Guest Post By Yaakov
Y. Freedman
There isn’t anyone I know who would argue
that we don’t live in challenging and troubling times in the Jewish community.
Hardly a day goes by that we don’t hear or
read about child abuse, nasty divorce cases, money scandals, and other horrible
stories which bring Chilul Hashem amongst us Jews and the goyim. Connected or
not, it has brought on what seems to be an escalating number of young people
from the Orthodox community who bitterly leave the fold and lose all hope and
desire for a religious life. It then further contributes to terrible
consequences whereby persons of both genders take the next step of leaving the
world. This is both so tragic and sad that it cries out loud for help from all
of us.
You may ask, what can the simple bystander
do? To start with, we must be informed about what’s happening around us despite
the heimishe papers trying to keep a tight lid on anything that casts a
negative light on our communities. Hiding one’s head like an ostrich in the
sand won’t make these reported or unreported problems vanish.
Second, we must be honest with ourselves and
be “don lekav zchus” people who go off the derech or behave different from what
we believe in. We must be willing to try to be “mekarev” people who seem lost
or troubled.
On the positive side, I’m amazed how every
day new kiruv organizations pop up, small and large, who bring a professional
approach to the masses that cannot bring themselves to even identify with
Yiddishkeit in the simplest ways. There are B”H talented individuals in Israel
and in America who have studied effective methods with which to deal with
troubled or unaffilated Jews to try to get them on solid footing and bring them
a meaningful religious life.
It is comforting to see good results coming
from dedicated persons who tirelessly and selfishlessly devote energy and time
to help others in need. But, it seems that it’s not enough to rely on others
alone. We must begin by changing our set ways and think outside the box for the
good of our brothers and sisters.
Which brings me to a letter that was brought
to my attention and which was publicized online. It was sent by a chasidishe
father to his daughter who went off the derech. Did he do the right thing?
Perhaps so. I can’t help but think we could be nearing the time when Eliyahu
Hanavi ushers in a new era of “V’heishiv Lev Avos Al Bonim V’Lev Bonim Al
Avoisom”.
Here’s the
letter from a chassidic dad to his adult OTD daughter.
As I
fasted today, I sat and reflected on what our fast is all about. Why was our
beautiful home in Yerushalayim destroyed? Why did the presence of Hashem leave
us? What did we do to drive ourselves into this long bitter golus?
I
always knew the answer, but I don't think I understood it as well as I do right
now. It was destroyed because we were judgmental of those who did not ACT the
way we wanted them to act.
We
were embarrassed of those who did not DRESS the way that we wanted them to
dress. We looked down at those that did not TALK the way we wanted them to
talk. And our misplaced ego caused us to think that we are better then they
are. This is what caused us to destroy ourselves completely. Without having a
ayin tovah, a favorable and understanding eye on those around us, we are not
deserving of having the divine presence of Hashem live among us. We threw
ourselves out with our self-righteous mindset.
Which
group of us caused the destruction? The ones "on the derech" or the
ones "off the derech"?
On
this I sit and cry... my eyes fill with tears... the epiphany just hit me like
a ton of bricks: It was not the ones wearing the jeans (as an example) that
caused the destruction, rather, it was the ones not wearing jeans who then
looked down upon those who wore the jeans! WE are the ones who destroyed the
beis Hamikdosh and we have not yet corrected our sin! In fact, with Torah and
mitzvos being so strong... we have perhaps even strengthened our sin... we have
taken it to a higher level.
I
look at myself... am I not part of the group who uses our beautiful religion to
look down at others? And if so, am I not the one responsible for our current
exile? What good is my fasting and sitting on a floor if I cannot face the
truth that "I" am currently responsible for this tragedy?!
I now
fully realize that it is not you and your friends who are preventing Moshiach
from coming... it is me and my friends!
I
wrote my own kinniss: Woe is to me for I have repeated and repeated the
original sin that caused the churban! Woe is to me for I have stabbed my own
flesh and blood! Woe is to me for I took the holy Torah that is supposed to be
sweet and peaceful "dirachehuh darchei NOAM vichal nesivosehuh SHALOM"
and I used it to form a dagger which I then used to stab you - and others -
over and over again!!
And
so after a long day of fasting and contemplation, I look back at the way that I
treated you and for this I now sit and cry. My dear sweet beloved Suri !! How
can I ever take back the pain that I caused you? How can I ever repay you for
the smiles and hugs that you so deserved... but didn't get from me because I
was too busy justifying to myself why it is OK for me to look down at you… to
judge you harshly… and to actively destroy the Bais Hamikdosh? How can I give
you back the lost years?
My
dear Suri, a long long long time ago, I looked into the future and dreamed
about the day that you would grow up, mature, learn right from wrong, wake up
from your selfishness and finally come ask me for forgiveness… but after alot
of inner searching... "I" grew up, and "I" matured, and
"I" learned right from wrong, and now "I" finally finally
woke up from MY selfish, haughty, egotistical, judgmental attitude! And now on
this painful day I turn to you and I ask you – no, I BEG you - for
forgiveness!!
I
accept upon myself to shower you with love and affection, with hugs and kisses,
and to do everything in my power to always be there for you through thick and
thin! I pledge to work so so hard to make up for all of the pain that I caused
you. I pledge to never look down at you, your friends, or on ANY JEW ever
again. I am DONE with the negative attitude! I am DONE with being the judge and
jury to another Yid! I am DONE with thinking that I am BETTER than ANY other
Jew in Klal Yisrael. I am DONE being a part of the problem... and I pledge that
as of right this moment... I will become a part of the SOLUTION!!
My
Suri, please open your heart to me... please open your arms to me... hug me,
hold my hand and let us build the beis Hamikdosh together…
What
do you say?
Your
loving Totty
Posted on Facebook – July 26, 2015
By Sarah Miller Gips
Baltimore, Maryland
My
father sent me this letter today... I just wanted to share it, I wish more
people would do things like this. I decided to post this publicly after I shared
it with some people who really needed to see this and it was well received...