Rabbeinu Yonah: Make peace with therapist or police?

In a previous post regarding finding source for counseling or therapy to produce shalom bayis in a marriage, the clearest statement seems to be from Rabbeinu Yonah. However after reading it several times I don't think he was talking about what we would call therapy. I think he is describing policeman who can talk as well as they can shoot. In general there seems to be no concern for developing the psychological or emotional relationships within marriage - but simply removing hate and discord in the marriage. The fact that Taanis (22a) talks about clowns making peace - reinforces my point.

Rabbeinu Yonah (Igros Teshuva  #8): The Jewish people are obligated to chose specific men whose task it is to make peace between a man and his wife and between a man and his fellow. These men need to be given the power to force and pressure people concerning peace. These designated men must all be cheerful people who know how to placate and to mollify others and thus make peace. They should not be angry or vicious as it say in Mishlei (15:18) , The angry man stirs up a quarrel. It also says in Mishlei (15:1), The soft answer turns away anger. It says in the Talmud [Taanis 22a] concerning certain people who make peace, We are jesters and we make peace. The Sages said about these men that made peace with joy and a good heart that they were promised that they would get Olam HaBah


Why do you need a source for shalom bayis being therapy?

I think it is obvious. The way you respond to strife in marriage reflects what you think marriage is. What you perceive as malfunction in the relationship tells you what marriage is and what this particular marriage is not accomplishing. The apparent Torah description indicates it is simply a type of alliance for the mutual benefit of both parties and society. However modern understanding is that it is the necessary relationship for emotional and psychological needs and therefore a marriage where both sides fulfill their halachic obligations but isn't fulfilling and emotionally satisfying as well as lacking in love - needs to be fixed or ended. Therefore if all the sources dealing with strife in marriage focus on ending conflict - police actions - then there is no concern for love, affection or psychological issues. Consequently one could conclude these issues are not required by the Torah.

Of course one can say that even though they are not the Torah understand are still relevant. That is because the current conceptualization is ais l'asos - that since we are strongly influenced by the non-Jewish culture we need to have love (Hollywood style), fulfillment etc etc - then it would seem to be fine to now be concerned with them. It is simply a pragmatic reality for our times. It doesn't matter on a practical level what happened in the past. We are simply existing in a transient blip in history and we do what we do for the current needs for the members of our society - not what our ancestors 500 years ago did.

However the corollary of viewing this as a transient emergency measure is that we need to be aware of the ideal - when conditions change. Therefore when we get more control and isolate ourselves from the surrounding cultural atmosphere we should be returning to the Torah understanding - the relationship devoid of emotion and psychological fulfillment. Thus the information is for the future - for knowing the ideal so we can return to it.

But there is another approach as to why this question is important. This is the view which is expressed by Rav Tzadok. He holds that the Torah view evolves or progresses for the better. He says we do in fact learn and incorporate ideas from the goyim. Rav Tzadok notes our job is to sanctify these innovations. Therefore the ideal is looking forward and disgarding the past references which are no longer appropriate or allowed. According to this view if a husband insists on following the view of Chazal and Rishonim in this area - he is seriously derelict in his duty. Similarly a wife can't view herself as a baby machine whose job description is described entirely by behavioral requirements and she doesn't need to show love and affection. In other words you can't go back and you fail miserably in Avoda HaShem by trying.

In short this question is a major probe into the essence of what marriage is and what it needs to accomplish. 

Understanding Tzniut by Rav Y Henkin - review in JPost

JPost   Understanding Tzniut: Modern Controversies in the Jewish Community, written by Yehuda Henkin, former rabbi of the Beit She'an Valley and author of the Bnei Banim compilation of halachic responsa, provides a framework for understanding religious communities' attempts to bundle up, segregate and generally desexualize the public sphere. The book, a series of articles published previously in modern Orthodox journals of Jewish law such as Tradition and Hakirah lacks a single cohesive theme. It even includes chapters that have nothing whatsoever to do with tzniut (roughly translated as modest and chaste behavior and dress), such as one titled "After Gush Katif: May One Oppose Israel's Government?" and "A Memorial Day for European Jewry - Did its Rabbis Err?" But the bulk of the book is a discussion of Jewish legal sources dealing with women's dress codes and the mingling of the sexes and how they are implemented by contemporary halachic authorities. Henkin might get too technical and bogged down by the intricacies of Jewish law for the taste of the general reader. But it is precisely here, amid the legalistic nitty-gritty of the centuries-old halachic discourse among rabbis, where Henkin stages his argument against extreme trends in Orthodoxy. His most central argument against the religious community's obsessive preoccupation with tzniut is habituation. Quoting extensive halachic sources, Henkin shows that sexual arousal is culturally dependent. Centuries ago the rabbis understood that in cultures that condoned the free mingling of the sexes, dress codes and strictures against socializing with the opposite sex could be loosened. "Where women walk around in halter tops or less, a short sleeved blouse is minimally provocative and when pornography is rampant, viewing a woman's face is not titillating." Henkin never explains why this is so. Perhaps it is a type of conditioning. If a man is bombarded with sexuality, he gradually loses his sensitivity. His threshold rises. He becomes numbed. Another possibility is that in cultures where speaking with a woman, shaking her hand, seeing her hair is the norm there is no reason to read into these encounters a sexual connotation. The range of platonic relations between men and women widens. Women's dress or behavior is not given a lascivious interpretation by men. Whatever the reason, rabbis have cited habituation as a justification for permitting a number of practices which some halachic sources prohibit. For instance walking behind a woman, inquiring about a married woman's welfare, mixed seating at weddings and being exposed to women's hair during prayer. For Henkin, habituation is a force for potential leniencies in Judaism. In communities and cultures where men and women mingle freely, certain strictures can be abandoned. He is careful to point out that it is forbidden to introduce the mingling of the sexes in communities where it does not already exist. Rather Halacha can only legitimize an existing practice. But Henkin never fully examines the possibility of how habituation could work in the opposite direction to introduce ever more stringent behavior - a phenomenon that exists today.

Rabbis: Control after belatedly admitting abuse exists

Times of Israel  by Dr.  Michael J. Salamon This is about the politics that have led several prominent rabbis to finally admit that they “are late to the table” on the issue of childhood sexual abuse or even any form of interpersonal abuse, despite the fact that the data has been presented to them repeatedly for many years. This is also about the missing apologies to the victims, their advocates and their therapists who struggled with their patients and their patients’ many crises. This is about the vilification heaped on those who tried to create an environment for healing but were told that their efforts were misdirected. It is also about those who are just now coming to the table but still insist in an offhanded fashion of having the final say as to what may or may not be reported and to whom to report.

Let’s start with this last point. The law in all situations is clear – if you reasonably suspect that someone is being abused you are required to report that fact to the proper authorities. You do not have the right to “think about it”, do your own investigating or discuss it with another individual, no matter the brilliance of that other person or their training. Approximately one in four women are abused and one in eight to ten men are.The longer you wait to report the abuse the more time available to the abuser to continue his destruction. For those who doubt this fact just check out the Jerry Sandusky case. Excuses were made, he was not properly reported. We now know for a fact that this former football coach abused at least ten young boys, the ones who came forward to testify against him, but he likely abused many more. The argument that false reporting causes more harm is itself simply false. Sure there have been cases and situations where there is false reporting and of course there are occasions when a false report can result in harm to certain individuals, we may look at one or two of them in a few weeks, but this is significantly less likely when trained professionals who work in this area exclusively are notified immediately. It gives the abuser and his or her supporters less time to cover up their actions. It prevents abusers from coercing their community into protecting them as seems to be the situation in the Weberman case – you can easily look that case up as well. [...]

I also have folders filled with E mails from Rabbis and other clerics who insist that abuse does not occur in their communities, at least not at the same rate as in the general population. But it does. In fact, it may be more likely to occur in sequestered communities as abusers know the reluctance of the community to report situations to people they consider outsiders. There is also the concern of the “forbidden fruit” phenomenon in societies that restrict appropriate gender socialization. In these files are accusations hurled at me for: not telling the truth, bringing attention to situations that should be kept within the community, that I am a fool for believing any of it, and misinterpreting the information. Such are the politics of blame, misdirected blame.

How much has actually changed? Only time will tell. And it may take a lot more time. When you tell me that you are late to the table but you now see that it is a real problem, but you still have the pressing need to continue to flaunt or deliberately not follow the law you are not yet being completely honest.

The Presidential Debate, Justin Timberlake, & the Book of Isaiah

Five Towns Jewish Times by  Yair Hoffman

Some people call it Karma.  Jews call it Mida K’Neged Midah.  And the average American calls it, “What goes around comes around.”  This last expression was recently adapted into a song by Justin Timberlake.

Whatever it is called, however, the over 60 million Americans who were tuned into the presidential debates in Boca Raton, Florida on Monday night and paid careful attention were in for the shock of their lives.  What was that shock?  Soon, but first a few verses from the bible.

There is a verse in the book of Isaiah (3:11) “..for what his hands have dealt out shall be done to him…”

There is another verse in Proverbs (26:27),”Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.”

Let’s now go back a week, to last Friday in George Mason University.  According to the Talmud, President Obama committed a major no-no. [...]

Rav M Klein:Criticizes Hanhagos HaBayis (marriage)

Mishneh Halachos (9:311) on Hebrew Books

Review article from Bar Ilan U discussing this teshuva

A devastating critique of a sefer Hanhagos HaBayis (1972) which presented the idea that shalom bayis is solely dependent on the husband and that the wife's behavior is merely an indicator of the husband's spiritual perfection. Rav Klein shows that the Torah sources cited as support for the thesis in fact say just the opposite or are badly distorted by Rabbi Travis. Rav Klein claims that the sefer is a reflection of feminist psychology and explains in detail the errors of the sefer as well as describing the correct view of marriage from Torah sources. The sefer received haskomas from Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky and the Bedatz. The Bar Ilan U review of both the book & Rav  Klein's critiue is I linked to above.

מע"כ החכם המשכיל וכו' הרה"ג ר' צבי דוב טראוויס נ"י מאנסי נ"י. אחדשה"ט בכבוד הראוי לו.

ספרו המכונה הנהגת הבית קבלתי בזמנו ועברתי בו מקופיא ומצאתי בו כמה ענינים שהם לא לפי דעת תורה וההשקפה המקובלת לנו מאבותינו ורבותינו בהנהגת עניני ובניני הבית וגם נגד ההלכה בכמה מקומות האמנם כיון שלא היה אז זמן לעיין יותר אמרתי אולי משגה הוא ולכן לא כתבתי לו שום דבר עד שאתפנה קצת לעיין בו יותר, בינתיים בקרו אצלי כמה בני תורה ומתלמידי הישיבות וסתם בעלי בתים יראי ה' ובקשו ממני לכתוב דעת תורה בענינים אלו שראו בספרו הירוס בחיי המשפחה המקובלת אצלנו, שוב פנו אלי כמה מראשי ישיבות ורבנים ובקשו שאכתוב דעת תורה בענינים אלו כיון שראו בספרו שיכול להזיק ולהכשיל ח"ו בעיקרי התורה וכ"ש לצעירי הצאן אמרתי הגם כי אני טרוד מאד התפניתי לכתוב למע"כ מכתבי זה קצת להודיעו בכמה ענינים שלפענ"ד הם היפוך ההלכה ודעת תורה וההשקפה המקובלת אצל בני ישראל היראים והחרדים לדבר ה' ובהנהגת ביתם זו נשותיהם ולא אוכל להאריך בכל פרט דא"כ הייתי צריך לכתוב ספר חדש אבל מהמיעוט ידון על הכלל כולו ויאמין לי ידידי כי ח"ו אין לי שום כוונה בלתי רצויה כי אינני מכיר את מע"כ ולא דברתי עמו ולא ראיתיו עד הנה ולכן אין לחשדני שיש בזה איזה נגיעה או פגיעה אישית ח"ו לא מיניה ולא מקצתיה אלא למען ה' ותורתו וקדושת וטהרת ישראל וצנועת הבית הנני רואה לחוב להעיר במה שלפענ"ד צריך להעיר ולתקן. ולא פרסמתי הדברים כי חשבתי יותר טוב לכתוב למע"כ ובעצמו יתקן וממילא יהי' בדרך כבוד.

והנה פשוט מאוד שאין לך דבר גדול מלעשות שלום בין איש לאשתו ולא מצינו בכל התורה שהתיר הקדוש ברוך הוא ששמו ימחק אלא כדי לעשות שלום בין איש לאשתו והרמב"ן ז"ל בפ' נשא עה"פ ואת כי שטית כתב וטעם ואת כי שטית כי אין בכל משפטי תורה דבר תלוי בנס זולתי הענין הזה שהוא פלא ונס קבוע שיעשה בישראל בהיותם רובם עושים רצונו של מקום כי חפץ למען צדקו ליסר הנשים שלא תעשינה כיתר העמים ולנקות ישראל מן הממזרות שיהיו ראויים להשרות שכינה בתוכם והכלל שהוא נס וכבוד לישראל ע"ש באריכות, ופשוט דהטעם הוא בזה גם כמש"ל כדי לעשות שלום בין איש לאשתו ומי שיש בידו לעשות שלום ודאי שכרו מרובה מאד, אמנם אין לוותר בשביל השלום על דרך התורה ודרך דת משה בשביל זה והרי קיי"ל העוברת על דת משה יוציא ויתן כתובה ועיקר השקאת סוטה היתה לברר שלא נטמאה ואם נטמאה קבלה עונשה המגיע לה וכן פשוט דבכל שאר ענינים נמי ח"ו אין לנו לוותר על מצוות וחיובי תורתינו הקדושה ודת משה ומנהגי ישראל בדרכי הצניעות וקדושה בשביל ובכדי לעשות שלום בית ואם האשה או הבעל לא יסכימו לשלום ולדור ביחד רק באופן שהוא או היא יפסיקו לקיים מצוות ה' או דת משה או לשנותם לפי רצונם עליהם אמר הכתוב גרש לץ ויצא מדון ובגמ' כתובות ע"ב חשב במשנה אלו יוצאות שלא בכתובה ואחת העוברת על דת משה ויהודית ונפסק להלכה ברמב"ם פכ"ד מה"א ובש"ע א"ע סי' קט"ו ע"ש באריכות.

שו"ת משנה הלכות חלק ט סימן שיא

והנה עיינתי בספרו הנ"ל ודפדפתי בו וראיתי שרובו ככולו בנוי על שיטות המדעים החילונים הנקרא (סייקאלאדזשי בלע"ז) הגם כי שכל את ידיו בהקדמת הספר וכתב שכל דבריו והיסודות בנויים על פוסקים גמרות מדרשות, אמנם הרואה יראה למעשה אינו כן ואדרבה מתחלתו ועד סופו על פי רוב אם לא על הכלל כולו הוא היפוך דרך המסורה ושיטת חכמי המשנה והתלמוד ראשונים ואחרונים מפרשי התורה ונושאי דגלה וברוב מקומות הוא כותב גם נגד ההלכה המפורשת מבעלי הש"ע ונושאי כליהם, וכ"ש שהוא היפוך מדרכי הצניעות והפרישות והקדושה לפי מה שביארו לנו בזה חכמי האמת בעלי המסורה והקבלה האמתית מפי צדיקי אמת גאונים וחכמים שהם בנויים על תורת אמת על הפסוק קדושים תהיו ודרשו חז"ל קדש עצמך במותר לך שהוא מצות עשה ועיין רמב"ן עה"ת ריש קדושים דיש נבל ברשות התורה מלבד שהרבה דברים הם נגד ההגיון האנושי כאשר דברו אתי גם מבעלי האומנות (סייקאלאדזשי בלע"ז) שאמרו ג"כ שהוא נגד הגיון האנושי אפילו לפי הבנתם. עכ"פ רוב הדברים נבנו על יסוד חכמי האומות הנ"ל והיפוך דעת תורה כאשר אי"ה אבאר להלן.

ובאמת כי כן ראיתי גם בהסכמת ידי"נ הגאון הצדיק המפורסם מרן ר' יעקב קאמינעצקי שליט"א ראש ישיבת תו"ד שכתב וז"ל ואף על פי שאין לי ידיעה בחכמה זו וכו', ודקדקתי מה כוונתו שאין לו ידיעה בחכמה זו דאם כל דבריו בנויים על חכמת התורה כמבואר בספרים והלא מוחזקני בהגאון הנ"ל שליט"א שהוא בקי בכל חדרי תורה וא"כ מה זה שאמר שאיני בקי בחכמה זו אבל פשוט דבכיון כתב שאין לו ידיעה בחכמה זו שהיא חכמה שיצאה מבטן אחר ולא חכמת התורה והוא מה שקורין (סייקאלאדזשי) ולכן שפיר כתב שאין לו ידיעה בחכמה זו שהרי לא למד הגאון שליט"א בחכמת האומות ובבתי ספר שלהם, אלא האומר חכמה יש בעכו"ם תאמין ולכן כתב חכמה זו אבל פשוט שאם יש בזה ניגוד לתורתינו הקדושה ח"ו לסמוך עליה ואין להאמין, והגאון שליט"א סמך עצמו על מע"כ שמכירו שכוונתו לטובת הכלל ועוסק בחכמה זו ודאי יעשה כפי הראוי וע"פ התורה וא"כ כיון שלא כתב ע"פ התורה גם הסכמתו אינה כלום. גם בהסכמה שניה שיש לו מהבד"ץ כנראה שלא ראו הספר ועצם הענינים שהרי כתבו הם בהסכמה רק שהוגד להם בשבח שהגיע להם ע"י כתבים אבל לא ראו עצם הענינים אמנם על זה לא אוכל לדון כי לא ידעתי בבירור ולכן לא אחליט עד שיתברר לי. 

Rest of teshuva on Hebrew Books Mishneh Halachos (9:311) on Hebrew Books

Don't feed Internet trolls: Stopping the lynch mob

Time Magazine  It was a bad week for Internet trolls. News of the tragic suicide of 16-year-old Canadian Amanda Todd after an ugly incident of stalking, bullying and blackmail hit just as Reddit’s biggest troll, responsible for numerous highly offensive postings in sections with names like “rape bait,” was finally outed. Both stories involved nonconsensual distribution of sexualized images of young girls. [...]

So why do trolls do what they do? Clearly, we have an Internet culture that enables them [...] For one, trolls benefit from the lack of face-to-face interaction on the Web, which allows them to say outrageous things that would get them ostracized or even beaten if said in the real world. For people who are relatively isolated and feel powerless in their ordinary lives — as Brutsch appears to be — the Net provides a world where they can wield power and influence others.

Unlike most real-world bullies, trolls online can find a large ready-made audience that consistently encourages them, without any negative consequences [...] The anonymity of trolling for trouble on the Internet, however, may bring out a particular type of pathological behavior. In full-fledged psychopathy, there is a physical fearlessness that’s lacking in trolls. “They don’t act up in everyday life because they are frightened of sanctions,” says Dutton. “They’re nasty cowards, but when you get them on the Web, that fearlessness doesn’t matter anymore because there are no consequences. That’s the kind of person being unlocked here.”[...]Like other bullies, trolls also need to get a rise out of their victims if they are to enjoy the interaction. That’s why “don’t feed the trolls” is a constant admonition on many comment boards: their biggest fear is being disregarded and made irrelevant.

Shalom Bayis:Where is source for counseling?

I have just gone through a number of gemoras dealing with the damage that that comes from having a bad wife. Not one of them suggest going to a rav or chachom or even working on the issue. The solution given is simply to get divorced.

Shabbos (11a): All evil is bearable but not a bad wife

Yevamos(63b) Raba said: [If one has] a bad wife it is a meritorious act to divorce her, for it is said, Cast out the scoffer, and contention will go out; yea, strife and shame will cease.  

Yevamos (63b): Raba further stated: A bad wife, the amount of whose kethubah is large, [should be given] a rival at her side; as people say, By her partner rather than by a thorn

 Yevamos (63b): A bad wife is a plague to her husband. What remedy has he? Let him give her a letter of divorce and be healed of his plague 

 The case of erasing G-d's name in the case of Sotah would seem to be a support. However  it seems that the law of Sotah is  unique and not meant to be generalized. 

 ======================================

My simple therefore question is: What is the source of the shalom bayis with the meaning of counseling.

Why do you need a source for shalom bayis being therapy?

I think it is obvious. The way you respond to strife in marriage reflects what you think marriage is. What you perceive as malfunction in the relationship tells you what marriage is and what this particular marriage is not accomplishing. The apparent Torah description indicates it is simply a type of alliance for the mutual benefit of both parties and society. However modern understanding is that it is the necessary relationship for emotional and psychological needs and therefore a marriage where both sides fulfill their halachic obligations but isn't fulfilling and emotionally satisfying as well as lacking in love - needs to be fixed or ended. Therefore if all the sources dealing with strife in marriage focus on ending conflict - police actions - then there is no concern for love, affection or psychological issues. Consequently one could conclude these issues are not required by the Torah.

Of course one can say that even though they are not the Torah understand are still relevant. That is because the current conceptualization is ais l'asos - that since we are strongly influenced by the non-Jewish culture we need to have love (Hollywood style), fulfillment etc etc - then it would seem to be fine to now be concerned with them. It is simply a pragmatic reality for our times. It doesn't matter on a practical level what happened in the past. We are simply existing in a transient blip in history and we do what we do for the current needs for the members of our society - not what our ancestors 500 years ago did.

However the corollary of viewing this as a transient emergency measure is that we need to be aware of the ideal - when conditions change. Therefore when we get more control and isolate ourselves from the surrounding cultural atmosphere we should be returning to the Torah understanding - the relationship devoid of emotion and psychological fulfillment. Thus the information is for the future - for knowing the ideal so we can return to it.

But there is another approach as to why this question is important. This is the view which is expressed by Rav Tzadok. He holds that the Torah view evolves or progresses for the better. He says we do in fact learn and incorporate ideas from the goyim. Rav Tzadok notes our job is to sanctify these innovations. Therefore the ideal is looking forward and disgarding the past references which are no longer appropriate or allowed. According to this view if a husband insists on following the view of Chazal and Rishonim in this area - he is seriously derelict in his duty. Similarly a wife can't view herself as a baby machine whose job description is described entirely by behavioral requirements and she doesn't need to show love and affection. In other words you can't go back and you fail miserably in Avoda HaShem by trying.

In short this question is a major probe into the essence of what marriage is and what it needs to accomplish. 

Psychological & emotional abuse: A A of Pediatrics

Psychological Maltreatment Published online July 30, 2012 Pediatrics Vol. 130 No. 2 August 1, 2012 pp. 372 -378 (doi: 10.1542/peds.2012-1552)

by Roberta Hibbard, MD,Jane Barlow, DPhil, Harriet MacMillan, MD, andthe Committee on Child Abuse and Neglect and AMERICAN ACADEMY OF CHILD AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHIATRY, Child Maltreatment and Violence Committee

Abstract

Psychological or emotional maltreatment of children may be the most challenging and prevalent form of child abuse and neglect. Caregiver behaviors include acts of omission (ignoring need for social interactions) or commission (spurning, terrorizing); may be verbal or nonverbal, active or passive, and with or without intent to harm; and negatively affect the child’s cognitive, social, emotional, and/or physical development. Psychological maltreatment has been linked with disorders of attachment, developmental and educational problems, socialization problems, disruptive behavior, and later psychopathology.[...]

Chassidim discover that Shabbos Goy is a Jew

Arutz Sheva The Seret-Vizhnitz Chassidic community in Haifa was shocked to discover this week that the man who for years had served as the local “Sabbath gentile” was in fact Jewish.

The Ladaat website, which revealed the story, reported that the man in question is of Romanian origin and himself believed that he and his entire family were Christian.

He worked for one of the Chassidic community’s institutions, and helped many people by performing activities prohibited to Jews on the Sabbath. A “Sabbath gentile” may assist in certain types of prohibited Sabbath labor.

Rav Gestetner: No need for heter 100 rabbis - minority view?

I posted a letter from Rav Gestetner in July 2012 regarding a dispute between Rav Gestetner and Rav Shlomo Miller. At that time the claim was the Rav Gestetner was out on the fringe etc without support from major poskim. The following was sent me today which seems to give an entirely different picture. If anyone has the original letter from Rav Miller I would like to add it to this post.

Just added two important letters 1) from my brother and 2) a letter from sent by Rav Knopfler of the Bedatz of Lakewood

Daas Torah July 2012 Remarry without heter 100 Rabbonim?

R Golderberger Support Letters

Get Me'usa: Rav Rosenberg

As a consequence of the increasingly large number of gittin that are invalid according to the Torah, and are causing adulterous relations and increasing numbers of mamzerim, we are publicizing the problem in a letter from a beis din which clearly states the halacha

Concerning get me’usa (get which is invalid because of improper pressure on the husband)

It is a clear and unambiguous halacha that a get with is given because of force  - that is not authorized by the Torah – is invalid according the Torah. Therefore a woman who turns with various claims against her husband which are invalid according to the Torah such as monetary claims, maintainance, division of property etc., and in exchange for dropping the demands the husband agrees to giver her a get  - that get is categorized as one that is suspected of being invalid because of unauthorized force as is explained in Piskei Teshuva (E.H. 134:1) based on the Rashbatz. Similarly coercing a get by means of physical force against the husband or threats of imprisonment – also invalidate the get as is explicitly stated in the Rashba (2:240) and other Rishonim.

Therefore a woman who receives an invalid get by means of coercing or threatening the husband - in the manner listed above as well as other similar pressures –  is prohibited to remarry and she needs to receive another get.

Rav Chaim:a nebach apikorus is also an apikorus

Someone asked me today regarding the famous statement of Rav Chaim - did he actually act on it? In other words did he examine witnesses at a chasana as to whether they had correct beliefs. Did he refuse to count an ignoramous in a minyan because of mistaken beliefs. I am aware that it is a machlokess - but l'maaseh - what did Rav Chaim do?

Rav Elchonon Wasserman (Explanations of Agados #2): The view of the Rambam is that a person who believes G‑d is physical is a heretic. The Raavad commented: “There are greater and better people than the Rambam who erred in this issue because of mistakenly accepting the literal meaning of verses and agada.” I heard in the name of Rav Chaim Brisker that the Rambam views that there is no such thing as inadvertent heresy. Irrespective of how a person arrives at a mistaken belief, the fact is that he believes something which is heretical. Furthermore, it is impossible to be a member of the Jewish people without proper faith. Rav Chaim used to say that “a nebach apikorus (mistaken heretic) is also a heretic.”

Boy Scout Files Detail Decades of abuse coverups

NYTimes  In August 1981, the father of three Boy Scouts in western Colorado wrote in deep despair to scouting supervisors: a familiar local scout leader, referred to only as Joe, had sexually abused boys in his troop, including the writer’s own sons, and yet was still being allowed to have contact with boys.

Joe had been spotted at a big scout gathering called a Jamboree, the letter said, wearing a leather name tag like all other scoutmasters. “Your assurances that Joe was out of scouting and would have no further contact with scouting have just become meaningless,” he wrote. “Do you care about my distress over watching Joe insidiously get back?”

Regrets and recriminations about how the Boy Scouts of America have policed the ranks of its scoutmasters and other volunteers to guard against sexual predators — and how they have often failed — echo through the thousands of pages of internal documents, police files and newspaper clippings released here on Thursday after a lengthy court battle. The files were put together over a 20-year period in states across the nation on 1,247 men who were accused of abuse between 1965 and 1985, often with multiple victims. The release of the documents creates, for the first time, a public database on specific abuse accusations.   [See also NBC News ]

Get refuser who cheated with man jailed

ynet  They were married for more than five years, raised two children together, and lived a generally happy life until the woman found out that her husband was cheating on her – with a man.

She caught him in the act, immediately filed for a divorce with the Rabbinate, but the man refused to grant her a "get". On Tuesday, 10 years after the case was opened, the Rabbinical Court sent the man to prison – until he gives in.

The court ruled that the two must divorce, and ordered the man to grant his wife a "get". Despite his refusal, for years the judges failed to use their authority to impose sanctions on him in order to receive his consent for a divorce.

The husband, on his part, tried to extort different kinds of concessions from his wife before he agreed to a divorce, including benefits in child visitation arrangements and giving up on damages he had been ordered to pay.

But even after his requests were granted, the man refused to give his wife a divorce.

Child abuse: When do people actually intervene?

The following statements are true and self-evident as well as being supported by the Torah , research in psychology and correspond to observable facts.

While establishing the theory as to why these statement are true is important - there is greater benefit in simply knowing what to do to increase protection of the children

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Conditions people are more likely to intervene to help victim

1 If the facts are clear.

2 If the consequences for not acting are made extremely clear.

3 If there is a secular penalty (mandated reporting) for not reporting.

4 If the destruction caused to a person by being abused is made clear.

5 If the individual is made personally responsible to prevent harm from abuser.

6 If the Torah mandated obligations for dealing with abuse are unambiguously presented by rabbinic authorities.

7 If rabbis, principals or other leaders of an organizations stop insisting that they must be the gatekeepers - even though they are typically unqualified and incompetent in these matters.

8 If people use seichel rather than hide behind halachic reasoning that has no basis in Shulchan Aruch and poskim.

9 If people establish the facts prior to applying halachic barriers such as claiming there is no reality of abuse unless established by two frum adult males.

10 If the Torah mandated consequences for failure to deal with abuse are unambiguously presented.

11 If the operations of the secular authorities are clear, sensitive and effective in dealing with the problem.

12 If the negative consequences are a minimum to innocent family and community members. 13 If the community no longer tries to destroy those that report abuse. 14 If there is community approval and encouragement to deal with abuse. 15 If it is a member of the family - child or grandchild - who is being abused

Are sons more desirable than daughters?

Pele Yoetz (Daughter): I have seen a terrible custom in some places that when a daughter is born that the people make a lot of jokes and ridicule it. One person says, “The cold is great” and another ones say, “The smell is overwhelming”. This type of “humor” is openly expressed until the person who just had a daughter born cannot find a place to hide from those pursuing after him with ridicule and jokes. This custom is totally disgusting to me and they violate the verse in Mishlei (17:5), “One who ridicules the poor has blasphemed his Creator.” That is because it one of the hidden matters as to why G‑d gives sons to whom He wants and daughters to whom he wants. Consequently one who ridicules the birth of a daughter is speaking against G‑d and well as transgressing the serious prohibition against mocking others. But there is something even more stupid and nonsensical than ridiculing the birth of a daughter. There are some insensitive and ignorant people that when their wife gives birth to a son they express love to her and greatly honor her. In contrast if she gives birth to a girl, they avoid her and basically abandon her – not even to see her.  How great must be his wife’s sense of alienation and grief! These are truly foolish people. What does he want from his wife? Did she go to the market to choose to buy him a daughter and not a son?  Furthermore what business does he have criticizing the private decisions of G‑d? Perhaps daughters are better for him then sons because of their mazel and their lot. We have personally witnessed fathers who have rejoiced equally for their daughters and sons and yet their daughters’ portion in life was more blessed than that of sons. Woe is it to the man whose sons’ accomplishments are more appropriate for daughters and even worse than daughters in their ignorance because in fact there are a great number of ignoramuses and true scholars are few. Great are the pains of the father of sons when they don’t make a name for themselves in Torah learning and service of G‑d. In contrast the highest goals for daughters are more readily accomplished since it is primarily to teach them an occupation and proper character.

Bava Basra (16b):A daughter was born to Rav Shimon the son of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi and he was upset because of it. His father tried to comfort him by saying, Increase has come to the world. Bar Kappara said to him, Your father has tried comforting you with a worthless consolation. Because the braissa says, The world can not exist without both males or females and yet happy is he whose children are males and woe is he whose children are females. Similarly the world cannot exist without both spice sellers or tanners, and yet happy is he whose profession is that of a spice seller and woe is he whose professions is that of tanner. On this issue of the value of daughters there is a dispute amongst the Tannaim. It says in Bereishis (24:1), G‑d blessed Avraham with everything [ba-kol]. What is meant by the word “everything”? R’ Meir said it means he was blessed with not having a daughter. R’ Yehuda said it means he was blessed with a daughter. Others (Acherim) say it means that he had a daughter whose name was “everything” (ba-kol).

Bava Basra(141a):  For R. Hisda said: [If a] daughter [is born] first, it is a good sign for the children. Some say, because she rears her brothers; and others say. because the evil eye has no influence over them. R. Hisda said: To me, however, daughters are dearer than sons.

שב שמעתתא (הקדמה ע' כא): ואפשר בזה רמזו בש"ס בבא בתרא ד' קמא ע"א בת תחילה סימן יפה לבנים דרבה לאחהא עפ"י מ"ש באבות כל שיראתו קודמת לחכמתו כו', וכל שחכמתו קודמת ליראת חטאו כוו וזהו בת תחלה היינו היראה סימן יפה לבנים היית תורה דרבי' ילבנהא, דע" י היראה התורה מתקיימת

Pardes Yosef (Bereishis 24:1): The Torah Temima (Bereishis 24:1.6) writes that in Menachos (43b) it states that Rav Meir decreed saying the beracha “Who has not made me a woman” and this is consistent with his view that a daughter is not a blessing. Rabbi Yehuda added that even though a son is a greater blessing than a daughter – that is only for someone who has a son. However someone who has a son also desires to have a daughter. Also the mitzva of having children is fulfilled only by having both a son and daughter. Others (Acherim) added that complete happeniness is only when the children go in the upright path. We know concerning Yitzchok that is says in Bereishis (25:19) that Yitzchok was the son of Avraham and that Avraham had a child Yitzchok. This verse tells you that all the fine qualities that existed in Avraham also existed in Yitzchok. However when it talks about the qualities of the daught the Torah doesn’t mention them. It simply says according to Acherim that the daughters name was ba-chol in the say one would say that a particular person has all the fine qualities. And thus he understands that Avaraham happiness was complete since he had a daughter with all the fine qualities.

Berachos(5b): ‘And that my bed should be placed north and south’. For R. Hama b. R. Hanina said in the name of R. Isaac: Whosoever places his bed north and south will have male children, as it says: And whose belly Thou fillest with Thy treasure, who have sons in plenty. R. Nahman b. Isaac says: His wife also will not miscarry. Here it is written: And whose belly Thou fillest with Thy treasure, and elsewhere it is written: And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold there were twins in her womb. 

Sanhedrin(100b): R. Joseph said: it is also forbidden to read the book of Ben Sira. Abaye said to him: Why so? Shall we say because there is written therein, ...  A daughter is a vain treasure to her father: through anxiety on her account, he cannot sleep at night. As a minor, lest she be seduced; in her majority, lest she play the harlot; as an adult, lest she be not married; if she marries, lest she bear no children; if she grows old, lest she engage in witchcraft!’ But the Rabbis have said the same: The world cannot exist without males and females; happy is he whose children are males, and woe to him whose children are females.

Berachos(60a): Within the first three days a man should pray that the seed should not putrefy; from the third to the fortieth day he should pray that the child should be a male; from the fortieth day to three months he should pray that it should not be a sandal; from three months to six months he should pray that it should not be still-born; from six months to nine months he should pray for a safe delivery.

Nida (31b): R. Isaac citing R. Ammi further stated: As soon as a male comes into the world peace comes into the world, for it is said, Send ye a gift for the ruler of the land [and the Hebrew for] male [is composed of the consonants of the ‘words for] ‘this is a gift’R. Isaac citing16 R. Ammi further stated: When a male comes into the world his provision comes with him, [the Hebrew for] male [zakar, being composed of the consonants of the words for] ‘this is provision [zeh kar]’,for it is written, And he prepared a great provision [kera] for them. A female has nothing with her, [the Hebrew for] female [nekebah] implying ‘she comes with nothing’ [nekiyyah ba'ah]. Unless she demands her food nothing is given to her, for it is written, Demand [nakebah] from me thy wages and I will give it  

Rav Lichtenstein & Culture shock: Calvin & Hobbes

this item appeared in the Jewish Week

Shalom bayis through being unconscious: Adam & Eve

Toldos Yitzchok (Bereishis 2:21): And G‑d caused man to become unconscious [when He made Eve] – This unconscious state [associated with the creation of woman] - hints that man should make himself unconscious when he is in his house and not to be critical and fussy with his wife and household

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תולדות יצחק (בראשית ב:כא): ויפל יי' אלהים תרדמה, רמז שהאדם יעשה עצמו נרדם בביתו, ולא יהיה קפדן עם אשתו ובני ביתו.

Dr. Marc Shapiro:Why frum child abusers are defended

Seforim Blog - footnote 8   There is another theory as to why the sectarian hasidic world in particular has had so many cases of covering up and defending child sex abusers. It is that they simply do not regard these people as so terrible. The evidence for this appears obvious, in that in case of after case we see that they continue to allow sex abusers to teach and refuse to turn them over to the authorities and warn the parent body. Had they caught the rebbe eating at McDonald’s, you can be sure he would have been fired, but not so when it comes to fooling around with kids. The question is why do they have this outlook, and how come they don’t regard child sex abusers as so terrible? Here is a possible answer (which a wise person suggested). Look at where these societies get their information about human nature, the information that they regard as authentic and true. It does not come from modern psychology, but from Torah sources and folk beliefs. If you look only at traditional rabbinic literature, you won’t conclude that child sex abuse is as terrible as modern society views it. Yes, it is a sin and the person who commits it must repent as he must do with all sins, but there is nothing in the traditional literature that speaks to the great trauma suffered by the victim. How do we know about this trauma? Only from modern psychology and the testimony of the victims. Yet this type of evidence does not have much significance in the insular hasidic world (unless it is your own child who has been abused). Certainly modern psychology, which is often attacked by figures in that community, is not given much credence, especially not when they are confronted with an issur of mesirah. This theory makes a lot of sense to me and I am curious to hear what others have to say.

This issue was discussed two years ago here

15,000 chareidi youth getting draft notices

Haaretz   Over the next few weeks, the Israel Defense Forces will send out draft notices to some 15,000 Haredi youths aged 17-19, requiring them to show up for interviews. The IDF does not intend on drafting them immediately, but simply means to have them follow the standard recruitment process required before military service. The regular enlistment process usually takes up to a year. The IDF has taken the step after the High Court of Justice invalidated the "Tal Law" governing the enlistment of the ultra-Orthodox. The change took effect in August. 

At the same time that the army is requiring all Haredi men to enter the regular recruitment process, it is also continuing its preparations to establish a number of new battalions to accept Haredi men as combat soldiers, similar to the existing Netzah Yehuda "Nahal Haredi" battalion.

Senior IDF officers and Defense Ministry officials presented the plan to implement a Haredi draft on Sunday, at a meeting with Defense Minister Ehud Barak. Barak will present the plan this morning to the Knesset Foreign Affairs and Defense Committee. The plan is an attempt to find a middle ground in the wake of the cancellation of the Tal Law, in the expectation that it will be only temporary and that after the coming elections and the establishment of a new government, there will be a serious attempt to legislate a new law governing Haredi draft deferrals, seeing as how the High Court threw out the old arrangements.

Hebrew U study: 13.75 million Jews in the world

YNet   The global Jewish population reached 13.75 million in the past year, with an increase of 88,000 people, a study by Hebrew University Professor Sergio DellaPergola reveals.

According to the study, one out of every 514 people in the world is Jewish, less than 0.2% of mankind.

About 43% of the world’s Jewish community lives in Israel, making Israel the country with the largest Jewish population.

The Israeli Jewish population stands at 5,978,600, up 1.8%; the Arab population numbers at 1,636,600, up 2.4%; and the rest of the population including Christians and non-Jews reached 318,000 people, up 1.3%. Israel’s Jewish population makes up 75% of the state’s total people.

Rav Sternbuch:Problem of Get Me'usa in America

The following is my hasty unauthorized translation. Don't rely on it alone for practical halacha.

ב' מרחשון תשנ"ט

I was asked regarding a get which Rav X from Monsey gave to his wife. We want to emphasize that we only heard from one side i.e., that husband. However in matters of issur it is sufficient regarding assertions which are related with some sort of justification to arouse serious concerns that the Get is invalid as a Get Me’usa (forced get) and that it was given in error. Furthermore we have received letters from roshei yeshiva and gedolei Torah from America that verify the husband’s assertions. In their view there is a serious probability that the Get is invalid as we mentioned. Consequently there is no concern for the Cherem of Rabbeinu Tam that prohibits questioning a get given by a recognized beis din – since this isn’t simply a vague questioning of the validity of the Get as we explain. Therefore we call on the gedolei poskim in American not to get involved in this matter that they have heard about and assumed was correctly decided. There is the presumption that the Jewish people will not commit the crime of permitting the wife to remarry without a thorough clarification of what we mentioned and a true determination made of the din. In the matter which is before us, the husband does not want to leave his wife an agunah. He in fact is prepared to give a Get according to the law of the Torah. He simply is requesting his rights according to the Torah. They demanded from the husband that he falsely sign that he has no reservations regarding the Get and he are giving it whole heartedly. In addition they utilized the fact that the secular law always believes the wife - even when she is make false claims. Furthermore they utilized the fact that the secular law would imprison him based entirely on her false testimony or at least make a harsh judgment against him. It was only out of fear of these possibilities that he gave the get or validated it so that he would be free of improper criminal charges. You should be aware that this sin of permitting a married women to remarry against the halacha is extremely serious and is worse than what was done by the Generation of the Flood as is explained in Kiddushin (13a). And according what we have heard, America is degenerating to a state where anyone who marries a divorcee will need to clarify first which beis din gave her the Get and whether the husband willingly gave it. There is absolutely no concern to the Cherem [of Rabbeinu Tam] of questioning the validity of a Get – since there is clearly a valid basis to be concerned. This is the ruling of the Nodah BeYehuda (E.H. Madura Kamma 88) and other Achronim. The Nodah BeYehuda concludes there that if the beis din uses nidoi to pressure the husband then the beis din itself is in nidoi. Therefore due to the serious nature of this matter we request from the rabbis of America, who are the guardians of Yiddishkeit there, not to allow such a damaging breach. And this request is also directed to the Orthodox battei din that are known as Chareidim and yet they conduct themselves contrary to halacha due to our many sins. And even by silently acquiescing to this violation of halacha they are perpetuating it – chas v’shalom! For now the above words should be sufficient. Therefore I hope that this letter be productive in improving the situation. It will be my reward that I sanctified the Name of Heaven by not allowing revolt against the marriage laws. Gֿ‑d’s holy Torah will be perpetuated as well as His Will.

R' Pinto's wife attempts suicide after arrest

JPost   Rivka Pinto, the wife of Rabbi Yoshiyahu Pinto, one of Israel's most influential rabbis, attempted suicide by taking an overdose of pills at the couple's Ashdod home on Sunday, while police investigators interrogated her husband on suspicion of money laundering and bribing a senior police officer.

Pinto was lightly hurt and taken by Magen David Adom paramedics for treatment to the Sheba Medical Center at Tel Hashomer Hospital, where she was recovering Sunday night.

For additional information YNet   bhol

Teaching teenagers derech eretz in shul

NYTimes   ALIA RAMER, a mother of three from Maplewood, N.J., first noticed the problem when her daughter was just reaching adolescence, the age when many Jewish children celebrate their bar and bat mitzvahs

Parents were dropping their children off at the synagogue, and the kids, unchaperoned, were treating the joint like the mall. Girls were hanging out in the bathroom, sitting on the countertops and texting their friends, while boys were playing tag football in the social hall and sneaking brownies from under the plastic wrap.

These days, the tables have been turned. Jewish communities around the country, horrified by the appalling lack of manners their children display at bar and bat mitzvahs, are increasingly turning to more-formalized training efforts.

At the Hebrew Academy of the Five Towns and Rockaway, a Modern Orthodox day school in Lawrence, N.Y., the school holds weekly academic classes to prepare boys and girls to become bar and bat mitzvah scholars.

But administrators added a separate, in-school program to rehearse the proper etiquette guests should display at these events. The highlight is a mock service in which teachers coach students on how to sit quietly during prayers and listen attentively to remarks made by the rabbi, parents and grandparents. Members of the school staff even make telephone calls to students’ cellphones to prepare them for that eventuality. 

R Amnon Yitzchok:Rav Steinman gave me iPhone heter

YNet   בכירי הרבנים החרדים מחריפים את מאבקם בסמארטפונים, ולאחרונה אף החלו בהטלת סנקציות אישיות על משתמשיהם כדי לבדל אותם מתוך המחנה - אבל יש מי שזה אינו נוגע לו. הרב אמנון יצחק טוען כי הרב החרדי הבכיר אהרון לייב שטיינמן העניק אישור מיוחד לו ולאנשיו להשתמש במכשיר אייפון "לצורך החזרה בתשובה".

הרב אמנון יצחק נדרש לסוגיה באתר ארגונו, "שופר", לאחר שברשתות החברתיות ובאתרי אינטרנט הופצו תמונות שבהן הוא נראה משתמש ב"מכשיר האסור". המחזיר בתשובה הידוע לא חסך בלשונו ואף כינה את אלו המבקרים אותו בעניין "טיפשים", ודימה אותם למי שפוגעים באלוהים.

באתר "שופר" ציטט הרב אמנון יצחק מדברי חז"ל, לפיהם "כל המהרהר אחר רבו, כמהרהר אחר השכינה", ו"איחל" ברמיזה למבקריו עונש משמים, כשהזכיר את החצי הראשון של דברי חכמים "החושד בכשרים – לוקה בגופו".
 

בהתייחסות עניינית לנושא, תחת הכותרת "הבהרה להסיר מכשול ולזות שפתיים", נכתב: "הרב אמנון יצחק שליט"א נגד האייפונים והדומה להם. מה שטפשים שואלים, ולא מדעת, כיצד יש לרב אמנון יצחק אייפון, להווי ידוע שגדול הדור הרב הגאון אהרון לייב שטיינמן שליט"א התיר אישית (...) לרב ולצוותו לצורך החזרה בתשובה להשתמש באייפונים". 

bhol. english      How is it that he who shattered the iPhones, Rabbi Amnon Yitzhak, is himself using the device? • He has an original explanation: "Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman has allowed me to use the iPhone for Teshuva work" 

Shofar website, run by Rabbi Amnon's men released an answer this week:
"Highlights! To remove an obstacle and tongue wagging," said the headline.

"Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak Shlita is against iPhones and similar devices. Fools have asked how Rabbi Amnon Yitzhak has an iPhone?

"Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman personally allowed (the questions asked in this regard by Rabbi Yehuda Leibowitz, shlita), the rabbi and his team to use iPhones for the sake of his Teshuva work."

The end reads: "And anyone doubting his Rabbi is considered doubting the shechina and doubting the righteous…" 

Chasam Sofer: Perek Shira as segula

חתם סופר (פרשת וילך ושבת שובה): שובה ישראל עד ה' אלקים וגו' ובמדרש [ב"ר פ"ד), אמר הקב"ה לראובן אתה פתחת בתשובה תחלה חייך שבן בנן עתיד לפתוח בתשובה תחלה שנאמר בהושע שובה ישראל. ענין התשובה צריך שתהי' עיקרה לעזזוב החטא ולעקור רוע שאור מלבנו, לא יזכר ולא יפקד ולא יעלשה על לב בעולם, לא כמו שאנו עושים מרבים בתהילים ונסברים בבה"כ ואינם שבים מרוע מעלליהם כ"א מוסיפים מע"ט, ואין זה אלא כמי שנתאכסן אצל בעה"ב בדירה סרוחה אין לחן ואין מים כ"א לחם הקלקל מוסרח ומעפש, ובראותו רחוק ממנו הר גדול גבוה תלול מאוד מאוד, ועליו מעין גלים עם כל פרי מאכל הדודאים נתנו ריח טוב מאוד. ואנשים טובים יפים מתעגנים בדשן נפשם, הוא חושק ומאוה לעלות שם גם הוא, ויהי הבעה"ב מתירא שמא ילכו האורחים שמה ולא ישובו עליו עוד, ע"כ פיתם בדבריו שימתינו והוא יביא להם פירות מפרי ההר ההוא ויתענגו פה בביתו ולא יטרחו לעלות ההר ההוא, וכן עשה והביא להם מטוב הארץ ההיא, והוסיף להם יגון ואון על כי בהתערב ריח הפירות הטובים עם ריח בית הכסא ושערי ריח רע הרע מאוד כידוע בטבע, ובהתערב מאכלים מתוקים עם המרים היו מתועבים ומשוקצים ביותר, כן ממש יארע לאנשים המתאכסנים אצל יצה"ר בדירה סורחה שלו, ובפקוח עיניהם בימים האלו ורואים כי רע ומר מאכלם ומשקם אשר שתו ולעו, ורואים הר ה' גבוה ותלול וצדיקים מתענגים מפרי כפיהם ומתאוים לעלות שמה גם המה, והיצה"ר מפתם שיביא להם מאותם הפירות שיאמרו תהלים ומעמדות כל היום וכל הלילה לא ייחשו, ולא עיינו בה' תשובה להרמב"ם שהעיקר תחלה התשובה לקבל עליו ולהעיד עליו הבורא ית"ש שלא ישיוב עוד נמעלליו הרעים, וכ' ר' יומנה שאח"כ שכבר הורגל מבלי לעשות מעשיו [הרעים] כלל יתחיל במע"ט, לא מקודם לזה, כי לא יתקבלו מעשיו הטובים אם יתערבו עם הרעים שבלבו מכ"ש לעיל במשל, וע"ז אמר דוד הע"ה [תהלים ל"ד] מי האיש החפץ חיים, פי' מי הוא אותו האיש אשר יחפוץ בחיים הנצחיים, ויעשה שטות כז שיהיהי' אוהב ימים לראות טוב תחלה ואח"כ ינצור לשונו מרע, וכן לא יעשה אלא תחלה סור מרע ועשה טוב אח"כ, וע"ז כתיב בפ' השבוע והיה לאכול ומצאוהו רעות רבו וצרות ואמר ביום ההוא הלא על כי אין אלהי בקרבי מצאוני הרעות האלה, ואנכי הסתר אסתיר פני וגו' כי פנה אל אלהים אחרים, ואחז"ל [חגיגה ה.] רעות רבות וצרות רעות שנעשו צרות זה לזה מה ניהו זבורא ועקרבה דקשי להאי מעלי להאי, והענין קשה מאד בקרא, שאחר שיכירו ויתודו על עוהם יסתיר פניו וחלילה לו ית', אבל הענין כי המעשה הטוב היותר גדול הוא שיהי' ה' נגד עיניו מיד בל יזוז ממחשבתו שוייתיה' לנגדי תמיד, אמנם זה שייך לחסי'י קודשי עליון, והמעשה היותר הרע ההוא העע"ז ח"ו, והנה בפגעם הרעות והי' לאכול לא נתנו לבם לעקור ע"ז ממחשבתם כ"א לעשות מעשי חסידות של שטות ולומר על כי אין אלהי בקרבי, פי' על שלא חשבתי ה' במחשבתי תמיד מצאוני הרעות האלה שלש אמרתי פרק שירה בכל יום, ובאמת אינו כן, כי אנכי הסתר אסתיר פני על כי פנה אל אלקים אחרים ולא על מניעת מעשה הטוב , וזהו באמת זבורא ועקרבה, תרתי דסתרי לב חורש משבות און ומוסיף מע"ט.

An Arab writes: Arabs are the enemy - not Israel

Arab News I decided to write this article after I saw photos and reports about a starving child in Yemen, a burned ancient Aleppo souk in Syria, the under developed Sinai in Egypt, car bombs in Iraq and the destroyed buildings in Libya. The photos and the reports were shown on the Al-Arabiya network, which is the most watched and respected news outlet in the Middle East.

The common thing among all what I saw is that the destruction and the atrocities are not done by an outside enemy. The starvation, the killings and the destruction in these Arab countries are done by the same hands that are supposed to protect and build the unity of these countries and safeguard the people of these countries. So, the question now is that who is the real enemy of the Arab world?

The Arab world wasted hundreds of billions of dollars and lost tens of thousands of innocent lives fighting Israel, which they considered is their sworn enemy, an enemy whose existence they never recognized. The Arab world has many enemies and Israel should have been at the bottom of the list. The real enemies of the Arab world are corruption, lack of good education, lack of good health care, lack of freedom, lack of respect for the human lives and finally, the Arab world had many dictators who used the Arab-Israeli conflict to suppress their own people.

These dictators’ atrocities against their own people are far worse than all the full-scale Arab-Israeli wars.

In the past, we have talked about why some Israeli soldiers attack and mistreat Palestinians. Also, we saw Israeli planes and tanks attack various Arab countries. But, do these attacks match the current atrocities being committed by some Arab states against their own people. [...]

Finally, if many of the Arab states are in such disarray, then what happened to the Arabs’ sworn enemy (Israel)? Israel now has the most advanced research facilities, top universities and advanced infrastructure. Many Arabs don’t know that the life expectancy of the Palestinians living in Israel is far longer than many Arab states and they enjoy far better political and social freedom than many of their Arab brothers. Even the Palestinians living under Israeli occupation in the West Bank and Gaza Strip enjoy more political and social rights than some places in the Arab World. Wasn’t one of the judges who sent a former Israeli president to jail is an Israeli-Palestinian?[...]