Theology and therapy

 I was once consulted by a young lady who had been molested by some frum boys when she was ten. She concealed the event from her parents and became increasingly withdrawn and depressed. As a teenager she tried committing suicide. Had a mental breakdown. Was hospitalized in a mental hospital for several years. Now at the age of 20, she seemed fully recovered, cheerful and productive.

My question to her was, now that it is over why are you coming to me? She replied that she has learned to deal with the horrible memories, the pain and degradation. She has learned to let go of feelings of revenge. She has a single problem left. She had asked a single question to all the rabbis she has consulted, “Why did G-d do this to me?” They all replied with some version of, “G-d always does what is best and for reasons beyond our comprehension felt that you had to be raped.” She said simply, “I can’t accept that G-d is so cruel!” My response was that these rabbis were wrong. That they were providing her with one legitimate view of theology i.e., that all that happens is caused by G-d. But there is an alternative view – that of all the Rishonim.

This view says that one man can harm another man – even though G-d doesn’t want it to happen. This is the view not only of Rishonim but is that expressed in Michtav M’Eliyahu, the Netziv citing the Zohar, it is also the view of the Maharal. Thus I told her, G-d did not want it to happen but He gives free-will to man, He does not stop man from acting. You have suffered greatly but will be compensated in the World to Come. She replied that she could live with such an understanding of G-d, while the other view was totally unacceptable. However other victims receive greater consolation from the original answer. One needs to be sensitive to individual differences.