Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Rav Steinman: A fixed learning session before candle lighting is an act of cruelty to his wife

Kikar Shabbat    באחד מכוללי "שישי שבת", העלו יוזמה להוסיף סדר לימוד בערב שבת, לפני הדלקת הנרות, בעקבות קריאת גדולי לחיזוק הלימוד בימי שישי ושבת.
בטרם הוציאו את היוזמה אל הפועל, עלו מנהלי הכולל למעונו של מרן הגראי"ל שטיינמן, כדי לשמוע את דעתו באשר לקביעת סדר הלימוד לפני הדלקת הנרות.
להפתעתם, ראש הישיבה הורה בנחרצות לא יעשו כן בשום פנים ואופן.
את הוראתו נימק הגראי"ל בכך שהזמן שטרם הדלקת הנרות הוא הזמן "הלחוץ ביותר בבית במשך השבוע וזו אכזריות להשאיר כך את האישה לבד".
ראש הישיבה הוסיף ואמר כי "מי שרוצה ללמוד ואשתו רוצה שהוא ילמד - תבוא עליו ברכה. אבל לקבוע סדר לזה בשום אופן לא".
"מי שבכל זאת רוצה", הוסיף ראש הישיבה לסיום, "שיחשוב בלימוד".


  1. "If the woman is 'mochel' "he seems to OK it.
    If the extra $$$ goes to the wife, she'll surly be 'mochel'.
    (But 'no seder')

  2. That was a beautiful one

  3. Rav Shteinman has common sense. The problem is that avreichim are desperate for funds and will endure great hardship to earn anothe dollar.

    Even though kollelim in Israel pay significantly more than Lakewood.

  4. wow! I remember when I learned by R' Tzvi kaplan him screaming about the bittul Torah on Friday. I distinctly remember him screaming "Stop playing with the pots it's the wife's job".

    1. I think it depends how you understand Eiruvin (21b-22a)

      His locks are curled.38 This, said R. Hisda in the name of Mar ‘Ukba, teaches that it is possible to pile up mounds of expositions on every single stroke [of the letters of the Torah];39 and black as a raven:38 With whom do you find these? With him who for their sake rises early [to go] to, and remains late in the evening [before returning home from] the schoolhouse.1 Rabbah explained: [You find these only] with him who for their sake blackens his face like a raven.2 Raba explained: With him who can bring himself to be cruel to his children and household like a raven,3 as was the case with4 R. Adda b. Mattenah. He was about to go away to a schoolhouse when his wife said to him, ‘What shall I do with your children?’ — ‘Are there’, he retorted: ‘no more5 herbs6 in the marsh?’

    2. Two stories: 1) Rav Pam made the potato kugel on fridays.

      2) A newly married kollel man went to the Stiepler and told him that his wife has trouble getting ready for Shabbos on time. The Stiepler told him to pick up a broom.

    3. Can't we ever agree on "DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS".
      There is no one that argues to help your wife, spend some time with the kinderlach and participate in Shabbos preparations. The secher is the same as the limud hatorah seder. GO FOR IT!!!

  5. It is high time the perversions of thought about limud haTorah are challenged by a Godol. The entire inyan of hasmodoh never meant the non-stop learning. It meant the full use of time productively in the mission of Torah and Mitzvos - basically the fulfillment of ratzon Hashem. However, the way that some people use it is "abuse", where Torah learning becomes the exploited excuse.

    One should be making the "cheshbon hanefesh" as recommended by the Baalei Mussar. In this inventory of one's true spiritual existence, one would need to look deep inside one's soul and be brutally honest about the thoughts and feelings that motivate behavior. That includes those things we do in Avodas Hashem. Are we truly doing our Mitzvos because of Hashem's commandment and our desire to fulfill His will? Or are we seeking to support the image that others have of us? Have we become too preoccupied with what "we" want, couching our own arrogance and pursuit of Torah and Mitzvos in the cloak of holiness, masking our narcissism?

    Rav Shteinman shlit"a is on target in berating the folly of this. At least he is standing up for true Kavod HaTorah.

  6. ORA planning rally at yeshiva of Staten island and your not covering it? How can you let the rosh hayeshivos of other yeshivos do this?????

  7. The headline is extremely misleading. It appears that Rav Steinman is against an organized Seder which puts pressure on men to learn even when their wives need them at home.
    However for individuals. every situation is unique. My wife is thrilled that I go to learn for a hour before candlelighting.


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