Weiss Dodelson: Primary problem isn't how to make divorce easy or equitable - it is to convince couples to work on their marriage

  I received the following question in one of the comments. It is a reoccuring question - especially for new readers who have not followed the discussion from the beginning. Therefore I am reposting his question and my answer.

DanielDecember 15, 2013 at 6:17 PM wrote:

R Eidensohn-

I apologize if this was something you addressed in an earlier post. Can you clarify the position you maintain regarding a woman who feels trapped in a marriage.

I think everyone can agree on a few salient points:

a- The pressure to marry early, and often after only a few weeks of meeting a person, will yield many "wrong" matches.
b- It is better that when a couple have irreconcilable differences both sides deserve freedom to go on with their lives.
c- the corruption of batei din is a "davar yaduah" and many people are concerned when dealing with a B"D.

With these ideas in mind (if you disagree with these assumptions, please respond) what is a woman supposed to do if she is trapped in a loveless marriage? Is she supposed to remain trapped? Is applying terms "moredet" really applicable? Do we really believe nowadays a woman is "commanded" to "obey" her husband? Can she only apply for divorce if he agrees? Another term that I have seen on your site and others is "maus aly." I also think that term is antiquated in our society. Meaning, a woman who doesn't want to live with her husband should not be forced to. Also her choice not to remain married in no way compromises her claims to custody and support. Also using a get as financial leverage is inherently unfair because the bias is on the man's side.

Towards a solution, I don't understand why every B"D can not demand a get and then hold the p'tur until the the resolution of the conflict? Lastly, when there is no unified B"D system what koach does one court have over another to force anyone to do anything? What are your solutions to preventing the next agunah?

I responded

 Daas TorahDecember 15, 2013 at 7:06 PM

yes Daniel your questions have been discussed in great detail in previous posts

I am not going into a repeat that which is readily available by reading past posts and discussion. Let me just state something which you have failed to include in your list of important concerns.

When two people marry - whether it is because of an arranged match, 6 dates, 4 years of dating or living together for 5 years - there is a possibility that one or both will feel that they could do better after 1 day or 20 years of marriage. The question now is what should be the response if your daughter or son come to you after 6 months or a year  of marriage and says - "I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with him/her. He/shey bores/irritates/repulses me and I feel I can do better because obviously this is not my beshert."

You refer to such couples as "trapped". You might be aware there is a profession called marital counseling which in fact deals with couples with such problems. Many times it is possible to change the relationship to a positive one. Marriage is usually not something that works without effort. For some that effort has to be primarily in the beginning and others need constant vigilance and others have marriages fall apart after 30 years. Rav Shlomo Zalman once agreed that a particular couple with mental health issues could get married but only on the condition that they agreed to go to marriage counselling for 20 years and the money set aside in advance. I know a young lady who decided she had made a mistake after a week of marriage because she thought her husband's nose looked funny.

It is clear that the halacha does not accept the idea of divorce on demand - something which according to secular society for the last 20 years - is a G-d given right. It is expected in halacha that a couple who have married - especially if they have children - will not simply walk about from marital difficulties but will work on shalom bayis or marital harmony. This is important because it is clear that there is no such thing a divorce which doesn't have negative consequences - especially on children. Your questions are really only relevant after all avenues to achieve shalom bayis have failed.

In the present case Gital walked out of the marriage after 10 months and one child. Despite the pleading of her husband to make the marriage work - she agreed only to go to a therapist of her choice for no more than 4 sessions. The therapist said the marriage could be saved. Gital said she wasn't interested in saving the marriage. She left him saying "you are not a bad person just not for me".

What I am saying is that the halacha puts great emphasis on a stable family. That is really the issue - not the involvement of beis din. If obtaining a get is easy - there is no stability to family life. (And that has a negative ripple effect on the community.) There is no motivation to work at marriage. It is the Hollywood values system. As long as bells are ringing and birds are singing you know that this the right relationship.When the excitement dims that proves that it is time to move on to another relationship. For example it is not unusual when a doctor finishes his medical training - with the devoted support of his wife - he divorces her  for a better and more exciting woman. One Californian said, "When your wife turns 30 it is time for a change." That is not the Jewish way!

The Power of Vulnerability by Allan Katz

The Schechter blog post about great people making mistakes is not so much that they never make mistakes but they (should) embrace their vulnerability ownership of their mistakes and do Teshuvah.This is what earned Yehuda the kingship and the fear of his vulnerability that lost Saul his being king. Embracing vulnerability is important for making our personal lives and relationships more meaningful and an important trait of leaders . I share Brene Brown's research on the power of vulnerability   -  Using your real name on the web takes courage as you expose your vulnerability 

The Power of Vulnerablity (click this link for full article)

Brene Brown  has exposed the world to power of vulnerability and how vulnerability can make our lives better. Her TED talks on 'the power of vulnerability and listening to shame ' have had more than 15 million views.  Embracing vulnerability is also what characterizes great leaders and entrepreneurs, and what earned Judah – Yehuda, Jacob's son the honor of being the king and leader of the Jewish people. Judah admits and confesses that he is the father of the child, his daughter-in-law, Tamar is carrying. This public admission exposed his vulnerability and subjected him to the jibes of the populace. He could have protected his dignity by pretending to pardon Tamar .Instead he proclaimed – she is right , the signet ,the wrap and staff are from me , she is more righteous from me .Because Yehuda was able to judge himself and admit his mistakes he was given the role of king who would  be the judge of his people. In order to judge the people with 'truth, justice and peace ' one needs to appreciate the vulnerability of others.   It was the failure to expose vulnerability that caused Saul the king, to lose his crown to David. Instead of accepting the rebuke of the prophet Samuel for keeping alive the sheep, the women and Agag the king, Saul tried to justify his actions and not admit his sin.  King David admitted his wrong doing with Bat Shiva and   embraced his vulnerability. His kingship remained intact despite his sin. Rabbi David Lapin, the author of   Lead by Greatness   lists vulnerability as one of character traits that define great leaders. Vulnerability is the courage to admit and confront their own vulnerability. The owner of the largest advertising agency wholly owned by a woman in the USA, Gay Gaddis said that when you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity. Entrepreneurship is all about vulnerability. The source of Yehuda's embracing his vulnerability was the name his mother gave him. Leah gave thanks to G-d for enabling her to be the mother of one- third of Jacob's 12 sons .She had been granted more than her rightful share. The name Yehuda comes from the root ' o'deh' which means – I give thanks. It also means –I admit or confess. So Rabbi Lapin explains that when we are grateful and give thanks we are actually admitting and confessing we did not deserve it or we were not entitled to the goodness. Not only apologizing exposes our vulnerability, but also being grateful and offering thanks. [Click link above for rest]

Weiss Dodelson: Tzitz Eliezer - Halacha is binding even when it goes against your nature

I just came across this important Tzitz Eliezer (14:98) this Shabbos. He explains why we find that regarding the justification for a man divorcing his wife - the three views of Beis Shammai, Beis Hillel and Rabbi Akiva are the opposite of their normal views. He explains that Torah observance is not based on one's natural predisposition or personal feelings - but rather through trying to understanding  the Torah and Mesorah as to what G-d expects. Each of them decided that the Torah - in this case - was the opposite of their normal approach and thus they subjugated their natural feelings for what they considered right and wrong - to comply with what they felt the Torah wanted..

He is directly addressing the Dodelson supporter's assertion that the halachos of divorce are a chilul haShem and that they should be modified or ignored. While this Tzitz Eliezar is aleph beis to anyone who considers himself a ben Torah, there seem to be many who consider themselves to be frum who need to be reminded.

שו"ת ציץ אליעזר חלק יד סימן צח

ומפליא הדבר שבפלוגתא זאת שבין ב"ש ב"ה ור"ע מתי שמותר לו לאדם לגרש את אשתו אנו רואים לתנאים קדושים אלה כאילו כל אחד קובע בזה ההיפך מטבעו ומהנהגתו, בית שמאי הקפדן, כביטויו של חז"ל עליו בשבת ד' ל' ע"ב ואל יהא קפדן כשמאי הוא זה שסובר כאן שלא יהא בעל קפדן לגרש את אשתו משום שמצא אחרת נאה הימנה או משום שהקדיחה תבשילו והקניטתו, ולא יגרשנה אא"כ דוקא אם מצא בה ערות דבר, ובית הלל שאמרו עליו בשבת שם ענותן כהלל הוא זה שסובר כאן שמותר לו לבעל להקפיד ולהיות קפדן עד כדי לגרש את אשתו מפני זה שהקדיחה תבשילו, וכן רבי עקיבא שאמרו עליו חז"ל בתענית ד' כ"ה ע"ב שהיה מעביר על מדותיו, הוא זה שסובר בכאן ההיפך מהנהגתו ושאפי' אם הבעל מוצא אחרת נאה הימנה יגרשנה, וזה אומר דרשוני?

ונראה לפרש בהקדם דברי רבותי הגדולים: ממה שמובא בההקדמה לס' שו"ת לבוש מרדכי בשם הגהמ"ח ז"ל שאמר לפ' דברי הגמ' בסנהדרין ד' פ"ט ע"ב דאיתא: קדמו שטן [לאאע"ה =לאברהם אבינו עליו השלום=] לדרך א"ל הנסה דבר אליך תלאה, הנה יסרת רבים וידים רפות תחזק כושל יקימון מיליך כי עתה תבא ותלא, א"ל אני בתומי אלך, א"ל הלא יראתך כסלתך, א"ל זכר נא מי הוא נקי אבד וכו', וביאר הכוונה, שהשטן בא ועשה לו לאברהם אבינו הרבה חשבונות של מצוה ושל כבוד שמים שחלילה לו מעשות כדבר הזה לשחוט את יצחק, כי יצא מזה חילול השם גדול שהרי הוא הראשון שהכיר והמליך את בוראו על כל העולם כולו והפיץ ברבים מידותיו של הקדוש ברוך הוא שהוא רחום וחנון ורב חסד ומרבה להטיב עם ברואיו, ועתה כשהוא בעצמו יתאכזר על בנו יחידו לשחטו הרי יעשה תורתו פלסתר, וכולם ירננו ויאמרו שלא יתכן כזאת שה' מקור הרחמים והחמלה יצוה על אכזריות נוראה כזאת, ויגרום הדבר שהעולם כולו יחזור לאחור לטעות בעבודת עצביהם, ויתחלל שם שמים בעולם, ולכן עליו לחשוב הפסד מצוה כנגד שכרה ולמנוע א"ע מעשות זאת, וזהו שאמר לו השטן הנה יסרת רבים וידים רפות תחזק וגו', ואיך תעשה כעת הדבר הזה, ועל זה ענה לו אברהם אבינו ואני בתומי אלך, אין לי כלום עם כל החשבונות האלה, עלי להיות תמים עם ה' ולמלאות אחרי פקודתו בשלימות ובדייקנות. כי ציוי ה' עומד למעלה מכל החשבונות, ומוטעים המה ביסודם כלפי הצו העליון עיין שם, ובהקדם גם דברי ספר אור יהל להגרי"ל חסמן ז"ל פ' ויחי שכותב לבאר מאמר חז"ל בתענית דף ה' ע"ב דאיתא: רב נחמן ורב יצחק הוו יתבי בסעודתא וכו' א"ל הכי א"ר יוחנן יעקב אבינו לא מת, א"ל וכי בכדי ספדו ספדנייא וחנטטו /וחנטו/ חנטייא וקברו קברייא, א"ל מקרא אני דורש שנא' ואתה אל תירא עבדי יעקב נאם ה' ואל תחת ישראל כי הנני מושיעך מרחוק ואת זרעך מארץ שבים מקיש הוא לזרעו מה זרעו בחיים אף הוא בחיים, וכותב לבאר וללמד מזה יסוד נפלא, דהנה אם אדם יראה בעיניו את ראובן חבירו, ושומע קולו ונדמה לו לקול שמעון, ודאי ישפוט שחוש שמיעתו הטעהו, ובאמת ראובן הוא ולא שמעון כי חוש הראיה יותר חזק מחוש השמיעה, כ"ש אם יאמרו לו על אחד שמת ורואהו עומד לפניו, מי פתי יחשוב אחרת שאמירה זו אינה מכוונת, והנה ראה זה פלא, שרב נחמן תמה ושואל: וכי בכדי חנטו חנטיה? בא ר"י ומשיב לו מקרא אני דורש, ומה תשובה היא זו? הא ראינו שמת חנטוהו וקברוהו, אולם חז"ל השמיענו בזה, שאם נסתר חוש הגשמי ע"י מה שמצאנו בתוה"ק איפכא, ע"כ מסיקים מזה שחוש הגשמי הטעה, ורק נראים כחונטים, כי מכיון שמקרא אני דורש עפ"י הכללים האמיתיים שנתנו לנו מסיני, הרי שהקב"ה אומר כן, וממילא ברור שרק נדמה להם שמת, אבל חי היה, ככה למדו חז"ל תורה, וזהו ההבדל הגדול והריחוק הנורא שבין דעתנו לדעת חז"ל, מן ההיפך אל ההיפך, שאצלנו בעניותנו העוה"ז הוא מציאות והתורה נדרשת, משא"כ חז"ל בעיני קדשם המה ראו את התורה בחושיהם כמציאות, וכשמקרא אני דורש בטלים ומבוטלים כל החושים ועיני הבשר, כי שקר המה טועים ומטעים, ורק נראה להם שחונטים יעו"ש בנעימות דבריו.

והוא הדבר איפוא גם בנידוננו, התנאים הקדושים כשנקטו קו בהליכותיהם בחיים לא היה זה מפאת נטית מזגם הטבעי לכך, אלא מפני שמצאו מהלכים לכך בתוה"ק, שמאי מצא שהדרך דרך - התורה היא להתנהג בקפדנות ושזוהי הדרך לשמור את דרך עץ החיים היא מצוותיה וחוקותיה של תוה"ק, ואילו היה מוצא שצריכים לשנות את הקו היה מיד משנה אותו בלי כל היסוס, ואותו הדבר גם הלל, הוא מצא שצריכים להתנהג בענוה ולכן התנהג ככה, ואם היה מוצא שצריכים להתנהג אחרת היה מתנהג אחרת, וכן גם רבי עקיבא שמצא שצריכים לנקוט בקו הנהגה של מעביר על מדותיו, ואילו מצא אחרת היה מתנהג כפי שמצא, ואם כן אין כל פלא אם בדרך ההנהגה שבין איש לאשתו מתי שאפשר לבעל לגרשה נקטו כל אחד מהם בקו אחר מכגון שנהגו בהליכותיהם עם בני האדם. כי בכאן כל אחד מהם מקרא הוא דורש על כך עפ"י הכללים שהיה לכל אחד מהם בקבלה מרבם, ומכיון שמקרא המה דורשים בזה אם כן סברו שככה היא הקבלה בזה עד למשה מסיני, ואם כן בטלו לפי תומת צדקתם הגדולה את הקו שנקטו להם בדרכי הליכותיהם עם בני האדם, ולא הביטו אם דרכם כאן סותר לדרכם האחר, וקבעו בכאן את ההלכה בזה לפי המקרא שדרשו בזה, כי כאמור גם דרכם האחרת לא בחרו מפני נטיית מזגם הטבעי כי אם רק לפי שמצאו שכך היא דרך התורה, ולכן אם כאן מצאו המקרא אני דורש שמורה לנקוט בכאן קו אחר נקטו כפי שמורה להם הדרש, כי צו התורה עומד למעלה מכל החשבונות, ומוטעים המה כלפי הצו הזה, וכל החושים ועיני הבשר מבוטלים כלפי המקרא אני דורש, כי זהו המציאות, וזוהי הדרך דרך התורה ללכת בה ואחריה בתמימות מבלי לנטות ימין או שמאל.

Affluenza (abuse from poor parenting) successfully used as excuse in drunk driving murder

Time Magazine    Is bad parenting an excuse for murder?

That’s what Scott Brown, attorney for Ethan Couch and an expert witness psychologist, implied when he used the term “affluenza” to argue against intoxication manslaughter and assault charges for his client. Couch, 16, was on trial after he stole beer from a Walmart last summer, got drunk at a party, and gunned his car into four victims who had stopped on the side of a Burleson, Tex. road to help a stranded motorist. All four died, and both passengers in Couch’s pickup truck who were riding in the open bed were tossed from the vehicle; one is unable to move or talk due to brain injuries.

But even though Couch was behind the wheel, it wasn’t he, argued psychologist G. Dick Miller, who should bear the burden of punishment for the tragedy. Instead, it was his parents, who raised their boy with few limits and even less discipline, indulging him to the point where he was unable to appreciate the importance of rules and laws, not to mention the consequences of breaking them.

Brown and Miller may have twisted the term a bit – affluenza more often refers to overconsumption and materialism, or the general psychological malaise, lack of motivation and guilt that wealthy young people feel as a result of their extreme privilege. Brown and Miller took it further, to incorporate the lack of accountability and belief among entitled rich kids that money can solve all problems.

Their definition placed the blame at the feet of Couch’s parents, who, according to CNN, allowed their son to drink at age 13. “There are certain things that society expects from parents in terms of providing for their children,” says Dr. Cindy Christian, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ committee on child abuse and neglect. “Children need physical things – food, clothing, shelter and education. And they need nurturing, love and discipline. Parents are responsible for teaching their children right from wrong.”

Couch’s defense argued that his parents did not fulfill this responsibility adequately; could that be considered neglect, or even abuse? “If you think of what children need, and what parents are supposed to be providing, then yes, theoretically you could make the argument that [such parenting] is neglectful,” says Christian, who chairs the child abuse and neglect prevention program at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. [...]

Rabbis Epstein Wolmark Belsky alleged beating of Rabbi Rubin:Village Voice documents

Guest Post from OutragedDecember 13, 2013 at 4:49 AM

The Village Voice reporter who recently wrote a story on Rabbi Mendel Epstein posted online some of the  court documents  from Rabbi Avraham Rubin’s civil lawsuit against Rabbis Belsky, Wolmark, Epstein, and Ralbag, Jay “Yaakov” Goldstein, and others, for their roles in the kidnapping and beating of Rabbi Rubin.

Page 17 – 20 has transcripts from a telephone conversation with Rabbi Belsky in which Rabbi Belsky admits that he ordered that Rabbi Avraham Rubin should be subject to kfiyah bshotim (coercion with the use of force).

Pages 21 – 26 has transcripts from a telephone conversation with Jay “Yaakov” Goldstein in which he describes participating in the attack on Rabbi Avraham Rubin.

One of the documents posted online is an affidavit by Michael Vecchione, the prosecutor who was in charge of the case, which the Brooklyn District Attorney’s office, left by DA Joe Hynes, refused to prosecute. Interestingly, Michael Vecchione has also been involved in other cases in which DA Hynes has refused to prosecute politically-connected Orthodox Jews who committed crimes against other Orthodox Jews. For example, see these posts on Frumfollies and Daas Torah:

http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/11/abuse-whistleblower-kellner-case.html

http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/07/da-hynes-case-against-abuse.html

http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/?s=Vecchione

   Selected documents from Rubin's civil case

Asarah B’Teives – Different than other Fasts? by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

5 Towns Jewish Times    Rav Yoseph Karo (Bais Yoseph 550) cites the view of the Avudraham that the fast of Asara b’Taives is different than all of the other fasts.  How so?  If Asarah b’Taives were to fall on Shabbos (which it doesn’t), it would not be pushed off to another day.  It would have to be observed on the Shabbos itself.

Why would this be the case?

The Avudraham explains that it is on account of a verse found in Sefer Yechezkel (24:2), “On that very day..”  which equates it to Yom Kippur.   Rav Karo states that he does not know from where the Avudraham derived this .  Rav Karo further notes that the tenth of Taives will at times fall on a Friday, but none of the other fasts ever do.  In Shulchan Aruch itself (550) Rav Karo rules that none of the four fasts set aside Shabbos[1], but we will deal with the view of the Avudraham in this essay.

UNDERSTANDING THE RATIONALE

We must also try to understand why it is, according to the Avudraham, that Asrah B’Taives is different than the other fasts, and why the Avudraham chose to state this difference regarding Shabbos when he himself writes that it never actually falls on Shabbos!

Also, notwithstanding that the fast appears in Tanach – at the end of the day, it is a Rabbinic enactment.  Oneg Shabbos, enjoying ourselves on the Shabbos, is according to most Poskim – a Torah obligation!  Why would Asarah b’Taives set Shabbos aside?

FOUR POSSIBILITIES [...]

CONCLUSION

Ultimately, of course, the halacha is not like the Avudraham.  However, we can still derive remarkable insight and inspiration from all four of the explanations to his words.  We should contemplate the words of the Yaaros Dvash that Asarah B’Taives encompasses all three tragedies.

We can be inspired from the fact that, according to both the Yaaros Dvash and the Bnei Yissasschar, beginnings do matter and they matter enormously.  They carry within them messages of tremendous import.

The idea that the Chsam Sofer presents of Asarah B’Teives being unique in that it is an opportunity to change the course of our future is also something that should be welcomed.  Finally, one can also learn much from the opinions of the Minchas Chinuch and Rav Soloveitchiks that the fast days are indeed very weighty, and at least according to their view, they would even set aside the Shabbos itself were it not for other factors.

We should utilize all of these explanations to help add vitality to our observance of the fast days in general and Asarah B’Taives specifically.

Weiss-Dodelson: A plea from a friend of Gital & Avraham Meir

Dear Avrom Meir and Gital,

Personally, I am sick to my stomach by what has been going on. First of all, Avrom Meir, it's time to be the big boy here and give Gital her get.  Second, I want to point out how sick I am by the Dodelson family. Going after the father who supports Avrom Meir I can understand, but you sank to a whole new level of low! A 70 year old grandmother and grandfather who are very well respected people and who's whole lives are based on shalom, is sick and mind blowing to me. I think that the Dodelson family owes an apology to Rav Reuven and Rebbitzin Sheila, a public one, because you publicly made them look bad and said hurtful things.

As far as taking or trying to take down a yeshivah you better ask God to forgive you and ask the entire klal yisroel to forgive you for the chilul hashem and disgrace that you caused. I am saying it the way it is because no one else seems to have it in them. Shame on those who signed things without really knowing what is going on. And when they did, could not find the strength to make things right. At this point I turn to Rav Malkiel Kotler who is the rosh yeshiva in BMG, I just don't know how you allowed this to go on.

Gital, I feel bad for you but not that you are an "aguna". Avrom Meir, move on, get a life, try to find someone else. Realize your family is getting hurt, losing their livelihoods, stop being so selfish and open your eyes. Realize, both of you, will not have time to ever see the kid you are fighting over  because you are to busy getting nowhere! You both lost! Face the music, give a get. And Gital, realize what you have done and suffer the consequences. It's time to get it over with. Enough aggravation caused on both ends. Enough money spent. Enough chilul hashem.

Weiss Dodelson: A supporter of Gital responds to my postings

I recently had an exchange of a emails with Atara Levine - a staunch supporter of Gital - who doesn't think very much of my postings or me and stated that I was headed for a hot place in the next world. When I suggested that she write a guest post, "that explains Gital's strategy and perhaps give some inside information as to how the gedolim you cited support Gital's pronouncements and actions." she sent me the following. 

I agree with her that the basis of the present chilul hashem started when these major rabbinical figures signed this Kol Koreh which has no basis in Shulchan Aruch or poskim.

============================================

sure thing my friend. please post this guest post. it includes e/th.

Regarding the matter of Avrohom Meir Weiss, son of Yosaif Asher Weiss: He went to court and refused to come to Bais Din. A Siruv has been issued against him by Bais Din Mechon L’hoyroa. And, for more than three years he has been withholding a Get from his wife.

The laws regarding Avrohom Meir are detailed in Shulchan Aruch (Jewish Code of Law). He is to be dealt with like someone who is in Niddui. No one may come within four amos of him; no one may eat or drink together with him; he cannot be part of a zimun nor may he count towards a minyan, etc.

We turn to the administration of the Yeshiva of Staten Island, where he studies, to protest against him and to remove him from the Kollel.

We also turn to Artscroll (where his father and uncle who support him work) to protest against his family and to remove them from their positions, for it is not fitting that Torah should be transmitted through them.

We have been asked by the family of the Agunah, and by those who wish to save her from the chains of her detention, what is permissible according to the Torah. Is it permissible to protest against him and to gather in public protest and is it permissible to make it known publicly and in the newspapers?

We state that, according to the Torah, it is permissible and it is a mitzvah to protest against him, to gather publicly in front of his house and in other places, and to make the matter known publicly and in the newspapers in order to save an oppressed woman from her oppressor and an Agunah from being chained.

There is an obligation upon anyone who is able to do so, to influence Avrohom Meir that he should listen to Bais Din and that he should give a Get.

We affix our signatures on the 22nd day of Shevat, 5773
Rabbi Yaakov Perlow
Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky
Rabbi Aharon Moshe Schechter (in great and deep pain due to the Chillul Hashem which has brought us
to take this step)
Rabbi Aharon Feldman
Rabbi Simcha Bunim Ehrenfeld
Rabbi Nota Tzvi Greenblatt
Rabbi Tzvi Schechter
Rabbi Moshe Heineman (I agree with all of the above until he comes to Bais Din)
Rabbi Elya Dov Wachtfogel
Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer

Dr. Stanislaw Burzynski- fraud or martyr of FDA: Treating unoperable brain cancer

 Vos iz neias     A Houston family has launched a petition to the Obama administration in an effort to get the Food and Drug Administration to allow their six year old son access to a treatment that they hope will cure his aggressive brain cancer.

Elisha Cohen was diagnosed with anaplastic medulloblastoma in October of 2012 and since that time has undergone neurosurgery and high dose chemotherapy to treat his cancer.  While tests showed that the treatments had initially eradicated the tumor, it returned several months later and was deemed by doctors to be untreatable.

“The doctors told me to go home, to take my son to Disneyland,” Elisha’s mother, Devorah Cohen told VIN News.  “But Jewish people don’t give up.  It is not what we do.” [...]

But most importantly, please daven for Refael Elisha Meir ben Devora.  Hashem can hear my son right now and we know that Hashem can bring Elisha a yeshua.”

=========================HOWEVER===================== 

USA Today [...]    Burzynski — an internist with no board certification or formal training in oncology — has said publicly that he can cure half of the estimated 200 children a year diagnosed with brainstem tumors. The Cottos were told that treatment could cost over $100,000, mostly out of pocket, because insurance plans often refuse to cover Burzynski Clinic treatments.

Burzynski, 70, calls his drugs "antineoplastons" and says he has given them to more than 8,000 patients since 1977. [...]

Yet the National Cancer Institute says there is no evidence that Burzynski has cured a single patient, or even helped one live longer. He has not backed up his claims by publishing results from a randomized, controlled trial — considered the gold standard of medical evidence — in a respected, peer-reviewed journal.

And Burzynski's drugs pose a risk of serious harm, including coma, swelling near the brain and death, according to the NCI and informed consent documents that patients sign before beginning treatment. While Burzynski has touted his treatments as an alternative to chemotherapy, a 1999 NCI study found that antineoplastons can cause many of the same side effects as conventional chemo: nausea, vomiting, headaches, muscle pain, confusion and seizures. [...]

"He's a snake oil salesman," says pediatric oncologist Peter Adamson, a professor of pediatrics and pharmacology at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. "This has gone on for so many years, it's really unbelievable."

For 36 years, critics say, Burzynski has been selling false hope to desperate families at the most vulnerable time of their lives.

"When you want so hard to believe something, you end up listening to your heart and not your head," says Lisa Merritt of Armuchee, Ga., whose husband, Wayne, was treated briefly by Burzynski in 2009. The couple say that Burzynski misled them about the type of treatment that would be offered, as well as the cost. Burzynski, she says, is "the worst kind of predator."[...]

Weiss Dodelson: Gital supporter criticizes Gital's wholesale lynch of the Weiss/Feinstein families

Vos iz neias [...]   I sympathize with Dodelson – and here I completely accept her version of the truth. Every agunah situation is a tragedy, more so when children are involved (the couple has a son). Dodelson’s supporters have organized a Web site, setgitalfree.com, and an associated Facebook page.

But their methods reflect poorly on the entire urgent movement to help agunot. Instead of the traditional focus on the recalcitrant husband, this bandwagon mostly targets Weiss’s relatives.

First, Internet warriors boycotted Orthodox publisher ArtScroll until it fired Weiss’s father and uncle. A Facebook commenter claimed victory, saying ArtScroll “heard us loud and clear, and they did exactly what we asked.”

Next, agunah activists turned against Yeshiva of Staten Island (YSI), where Weiss learns and which is run by his grandfather, Rabbi Reuven Feinstein. They demanded that the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) remove YSI’s accreditation and reject rabbis ordained by the yeshiva’s sister school. They also convinced at least one synagogue to cancel an appearance by Rabbi Feinstein.

“Set Gital Free” even bullied Weiss’s elderly grandmother by publishing her telephone number and urging people to “politely and respectfully” inundate her with calls until a Get is granted.

The pro-Dodelson site calls these family members “enablers” who “support” Weiss’s actions. But the relatives are pretty much chained themselves – caught in the no-win position of wishing to succor a humiliated loved one while wanting an ugly divorce resolved. Besides, who knows what they’ve said to Weiss privately?

Those who punish relatives of Get refusers remind me of opponents of Israel’s policies on the West Bank who randomly say “I know – let’s boycott Israeli universities and scholars!” Only this improvisation is worse.

No act, however spiteful, justifies a posse deciding to assault the livelihoods and reputations of relatives and colleagues. It doesn’t seem very Jewish to me: Did a horde attack Jacob because of Esau’s misdeeds, or Jonathan because of Saul’s?

So I contacted RCA Executive Vice President Rabbi Mark Dratch, the rabbi “Set Gital Free” recommended to explain the Torah basis for their strategy. To my surprise, he said absolutely nothing in halachic literature endorses communal pressure on family members of Get refusers, and he never prescribed that approach. Thus, the activists are disregarding the counsel of the man they claim is their rabbi. Orthodox Jews just don’t do that.

I later consulted Rabbi Jeremy Stern from the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot (ORA), who also could think of no text in a Jewish source describing anything like the “Free Gital” tactics – and he would know. ORA’s extensive Web site promotes many ways to pressure husbands but none to pressure relatives.

Rabbi Stern referenced the impressive “Kol Koreh” (proclamation) signed by ten leading American rabbis, including five from the renowned Council of Torah Sages and ORA’s halachic expert, Yeshiva University Rosh Yeshiva Rabbi Herschel Schachter.

The Kol Koreh imposes more than a dozen harsh penalties on Weiss, but only one regarding his family: that ArtScroll must terminate the father and uncle. That directive clearly relates to the laws of a Jewish court (beit din), not those of agunot, since any man who flouts a beit din’s rulings risks retribution. But the rabbis didn’t call for a boycott. (The Facebook site’s supposed triumph over ArtScroll is absurd – as if it had more sway than our generation’s most respected rabbis.) The proclamation also says nothing about canceled speeches, disaccreditations, rejected ordinations, or harassment of old ladies.[...]

Weiss-Dodelson: A relative of the Weiss family protests against Dodelson's chilul Hashem

Guest post by a concerned relative of the Weiss family. update concerning get me'usa

I will not say who I am, because I assume then I will be listed on the enablers page on the free Gital website, and I too will loose my livelihood.

I would like to state that in no way am I voicing my support for AM not giving a get. However, I am wondering why we as a society are allowing the Dodelson's to trample out Torah laws, make a huge Chilul Hashem, and embarrass our Torah leaders. One wrong does not permit one thousand wrongs. I realize perhaps for the more modern crowd, who are perhaps, less in tune with halacha, they jump on the bandwagon when they hear "Agunah" and believe that all means are permissible to 'unchain' said Agunah. I would like to postulate at we, as a Halacha abiding community, are obligated to act differently. I believe we are obligated by the actions of the Maacabim, who stood strong to their Torah values no matter the price.

To what price do I refer? You noticed I do not sign my name. I notice that thousands of people visit this blog weekly.  It can be reasonably be assumed that many are in support of the Weisses, yet there is no way to know who the supporters are. I assume this means that the fear is widespread. The fear is of being thrown to the Facebook Agunah Defamation League, losing your jobs, getting phone calls and angry emails from strangers. Perhaps you, like some of AM's friends have been told that if you show any support you will not receive your Kollel check. Perhaps you have been subjected, like I have, to the verbal vomit that spews from the mouths of those who know nothing but feel entitled for their opinion. Or perhaps you see that the Dodelsohn's and their publicist Shira Dicker care nothing for Halacha and will destroy everything and anything in their path in order to get what they want. (Do you still agree with those who tell AM to give the get and trust the Dodelsohn's to negotiate custody in good faith?) 

A few examples of their disrespect for Halacha:

-The Dodelson's cause a huge Chillul Hashem when they take a sob story to the secular press, ignoring the venue of going through Rabbi Ronnie Greenwald

-Gital was quoted in the [Times of Israel http://www.timesofisrael.com/the-face-of-agunot-promises-to-keep-fighting-for-all-chained-women/] saying she wanted to live with a man before marriage

-Shira Dicker was quoted in newsweek saying she cannot wait to use facebook as a means to overturn a centuries old law (read: what she thinks of our Torah)

- The Dodelson's have AM's Father and Uncle fired from Artscroll, where they worked spreading Torah knowledge, that we all benefit from every day, for over two decades. Keep in mind that most Poskim hold that once you embarrass the Father of a Meagen (if you consider him one) the get given is a forced get and is invalid. Apparently, having children who are mamzerim is of no concern to Gital.

[Majority opinion regarding forcing the husband's father, please see:

Ram"a's comment to Even HaEzer 134:4 with Pischei Teshuva there # 12

שולחן ערוך אבן העזר הלכות גיטין סימן קלד

 י"א דלא מקרי אונס אלא מה שאונסין לאדם עצמו, אבל אם אונסין לאחר עד שיגרש חבירו, אפילו אב על בנו או להיפך, לא מקרי אונס (תשובת הרשב"ץ). ויש מחמירין באב על בנו (ב"י). ועיין לקמן סימן קנ"ד מדינים אלו

פתחי תשובה אבן העזר סימן קלד ס"ק יב

(יב) ויש מחמירים באב על בנו - ע' בת' משכנות יעקב שם שדעתו להחמיר כיש מחמירין אלו דאונס אב לגבי בן חשיב אונס(גם בס' ב"מ לעיל ס"א כתב דכן עיקר) והביא שם מדברי הרשב"א בתשו' המיוחסות לרמב"ן סי' רע"ג והר"ר בצלאל סי' ט"ז והגמ"ר פ"ו דגיטין ותשו' הרשב"ש סי' של"ט שכולם החמירו בדבר זה ובפרט בנ"ד לפי טענת המערער שהכהו אביו מכה רבה כו' ע"ש עוד בתשובה שניה שם אות ט"ו:

(Regarding that "all Poskim" regard monetary coercion as "forcing", please see

Pischei Teshuva there #10)

פתחי תשובה אבן העזר סימן קלד ס"ק י

דמה שהבין הרמ"א ז"ל דיש מחלוקת בין הרשב"א והרשב"ץ ומתוך כך פסק דבדיעבד יש להקל הנה לפי המבואר בס' מכתב מאלי' בדיני הביטול סימן כ' ובמהרח"ש בדיני מודע' ואונס אין כאן מחלוקת כלל והעיקר תלוי באם שאנחנו יודעים ומכירים שאין מגרש אלא מצד הקנס ומגלה דעתו בכך הוי גט מעושה ולא התירו הרשב"ץ והר"ר מיימון רק בנדון דידהו שקבל מתחלה הקנס מצד עצמו ורצונו הפשוט ולא זז מדעתו מתחלה ועד סוף דאז אין לתלות שעשה זה מחמת אונס (וכ"כ בס' בית מאיר לחלק בכך ומסיים דצ"ע אם יש להקל נגד הרשב"א כמו בנדון דידי' אף בדיעבד כו' ע"ש)

-the Dodelson's publicly attack and embarrass Rabbi Reuven Feinstein, attempt to have him discredited from the RCA, and petition to have him removed as a speaker by community events.

-and what I consider a last and final blow, the Dodelson's list Rebbitzen Sheila Feinstein, who offers no support to her grandson as an enabler. She is literally an innocent bystander in this whole situation, and we as a public have a responsibility not to let her be destroyed by the baseless actions of base people.

Please keep in mind that Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetzky has declared that the Dodelson's need to stop their "smear campaign" against the Weisses. The facebook page is still up. The website is still up. The Dodelson's are making public that they used Reb Shmuel's Halachic knowledge to support their cause, and discarded and disregarded it when they had no further use for it.

We need to stand against the Dodelson's not for the Weisses sake, but for the sake of our Torah and the Halacha that they are trampling.

Please call the Dodelson's at the following numbers and ask them to follow Reb Shmuel's psak and take down the website and facebook page. If you are brave (or foolhardy?) post your name, your actual name on this webpage. Let us band together and show each other that those who follow Halacha can succeed.

Gital cell: 1-732-267-1649

Dodelson home: 1-732-886-5121

Schlesinger Twins: Jewish leaders at Austrian embassy for Beth custody battle

Jewish News     December 10, 2013

British Jewish leaders have spoken of a “serious miscarriage of justice” after meeting Austrian diplomats to discuss a legal ruling that forbid a London mother of custody of her two young sons.

A senior delegation told HE Dr Emil Brix of their “extreme concerns” about a recent decision of Vienna court’s ruling on the custody dispute between Beth Alexander, who comes from Manchester, and her ex-husband Michael Schlesinger, who is Austrian.

Board of Deputies vice-president Jonathan Arkush said: ”Having studied the court’s judgment carefully, I am extremely concerned about its lack of reasoning to support the unusual decision to deprive a mother of the custody, or even shared custody, of her two very young children. I fear that a serious miscarriage of justice has occurred.”

Schlesinger won full custody of Beth’s two twin boys, aged 4, and a series of appeals have failed, with the most recent judge upholding the decision of a lower court to limit her access rights to 3 visits every 2 weeks.

New rabbinical court aims to empower agunot

Jewish Week     In what appears to be a major breakthrough in the long, tortuous effort to solve the problem of agunot (or, chained wives), an international bet din (religious court) is in formation, headed by a highly respected Orthodox rabbi, with the goal of freeing women trapped in broken marriages.

Blu Greenberg, a longtime activist on this issue and founder of JOFA (Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance), announced at the group’s international conference this week that Rabbi Simcha Krauss, former rabbi of the Young Israel of Hillcrest and now living in Israel, has agreed to serve as the head of an independent rabbinic court in formation seeking “systemic halachic solutions” to the problem.

A major figure in centrist Orthodoxy who was president of the Religious Zionist of America, Rabbi Krauss made aliyah in 2005 and is affiliated with Yeshivat Eretz HaTzvi in Jerusalem. He is well respected for his Torah knowledge and integrity by a wide swath of the Orthodox community.

But the key to the new court’s success may well rest on one of the two leading Israeli rabbis associated with the haredi community who have given their imprimatur to Rabbi Krauss. Most significant is Zalman Nechemia Goldberg, a rosh yeshiva, posek (religious decisor) and chief justice of the rabbinical high court in Jerusalem.

The other is She’ar Yashuv Cohen, former chief rabbi of Haifa and president of its rabbinic courts. A third prominent Israeli rosh yeshiva has also signaled his support for Rabbi Krauss but prefers to remain anonymous at this time.

Highly respected by all segments of the Orthodox community, Rabbi Goldberg was the first to sign on to the Rabbinical Council of America’s pre-nuptial agreement program, to prevent agunah cases, and helped give it credibility.

“As long as Rav Zalman Nechemiah is on board with Rabbi Krauss,” the new venture is “untouchable,” noted an expert on the issue. But he added that haredi elements opposed to the new bet din could put strong pressure on Rabbi Goldberg to retract his support.

“Most of all,” the source said, “it must be truly independent.”

Rabbi Krauss, in an exclusive interview, said on Monday that while he is somewhat concerned about the criticism sure to be leveled at the new court from those on the right, he is prepared to go forward and hopes the court, which at least initially is slated to be based in the U.S., will begin its work in 2014.

“I am not a revolutionary, and I understand that halacha [Jewish law] moves slowly,” he said, “but it’s been too slow. It’s time.”

He noted that in his extensive experience as a pulpit rabbi in America he saw too many cases where small bet din courts, particularly in Brooklyn, were subject to “corruption, bribery and utter falsification” in championing the husband and unwilling to free the wife from broken marriages.
“The numbers [of agunot] are real, and big, and they are tragic,” he said. (While precise numbers are hard to come by, Jeremy Stern of ORA, Organization for the Resolution of Agunot, says his New York-based group receives about 150 calls a year from women seeking help, and is working on about 50 cases at any given time.) [...]

Rav Shach's condemnation of "Shaarei Talmud Torah"

מכתבים ומאמרים ממרן הגאון רבי אלעזר מנחם מן שך זצוק"ל

חלק א' עמוד ק"ז

חינוך וישיבות

נב

אזהרה לגנוז ספר אחד שמביע דעת נגד מסורת הישיבות

בס"ד יום א' י"ז לחדש הרחמים והסליחות תשמ"ב

אזהרה להסיר מכשול

הביאו לפני ספר בשם "שערי תלמוד תורה" מאיזה רב ד"ר אשר  מפיצים אותו ברבים בעיקר לבני הישיבות שיחי' : ראיתי ונזדעזעתי, אשר  כל כולו הוא ספר הסתה לבני תורה על החובה שיתנו מזמנם גם ללימודי  אומנות וגם ללימודים משארי חכמות כמו רפואה ועוד ועוד מהדברים הנצרכים לחיים, ותמך יסודו ממה שאסף מכמה מאמרי חז"ל המדברים  בשבח המלאכה, וגם מהרבה ספרים המדברים במעלת הנהנה מיגיע כפיו,  והצורך בידיעת מדע הטבע.

והנה אין כאן המקום לנהל ויכוחים עם הנ"ל, ונזכיר רק מאמרם ז"ל  כמנחות צ"ט, שאל בן דמה וכו' כגון אני שלמדתי כל התורה כולה מהו  שאלמד חכמה יונית, קרא עליו לא ימוש ספר התורה הזה מפיך והגית בו יומם ולילה, צא ובדוק שעה שאינה לא יום ולא לילה וכו', ועון ביטול תורה הוא נורא ואיום מאד, ואמרו חז"ל בירושלמי הובא בשע"ת לרבינו יונה ז"ל ויתר הקב"ה על ע"ז וכו' ולא ויתר על עון ביטול תורה, וכל ענין  מלאכה שהזכירו חז"ל הוא על מי שא"א לו להסתדר בפרנסה בלא זה אבל  כל זמן שיכול ללמוד ודאי ח"ו להפסיק מתורה"ק ושקידתה בשכיל העתיד  דדי' לצרה בשעתה, ועון פלילי הוא לנתק בן תורה מהתורה תורתו של  הקב"ה.

וכן החמישה שערים הראשונים שכותכ דרך הלימוד וצורת קיום מצות לימוד התורה יש בהם דברים שאינם נכונים שהוא כותכ נגד המקובל לנו, שלמדו לעצמן וגם עם התלמידים לעיין בהם בעומק ובהבנה ישרה ובפלפולה של תורה כמובן שלא ע"מ לקנטר, וזהו מצות לשמה שביאר  בספר הקדוש נפש החיים שלשמה הוא הפירוש לדעת התורה, ובכלל מצות  ושננתם הוא שיהי' דברי תורה מחודדים בפיך אף על ידי פלפולה כדאיתא  בנדרים דל"ח ע"ש בפירוש הרא"ש, ומה שכותב על מה שכתב גאון הדור  שלפני פנינו הוא הגר"י סלנטר זצקללה"ה ב"התבונה" בענין למוד בפלפול,  שלא מצא לו חבר לזה וחולק על דבריו, אין זה אלא רמות רוחא.

ומאד מאד אני מצטער על אחד שיעיז להביע דעה נגד המסורה לנו  והמקובל לנו מגאונינו רבותינו שעל פיהם נתיסדו הישיבות שמאז ומתמיד כולם החזיקו ישיבות, ואנן תלמידי תלמידיהם של גאון הגאונים רבן של כל  ישראל רבי חיים וולאזינר זצקללה"ה שיסד הישיבה בוולאזין ע"פ הסכמת  הגר"א זצקללה"ה הנחשב כאחד מן הראשונים המשמשים לפניו במרום,  וכך נמשכו הדורות עד היום, ובטח הם כולם ידעו את כל המאמרים בחז"ל,  וכל מעשיהם אינם צריכים חיזוק מאיתנו שרוח הקודש שרתה על כל מה  שעשו. ובפרט בתקופתינו שכל כך רבה העזובה בכל מה שנוגע ללימוד  התורה, שאחוז קטן מכל הצעירים המתחנכים בבתי החינוך נשארים בהישיבות וח"ו אם גם הם לא יתמסרו כל כולם ללימוד ולעלי' בתורה ח"ו  תשתכח תורה מישראל, ובמה גדול כוחו שיבוא להורות דרך לרבים ולסכן  את כל קיום התורה ועם ישראל .
אלעזר מנחם מן שך
יעקב ישראל קניבסקי

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Rav Nosson Kaminetsky told me that Rav Shach had called to tell him that he had to write a condemnation for the sefer - but he wanted to make sure he did not saying anything that would insult his father. He asked him to check the letter before he published it

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