Weberman abuse trial starts in Brooklyn

NYTimes   The abuse began when the girl was 12 years old, prosecutors in State Supreme Court in Brooklyn said on Monday. She was sent to a prominent man in her ultra-Orthodox Jewish community for counseling, and prosecutors said the man sexually molested her over the next three years.

But lawyers defending the man, Nechemya Weberman, 54, of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, told a far different story during the opening arguments of his trial. The girl, a defense lawyer told the jury, had hatched the sordid tale of abuse as an act of revenge against Mr. Weberman and against a religious community she found stifling and rulebound. 

As proceedings began during the trial of Mr. Weberman, who is accused of 88 counts of sexual abuse of a minor, it became clear that the community itself, as well as Mr. Weberman, would undergo scrutiny during what is expected to be an emotional week of sexually explicit and culturally intricate testimony.

Both the prosecution and the defense informed the jury that the Satmar Hasidic community, to which Mr. Weberman and the girl belonged, was so rigid that questions from a young girl about something as simple as the proper length of a skirt could lead to mandatory counseling, and even expulsion from school. The accuser in this case, both sides said, was just that kind of girl: a free spirit whose questioning and challenges to authority landed her in trouble. [...]

רבי חיים במכתב: להוציא קובץ של הרב גרוס מהבית

Update 12/31/12:  Rav Simcha Bunim Lazerson kuntres resolves all issues

kikarhashabat   מרן שר התורה הגאון רבי חיים קניבסקי יוצא הבוקר במכתב חריף נגד קובץ תשובות הלכתי של גאב"ד 'חניכי הישיבות' הרב מרדכי גרוס, וקורא להוציאו מהבית בשל דברים שנדפסו בו של חילול שבת. בתגובה, הורה הרב גרוס לאנשיו לבטל את המנוי ל'יתד נאמן' (חרדים

ויכוח הלכתי סוער או קרע פוליטי חריף? נראה שבציבור הליטאי, בצורה זו או אחרת הכל בסופו של דבר קשור זה בזה.

בעיתון 'יתד נאמן' מופיע הבוקר (רביעי) מכתב חריף ממרן שר התורה הגאון רבי חיים קניבסקי שליט"א נגד קובץ תשובות הלכתי של גאב"ד 'חניכי הישיבות' הרב מרדכי גרוס.

update November 27 2012
דברי הרב דרזי

The following is the article that is being criticized- downloading & printer options turned off

Electricity Watermeters & Air Conditioners

Rav Lazerson's kuntres explaining Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach's views

Rav Lazerson Digital Water Meters Shabbos

Rav Wolbe:Near death experiences and Judaism

This is an excerpt taken from Rav Shlomo Wolbe "Psychiatry and Religion" pages 83-84 Relevant to neurosurgeon's near death experience

‏ פסיכיאטרית ודת - הרב שלמת וולבח

בטיפול בגוססים

הפסיכיאטרית א. קיבלר·רוס ( E. Kubler-Ross ‏) הביאה על-ידי ספרי' להתעוררת לעזרו לפציינטים הנוטים למות. עוד זאת: ורב בני אדם מתים היום בבית החולים ולא בחיק משפחתם. עובדה זאת מעמידה אח האחים והאחיות של ביה"ח בפני הבעי', כיצד מטפלים בנוטה למות? הרי שאלה: כיצד מכינים אדם למות?

מהו האספקט החדש של השאלה? בני אדם ש"מתו" מוות קליני והוחזרו אל החיים, מספרים כולם על חוויות עילאיות דווקא בזמן שהיו "מתים". הם מספרים, שה"אני" שלהם חי' רוחף מעל גופה שלהם, מבלי להדגיש כל כאב, ההכרה מתרחבת מאד ומרגישה נעימות עצומה. כאשר הנסיון להחיותם מצליח וה"אני" מוחזר לתוך הגוף, אין זו הרגשה נעימה כלל, ורק בעל-כרחו חוא חוזר לחיים - ולכאבים המתחילים אז. פרופסור לנוירולוגי' שהיתה לו חוי' זו, כחב עלי' ספר 66 ‏, דוחו"ת רבים על חויות אלה נאספו ונותחו 67 ‏, אין ספק במהימנות הדוחו"ת והספורים בענין זה.

‏דברים אלה הביאו למבט חדש על הגוסס המוטל במיטה, כנראה בלי הכרה, פניו מעוותות מכאבים והתכווצויות, הנשימה - נשימת גוססים. והנה כל הדוחו"ת והסיפורים הנ"ל נותנים לכו להבין, כי דווקא כעת מגיע הגוסס הזה לחוויות העדינות ביותר בחייו, חרף הרושם העגום של גופו ההולך ומתבטל! זה מטיל חיוב על המטפלים בגוסס, להקדיש לו מקסימום של זהירות, וגם הוא נותן מקום לחולה עצמו להתכונן לקראת מןתו: הרי הוא הולך לקראת הרגעים שיהיו אולי הנעלים ביותר בחייו: לא התבטלות וכאב, אלא התעלות היא המיתה! 

‏הדברים תואמים את מה שהורונו חכמי ישראל. ישנו פרק בתהילים המתאר יממה בקוסמוס. פרק זה מתחיל: "ברכי נפשי אח ה'! ה' אלקי, גדלת מאד, הוד והדך לבשת!" 68 ‏וחז"ל אומרים 6P ‏כי דוד המלך חיבר פרק זה כאשר "הסתכל ביום המיתה". הבינו חז"ל, כי למבט גרנדיוזי כזה על בורא ובריאה יכול אדם להגיע רק "ביום המיתה". רק כשהוא עומד על סף יציאתו מן העולם מתגלה לאדם גדלותו האמיתיח של הקב"ה, ורק אז הוא מגיע למבט מקיף על הקוסמוס. ובתוך פרק זה עצמו נאמר גם דבר נפלא על המיתה: "תסתיר פניך - יבהלון, תוסף רוחם - יגועון ואל עפרם ישובון 69 ‏, חכמי ישראל פירשו אח זה, כי סמוך למיתתו מקבל האדם תוספת עצומה ברוחו, והוא רואה מה שלא הורשה לראות בחייו, ומתוך עצמת הראי' נפרדת נפשו מתוך גופו.

‏מסתמא לא כולם זוכים לכן. ההלכה קובעת: "וגוסס הרי הוא כחי לכל דבר" o ‏ד. הגסיסה היא המשך החיים. אדם קטנוני בשאר קטנוני עד הרגע האחרון שהוא בהכרה. אבל כשההכרה עוזבת אותו - מי יודע מה צפוי לו אז! נוראי יש לטפל בו בזהירות רבה, כפי שההלכה קובעת ‏(אסור לנגוע בו!).

Neurosurgeon's near-death revelation is a best-seller

NYTimes   For years Dr. Eben Alexander III had dismissed near-death revelations of God and heaven as explainable by the hard wiring of the human brain. He was, after all, a neurosurgeon with sophisticated medical training. 

But then in 2008 Dr. Alexander contracted bacterial meningitis. The deadly infection soaked his brain and sent him into a deep coma. 

During that week, as life slipped away, he now says, he was living intensely in his mind. He was reborn into a primitive mucky Jell-o-like substance and then guided by “a beautiful girl with high cheekbones and deep blue eyes” on the wings of a butterfly to an “immense void” that is both “pitch black” and “brimming with light” coming from an “orb” that interprets for an all-loving God.

Dr. Alexander, 58, was so changed by the experience that he felt compelled to write a book, “Proof of Heaven,” that recounts his experience. He knew full well that he was gambling his professional reputation by writing it, but his hope is that his expertise will be enough to persuade skeptics, particularly medical skeptics, as he used to be, to open their minds to an afterworld. 

See Rav Wolbe's discussion of near death experience

Chinese diplomat saved thousands during WWII

YNet   The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) has posthumously honored Dr. Feng Shan Ho, a Chinese diplomat who issued thousands of visas to Jewish refugees during World War II.

The ADL Jan Karski Courage to Care Award, established in 1987 to honor rescuers of Jews during the Holocaust era, was presented posthumously to Dr. Ho on November 15 at the League’s Annual Meeting in Chicago where more than 500 leaders gathered.

The award was accepted by his daughter, Manli Ho, who conducted research and documentation for 15 years on her father’s story.

“Ho was among the first of a small number of diplomatic rescuers who took extraordinary measures and personal risk to do the right thing,” said Abraham H. Foxman, ADL national director. “During one of the darkest times in world history, this man stood up against a powerful evil, jeopardizing his own career, without recognition or compensation.

Why have a defective child? - problem of genetic tests

Times of Israel   Expectant mothers have long faced the choice of learning their babies’ gender while they’re still in the womb.

But what if parents could get a list of all the genes and chromosomes of their unborn children, forecasting everything from possible autism and future genetic diseases to intelligence level and eye color?

The technology to do just that — prenatal whole genome sequencing, which can detect all 20,000 to 25,000 genes in the genome from fetal blood present in the mother’s bloodstream — is already in laboratories. While not yet available in clinical settings because of the cost, once the price falls below $1,000, it is likely to become common, according to a report by the Hastings Center, a nonpartisan bioethics research institute. [...]

“Our real concern will be massive increases in the number of abortions,” said Rabbi Moshe Tendler, a professor of bioethics at Yeshiva University. “You have a young couple, 22, 23, 24 years old, and they don’t plan to have more than two or three children. Why take a defective child? I call it the perfect baby syndrome. The perfect baby does not exist.” [...]

The difference between prenatal sequencing and current genetic testing is the amount of information and its usefulness. Current tests look for specific genetic disorders. Prenatal sequencing is a fishing expedition, looking at everything.

Iran sending more rockets to Gaza

Haaretz   Israeli spy satellites have spotted an Iranian ship being loaded with missiles that analysts say may be headed for Gaza, The Sunday Times reported.

According to the report, the cargo may include Fajr-5 rockets, like those that were fired by Hamas toward Israel and the stockpiles of which the Israel Defense Forces depleted during the recent round of fighting across the Gaza border, in addition to Shahab-3 ballistic missiles, which could be stationed in Sudan to pose a direct threat to Israel.  [....]

“Regardless of the cease-fire agreement, we will attack and destroy any shipment of arms to Gaza once we have spotted it,” an Israeli defense source told the Times.

On Saturday, Reuters reported that senior Hamas leader Mahmoud al-Zahar said Hamas would continue to arm itself with the help of Iran, though the truce signed in Cairo calls for a cessation of rocket fire at Israel, which Israel gave as its reason for launching its attacks in mid-November.

Hamas & Egypt have little victory to celebrate

Telegraph    Yet perhaps, behind the public face, and certainly as Hamas leaders sheltered from Israeli smart missiles in their bunkers, the reality of Hamas's victory was less clear cut. Once again, Israeli F16 fighter aircraft, naval vessels, tanks and Apache helicopters have rained destruction on Gaza, much of it carefully targeted, creating hundreds of craters and reducing homes and government buildings to rubble. 

In more than 1,500 strikes, the Israeli military says it successfully targeted 30 factional leaders, 19 Hamas command centres and countless ministries. The network of smuggling tunnels to Egypt, which not only delivered arms to the Hamas government but also brought substantial revenue through a cash levy on everything transported, has been badly damaged. 

That certainly is the view in Jerusalem. Dan Meridor, Israel's urbane intelligence minister, was particularly scathing about the claims of both Hamas and the more radical Islamic Jihad to have brought fear to the heart of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, with missiles which struck their suburbs. 

"What happened in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem?" he said. " Nothing. They said the Gates of Hell would open. Well if that is Hell, it isn't such a bad place." 

More significantly, perhaps, is the secondary strategic result Israel has achieved. For with Hamas's new-found respectability also comes a responsibility - if not for Hamas, then at least for Egypt. 

Since last year's revolution, and the loss of its ally Hosni Mubarak, Israel has feared for its vital diplomatic partnership with its huge neighbour. The rise to power of the Muslim Brotherhood and its new president, Mohammed Morsi, a man who refuses to mention Israel by name, is what really sends shudders through the minds of Israeli politicians, not Hamas's inaccurate, Iranian-made missiles. 

For now, Mr Morsi faces troubles of his own - his attempts to cut through the morass that is Egypt's new constitutional settlement ended in riots across the country on Friday. 

Perhaps that is why Israel has faced him with his new test now. The praise heaped on Mr Morsi for his brokering of the peace deal obscures the fact he has now taken on a task Mr Mubarak never attempted and Egypt has long sought to avoid - becoming a guarantor of Israel's security by preventing remilitarisation of Gaza. 

Israel's demand, in return for an easing of its long blockade on Gaza, is that Egypt stop further rocket smuggling into Gaza through the Sinai. 

Much now depends on the lifting of the blockade, particularly among a Gazan civilian population already growing restive at Hamas's authoritarian rule.

Technology facilitates joint custody after divorce

NYTimes   MOST divorced couples would probably prefer not to see each other. Ever again. But when you share custody of your children, you have to assume a certain amount of face-to-face time amid the endless back-and-forthing. [...]

Let’s just say that no matter how well ex-spouses and still-parents coordinate, there’s a good chance of teary phone calls, angry exchanges during drop-off, and all-out fights about who’s not saving enough for college, often played out smack in front of the children.

Unless, of course, it’s all done remotely. These days, the cool aloofness of technology is helping temper sticky emotional exchanges between former spouses. And for the most part, according to divorce lawyers and joint-custody bearers, handling the details via high tech is a serious upgrade. [...]

E-mail and texting alone have practically revolutionized postdivorce family relationships. “E-mail absolutely takes away the in-your-face aggravation and emotional side of joint custody,” said Lubov Stark, a divorce lawyer on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. “You just write, ‘I want to pick up Kimmy at 5, but I’m running late and will be there at 6.’ It’s the best thing ever.” [...]

Such arrangements are increasingly necessary. Unlike the “Kramer vs. Kramer” 1970s, when mothers won primary custody almost by default, today’s postdivorce “bi-nuclear family” setups are more egalitarian. Almost all states now offer some kind of joint custody. Joint legal custody, in which parents share or split decision-making, is almost the norm. And while laws vary widely by state, joint physical custody, where children divide their time between their father’s and mother’s homes, is increasingly common.

Israeli Arab arrested as alleged bus bomber

YNet   A man suspected of carrying out the bombing attack on a bus in central Tel Aviv Wednesday was apprehended by Israeli security forces within hours of the attack.The suspected terrorist was apprehended in a joint operation conducted by the Shin Bet, Israel Police and the IDF. Twenty-nine people were injured in the attack.

The Shin Bet said Thursday that the terrorist, an Israeli citizen who previously lived in the West Bank and was allowed to settle in Tayibe under the family reunification law, was recruited by a terror cell from the village of Beit Liqya, near Ramallah.

According to the Shin Bet, the suspect planted the bomb on the bus and then called the terror cell's commander in Beit Liqya, who then activated the device via mobile phone. More arrests are expected.

 During their interrogation the terror cell members, who are affiliated with Hamas and Islamic Jihad, admitted to preparing the explosive device and selecting Tel Aviv as the target. They purchased cell phones that were later used to detonate the device by remote control. A gag order has been issued over the suspects' identities.

Israel dominates the new Middle East

Washington Post   by Fareed Zakaria    In a thorough 2010 study, “The Arab-Israeli Military Balance,” Anthony Cordesman and Aram Nerguizian document how over the past decade Israel has outstripped its neighbors in every dimension of warfare. The authors attribute this to Israel’s “combination of national expenditures, massive external funding, national industrial capacity and effective strategy and force planning.” Israel’s military expenditures in 2009 were about $10 billion, which is three times Egypt’s military spending and larger than the combined defense expenditures of all its neighbors — Egypt, Syria, Jordan and Lebanon. (This advantage is helped by the fact that Israel receives $3 billion in military assistance from Washington.)

But money doesn’t begin to describe Israel’s real advantages, which are in the quality and effectiveness of its military, in terms of both weapons and people. Despite being dwarfed by the Arab population, Israel’s army plus its high-quality reservists vastly outnumber those of the Arab nations. Its weapons are far more sophisticated, often a generation ahead of those used by its adversaries. Israel’s technology advantage has profound implications on the modern battlefield. [...]

These are the realities of the Middle East today. Israel’s astonishing economic growth, its technological prowess, its military preparedness and its tight relationship with the United States have set it a league apart from its Arab adversaries. Peace between the Palestinians and Israelis will come only when Israel decides that it wants to make peace. Wise Israeli politicians, from Ariel Sharon to Ehud Olmert to Ehud Barak, have wanted to take risks to make that peace because they have worried about Israel’s future as a Jewish and democratic state. This is what is in danger, not Israel’s existence.

Terror attack: Tel Aviv bus blown up - 16 wounded

Times of Israel   A bus in central Tel Aviv was blown up in a terror attack at around noon on Wednesday — the first bombing attack in the city since April 2006. At least 16 people were injured in the bombing, three of them in serious condition.

Hamas claimed responsibility for the blast, according to reports from Gaza, and celebratory gunfire was heard in the Strip as the bombing was reported on the radio.

‘Safe rooms’ save lives in two direct rocket strikes

Times of Israel   If, as rumors had it, Israel and Hamas were close to a ceasefire deal on Tuesday evening, it was not apparent to the residents of Ashdod, Ashkelon and Rishon Lezion. All three towns were pounded by rocket fire from Gaza and all sustained direct hits — an unhappy first for Rishon, and a sadly familiar blight for Ashdod and Ashkelon. Beersheba, the rocket-battered capital of the Negev, for its part, sustained 30 rockets in two hours earlier in the day — including a direct hit on a home — with no serious injuries.

Stas Misezhnikov, Israel’s tourism minister, stood outside a devastated apartment building in Rishon, his home town, and spoke of “an absolute miracle that no one was killed here.” The owner and his wife were in the apartment on the sixth and top floor when it was hit — taking refuge, as the Home Front Command requires, in the “safe room” that is legally required in modern apartment buildings. The rocket smashed directly into the apartment, “exactly where they were sitting,” said Misezhnikov, “and yet they came out alive.”

Home owner Amir emerged a little later, indeed, to say, with remarkable stoicism, “we followed the instructions. We heard the huge explosion. We knew the house had been hit. We came out; really, everything was destroyed. I calmed my wife, and we walked downstairs.”

The rocket — said to be carrying 90 kilograms of explosives — penetrated through three floors of the building, causing immense damage, but no serious injuries, because all the residents were in their safe rooms.

Central Park Rape: Damage of false convictions

NYTimes    Exiled from New York, his hometown, Mr. McCray was last seen in public two decades ago as a skinny 16-year-old, practically drowning in a suit that he wore to the Manhattan courthouse where he was tried on charges that he was part of a mob that raped a jogger in Central Park and beat her nearly to death in April 1989. In the television news footage, he often held his mother’s hand as he walked past screaming demonstrators. 

With four other Harlem boys, all of whom refused plea bargains, he was convicted of attacking the jogger and sent to prison. More than a decade later, the convictions of all five were overturned. Another man — a serial rapist and killer who was unknown to any of the five — had convincingly implicated himself as the sole attacker of the jogger. DNA evidence backed his story.[....]

The film lays out the intricacies of the case, the sights and sounds of a brittle era; it will be full of revelations for those who never knew about the crime and how its life-bending effects were multiplied as the wrong people were prosecuted while the right man continued to maim, murder and rape on the Upper East Side.

Prominent London rabbi resigns in sex scandal

Times of Israel   A leading British rabbi accused of sexual misconduct stepped down from most of his public positions Monday night, following extensive attempts to oust him, The Times of Israel has learned.

Rabbi Chaim Halpern, who is considered one of London’s most senior Haredi leaders, has left Kedassia, the Union of Orthodox Hebrew Congregations, where he was a religious judge. He is still the head of his Golders Green synagogue, Beis Hamedrash Divrei Chaim, in the heart of Jewish London, but will no longer act as the rabbinic adviser to Beis Yaacov Primary School, the Hatzolah emergency medical service or Chana, an infertility charity.

Accusations that he had engaged in “inappropriate” contact with at least one woman surfaced during the high holidays, in October, when a local rabbi confronted him and tried to drive him from the neighborhood. Since then, sources say that about 30 women, most of whom had gone to Halpern for counseling, have also made allegations, and several have apparently given statements to a solicitor at Teacher Stern, a top London legal firm. The London Metropolitan Police are still assessing whether the claims warrant a criminal investigation.[...]
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See also the Jewish Chronicle

Iron Dome - how it works

Reuters - additional information

Babysitter gets 80 years for deadly day care fire

USA Today A Texas woman was sentenced to 80 years Tuesday for her felony murder conviction in the death of one of four children killed in a fire at her home day care in Houston.

Jessica Tata, 24, was convicted last week in connection with the death of 16-month-old Elias Castillo. Authorities say Elias was one of seven children whom Tata left unsupervised at her home while she went to a nearby Target store. Prosecutors say she left a pan of oil cooking atop a stovetop burner and that this ignited the February 2011 blaze. Three other children were seriously injured.

Along with the prison sentence, Tata was ordered to pay a $10,000 fine.

Sirens sound again in Jerusalem today

 Today the sirens in Jerusalem sounded at 2 p.m. - just after I got off the light train in front of city hall. There was no panic - much like a sudden rain storm - with everyone crowding into nearby store fronts. On the one hand the Palestinians are destroying their own existence in order to irritate the Jews but at the same time the Jews are over reacting. I head yesterday that there are Seminary Girls who are going back to America because they had to go to a bomb shelter on Shabbos. There are yeshiva guys who have left - because they don't want to be in a "war zone." I remember back a decade ago when we had the Gulf War and frumma Yidden were crowding Ben Gurion airport to get out from the rain of missiles. The gedolim said, "the chareidim have always claimed that they don't need to serve in the army because their learning is a greater shield against rockets. But now when things get dangerous our brothers and sisters are deserting us." There were roshei yeshiva who were so furious at this betrayal - that they said whoever leaves during war time should never come back

Arutz 7   A rocket exploded in an open area near an Arab village in Gush Etzion around 2:15 p.m. as sirens wailed in Jerusalem during another barrage of rockets and missiles unleashed by Hamas.

The missile exploded in an open area, and no one was injured.

At least one missile was aimed at Jerusalem last week and reportedly exploded in an open area next to an Arab village in Gush Etzion, located south of the capital.

Jesse Friedman- was he wrongly convicted of abuse?

CBS    [See also Jewish Week]     Capturing the Friedmans A Long Island man who pleaded guilty to abusing youngsters 25 years ago says he was wrongly convicted and is now hoping for exoneration by the Nassau County District Attorney Kathleen Rice.

Rice reopened the case in August 2010, but the man whose fate hangs in the balance, Jesse Friedman, explained exclusively to CBS 2′s Carolyn Gusoff on Wednesday why he knows he’s innocent.

“I’ve been waiting 25 years for an opportunity to prove my innocence,” Friedman said. [...]

Friedman served 13 years and is free now, but wants his name cleared. The Oscar-nominated documentary “Capturing the Friedmans” uncovered suggestive tactics used by police to elicit the flood of charges from children — tactics the court called flawed.

Now, Friedman’s legal team has set up a hotline, seeking new ledes in the old case. The hotline number is  516-660-4385 .

“The methods used for Jesse’s conviction and Jesse’s arrest was wrong and this is an opportunity to make it right,” private investigator Jay Salpeter said.

Friedman isn’t the only one now awaiting the DA’s decision. Some of the victims, now adults, stand by their claims that Jesse molested them.

Sal Marinello represented four of them.

“They were sexually abused during periods of time and they also indicated the son was involved,” Marinello said.

$123M settlement in Del. child abuse case

St Louis Post-Dispatch  A judge has approved a $123 million settlement in a class-action lawsuit filed on behalf of young children who were sexually abused by former Delaware pediatrician Earl Bradley.

New Castle County Superior Court Judge Joseph Slights III issued his ruling Monday after holding a hearing last week.

The settlement resolves claims against a southern Delaware hospital where Bradley had physician privileges, the Medical Society of Delaware, and five physicians accused by the plaintiffs of not reporting suspicions about Bradley to authorities.

Maharal: Wife easily hurt if not treated as equal

Maharal (Bava Metzia 59a): Rav said that a person should always be carefully not to oppress his wife because she is sensitive and readily cries so it is easy to make her feel oppressed. Thus we see that it is only his wife that he needs to be exceedingly careful not to hurt her feelings since she is ruled by him and therefore is much more likely to cry than other people who are not so easily oppressed. In other words because his wife is under his control she is more likely to be hurt by his words and cry when he wrongs her. In contrast a non‑Jewish slave is by nature not so affected by oppression and even a female Jewish slave does not readily cry because she has accepted the servitude to her master. Furthermore a female slave was not created for the purpose of being under his domain. It is only the wife who was created to be under the rule of her husband and as it says (Bereishis 3:16), And he shall rule over you. Therefore when she is oppressed it has a very strong impact on her. Furthermore in truth a wife does not accept being ruled by her husband because she views herself as his equal. In contrast a slave fully accepts that his master rules over him and therefore is not impacted as much as a wife who views herself as important and therefore is devastated when she is not treated with care.

Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l – the Early Years

5towns jewish times part 1   By Rabbi Yair Hoffman part 2    part 3

Every so often, individuals emerge in Jewish history who, by dint of their personality and intellect, are able to literally change the topography of Jewish life.

One such person was Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l – the founder of Beth Medrash

Interestingly enough, although the name of Rav Aharon Kotler is well known in Torah circles, very little biographical information of his earlier life in Europe is actually available. This is especially true for the English reading public. In honor of the fiftieth yartzeit of Rav Kotler, the Five Towns Jewish Times is presenting much new biographical material in this mini-biography in a three part series. The information was culled from a wide range of sources including new documents available now.

BIRTH

Rav Aharon was born in the town of Sislevich or Svisloch in Belarus on the 2^nd of Shvat in 5652 (Sunday January 31, 1892 although in the Julian calendar used in Russia at the time it would have been Sunday, January 19, 1892). There are actually two towns with the name Svisloch, one lies 154 miles west of Minsk, the other lies 66 miles east of Minsk.

Rav Aharon was the fourth child of the famed Pinnes family, having two older brothers who passed away at young ages, and an older sister Malkah. His father, Rav Shneur Zalman Pinnes, was one of two of the Rabbonim of this community, which was in the Grodno section of Czarist Russia, not far from Minsk. The other Rav was Rav Mordechai Shatz the son of Rabbi Meir Yonah who had published a copy of the Baal HaIttur.

FAMILY

His father’s family had spent time in the town of Ilya, also in Belarus It was a town that produced a prodigious amount of Torah scholars. Rav Yitzchok Pinnes, Rav Aharon’s paternal uncle, became the Av Beis Din in Minsk.< They were both the children of Rav Moshe Pinnes. Rav Moshe Pinnes’ ancestor was Rav Yitzchok Pinnes who was the Av Beis Din of Minsk from 1819 until 1836.

SISLOVICH

Svisloch was originally, a moderately sized small town in the late 1700’s and early 1800’s with a population of between 200 and 300 people during these times.  The Jews of the town made their money primarily through trade of timber, grains and some real estate.  The town had fairs as well.  In 1830, a Great Fire destroyed most of the businesses, and the Jewish community had great difficulty recovering financially, as the fairs were no longer held. In 1850 there were about 970 Jewish residents in Svisloch. After four decades of economic stagnation, the Jews of Svisloch decided to specialize in the tanning industry. They invited German craftsmen, experts in the field, to assist them in setting up a tannery. It was very successful. Soon Svisloch had eight large tanneries and a number of smaller shops. The Jewish population more than doubled, and the Jews constituted two thirds of the residents of this town.

Jews came from the surrounding towns to work in Svisloch as well.  Conditions in the tanneries were not ideal for the workers There were tanners, tailors, shoemakers, carpenters. Many of the Jewish workers were not paid well and the Bund movement soon developed in Svisloch.

Sometime in 1895, Rav Aharon’s mother passed away. Rav Aharon was just three years old. As a young child many in his town sought to involve him in the new paths that were emerging in the society around them, and these individuals were not such a good influence on the young man, who was soon developing a reputation as being a remarkable prodigy.

China's biggest problem? Too many men

CNN   Throughout history, a surplus of young men often heralded violence. The American frontier earned its "Wild West" reputation for lawlessness because its towns overflowed with men, yet marriageable women were vanishingly rare. In The Chivalrous Society, historian Georges Duby argued that European expansionism, from the Crusades to colonialism, was fueled by a surplus of ambitious and aggressive young men with otherwise poor reproductive prospects.

China is already feeling the effects of so many bare branches. The economist Lena Edlund estimates that every one percent increase in the sex ratio results in a six percent increase in the rates of violent and property crime. In addition, the parts of China with the most male-biased sex ratios are experiencing a variety of other maladies, all tied to the presence of too many young men. Gambling, alcohol and drug abuse, kidnapping and trafficking of women are rising steeply in China.

The bare branch problem will be compounded as income inequality rises. China's Gini coefficient of income inequality has risen from less than 0.3, 25 years ago, to almost 0.5 today. On the Gini scale, 0 represents perfect equality while a score of 1 represents complete inequality.

It would be difficult to overstate the urgent need for China to emulate South Korea in eliminating sex-biased abortion and neglect.

But just as urgently, China needs creative large-scale solutions to the problems that unprecedented cohorts of bare branches will cause as they come of age over the next two decades. Those millions of disaffected young men will not only present a danger to themselves, but those living alongside them. And, as Hudson and den Boer have been arguing for some time, the bare branches will also make perfect fodder for political agitation, fundamentalism and possibly terrorism.

Is man born in sin? Tehilim 51:7

Tehilim(51:7):. Behold, I was shaped in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.

Rashi (Tehilim 51:7): Behold I was formed in transgression – So how could I not sin. The basis of my being formed was my parents sexual intercouse and through intercourse it is possible to be involved in a number of trangression. And alternative explanation, my principle formation was from male and female – both of them are full of sins. However there are other interprative readings to this verse and they do not conform to the subect matter of the verse.

Vayikra Rabbah (14:5): Another understanding of Vayikra (12:2), If a woman conceives and bears a male child...  Dovid alluded to this understanding in Tehilim (51:7), Behold I was formed in sin and in sin my mother conceived me. Rav Acha explained, Even if a person is the most pious of the pious – it is impossible that he doesn’t have an aspect of sin in him. Dovid said to G‑d, “Master of the Universe, did my father Yishai have the intention to bring me into the world – when he had intercourse with my mother. The fact is that he was only thinking about his own sexual enjoyment.The proof for my assertion is that after they both had satisfied their desires he turned his face in one direction and she turned her face in the opposite direction. And it was only You who caused every single drop of semen to enter.” This assertion is alluded to by Dovid in (Tehilim 27:10), For though my father and my mother deserted me, G‑d did gather me in.

Ibn Ezra (Tehilim 51:7): Behold – because of the lust which are planted in the heart of man  it is equivalent to “being formed in sin.” The reason is that at the moment of birth, the evil inclination (yetzer harah) is planted in the heart...

Redak(Tehilim 51:7): Behold in sin I was formed. The Ibn Ezra says it is because of the lust which is planted in man’s heart that is is equivalent to “being formed in sin.” The reason is that at the moment of birth the evil inclination is planted in the heart. However others say that this an allusion to Eve who did not give birth until after she had sinned. 

Alshich (Tehilim 51:7): Behold in sin I was formed – From the time it decreed that I should be born by means of the sin of Lot’s daughter who had an incestual relation with her father which is disgusting and terrible sin – but that is how I was formed. As it says in Bereishis Rabbah (50:16), “I found Dovid My servant” where was he found? In Sedom.  And in sin my mother conceived me  - that is referring to Ruth who is referred to as mother as it says in Bava Basra (91b)... she was the mother of the Davidic monarchy.  From the time when she got the idea of lying at the feet of Boaz which was the sin of chilul Hashem as we see in Ruth Rabbah (6:1) that Boaz prayed that no one would know that she came to the threshing floor. And You G‑d did not consider it bad since You knew the motivation was good.... 

Australia: Royal Commission to investigate abuse

ABC Australia This is a very important development - not only a royal commission on abuse - but acknowledging that resistance to investigate abuse is not only the Catholic Church but also police themselves.

EMMA ALBERICI, PRESENTER: We're joined now by Detective Chief Inspector Peter Fox, the senior police officer who took a stand on the issue and called for a royal commission here on Lateline last week.

It was on this program that Inspector Fox first made the allegations that his investigations were hindered by interference from within the police force and within the Catholic Church.

Detective Fox has driven from Newcastle tonight to be with us again, and I thank you so much chief inspector Fox for coming in again.

PETER FOX, NSW POLICE: It's a pleasure, Emma.

EMMA ALBERICI: Now of course as we just mentioned, you were the one calling for this royal commission last week. You must be feeling quite vindicated.

PETER FOX: I don't think I was the only one. I just wanted to add my voice to the many thousands out there that were already calling out for it over the last decade and more. You know, when you've sat down with these people, I just don't feel that you can turn up and walk away and think, "Well, I've got so much knowledge about what's gone on," and walk off and have an easy conscience thinking, "I could have done more, but I didn't."

I've made the comment that the turning moment for me was a forum at Newcastle where Peter Fitzsimmons, the radio DJ from down here, made the comment, "Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." And I sort of felt that perhaps he was directly talking to me. And I thought, "Well I'm not prepared to sit back and keep my mouth zipped."

EMMA ALBERICI: Now it took obviously so much courage for you to come here and talk as candidly as you did last week. What's the reaction been from within your own police ranks?

PETER FOX: Mixed, I think as most people would expect. I have been inundated with fantastic calls from ex-police and current colleagues that are thrilled to bits with this happening. I've had calls from some police that I don't know, wanting to share their frustrations and stories with me.

Conversely there's also been the uglier side of it where - I don't want to go into it too deeply, but this is the end of my policing career. I realised that from the moment that I decided to speak out last week. As much as it's denied, the culture within the police force would never allow someone like me to move back into it. So, I've ...

New findings in how to survive stress

Time  Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) experts Dr. Steven Southwick and Dr. Dennis Charney investigate the power of resilience in their new book, Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges.

Recovering from a natural disaster takes physical and psychological strength, and as those attempting to rebuild their lives in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy are learning, it doesn’t hurt to have help. To better understand which tools help us to bounce back from trauma and cope with stress, Southwick, a psychiatry professor at Yale University, and Charney, a psychiatry professor at Mount Sinai Hospital, studied Navy SEALs, rape survivors, prisoners of war and others who overcame highly stressful situations with only minimal mental hardship. It turns out that these survivors share critical skills that can support anyone, even those who haven’t been professionally trained or naturally endowed with resilience, to better combat trauma. [...]

Another surprising factor involves being true to your own morals…
DC: It’s to embrace a personal moral compass,  develop a set of beliefs that very few things can shatter. That’s really important. It was very important to the POWs. They were being tortured, but their own set of beliefs about what was right [could] not be touched

SS:  I don’t think I was expecting that to be as powerful as it was. [But] one of the things often happens in highly stressful situations, particularly if someone else is injured or killed is that there’s a tremendous tendency to develop survivor guilt.

We’ve interviewed some medal-of-honor winners.  They are the bravest of the brave. There are only some 200 of them in the U.S.  No one could do more.  But the few we interviewed in depth, they have survivor guilt. They felt that they should have done more. [So] that’s going to happen no matter what you do and you don’t want to add to that if you violate some principle you think is important.

What role do religion and spiritual beliefs play in resilience?
DC: That comes under a moral compass. Some develop strong beliefs independent of religion and others find it very helpful. It’s not important for everybody but for some people, it’s very important. When we studied [those in poverty] in  DC, who were largely African American, religion was very important. Going to services was very useful for establishing social networks,  in addition to the core beliefs. It adds to the other elements.  Some of the POWs found religion to be very important,  but not every one of them.[...]

What can parents do to help their children become resilient?
SS: [As a parent] you are affecting and molding the way your child’s stress hormones and nervous system will respond in the future. It’s very plastic and you are, by the type of stress you’re exposing them to and the way you respond, [helping shape] the degree to which they will master it or not. This  affects how the stress response will work in adulthood.

The problem is either neglect or over-parenting. You want to be the helicopter swooping down and fixing it, but then the child doesn’t learn how to meet these challenges. You have to really know where is ‘out of the comfort zone’ and where they flip into an inability to [cope] and become overwhelmed. And people are so different and so unique. I love the term ‘Good-enough Mother’ from the [child psychiatrist] D.W. Winnicott. You just need to be good enough.

Arayos: Why prohibit marriage of relatives?

Ramban (Vayikra 18:6): Concerning all near of kin to him, he should not approach them to uncover their nakedness The reason for prohibition of sexual relations with certain relatives is not stated explicitly. The Rambam (Moreh Nevuchim 3:49) says it is to reduce sexual activity and to make it less attractive and that he should be satisfied with little. These types of women which are prohibited by the Torah are those that are more likely to be present and available to him. And this reason the Rambam applies to all of them. The Ibn Ezra writes something similar that since the lust of a man is like that of an animal therefore it is not reasonable to prohibit all women. What is prohibited were those women who are present all the time. However this is a very weak explanation to say that the Torah makes a person liable for kares simply because they are with him on occasion and at the same time permit a man to marry hundreds and thousands of women. Why should it be harmful if he just marries his daughter as is permitted to non-Jews (Sanhedrin 58 :) or two sisters like Yaakov did? In fact there is no more appropriate person to marry than his daughter to an older son and then they will keep the inheritance in the family and will have children in his house in order that the land not be waste and the lust will quieted. The fact is we don’t have a traditional explanation concerning this. However according to logic there must be a deep secret of creation regarding his soul and this is included in the secret of incarnation which has already been alluded to. You should know that sexual intercourse is something which is disgusting and despised in the Torah – except for the purpose of propagating the species. If the relation doesn’t lead to children it is prohibited. Similarly that which doesn’t preserve the species and isn’t successful is also prohibited by the Torah. This is the reason for the Torah views on intercourse with relatives... Thus later on in verse 17 it says that intercourse with relatives is wickedness. In other words it is not properly marriage because it won’t be successful but represents simply evil lustful thoughts. In fact sexual prohibitions are included as statutes which are things which the king decree. And the decrees are things which occur to the king who wise in the conduct of his kingdom and he knows what is needed. And that which is beneficial he commands and he doesn’t reveal to his people except for his wise men and advisors.

Rav S. R. Hirsch (Bereishis 2:24): This verse – according to our Sages – alludes to the halachos of arayos for Bnei Noach (Sanhedrin 57b). The verse says, “Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife...” This can be understood to mean that a man should distance himself from his father and mother – in other words when chosing his wife he should not seek a wife amongst his closest blood relatives. Perhaps if we examine this verse in the context of what preceded it – as suggested by its opening with “and therefore” - we can have at least a partial clarification of the reasons for the apparently inexplicable laws of arayos. The role of the wife is to be the helper (ezer) to the husband and as a result she must be compatible with him (kenegdo) and that means that she needs to complement him and therefore she must have different characteristics than her husband. In fact if they are too similar that would mean they would not only have the same virtues and but also the same faults. Thus if they got married it would only serve to reinforce the characteristics of both – whether for the good or bad. But marriage would not lead to perfection since they do not complement each other. Thus the possiblity of perfection through being complementary is only if they are not too similar and in fact have distinctly different characteristics. It is only due to having different characteristics that their joining together has the potential to produce perfection. Thus not marrying blood relatives increases the likelihood for finding a complementary mate. However this explanation of arayos only is relevant for the arayos of Bnei Noach which are based entirely on blood relatives. In contrast the arayos for a Jew are also based on kinship through marriage. Such arayos requires a higher level of explanation.

Kli Yakar (Vayikra 18:6): The reason for the prohibition of arayos according to the Rambam is in order to reduce the amount of sexual intercourse. Since these prohibited women are relatives of his and thus they are always with him. The Ramban refutes this view by noting that the Torah in fact allows a person to have thousands of wives. Therefore the Ramban concludes that the reason is a secret. Perhaps that is why the verse concludes “I am G‑d.” In other words G‑d says that He is the only one who knows the reason for this matter while to humans it is a statute.

3 accused of swindling millions from government

YNet   Police and Tax Authority officers raided the homes of three haredi men Monday, who according to suspicion swindled the State out of millions of shekels.

The three are suspected of defrauding the Education Ministry into funding their fictitious association, supposedly schooling several hundred girls. 

The fictitious association listed students who were actually attending another school, which never applied for financial support by the Education Ministry, as it does not recognize the State's authority.


An indictment in a similar case was filed with the Jerusalem District Court on Monday, against 10 suspects. The men are accused of laundering NIS 48 millions (roughly $12.2 millions) through fictitious haredi associations.

Is love an obligation: Rambam vs Yevamos (62b)

updated 11/11/12 In the discussion about the nature of marriage - the prime question is the role or necessity for love between husband and wife. It is important to note there is an apparent contradiction between the language of the Talmud and the language of the Rambam and subsequent authorities. The Rambam clearly states that the obligation to love  one's wife as oneself is rabbinic. However if he is basing himself on Yevamos (62b) - which the commentaries state is his source - there is no assertion of a rabbinic obligation. It simply says that if one does love one's wife as oneself and a bunch of other things  - there will be peace in his tent. At most it is a wise suggestion. An additional problem is that the Rambam in his commentary to the Mishna (Kiddushin 2:1) clearly states that the obligation is from the Torah command to love your fellow as yourself. That is the language of the gemora Kiddushin 41a. So is the Rambam basing his  obligation of love on a Torah command or rabbinic? Is he basing himself on Yevamos 62b or Kiddushin 41a? Are there two obligations of love as Rav Zilberberg suggests below? Finally it seems from the following sources that love is refering to caring or not hating or not doing negative things to another person . It is not referring to the emotion that we call love.

Yevamos (62b): Our  Rabbis taught: If a man loves his wife as himself and honors her more than himself and guides his sons and daughters on the straight path and has them married close to the age of puberty - the verse (Job 5:24) is applied to him, And you shall know that your tent is in peace.

Rambam(Hilchos Ishus 3:19): Similarly a man should not marry of a child nor should he marry a woman until he has seen her and she is acceptable in his eyes. That is because if he doesn’t see her first it might turn out that she doesn’t find favor in his eyes when he does see her.

 Kiddushin (41a): Rav said that it is prohibited for a man to marry a woman until he has seen her because when he does see her he might notice something which disgusts him and the Torah (Vayikra 19:18) has commanded, “You shall love your fellow as yourself.”

Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 15:19): Our Sages have commanded that a man should honor his wife more then himself and love her as himself.

Rambam(Commentary Kiddushin 2:1): It is correct that each man marry directly rather than through an agent, since we have a general rule that a man should not marry a woman until he has seen her. That is because we are concerned that she won’t find favor in his eyes and yet he will remain married to her in spite of not loving her. Such a thing is prohibited since there is a rule, “You should love your fellow as yourself.” Therefore it is important that the man marries directly rather than through an agent.

Aruch L'Ner(Kerisus 28a): This that the Beis Shmuel says that a man should honor his wife – we do not find that this means an obligation. In fact in Yevamos (62a) and in Sanhedrin (76b) it says that if a man honors his wife more than himself... the verse You shall know that there is peace in your tent is applied. This language implies that it is only a act of piety (midos chasidus) to not be insistent on one’s honor against her. Nevertheless according to the straight law she in fact is obligated to honor him more than he honors her

Eliyahu Rabbah (#16): One who fulfills the wishes of his wife and directs his children properly and marries his son before puberty before he comes to sin – about him it says “you shall know that there is peace in your tent (Job 5:24).

Pele Yoetz (Love between husband and wife): The love between a husband and wife must be a passionate one. We will begin with the love of the husband to his wife for the declaration of our Sages (Yevamot 62b) is known, "That the husband is obligated to love his wife as himself and to honor her more than himself."

Pele Yoetz (Love between husband and wife): The primary love is the love of the soul. It is incumbent upon the husband to admonish his wife with pleasant words, to guide her in the ways of modesty, to distance her from slander, anger, cursing, the mention of G-d's name in vain, and similar things in the Orders of Nashim and Nezikin. He should caution her in regard to the details of mitzvot – especially in the areas of prayer, blessings of benefit from this world, the observance of Shabbat, etc. How good and how pleasant it would be for him to teach her ideas of ethical improvement and to share with her words of the Sages in all matters that are relevant to her and their severity.

Yad Rama (Sanhedrin 76b): The braissa says that if a man loves his wife as himself – that means that he should have mercy on her as he is merciful to himself but more than himself is not relevant. That is because love is something which is in the heart and a person is not able to love another more than he loves himself. However regarding honor that is something for which it is possible that he can honor her more than himself with clothing which is nicer than what he gets for himself.

Kiddushas Levi (Bereishis 224:67): And Yitzchok brought her into his mother’s tent and she became his wife and he loved her. What was the reason that the Torah tells us that Yitzchok loved Rivkah? A possible answer is based on the fact that there are two types of love a man has for a woman. The first type is the physical lust that a man has for a woman because he wants to satisfy his desires. Because this type of love is solely concerned with what he wants,  it is actually not love for the woman at all but entirely love of himself. The second type is the love which is not concerned with satisfying his physical lusts but rather is because she is an instrument that enables him to fulfill the commands of his Creator – thus he loves her just as he loves the other mitzvos. This is called love of his wife. That is the meaning of “And Yitzchok loved her.” He had no thoughts regarding physical lust but only loved her because she enabled him to fulfill the mitzvos of G‑d.

Ramban(Bereishis 24:67): What was the reason that the Torah mentions that Yitzchok loved Rivkah and was comforted? This alludes to the fact that he was very distraught at the loss of his mother and could not be comforted until he was comforted by the love he had for her. Because otherwise what could possibly be the reason it would mention that a man loved his wife?

Rav Chaim Paltiel (Bereishis 24:67): And Yitzchok loved her This statement of the Torah is surprising – does that mean that originally he hated her? A possible answer is when he had the first sexual intercourse with her - he did not find signs of virginity. That was becasue she had fallen off the camel when she first saw him and this caused her to lose the signs of virginity and therefore she had the halachic status of one was lost the signs because of a physical blow (muchas eitz) – not because of intercourse. As a result of not finding the signs of virginity he hated her because he suspected that she had had relations with other men. She protested that she had done nothing wrong with any man. Eliezar also defended her innocence of wrong doing. She explained that when she fell of the camel, the force had caused her to lose the signs of virginity. She added, “Perhaps G-d will do a miracle and I will find the signs of virginity.” They went to the field where she had fallen and they found the signs of virginity on a stone and a dove was sitting on them in order to preserve them from the sun.

Rabbeinu Bachye (Kad HaKemach – Ahava): ... The attribute of love is great but the attribute of desire (cheshek) is even great than love. That is because love means loving the person in all his actions whether they are open or secret. However there are times when the love disappears and he forgets about her – such as when he is eating or drinking or sleeping. In contrast desire (cheshek) is when the person’s thoughts are constatnly attached in great and powerful love and there is no interruption at all in his desire. An example is Bereishis (34:3) where it says that Shechem soul clung to Dinah and Bereishis (34:3), Chamor said that his son Shechem’s soul desired (cheshek) Yaakov’s daughter. When someone has desire then he thinks of nothing else. Even when eating or drinking he doesn’t stop thinking about her. In fact sometimes he will lose his appetite and not eat at all. Even while sleeping that which he desires will appear to him dreams and will speak to him... Shir HaShirim is based on this attribute of desire (cheshek) which begins with (Shir HaShirim 1:2), Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth....

Rav S. R. Hirsch (Bereishis 24:67):... A man’s love for his wife grows with time. An example is the marriage of the son of the first Jew. This is the way it is with the majority of Jewish marriages. They are not built on the basis of lust (cheshek) but rather on careful deliberations. The parents and relatives make the decision as to whether these young people are compatible with each other. As a consequence of this objective compatibility, love grows with the marriage as the couple spends more time together. In contrast the majority of non-Jewish marriages in the world are based on what they call “love”. One has only to look around to have clear proof that there is a great chasm between the “love” prior to marriage and that which exists after the marriage. One sees how quickly things change after marriage and are so different than what people imagined they would be. This “love” is blind and false. In contrast the Jewish marriages are described by this verse, “And he took Rivkah and he married her and he came to love her.” The Jewish wedding is not the result of the flowering of love but is the cause of it.

Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein (Chashukei Chemed - Yoma 2a):  Question: It says in Yevamos 62b) that one who loves his lives as himself and honors her more than himself....will have peace in his tent. The Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 15:19) writes that the Sages commanded that a man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as much as himself. But this requires an explanation as to why they gave such a command since we already are commanded to love our fellow man and a person's wife is obviously included in this Torah command? Answer: I asked this question to my brother -in-law Rav Chaim Konievsky and he replied that it was because there are times when a person is not obligated to show love from the Torah command of "love your fellow as yourself." For example it says in Nida (16b), Rav Shimon bar Yochai said there are 4 things that Gd hates and I don't like. 1) A person who suddenly enters into his house and surely into the house of another person [because person they are involved in intimate matters - Rashi]. The Maharasha writes, "G-d hates them because these are matters of pritzus (immorality) but regarding himself Rav Shimon just says I don't love them. That is because it is possible that these things are not pritzus that would justify violating the prohibition of hating another." Consequently in such a case if the wife suddenly enters into the house then at that moment there is no obligation to love his wife from the aspect of the Torah law of "love your fellow as yourself." However in regard to the command that is derived from "you will have peace in  your tent"- there is still an obligation to love her. Furthermore there is a question regarding what the halachais when a wife sins. There is no longer an obligation to love her from "love your fellow" - in fact the opposite is true and there is an obligation to hate her. Is this rabbinic command "of peace in your tent" still applicable? It would seem that even  if there is  no mitzva to love her there is still a mitzva to honor her. That is because the obligation to honor her is because of gratitude because she raises the children and saves him from sin. This gratitude is still obligatory even if she sins. Therefore it is correct to honor her and to buy her appropriate clothing - even though she sins. Rav Shmuel Arvah gives an additional answer why there is a special verse to love his wife. It is based on the Maharsha (Shabbos 31a) which explains the answer of Hillel to the goy who wanted to learn the entire Torah while standing on one foot and  Hillel replied that what is hateful to you do do to your fellow. The question is why he worded in a negative way that he should be good to his fellow as he is to himself? He answers that the Maharsha says that the verse of "loving your fellow as yourself"  only applies to negative commands such as not taking revenge. However not to the positive commands of the Torah to do good to others.  That is because your life always comes first. Consequently we can say from the obligation of loving your fellow as yourself - there is no obligation to be good to your wife as to yourself. However from the obligation to honor your wife - there is an obligation to honor [sic] her as yourself.