‘Melania’ promises to take us behind the scenes. There’s nothing to see.

 ‘Melania’ promises to take us behind the scenes. There’s nothing to see.

There is a controversial new Amazon documentary about Melania Trump released this weekend and every single review I’ve read has been terrible, but babe, if you suspect I have come here today to trash a movie about the wife of a notoriously thin-skinned, anti-journalist president, which was bankrolled by the company owned by the man who also pays my salary — NOT TODAY, SATAN. Do you think I’m a moron? (Don’t answer that). This house is clean.

What I ended up wondering throughout this documentary, while I kept waiting in vain for director Brett Ratner to peel back another layer on Melania, is if we were dealing with a situation that was not an onion but a potato. Yes, there’s a thin protective skin. But after you breach that, no matter how many times you go after it with a peeler, you’re dealing with pretty much the same pulp.

Her worldview seems based on optics more than reality: that what things look like is as important as what things are like. She carries on about redecorating the White House tennis pavilion not because she is dim but because, in her view, her highest calling is not to give the American public something they can identify with but rather something they can aspire to.

What is she thinking? It doesn’t really matter, honestly. The fact that she is disciplined enough to hide her true personality from the public is, in fact, her personality.