Difficulty of knowing how to react to reports of sexual harrassment

Scientific American   “I was sexually harassed for four years,” I admitted to a colleague recently. “That’s awful!” he bellowed in outrage and genuine concern, before he promptly changed the subject. Sexual harassment is an uncomfortable topic to discuss with colleagues, especially when you’re the victim. You’re sharing personal details that they feel they shouldn’t know, and would rather not know. When your usual conversation consists of what you watched on TV last night or what you ate for lunch, it’s TMI to hear about your workmate’s sex life.

On the other hand, we’re so swamped with stories of sexism and sexual harassment that some people have become indifferent to them. Take for example the recent “Twitter shaming”. Adria Richards was at a conference when she overheard two guys making jokes she found to be sexist. She took a photo of the men and tweeted it, along with the conference’s code of conduct that prohibits making “sexist, racist or exclusory jokes.” This incident raised awareness about sexism in the tech world but it also resulted in one of the men and Richards being fired by their respective employers. It seemed to many that the whole issue had gone too far. [...]

Confronted with these stereotypes and influenced by the various forces of social conditioning, we often don’t know how to react to sexual harassment anymore. Here are some of the attitudes and opinions expressed to me, both directly and indirectly, when I began speaking out about my situation.

When they didn’t know the details, some people reacted with concern that was tempered with cautiousness. “Could you be overreacting?” or “Maybe you misread him?” There was suspicion over the delay in reporting the incidents, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” and, “Why did you continue to work with him for so long?” Not observing the harassment was a cause for doubt. “I couldn’t tell there was anything wrong!” Some were prejudiced by their positive personal experiences with the harasser, “I know him. He’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that!” My claims were also dismissed with the old adage that boys will be boys. “It’s a guy thing,” and, “That’s just how men behave.” One man offered a backhanded compliment, “Hey, what guy wouldn’t be interested in you!?”

As often happens in these situations, the blame is shifted to the victim. Like the woman in The Drew Carey Show, the victim may be labeled a prude or “uptight”. She lacks a sense of humor. She’s crazy. She may be portrayed as a troublemaker by the accused and his supporters. To undermine her claims, she might be branded a serial complainer, where sexism and sexual harassment are often confused, “You know, she’s accused other men of sexism before.” The case may be demonized as a witch-hunt, and become a cautionary tale told by those who fear that they too could be branded a “harasser” over the slightest comment or glance. “Watch out, or she’ll accuse you too!” I was held up to scrutiny in this way too. According to gossip about me, I gave him mixed-signals, I led him on, I’m flirtatious, and I’m a dirty little slut.

Alternatively, both the accused and accuser are blamed for the situation. Those who didn’t know the extent of the harassment reacted as though we simply don’t play well together in the sandbox. “Why don’t you two just get over it and move on!” The matter was misconstrued as a lover’s tiff, or that we were a couple in an on again, off again relationship. Others didn’t have time for my problems, “I have my own worries.” One person was surprised that I confided in him, saying, “It’s none of my business.” A number of people commiserated but then moaned, “I’m sick of talking about sexual harassment!” [...]

Schlesinger Twins: BBC interview with Beth Alexander

BBC Manchester radio   [...]BH : Let’s return to more serious and difficult issues. You told me earlier that you were suffering from domestic violence in your marriage, and that got pretty bad. Tell us what happened one particular night when you already had the children.

BA: After the birth things just escalated out of control. In February 2010 things were so bad I actually feared for my life. I fled the apartment and went to a women’s refuge overnight. I came back the next morning hoping and praying that things might have calmed down and we could discuss the situation, but when I got to the apartment my husband had called the police and paramedics. His mother and aunt were there and he was throwing me around. He said “I was going to have had you committed to a mental hospital, you’re a psychopath, you’re a terrible mother, you’re a terrible wife, you’ll never see your children again, nobody will know where you are. I’m not even going to tell anyone that you’re in this mental hospital.” [...]

BH : I think you told me that he set up a psychiatrist over the telephone who decided that you were mad (over the phone)…

BA: A colleague of his, a Jewish psychiatrist, the head of psychiatry at the same hospital where he worked who claimed that yes, this woman is mentally ill and he then came to my apartment and backed up my husband and said “yes, she needs locking away” and then when he was asked by the police doctor “have you ever met this girl, have you actually diagnosed her”, he had to admit that actually “I’m sorry, I’ve never met her in my life, I’ve never even spoken to her, I’ve just heard the allegations of the husband”.

BH : Now, if I can put it crudely, you won this stage of the battle because the police evicted your husband from the marital home and you stayed there with the children for about 18 months and he had supervised contact during that period. [...]

Moroccan royal pardon of pedophile causes violent demonstration

Times of Israel Update Aug 6, 2013   Daniel Galvan Vina, convicted of raping 11 children, picked up after bureaucratic mix-up saw him get nearly a week of freedom

aljazeera.    A demonstration ended in bloodshed and violence on Friday in Morocco when hundreds of protesters gathered outside the parliament in Rabat in a show of outrage over the royal pardoning of a convicted pedophile.

"The police hit everyone really hard. It was really violent," said Houda Chaloun, 32, from Casablanca who was at the demonstration. "I have never seen in the past two years such a violent repression of any kind of gathering," she said in a phone interview.

Last Tuesday, 18 months after his sentencing, 63-year-old Daniel Galvan was pardoned by Moroccan King Mohammed VI. Galvan is one of 48 Spanish prisoners, who were released from custody as a courtesy gesture following the visit of Spanish monarch King Juan Carlos.

According to reports, protests were violently dispersed in several cities in Morocco on Friday evening.

The conviction of Galvan was the result of an unprecedented court decision, validated by Morocco’s Supreme Court: the man accused of abusing 11 children was sentenced to 30 years in prison in a country where sentences against pedophiles have often been minimal.

"The pardon threw away one of the most important court decisions in the history of Morocco," Hamid Krayri, the victim’s lawyer told Al Jazeera. "This man took advantage of vulnerable, poor children and it was the first time a pedophile got such a harsh sentence in Morocco." [...]

Motti Elon: Additional graver allegations of abuse emerge

Times of Israel   One day before the verdict in a sexual assault case against Rabbi Mordechai Elon, one of the most prominent modern Orthodox rabbis of his generation in Israel, a website serving the religious community released a dated recording in which another senior rabbi claimed that the charges brought before the court omitted far graver acts committed by Elon. 

“The victims don’t want to reveal what happened; their wounds are bleeding and they don’t want to stand before a cross examination and be revealed,” said Rabbi Yaakov Ariel of the acts allegedly committed by Rabbi Mordechai Elon. Some of those acts, he said, were “whales” when compared to the charges brought before the court, which he described as “small fish.”

Elon was charged in a Jerusalem Magistrate’s Court with two counts of sexual harassment and sexual assault.

In February one of the alleged victims refused to take the stand and testify against his former teacher, leaving a single complainant remaining and placing the reputation of the religious group that brought the alleged misconduct to light in doubt.

Ariel is a prominent member of the group, Forum Takana, which was founded in 2003 and has attempted to police its own community on matters relating to sexual misconduct. [...]

Speaking to Army Radio on Tuesday morning, Ariel called the publication of the recording on the website Kippa and subsequent articles “a travesty” and said he had intended for the interview to be used only in case it became necessary to further deter Elon and not in order to sway the upcoming verdict.[..]

Molester David Kramer: Court papers for sentencing

David Kramer court papers      KRAMER David  (24 July 2013)

Happiness May Come With Age, Study Says

NY Times    It is inevitable. The muscles weaken. Hearing and vision fade. We get wrinkled and stooped. We can’t run, or even walk, as fast as we used to. We have aches and pains in parts of our bodies we never even noticed before. We get old. 

It sounds miserable, but apparently it is not. A large Gallup poll has found that by almost any measure, people get happier as they get older, and researchers are not sure why. 

“It could be that there are environmental changes,” said Arthur A. Stone, the lead author of a new study based on the survey, “or it could be psychological changes about the way we view the world, or it could even be biological — for example brain chemistry or endocrine changes.”[...]

The results, published online May 17 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, were good news for old people, and for those who are getting old. On the global measure, people start out at age 18 feeling pretty good about themselves, and then, apparently, life begins to throw curve balls. They feel worse and worse until they hit 50. At that point, there is a sharp reversal, and people keep getting happier as they age. By the time they are 85, they are even more satisfied with themselves than they were at 18.[...]

Are Orthodox Feminists the agents of change in the Israeli Orthodox World?

New Republic [...] But Haredi men continued to harass women in Beit Shemesh. Less than a year later, in June 2012, Vered Daniel, an acquaintance of Philipp’s, went shopping in a Haredi neighborhood. In a special effort to respect ultra-Orthodox sensitivities, she wore a long skirt and blouse. Although modest by modern-Orthodox standards, Daniel’s outfit marked her as someone who was clearly not Haredi. When she left her car with her infant daughter in her arms, Haredi men screamed at her for dressing immodestly and spat on her. Alarmed, Daniel ran back to her car, locking herself and her baby inside as the mob battered the vehicle with sticks and stones, shattering a window.

For Philipp, the attack on Daniel was “beyond the beyond.” “Attacking a mother with a young child in her arms—” recalls Philipp, her eyes filling with tears. “She was completely helpless.” The incident drove her to do something she would previously never have contemplated. Like most Orthodox women, there was little about the word “feminism” that spoke to Philipp. She did not consider herself political. But as tensions grew in Beit Shemesh, she had started to follow the debates in online women’s groups, “deep debates,” she says, “about pluralistic society, tolerance.” It was, she says, “my first real exchange with secular and non-Orthodox Israelis.”

The day after Daniel’s attack, Philipp filed a police complaint over the city’s failure to remove the modesty signs. But then, rightly sensing that this would result in little change, she reached out to a woman from a world completely different than her own. In doing so, she became a pivotal figure in a clash between the ultra-Orthodox and a widening coalition of women to determine the core values of Israeli society. [...]

Haredim have sought to drive “corrupt” elements out of their neighborhoods by making them inhospitable places for those who are not ultra-Orthodox. The victims of this strategy are usually women, whose bodies have become the battleground in what is essentially a religious turf war. And as Philipp and Vered Daniel learned, the harassment can easily become violent. Miriam Friedman Zussman, a modern-Orthodox friend of Philipp’s, says: “I never considered myself a feminist. I didn’t think I had to be. Then suddenly, you start to say, ‘You want me to wear what? You want me to say what? You want my daughter to wear what?’... It’s the boiled frog theory."

And so, for the first time, women like Nili Philipp have started to cross the secular-religious divide. [...]

Nili Philipp had briefly met, and liked, Erez-Likhovski when she had testified before a Knesset committee on religious women’s issues. And when she decided to fight back against the Haredim, it was Erez-Likhovski she called. She knew she was doing something new. Most Israelis would “never think that religious women would align themselves with those radical feminist women from the Reform movement,” says Philipp. “They would just assume we’d be good girls and listen to our rabbis.” [...]

Police complaint made because of intimidation against Waks family for reporting child abuse

Waks Police Complaint 20130516224820 Solo Police Statement update and correction

So to summarise, there were 2 assaults, both reported to the police:

15th of May, 2013, Shavuos; &

Saturday August 3, 2013.

 Zephaniah Waks

 

Rabbi Rapoport's clarification regarding the Levy abuse case

Rabbi Rapoport just issued a clarification of his widely misunderstood statement regarding the Levy case

My statement about the ‘arbitrariness’ of the age of consent (News, July 26) has been terribly misrepresented. In no way did I intend to minimise the severity of a sexual relationship with someone underage or to defend the perpetrator. On the contrary, I emphasised that even if sexual contact began when Goldsobel was over the legal age of consent, Levy still transgressed Jewish law, it was an ethical misdemeanour and may well have been exploitative. 

Confidential propriety and moral integrity prevent me from providing an adequate explanation for my involvement in this case. However, lest my position be misconstrued as acquiescence to the widespread injustice to abuse victims, I state unequivocally: Sexual predators are a threat to society and must be incarcerated. Those with reasonable suspicion of abuse must inform legal authorities. I condemn those who belittle the plight of victims or ostracise them and show support for their abusers. I applaud and actively assist institutions that support victims.

Rabbi Chaim Rapoport

Abuse in Australlia - Program about the shunning of the Waks family

ABC Radio Australia     ABC Podcast

The Waks family with their 17 children lived across from the Yeshiva, or religious school, in Melbourne's tight-knit Hasidic Jewish community.

When the oldest boy, Manny, was sexually molested by two teachers, the impact on his faith, his family and the community was devastating.

While Manny has lost his faith but not his love of Judaism, his father Zephaniah has lost virtually all his friends in the community as a result of going public.

To bring justice for those who have suffered in silence Manny established Tzedek, a non profit advocacy organisation for Jewish victims of child sexual abuse.

Rabbis who will not acknowledge sexual abuse because of lashon harah

Some correspondence I recently received clearly shows that there are rabbis - perhaps the  majority - who will profess that while they are very concerned about the welfare of children - but it is less important than being makpid on lashon harah.

Summary of correspondence: His Rav claims that allegations read or heard were lashon harah unless charges were first upheld in beis din based on testimony of 2 kosher witnesses. Questioned whether the average person is allowed to read such allegations on a blog such as mine since they don't need to know and thus the lashon harah serves no purpose.

This is the view clearly expressed by  Rav Menashe Klein   Put another way, these rabbis refuse to accept even the existence of abuse unless it can be reported in ways that don't violate the prohibition of lashon harah.

It is critical to realize that the same verse that prohibits lashon harah - also says that one should not stand by when someone is being hurt physically, psychologically or financially. In fact the commentaries - including that of Rav Elchonon Wasserman understand that there is no prohibition of lashon harah in a situation where a person can be saved from harm by speaking about it.

Vayikra (19:16) You shall not go up and down as a slanderer among your people; nor shall you stand against the blood of your neighbor; I am the Lord.

Relevant previous posts:
Rabbi Zwiebel of the Aguda saying lashon harah is a high price to pay to save kids from abuse
Rav Menashe Klein rejects the view of gedolei hador regarding child abuse - requires 2 witnesses and beis din
 ====================In contrast ===================
Rav Moshe Sternbuch saying that prohibition of lashon harah is not justification for not listening to allegations - he cites Rav Chaim Ozer and the Gerrer Rebbe.

Pischei Teshuva - saying not saying lashon harah to save people is worse than lashon harah

Rav Elchonon Wasserman - lashon harah prohibited only if intent to harm others

Rema - 2 kosher witnesses not needed 

Judge orders ex-Penn State executives to trial in abuse coverup

Reuters   Harrisburg District Judge William Wenner, after a two-day preliminary hearing, ordered a criminal trial to be held for the university's former president, Graham Spanier, 65, its former athletic director, Tim Curley, 59, and its former senior vice president Gary Schultz, 63.

Sandusky, 69, a former assistant football coach, was convicted in June 2012 of 45 counts of sexual abuse involving 10 boys. He is serving a sentence of 30 to 60 years in a state prison

A witness central to the prosecution's case, former assistant football coach Mike McQueary, testified on Monday about seeing Sandusky abuse a child in the school's locker room showers in 2001. He testified that the morning following the assault, he told Penn State football coach Joe Paterno what he saw and also told Curley and Schultz. No one told police.

Spanier, Curley, and Schultz are accused of a "conspiracy of silence" for failing to report the shower incident to authorities, which permitted Sandusky to continue preying on boys. He met most of his victims through a charity he founded for at-risk youth. [...]

D.A. Hynes conduct raises Questions of Professional Conduct

NY Times   In search of love and votes, Charles J. Hynes, the Brooklyn district attorney, cannot seem to stop tripping over himself. 

Last week, he went on a television and radio show for the Orthodox Jewish community and denounced Sam Kellner. Bearded and intense, a bubbling fountain of words, Mr. Kellner is one of the rare few in the Hasidic community who spoke publicly about the plague of child sexual abuse. He helped the district attorney build cases against prominent Hasidic leaders, including a man accused of molesting Mr. Kellner’s own 16-year-old son. 

Or at least Mr. Kellner spoke until Brooklyn prosecutors turned around two years ago and charged him with trying to extort his son’s accused abuser, the Satmar cantor Baruch Lebovits.

The weakness of the case against Mr. Kellner is difficult to overstate. On Monday in State Supreme Court, Mr. Hynes’s prosecutors pleaded for more time to reinvestigate their rapidly disintegrating case. 

None of which appeared to have given pause to Mr. Hynes. “I believe there was a substantial effort by Mr. Kellner to gain money by making up stories,” he told the host of the program, Zev Brenner, last week. “I think we have a substantial case.” 

It appears Mr. Hynes, who often emphasizes the management experience he has accumulated over many decades, has violated the state’s rules of professional conduct, which prohibit prosecutors from offering “any opinion as to the guilt or innocence of a suspect” in a criminal matter.[...]

Mondrowitz beaten up in Jerusalem by vigilante

Algemeiner   Avrohom Mondrowitz, a notorious fake rabbi and child psychologist who fled US arrest warrants for child molestation in 1984, was attacked and beaten by an unknown vigilante assailant last week in Jerusalem, according to cellphone video footage of the incident released exclusively to The Algemeiner.

“Isaac,” a 22-year old American studying in Jerusalem who recorded the scene, asked that his full name not be used and that his voice be altered in the footage.

The cameraman said he did not know the identity of the assailant nor was he, personally, someone who typically resorted to violence, but the frustrating circumstances surrounding Mondrowitz’s continued freedom from hundreds of accusers made this an occasion where “vigilante justice could be justified.”

Isaac, originally from the New York area, said that he was neither a victim of child abuse nor an activist, but knew many people who had suffered abuse and felt “someone has to do something,” and that he had to “speak up.”