Importance of husband being boss:Chesed l'Avraham

[[Translation from Daas Torah- copyrighted]]

Chesed L’ Avraham (Maayin 4: Nahar 48): You should know that Shir HaShirim is concerned with the issue of chasan and kallah. The chasan alludes to the Shechinah (Divine Presence) and the kallah to the Jewish people. It is known that all the attributes of G‑d are measure for measure. In other words to the degree that a person conducts himself in relationship to G‑d so too will his wife conduct herself in relationship to him. That is why our Sages say that if a man merits it then his wife assists him but if he doesn’t merit it then she will be his opponent. She will rebel against him when he rebels against G‑d. But this principle is only relevant for tzadikim. Consequently every ben Torah whose wife does not obey him has no right to complain because he brought this on himself. In contrast, the wicked have their lives conducted on the basis of natural phenomenon and their wives obey them when they are afraid of them.

You should know that it is not appropriate that the wife should be seated on the right side of her husband but only on the left side. However the kallah at the chupah at the time when the sheva berachos (7 blessings) are being recited, it is necessay for the kallah to be standing on the right side of the chasan...The reason for this that there is a major segula (remedy) that if the chasan is careful to place his right foot on the kallah’s left foot at the time of the sheva berachos, he that succeeds at this is more likely to be able to rule over his wife for his whole life and she will be subservient to him and obedient to his every word. However if the kallah is careful to place her left foot on the chasan’s right foot – then she will rule over him all her life. There was an incident in which the chasan placed his right foot on the left foot of his kallah during sheva berachos in order that he should rule over her. When the kallah told her father about this he taught her and cautioned her that the time of the first intercourse that she should ask the chasan to bring to her a pitcher of water and by means of this it would cause that she should rule over him all of her day. This is a segula (remedy) to nullify the effects of the segula (remedy) of placing his right foot to rule over the kallah....

The basis of this segula is that the woman is from the left side and her conduct is based on the strict level of right and wrong which is difficult. In such a house run by the strict level of justice there is no lack of sickness and poverty and something else. Happy is the household that is run by the man because it is as if it is run by the attribute of mercy. Consequently there will be no bad happenings that will happen in that household because the Shechina (Divine Presence) is manifest in a house which is conducted according to the attribute of mercy. You should also know that there are three types of gevura (might) in man. The first is the might which is involved in conquering many lands. The second type is even greater than the first and is the gevura in controlling his wife. The third which is the hardest is the gevura in controlling his evil inclination.

Otzer HaPoskim:Kuntres Ma'us Alei & Forced Get

This morning I had a chance to sit down with Otzer HaPoskim which effectively collects and collates all the issues that we have been dealing with here. For those who would really like to get to the bottom line on the topic of the use of force when the woman says she can't stand her husband - look at the last volume dealing with Shulchan Aruch (E. H. 77:2). There you will find a 36 pages  kuntres of the relevant sources. The issue of the suffering of the woman vs the stablity of the institution of marriage is there. The problem of the rights of the husband versus the real problem that women will give up yiddishkeit if trapped in a unhappy marriage. The problem of the availability of heterim and their use when the wife simply gets bored with her husband or finds another man who is more interesting. There is also a section of whether the problem of get me'usa is a concern only l'chatichila or even bedieved. In other words if the woman remarries do we force the second husband to divorce her because we are afraid that the first get was posul. I also found the Rav Chaim Palaggi that had been mentioned as well as an interesting Rabbeinu Yonah [to be continued]

Israeli-Arabs move into Jewish neighborhoods

Tablet Magazine

In the Jewish state, Jews and Arabs generally live separately. Even in so-called mixed cities like Haifa, Akko, Jaffa, Lod, Ramle, and Jerusalem—whose heterogeneous populations predate statehood—there are Arab neighborhoods and Jewish ones. It’s unusual to find members of the two communities living on the same block, let alone in the same apartment building.

Most people seem to like it this way. Even for those who consider themselves liberals, their ideal is more often “separate but equal” than equal and integrated. But in recent years, things have been changing, if only because conditions in Arab municipalities are anything but equal to those in Jewish towns.

Prof. Aziz Haidar discovered just to what extent several years ago, when he and his colleagues at the Jerusalem Van Leer Institute began mapping the Arab citizenry of Israel. They started with the raw population statistics compiled by the Central Bureau of Statistics, but when they added up the numbers of Arabs living in all the country’s Arab municipalities and in its mixed cities, “we discovered that there were 60,000 missing,” he said. That is, that the sum they arrived at was 60,000 less than the total number of Israelis classified in their identity cards as Arabs—in 2010, some 1.5 million. “It turned out,” Haidar said, “that they were living in Jewish cities. That was a big surprise.”

Spitzer sentenced to 7 years for arson attack

lohud

Shaul Spitzer, a follower of the New Square grand rebbe, has been sentenced to seven years in prison for first-degree assault in the attack on Aron Rottenberg at 4:15 a.m. May 22 during an attempt to burn down the family's home on Truman Avenue in New Square.

Spitzer was sentenced this morning in state Supreme Court in New City.

Rottenberg, 44, once a plumber, continues to recover from third-degree burns over 50 percent of his body, suffered when Spitzer set off an incediary device while grappling with Rottenberg. Spitzer suffered burns to his hands and arms.

Koran Giveaway in Germany is problematic

NYTimes

BERLIN — A drive by a fundamentalist Muslim group to give a copy of the Koran to every German, Swiss and Austrian household has tapped into the widespread anti-Islamic feeling in Germany and created an uproar among politicians and security officials concerned that the group handing out the holy books is using the campaign as a cover to recruit radicals. 

There is nothing illegal about distributing religious works in Germany — it is a frequent practice of Scientologists and Hare Krishnas, not to mention Christians — but officials are worried about who is doing the distributing. 

The Koran campaign is the brainchild of Ibrahim Abou-Nagie, a Palestinian who preaches a fiery conservative brand of Islam known as Salafism.

Disabilities Act Used by Lawyers in Flood of Suits

NYTimes

A small cadre of lawyers, some from out of state, are using New York City’s age and architectural quirkiness as the foundation for a flood of lawsuits citing violations of the Americans With Disabilities Act. 

The lawyers are generally not acting on existing complaints from people with disabilities. Instead, they identify local businesses, like bagel shops and delis, that are not in compliance with the law, and then aggressively recruit plaintiffs from advocacy groups for people with disabilities. 

The plaintiffs typically collect $500 for each suit, and each plaintiff can be used several times over. The lawyers, meanwhile, make several thousands of dollars, because the civil rights law entitles them to legal fees from the noncompliant businesses.

Chin inplants - up 71% in 2011

CBC

Cosmetic chin surgery is on the rise among women and men in the United States, most notably in people over the age of 40.

The number of "chinplants" increased 71 per cent between 2010 and 2011 according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) - faster than breast augmentation, Botox and liposuction combined

Get Me'usa: L'chatchila vs. Bedieved????

A simple question has been raised. It seems that even though there are rishonim who allow pressure of various types for a man to give his wife a get - the Achronim require being very cautious because of the possibility the get was not given freely. In short they are choshesh that the pressure produced a get me'usa and thus is invalid.  

What happens if the concerns are ignored. It apparently means at most that there is the possibility that the get is invalid but it is not certain. It also means that we are concerned at most with the possibility that someone might not want to marry the woman - but not that the children are in fact mamzerim. Thus if woman want to take the chance that they might lose a part of the population as possible husbands - what is wrong with allowing this to happen - especially she has a number of major rabbis advocating she do so?

Fired Ramaz nurse can sue for reporting abuse

Forward

A former school nurse at the Ramaz School in New York who says she was fired for reporting a possible case of child abuse can sue the school under the state’s whistleblower law.

The New York State Court of Appeals court ruled April 12 in a 3-2 vote that Joyce Villarin can sue the school for retaliatory termination, upholding a 2010 decision from Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Milton Tingling.

Ramaz encouraged Villarin, who had been working at the school for a year when the incident occurred, not to report the incident to authorities. She was fired in April 2008 after reporting the incident because the school said she was “not a team player.”

Jailing rape victim to ensure testimony

NYTimes

 In a case that has pitted law-enforcement officials against advocates of victims’ rights, prosecutors in Sacramento County, Calif., have detained a 17-year-old girl for twice failing to appear in court to testify against the man accused of raping her. 

The prosecutors say that testimony from the teenager, who twice ran away from a foster home before scheduled court appearances, is critical in the upcoming trial against a man who has a long criminal record and is also suspected of raping at least one other woman. But the teenager’s lawyer and victims’ advocates say that the detention would discourage others, especially those who have been sexually assaulted, from coming forward. They described the move as a setback in a state with some of the country’s strongest laws protecting victims.

Muslims on Wall Street, Bridging Two Traditions

NYTimes

Young Muslims, one of the newest groups to make inroads in American finance, can face steep barriers to entry. Some obstacles are remnants of a less tolerant era. But prominent, too, are the limitations of Islam itself — a faith whose tenets, Muslim workers say, often seem at odds with Wall Street’s sometimes bacchanalian culture. 

Granted, for the many Muslims in New York and elsewhere who have made peace with a more secular culture, working on Wall Street may not pose any problem. And Muslims, of course, aren’t the only ones whose values can clash with the ways of Wall Street. Orthodox Jews, conservative Christians and other faithful working in finance have all, at one point, had to square their beliefs and practices with an environment in which money, not God, is king. 

But for observant Muslims hoping to keep the values and practices of Islamic law, known as Sharia, intact even as they climb the ladder, the calculus can be messy.

Chazon Ish: Rare video

The Chazon Ish from Lakewood246 on Vimeo.

Cohabiting doesn't prevent divorce

NYTimes

Cohabitation in the United States has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. The majority of young adults in their 20s will live with a romantic partner at least once, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by cohabitation. This shift has been attributed to the sexual revolution and the availability of birth control, and in our current economy, sharing the bills makes cohabiting appealing. But when you talk to people in their 20s, you also hear about something else: cohabitation as prophylaxis. 

In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. 

But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.[...]

Coaches Face New Scrutiny on Sex Abuse

NYTimes

The case of Jerry Sandusky, a former defensive coordinator for Penn State’s football team accused of child sexual abuse, is now working its way through the courts. But it is already having an impact on thousands of other coaches, both volunteer and paid, who find themselves facing new scrutiny from parents, sports organizations and even state legislators. 

Since the Penn State scandal came to light in November, lawmakers in more than a dozen states, including New York, California and Pennsylvania, have introduced bills adding coaches, athletic directors or university officials to the list of “mandated reporters” of suspected child abuse or neglect. In the past month, such bills have been signed in Virginia, Washington and West Virginia, with several other states expected to follow suit.[...]