Saturday, November 23, 2013

Deb Tambor: Reason for alienation from kids - her mental instability or influence of Chassidim?

NY Times    Ms. Tambor, 33, had forsaken the Hasidic Jewish world in which she was raised and married, a decision that undermined her relationship with her children. Her Skver Hasidic sect in Rockland County, N.Y., was concerned that Ms. Tambor’s freer lifestyle might be a subversive influence on the children, and whether it swayed the children to keep their distance and limited her opportunities to visit has become an emotionally charged question in wider Jewish circles. 

Articles in The Forward, The Jewish Week and the online magazine Tablet and on blogs run by Hasidic defectors, like Failed Messiah, have detailed the agonizing challenges facing those who leave the insular world of Hasidim, where dress is austere, the language is Yiddish and religious obligations structure each day. 

Former Hasidim seeking child custody arrangements find that rabbis, community leaders and Orthodox Jewish family therapists line up with money and witnesses behind the Hasidic spouse. Such influence is especially powerful in a place like Rockland, a county near New York City where one-third of the residents are Jewish.  [...]

Even before she divorced and had to work out custody arrangements to see her children, she had a troubled history that included depression and, according to friends, sexual abuse by a relative. But Ms. Tambor’s friends and supporters say her alienation from her children weighed most heavily, and for that they blame her family and the rest of the Hasidic community she left behind.[...]

Yeedle Melber, a cousin of Mr. Dirnfeld, said close family members had told him that Ms. Tambor began to have mental problems several years ago after she was struck by a car. There followed an attempt to take her own life during the marriage and hospitalization for five months at Rockland Psychiatric Center.  [...]

Family Court records are sealed. But an official in the state courts familiar with the Tambor case, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said decisions in the children’s custody were based entirely on Ms. Tambor’s mercurial behavior and the previous suicide attempt. 

“There was a unanimous feeling that the mother was in no shape to get custody or even unsupervised visits,” the official said. “The fact that she tragically took her own life is the clearest indication that what the experts said about her psychiatric problems was right.”[...]

1 comment :

  1. harotzachto vegam yorashto?November 25, 2013 at 4:01 AM

    She nebach has been raped and abused as a child, and intimidated, and bullied to hush it up or else. Such victims have marital difficulties to put it mildly. Many go OTD, on drugs, and many commit suicide. Such a victim that has been victimized twice by these same people who claim to uphold the torah, while she witnesses that all is one big baloney, umah yaaseh haben ubas shelo yechto. Please stop the baloney with car accident, depression veshaar kol minei shtuyot and ligyoines. Her children have been taken away, her neshama has been taken away, she practically has been totally robbed and stripped of her life systematically. Her suicide note attested that it was about her children. There are several dozen of such victims all products from this town, they came to give her last drop of kavod at her levaye, but even that was robbed away from her. When they burned R' Rottenberg, the whole town should have been burned down to the ground. It is an ir hanidachas, cursed by klalla nimretses, vein lo tkone elo goofris vomelach sreifo kol artso, kemahapechas sdom vamoiro. My heart cries for her soul along with klal yisroel, a tayere yidishe neshume azoy tsu tin nebach, like pilegesh begivo, rachmune yatsileini. Uvikhalam al techad es kvoidi ki beapom horgu ish, veyadeni lo shofchu es hadom hazos. You blame everything on her even after death, to whitewash your crimes against humanity, have you no shame? Shoimi shumayim!

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