Sunday, August 11, 2013

12 Steps :The spiritual/scientific basis of addiction recovery

National Geographic   [...] Since the inception of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.)—the progenitor of 12-step programs—science has sometimes been at odds with the notion that laypeople can cure themselves.

Yet the success of the 12-step approach may ultimately be explained through medical science and psychology. Both offer substantive reasons for why it works. [...]

The 12-step approach, said Paul Gallant, an interventionist with 27 years of sobriety, is "so popular with treatment centers because it's proven to work. When a person completes treatment, they have a place to go.

"Self-knowledge is not a sufficient treatment for alcoholism," continued Gallant. "I've worked with people who have had years and years of psychotherapy and intensive analysis, but it's brought them no closer to ongoing abstinence."

However, experiencing what Gallant called a "psychic change," which in the 12-step world is linked to the marvel of a "spiritual awakening," often results in a distinct personality and behavioral transformation that leads to long-term sobriety.

"The not-drinking is really just a part of it," Gallant said. "It's not drinking and changing as a person. That psychic change needs to come from a program of spiritual development, and so far the greatest success has been Alcoholics Anonymous."[...]

Friday, August 9, 2013

Daas Torah - Prohibition against clear and flesh colored stockings




שו"ת אגרות משה 
 
אבן העזר חלק ד סימן ק


ו. אם יש טעם להקפיד שילכו הבנות באנפילאות כשאין מקפידין שלא יהו דקות כך שהבשר לא יראה מתוכן.


ובהא שיש אנשים שמקפידים שלא ילכו נשותיהן ובנותיהן בלא אנפילאות על רגליהן אבל אין מקפידין שיהיו האנפילאות באופן שא"א להראות שכתר"ה הקשה דאיזה חלוק יש דאם חשיבין לערוה גם למטה מהארכובה שקורין קני"א אין מועילין כלום דערוה בעששית אסור ואם כהמ"ב שאינו בדין ערוה אין צורך אנפילאות, האמת הוא שהוא לצניעות יותר מחמת שלהלכה עד הקני"א אינו ערוה. אבל איכא גם טעם להצניעות בזה משום שבעצם אין החוטים אף מהאנפילאות הדקין שייך שיראה בשר הרגלים והראיה שכשהן צבועין לבן ושחור לא נראה בשר הרגלים ורק מחמת שצבועין בצבע כמראה הבשר לכן נמצא שבעצם הם מכוסין ולא נראין כלל רק שנדמה לאינשי כנראין, שלכן אף במקום שהוא בדין ערוה ממש נמי הא איכא חלוק מאחר דעכ"פ הערוה מכוסה אך שיש לאסור משום דאיכא הרהור עכ"פ מזה שנראין כבשר וא"כ באם הוא מקום שאינו מביא לידי הרהור כהא דלמטה מארכובה אף אם היה עכ"פ בדין ערוה לא היה שום איסור, ונוגע לדינא ממש בקטנות שליכא הרהור אך שמ"מ הוא בדין ערוה שיהיה מותר באנפילאות כאלו, וזהו אולי טעמם.


והנני ידידו 
משה פיינשטיין
=================================================
שו"ת שבט הלוי חלק א סימן א

כבוד ידידי הרב הגאון הצ' אהוב למעלה ונחמד למטה כש"ת מו"ה בנימין זאב. יעקבזון שליט"א רב פאג"י סנהדרי' יצ"ו. אחדשה"ט באהבה וכבוד.

יקרת מכתבו קבלתי ושמחתי להקשיב משלומו הטוב. ואודות שאלתו שאלת חכם בענין הנשים גם נשואות ההולכות בלי גרבים, אם יש בזה גלוי ערוה מצד הדין ואם צריך למחות.

אעבור פרשתא דא בקיצור וה' יהי' אתנו.

בברכות כ"ד ע"א אר"י טפח באשה ערוה למאי אילימא לאסתכולי והאמר ר"ש וכו' אלא באשתו ולענין ק"ש א"ר חסדא שוק באשה ערוה. ופירש"י שוק באשת איש ערוה להסתכל וכן באשתו לק"ש. ובשו"ע סימן ע"ה ס"א טפח מגולה באשה במקום שדרכה לכסותו וכו' וברמ"א וי"א דוקא באשתו אבל באשה אחרת אפילו פחות מטפח הוי ערוה. וכתב בספר משנה ברורה שם אבל פניה וידיה כפי המנהג שדרך להיות מגולה באותו מקום וכן פרסות רגל עד השוק והוא עד מקום שנקרא קני"א בל"א במקום שדרכן לילך יחף מותר לקרות כנגדן וכו' אבל זרועותיה ושוקה אפי' רגילין לילך כדרך הפרוצות אסור ע"כ, וציין שם דדבריו לקוחים מהח"א ופמ"ג.

והנה מוכח מזה דדעת הגאון מ"ב דדרך הפרוצות דהוא בכלל דת יהודית שמוציאין עבורה אשה מבעלה מעיקר הדין עפ"י המבואר כתובות ע"ב מתחיל רק מארכובה דהיינו קני"א ולמעלה ונמשך בזה אחרי החיי"א ופרמ"ג, ובמכתה"ג דבריו צ"ע, דדברי החיי"א אינם משמע כן וגם בדברי הפמ"ג צ"ע.

וז"ל החיי"א כלל ד' ס"ב כל גופה של אשה מה שדרכה להיות מכוסה נקרא ערוה וכו' וכן פרסות רגליה במקום שדרך לילך יחף מותר אבל זרועותיה ושוקה אפי' רגילין בכך כדרך "פרוצות" אסור ע"כ, הרי דלא התיר אלא פרסות רגליה, אבל לא חלק הרגל שלמעלה מן הפרסה דהיינו קנאכע"ל בל"א עד ארכובה (קני"א) דזה באמת בכלל שוק כאשר אבאר אי"ה להלן.

אלא דעיקר העתקת מ"ב בזה מהפמ"ג, וגם זה צ"ע, דז"ל הפמ"ג במ"ז סק"א והוי יודע דלשון שוק הוא מארכובה (עיין רש"י ויקרא ז' ל"ב, ובתוי"ט פ"י דחולין מ"ד וכ"פ הרמב"ם פ"ט ה"י ממעה"ק ושוק לפעמים נקרא ירך, כ"ז בפרמ"ג), ונמצא כל הרגל עד הקני"א במקום שהולכין יחף ומגולה אפשר אין חשש וכו' עכ"ל. הנה הפמ"ג כתב זה דרך אפשר והמ"ב החליט הדברים.

אמנם גם גוף דברי רבינו הפמ"ג לא זכיתי להבין מש"כ דשוק באדם מתחיל רק מארכובה דהיינו הקני"א ולמעלה והיינו משום דהבין הפמ"ג דשוק דאדם דומיא דשוק דבהמה דמבואר לענין חזה ושוק במשנה וגמרא חולין שם ובתוי"ט שם וברמב"ם הנ"ל דהוא מפרק ארכובה התחתונה ולמעלה עד הגוף ב' פרקים דהיינו פרק אמצעי מן הרגל ופרק העליון וס"ל להפמ"ג דארכובה התחתונה של בהמה כנגדה ארכובת האדם דהיינו הקני"א ורק משם ולמעלה מתחיל השוק, וזה צע"ג דהא כבר הוכיחו תוס' מנחות ל"ז ע"א ד"ה קיבורית דשוק דאדם לא הוי כשוק דבהמה, דשוק דאדם מתחיל מיד אחר הרגל התחתון לפני הארכוביא דהיינו הקני"א, וכן הוכיח הגרעק"א בתשובותיו מהדו"ת סימן כ"ח בראיות נכונות דשוק דאדם למטה מן הקני"א, וא"כ תמה אני על עצמי דמה"ת לנו לחלק בין שוק דאדם דמתניתין דאהלות פ"א שהביאו תוס' הנ"ל ועוד כ"ד דמוכח כן כמבואר בתשובת הגרעק"א לשוק של ענינינו דלימא דשוק של גלוי ערוה רק למעלה מן הארכובה, וכיון דכל חילי' דפמ"ג רק מדמיון שוק של בהמה וכבר כתבנו דאין משם ראיה, א"כ שוב הדרינן לסתם לשון שוק שבשאר מקומות שכולל נמי חלק הרגל אשר למטה מן הקני"א, ושפיר דייק החיי"א לכתוב וכן פרסות רגליה וכו', דרק זה מותר באיתגליא, וכל השאר צריך להיות מכוסה, או בבגד, או עכ"פ בגרבים.

ונראה לענ"ד ראיה לזה מלשון הב"י ממש"כ על דברי הטור בסימן ע"ה שכתב וכן אם שוקה מגולה וכו' וז"ל הב"י כלומר שאע"פ שאינו מקום צנוע באיש הוי ערוה באשה, ואי ס"ד דהיינו ממקום הברך עד הגוף, היתכן קס"ד כזאת שמקום זה לא יהיה ערוה באשה מקום שהוא המרגיל הכי גדול לערוה ורגליה יורדת מות כתיב. ותו דגם באיש מקום זה מקום צנוע הוא, כדמשמע במגילה כ"ד ע"א ע"ש רש"י ד"ה פוחח ועש"ה כ"ד ע"ב רש"י ד"ה קטן, ועש"ה בהגהות הב"ח אות ב' דמפורש כן וע"ש בטו"א ורש"ש בזה. אלא כנ"ל דהבית יוסף קרא גם לפרק שלמטה מן הארכובה שוק וזה דקמ"ל דגם זה בכלל ערוה לענין ק"ש וגלוי ערוה לענין אשת איש.

וכיו"ב מדברי הב"ח שם במה שכתב דהיה סברא מבחוץ דאין לחוש כלל לגילוי השוק וכו' ואפילו בא"א ליכא איסור להסתכל בהם (לולא דקמ"ל הטור) דמן הסתם הן מלוכלכות בטיט וצואה ולא יגיע לידי הרהור וכו' יעש"ה ופמ"ג הנ"ל ואי ס"ד דהב"ח אשוק שלמעלה מן הארכובה עד הגוף קאי, א"כ אין לך תמהון לבב גדול מזה שיעלה על לב שום טועה דיהיה מותר להסתכל בא"א בירך הסמוך למקום הגוף ממש. וגם וכי שם מן הסתם מלוכלך בטיט וכו' (והיינו מחמת מלאכה וכיו"ב כמש"כ הפמ"ג), אלא ודאי כמש"כ עפ"י תוס' מנחות הנ"ל דשוק דאדם מתחיל למעלה מרגל התחתון, ועפ"י דין צריך להיות מכוסה או בבגד או בגרבים וכיו"ב, ולא מצאתי כדי סמיכה להתיר, מאחר שבחיי"א מבואר לאיסור ובפמ"ג אינו מבואר להיתר כנ"ל. והקב"ה יצילנו משגיאות ויטהר לבנו לעבדו באמת. ידידו דוש"ת מצפה לחסדי ה'.

ועיין בלשון רשב"ם ב"ב נ"ז ע"ב ד"ה לפי, משמע קצת כדברינו, וכבר העיר בזה בתשובת צור יעקב ח"ב סי' א' בהגה בן המחבר זצ"ל, וע"ש בפנים התשובה. וכבר כתבנו דבתשובת הגרעק"א מהד"ת הכריע כדהתוס' מנחות ל"ז דיש חילוק בין שוק דאדם לבהמה והיינו לחומרא כמש"כ. .

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Anthony Weiner Meets with the Orthodox Jewish Media

Five Towns Jewish Times  Early Thursday morning, embattled mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, met with representatives of the orthodox Jewish media in the home of Gedaliah Weinberger.

Although Mr. Weinberger was careful to point out that the meeting was not an endorsement, he did go on in detail about a number of times when Mr. Weiner went to bat for the Jewish community.  Reading from an amicus brief prepared by the Becket Fund, Mr. Weinberger demonstrated that there are numerous areas where religious Jews are experiencing discrimination – even in New York City.

Rabbi Pesach Lerner, sitting in the audience, pointed out that of all the representatives and senators in government, it was Anthony Weiner who was first to go to bat for Jonathan Pollard.
Mr. Weiner then spoke and raised a number of new ideas that he has to improve the lot of New Yorkers.  He then opened up the floor to questions from the orthodox Jewish media. [...]

Larry Gordon, publisher of the Five Towns Jewish Times, asked Mr. Weiner, “What would you do when you are mayor and your New York City school chancellor is caught doing the same things that you had done?”

Mr. Weiner answered that he would investigate whether it would in any way effect the chilcren or how he performed at his job and decide based solely on that criterion.

In the entire meeting, Mr. Weiner was well-prepared on the issues, was poised and answered questions directed at him with finesse and assurance. [...]

The sense that everyone in attendance got after the meeting was that Anthony Weiner is clearly not out of the race, and just might win.

Sexual abuse and cover-ups in an insular religious community- the Mennonites of Bolivia

R. Eidensohn,
I am an occasional lurker on your blog (thank you for the public service!) and I thought the following article might be of interest to you or your readers.  It describes a situation of an insular, closed community, afraid that the entire outside world is wicked, and run by religious leaders with lifetime tenure who do not have investigative or police capacity, yet refuse except in the most extreme cases to involve outside police in any allegations of wrongdoing.  And children who are taught little or nothing about their bodies and sex, and a culture that is inherently suspicious of any claims made by children and women.  And a leadership that is willing to let offenders who do get caught back into the community as long as they say they are sorry.  The community in question is an old-order Mennonite one in Bolivia, but the parallels to some Orthodox societies were striking to me, and the negative consequences equally sad.
==========================
Warning! A distressing story to read but the parallels are important

Vice  [...] Then, one night in June 2009, two men were caught trying to enter a neighbor’s home. The two ratted out a few friends and, falling like a house of cards, a group of nine Manitoba men, ages 19 to 43, eventually confessed that they had been raping Colony families since 2005. To incapacitate their victims and any possible witnesses, the men used a spray created by a veterinarian from a neighboring Mennonite community that he had adapted from a chemical used to anesthetize cows. According to their initial confessions (which they later recanted), the rapists admitted to—sometimes in groups, sometimes alone—hiding outside bedroom windows at night, spraying the substance through the screens to drug entire families, and then crawling inside. 

But it wasn’t until their trial, which took place almost two years later, in 2011, that the full scope of their crimes came to light. The transcripts read like a horror movie script: Victims ranged in age from three to 65 (the youngest had a broken hymen, purportedly from finger penetration). The girls and women were married, single, residents, visitors, the mentally infirm. Though it’s never discussed and was not part of the legal case, residents privately told me that men and boys were raped, too. [...]
Then, one night in June 2009, two men were caught trying to enter a neighbor’s home. The two ratted out a few friends and, falling like a house of cards, a group of nine Manitoba men, ages 19 to 43, eventually confessed that they had been raping Colony families since 2005. To incapacitate their victims and any possible witnesses, the men used a spray created by a veterinarian from a neighboring Mennonite community that he had adapted from a chemical used to anesthetize cows. According to their initial confessions (which they later recanted), the rapists admitted to—sometimes in groups, sometimes alone—hiding outside bedroom windows at night, spraying the substance through the screens to drug entire families, and then crawling inside. 
But it wasn’t until their trial, which took place almost two years later, in 2011, that the full scope of their crimes came to light. The transcripts read like a horror movie script: Victims ranged in age from three to 65 (the youngest had a broken hymen, purportedly from finger penetration). The girls and women were married, single, residents, visitors, the mentally infirm. Though it’s never discussed and was not part of the legal case, residents privately told me that men and boys were raped, too. [...]
All the victims I interviewed said the rapes crossed their minds almost daily. In addition to confiding in friends, they have coped by falling back on faith. Helena, for example—though her clutched arms and pained swaying seemed to belie it—told me she’d found peace and insisted, “I have forgiven the men who raped me.”
She wasn’t alone. I heard the same thing from victims, parents, sisters, brothers. Some even said that if the convicted rapists would only admit their crimes—as they did initially—and ask penance from God, the colony would request that the judge dismiss their sentences.
I was perplexed. How could there be unanimous acceptance of such flagrant and premeditated crimes?
It wasn’t until I spoke with Minister Juan Fehr, dressed as all ministers in the community do, entirely in black with high black boots, that I understood. “God chooses His people with tests of fire,” he told me. “In order to go to heaven you must forgive those who have wronged you.” The minister said that he trusts that most of the victims came to forgiveness on their own. But if one woman didn’t want to forgive, he said, she would have been visited by Bishop Neurdorf, Manitoba’s highest authority, and “he would have simply explained to her that if she didn’t forgive, then God wouldn’t forgive her.” [...]
The Old Colony leaders I spoke with denied that their communities have an ongoing sexual abuse problem and insisted that incidents are dealt with internally when they arise. “[Incest] almost never happens here,” Minister Jacob Fehr told me one evening as we chatted on his porch at dusk. He said that in his 19 years as a minister, Manitoba had only one case of incestuous rape (father to daughter). Another minister denied that even this episode had happened.[...]

Eli Beer, the founder and president of United Hatzalah



Why you should listen to him:

When he was 6-years-old, Eli Beer was walking home from school when he witnessed a bus bombing in Jerusalem. This traumatic experience inspired Beer to seek out a career that saves lives. At age 15, he took an EMT course and began volunteering on an ambulance. But he found that, when someone truly needed fast medical attention, the ambulance just wasn't able to get there in time because of traffic and the distance needed to travel. 

At age 17, Beer gathered a like-minded group of EMTs with a passion for saving lives to listen to police scanners and rush to the scene when medical help was needed in their neighborhood. The initiative became United Hatzalah, which is Hebrew for “rescue.” Twenty-five years later, the organization has more than 2,000 volunteers and helped 207,000 people as they waited for an ambulance last year. Beer serves as United Hatzalah’s president.

Beer has responded to some of the worst civil, wartime and terror-related incidents. In 2010, he was named Social Entrepreneur of the Year in Israel by the Schwab Foundation for Social Entrepreneurship and, two years later, became a World Economic Forum Young Global Leader. Married with five children, when Beer is not saving lives or guiding United Hatzalah, he manages the family real estate company, Beer Realty.

Weberman: The story of rape in Chassidic Williamsburg

Time   The 2012 trial of Nechemya Weberman captivated New Yorkers: the prominent and respected counselor of the Satmar Hasidim sect stood accused of sexually abusing a young girl entrusted in his care. Incredibly, the youthful victim—who was 12 at the start of her four-year ordeal—and her family were ridiculed and defamed by many in this intensely insular ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, nestled in a Brooklyn neighborhood famous for its hipster clubs and cafes.

In her new Kindle ebook The Devil of Williamsburg, which goes on sale today, writer-editor Allison Yarrow offers a compelling account of a crime that horrified a city and forced a devout group of believers to confront some unpleasant truths. It is a piece of long-form investigative journalism—based on reporting, interviews, and courtroom testimony—that has as its narrative spine the story of two women: the young (and now married) victim and Weberman’s wife, who even now professes her husband’s innocence.

In the excerpt below, Yarrow likens the abuse suffered by the girl (called Rayna in the book, but whose real identity has been sealed by the court) to that of a victim of incest. [...]

There are multiple shades and layers in an abusive relationship between a predator and a child victim, says Lipner, who not only treats them, but was once one himself. He says some victims, especially boys, find physical pleasure in sexual encounters with their abuser, which is more distressing and confusing than abuse suffered alone. Despite complex feelings, “children have no mature capacity to consent to sex with adults, even if they like the adult, the attention, or the sexual touch,” Lipner stresses.[...]

None of this nuance would do the prosecution any good in court, where narratives are delivered to juries in stark black and white. But it is a painful contradiction for victims. Rayna will forever wrestle with the shards of her relationship with Weberman.

In the meantime, Weberman’s legal team hopes to use the textbook confusion of the victim‐abuser relationship to Weberman’s advantage in their appeal.
 

Campus rape:Importance of a nationwide coalition against coverups

This article mentions an issue that is critical to the proper handling of sexual abuse - but which I have not seen mentioned elsewhere. It is important that not only a few cases in a few location are publicized and the perpetrators punished. True universal change for dealing with this problem depends on the realization that this an inherent problem of all organizations. When this sickness is finally recognized as such - then it will be accepted and dealt with properly. However as long as sexual abuse is viewed as an rare or one time occurence or the consequences of a single sick individual - it is easier to rationalize coverups.

Time   Most experts say that the rate of campus sexual assault has largely remained constant: one-quarter to one-fifth of college women will experience rape or attempted rape before graduating. The recent outpouring of complaints from students across the country, they say, isn’t because campus sexual assaults are on the rise, but due to the steadily rising level of organization and activism among survivors.

Campus sexual assault is notoriously under-reported. According to a Department of Justice study based on surveys of over 4,000 female students, at a school of 10,000 female students, around 350 or more will become victims of rape. Meanwhile, in 2011, the University of Southern California – a school with around 40,000 students – reported 15 total sexual assaults surrounding all nine of its campuses. The University of Colorado, Boulder, which is also under federal investigation and has more than 30,000 students, lists six incidents.

But higher education watchers worry that universities have a reason to drag their heels on becoming more vigilant when it comes to assault on campus: a significant spike in the number of rapes reported on campus could scare away applicants and damage the school’s reputation.

“The national movement is so important because if only a few people are telling the truth, if only a few campuses are telling the truth, it will hurt them,” Heldman says. “But if everyone starts telling the truth, then we have a radical rethinking of higher education.”

As more complaints and investigations arise, universities will be forced to modify their adjudication and reporting procedures. One thing is clear: schools have a new, powerful force to answer to beyond the federal government.

Weiss-Dodelson divorce battle in the news again: Context & documentation

The following Jewish Week article written by a relative of the wife is obviously not an objective or balanced account of this divorce case involving the Feinstein and Kotler families.   Perhaps the critical issue is the wife's claim that her husband refuses to go to beis din to negotiate a settlement. He denies it and I present here the 20 pages of documentation to support his claim. I have linked to the article as well as one of many articles on the matter published on my blog. None of this material appears or is acknowledged in the Jewish Week article even though it is readily accessible with a Google search - why not?

I submitted this comment to the Jewish Week article - don't know whether it will be published.
Unfortunately this is a very simplistic and biased presentation of a complex issue by a relative of the wife who obviously shares her pain. However there is much material that could and should have been presented if this was meant as anything other than another attack in the continuing battle. For those that are interested the husband's side - it  is available in a number of posts on my blog Daas Torah. Search for "Weiss" in the archives. Alternatively see this post http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/08/weiss-dodleson-divorce-battle-in-news.html which has links to the relevant information.

This is a sad and unfortunate situation - but it is not going to resolved by p.r. fluff pieces in the media. It requires both of them to work together with a neutral beis din
Important links and documentation
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The Jewish Week  My cousin, Gital Dodelson — my beautiful, poised, second cousin who is entering her third year of law school in the evening program at Rutgers University, and who belongs to the strictly observant Orthodox community of Lakewood, N.J. — seemed destined for many happy years ahead in February 2009, when she married Avrohom Meir Weiss, the great-grandson of the late Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, the revered Talmudic authority of his generation.[...]

Alas, the marriage was short-lived. After nine months, Gital gave birth to a baby boy, but just one month later, at Gital’s initiative, in December 2009, the couple parted ways. Three years later, she is still waiting for her “get” — her document of Jewish divorce. 

That wait could take decades. There are cases like that, and my cousins report that Avrohom Meir has indicated if his conditions aren’t satisfied, he’ll wait until Gital’s hair turns gray to give her the get. It seems he isn’t satisfied with the settlement handed down last summer by the New Jersey courts, granting him custody of his son every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon as well as every other weekend. Among his other demands, according to my cousins: He wants to share custody 50-50, and he wants $350,000 to cover his legal expenses.

Also this: He’s not interested in going to a bet din, or rabbinic court, to resolve these matters, and has ignored a siruv (a contempt-of-court ruling issued by a rabbinic court) after failing to heed repeated summonses by Beis Din of Mechon L’Hoyroa, a reputable rabbinic court in Monsey, N.Y.  He continues to ignore the siruv even after several of the most prominent rabbis in the country urged him in writing to go to a rabbinic court. [...]
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In contrast to her claims  my brother wrote on this blog

A  signed letter from major Rosh Yeshivas has been issued attacking Rabbi Avrohom Mayer Weiss for not giving his wife, a Dodelson, a GET. The letter declares three things: One, that the Siruv given the husband by Beth Din Machon LiHorah requires everyone to treat him as if he was in Cherem. Two, everyone should pressure him with public humiliations and by taking away his livelihood to force him to give his wife a GET.

All three things are completely wrong. Let us begin with the Siruv issued by Beth Din Machon LiHorah. Yes, they issued a Siruv and claimed that he did not respond to their demand that he go to a Beth Din to settle his issues with his wife. But there is another Beth Din, that of Rav Gestetner  in Monsey, that has issued a Bitul Siruv, claiming that the husband acted in a proper way and did accept the obligation to go to a Beth Din. The family claims that it has over twenty pages of proof in writing that they did accept the demand by Machon LiHorah to enter the Beth Din process to resolve the issues with his wife.  So the issue must be resolved by a third Beth Din, impartial and fearless and not the cousin of the wife as in this letter. [...]

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Testimony of minor is not to determine guilt but only to protect victims - Rav Dovid Cohen

Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society Fall 2012
Letters
Dear Editor,

In Rabbi Reiss's article (JHCS, Pesach 5772) on child molestation he writes about the difficulty to know for certain  that molestation has occurred: "One hurdle is that acts of child molestation typically occur in private, with only the children able to testify about what has transpired." He then applies the Ramo (Choshen Mishpat 35:14) that in circumstances where the   only individuals present are minors, they  can testify with respect to actions  committed in that venue. However, it seems   to me that the Ramo is not applicable in our situation, because   we are dealing with minors who are the injured party, as is quite clear from the quoted section above. The Ramo did not   permit "testimony" from minors if they are the Baal Davar  (plaintiff or defendant), as that is not "testimony" and they are   not "witnesses" but rather Baalei Davar. [The Shach and Aruch   Hashulchan say that even relatives are not included in the Ramo's rule, Kal V' homer the Baal Davar.] The only   applicability of the Ramo would be if a minor witnessed an act of molestation  committed against another person, which is of  course not the typical situation and is not what is being   discussed here.

Sincerely,
Rabbi Binyamin Cohen

* * *
Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society Spring 2013

Letters
To the Editor:
In the Fall edition of this journal [LXIV], Rav Binyamin  Cohen, sh'lita, comments on an earlier article about child  molestation. There, the author had relied on the ruling of  Ramo [CM 35:14], that it is permissible for beit din to accept the  testimony of a minor if there is no other choice. Rav Cohen  argues, however, that this ruling should not apply to a child's  accusations about what was done to him, because he is a  litigant in the matter, and the testimony of a litigant is not  acceptable in a Jewish court. (On the other hand, if the child is  testifying about something he saw being done to another  person, Rav Cohen would allow Ramo's ruling to apply.)
However, I wish to point out what I think is a fundamental  error in his objection: in these situations, our batei din are not  sitting in judgment concerning punishment or payment. They  are seeking to protect the members of the community, trying  to determine whether the accused offender is to be dismissed  from the position which gives him opportunity to molest.  Their function is not to gather "evidence", but rather to make  a finding according to umdenah (a logical or reasonable  inference: even circumstantial evidence). Anyone's "testi­mony" can be used to establish an uindenah.
The problem of molestation in a community therefore does  not go under the label of nezikin (damages) but rather under  the rubric of hilchot rotzeach ushemirat hanefesh (laws of murder  and protecting life), and the batei din are simply there to  protect the victims. If it is necessary to incarcerate the  offenders in order to protect the victims - so be it.
Rav Dovid Cohen
  Brooklyn, NY
* * *

Moti Elon convicted today of sexual assault on minor

YNet   The Jerusalem Magistrates' Court convicted prominent Religious Zionism leader Rabbi Moti Elon of sexually assaulting a minor on Wednesday. He was found guilty of performing indecent acts against a minor.

The Israeli Institute for behavioral Risk Assessment has been asked to give an opinion on the threat posed by Elon ahead of sentencing.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Difficulty of knowing how to react to reports of sexual harrassment

Scientific American   “I was sexually harassed for four years,” I admitted to a colleague recently. “That’s awful!” he bellowed in outrage and genuine concern, before he promptly changed the subject. Sexual harassment is an uncomfortable topic to discuss with colleagues, especially when you’re the victim. You’re sharing personal details that they feel they shouldn’t know, and would rather not know. When your usual conversation consists of what you watched on TV last night or what you ate for lunch, it’s TMI to hear about your workmate’s sex life.

On the other hand, we’re so swamped with stories of sexism and sexual harassment that some people have become indifferent to them. Take for example the recent “Twitter shaming”. Adria Richards was at a conference when she overheard two guys making jokes she found to be sexist. She took a photo of the men and tweeted it, along with the conference’s code of conduct that prohibits making “sexist, racist or exclusory jokes.” This incident raised awareness about sexism in the tech world but it also resulted in one of the men and Richards being fired by their respective employers. It seemed to many that the whole issue had gone too far. [...]

Confronted with these stereotypes and influenced by the various forces of social conditioning, we often don’t know how to react to sexual harassment anymore. Here are some of the attitudes and opinions expressed to me, both directly and indirectly, when I began speaking out about my situation.

When they didn’t know the details, some people reacted with concern that was tempered with cautiousness. “Could you be overreacting?” or “Maybe you misread him?” There was suspicion over the delay in reporting the incidents, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” and, “Why did you continue to work with him for so long?” Not observing the harassment was a cause for doubt. “I couldn’t tell there was anything wrong!” Some were prejudiced by their positive personal experiences with the harasser, “I know him. He’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that!” My claims were also dismissed with the old adage that boys will be boys. “It’s a guy thing,” and, “That’s just how men behave.” One man offered a backhanded compliment, “Hey, what guy wouldn’t be interested in you!?”

As often happens in these situations, the blame is shifted to the victim. Like the woman in The Drew Carey Show, the victim may be labeled a prude or “uptight”. She lacks a sense of humor. She’s crazy. She may be portrayed as a troublemaker by the accused and his supporters. To undermine her claims, she might be branded a serial complainer, where sexism and sexual harassment are often confused, “You know, she’s accused other men of sexism before.” The case may be demonized as a witch-hunt, and become a cautionary tale told by those who fear that they too could be branded a “harasser” over the slightest comment or glance. “Watch out, or she’ll accuse you too!” I was held up to scrutiny in this way too. According to gossip about me, I gave him mixed-signals, I led him on, I’m flirtatious, and I’m a dirty little slut.

Alternatively, both the accused and accuser are blamed for the situation. Those who didn’t know the extent of the harassment reacted as though we simply don’t play well together in the sandbox. “Why don’t you two just get over it and move on!” The matter was misconstrued as a lover’s tiff, or that we were a couple in an on again, off again relationship. Others didn’t have time for my problems, “I have my own worries.” One person was surprised that I confided in him, saying, “It’s none of my business.” A number of people commiserated but then moaned, “I’m sick of talking about sexual harassment!” [...]

Schlesinger Twins: BBC interview with Beth Alexander

BBC Manchester radio   [...]BH : Let’s return to more serious and difficult issues. You told me earlier that you were suffering from domestic violence in your marriage, and that got pretty bad. Tell us what happened one particular night when you already had the children.

BA: After the birth things just escalated out of control. In February 2010 things were so bad I actually feared for my life. I fled the apartment and went to a women’s refuge overnight. I came back the next morning hoping and praying that things might have calmed down and we could discuss the situation, but when I got to the apartment my husband had called the police and paramedics. His mother and aunt were there and he was throwing me around. He said “I was going to have had you committed to a mental hospital, you’re a psychopath, you’re a terrible mother, you’re a terrible wife, you’ll never see your children again, nobody will know where you are. I’m not even going to tell anyone that you’re in this mental hospital.” [...]

BH : I think you told me that he set up a psychiatrist over the telephone who decided that you were mad (over the phone)…

BA: A colleague of his, a Jewish psychiatrist, the head of psychiatry at the same hospital where he worked who claimed that yes, this woman is mentally ill and he then came to my apartment and backed up my husband and said “yes, she needs locking away” and then when he was asked by the police doctor “have you ever met this girl, have you actually diagnosed her”, he had to admit that actually “I’m sorry, I’ve never met her in my life, I’ve never even spoken to her, I’ve just heard the allegations of the husband”.

BH : Now, if I can put it crudely, you won this stage of the battle because the police evicted your husband from the marital home and you stayed there with the children for about 18 months and he had supervised contact during that period. [...]

Moroccan royal pardon of pedophile causes violent demonstration

Times of Israel Update Aug 6, 2013   Daniel Galvan Vina, convicted of raping 11 children, picked up after bureaucratic mix-up saw him get nearly a week of freedom

aljazeera.    A demonstration ended in bloodshed and violence on Friday in Morocco when hundreds of protesters gathered outside the parliament in Rabat in a show of outrage over the royal pardoning of a convicted pedophile.

"The police hit everyone really hard. It was really violent," said Houda Chaloun, 32, from Casablanca who was at the demonstration. "I have never seen in the past two years such a violent repression of any kind of gathering," she said in a phone interview.

Last Tuesday, 18 months after his sentencing, 63-year-old Daniel Galvan was pardoned by Moroccan King Mohammed VI. Galvan is one of 48 Spanish prisoners, who were released from custody as a courtesy gesture following the visit of Spanish monarch King Juan Carlos.

According to reports, protests were violently dispersed in several cities in Morocco on Friday evening.

The conviction of Galvan was the result of an unprecedented court decision, validated by Morocco’s Supreme Court: the man accused of abusing 11 children was sentenced to 30 years in prison in a country where sentences against pedophiles have often been minimal.

"The pardon threw away one of the most important court decisions in the history of Morocco," Hamid Krayri, the victim’s lawyer told Al Jazeera. "This man took advantage of vulnerable, poor children and it was the first time a pedophile got such a harsh sentence in Morocco." [...]

Motti Elon: Additional graver allegations of abuse emerge

Times of Israel   One day before the verdict in a sexual assault case against Rabbi Mordechai Elon, one of the most prominent modern Orthodox rabbis of his generation in Israel, a website serving the religious community released a dated recording in which another senior rabbi claimed that the charges brought before the court omitted far graver acts committed by Elon. 

“The victims don’t want to reveal what happened; their wounds are bleeding and they don’t want to stand before a cross examination and be revealed,” said Rabbi Yaakov Ariel of the acts allegedly committed by Rabbi Mordechai Elon. Some of those acts, he said, were “whales” when compared to the charges brought before the court, which he described as “small fish.”
Elon was charged in a Jerusalem Magistrate’s Court with two counts of sexual harassment and sexual assault.

In February one of the alleged victims refused to take the stand and testify against his former teacher, leaving a single complainant remaining and placing the reputation of the religious group that brought the alleged misconduct to light in doubt.

Ariel is a prominent member of the group, Forum Takana, which was founded in 2003 and has attempted to police its own community on matters relating to sexual misconduct. [...]

Speaking to Army Radio on Tuesday morning, Ariel called the publication of the recording on the website Kippa and subsequent articles “a travesty” and said he had intended for the interview to be used only in case it became necessary to further deter Elon and not in order to sway the upcoming verdict.[..]