Thursday, November 21, 2013

Weiss-Dodelson: A divorced mother's shame from reading Gital's interviews

I recently received this letter,
I do not know Gital or the case and am a simple divorced Jewish mother -  married off 11 children.  All I know is that I am extremely saddened to hear someone - who was educated to kedusha and tahara and to idea of Kol kevoda bas melech penima and the genuine Bais Yaakov derech - speak the way she does, She is responsible for the chinuch she will be giving her precious son. Why is she going so far? I know she was joking when she told her mother what she did - but that surely is not the way her chasuva family taught her. Its not kedai. Can this be conveyed to her. She must return to the way of a true Bais Yaakiv girl.

My inner feeling  - and I could of course be wrong - is that the father is sincerely worried about the way Gital will raise their son. Poor little thing. He should be raised to Torah and yiras Shomayim and she should spend time every day davening for this. That should be her first priority.

Also here in Eretz Yisrael frum women study to be lawyers at KIryat Ono. But Rutgers is a far cry from that. As a relative of the Kotler family her main concern in life should be helping the child grow up as a true Ben Torah.

Chilul Hashem is not an easy aveira to say the least. She should get out of the mud immediately and seek a tikune of how to reverse itl. She might think I'm naive or who knows what. But convey this message to her,. Devorim she'balevm nichnasim el halev.

Actually I'm not as poshut as I make myself out to be, if that makes taking my remarks into consideration.  We have a relative through marriage with strong connections in Lakewood. Also, one of the gedolai ha'dor in the not too distant past, is a great grandfather of my gradchidlren. Many of my sons are big talmidei chachomim. I myself work as a writer and translator of divrei Torah. If that makes any difference to heeding what I have conveyed -aderabbah.


  1. "the father is sincerely worried" - Father? There you go again with that bronze-age misogynist patriarchy attitude. Gital's been well trained by the YU ORA feminist movement. In ORA's new age feminist movement, the obsolete, regressive concept of fathers has been eliminated. There are only sperm donors who can be removed at a moment's notice courtesy of the YU prenup agreement.

    Not to worry, Gital and her OH-RAH feminist pals are looking for a good step-father for little Aryeh. Why can't all the male chauvinist agunah mongers on this blog appreciate that?


    To AZ and others, the public realizes that something smell bad with Dodelson/Kotlers.

    Isn't it time for BMG and partners to to reconsider their role in this case that undermines themselves more than anything?

  3. Also here in Eretz Yisrael frum women study to be lawyers at KIryat Ono. But Rutgers is a far cry from that. As a relative of the Kotler family her main concern in life should be helping the child grow up as a true Ben Torah.

    Fine, you don't want Gital to go to Rutgers and obtain a law degree. Who are you to impose your judgments?

    1. My brothers and I (we are FFB) went to Rutgers Business and Law. We lived home but there was separate sex housing (Chabad or other options), kosher dining as well as several shuls nearby and on campus. Rutgers is a commuter school and most students do not have classes on Fridays.

  4. well, then, wake up. They clearly weren't raised with kedusha - don't project yourself onto their crazy situation

  5. in this weeks parsha we see a shining example of how to act in the face of terrible misunderstandings and overwhelming unfairness . We have Tamar who was left an aguna by Yehuda, and who acted out of desperation to change her status. But when it came to saving herself . she chose to face Death rather than shame Yehuda, who clearly had wronged her.
    Rochel imenu was left to face an aguna future or even worse, a marriage to esav, and instead of crying out the truth of who she was or at least keeping quiet and letting the truth come out under the chuppa , she pro actively went and hurt her own cause by giving leah the simanim, Better deal privately with her situation than cause public shame to her sister,.
    These are the kind of women who should be our role models., mothers of royalty and bringers of the geula.
    I know we cannot expect eveyone to be on the level of our imahos, especially when in pain and desperate, , but where are our gedolim and mechanchim?
    Shouldn't there be a red line that is NOT crossed, no matter your own personal pain?
    Shouldn"t we be teaching our children that No, you don't come first .but kovod shomayim does!
    Maybe this is why we have a shidduch crisis, an epidemic of gittin and children going off the derech.

    1. Dodelson went to Beis Din. Not a Lakewood/Kotler Beis Din. A reputable Beis Din in Monsey. She has a heter to publicly "shame" the moser. The heter does not limit the publicity to Jewish newspapers.

      The massive chillul hashem is not a frum woman getting a law degree - its a frum man with no desire to reconcile with his wife refusing to grant her a religious divorce. That is the narrative being publicized and it is the truth.

    2. Leah,
      You have aptly shown why we shouldn't be paskening halachos from midrashim. Most people cant even figure out pshat in the Medrash.

      I did notice, though, that Divorced Mother in EY and you have both forgotten a Mishnah in Avos: אל תדין את חברך עד שתגיע למקומו.

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  7. This is a cry of anguish and I respect it and others who have said similar things. Here we see some toughie Dodelsons and Kotlers who wanted to make mud out of a quiet person, and now they have ended up making mud of themselves. Who knows what her next letter will be? The parents are at fault. They set this up, they paid for it, and now they are reaping the storm. They have destroyed the honor of their illustrious family. And I really don't know if they realize it and if they care. They are so busy terrorizing. They don't realize that they will never break the Feinsteins, even if they destroy them financially, even if they close their Yeshiva. And if they do make a coerced GET, it will be invalid, and Gitel's next stop will not be free love, but mamzerim. Ultimately, the Dodelsons followed the teachings of their "gedolim" who made a new Torah for Gitel. So the blame is squarely on them. They have destroyed the Torah. They have destroyed Gitel. And what are they doing to the family? Who wants to marry into such a family and maybe face the fire? How stupid are some people? It is incredible.

    1. Dovid,

      Others have written this already, and I too can attest:

      If the do are in fact operating with the kamikaze-type attitude you describe, they may indeed be able to point the finger of blame at the Dodelsons for 'destroying, Torah, destroying Gital, destroying the family'.

      The problem is, like most kamikazes, they will have also destroyed themselves, and their grandson, in the process.

      A true pity, probably on both sides.

  8. I do not see the relevance of the author's relatives and connections to Lakewood. Her article ought to stand on its own merits for our evaluation.

    ben dov-

  9. is this a joke, "my gut feeling tells me"- well my gut feeling tells me the opposite
    "in Eretz Yisrael frum women study to be lawyers at KIryat Ono. But Rutgers is a far cry from that"- well maybe if her husband had gotten a job she could have continued being aidel, "As a relative of the Kotler family"-stop being such an elitist, who cares where ur from


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