As I have noted, Tamar Epstein has declared that she is freed from her marriage to Aharon Friedman - despite not having received a Get. The only basis for such a claim according to the view of Rav Moshe Feinstin - is only if her husband had a pre-existing condition - that she was unaware of - that no normal woman would be able to put up with and that she left immediately upon discovering this condition. All three conditions must be met for a valid annulment.
The following words of Tamar are part of the court record and were shown to the Baltimore beis din and have been acknowledged as valid by Tamar Epstein. She said she wrote them shortly before she abandoned Aharon taking their child to live with her parents. I challenge anyone to find any evidence that she viewed that Aharon had a pre-existing condition such as severe mental or physical illness which she had been unaware of and that she viewed living with him something no normal woman would be able to do.
It is clear that she decided that despite having at least a minimally acceptable marriage - which could be significantly improved through therapy - she didn't want to invest the time and energy because she thought she could do better. No competent and unbiased rabbinical authority would annul such a marriage. Thus she is still married to Aharon Friedman
==================transcipt of Tamar's document============
-Flexibility ability to go with the flow in whatever situation, ex. at a long Sabbath meal, if company stops by, vacation etc.
-joint decision making/ we are a unit
- put my needs ahead of yours. ex: going to wedding v. coming home, ex: hiking in Israel v. pregnancy
What I'm struggling with:
I love Aharon When I think about being married to Aharon for the rest of my life I feel:
I care about Aharon
I see/know Aharon is trying his efforts are not enough
He needs more direction doesn't go to people for help - relies on me
He insists he doesn't know what to do
He thinks he's doing a good job it's not about small gestures
I regret having married Aharon because
not a mentsch/friendly/midos hakaras hatov [show appreciation]
- mostly not a mentch in Philadelphia - with parents and others
- not friendly
- not interested in other people - doesn't enjoy being with others- likes to be alone
- not mature about certain things when upset/feels pressured into doing things he immature - sulks, passive-aggressive, self-absorbed
- not aware of how comes across - not open [crossed out]
- doesn't seek out help
Me - anxious/stressed when with family when socializing with others - worry about how Aharon feels and will react
in these situations, I wish Aharon was more flexible and easygoing and actually enjoyed people so could be pleasant under ordinary circumstances
disappointed/embarrassed/appalled by behavior - not friendly/mentchlich.polite - i.e., poor etiquette and not interested in changing.
ex: read paper, leave table, doesn't say goodbye etc.
- I want a husband, not a child/ I want to be a wife not a mother
* needs so much handholding/direction/ etc/ - things that I take for granted
- different values child & mother, attitudes towards inlaws, general relationships with people
open home, involved in community vs. priding self on independence doesn't care what others think/feel
- his own insecurities - jealousy of my family
- not picking up on other's cues of annoyance discomfort
- not aware of proper etiquette
- don't feel like we're on the same wavelength
- I don't see that we'' ever resolve certain things: in-laws, what is respectful
- maybe Aharon will just go along with my way
Why I love/like Aharon/what I respect:
-respect: shmiras halashon [wide ranging term meaning does not speak badly about others in any way or curse]
-loyalty - I can trust will always be at my side when crises
-makpid [very careful about] on kashrus [keeping kosher] and davening [praying]
-idealistic - can also be tiresome/absurd
-loving/sweet/ affectionate/gentle to me
-lets me spend money - equal share
-open/honest/real to me
-doesn't pressure me to go back to work
-appreciates me - taking care of baby etc.
my intuition tells me this is wrong; I don't trust my intuition very much anymore because my intuition told me to marry Aharon