The story begins in Russia where both sets of grandparents lived before coming to America. I think a lot of my brother’s personality came from my mothers’s mother Freida Drazen. She was a person of strong beliefs, very confident a natural leader and totally dedicated to what she viewed as Truth. She was also a strong Zionist and was president of her Pioneer Women organization. She lived not far from Yeshiva Ner Yisroel and my bother often visited her with his friends and would spend much time in friendly though heated debates. She was the anchor of yiddishkeit for the family. She had received a set of Mishnayos in Russian for an engagement present. This was eventually given to me. She would often tell my brother “I have forgotten more Torah than you have learned.” He was also strongly influence by our father who was trained as a physicist but worked for the Navy Department as an expert in batteries – in particular submarine batteries. He received many patents and was given the highest honor the navy had for civilians for improving submarine range and underwater operation – this was before atomic submarines. He was also obsessed with not only doing the right thing but also everything had to be understood and not be done for social pressure. While he was disappointed that my brother didn’t go to YU on a full scholarship he fully supported his desire to go to Lakewood instead. When my brother decided to go every Shabbos to the Malin brother’s yeshiva in Washington he supported him. My mother was also very supportive. Even after my father was niftar and Rav Aharon told him to go home and help support the family, she told him to stay at Lakewood and continue learning. After Rav Aharon’s passing she supported his going to Morocco where he learned in a small yeshiva in the Atlas mountains. He left it when the Rosh yeshiva decided he would be a good husband for his daughter
My brother was born in Washington D.C. As the first born he naturally got a lot of attention, He grew up as a talented and very intelligent American. He was handsome, athletic, academically successful as well as a talented piano player. He was also a natural leader and got along with everyone. He had many friends. However he was willing to sacrifice his obvious bright future to leave the American idea of Judaism for what he saw was the more authentic European form as represented by the Malin Brothers.
He ended up going to Chofetz Chaim yeshiva in Baltimore where he was a stand out student, and personality as well as head of student government. He was also a basketball star. Dr Kranzler who was the English principal in those days told me that everyone was greatly impressed by my brother and viewed him as a future godol. After Chofetz Chaim he was in Ner Yisroel for two years before he went to Lakewood
Lakewood was a different world. He was no longer the only smart student. In addition Rav Aharon was a European and didn’t coddle his students. My brother often said he spent a lot of time talking to Rav Aharon because he didn’t realize like the other students to be afraid and avoid Rav Aharon. When he had a chiddush he would simply go over and say it. He once went over after a shiur and told Rav Aharon that he didn’t understand it. Rav Aharon reviewed it with him but he still said he didn’t understand it. Reb Aharon tried again but he still didn’t understand it. Rav Aharon simply slapped him. My sister remembers that when he came home for visits from Lakewood she was about 6 andhe would review Rav Aharon's shiur with her
At some point my brother decided his purpose should be to influence others to be frum and he started writing anf publishing pamphlets – such as Dear Robert which he also paid for publication. He told me many times that the reason he could focus on doing what was true was because he was not dependent on others that might get offended. He was not a rosh yeshiva who needed the support of the parents or rich donors. He was basically supported by the efforts of his wife who ran a clothing store in the house.
It is important to note that he didn’t claim the authority to disagree with contemporary poskim and rabbis. However he had no problem saying they were mistaken because he had had a close relation with gedolim of the previous generation such as Rav Aharon, Rav Moshe and Rav Yakov and Rav Eliyashiv and had heard directly from them their views. In addition he was a real talmid chachom. In fact he had gotten strong approbations to his halacha seforim from Rav Yakov and Rav Moshe. In fact he had clear sources for everything he said and did. He was constantly by Rav Moshe and Rav Yaakov. I heard from Rav Wozner of Monsey that there was not a day that his father was not consulted by my brother. He became a major voice for many topics such as not taking money from government programs- especially not by fraud, Not to seek support of politicians who support immorality. He spent much time opposing drafting women into the army. However his major effort involved Gitten and Aguna. I once went with him to see a major posek in Israel. After relating the major halachic concerns about gitten in America. He was told that while the problems obviously existed it was simply an American problem and he would not get involved. When he was writing about gezel Akum (stealing from goyim). He consulted many gedolim. In Israel he went to see a major posek. While waiting, the Gadol’s son asked him why he was wasting his father’s time when he could tell him his father’s views. So he told him the question. The son replied that he had talked to his father many times and his father clearly held that it was permitted. My brother said he would still wait to hear it directly from the father. When he finally got to see the gadol he replied, "I hold it is prohibited but don’t tell anyone this in my name."
It was not simply that my brother collected information from Gedolim but he also had a close relationship with them. I remember when my daughter was born and my wife wanted a beracha from Rav Yakov there was a major problem. Rav Yakov was recuperating from a major stroke and could not even speak. .Nonetheless my brother got me to Rav Yakov. I still remember sitting holding Rav Yakov’s hand while his wife told me to ask for whatever I wanted and she conveyed it to her husband. In addition there were times that these gedolim asked him to serve as an intermediary.
Aside from his community concerns he was a father to a large family of talented and successful community assets as well as being a good husband and son. This was reciprocated. For the last almost 4 years he was hospitalized with a life threatening condition. He was intubated and thus couldn’t speak and had lost the ability to recognize even family. The doctors of course wanted him dead. For the entire period his devoted wife stayed by him day and night and ensured he got the care he needed. He was visited regularly by family.
He often consulted others. For example he had a Rebbe for Kabbala – Rav Shmuel Toledano. Once the famous Maggid of Jerusalem Rav Schwadron visited Monsey. At that time someone had started a business of renting movies. He asked him what should be done since it was obvious that Monsey was not the place for movies. Rav Schwadron replied he didn’t understand the problem. My brother replied that there was a Hashchasa(destructive factor) being introduced into the community. Rav Schwadron than understood the question. ”You mean there is a problem of Hashchasha?” The real issue of hashchasa is yeshivos
My first exposure to the problem of abuse was when he took me to a well known yeshiva for the summer, There was a wild guy there who was constantly beating up the other students. The Rosh yeshiva simply kicked him out of the yeshiva. My brother contacted the boy’s father who said his son was crazy and once even hit his mother in the head with a hammer. My brother went back to the rosh yeshiva and told him it was not a good idea and irresponsible to simply kick the kid out because he was dangerous and that he should take him back on the condition of therapy or he would call the police.
A statement I heard from Rav Diskind, the son in law of Rav Yakov, summarizes my brother very well. He said: ”Our Sages have said that Yiftach in his generation is as Shmuel was in his generation. But woe is it to the person who knew Shmuel.” He obviously wasn’t saying that Yiftach in his time as the head of the Sanhedrin was not to be disrespected since he clearly was not as great as Shmuel. Nor was he saying Yiftach was not as authoritative as Shmuel because he was not as great a Talmid chachom as we see that he sacrificed his daughter. He was saying a more personal point. While we need to respect the contemporary leaders there is no mitzva to be stupid and ignore their short comings. Rav Moshe writes in the Igros Moshe that there are no gedolim today, including himself, that you can’t disagree with what they say. My brother Dovid had the opportunity to get to know the views of the previous generation personally and therefore could not accept blindly the deviations of their successors and in fact protested against the deviations. The family found a large collection of letters he received from Rav Moshe Feinstein written in response to his many questions. My brother knew what the previous gedolim thought and why on a wide range of topics. The haskomas he received clear attest that he understood the views of the gedolim of previous generations. He had heard their responses directly orally or in correspondence. My brother was thus clearly someone who had known Shmuel.
