Custody Battle Raises Questions About the Rights of Women - or divorce is unfair to someone

NYTimes    The relationship did not last long — but she did become pregnant. And now the skier, 36, and Ms. McKenna, 27, a former Marine and firefighter who is attending Columbia University with G.I. Bill support, are locked in a cross-country custody fight that has become not only tabloid fodder but also a closely watched legal battle over the rights of pregnant women to travel and make life choices. 

In December, when she was seven months pregnant and already sparring with Mr. Miller about their future relations, Ms. McKenna moved to New York to start school. Mr. Miller accused her of fleeing to find a sympathetic court, and a New York judge agreed, castigating Ms. McKenna for virtually absconding with her fetus. This allowed a California court to subsequently grant custody of the baby, a boy, to Mr. Miller and also set off alarm bells among advocates for women’s rights. 

But on Nov. 14, a five-judge appeals court in New York said Ms. McKenna’s basic rights had been violated, adding, “Putative fathers have neither the right nor the ability to restrict a pregnant woman from her constitutionally protected liberty.” 

The appeals court also ruled that jurisdiction belonged in New York. 

On Monday, a New York City Family Court will start proceedings that could switch custody of the boy, now nine months old, back to Ms. McKenna.[...]

Once the boy was born, Ms. McKenna filed in New York for temporary custody. But on May 30, a Family Court referee refused, rebuking Ms. McKenna for “unjustifiable conduct” and “forum shopping” and making the unusual decision to leave the case in California even though the baby was born and lived in New York. 

While Ms. McKenna “did not ‘abduct’ the child,” the court said, “her appropriation of the child while in utero was irresponsible, reprehensible.” 

The Family Court in San Diego proceeded to grant primary custody to Mr. Miller. On Sept. 4, as Ms. McKenna described it, choking up, Mr. Miller and his wife came to her apartment, “took the baby out of my arms, dropped it in a car seat and drove away.”

Rabbi Zweibel: Aguna supporters are creating halachic problems

Rabbi Dovid Zweibel  said at the Aguda convention:

"There are so many issues, the Agunah issue, which has been in the news for all kinds of terrible reasons... 'We have to do something about it!' Unfortunately we discover that sometimes 'doing something about it' without the proper hadracha of Gedolei yisroel, can be so terribly counterproductive and can create shaalos about the validity of Gittin." See minute 19:52



Motzoei Shabbos Address from R' Chaim Dovid Zwiebel from Agudath Israel on Vimeo.

Weiss-Dodelson: Did the Weiss family lie about Rabbi Greenwald's involvement?

Update November 23, 2013: Rabbi Greenwald's letter to me below
Besides the hostility of the Dodelson's towards the Weiss family because Avraham Meir has not given their daughter a get - there are strong accusation by Dodelson supporters that the Weiss's are lying about Rabbi Greenwald's involvement to try and find a resolution of the crisis. A more polite version of this accusation is found on the Dodelson's website in the section refuting Weiss statements. The critical issues is whether the families were in negotiation with Rabbi Greenwald prior to Gital going to the New York Post and publicly shaming the Weiss family and Orthodox Judaism. She claimed she had no alternative to get her freedom. In response Rav Reuven Feinstein's son Rav David claims they were in the midst of negotiation with Rabbi Greenwald and thus Gital had no need for the interview.

Inititally I thought that Rabbi Greenwald would simply explain whether he thought the Weiss's were liars. In response to my questions in this matter I did receive a letter from him - but it just repeated what his third letter said without explaining the contradition with the first two letters He did not respond for my request for further clarification. Because the Weiss family decided not to get involved in a public debate,  contrary to my expectation they did not issue a public rebuttal.  Because of the continued sneering comments I am getting from Dodelson supporters - that not only accuse the Weiss's of dishonesty but also Rav Dovid Feinstein -  I have decided to make the efforts to explain the matter. This explanation has not be reviewed or authorized by anyone - I take full responsibility for it.  Rabbi Greenwald's 3 letters - full text
Rav Dovid Feinstein (Rav Reuven's son) letter

========================

The first two letters written by Rabbi Greenwald were on October 2013 and November 7^th.

In the October letter he wrote the [3^rd parties],

It's 4 months ago that both of you [3^rd parties] asked that I serve as binding arbitrator ... and bring about a get. ... It is unfortunate that due to many legal conditions regarding binding arbitration the proposal that I become the binding arbitrator was not accepted....

In the November 7^th letter he wrote to Rabbi Weiss:

I want to make it clear that I appreciate the fact that you and Avrohom Meir agreed to the proposal I had suggested on Oct 15 so that the get could be given without delay. The Weiss and Dodelson familes came to me in June 2013 asking me to undertake this process. Since then I have consulted with the families, their advisors and outside experts, which led to my carefully considered proposal. You accepted my proposal provided it included 2 provisions....Once the proposal was accepted by the Weiss family, I advised the Dodelsons of your acceptance. I was informed that they didn't accept my proposal and I'm still waiting to hear from them of a counter proposal. I believe that once I have both proposals in hand, some compromise can be worked out so that this tragic situation can be resolved.

We learn from these letters

1) 3^rd parties asked Rabbi Greenwald to serve as binding arbitrator

2) Legal conditions made the proposal of binding arbitration unacceptable [and not because the parties refused]

3) Both the Weiss and Dodelson familes came to Rabbi Greenwald and asked him to undertake this process.

4) Rabbi Greenwald put in a lot of effort consulting with the families, their adisors and outside experts.[which the Dodelson's fully participated including having their lawyer evaluate the proposals]

5) Rabbi Greenwald drew up a proposed solution which was accepted by the Weiss family [end of October 2013]

6) The Dodelson's didn't accept the proposal

7) Rabbi Greenwald was expecting a counterproposal.

8) The Dodelson's did not offer a counterproposal but Gital went to the NY Post and gave her interview in the beginning of November – in which she claimed she had no other option for obtaining the Get.

It is obvious that what these letters say is in total agreement with the assertions of Rav Dovid Feinstein and Rav Reuven's son Rav Dovid.  Thus those who have claimed that the Weiss's are liars and that Rav Dovid was less than honest regarding Rabbi Greenwald's involvedment are clearly wrong

1) Rav Dovid Feinstein wrote:

 "As Rabbi Greenwald's letter attests, both families agreed to come before him for a decision to resolve this matter Therefore, Avrahom Meir cannot be considered a mesarev or a me'agen." [This was not a claim of binding arbitration but as a mediator]

 2) Rav Dovid Feinstein (son of Rav Reuven) wrote:

Mrs. Dodelson, Saki, was actually the one around yomim noraim time this year, that reached out to my wife, to ask what we can do to get the process back on track.

Around Chol Hamoed Succos, I saw a chance. Avrom Meir Weiss reiterated clearly to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, (and signed the document), that he would accept unconditionally the ruling of Ronny Greenwald, who was accepted to be the binding arbitrator. (Even if he does not like, or agree with the decision, he will accept it.} He made it clear (in writing), that he would accept the arbitration, and a get would be given forty five days after the decision is entered into court, so as the other side, the Dodelsons, cannot appeal. At that time, a get will be given.

The arbitration started in May. It stalled for five months, but Boruch Hashem it was restarted on Oct. 15 2013. According to Ronny Greenwald, even though the Weiss's responded in time, before the deadline Sunday the 20th of Oct. and it's not clear to me if and when the Dodelsons responded, the Weiss's, even today, are still accepting Ronny's decision, and will abide by his words as a non partial binding decision, and Avrom Meir is still willing to give the get, as stated above. [...]

I do not know who is behind the newspaper articles, and demonstrations that are going on while arbitration are still in progress,( to me it seems counterproductive). Also, I have no idea what can be said about the Chilul Hashem. Whoever's fault you want to say it is, how can we let the Kovod Shamayim be lowered like this? Does it make a Difference who's fault this is?

[This letter says that only Avrohom Meir accepted in writing that Rabbi Greenwald proposal was binding. It is important to note that while Rabbi Feinstein uses the term arbitration he apparently means mediation. Rabbi Feinstein objected to the Dodelson's going to the newspapers and having demonstrations when mediation is going on. Mediation had in fact been going on and Rabbi Feinstein assumed - as did Rabbi Greenwald - that even though they didn't like the proposal of Oct 15  they would come back with a counteroffer.

Thus apparently there is no problem or inconsistently between these two letters and the view of the Weiss/Feinstein family and the comment of Rav Dovid Feinstein.

Third letter from Rabbi Greenwald:
 However Rabbi Greenwald wrote a 3^rd letter on November 11, 2013 which seems to  contradict his first two letters. This letter was apparently written to the Dodelsons or their lawyer. It was posted on the Dodelson's website click here-  refuting Weiss statements   which also incorrectly summarizes Rav Dovid Feinstein's (Rav Reuven's son) view as:

    Rabbi Dovid B. Feinstein put out a statement explaining the Weisses’ current position.  This is the gist of his statement:
1.      The two sides accepted Ronnie Greenwald as binding arbitrator
2.      The arbitrator rendered a decision
3.      The Weisses accepted the decision
4.      The Dodelsons rejected it
5.      Hence, the Get is on the table and the Dodelsons are unreasonably refusing to take it

Rabbi Greenwald wrote this letter immediately after the NY Post interview with Gital was released. He also fell and broken a number of bones and was suffering from strong pain and was on heavy medication. He also reported that he was inundated by calls and emails demanding an explanation of his position and he said he could not take it any more.

What was the purpose of this letter? The 3rd letter says in part:

[...] 3^rd parties asked me to offer my services to the Weiss Dodelson Families to serve as Binding Arbitrator for their disputes...I was unable to set up such an arbitration format and the parties never agreed to my serving as Binding Arbitrator.

I have since then tried to step forward as a mediator. In this effort too I never received any agreement from the parties to serve as a mediator.    This leaves their disputes as they were prior to my efforts.  While I may cointinue to try to mediate, I am doing so strictly on my own initiative and not at the request or with the consent of the parties.  I regret if my previous letter of Nov. 7^th created the mistaken impression that the parties had ageeed to my role as either Binding Arbitrator or mediator.

Rabbi Greenwald's letter clarification letter to me

 I wrote to Rabbi Greenwald regarding this third letter  On Tue, Nov 12, 2013 at 3:34 AM,

I am writing a response to this letter and would like your input

Will you please confirm that his letter is genuine and accurately reports the facts.

If it is genuine do you have any comments that you would be willing to make public that might repair the severe damage this letter caused to the credibility not only of the Weiss-Feinstein families but to Rav Dovid Feinstein, shlita himself?

I received the following response:

From: Ronnie Greenwald
Date: Tue, Nov 12, 2013 at 8:57 PM
Subject: Re: Retraction letter
To: Daniel Eidensohn

Rabbi Eidensohn,

Below are my comments:

I am sending you a letter which I sent to R Zlotowitz of Artscroll and R Aron Kotler in Lakewood. You and your readers should know that both of them have unceasingly dedicated themselves to assisting me to resolve the situation so that a get could be given. They were always available to help. I ask you Rabbi Eidensohn to only publish my letter to them if you feel that it de-escalates the hostility to these revered families and their friends.

It is also critical to note that my respect and reverence for the gadol, Rav Dovid Feinstein Shlita, has not been diminished one iota. I regret that my letter about my efforts as mediator may have allowed the impression that my role was sanctioned by both families thus leading to confusion.

=============

Dear Meir and Aron,

You, Meir, and you, Aron, know that I consider you both among my closest and smartest friends, who have achieved amazing things in your lifetimes. When the two of you agreed that I would be a good mediator, shaliach, askan, arbitrator or whatever word you want to use, I accepted that awesome responsibility because after meeting both families I believed that a resolution was achievable. The last thing that I wanted to happen was that any comments I made would lead to newspaper articles, blogs, batei din and machlokes, and bigger machlokes.

My role was to make peace. The last thing I wanted was to increase hostility and animosity among two of the most highly revered families in klall Yisroel and in klall Yisroel, as well. I have therefore decided that from now on I will not take phone calls on this subject, even from my dear friends Meir and Aron since it has caused me terrible pain. I love you guys and respect you guys but you must give me some peace for a little while. I am sharing this note with the Weiss and Dodelson family and my family as well.

Sorry but we must all move on.

Best,

Ronnie

PS If you do post this, please include my preliminary remarks.

=================[to be continued] 

Deb Tambor: Reason for alienation from kids - her mental instability or influence of Chassidim?

NY Times    Ms. Tambor, 33, had forsaken the Hasidic Jewish world in which she was raised and married, a decision that undermined her relationship with her children. Her Skver Hasidic sect in Rockland County, N.Y., was concerned that Ms. Tambor’s freer lifestyle might be a subversive influence on the children, and whether it swayed the children to keep their distance and limited her opportunities to visit has become an emotionally charged question in wider Jewish circles. 

Articles in The Forward, The Jewish Week and the online magazine Tablet and on blogs run by Hasidic defectors, like Failed Messiah, have detailed the agonizing challenges facing those who leave the insular world of Hasidim, where dress is austere, the language is Yiddish and religious obligations structure each day. 

Former Hasidim seeking child custody arrangements find that rabbis, community leaders and Orthodox Jewish family therapists line up with money and witnesses behind the Hasidic spouse. Such influence is especially powerful in a place like Rockland, a county near New York City where one-third of the residents are Jewish.  [...]

Even before she divorced and had to work out custody arrangements to see her children, she had a troubled history that included depression and, according to friends, sexual abuse by a relative. But Ms. Tambor’s friends and supporters say her alienation from her children weighed most heavily, and for that they blame her family and the rest of the Hasidic community she left behind.[...]

Yeedle Melber, a cousin of Mr. Dirnfeld, said close family members had told him that Ms. Tambor began to have mental problems several years ago after she was struck by a car. There followed an attempt to take her own life during the marriage and hospitalization for five months at Rockland Psychiatric Center.  [...]

Family Court records are sealed. But an official in the state courts familiar with the Tambor case, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said decisions in the children’s custody were based entirely on Ms. Tambor’s mercurial behavior and the previous suicide attempt. 

“There was a unanimous feeling that the mother was in no shape to get custody or even unsupervised visits,” the official said. “The fact that she tragically took her own life is the clearest indication that what the experts said about her psychiatric problems was right.”[...]

Schlesinger Twins: New revelations from her husband's father

Jewish Telegraph     Only when Beth separated from her husband after three years did she decide to make contact with the father-in-law she had never met and from whom his son had been estranged for 30 years.

From him she heard a chilling, all-too-familiar tale.

She introduced him to the grandchildren he never knew he had and he spent happy hours with them until his furious son was granted a court order forbidding any further contact.

Beth said: “He wept when we met. He said that a miracle had come true beyond his wildest dreams.

“This father was a simple man with simple wishes. He did not desire riches or pursue unrealistic aspirations.

“He did not fight for custody nor did he wrangle for assets.

“His only wish was to attain the inalienable right of every parent to see his children and play a role in their lives.

“He was denied that as the court battle dragged on for 10 years.

“He lost everything, including, at times, his will to live.

“Without emotional or financial support and with nowhere to turn, this father was left a broken man.”

He never remarried nor enjoyed the pleasure of parenthood.

Beth told me: “It was almost word for word identical to my own experience.

“Suspicious psychological reports, dubious professional statements, irregular court decisions and questionable tactics which caused immeasurable psychological damage.”

She added: “My father-in-law said that as far as he’s concerned, his son is dead.” [...]

Weiss-Dodelson: Role of Mechon L'Horaah Beis Din

Guest post by Joseph

I think it is important to discuss the role that the Mechon L'Horaah Beis Din played in the Weiss/Dodleson Get saga. Gital Dodelson's entire complaint against Avrohom Meir Weiss hinges entirely on the siruv that Machon L'Hora'ah issued. Without that siruv, Dodelson has no case against Weiss. Therefore, I believe, it is vital to take a deep look at this issue regarding this beis din and its siruv.

Now, who is this Mechon L'Horaah Beis Din? Who formed this beis din, which community do they represent and who are their dayanim and what are their affiliations? Specifically in Gittin cases does Mechon L'Horaah have a reputation of being pro-Get/pro-women? Are they know for being exclusively for emes, upholding halacha rigorously without bending it towards modern/Western sensibilities and for not giving preference to a favored crowd or toenim or pay-for-play?

With the siruv in hand, Dodelson is running around calling Weiss a mesarev. Nevertheless, they still cannot call him a me'agen since no beis din even purports to have ordered Weiss to give a Get. If Weiss is a mesarev they claim that they can pressure for a Get. But this claim is baseless since no beis din called him a me'agen. And being a mesarev is not sufficient to pressure someone to give a Get according to any shitta.

But the most important question here is on what basis did Mechon L'Horaah even issue this siruv. As we all know, and as paskened by Rav Moshe and held as binding halacha by virtually all quarters, no one today is subject to the jurisdiction of any standing Beis Din. Anyone summoned to any particular Beis Din can demand the case be heard in Zabla rather than the Beis Din selected by the plaintiff. (Halacha also says that the beis din trial is to be held in the defendant's town, not the plaintiff's town.) And the original Beis Din must accept a demand for Zabla. Even Mechon L'Horaah accepts as binding halacha the right for any party to insist on Zabla.

When Dodelson summoned Weiss to the Mechon L'Horaah's beis din, Weiss responded demanding Zabla - as is his halachic right. Nevertheless, Mechon L'Horaah blatantly ignored his request to change the proceedings to Zabla and Mechon L'Horaah continued pretending that it had jurisdiction over the case. It did so even though Weiss never accepted its jurisdiction over the case and, thus, halachicly Mechon L'Horaah has no jurisdiction over this case.

So how, pray tell, does Mechon L'Horaah justify its action here? And once we recognize that Mechon L'Horaah had no jurisdiction over this case and thus had no right or basis to issue a siruv against Weiss, Dodelson's entire case collapses from a halachic perspective. Weiss is under no Beis Din order to give a Get (no one even claims any Beis Din ordered Weiss give a Get [which also means no pressure is permissible to be applied against Weiss according to any shitta]). And once we established Mechon L'Horaah had no jurisdiction, it is established that its siruv was invalid and Weiss is not even a mesarev and there is nothing left to any purported case against him from a halachic perspective.

Addendum: Another interesting aspect on this topic is that the Mechon L'Horaah siruv is over the fact that Weiss used arkaos. Now, there is a dispute between Weiss and Dodelson whether the Heter Arkaos that Weiss received was valid. Weiss says that since his wife unilaterally ran away from their marriage without halachicly just cause, and even worse grabbed their child and took him with her without Avrohom Meir's consent that she take the child away from their marital home, he was in an emergency situation over the loss of his child and thus was justified in receiving his Heter Arkaos. Dodelson disputes his right to arkaos. But that dispute is really all beside the point at this time and mostly irrelevant. The reason for that is that the siruv was issued against Weiss for using arkaos. But the arkaos case is completely done with. It is inactive and no longer in court. The case is closed. So there is no more arkaos for Weiss to withdraw from. Therefore Mechon L'Horaah's siruv, according to anyone, no longer has any standing as the issue is now moot. But all this is even assuming the siruv was ever valid in the first place, which as explained above is not the case.

Allan Katz: Why do women initiate divorce more than men?

Guest post by  Allan Katz  This blog post is in 2 parts .

1. Why do women initiate divorce more than men?

2. CPS- collaborative problem solving between spouses

 In the USA and UK 66% of divorces are initiated by women, (in 1975 it was 72%).In Israel  70% of divorces were filed by women, 3 times as much as men.

Marriage therapist and author Laura Doyle says that one of the reasons for these figures is that 'women are initiating divorces when the problems are not insurmountable. One might think that's because men do things to make marriage untenable -- like cheat, hit or abuse them -- but I hear about women divorcing because he didn't help with the baby, he was emotionally unavailable, or because they grew apart. Countless women tell me they divorced because their husbands weren't capable of meeting their needs. When the women I work with learn intimacy skills, it changes the way they see a previous marriage. Some women tell me that they realize they were married to a good guy, but divorced because they lacked the skills to have a happy relationship. Sometimes it causes them enormous grief.'

An Israeli Dayan , judge in a rabbinical Court = Beis Din said that in his personal experience it was the women who were initiating divorces and some often in a hasty and impulsive way and sometimes for the most trivial reasons like my husband leaves the home without saying good bye.

Laura Doyle's and the Dayan's observations about women being the ones who are initiating divorces hint that this could be part of the explanation why the Torah gave men more say about divorce than women.

The Dayan also said that ' Cohanim ' , men of priestly descent tended to get angry quickly and then sue for divorce. This explains why Cohanim are restricted to whom they can marry. They can't remarry their wives or divorcees. This is intended to slow them down and think of other solutions than divorce. Divorce is only one of the solutions for solving marriage problems.

Men are happier in their marriages and maybe it is because they have fewer expectations than women. Men also get a lot of their intellectual and social needs met outside the home -at work and when they participate in communal prayer and study. It is reported that they are happier with their intimate lives than women. Divorce for men means a new financial burden, taking on responsibilities and tasks previously done by women and not being with his children. They often are willing to sleep in another room or have a trial separation in the hope that his wife will reconsider.

Teresa Atkin, a relationship coach says that women need to learn communication skills needed in a marriage.

'All too often, women think that talking to our husbands is the way to make them see how their behavior affects us. If the behavior doesn't change when we first bring it up, we want to talk more, longer, or louder because we think maybe they didn't get it the first time. One of the biggest pet peeves for men is that feeling of being nagged or badgered, especially if they don't know what the problem really is. Also, the rules of polite, kind, nice conversation that women try to follow often come off as indirect, manipulative and mysterious to men. Women often conclude that their husbands don't care because they haven't changed after a particular conversation. '

Women also tend to give instructions to men as they would to their maids or other help. This really has the opposite effect. Instead of giving instructions women should explain what they need and want, thus giving men the space to respond in an autonomous way.

Why do Laura Doyle and Tersa Atkin focus on women alone and why doesn't Laura Doyle advocate joint therapy sessions?

Because women are initiating divorce and want change, they are the ones who should and can bring about the change. Instead of waiting for husbands to change and be responsible for their wives' happiness, women should learn intimacy and communication skills and become responsible for their own happiness. This will bring about a change in men. Women have the power to make changes in their homes as the verse in Proverbs 14:1 says –' The wisdom of women builds her home.'

Shomer Emunim Rebbe - arrested in NY for concealing sexual assault conviction

NY Post    An ultra-Orthodox rabbi from Israel is being held in New York without bail for allegedly hiding his monstrous sex crime record in order to get a US visa and come to New York.

Yakov Yitzchak Roth — a “rebbe” in the Hasidic group Shomrei Emunim — was arrested Tuesday in Borough Park by cops with the NYPD Special Victim’s Squad.

He had flown here from Tel Aviv in late August after swearing in a visa application that he had never been arrested or convicted, according to the federal complaint against him.

In reality, just six months earlier he had finished serving a 16-year sentence on his 1997 conviction in the District Court of Tel Aviv for raping, sodomizing and sexually assaulting a child relative, the complaint said. [...]

Weiss-Dodelson: A divorced mother's shame from reading Gital's interviews

I recently received this letter,

==================

I do not know Gital or the case and am a simple divorced Jewish mother -  married off 11 children.  All I know is that I am extremely saddened to hear someone - who was educated to kedusha and tahara and to idea of Kol kevoda bas melech penima and the genuine Bais Yaakov derech - speak the way she does, She is responsible for the chinuch she will be giving her precious son. Why is she going so far? I know she was joking when she told her mother what she did - but that surely is not the way her chasuva family taught her. Its not kedai. Can this be conveyed to her. She must return to the way of a true Bais Yaakiv girl.

My inner feeling  - and I could of course be wrong - is that the father is sincerely worried about the way Gital will raise their son. Poor little thing. He should be raised to Torah and yiras Shomayim and she should spend time every day davening for this. That should be her first priority.

Also here in Eretz Yisrael frum women study to be lawyers at KIryat Ono. But Rutgers is a far cry from that. As a relative of the Kotler family her main concern in life should be helping the child grow up as a true Ben Torah.

Chilul Hashem is not an easy aveira to say the least. She should get out of the mud immediately and seek a tikune of how to reverse itl. She might think I'm naive or who knows what. But convey this message to her,. Devorim she'balevm nichnasim el halev.

Actually I'm not as poshut as I make myself out to be, if that makes taking my remarks into consideration.  We have a relative through marriage with strong connections in Lakewood. Also, one of the gedolai ha'dor in the not too distant past, is a great grandfather of my gradchidlren. Many of my sons are big talmidei chachomim. I myself work as a writer and translator of divrei Torah. If that makes any difference to heeding what I have conveyed -aderabbah.

Weiss-Dodelson: An open letter to Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky

 Rabbi Wallerstein recently electrified the Aguda convention with his talk about correcting what is wrong with our educational system. He noted that even while the yeshivos and Beis Yaakov's are being successful in the intellectual side of teaching the classic texts and haskofa - they are not inspiring our youth in the beauty of Torah. While that is definitely true - there is a much greater problem. The Torah community has been bombarded with an unceasing chain of horrible scandals which are seriously damaging the emuna peshuto which the yeshivas and Beis Yaakov's have in fact inculcated.

The fraud and financial issues are terrible, but even worse are the cases of child abuse. However those cases - even though they are horrible - can be blamed on the individual's yetzer harah. In contrast the other scandals such as the Epstein-Wohlmark cattle prod gittin - reflect an apparent serious corruption of the halachic process. The most devastating scandals for Klall Yisoel are the one that destroy emunas chachomim. These are the scandals that convey the message that the exacting rules of halacha are for the masses but don't apply to our rabbonim.

Foremost amongst these scandals is the Weiss-Dodelson divorce. The whole world - not only the frum community - is riveted by the battle between the Kotler's and the Feinstein's. Gital Dodelson's tawdry revelations in the trashy N.Y Post of her fight to obtain a get - have embarrassed and degraded all of us. She not only smears her husband - a normal thing in divorce - but she is creating an incredible chilul hashem with her message - Yiddishkeit is disgusting and barbaric. All of this she proudly does under the guidance of a public relations consultant who announced in her Newsweek article - that she is using the Internet and public media to change out of date halachos!

Perhaps her low point was what this kollel wife from one of one of the greatest rabbinic families who married into another great family said in an interview published on the Internet. She said that she had half-seriously told her mother than the next guy she is interested in she should live with him 5 years without marriage to see if they are compatible. She said of course she was only joking. Do you think she would tell that joke to your yeshiva bachurim? Obviously not - but she said it to the whole world. This message has been spread in the press all over the world and millions of people have read her words - with many who hate Torah - rejoicing.

As the rosh yeshiva knows they have fortunately returned to negotiations. However it has been brought to my attention that the negotiations are shlepping. It is obvious that they need some pressure to finally end this madness. The consensus is that the rosh yeshiva's intervention is critical for the success of the negotiations.

I respectfully request that the rosh yeshiva personally intervene and bring the negotiations to a close so that Gital can have her Get - and the Torah world can repair the horrific damage that this fight has caused.

Response to Rabbi Wallerstein's Agudah convention speech

Jewish Press By: Bezalel Perlman  [Rabbi Wallerstein's speech Video]

Read more at: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/does-it-bother-you-when-your-kid-comes-home-feeling-like-junk/2013/11/20/0/?print

 

The talk of the town is how direct Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein was when talking at the Agudah convention about the effect our educational system is having on our children. For a long time now, I’ve been having an issue with trying to recognize where the Torah/Truth is in the way we live as frum Yidden. 

If an outsider first learned the Torah and then did a study on how observant Jews live their lives, he/she would have many questions. There are numerous things that we do that not only don’t fit with Torah values but they are anti Torah values. We have systems set in place that make most of us live beyond our means. We are fiercely protecting an educational system that goes against everything we actually believe in. We put a huge amount of unneeded pressure on ourselves that literally dictates how we live our lives. 

What is sad is that we all know it, we all think about it and it bothers us all. What is sadder is that it is a BIG deal when a Rabbi gets up and actually expresses what we are all thinking. What a strange thing, a phenomenon, that there exists a society that puts so much value on being truthful and emesdik, but at the same time has this vested interest in not only not expressing or talking about an entire educational system that is flawed at its roots, but even protecting it and making our own children suffer through it. It becomes this huge deal when Rabbi Wallerstein actually says something about it. We have to question our sanity and values around this. 

What are we protecting? What are we so scared of? Who are we nervous about not impressing?

 Let me ask you a question. You don’t need to raise your hand, but raise your hand if you really deep down knew what Rabbi Wallerstein was talking about. Raise your hand if these issues have been bothering you all along. Raise your hand if you are worried about your own children’s love for Torah and Yiddishkeit. Raise your hand if you think that our educational system is not giving you any fuzzy comfortable feeling that they will help your children stay on the derech. Raise your hand if you feel like you make your children do things that are absolutely ridiculous in the name of being part of our educational system. Raise your hand if this is not the system you would come up with if you were asked to develop a system from scratch. Raise your hand if you feel bad sending your children off to school. Raise your hand if you hate seeing how much homework your kids come home with and how many tests they have. [...]

Lev Tahor allegedly fled Canada fearing loss of children to welfare authorites

Times of Israel  [Update  BHOL they were stopped and arrested]
 
 Long dogged by accusations of severe child abuse and neglect, the 40 families of insular hassidic group Lev Tahor fled their homes Tuesday in Ste. Agathe, Quebec, fearing imminent removal of the children by Canadian welfare authorities.

According to Oded Twik, an Israeli whose sister and eight children have lived with Lev Tahor for the last eight years, the Israeli Foreign Ministry and police worked through the night Tuesday to get information about the safety of the children. 

About 200 people traveled in three hired buses to Ontario, where they rented a small number of hotel rooms. “The Canadian police have confirmed that the group planned to go to Iran,” said Twik.

Lev Tahor is led by charismatic convicted kidnapper Shlomo Helbrans. The group, mainly native Israelis and their Canadian-born children, lived in the resort town of Ste. Agathe-du-Mont, Quebec. Only five members have legal status in Canada and the children do not hold passports. [...]

Oded Twik has urged the Canadian authorities to remove all 137 children from the community. Dozens of family members and supporters attended a demonstration outside the Canadian Embassy in Tel Aviv on October 14. Many family members have not communicated with their relatives for eight years.

Adina Bar Shalom and the Aguda Poverty Video

Cross-Currents    by Rav Yitzchok Adlerstein

[...] Twenty-five years ago, a philanthropist handed Rav Ovadiah a blank check to create a modality for haredi women to receive the secular education they needed to earn enough to take their families out of poverty. Her father said, “Not yet,” which she says means that there were not yet enough people to teach the classes in a manner that would not conflict with the Torah concepts with which the young women had been nurtured. Bar-Shalom kept asking about the idea, and thirteen years ago got the green light from her father to create such an institution. At the time, she could identify only about 60 haredim in the entire country who held degrees. 

Today, there are about one thousand students in the Haredi College in Yerushalayim. About two-thirds of them are women, many married with children. (Day care is available on campus.) The men have their own, separate program. Both have access to a variety of specialties, all of them geared to finding jobs in areas that are more lucrative than what is available within haredi society. Programs in more purely academic areas are not unthinkable, said Bar Shalom, as long as they will win the approval of the rabbonim who guide the college. But these are things of the future. At the moment, the thrust of the college is empowering people to become fully employable, and help bring haredim into the general work force, and hopefully easing the friction between the haredi and secular worlds. [...]

Committed as she is to providing real options for haredim to enter the workforce, I was curious to hear about her reaction to the video shown motza’ei Shabbos at the Agudah Convention. Produced by Hamodia, the video showed the effects of poverty in the haredi community upon its children. It is emotionally charged, and appeals for funding to help alleviate the crushing poverty that is taking a toll on the health of young, innocent victims.

The video sparked controversy and backlash in some circles. Some argued that applying band-aids to the situation is ultimately cruel, because it allows the system to limp along, without confronting the real cause of the poverty. People ought not to give in to maudlin sentiment, but to apply pressure severe enough that the community will make the necessary changes.[...]

I asked Adina Bar Shalom what she thought about those calling for tough love. If Americans cover the shortfall caused by the recent draconian cuts in support for families, won’t this impede or slow the very process of change she has worked so hard for? She shook her head. “It won’t. There is no greater happiness than being able to support one’s family. There is a process to make this happen. But we must support families during this process.”

New Reports: 60% of sexual assault victims are minors

YNet   New reports reveal horrendous image of sexual abuse, domestic violence in Israel. Some 200,000 domestically abused women live in terror; only fifth of sexual assaults lead to police report

More than 60% of those who turn to sexual assault assistance centers are minors; some 200,000 women suffer domestic abuse to which some 600,000 children are witnesses, new reports published Wednesday claim.

The two reports, the first penned by the Association of Rape Crisis Centers as part of UN Universal Children's Day, and the second aWIZO report, published in anticipation of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women revealed unnerving data regarding sexual assaults and domestic violence in Israel.

According to both of the reports, only a fifth of those who request assistance from sexual assault centers file a police report. More disturbingly, a solid majority of those complaints fail to crystallize as a police investigation, and those that do are usually shut for lack of evidence.

Regarding sexual harassment, out of 216 cases led by State prosecutors last year, no less than 135 were closed. [...]