Igros Moshe (O.C. I #158): Question If a man and his wife have different customs from different countries and they married in New York which also has a variety of opposing customs. Which customs do they follow? Answer In my view the wife needs to follow the customs of her husband. The wife after marriage is viewed as being in the domain of her husband according to the Torah law and this is the basis of marriage.. That is why the gemora says that when there is a conflict of honoring her father or or husband that the husband takes precedent. Thus when she marries she moves to the husband domain and must adopt his customs.
All the classical sources talk about adopting the customs of the place you live. Yet nowadays it's very clear this is ignored. A Chosid who moves to a place where there are different, non-Chasidim minhagim, will continue to practice his clan's behaviours even if it leads to clashes with the local community. (On 9 Av at mincha, the hagbha in my shul went to a Lubavitcher and the gabbai told him to do it our way. He did but looked extremely uncomfortable. His father would've probably ignored the gabbai and done it the Chabad way)
ReplyDeleteSo when did this change? When did "I'm from Cracow so even though I am now in Montreal, I'm still doing it the Cracow way!"?
That only was relevant in a place that had one common minhag. Today most communities have many sub communities
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