): Another explanation for the breaking of the glass with the right foot is based on the Medrash Talpiot that if the Chasan is careful to place his right foot on the left foot of the kallah during the reciting of the 7 Berachos then it is a remedy to ensure that he rules over her all his life and she will obey him in all matters. And if he doesn’t succeed the opposite can happen that she will rule over him for all his life. And it has been suggested that this remedy be done away with. Therefore in order to avoid this and that neither the chasan or kallah should rule over the other the chasan was distracted with the breaking of the glass and consequently will not get involved in trying to step on his kallah’s foot. However look at the Segulos Yisroel (8:27), that some say that this remedy should be done after the chupah when he has gone to live with his kallah’s family that he should do this remedy and it works.


  1. Rav Avigdor Miller zt'l said a husband is King and Captain and the ultimate authority but should consult with his wife, the Queen and First Mate. But there can only be one authority.

  2. See Rambam here:

  3. Is the Sefer suggesting this idea particularly for the Chosson, as R. Eidensohn's headline here suggests? Or is the Sefer suggesting this idea can be done either by the Chosson or Kallah, equally, as I seem to be reading it?

    Btw, if the Chosson did this, people who noticed it would be a lot more understanding and tolerant of it than if the Kallah tried to pull it off.

    1. I originally posted the Nitai Gavriel which only mentions the chassan - but he footnotes a number of sources including the one I just translated. Here it clearly states that it can work either way. It would seem according to this sources there is an interesting scene of the chasan and kallah struggling to be the one to step first on the spouse's foot.

    2. What is the maare makpm for the Nitai Gavriel that you posted and subsequently removed?

      And what does it say in it?

  4. One more thing for the nations to point to and praise our great wisdom and understanding, IMHO..


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