Igros Moshe (Y.D. II #130): Concerning a giyores whose non-Jewish mother is sick. Should she go to her mother with her children as her mother requests? Concerning the matter of a giyores who has been following the appropriate Jewish practices and has kept a distance from her father and mother from the time that she has converted 20 years ago even though they live in the same city. But now her mother has fallen ill and requests that she come with her children to see her because she has a great longing to see her grandchildren. Even though the giyores knows that according to the Torah there is relationship anymore with her parents, nevertheless she wants to know if it is appropriate because she has a very strong natural love to her parents and she wants to fulfill her mother's request at this time of sickness. Her rabbi wants to permit it because of the concern that she might revert to her old ways as we see that there is such a concern regarding inheritance that a decree was made that a convert inherits his non-Jewish father because of this fear (Kiddushin 17).Answer: I agree that the halacha is as her rabbi wrote that it can be permitted but because of logic. Because it is not clear that this fear for other things can be compared to loss of money because the desire for them is not so strong. However the more appropriate reason is that they might say that the laws of Torah are not correct if she is told not to go and this is a very significant point by itself even without the concern that she might revert. We see this from the fact that the halacha is that we visit sick non-Jews for the sake of peace as well as sustain the poor non-Jews and bury their dead for the sake of peace (Gittin 61).... So it is obvious that she and her children would be going against the ways of peace of they don't visit her mother. So besides that factor the Rambam (Mamrim 5;11) states that it is prohibited for a ger to curse his non-Jewish father or hit him and not to shame him so that people won't say that the ger went from a higher religion to a lower one so he should at least not shame his father (Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 241)... So if she doesn't go to visit her sick mother with her children it will cause the mother suffering and maybe it will drive her crazy. Thus we see it is an insult to the mother if she doesn't go and it is such pain that it is like hitting and cursing her. So therefore going to her mother is not only permitted but is obligatory to comply with the wishes of her mother to come and bring her children....
Interesting that the emotional reasons for going, in themselves, are irrelevant.
ReplyDeleteAs is true for many mitzvos. Which ones weigh the emotional reasons against other factors?
Delete"However the more appropriate reason is that they might say that the laws of Torah are not correct if she is told not to go and this is a very significant point by itself even without the concern that she might revert. "
DeleteOh, so we can be lenient if people think our halacha is not correct?
Excellent question. Obviously, the laws of the Torah are eternal (as per Rambam's ninth principle of faith) and cannot change to meet perceived social needs. Rather, what Rabbi Feinstein means to argue is that the fact that the "goyishé kopp" of the former biological parents [who have now lost their halakhic parental status due to their child's conversion] will not grasp why the child refuses to visit them creates a legitimate "darkhei shalom" situation and so the Gemara, Gittin 61a regarding the mitzvah for a Jew to visit Noahide sick patients becomes activated. In the following portion of the responsum [telescoped over in the English translation here] Rabbi Feinstein proves that Gittin 61a requires visiting sick Noahide patients even in the absence of any Jewish patients being simultaneously visited.
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