Tiger Moms: Is Tough Parenting Really the Answer?

Time Magazine

t was the "Little White Donkey" incident that pushed many readers over the edge. That's the name of the piano tune that Amy Chua, Yale law professor and self-described "tiger mother," forced her 7-year-old daughter Lulu to practice for hours on end — "right through dinner into the night," with no breaks for water or even the bathroom, until at last Lulu learned to play the piece.

For other readers, it was Chua calling her older daughter Sophia "garbage" after the girl behaved disrespectfully — the same thing Chua had been called as a child by her strict Chinese father. (See a TIME Q&A with Amy Chua.)

And, oh, yes, for some readers it was the card that young Lulu made for her mother's birthday. "I don't want this," Chua announced, adding that she expected to receive a drawing that Lulu had "put some thought and effort into." Throwing the card back at her daughter, she told her, "I deserve better than this. So I reject this."

Child & Domestic Abuse book to be sold at Eichler's Flatbush

In a few days Eichler's of Flatbush will be the first seforim store to be selling my book. It will still be available from Amazon.

phone number 718 258 763 or 888 342 4537 to check for availablity

address is Coney Island Avenue between Avenue J and Avenue K.

Why a U.N. Resolution on Israel Leaves Obama Facing a Dilemma

Time

It was always going to be a struggle for the U.S. to dissuade its Arab allies from going ahead with a U.N. Security Council resolution condemning Israeli settlements. But last week's people-power rebellion in Tunisia has only made Washington's effort to lobby against the plan more difficult. Tunisia will have given the autocratic leaders of countries such as Egypt and Jordan more reason to fear their own people. For those regimes, symbolically challenging unconditional U.S. support for Israel is a low-cost gesture that will play well on the restive street.

Going ahead with the resolution, discussed Wednesday at the Security Council, demanding an immediate halt to all Israeli settlement construction in the West Bank and East Jerusalem is, of course, a vote of no-confidence in U.S. peacemaking efforts. And it creates an immediate headache for the Obama Administration, over whether to invoke the U.S. veto — as Washington has traditionally done on Council resolutions critical of Israel. The twist this time: the substance of the current resolution largely echoes the Administration's own stated positions

Child abuse book: Interview with Dr. Asher Lipner - psychologist

The following are comments that are part of a recent interview of Dr. Asher Lipner - a prominent psychotherapist dealing with sexual abuse . The rest of the interview was published in the public media. Dr. Lipner sent them to me with permission to publish them here.

What do are your thoughts on R. Daniel Eidensohn's book on child abuse? 

 For full disclosure, let me say I played a role in the book's publication both by writing a chapter and by editing parts of the book.  It is an incredible labor of love put together by a man who truly cares about the Jewish people.  It examines the issues of domestic violence and child abuse from so many angles with sophistication, depth and compassion.  It is Torah scholarship at its best, as Rabbi Eidensohn is able to bring complex Torah ideas down to simple utilizable tools to be used to protect women and children. 

 What are some of his conclusions?

That there is a mitzvah to confront abuse in order to protect others, and that each one of us has this obligation.  That sex crimes need to be reported to the police without any halachic concern about the misconstrued concept of Mesira that does not apply.  That more open discussion must take place in the community with less concern about "immodest speech" in discussing the problem, and more concern with the grossly immodest behavior the problem represents.  That obsessive concern about stigma and shidduchim has wreaked havoc on the emotional, physical and spiritual well-being of generations of our children and needs to stop.  And perhaps most importantly, that where there is a communal will there is a way stop this problem and protect our children.

 How do you differ on issues with him?

 We do not differ significantly in what we believe the community needs to do.  We differ only in our roles.  Reb Daniel is blessed with a close personal relationship with some of the biggest rabbis in Israel, and he works tirelessly to create a dialogue between them and mental health professionals and lawyers to address the issue.  He does this by acting with the highest level of sensitivity to the cultural, societal and even political realities that working together with the Charedi leadership requires.

 I am just a simple Jew who works “in the trenches” day to day with survivors of abuse and their families, helping them repair their broken lives. My methodology of advocating for them is often not as sensitive to the communal norms and regular “business as usual”.  Sometimes I need to help the survivors scream out their pain in any way they can, even if it offends the community’s sensitivity.  Being that there is an alarmingly high suicide rate among survivors of sexual trauma, in some cases this "do whatever it takes to get people to listen" approach has been necessary in order to literally save lives.

Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks: Organ donor cards are not incompatible with Jewish law

British Guardian

You reported that I have issued an edict that "organ donation and the carrying of donor cards are incompatible with Jewish law" (Doctors criticise chief rabbi's edict against donor cards, 12 January). That is not so.

Wherever we can save life, we should. That is a longstanding and fundamental proposition of Judaism, and it means that we favour organ donations. Our clarification of the Jewish law on this subject should not "reduce the number of donations" or "put lives at risk".

At the heart of Judaism is the principle of the sanctity of life, which flows directly from the proposition in the first chapter of the Bible that we are all in the image and likeness of God. The secular counterpart is Kant's principle that we should treat others as ends in themselves, not as means to an end. This generates moral consequences, including the duty to honour life and the duty to save life. Usually these two principles coincide, but sometimes they conflict.[...]

Appeals court: Yisroel Weingarten improperly convicted of one count of incest - but upheld remaining abuse charges

NYPost

A perverted Hasidic rabbi who sexually abused his daughter throughout her adolescence could get 10 years knocked off his sentence under terms of an appeals court decision this morning.

Israel Weingarten was improperly convicted on one count involving incest that occurred during a trip from Belgium to Israel, the U.S. Second Circuit Court of Appeals in Manhattan ruled.

The unanimous decree says that citizens can't be found guilty in America for crimes committed overseas unless there's a "territorial nexus to the United States."

The three-judge panel upheld other convictions covering abuse that took place during travel from Brooklyn to Belgium, and from Israel to Brooklyn.[...]

The smoking gun: Vatican Warned Irish Bishops Not to Report Abuse

NYTimes

 A 1997 letter from the Vatican warned Ireland's Catholic bishops not to report all suspected child-abuse cases to police — a disclosure that victims' groups described as "the smoking gun" needed to show that the church enforced a worldwide culture of covering up crimes by pedophile priests.

The newly revealed letter, obtained by Irish broadcasters RTE and provided to The Associated Press, documents the Vatican's rejection of a 1996 Irish church initiative to begin helping police identify pedophile priests following Ireland's first wave of publicly disclosed lawsuits.

The letter undermines persistent Vatican claims, particularly when seeking to defend itself in U.S. lawsuits, that Rome never instructed local bishops to withhold evidence or suspicion of crimes from police. It instead emphasizes the church's right to handle all child-abuse allegations and determine punishments in house rather than give that power to civil authorities. [...]

Study: 61% of men don't see forced sex with acquaintance as rape

Haaretz

Over half of Israeli men - 61 percent - do not consider forcing sex on an acquaintance as rape, a study conducted by Tel-Hai Academic College recently found. Moreover, 41 percent of Israeli women share that view

The study was conducted last fall by Dr. Avigail Moor, a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating victims of sexual violence.

Moor asked her respondents two main questions: The first was whether they believed forced sex with an acquaintance constitutes rape; the second was whether they felt forced sex with a stranger constitutes rape. Respondents were asked to provide a simple yes or no answer. [...]

R' Pinchos Lifschutz: The Blogs are a destructive force

It’s Time to Take a Stand

Tarring The Frum Community With One Brush

A similar campaign to disparage frum Yidden in the religious Jewish media has been underway for some time. Cloaked deceptively in a religious veneer, using Yiddish names and faces, the relentless disparaging of the Torah community by anonymous bloggers, and certain publications, is diluting the power of Torah and halacha among religious Jewry in our society.

Many of the individuals who habitually undermine our community’s values using purported “news reporting” are emboldened by the built-in anonymity of the internet. They prey on the public’s weakest tendencies. These people, if identified, would draw scorn for their outrageous character assaults and gossip-mongering. They would be pitied for how far they have drifted.

Yet, these people, by virtue of their access to the public through a so-called “religious” blog, have the ability to promote their agenda.[...]

Video game addiction: Researchers identify risk factors

Los Angeles Times

Most kids don't become addicted to playing video games, though it may seem that way to parents. But a new study identifies risk factors for "pathological," or obsessive, gamers and says that such children become more depressed and anxious the more they play.

The study released Monday in the journal Pediatrics looked at more than 3,000 elementary- and middle-school children in Singapore over a two-year period. The report says in part:

"Greater amounts of gaming, lower social competence, and greater impulsivity seemed to act as risk factors for becoming pathological gamers, whereas depression, anxiety, social phobias, and lower school performance seemed to act as outcomes of pathological gaming." [...]

Secular kiruv: You’re Young and Jewish: Discuss

NYTimes

ON a cold Saturday morning in May 2007, Nicola Behrman, a playwright from Los Angeles, stood in a bare conference room at a ski lodge in Park City, Utah. She was surrounded by 60 strangers, tucked shoulder-to-shoulder in a circle — all members of a group called Reboot, which since 2002 has conducted an annual conference for young, affluent Jews to discuss their ethnic and religious identity, in between spa treatments and walks among the ponderosa pines of the Wasatch Mountains.

Each attendee had been asked to pose a question related to being a Jew. Ms. Behrman, who grew up Orthodox in London but hadn't been to a synagogue in years, recounted a story about her beloved grandmother's appointment book, which on May 31, 1965, contained the words, "susan, dentist," a reminder to take her daughter in for a checkup. Why didn't Jews write down life lessons for those left behind after they died? Ms. Behrman was wondering. She picked up a white card from a table nearby, scribbled "susan, dentist ..." in green ink and posted it on a corkboard at the back of the room. The act felt cathartic. [...]

Rubashkin and Pidyon Shuyim - Some Clarity

Five Towns Jewish Times - Rabbi Yair Hoffman

In shul this past week, the recent debate in the pages of the Five Towns Jewish Times between Rabbi Aryeh Zev Ginzberg and Ze’ev Gold became the subject of discussion.  Ze’ev Gold posed the question as to whether the Rubashkin case was really Pidyon Shvuyim or not.  Rabbi Ginzberg had received a ruling from Rav Chaim Kaniefsky Shlita that, indeed, it was full and complete Pidyon Shvuyim.

If so, asked Mr. Gold, why didn’t Rabbi Ginsburg’s shul empty out their Shul building fund?  Rabbi Ginzberg was slightly evasive in his response but did refer Mr. Gold to the ruling of the Aruch haShulchan.  Mr. Gold quoted Rabbonim who ruled that it is not real full-fledged Pidyon Shvuyim.  Rabbi Ginzberg repeated unequivocally that it was complete Pidyon Shvuyim.

What is going on here? [...]

Sarah Palin and the State of Halachic Discourse

Cross Currents R Yitzchok Adlerstein

The Orthodox community has more at stake in the so-called “brain death” controversy than in the etiology of Jared Lee Loughner’s delusions. Rabbi Dov Fischer discussed some of the issues in an earlier piece on Cross-Currents, including the impropriety of an online petition in favor of the “brain death” criteria. Rabbi Fischer correctly bemoaned the fact that a group of rabbis would be setting fires of public criticism of the Torah community, rather than putting them out. (By way of contrast, a friend of mine was asked by a leader of a state legislature about Orthodox attitudes towards organ donation, having read some disturbing material in the popular press. My friend, who has good background in both the halachic and medical aspects of the issue, sat down with the legislator, and explained the traditional point of view, after which the politician “got it,” without rancor or resentment.) I would go further than Rabbi Fischer. Calling a position that is embraced by rov minyan v’rov binyan of serious halachists “morally untenable” is nothing less than morally untenable! [...]

Conversion: Yated metes out cautious criticism at Yosef, Amar

JPost

Haredi-Lithuanian mouthpiece Yated Ne'eman on Sunday expressed “shock, as well as pained and utter protest over the desecration of approving thousands of military 'conversions,'” in its inevitable reaction to the Friday decision of President of the Shas Council of Torah Sages Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who declared the disputed past IDF conversions kosher. Following Yosef's ruling, Chief Sephardi Rabbi Shlomo Amar on the same day issued the necessary document to authorize some 4,500 such conversions, which were lacking his signature. [...]