High price of religious defection

Spiegel

The community of ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel is half a million strong and growing. They live in a parallel universe cut off from the modern world in tight-knit communities where everything revolves around religion. Only a few dare to abandon this life -- and the price for doing so is high.

When she left, she left everything behind -- even her name. She no longer wanted to be known as Sarah, the name her parents had given her. She'd felt imprisoned by that name for too long; it made her feel different and subject to laws that others imposed upon her. So, she started her new life with a new name, Mayan, the Hebrew word for "source."[...]

For the times they are a-changin'

Title from Bob Dylan

In the last two days I had conversations with two people who approached me to thank me for my blog and what I am trying to do as well as how I do it. While it was nice to be complemented - neither of them are people who I would have imagined  read my blog. I never would have guessed that they shared my concerns and understanding of what is going on now in the Jewish community.

Both acknowledged that they sense a loss of direction - or even the perception that someone is in charge. That we live in very troubled times and that the scandals are not just accidents but are reflective of a deeper malaise. We need to do something different. Orthodoxy can't continue with patching up the old system - a new direction is needed.

One of them is a gevir who told me that he normally gives money to Toldos Aaron - even though he is Modern Orthodox -  because they have many hungry families who genuinely need assistance. However because of the riots he told the Rebbe that he was canceling his support. He didn't accept the excuse that these were hooligans. He told the Rebbe it was his responsiblity to deal with the hooligans. This is the second gevir I have heard this from.

He also said that while he feels it is important to give tzedaka - but he no longer gives simply because the organization is associated with gedolim or is a major organization. He said that he now uses his tzedaka money to maximize the impact on society. If there are two ways to deal with off the derech kids - he picks the one that is most  efficient and cost effective. He also supports issues that strengthen the society -  not just because someone has a need.

This is probably the most important issue. All major institutions need money. In the past the donors were flattered and given kavod - but they were told that the gedolim would decide what programs were needed and where the money was spent. There is a growing revolt against this with the donors dictating what needs to be done and simply not funding programs that are bloated and unproductive. Funding goes to innovative programs which they see are producing results.

I have been told that despite the failure of the gedolim to condemn tropper  - those organizations that were associated with him have been suffering a large drop in funding. Tropper corrupted through money - the antidote seems to be that the donors have to show the way out of this mess by redirecting and rewarding healthy projects.

Avoiding police in abuse cases: Takana vs R Elon:

JPost

Rabbi Mordechai Elon had sexual relations with male students in the past, a rabbinical forum that works to prevent sexual abuse in the national-religious sector said in a statement on Wednesday

The Takana forum held an emergency meeting Tuesday night to discuss the allegations facing Elon, following an announcement they posted Monday demanding Elon step down from all rabbinical, teaching and community responsibilities, warning he is a threat to the public.

Elon admitted to the acts during the emergency meeting, Rabbi Yuval Cherlow, a member of Takana told Army Radio Wednesday, adding that the rabbi's confession is documented in the forum's protocol.[...]

Abuse Book: Rav Meir Triebitz - Two concepts of yashrus

Instinctual versus acquired ethical knowledge and the irreducible rights and respect for the individual in society: two concepts of “yashrus”  by Rabbi Meir Triebitz

This book is an extensive collection of sources covering all aspects of child abuse as it affects the traditional Jewish community. They range from medical and psychological issues to halachic and theological ones. It presents us with an impressive, almost overwhelming array of facts which open up an entire world which heretofore has remained hidden and obscured to most except to those individuals who have unfortunately been forced to confront its horrible realities.

However the real story told by this book lies behinds its many facts. It is the story of a community which is more and more being forced to confront its very own ethical reality. The ever increasing   revelations of ethical and moral degeneracy seem to have brought about more confusion then resolve. This confusion is furthermore compounded when theological-legal arguments and excuses run contrary to commonsense logic and ethics. More and more people are increasingly feeling the tension of choosing between what they are told is right and what they instinctively believe to be true, or by being forced to choose between the prestige of institutions and the most basic respect for the individual.

The legitimacy of ethical commonsense and the irreducible respect for the rights of the individual is not an import from secular culture but is, in fact, a Torah concept itself whose origin is in Scripture and whose implications and consequences abound not only in the areas of Aggadata but also, if not primarily, in the realm of Halakha. It is to be found in Chazal, the classical commentaries, and in the Shulchan Aruch, the Jewish code of law. The common name given to both of the above concepts is yashrus. The very fact that two seemingly unrelated concepts are referred to by the same name is a clear indication of a deep relationship between the two which we will explore later. For the moment we will first introduce them. The first appears in a verse in Deuteronomy and is discussed in the Sifre. [...]

Bnei Brak is the capital of pedophiles: Refusing to report abuse

English version of article http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3850261,00.html

YNET

קדמן: "בני ברק מכונה בירת הפדופילים"

פרשת ההטרדות המיניות שיוחסו לרב מוטי אלון, מציפה מחדש את הקושי בדיווח על התעללות בקטינים בחברות סגורות. הבוקר פנו לקו הסיוע עשרות גברים נפגעי תקיפה מינית

חשיפת פרשיית המין בה היה מעורב לכאורה הרב מוטי אלון והטענות ל"השתקה" מצד גורמים שונים בחברה הדתית, מציפה מחדש את בעיית היעדר הדיווח על התעללות בילדים בחברות סגורות. "בני ברק זכתה לכינוי 'בירת הפדופילים של ישראל' כי אנשים יודעים שאין שם דיווח", אומרים במועצה לשלום הילד. מנגד טוענים בממסד הדתי כי החומות "דווקא מתחילות ליפול", ומגלגלים את האחריות לרשויות.

בכנס של המועצה לשלום הילד, שנערך אתמול (ב') באוניברסיטת בן-גוריון בבאר-שבע, נחשפו נתונים מדאיגים ולפיהם ממוצע הדיווחים על התעללות בילדים ביישובים חרדים ודתיים נמוך מאוד לעומת הממוצע הארצי. בעוד הממוצע הארצי עומד על 1.8% מקרי התעללות בקרב כלל הילדים, והממוצע ביישובים היהודים עומד על 2.1% - הממוצע ביישובים החרדים והדתיים הוא 0.8% בלבד.

Tropper concedes defeat to Monsey Rabbis

Five Towns Jewish Times

For many Orthodox Jews, it has been a very trying two months.

The confluence of the threefold factors of the shock at the appalling scandal, the silence of those who should not have been silent, and the idea of the acceptance of such lewd behavior by leading Rabbonim was too much for many to stomach.  Thankfully, the issues have been put to rest this past Sunday evening, with the signing of a notarized contract by Leib Tropper.

The results were not, by any means, a foregone conclusion.  The progression of events went as follows:

Last Tuesday afternoon, leading Rabbinic figures in Monsey met.   That meeting was put together by Rabbi Dovid Ribiat and was chaired by one of the most senior Roshei Yeshiva in Monsey,  HaGaon HaRav Moshe Green Shlita, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva D’Monsey. [...]
 ============================================

This is a link to the actual documents tropper signed

Tropper scandal - edited video

This is the link to a purported video of tropper. It has been edited for issues of modesty. It is only for those who still think that the audio recordings were forged and need additional proof. For those who are convinced already - there is no reason to watch it.

I have been requested to remove the link.

It can readily be found by search Youtube

Can a giyores marry a cohen?

Dear Rabbi Eidensohn,

I am writing to seek your advise and your opinion on a situation I find myself in. I am a frum 36 years old woman living in New York. I came here to learn in a seminary and to find a shidduch. I have been looking for three and a half years, the process has been very very very hard and telling on me emotionally. I was very reluctant to go on line but did at the advise of an esteemed and respected rabbi in my community. There I met a very nice man that I am interested in marrying. The problem is that he is a Cohen and I am a convert. I know that this a forbidden marriage but have also learned that if the marriage were to take place it would be valid and the children would be legitimate. I understand as a religious and learned Jew that this in contrary to Torah but our situation is not an easy one.

On his part, he is over 40 and never married and is on the brink of marrying outside, chas v'shalom, since it is very hard for him to find a woman that is halachically permitted to him. Most of the woman offered to him given his age are divorced or not religious that have been with non-Jews. He comes from a traditional family and wants only to marry a religious woman.

On my part, I feel that I can no longer go through countless dates that amount to nothing. If I am contemplating such a thing it is because I look back at the quality of men that has been available to me and it is very hard to say no to this very nice man. Because of my age I get offered divorced men with issues and many children and little money. I have also had to deal with so many men that really really are not serious about marriage even though they go out on shidduchim. Many of the men I have met have seriousmental problems and some have been just very very simple and its hard for me to relate. This past summer I had such a crisis in shidduchim that I felt that I would just drop it all. I have lived a strict haredi life for almost six years now, have davenedand done all the right things but I feel I cannot take this anymore, Iwill be 37 this summer and my fertility is decreasing everyday now.

I want to ask you if it is at all possible to get a heter for such a marriage being that both our situations are very hard.

Racism?: Asian community upset with 'yellow' train line

Los Angeles Times

The "yellow" train line in Atlanta is now going to be called the "gold" line after members of the local Asian community complained that it wasracially insensitive.

The Metro Atlanta RegionalTransit Authority, known as MARTA, announced the change Thursday. MARTArecently renamed its train lines with colors — yellow, red, blue andgreen.

The yellow line went to Doraville in thenortheast suburbs, an area that has a large Asian population. [...]

Rav Moshe Feinstein: Prohibition of social dating

Igros Moshe(E.H. 4:60): Concerning the issue of a young man who is not ready to get married and has no interest in getting married and he is interested in having social dates with young women who also are not ready to get married and have no interest in getting married. They say that since they are careful to avoid the prohibition of yichud (seclusion) there is no prohibition in dating. Even though they know that this is not nice but they say they are not interested in issues of piety and extra measures of modesty and they don’t want to listen to lectures of mussar and rebuke. However they say that they will stop if they hear from me that this is prohibited according to the halacha. Therefore I am forced to respond immediately because this applies to a current activity… There is also a severe prohibition from the Torah in close friendships between a young man and woman. That is even if they avoid hugging and kissing as well as touching and yichud. The problem is that he talks with her for extended times in expressing love and he gets pleasure from this and stares at her. Even according to the Ramban who disagrees with the Rambam and holds this is only a rabbinic prohibition nevertheless agrees that this is a severe prohibition since it has an asmachta from a verse and that it is punished with rabbinic flogging. It is clear that dating is done because of love of women and not because of ordinary friendship since he clearly prefers being with a woman then with male friends. Why is he interested in this woman when it doesn’t give him greater respect or a good name? It is obviously because of love of a woman because she is a woman. In addition even though she is unmarried, she is a nidah which is prohibited with the punishment of kares…

Rav Sternbuch:Preparing for Final Tests before Moshiach

Ex-Marrano Rabbi appointed emissary to Spanish Bnei Anusim community

JPOST

For the first time since the expulsion of Spain’s Jews in 1492, a descendant of Marrano Jewry who immigrated to Israel and received rabbinic ordination will return to Spain to serve as a rabbi.

Rabbi Nissan Ben-Avraham, a resident of Shiloh and father of 12, has been appointed a new emissary to the Marrano (or Bnei Anusim) community of Spain.[...]

Should one's child marry a ger?

Guest post: DK

I write this with a great deal of trepidation.  G-d Forbid that I should cause any more pain to any ger tzedek.

Some personal background.  I am an MO BT, not especially learned, with sons and daughters. 

1.  I have a general concern about any son or daughter marrying a ger tzedek.  What if the ger tzedek decides, two or five or ten years later, not to be Jewish anymore?  What happens to the children?  I realize that a similar issue could arise in the case of a BT or FFB who "falls Off The Derech".

2.  These days, there are people in apparent positions of authority in Klal Yisrael who claim they have the power to retroactively revoke conversions.  As those reading this post who are learned know better than I do, the consequences of such a revocation, particularly in the case of a female ger tzedek whose daughters have already married at the time the revocation occurs, can cause tragedies.  Until this issue is resolved, I would discourage a son from marrying any convert, no matter how much of a bat Yisrael she has become.  The issue is different for a daughter, as her children are Jews according to halacha regardless of who she marries.

[3. There is a also an extra requirement of loving a ger and not distressing a ger - in addition to that which applies to a Jew from birth. This however is a two edge sword. That means that if your husband or wife is a ger and things go well that you get extra reward for loving and not upsetttng them. But if you have on occasion a disagreement then you get punished more. In fact these additional mitzvos were given because a ger is psychologically more apt to be hurt so you also have to treat the spouse with much greater care. This itself can be be  the basis of fights since the attitude of I deserve to treated nicer than you are treating me - is amplified through the additional mitzvos of the Torah. DT ]

In sum, marrying a ger is not the same as marrying someone of a different race or different social class.

Internet bringing about social change

CNN

We witness today, at the beginning of the second decade of the 21st century, one of the most astonishing phenomena of the digital era: the consolidation of the social network, and even more, the empowerment of the worldwide youth thanks to these tools.

All of us certainly have a profile on Facebook or Twitter, and for sure we have seen dozens of videos on YouTube. Some of you only see on these tools the possibility to be connected with your relatives and your closest friends, exchange pictures and publish information about your activities.

But this is only the surface, the tip of the iceberg. What many people ignore is what is emerging underneath. These social media networks, whether we like it or not, are reshaping the way people communicate. [...]