Call me 'ze,' not 'he': University wants everyone to use 'gender inclusive' pronouns

Fox News

Educators in the Volunteer State are very concerned that students might be offended by the usage of traditional pronouns like she, he, him and hers, according to a document from the University of Tennessee – Knoxville’s Office of Diversity and Inclusion.

“With the new semester beginning and an influx of new students on campus, it is important to participate in making our campus welcoming and inclusive for all,” wrote Donna Braquet in a posting on the university’s website. “One way to do that is to use a student’s chosen name and their correct pronouns.”

Braquet, who is director of the university’s Pride Center, suggested using a variety of gender neutral pronouns instead of traditional pronouns.

For all you folks who went to school back when there were only him and her – here’s a primer: some of the new gender neutral pronouns are ze, hir, zir, xe, xem and xyr.

  [...]

Let’s just say that not everyone is on board with the new gender neutral pronouns. Lots of folks in Big Orange Country are turning blood red.

“It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Republican State Sen. Mae Beavers told me. “If you must interview a student before you greet the student, that’s not acceptance – that’s just absurd.”

Beavers represents a “very conservative” district and she said her constituents are enraged over how their tax money is being spent by the university.

“The idea a child would want to be called by a gender neutral term is absolutely ridiculous,” she said. “It’s getting so crazy in this country.”

Julie West has two children at the university – not to mention a family dog named after the Volunteer’s revered coach – General Neyland.

“This isn’t inclusion,” she said. “This is the radical transformation of our lives and language.”[...]

Dealing with threats from spouse in divorce cases

shrink 4 men 

A very common concern from divorce clients and people looking for information about their divorce comes in the form of, “my husband is threatening to…” or “my wife is threatening to…” with something about taking away the kids or all the property.

99.9% of the time those threats have zero basis in the law and are never going to happen. They have less to do with the law or what the person really believes they can do to you, and more to do with psychological warfare by tormenting you or scaring you into doing or not doing something. Under the Texas Family Code, divorces are just not that sinister. Usually these threats are made before the divorce petition is filed or shortly afterwards. It is common to see the spouse who does not want the divorce threatening to “take the kids and you’ll never see them” or “take everything and leave you with nothing” to scare you away from filing for divorce and staying in a bad situation. After the divorce petition is filed and the other spouse (respondent) has been served, these threats are tossed around out of anger just to torment you. The best way to avoid being scared away from filing for divorce in Texas or hire a divorce lawyer to protect your rights is to understand why these threats are untrue (or at least highly unlikely). Knowledge is power. So today’s post will address some of those common threats and how the law really works. One of the biggest issues people struggle with in dealing with a high-conflict (HCP) ex is when children are part of the equation. It’s hard enough to shed a HCP spouse or partner; when children are involved, it becomes the never-ending trickle of salt into the open wound you’re trying to heal.

As noted in a previous Shrink4Men article, the trick to neutralizing the Crazy is boundaries. For some of us, creating boundaries for ourselves is difficult enough. It becomes hellishly difficult to implement healthy boundaries when there are children to consider.

Why is it so difficult? In many cases, the answer is fear.

HCPs are predators, as Dr T and Micksbabe so aptly identified them. They know the smell of fear. If you have any, they will know it. They might not be the sharpest pencil in the box otherwise, but boy, do they know how to sniff out fear. Then they capitalize on it to the nth degree.

Once you or the HCP decide the marriage or relationship is over, you need to immediately be on your guard. At that point, regardless of what your HCP ex says, you are now the enemy in their mind. Many men are often lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that she seems to be behaving and seems to be thinking and acting rationally at the beginning of the break-up or divorce.

She is not. It’s a trap! (Think Admiral Ackbar here.) [...]

Even when you know how crazy your Crazy is, it’s hard to believe someone could act the way they do. You don’t want to believe it. You want to think the high-conflict parent loves the children as much as you do. (Honestly, they all seem to have the same large-print handbook on how to be as horrific as possible.)

HCPs know this. On some level, they know you won’t sink to the same depths they do in your desire to get what you want and they count on it. They count on you not wanting to go against your upbringing that includes manners and not behaving badly. They know your desire to behave as a decent member of society holds you back from responding to their behavior no matter what. No one wants to be the bad guy and they count on your desire to be Mr Nice Guy.

Know that. Recognize that the Crazy will not fight fair, will not behave in a way that is socially acceptable, will use your children, will threaten you and play on your fear at every opportunity, and will sacrifice herself to “win” against you. To the Crazy, any means justify their ends.

You don’t have to stoop to their level. Instead, prepare yourself from a legal standpoint. Again, do your research and understand the laws you’ll be subject to once in the court system. Document the Crazy behavior and show how the Crazy does not support a positive relationship between your kids and yourself.  Also, understand the financial implications. Get very familiar with your state’s child support guidelines. Even if you have an attorney, having this knowledge will serve you well. [...]

In Dr. Baker’s book, she profiles horrible stories of alienation. All of the children who were victims of PAS eventually stepped away from their alienating parent, and went about attempting to resurrect the relationship with the target parent. This was true even in some of the most awful cases.

While it may not seem to be doing much at the time, your children will remember who loved them and demonstrated it using more than words, who was there for them, and who didn’t hop on the Crazy train and drive it into the abyss.

Do your due diligence, get professional support if you need it, focus on long-term gains instead of the short-term, permanent present guerrilla warfare tactics many HCPs engage in and you and your children will survive this. [...]

Holocaust trauma passed on to children via genes, says scientist

Picture unrelated to story

The Jewish Chronicle   A study of Holocaust survivors and their children has shown that trauma can be passed on through genes.

The study, led by Rachel Yehuda from New York’s Mount Sinai Hospital, looked at the genes of 32 men and women who directly experienced the Holocaust - either in a concentration camp or who had to hide during the Second World War. 

According to the research, the survivors’ children had an increased likelihood of stress-related disorders, as well as low levels of cortisol, the hormone that regulates the body’s response to stress. Ms Yehuda said: “The gene changes in the children could only be attributed to Holocaust exposure in the parents”.

The idea that environmental factors such as smoking or diet can affect one’s offspring via genetic mutations is known as “epigenetic inheritance”. [...]

The idea is a controversial one and it is still not fully understood how these tags are passed on. It was believed that any epigenetic tags on DNA are ‘wiped clean’ following fertilisation. However, recent research form Cambridge University has shown that some epigenetic tags escape this cleaning process.

“To our knowledge, this provides the first demonstration of transmission of pre-conception stress effects resulting in epigenetic changes in both the exposed parents and their offspring in humans,” said Ms Yehuda, whose work was published in Biological Psychiatry. 

Marcus Pembrey, emeritus professor of paediatric genetics at University College London, said: “What we’re getting here is the very beginnings of a understanding of how one generation responds to the experiences of the previous generation. It’s fine-tuning the way your genes respond to the world.”

Graphic video has prompted McDonald's to cut ties with one of its chicken suppliers

Picture unrelated to story

Huffington Post  Chickens cruelly beaten, stomped to death and left to die painfully and slowly. According to Mercy For Animals, that’s the “disgusting secret” behind McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets.

On Wednesday, the advocacy group released disturbing hidden-camera footage capturing what it says is evidence of abusive practices at a McDonald’s chicken supplier.

The investigation into T&S Farm, located in Dukedom, Tennessee, “exposed horrific cruelty to animals, including birds beaten, crammed in filthy sheds, stabbed to death with nails attached to makeshift clubs and left to suffer and slowly die without proper veterinary care,” the group wrote.

The farm had likely supplied chicken for McDonald's Chicken McNuggets, McChicken sandwiches and grilled and deep-fried chicken filets, according to The Associated Press.

Watch the video below. Be warned that it contains graphic footage:

Sponge Bob and the Jewish Question

The Widening World of Hand-Picked Truths

NY Times

Nearly half a century ago, in what passed as outrage in pre-Internet times, people across the country became incensed by the latest edition of Time magazine. In place of the familiar portrait of a world leader — Indira Gandhi, Lyndon B. Johnson, Ho Chi Minh — the cover of the April 8, 1966, issue was emblazoned with three red words against a stark black background: “Is God Dead?”

Thousands of people sent letters of protest to Time and to their local newspapers. Ministers denounced the magazine in their sermons.

The subject of the fury — a sprawling, 6,000-word essay of the kind Time was known for — was not, as many assumed, a denunciation of religion. Drawing on a panoply of philosophers and theologians, Time’s religion editor calmly considered how society was adapting to the diminishing role of religion in an age of secularization, urbanism and, especially, stunning advances in science.

With astronauts walking in space, and polio and other infectious diseases seemingly on the way to oblivion, it was natural to assume that people would increasingly stop believing things just because they had always believed them. Faith would steadily give way to the scientific method as humanity converged on an ever better understanding of what was real.

Almost 50 years later, that dream seems to be coming apart. Some of the opposition is on familiar grounds: The creationist battle against evolution remains fierce, and more sophisticated than ever. But it’s not just organized religions that are insisting on their own alternate truths. On one front after another, the hard-won consensus of science is also expected to accommodate personal beliefs, religious or otherwise, about the safety of vaccines, G.M.O. crops, fluoridation or cellphone radio waves, along with the validity of global climate change.

Like creationists with their “intelligent design,” the followers of these causes come armed with their own personal science, assembled through Internet searches that inevitably turn up the contortions of special interest groups. In an attempt to dilute the wisdom of the crowd, Google recently tweaked its algorithm so that searching for “vaccination” or “fluoridation,” for example, brings vetted medical information to the top of the results.

But presenting people with the best available science doesn’t seem to change many minds. In a kind of psychological immune response, they reject ideas they consider harmful. A study published this month in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggested that it is more effective to appeal to anti-vaxxers through their emotions, with stories and pictures of children sick with measles, the mumps or rubella — a reminder that subjective feelings are still trusted over scientific expertise.[...]

Many Psychology Findings Not as Strong as Claimed - 50% of published studies are possibly junk

NYTimes

The past several years have been bruising ones for the credibility of the social sciences. A star social psychologist was caught fabricating data, leading to more than 50 retracted papers. A top journal published a study supporting the existence of ESP. The journal Science pulled a political science paper on the effect of gay canvassers on voters’ behavior – also because of concerns about fake data.

 A University of Virginia psychologist decided in 2011 to find out whether such suspect science was a widespread problem. He and his team recruited more than 250 researchers, identified 100 studies that had each been published in one of three leading journals in 2008, and rigorously redid the experiments in close collaboration with the original authors.

The results are now in: More than 60 of the studies did not hold up. They include findings that were circulated at the time — that a strong skepticism of free will increases the likelihood of cheating; that physical distances could subconsciously influence people’s sense of personal closeness; that attached women are more attracted to single men when highly fertile than when less so.

The new analysis, called the Reproducibility Project and posted Thursday by Science, found no evidence of fraud or that any original study was definitively false. Rather, it concluded that the evidence for most published findings was not nearly as strong as originally claimed.

“Less than half — even lower than I thought,” said Dr. John Ioannidis, a director of Stanford University’s Meta-Research Innovation Center, who once estimated that about half of published results across medicine were inflated or wrong. Dr. Ioannidis said the problem was hardly confined to psychology and could be worse in other fields, including cell biology, economics, neuroscience, clinical medicine, and animal research

Canadian Man Dubbed 'Jewish Schindler' for Saving Yazidi Sex Slaves From ISIS

Haaretz

A Canadian businessman is being dubbed the “Jewish Schindler” after paying for the release of Yazidi and Christian slaves held by Islamic State, also known as ISIS or ISIL.

Steve Maman has rescued 128  girls and women through the organisation he founded, Liberation of Christian and Yazidi Children of Iraq (CYCI).

CYCI uses intermediaries to negotiate with Islamic State captors and pays between $1000 - $3000 for the release of each slave. According to the organization’s website, girls and women are then returned to their families or sent to a Kurdish refugee camp in northern Syria.

Islamic State is estimated to have taken 2,700 women and girls captive, torturing them and using them as sex slaves. Amnesty International claims Yazidi and Christian girls as young as 12 are being held.

Montreal-based Maman says his Jewish tradition motivated him to take action and establish CYCI in January this year.
read more: http://www.haaretz.com/jewish-world/jewish-world-news/1.673270

Rav Dovid Eidensohn Tel Conf #17 - Your Kesubo – Is it Kosher? August 26 Wed 9:30 PM

Call 605-562-3130 enter code 411161#

Your Kesubo – is it kosher? Why not? Probably, some reliable person supervised the Kesubo writing at your wedding. Torah scholars were present. So, what is the problem? We list below three problems. One is Reb Moshe Feinstein’s ruling that in large cities some kesubose may be invalid. And today most people are probably in such cities, certainly those in New York City. Another problem is that our Kesubose don’t really assure a woman that she will be paid. And the Talmud considers this an invalid Kesubo, and the marriage is considered Zenuse. This is even if the Kesubo is a proper legal document but the wife is not sure of that. Surely if there are real problems in making her sure of herself with the Kesubo. The third problem is that the Kesubo is read publicly, and some information in it may be hugely humiliating. Rabbeinu Yona considers such a humiliation to be worse than murder.

Rav Mendel Shafran: Explaining the Givat Yerushalayim project in Beit Shemesh

Ultra-Orthodox In Israel: Keeping Cool While Keeping Customs

NPR

In the hot sun of a Jerusalem afternoon, kids wait for a fountain to turn on.

When water spouts into the air, 9-year-old Tzipora Baranas jumps right in. She's wearing black tights, a black, below-the-knee skirt and a long-sleeved black shirt.

"It's fun when the water spritzes up in my face," she says.

She is Orthodox Jewish and her outfit is in deference to religious modesty. She says she's not hot at all, despite the temperature hitting the 90s and the dark clothes covering all but her face and hands.

Of course, she is dripping wet at the moment.

Nearby, in the shade, an Orthodox mother, Rinat Kuperman, says it's good that the city has a place where kids can get wet without having to wear a swimsuit in public.

"They understand that people like us want to be happy in the summer and still keep ourselves like we want," she says. "Covered and refreshed."

Her family swims only in pools with times separated by gender, in keeping with their religious custom of covering their bodies when away from home and in the presence of members of the opposite sex. Kuperman isn't dressed all in black, but her skirt brushes her ankles. She wears a long-sleeved blouse over a T-shirt and has wrapped a colorful scarf over her hair.

Most Israelis are secular, and this record-breaking summer heat means plenty of shorts and skimpy tops on the beaches and streets. Choices for modest dress — including those that keep people covered up even in the summer heat — draw on religious rules, community norms and personal beliefs.[...]

Lakewood Beis Din publishes halachic issues against using secular court

Jared Fogle has no easy road to recovery, sex addiction experts say

Indystar    Identifying those with pedophilic or sex addiction, as well as victims of sexual abuse, can be challenging

Bill Cosby. Josh Duggar. Dennis Hastert. And now Jared Fogle.

In the past few months, allegations surrounding these men and sexual activity with minors, male and female, have surfaced in headline after headline. In the latest, Indiana’s own Fogle just agreed to plead guilty to charges that include having sex with teenagers and distributing pornography involving children as young as 6 years old.[...]

Researchers delving into the personality characteristics of those who engage in online deviate behavior, of which child pornography is one type, know that you can rarely predict offenders.

There is no one type of person that engages in child pornography, no one profile,” said Kathryn Seigfried-Spellar, an assistant professor in the department of computer and information technology at Purdue University who studies this area. “It’s because the behavior itself is very dynamic and complex.”

Some people will download child pornography but never try to contact a minor for a sexual encounter, she said. Others might network, share information and reach out to children. Now researchers have noted another category — those who contact minors online but have no intention of ever meeting them in person.[...]

Although people who do jail time for viewing child pornography have low recidivism rates, the same is not true for those who contact their victims, Seigfried-Spellar said. [...]

“You cannot be cured of this,” she said. “It is like any other addiction. You can learn how to manage it ... but you have to work on this every day of your life when you have this compulsion.”

Protest against incompetence of International Beit Din for Agunos

Update: Psakim of the Beis Din has been added as well as the link to their webpage where these psakim came from -   International Beit Din - psakim

   International Beis Din Psak 1

 International Beis Din Psak 2 

Rav Dovid Eidensohn Tel Conf #16 – Prenups Force a Husband to Divorce His Wife Wed 9:30 PM Aug 19

Call 605-562-3130  code 411161#

Prenups are documents a husband signs at his wedding, empowering the wife to leave the house at any time and force the husband to give her a GET. The husband, from the time that the wife leaves the house, must pay his wife a large sum of money regularly, a sum designed to overwhelm his ability to pay and to force him to give her a GET. The Modern Orthodox world is working hard to force every husband to sign a prenup. When that happens, may truly Orthodox people marry children born from Modern Orthodox women who got divorces because of prenups, or not? And what happens if Orthodox husbands sign a prenup and there is a GET? That is our discussion here.

Shoftim 75 - What happened to the Policeman? by Allan Katz

Guest post by Allan Katz

שופטים ושוטרים תתן לך בכל שעך' ' The parasha of Shoftim opens with the commandment to appoint for yourselves judges and police officers in all your cities. In our daily prayers we ask God to 'restore our judges as in the earliest times and counselors at first ' - השיבה שופטינו כבראשונה ויועצינו כבתחלה. The obvious question is what happened to the policemen, why don't we pray for the restoration of a police force. There is a need for police especially in the light that religious courts are said to have ' no teeth ' and lack authority, something that has been a feature of the religious legal system for centuries. (Something to wonder about).In education, likewise there are many religious educators who long for the days where punishments were ' effective ' tools in educating kids in Torah. Nevertheless, we pray for judges and counselors who can guide and inspire us to follow and keep God's Torah and not for policemen who will enforce God's law.

A legal system in a country and the state of law, order and morality are not only dependent on judges and policemen but on the moral standing of the population. In our verse above, God also calls on all individuals, on an individual level to be their own personal judges and policemen who reflect, make personal judgments on how to act and monitor their own behavior. In fact, the breakdown of law and order in many countries has more to do with the lack of moral standing of its population than government instruments for maintaining law and order. The Mishnah Pirkei Avos 3:2 ' Rabbi Chanina the deputy [High] Priest said: Pray for the welfare of the government (lit., monarchy), for if not for its fear, a person would swallow his fellow live." seems to be not quite relevant for a time when there is no longer any fear for governments. We pray that we should be intrinsically motivated to be people who follow the Torah because it is the right thing to do and we appreciate God's Torah values and the Divine intelligence. In the same way, we want our kids not to hit or speak badly to other kids because of what will happen to them, but because they are people who love others and don't hit or hurt the feelings of others.

We pray that not only should the religious courts replace secular courts but more important we should relate to religious courts from a true religious perspective. R' Isaac Sher explains that if we go to a religious court – beit din with intention to defend our rights and property we have transformed a beit din into a secular court. We go to beit din to seek guidance, to know how God wants us to act in this situation and resolve the conflict. The status of religious courts depends on our attitude and appreciation of their religious roles in our lives.

Collaborating and finding mutual satisfying solutions or making compromises with or without the help of the religious courts is fundamental in dealing with disputes and resolving conflict. Again 'mishpat= justice ' is something very much personal and intrinsic to the individual and less dependent on the external legal system.

To sum up: It seems that the Torah wants the locus of control to be intrinsic to people and that we educate people to be their own judges, self – assess and monitor their behavior , have an appreciation of the religious value of the courts of law and be able to settle disputes in a collaborative problem solving way.

When it comes to our children we do the opposite. The locus of control is outside the child. The educational system – both academic and socio-moral is driven by parents and teachers using extrinsic motivators such as grades, moving to the next level, consequences, punishments, rewards and encouragement in the form of positive reinforcement and praise. When it comes to behavior, kids ask what will I get, or what will be done to me if I behave in a certain way and not what type of person do I want to be, is this an expression of my Torah values,reflect on the consequences of my behavior, not for me, but for others in the community, classroom and family? One of the things I look for in 'frum' – religious education and parenting is what happens when kids screw up. Is the talk about compliance and the tools of control that can get compliance or is it helping the child to see the consequences of his actions on others, come up with a better plan that addresses his concerns in an appropriate way and engaging in an autonomous way in the moral act of restitution , reparation and making amends ? In other words - do Teshuvah-repent.

When it comes to learning, the questions kids ask is if this will be on the test, what grade did I get, am I in the top ten in the class, how can I get the best grade with the minimal effort etc, instead of connecting and developing a love for learning, making meaning of what is being learned, seeing the actual value and relevance of the learning and asking questions. John Dewey said education is not a preparation for life, but life itself, or closer to home Torah is our life.

In order to place the locus of control with the child and move away from extrinsic controls and motivators we should take note of the words of the educator Jerome Bruner. Kids should be helped to focus on what they are doing and not on how they are doing. So it is important that kids do not experience success or failure as rewards or punishment but as information. Our feedback is important but it should be neutral and non-evaluative so kids can reflect on what they are doing and internalize the underlying values which will help them become self-determined Torah personalities.

For transgender Jews, ritual bath is fraught with questions about inclusion

Washington Jewish Week

Converting to Judaism about a year ago, a transgender man in Washington asked his rabbi a pointed question about the last step in the process, which calls for dunking naked in a ritual bath.

Could he locate a transgender man to serve as the required witness for this immersion?[...]

The mikvah — most commonly used by traditional Jewish women to mark the end of their menstrual periods — is where a transgender person may first discover how a Jewish community treats its transgender members. [...]

Each mikvah witness must be a supportive person, said Berman — someone who “isn’t going to flip out when they see a body that might look different from what they would have expected.”

Jakarta Court Overturns Sex Convictions Against International School Teachers

Time    Two teachers from an exclusive international school in the Indonesian capital, Jakarta, walked free after a judge upheld their appeal and quashed sexual-assault convictions Friday, AP

Canadian Neil Bantleman and his Indonesian colleague Ferdinant Tjiong were initially convicted under Indonesia’s child-protection law — which calls for a maximum of 15 years in prison for sexual abuse toward a child. They had been accused of raping three kindergarten-aged boys at the Jakarta Intercultural School, formerly known as the Jakarta International School.

They were set to serve a 10-year prison sentence, of which they’ve already served over a year

The two teachers maintained their innocence throughout the trial. AP says that staff at the school campaigned for their release, arguing that the case was motivated by money after the mother of one of the children sued the school for $125 million in compensation.

A judge threw the mother’s case out of court on Aug. 10, saying that there was not enough medical evidence to prove the boys had been assaulted. [...]

Coca-Cola Funds Scientists Who Shift Blame for Obesity Away From Bad Diets

NY Times

Coca-Cola, the world’s largest producer of sugary beverages, is backing a new “science-based” solution to the obesity crisis: To maintain a healthy weight, get more exercise and worry less about cutting calories.

The beverage giant has teamed up with influential scientists who are advancing this message in medical journals, at conferences and through social media. To help the scientists get the word out, Coke has provided financial and logistical support to a new nonprofit organization called the Global Energy Balance Network, which promotes the argument that weight-conscious Americans are overly fixated on how much they eat and drink while not paying enough attention to exercise.

“Most of the focus in the popular media and in the scientific press is, ‘Oh they’re eating too much, eating too much, eating too much’ — blaming fast food, blaming sugary drinks and so on,” the group’s vice president, Steven N. Blair, an exercise scientist, says in a recent video announcing the new organization. “And there’s really virtually no compelling evidence that that, in fact, is the cause.”

Health experts say this message is misleading and part of an effort by Coke to deflect criticism about the role sugary drinks have played in the spread of obesity and Type 2 diabetes. They contend that the company is using the new group to convince the public that physical activity can offset a bad diet despite evidence that exercise has only minimal impact on weight compared with what people consume. [...]

Most public health experts say that energy balance is an important concept, because weight gain for most people is about calories in vs. calories out. But the experts say research makes it clear that one side of the equation has a far greater effect. [...]

Rav Pinchus Rabinowitz issues clarification concerning Get Me'usa resulting from Quebec's laws

         עזר משפט                                                                    Ezer Mishpat        

     הרב פינחס אליהו רבינוביץ שליט"א                                                            Rabbi Pinchus Rabinowitz  

                    ראב"ד                                                                                                                      Ravad   

Tel. (845) 641-4345

100 Park Ln. Monsey NY 10952

בעזהי"ת

                    

בירור דברים בדין גט מעושה ע"י חוק גירושין של מדינת קיובעק

תנן בגיטין [פ"ח ע"ב] גט מעושה בישראל כשר, ובעובדי כוכבים פסול. ופירש הרשב"ם [ב"ב מ"ח ע"א] גט המעושה, שכופין אותו לבעל להוציא, אם בישראל הוא כשר שכפוהו ישראל וכגון דאמר רוצה אני: בעכו"ם פסול, ואע"ג דאמר רוצה אני וכו'.

ובסוף המשנה קתני ובעכו"ם חובטין אותו ואומרין לו עשה מה שישראל אומר לך ופירשב"ם ובעכו"ם, אם אנו רוצים לכופו על ידי עכו"ם ויהיה הגט כשר מלמדים אנו לעכו"ם שיאמרו לו עשה מה שישראל אומר לך, דהשתא נמי מצוה לשמוע דברי חכמים עכ"ל. ועי' בתוס' ב"ב מ"ח ע"א ד"ה גט בסו"ד וז"ל: והא דאמר בגיטין [דף פ"ח ע"ב] לפניהם ולא לפני עכו"ם כיון שהעישוי על פי דייני ישראל לאו היינו לפני עכו"ם, דלפני עכו"ם היינו כשהעישוי נעשה על פי דייני עכו"ם עכ"ל.

ביאור הדברים דאף שהגט צריך להיכתב ולהינתן מרצון הבעל, ולכן גט מעושה פסול שהבעל לא גירש מרצונו, מכל מקום באופן שכופין אותו לגרש למדין מהמשנה בערכין [כ"א ע"א] דכופין אותו עד שיאמר רוצה אני, וכ"ה ברמב"ם פ"ב מהלכות גירושין הלכה כ': מי שהדין נותן שכופין אותו לגרש את אשתו ולא רצה לגרש, בית דין וכו' וכו', מכין אותו עד שיאמר רוצה אני, ויכתוב הגט והוא גט כשר.

וכתב עוד הרמב"ם: ולמה לא בטל גט זה שהרי הוא אנוס בין ביד גויים בין ביד ישראל, שאין אומרין אנוס אלא למי שנלחץ ונדחק לעשות דבר שאינו מחויב בו מן התורה לעשותו, כגון מי שהוכה עד שמכר או נתן, אבל מי שתקפו יצרו הרע לבטל מצוה או לעשות עבירה, והוכה עד שעשה דבר שחייב לעשותו וכו', אין זה אנוס ממנו, אלא הוא אנס עצמו בדעתו הרעה. לפיכך, זה שאינו רוצה לגרש מאחר שהוא רוצה להיות מישראל, רוצה הוא לעשות כל המצוות ולהתרחק מן העבירות, ויצרו הוא שתקפו, וכיון שהוכה עד שתשש יצרו ואמר רוצה אני כבר גירש לרצונו עכ"ל.

ולענין הלכה כתב בשו"ע אם אנסוהו ישראל שלא כדין פסול, ובבית שמואל כתב לפרש וז"ל: משמע לכאורה דפסול מדרבנן, וליתא אלא אפילו מדאורייתא פסול כמו שכתבו ברש"י והר"ן ובטור וכן משמע בסעיף ז', וכן אם אנסוהו עכו"ם כדין הגט בטל וכו' עכ"ד ר"ל שבסעיף ז' כתב המחבר אנסוהו ישראל לגרש שלא כדין ואמר רוצה אני, וגם ביטל המודעא או לא מסרה [ר"ל המודעא] פסול, ואעפ"כ פסלה מן הכהונה עכ"ל המחבר, ומדכתב לרבותא שפסלה מן הכהונה שמע מינה דמן הדין הגט בטל מדאורייתא, ורק משום ריח הגט [שהוא חומרא בעלמא] פסלה מן הכהונה, וכ"כ להלכה הט"ז בסק"ט ובערוה"ש סעיף ג'.

ובאנסוהו עכו"ם כתב בשו"ע סעיף ח: אנסוהו כותים לגרש, אם הוא חייב לגרשה מן הדין פסול, ואעפ"כ פסלה מהכהונה, ואם לא היה חייב לגרשה מן הדין אפילו ריח גט אין בו ולא נפסלה מהכהונה, והרמ"א הוסיף על זה וז"ל: ואפילו אם קבל מעות על נתינת הגט לא אמרינן משום זה נתרצה עכ"ד.

הרי מבואר דפסולו של גט מעושה ע"י נכרים אף שיש פסק דין שחייב בכפייה לא חלה הדין של כפייה על העישוי של נכרים, ולכן הגט בטל מן התורה.

ובאותו מקרה אם נעשתה הכפייה על ידי עובד כוכבים [והבי"ד של ישראל לא ביקשו מהנכרים שיכופו אותו] הגט פסול אף שבאמת היה הבעל חייב לגרש את אשתו, מכל מקום כיון שלא נעשה על ידי בית דין של ישראל אין הגט מועיל להתיר את האשה, אפילו אם אמר הבעל רוצה אני כדרך שהוא עושה ע"י כפיית בית דין.

ב

מהו העישוי שנחשב לאונס לא רק שחבטוהו והכוהו על כך כדקתני להדיא במשנה אלא גם כשאנסוהו בממון כגון שגזלו ממנו מעותיו ואינם רוצים להחזיר לו אלא אם כן יגרש את אשתו כ"כ הרשב"א בתשובותיו ח"ד סי' מ' והובא בב"י סי' קל"ד ומקורו מגמ' ב"ב מ' ע"ב במעשה דפרדיסא, ובשו"ת ה"ר בצלאל אשכנזי סי' ט"ז כתב להוכיח כן מכל הראשונים שכתבו במכירה שאונס ממון הוי אונס והוא הדין בגט ע"ש.

אשר לפ"ז כשהאשה הולכת לערכאות ותובעת ממון שלא כדין ובגלל זה נותן הבעל גט לאשתו הוי גט מעושה כדכתב בשו"ת שבט הלוי בחלק ה' סימן ר"י בסוף תשובתו בזה"ל: באופן שחשש גט מעושה במקומו עומד כיון שהוא כפיית ממון ע"י אחרים, וכבר יצאה הלכה לכלל ישראל שאונס ממון נקרא ג"כ אונס כמבואר שם באה"ע וחו"מ ובתשובת מהר"ב אשכנזי סימן ט"ז, ומהרי"ק סימן ס"ג ובמכתב אליהו סוף פרק י"ט ובשאר הרבה פוסקים, ואין עיצה אלא שימחלו לו הקנס, ושהיא תכתוב כן לערכאות, וכשהוא חפשי מזה לפעול אצלו על הגט ברצון עכ"ד.

ונראה דבכה"ג שערכאות מחייבים ממון שלא כדין הגט פסול אפילו במקום שיש פסק דין של כפייה, דמאחר שתובעים ממון שלא כדין הרי סיבת הדבר שנותן הגט הוא משום שאינו רוצה שיגנבו ממנו ממון, ומאחר שזה הכפייה הוא שלא כדין דאסור לישראל לגזול ממון ע"י ערכאות דהוי מסירה וגזילה, ועוד בכה"ג שגם אחרי נתינת הגט מונעים ממנו איזה זכות שלא כדין הרי באופן זה אין הבעל חייב ליתן גט והכפייה הוא שלא כדת, שהרי הבעל מפסיד שלא כדין בגלל נתינת הגט, ועוד מאחר שכופין שלא כדין הרי בממילא באופן זה בטלה הדין של כפייה והוי גט מעושה.

ואף עישוי של ישראל הוא ע"י שכופין אותו בגופו כלשונו של הרמב"ם הנ"ל "וכיון שהוכה עד שתשש יצרו ואמר רוצה אני כבר גירש לרצונו" אבל לא כן הוא כשאנסוהו בממון, שאין אמירת רוצה אני יוצאת מעמקי הלב כיון שלא תשש יצרו, רק אנוס הוא באמירת רוצה אני כדי שלא יגזלו ממנו, ועוד מאחר שאין זה הדרך לכפייה הרי נעשה הכפייה באיסור, והוי כמו אנסוהו שלא כדין, ועוד אפילו אם העישוי הוא רק על דברים המגיעים לה על פי הלכה, אבל מאחר שחוק גירושין הוא שהיא יכולה לתבוע, ולהבעל אין זכות טענה - לטעון כנגדה בודאי יש בה משום חמס. ובאמת נראה שיש לדון /שבאופן שיפסיד הבעל יותר בערכאות מכפי דיני תורה הן בענין ממון הן בענין ביקורי ילדים והוא אינו רוצה ליתן גט עד שיסודר ביניהם מקודם באיזה אופן שיהי', הרי בזה יש לו זכות לעכב הגט עכ"פ עד שתלך לדין תורה, ואף היה הבעל מאלו שכופין, וכן פסקו הבית דין מכל מקום למה לא יהיה לו הזכות לעכב הגט עד שגם היא תעשה כדין תורה, והסברא נותנת שעד שתציית היא לדין תורה הרי הוא פטור מליתן הגט, דמעולם לא נתחייב בנתינת הגט אם זה גורם לו פסידא שלא כדין, ופשוט.

ומכל שכן בנדון דידן דמעולם לא תבעה האשה את בעלה לדין תורה - שהרי לא שלחה אליו הזמנה לדין תורה, והיא שהתחילה בערכאות אחרי שחזרו למצוא רבנים מתירים, ואכן השיגו מבוקשם והתירו לה ג' רבנים בהחבא בעל פה לילך לערכאות, הרי הכח להתיר איסור ערכאות, וכי מפני שהם שלשה יש להם הכח לעשות כפי חפצם בתורת בית דין, הרי אין בכחם להפקיר ממונו, ומה שוה היתר בית דין כשאין ההיתר מבוסס על אדני הלכה, ובפרט אחרי שהיא הלכה לתבוע תביעות מוגזמות שלא כדין, והיתר ערכאות אין כאן, רק איסור גזילה ומסירה יש כאן, ועל ידי גלגול נתגלגל עוד איסור חמור התלוי בצוארם, איסור אשת איש, שמחמת תביעתה בערכאות יהיה הבעל מוכרח ליתן לה גט כשר עפ"י ערכאות, דעפ"י הלכה הרי זה גט מעושה מאחר שהלכה בערכאות ותבעה בערכאות דברים וממון שאינה מגיעה לה עפ"י דין תורה.

הנה אחריות של כל בית דין הוא להעמיד הדת על תילה, ובמקום זה בכח דהתירא שלהם עלה בידם שפתחו לאחרים הדרך לעשות פירצה בחומת קדושת ישראל, ועוד הוסיפו לעשות חילול השם באופן מבהיל באופן שתולדותיהן כיוצא בהן, לקחו מצות התורה של גירושין כדי לצחק בהבעל ולגזול ממונו - שהשתמשו בחוק גירושין לעשות מגמתם והתוצאה היא איסורים חמורים ממה נפשך, בין אם יתן גט, או לא יתן גט - אם לא יתן הבעל גט תוכל להרויח בערכאות כפי רצונה, ויש כאן איסור גניבה, ואם כן יתן גט - יהי' גט מעושה, והפירצה שעשו הרבנים המתירים, אין לשער שעכשיו ילמדו אחרים לעשות כמותם, ופירותיהם ופירי פירותיהם של מעשיהם רבו מלספור, - נמצא שבגרמת מעשיהם גורמים כל מיני איסורים - איסור אשת איש, וגזילה, ומסירה, והליכה בערכאות.

אמנם האשה אולי לא עשתה כל זאת רק בלא יודעים - בעצת אנשים שלא ידעו בטיב הלכה, ועכשיו כשרואים פרי מעשיהם בגלל שהלכו בדרך עקלקלות, אולי ישובו מדרכם, וטוב להם, וכדברי רבינו יונה בשערי תשובה בשער הרביעי "וסר עונו ברוב גודל כשרון המעשה שהוא בהיפך מן המעשה אשר גואל ואשר חטא בו", ולכן עליהם להקשיב לגדולי המורים בתמימות ולא לחפש קולות שלא עפ"י רוח התורה, ולהפסיק מלשמוע לאנשים המשיאים אותם עצות מתוחכמות שאין רוח חכמים נוחה הימנו, ותצא מערכאות לגמרי לא למחצה לשליש ולרביע, ואז אחרי שתלך לדין תורה או יפשרו הצדדים אחרי יציאתם מערכאות, אז אם יתן הבעל גט מרצונו בלא שום חשש לחץ מערכאות וכדומה, יהיה הגט כשר.

ובאם לא תשמע האשה לדעת תורה ותמשיך תביעותיה בערכאות ויבוא הבעל ליתן גט, דבר זה יהיה בכייה לדורות הן לעצמה, הן לאחרים - שממנה ילמדו אחרים ללכת בדרכיה -, וגם אם תעבור היא או אשה אחרת שתעשה כמעשיה ותנשא לאחר בגט כזה, מלבד איסור אשת איש שעוברת כל ימי חייה, גם בנים שיולדו להם אינם ראויים לבוא בתוך קהל השם ויתערבו הבנים בתוך עם ישראל, השם ישמרנו.

ומעתה צריכים היראים והחרדים לדבר ה 'לעמוד על המשמר לראות שלא יתערבו נשים האלו שהולכים בערכאות בתוך קהל ישראל ועל הרבנים מוטלת החובה לבדוק כל אשה גרושה אם נעשה הגט ע"י רב שאינו יודע בטיב גיטין וקדושין, ובפרט מגיטין שנעשה על פי רבנים כאלו שיהא צריך בדיקה על כל גט שעשו, לברר אם הגט כשר עפ"י הלכה, שלא יהיה נפרץ חומת קדושת ישראל וד"ל.