I just finished speaking with another young man whose life has been destroyed because of a divorce in which his wife was guided by a well known Chareidi Feminist Gadol. This Gadol after listening only to the wife advised her how to make her husband miserable and alienate the children from him.
Why does this problem of destructive Rabbinic advice - continue to occur as readers of this Blog have seen many times over the years. Why do these rabbis who are well respected as scholars etc. etc. feel comfortable with facilitating a hostile and cruel breakup of a once loving family. As well as the psychological harm to the children and husband.
This Gadol was asked why he gave advise to the wife after hearing only her side of the story? He responded by saying this is the way psak works - you given an answer according to the facts that are presented. If the husband got to him first he would simply accept everything that he was told. In other words he is not responsible for the wife's destructive behavior since he was simply following Standard Procedure. It is not his job to find out the truth
It is like going to a brain surgeon and telling him not only the diagnosis but how and where he needs to operate.
One possible answer other than saying they are too busy to care about the horrible consequences of their intervention is to say they are ashamed that the halacha favors the husband. Since they are chareidi they can't change the halacha so they counterbalance it with legal and psychological solutions in order to make the sides more equivalent. However the result is Frankenstein's monster which benefits no one
Thus the concern is not truth or justice but rather viewing the husband as an evil male bully who needs to be taught a lesson - even if it means sacrificing the psychological and spiritual well being of the children
It is time for all rabbis (and therapists) to accept that what is needed and required is what is best for the children and not view themselves as champions for the damsel in distress or the nebach husband. It is time to acknowledge that once a hostile family breakup has happened it is often impossible to undo the harm.
A Chareidi Feminist Gadol is like a vegan deli.
ReplyDeleteSo here's the thing: how was the question posed? Dear Rabbi, here's my situation, what's your advice? or Dear Rabbi, I'm asking for a halakhic ruling here.
And how was the answer given? I am often asked questions like this and preface my response with "Based on what you told me and given that I don't know the other side of the story, assuming things are the way you describe which I have no way of knowing..."