Killing with self-righteous criticism - Tznius & piety

I just received this disturbing letter. Before reading it please read the following gemorah.

Bava Metzia(59a): Better it is for man to cohabit with a doubtful married woman rather than that he should publicly shame his neighbour. Whence do we know this? — From what Raba expounded, viz., What is meant by the verse, But in mine adversity they rejoiced and gathered themselves together... they did tear me, and ceased not?David exclaimed before the Holy One, blessed be He, ‘Sovereign of the Universe! Thou knowest full well that had they torn my flesh, my blood would not have poured forth to the earth. Moreover, when they are engaged in studying "Leprosies" and "Tents" they jeer at me, saying, "David! what is the death penalty of him who seduces a married woman?" I reply to them, "He is executed by strangulation, yet has he a portion in the world to come. But he who publicly puts his neighbour to shame has no portion in the world to come."’

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To whom it may concern-

First of all, let me begin by saying that my husband always reads your blog. He enjoys what you have to say, and we are happy that someone out there is speaking about the degradation that is going on in our Jewish society.

A incident happened that was so shocking and so heartbreaking this past week, that it must be posted somewhere. Incidents keep happening against women on the issue of tznius throughout the world, and it needs to stop.

Mrs. X , called me in shock on Friday after 5 o'clock. She is a mother of four, a busy student, and she had to go pick up some items for Shabbos . She is waiting to check out at this busy grocery store when a frum man, wearing the traditional white shirt, black pants and jacket, pull his cart up behind her. In a soft but slicing tone, he begins to blast her on her appearance in front of oh, 50+ people that include every type of yid, non-religious customers, as well as non- Jewish cashiers. He goes on and on in front of all these people saying such things "Don't you know the negative impact your untznius dress has on your children?" "Don't you feel embarrassed that you dress like this in public?"

The humiliation went on and on, and she just stood there, frozen. She couldn't say anything. This was a complete stranger wearing the yeshivish dress who was humiliating her in front of so many people because she had a lower neckline and she was wearing short sleeves. What is wrong with this man's hashgafa? Doesn't he know that embarrassing someone is like killing another person?

To make matters worst, the second these 50+ spectators heard these hurtful things he was saying to her, not one person came immediately to defend her. Everyone just stood there and watched. I feel he should of just dumped bleach on her clothes. That would have been less embarrassing for her. There was even a women there who was covering her hair yet wearing pants, and even she didn't say anything or do anything to come to her defense! This man was committing every type of sinas chinam, and no one said anything.

Finally, after only a few minutes that felt like hours, a women who was wearing the ideal dress that this man was saying she should conform to, came up to her and told her "Don't say anything to him. You don't have to defend yourself". She then turned to this man, and firmly and somewhat harshly, put him in is place. She said to him "You are wearing the same type of dress that my husband wears, and this is what you are doing to a fellow Jew? You don't know her. You don't know what background she comes from. You don't know who her Rav is. This is what you do, embarrass and humiliate a women in front of many to push your agenda? This is how you are going to get people to become more tznius, by embarrassing them publicly? Who do YOU think YOU are?!?" She kept going off on him as my friend hurriedly checked out. She could still hear the woman firmly telling him off for his horrific behavior as she pushed her cart through the automatic doors.

She still cannot believe that this happened to her. She is thankful that her daughters who attend Bais Yakkov were not with her. I am sure this man sends his daughter there too.

As you are well aware, its seems that Judaism is falling down around us. It is only due to people like that woman in the store who are keeping true Torah alive.

Tznius has its laws, but it is each defined and internalized by each woman who chooses for herself to observe the modesty laws. In fact, a close friend of mine chose to stop wearing her shaitel because she said she feels naked in it. I, on the other hand, need to have hair, so I just re-cut my inexpensive wig for Pesach to better suit me.

We each internalize our level of modesty differently. However, this man and many more people with the misconstrued and misinterpreted message of Jewish values will (G-d forbid) kill any women desires to want observes tznius. What if my friend had just become frum, and this is what this man had said? If I was had just become frum, and this happened to me, my first thought would be to tear of my tichel and give up! However, when she told me about what this true Eishes Chayil did for her, I realized that Judaism is not lost entirely.

I am still in shock that the Jewish people right now are quickly finishing their preparations for Pesach, a time where Jews around the world remember what occurred centuries ago. Our ancestors fought against Egyptian oppression to wear Jewish proper dress, and the Jewish nation merit for redemption was due partly because they kept their religious code of dress. However, thousands of years later, a man preparing for in a few nights to discuss with his children what atrocities women faced at the hand of the Egyptians had the audacity to say something like this to another human being.

I just hope that this story leaves a message for people that while that man thought he was doing the right thing and addressing my friend's "inappropriate attire", what he did what 1,000, 000 times worse.

Thank you for your time.

Conversion limbo - Rabbinate vs. Interior Ministry

JPost

Fifteen years ago in Turin, Italy, Rachel - aka Emanuela - began the spiritual odyssey that eventually led to her passionate embrace of Orthodox Judaism.

Today, at 35, Rachel is two months pregnant, married to a kashrut supervisor and living in the Jerusalem area.

But her personal journey, which has taken a somewhat unpleasant turn, is still not over.

Although Rome's Orthodox Rabbinical Court declared Rachel Jewish on July 11, 2006; although the Chief Rabbinate of Israel recognized Rachel's conversion; and although Rachel was joined in wedlock to her devout husband by the Chief Rabbinate of Israel six months ago, the Interior Ministry refuses to recognize Rachel as a Jew.

Thanks to a High Court injunction, she is allowed to remain in Israel with her husband until the court rules on her case. Until that happens, however, her citizenship status is in limbo.

She has no rights to any state services such as national insurance or health care, and if she leaves the country - to visit her family in Italy, for instance - she will not be allowed to return.

"My situation is worse than non-Jews who marry an Israeli," Rachel said on Thursday in a telephone interview. "At least they have rights."

Rachel is being helped by ITIM, a nonprofit organization that helps the perplexed navigate Israel's religion-related bureaucracies. [...]

Suicide and sexual abuse

Gittin (57b): It was taught: There was an incident in which 400 boys and girls were captured for prostitution. They realized what their captives wanted and they asked, “If we drown ourselves in the sea will we get the World to Come?” The most important of them interpreted Tehilim (68:23): The L‑rd said, I will bring again from Bashan, I will bring again from the depths of the sea.” This means that G‑d will bring again all those who drown in the sea. When the girls heard this they all jumped into the sea. The boys drew the follow conclusions from this. They reasoned that if the girls committed suicide to avoid being forced into a normal sexual intercourse then in the case of boys shouldn’t they commit suicide to avoid unnatural sexual intercourse? They then also jumped into the sea. Concerning them Tehilim (44:23) says: For Your sake we are killed all day long, we are considered as sheep being slaughter.

Tosofos(Gittin 57b): All of them committed suicide by jumping into the sea – In contrast it says in Avoda Zara (18a): ‘Let Him who gave me my soul take it away, but no one should injure oneself.’ [Thus one should not commit suicide even to avoid sexual abuse!] The answer is that in our case concerning the 400 children they were afraid that they were going to be tortured as it says in Kesubos (33b): If they had beaten Chananiya, Mishael and Azariah they would have worship the idol. Thus they would have tortured the children but not killed them.

Priority-1: Pesach enhancer

tenways_pesach_seder

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Brooklyn D.A.'s new crackdown on Jewish abuse

NY Daily News

The Brooklyn district attorney's office is planning a new crackdown on sexual abuse in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, where victims have hid their shame for decades.

Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes will announce Project Kol Tzedek - Hebrew for "Voice of Justice" - on Wednesday.

The first-ever team of prosecutors, counselors, religious leaders and Jewish social agencies will work to encourage young victims to name their attackers.

Sexual abuse in the city's Hasidic enclaves has gone largely unreported. Victims say they fear the shame of the attack and condemnation for revealing secrets to secular authorities.

But the culture has begun to change, officials said.

"Over the last several months, there has been a lot of articles in the newspaper," said Sex Crimes Bureau Chief Rhonnie Jaus.

"It has helped people in the community come forward, and we are starting to see more cases."

Since October, the Daily News has reported on five cases of men in Hasidic neighborhoods charged with sexually abusing children, ranging in age from 7 to 15.

The DA's office now has 19 cases involving accused molesters from Borough Park, Williamsburg, Crown Heights and Flatbush, officials said.

"This is the highest amount that I have ever seen," Jaus said.

Under Project Kol Tzedek, prosecutors will visit yeshivas and synagogues, and the DA will open a hotline and host meetings with victims interested in coming forward.[...]

Mazel Tov to Rav Nosson Liss!

Sexual misdeeds of great people

There seems to be a common belief that sexual sins only occur in lustful, unrefined people with little self-control. In fact our Sages tells us that the greater the person the greater is his yezter harah (Sukka 52a). Thus it is really the saintly refined person with great self control - who is in greater danger. The following in an example from the Talmud that led to a suicide attempt and eventual death from penitential fasts.

Kiddushin(81b): Whenever R’ Chiya bar Ashi said the tachanun prayer he would say, “The Merciful save us from the yetzer harah (evil inclination).” One day his wife overheard him. She said to herself, “It has been many years that we have not been intimate, so why does he have a need to pray for this – [he obviously doesn’t have a strong sex drive]?” One day he was studying in his garden and she dressed up and repeatedly walked past him. He asked who she was. She replied that she was Harusa (a well known prostitute) who had just returned. He desired her. She told him to first bring the pomegranate to her from the top of the tree. He jumped up and brought it to her. He came into his house his wife was firing the oven. He climbed in it [to kill himself – Rashi]. His wife asked him what was the meaning of this? He told her what had happened. She replied that she was the woman involved. However he paid no attention to her until she gave proof with the pomegranate. He said, “Nevertheless my intention was to sin.” That righteous man [R. Hiyya b. Ashi] fasted all his life, until he died thereof.

Reb. Sternbuch A.H. - Tribute by her daughter

hesped rivka(2)

Birchas HaChama - NY Times 1897

The battle of tzadikim against the yetzer harah

Baal Shem Tov(Parshas Noach): When the guest sees that the father gets pleasure from this activity and the guest wants the father to have more pleasure – he challenges the son further. He asks more questions which are even stronger and involve new issues. The son responds to the challenge and answers all the questions. This is what is meant that whoever is greater than his fellow he has a greater yetzer. Our Sages (Bava Basra 16a) say that Satan works for the sake of Heaven. The parable is obvious that when the tzadik controls the yetzer harah, G‑d receives pleasure from it. The yetzer harah responds by offering increasingly greater challenges - to which the tzadik responds by defeating it. This is the meaning of Megila (18a) that G‑d called Yaakov “ail” (a divinity). The term “ail” is a language of strength and might (Yevamos 21a). … This is also why a tzadik is called a gibor (hero) in that he conquers his yetzer (Avos 4:1). And in the future the tzadikim will see that their yetzer harah is like a mountain (Sukka 52a). At that point the power of the tzadikim will be obvious to all since they have conquered this great mountain. It is also possible that in the future that everyone will call tzadikim “ail".

Guma Aguiar gives Chabad $500,000 for Pesach

Lubavitch.com reports:

[...] Funding for the seders comes from several philanthropists including Mr. George Rohr, a long time supporter of Chabad activities, and a gift of $500,000 from energy magnate, Guma Aguiar. This is the second consecutive year that Aguiar, 31, has been a major sponsor of Chabad’s global Passover campaign.

Aguiar became excited about this project last year and contributed towards what is now the world’s largest collective Pesach seder in the world. As a result, he said, "Chabad leaders and I have realized what a truly sacred honor it is to partner together with each other on this project." [...]

Slanderous testimony regarding IDF proven false

JPost

Following claims made by graduates of the Rabin Pre-military Academy at a conference last month that IDF soldiers deliberately shot and killed Gaza civilians during Operation Cast Lead, the Military Police completed its official investigation into the accounts on Monday and concluded that they were categorically false and based on rumors.

On Wednesday, the Jerusalem Post, citing an IDF source, had reported that the allegations were proven to be untrue in official army investigations.

The probe also concluded that the stories of the soldiers who participated in the conference were purposely exaggerated and made extreme, in order to make a point to the participants at the conference.

The IDF Advocate-General Brig.-Gen. Avihai Mandelblit decided to close the case in the wake of the findings.

In particular, the results of the investigation referred to a testimony from a soldier named Aviv, who claimed to have been given orders to fire at an elderly Palestinian woman. According to the Military Police probe, the soldier witnessed no such thing, and was only repeating a rumor he had heard. In an unrelated investigation, it was found that in a similar incident, a woman suspected of being a suicide bomber approached some IDF troops, who opened fired at her after repeatedly trying to stop her from advancing.

This same soldier admitted that he had not witnessed additional incidents he had described during the conference.

A claim made by a different soldier, Ram, who had supposedly been ordered to open fire at a woman and two children, was also proved by the investigation to be an incident that he had not witnessed. After checking the claim, it was found that a force had opened fire in a different direction, toward two suspicious men who were unrelated to the civilians in question.[...]

Women & funerals: Halacha & minhag?

Bartley Kulp: Can the moderator of this blog elaborate on this? I am not aware of the halachot of women doing a hesped.

The following rather disrespectful article assumes that the only issue of concern is what a child thinks is appropriate. There are a few other elements involved. 1) the deceased - what is really best for him -spiritually and in the way he is remembered. How is honor and respect shown him/her 2) Family. - what is respectful and sensitive to the feelings of the mourners. These two elements are referred to in halacha has the honor of the living and honor of the dead. So first you need to establish which takes precedent.

3) the community. If the community has a particular way of doing something - whether it is halacha, kabbla or minhag - is it respectful to the niftar to insult them and consequently degrade the respect of the niftar?

The details themselves are complex and vary between communities and even within communities. On a social level - if a person wants the community and especially the Rav to participate - she can not dictate how the ceremony is done. In Yerushalayim the children don't go to funerals. Furthermore the issue of woman in cemeteries is taken very seriously in kabbala. Even the Gra said that he only went to a cemetery once in his life - for his mother - and he was seriously damaged.

Rav Moshe Feinstein says that the main consideration is what brings respect in the eyes of the community to the niftar. Thus he says that even if the mourner does not feel sad - he should act sad. The mourner does not in fact have an obligation to feel sad.

In sum, the mourner is free to do what he/she wants on her own. Without forcing the community and the Rav to witness something they view as an insult to the niftar. She should be aware of what her father would have wanted - and not just what she wants for her personal catharsis. This article assumes that the only thing of importance is what a particular child wants to do to feel better.

It has been noted that it is prohibited to get pleasure from the deceased when it is not for the benefit of the deceased - even feeling good about giving a hesped is in this category.

YNET

Rabbi: Satan dances as women attend funerals

Head of Migdal Haemek's religious council stops woman from lamenting her deceased father. 'He acted like a dictator. Do we live in Iran?' woman's cousin asks

Batya (pseudonym) will not forget the day her father was buried at the Migdal Haemek cemetery. Not only was she forced to deal with a great loss, she was also humiliated at the graveyard when she was prevented from lamenting her father over this grave.

The father was laid to rest at the northern city's municipal cemetery. In addition to family members and acquaintances, the funeral was also attended by rabbis, the mayor and chairman of the city's religious council, Rabbi Yaakov Amar.[...]

Before the funeral procession began, Batya asked to deliver an oration in her father's memory.

"I wrote my father things that sting one's flesh. There are things you don’t say during your life, but you want them heard when bidding farewell," she says.

She went on the stage and said she would like to lament her father, but Rabbi Amar suddenly asked her to get off the podium.

"I was surprised. I looked at him and said, 'What do you mean? I want to say a few words to my father.' But he insisted," she says. "The mayor and other people tried to talk to him, and he replied, 'You are a woman, you mustn't say a word.'

"I tried to grab the microphone back, but he blocked me with his body. I felt I had to fight to say goodbye to my father. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me."

Other family members tried to convince the rabbi, but to no avail. "He acted like a dictator, arguing that she was desecrating the dead and that according to the Halacha (Jewish law) a woman is not allowed to deliver orations," Batya's cousin says.

"Where is that written? What, do we live in Iran? This is a stain on this city's reputation," he says.[...]

Eternal Jewish Family - Fishing for souls

Billings Farnsworth writes

Halachic Conversion

Marriage and family are two beautiful and sacred things in the Jewish community. Through marriage comes children, and through children comes the preservation of their belief and way of life. Those who choose to get married do so with the hope that they will be able to have an eternal Jewish family.

However, many of these marriages are intermarriages where one spouse is of the faith while the other isn’t. The two of them agree to work together and teach the same beliefs, but unless the non-Jewish spouse is converted using the standards of halacha, the conversion is often considered invalid.

The conversion doesn’t have to stay invalid, however. There are organizations out there that teach the halachic method of conversion and help these couples bypass this hurdle. By converting to Judaism using the halachic method, the non-Jewish spouse will be considered a valid, orthodox member of the faith and community. When it comes time to teach the children religious beliefs both parents will be assets because they will know they have the belief system and passion necessary for the training of children.

There are many people who convert to Judaism using the non-halachic method. However, by following the guidelines of the Torah and halacha those people interested in converting show their absolute belief in Judaism, and their willingness to follow proper Jewish customs and religious rules.

These converts are sometimes considered ideological converts due to their desire to be identified with the Jewish community from a completely religious standpoint. If you are unsure of the proper halachic standard of conversion, consider finding an organization that will help you achieve the religious belief you are searching for.

Eternal Jewish Family, or EJF, is a website with information on Jewish family issues. Billings Farnsworth is a freelance writer.