Rav Yitzchok Isaac Sher: the Importance, nature and holiness of sexual relations

Kuntres Kedushas Yisroel (Introduction): The Ravad wrote in Baal Nefesh at the beginng of Sha'ar HaKedusha, "I wish to write at length and in detail in this section because there is benefit in being expansive. That is because in these matters the majority of people err in their understanding and therefore make mistakes in what they do. Therefore I saw fit to expound on this topic until it becomes simple and clearly understood to all those who are interested."

We see that this genuinely pious person (Ravad) said that he knows that in these matters most people err. Because he is concerned about these people, he wanted to teach them the proper understanding to deal with these matters and the proper conduct to lead a proper life. However in our lowly times, it seems to me the G-d fearing scholars do not know these matters and there are many talmidei chachomim who simply rely on their knowledge based on studying this Sha'aar HaKedusha of the Ravad. However the truth is that the Sha'ar HaKedusha is a closed document for people like us and is not properly understood. The Ravad with his deep understanding thought that his brief words were sufficiently clear for proper understanding and he even apologized in his introduction for being so expansive in this matter. He did this so that what he wrote should be simple and understandable to all those who studied it. However for those who don't have extensive knowledge, these words are often merely unclear allusions which require much elaborations and explanations in order to understand their profoundity properly

After the Ravad (1125-1198) we merited to have the Igros Kodesh attributed to the Ramban (1194-1270). Even though the Ramban saw the words of the Ravad, he nevertheless decided it would be proper to expand the material into 6 chapters. He explained the material in an impressive manner with principles and detail as to what to do. However due to our poor comprehension even the Ramban’s expansions are too terse and they themselves now need to be expanded and clarified. I will try with G-d’s help to explain the depth of his words and remove the difficulties to those who study them that prevent proper understanding.

In the first chapter I will discuss the topic in general – that these issues determine the sanctity of the Chosen Jewish People and whether they are able to be holy to G-d as the Torah says, “You should sanctify yourselves and be holy because I the L-rd am holy. Just as He is holy so should you be holy. Given that the material that man is made of and his nature are the causes of being good or bad based on his temperment and this is determined by the nature of the drop from which he developed – it follows that sexual intercourse of a man and woman is the cause of the holiness of the Jewish people and the holiness of G-d or mundaneness according to the children that are born since they constitute the nation. Therefore we are commanded to sanctify ourselves at the time of intercourse since that is the cause of giving birth to tzadikim who sanctify G-d’s name or evil people who profane G-d’s name. Therefore it is a holy obligation to know what is this sanctification. In explaining this holiness there are five aspects which are explained in these chapters – the nature of intercourse, the appropriate time, the food that is appropriate to eat, the intent and motivation for intercourse and the quality of intercourse. [to be continued]

Vaccination is unquestionably a parental responsiblity: Review article by Rav Bleich

 Rabbi  J. David Bleich Survey of Recent Halakhic Periodical Liturature  Tradition Summer 2015 p55

[...]

Childhood vaccinations are not accompanied by any significant danger. Despite widespread belief to the contrary, autism is not at all associated with M.M.R. inoculation. That misinformation gained currency and became widespread because of a spurious article based upon fraudulent research that appeared in a British medical journal. The principal author's malfeasance was subsequently exposed and his license to practice medicine was revoked. Possible connections between autism and M.M.R vaccine were rigorously investigated and in 2004, in a publication entitled "Immunization Safety Review: Vaccines and Autism," the Institute of Medicine reported that epidemiological evidence failed to establish a causal relationship. Other dangers attendant upon various forms of inoculation are infinitesimal.28 The dangers that do exist are well within the parameters of shomer peta'im as defined by Binyan Zion. For Shem Aryeh and Imrei Shefer they are far below the threshold level requiring even invocation of shomer peta'im. 

Even assuming a higher degree of danger, as earlier argued, a parent is nevertheless charged with assumption of a minimal danger on behalf of a child in order to ward off more serious danger, as evidenced by a father's obligation to teach his sons to swim. 

Nor can the principle of shomer peta'im be invoked to justify assumption of a recognized danger that can be readily averted. That is clearly the import of the statement of R. Moshe Feinstein, Iggerot Moshch, Even ha-Ezer, IV, no. 10, to the effect that, with the development of blood tests to determine whether prospective marriage partners are both carriers of the gene responsible for Tay-Sachs disease, one may no longer rely upon shomer peta'im in assuming the risk of that disease. For precisely the same reason, a danger posed by childhood disease tor which a vaccine is available may not be assumed on the plea of shomer peta'im. That is certainly the import of the statement attributed to the late R. Yosef Shalom Eliashiv to the effect that "failure to immunize would amount to ncgligence.” 29

Perfection of vaccines that immunize against disease results in a situation in which failure to vaccinate is tantamount to willfully exposing oneself to Zi1'liWI ptihim, Once divine providence has made a vaccine safely available, any misfortune resulting from failing to avail oneself of immunization is to be attributed to human negligence rather than to divine decree. Exposure to the disease without immunization is equivalent to exposure to the elements without protection. Allowing a child to be exposed to the ravages of communicable disease is no different from exposing the child to zinim pahim. Any resultant harm is not at the hands of Heaven but is derekh ikesh which the parent bears full responsibility. […]

Vaccination of one's children is unquestionably a parental responsibility." Education of parents in their halakhic responsibilities in light of the overwhelming benefits of vaccination and their resultant voluntary compliance would entirely obviate the quandary forced upon dedicated and well-meaning educators.

28 See the website tor the Center for Disease Control, www.cdc.gov. See also, Alice Park, "How Safe Are Vaccines?" Time Magazine ,inc, June 2, 2008.

29 See Akiva Tatz, Dangerous Disease & Dangerous Therapy in Jewish Medical Ethics, (Southfield, Michigan, 2010), p. 48.

Skulener Rebbe: Consequences of avoiding sex education with bachruim

  Skulener Rebbe Speaks Out

Rabbi Daniel Travis regarding Mishlei 5:19 and Rav Sternbuch's view on Planet X and Moshiach

A yeshiva bachur comments about public discussions of sexuality

Guest post by a Yeshiva Bachur

Relevant to whether these sorts of topics should be discussed publically is the following medrash rabba. 

It's in parshas tazria יט:ג

‎ר' שמואל בר יצחק פתר קריא בפרשיותיה של תורה אע"פ שנראות כאילו הן כעורות ושחורות לאומרן ברבים כגון הלכות זיבה ונגעים נדה ויולדת אמר הקדוש ברוך הוא הרי הן עריבות עלי שנאמר (מלאכי ג) וערבה לה' מנחת יהודה וירושלים וגו' תדע לך שהוא כן שהרי פרשת זב וזבה לא נאמרו כאחת אלא זו בפני עצמה וזו בפ"ע איש איש כי יהיה זב מבשרו ואשה כי יזוב זוב דמה וגו':

This seems to clearly be saying that the attitude of hush hush that we usually have towards these types of "untzniyus" halachos is in fact wrong and just the opposite hashem finds our learning of them most pleasing. So much so that instead of having them all together in the torah he split them up so they'd get "maximum exposure". This reminds me of the gemaras in brachos that say similarly תורה היא וללמוד אני צורך.

So whether or not the a blog is an appropriate place for discussion of these types of issues is a question to debate, but the reaction of some people that these things should only be learnt privately or one on one or with a rav/chassan teacher etc. does not seem to be the approach of chazal.

(Full disclosure I myself am a bachur in yeshiva, but while we wouldn't regularly come across such explicit stuff like what you posted anyone who learns mishnah berurah will eventually get to siman reish mem and anyone who learns Gemara will learn many similar gemaras like the one in shabbos which is probably more explicit than what you posted. And this is besides for what one picks up from just growing up in today's world unless you live in an extremely sheltered community but even there I can tell you many times the parents and rebbeim are living in denial about what their children know. The point is that today if everywhere around we are exposed to these things but when it comes to Torah we suppress them and refuse to talk it sends very bad signals to talmidim. My rebbeim never shied away from discussing these things with us and and one rebbe who I am very close with once told a group of first year bachurim when discussing a similar topic this exact idea."

And I can tell you from personal experience from learning with younger bachurim still in mesivta that not having rebbeim that will talk about these topics with them can have negative consequences.)

Kol tuv and zai gezunt

The Steipler: The correct understanding of the mitzva to love one's wife Igros Kodesh #1

Igros Kodesh (#1): 1) While it is true that asceticism in dealing with the lusts of this world is an important thing [assuming that it is done for the sake of heaven to give pleasure to G-d and not just to be more developed in spirituality] but that is only if it is done after he has already fulfilled is Torah obligations. However if by being ascetic he nullifies the slightest of his Torah obligations then his deeds are credited to the Sitra Acher [evil] - G-d forbid and he doesn’t advance in true spirituality. So even though he views himself as becoming a more elevated being by his asceticism he in fact is burying himself in the grave of pride by considering himself a very spiritual person when in fact his spirituality is seriously defective. And this frequently manifests itself as degradation in that it leads him to committing an actual Torah prohibition and he is not able to restrain himself at all as we know from a actual case where this happened – G-d should preserve us!

Conjugal rights of the wife is a Torah commandment just as serious as eating matzo. And even ignoring it when she is pregnant [when the wife has not truly excused him wholeheartedly from his obligations] makes into a complete sinner. And sins like this which are between two people are not atoned for even by Yom Kippur. He is like a robber or mugger who steals from his wife what is owed to her. This is comparable to killing his wife since it is known that the prime hope of a woman in this world is that she have a husband who loves her. Therefore when she see that he doesn’t love her, it is almost life threatening (pikuach nefesh) because of the great upset and anguish he causes her by making her like a widow while her husband is still alive.

The conjugal obligations of workers is twice a week, for a talmid chachom it is once a week. The Achronim write that in modern times we do not have people who are called talmidei chachomim according to Chazal [that is because in modern times we are not properly careful about not nullifying ourselves from Torah study and there are other reasons], nevertheless the reason why a talmid chachom only has an obligation once a week is because the Torah weakens his physical strength. That reason would therefore apply also a talmid chachom in modern times. However a talmid chachom who knows that he has the strength retains the obligation of having intercourse twice a week. This is how it is explained in the Biur Halacha (O.C. 240). This was the practice of the Chasam Sofer as is known – see the Mishna Berura there. It is also the practise of most talmidei chachomim in modern times ]before they reach old age ] It is obvious that she married with the understanding that her husband would follow the accepted practise. And furthermore the husband is obligated by the kesuba to conduct himself according to normative practise [for those similar to himself]. It is obvious that if he wants to exempt himself by have intercourse only once a week and not twice that this is close to creating a situation of a genuine uncertainty regarding a Torah obligation. Aside from that there is a separate obligation for the husband when he is aware that she desires to have relations – even if she indicates this by very slight hints as is explained in Shulchan Aruch (O.C. 240:1 which is from Pesachim 72 and in a number of other places.

2) The details of sexual intercourse of the mitzva of conjugal obligations are explained in the Siddur of Rav Yaakov Emden in the section of the laws of Shabbos night. It should be studied carefully because these are actual halachic obligations. Because according to the Torah it is prohibited to have intercourse in circumstances where the woman is not interested and therefore it is necessary to get her interested with intimate activities such as hugging and kissing until she is sexual aroused and desires intercourse. Because if this is not done first – it is like placing her before a lion who mauls and eats as is explained in Pesachim (49). [It is a terrible sin to deprive her of her sexual rights even if he is doing it for the sake of piety and asceticism. Taking what belongs to his wife can not be the basis of piety by theft and treating her as a slave]. Furthermore to have sexual intercourse against her will results in having children who are sinners and rejecters of Torah – they are call bnei anusa (children of rape).

A husband who grabs and has intercourse immediately without preliminary intimacy and then separates immediate after ejaculation and leaves her, might think that he is acting like a highly spiritual angel. But in actual truth he has not lowered his lust at all even though he definitely has placated his desires for the time being sine he has in fact obtained full pleasure from this intercourse. In contrast his wife felt no pleasures at all from this abrupt sexual act. In fact she has been hurt and shamed and the tears she sheds in private will not go unanswered. That is because our Sages(Bava Metzia) tell us that the Gate of Tears has not been closed. They say that a man should be very careful with his wife honor because she readily cries. There is no question that such a brutal act arouses Divine judgment against him. Furthermore he does not merit to have Divine help either in spiritual or material issues. And this that he mistakenly thinks he becomes a highly spiritual person by trying to be insensitive to his wife in sexual matters – this is a worthless fantasy and a lie. That is because from sins and transgression, one becomes blemished and spiritually impure – not elevated.

And this is stated in Shulchan Aruch (240:8) that it is done only after his wife is placated and is interested in doing it. Because otherwise it is prohibited to have intercourse without her consent as is explicit there in the Shulchan Aruch (240:3) and as is explained in the Siddur of Rav Yaakov Emden and this is actual Torah halacha. [In particular what is written in Shulchan Aruch (68). We see in Orchos Chaim in the name of Neziros Shimshon who writes that according to the Zohar and the writings of the Arizal – the halacha is in accord with the first explanation [that one should not have intent for the sake of pleasure but only for the sake of doing a mitzva]. However according to the second and third explanations [that they should be dressed during intercourse and that it should be done quickly] the opposite is true and there is a prohibition in doing this according to kabbalah. Nevertheless even according to the view of the Shulchan Aruch this is only if done with the full agreement of the wife. And thus is my understanding.

3) One who is intimate with his wife with hugging and other things for the sake of Heaven because he wants to have mercy on her that she shouldn’t be pained and feel abandoned – this will not cause the slightest weakening of his fear of Heaven or succumbing to lust. The opposite is true – it will bring him to holiness (kedusha) and he will be fulfilling the Torah command of imitating G-d. Just as He is merciful so to you should be merciful. Besides that hugging and kissing or any other act of intimacy is an inherent part of the mitzva of onah (conjugal duties) as is explained by the poskim regarding Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 184:10) concerning the obligation when a man goes on a trip just before the time for his wife’s menstrual period. 

4) While it is true that many talmidei chachomm conduct themselves in an ascetic manner in a number of intimate things – but that is only with the complete agreement of his wife and with her forgiveness with a full heart. And this agreement comes in most cases after it is explained to her that in truth her husband loves her and it is only for the sake of heaven that he is restraining himself. Or alternatively she married someone who is known as a tzadik whose reputation compensates for her loss of intimacy with him. But G-d forbid that the husband should conduct himself as an ascetic when it causes pain to his wife who is dependent upon him and does not forgive him whole heartedly concerning that which he is obligated to do for her.

5) Our Sages (Yevamos 62b) say, One who loves his wife as himself and honors her more than himself…is described by the verse "You should know that you will have peace with your wife…." It is important to note that our Sages are not saying to love one's wife with the natural love that man is attracted to a woman but rather to love her with the love that friends have for each other - as someone he knows and has a covenant with him and that they are partners in many things and each one helps and receives help from the other. In addition the love he feels for her should also come from gratitude. He needs to have the clear image in his mind that if he had not gotten a wife and would have remained alone and isolated - how much suffering and pain he would have from this. But now that he has a wife his life is in place and functioning. The significance of gratitude is immeasurably important. In fact our Sages state in the Mishna Rabbi Eliezer (Chapter 7) that all those who lack gratitude to their fellow men will eventually lack gratitude towards G-d. If you look there you will see how extremely stringent they are in this matter. This type of love is what our Sages say a man is obligated to have towards his wife. And again this love does not come from the lust a man has for a woman at all but from one of the good attributes which he is obligated to have. He needs to have this type of love and feeling towards her when he strives to cause her rejoicing at the time of intercourse and well as before and afterwards. Such a relationship is not disgusting – chas v'shalom – but rather it is a mitzva. In fact he should conduct himself in this manner even if he were not obligated by the Torah and surely now that the Torah does obligated it - as we mentioned before.

Scientist who won’t divorce wife fired from university post

Times of Israel

A scientist who has for years been refusing to divorce his wife was fired from his position at Bar Ilan University over the weekend, after a Jerusalem rabbinical court excommunicated the man and ordered the publication of his name, photo and personal details. 

The Rabbinical High Court of Appeals last week issued a herem – a writ of banishment — against Oded Guez, a physicist at Bar Ilan University, because he had refused to give his wife a divorce, the Ynet news website reported Friday. 

The university said Guez had already been suspended from working at the institute’s physics department a year ago, Haaretz reported. [...]

Suspected cult of Aharon Ramati - which preys on young religious women - re-emerges

update:After talking with people with connections to chinuch in Israel, it is clear that the school is considered a cult and is not an accepted part of Orthodox education. The facts presented by the newpapers was confirmed as accurate.


ynet   Beleaguered families of women who follow rabbi Aharon Ramati find their daughters trapped inside a seminary where they live in squalid conditions. Since all participants are adults, the state currently has little power to intervene

One person who joined the fight in helping the families in their struggle against the seminaryis MK Aliza Lavie (Yesh Atid). She met with parents and appealed to the Ministry of Health to examine the conditions in which the daughters live .

"From the moment I discovered what was going on at the Be’er Miriam (“Miriam’s Well”) seminary headed by Rabbi Aharon Ramati, who attracts many young women, I met many family members and I became aware of the size of the phenomenon," said MK Lavie. "I joined the struggle with the families who have daughters who study there."

"We brought about an investigation and the closure of the place, but unfortunately the activity has recently been started anew in another location. The sad thing is that years ago the senior rabbis - the late Rabbi Ovadia Yosef and Rabbi Shalom Elyashiv - called it a 'dangerous cult' and stated that 'the daughters of Israel must not study with him or go to his location, his branches, or any place under his instruction,' and called for the immediate closure of the institution. "

The Ramati affair exploded a year ago, after many parents filed complaints which suggested Ramati was running a cult. All those girls who came to his seminary came to learn with him, lost touch with families, and became more and more extreme. After examining what was going on, it was revealed that the girls live in a neglected apartment under austere and difficult conditions.

After receiving evidence of the cult, the Jerusalem Police raided Ramati’s apartment and seized computers and documents. Health Ministry officials arrived as well, confiscating edibles that were improperly stored. Ramati himself was arrested and spent several days in custody, and then released on house arrest, but not indicted. [...]

Tetzaveh; Why Is The Mizbeach Left Out by Rabbi Shlomo Pollak

Guest post by Rabbi Shlomo Pollak

All the way at the end of Parshas Tetzaveh, the Torah tells us about the Mizbeach Haketores.....

It wasn't included in Parshas Terumah, where we learn about all the other "keilim" in the Mishkon, and the Mishkon itself...

Parshas Tetzaveh begins with the "Bigdei Kehunah", then we have the karbanos of the "Miluim" and the Karbon Tamid,... 

Only after all that, for the last Parshah in Tetzaveh, does the Torah discuss the Mizbeach HaKetores....

The Ramban and The Sfornu explain....

For questions and comments please email salmahshleima@gmail.com

https://youtu.be/XM3lnK6WFv0

Kaminetsky-Greenblatt Heter: Will Rav Dovid Feinstein throw Aharon Friedman under the bus to save it?

update: Added the Hebrew text of Rav Zilberstein 

We are faced with a very strange situation. A heter was given to Tamar to remarry based on a seriously flawed psychiatric report which was based on conjecture and evidence primarily from the estranged wife - without any input from Aharon Friedman. While it is clear to the majority of rabbis who have seen the evidence that the heter is invalid, that Tamar is still married to Aharon and thus is committing adultery and her future children are mamzerim -  we are facing a new problem.

The matter has been turned over to Rav Dovid Feinstein at the request of Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky - who instigated the heter and was instrumental in obtaining it for the sake of Tamar Epstein - whose family members are prominent backers of his yeshiva.

Rav Dovid Feinstein has been given the task of resolving the matter. He has a narrow mandate - to determine whether the heter can possibly be valid - and thus save the reputation of Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky -  as well as that of Tamar from the status of being an adulteress.

The halachic process is not inherently concerned with truth but procedure. Thus if facts are not established by the testimony of two kosher male witnesses - they don't exist. Or rather they have no halachic significance. A judge only concerns himself with the evidence that he has - not with what he doesn't have.

Therefore the question Rav Dovid Feinstein is looking at is whether on the level of pure halacha - can he accept the reasoning and evidence behind the Kaminetsky-Greenblatt heter.

He has the psak of Rav Greenblatt that given the evidence he had - the case was comparable to those that Rav Moshe Feinstein declared that the marriage was invalid because of kedushei ta'os. Rav Greenblatt acknowledges that he himself did not investigate anything and knows nothing beyond what he has told by the Kaminetskys and the psychiatrist report. He also has been established by both Rav Kaminetsky and Rav Feinstein as a bar samcha. Meaning that the psakim he produces can be presumed to be valid - unless there is clear evidence to the contrary. He has the report by a psychiatrist (let's call him Dr. K) who is a well known psychiatrist with a very impressive background - a recognized expert in the field of psychiatry. The report clearly states that Aharon suffers from 2 incurable personality disorders - both so severe that a normal woman would not put up with him. As Rav Greenblatt has stated - the psychiatrist can be relied upon to be halachically valid - because if he were lying it would damage his professional standing. The fact that it wasn't based on a direct interview is halachically irrelevant since it is from an expert.

Normally the above evidence would be sufficient for a halachically oriented judge to accept the heter. The fact that Rav Feinstein has not told Tamar and Adam to separate until his evaluation is done clearly indicates that Rav Feinstein is starting with the assumption that the heter is good.

Now what role does truth and reality play in this sordid mess. The answer is that halacha doesn't require that it play any role. Rav Dovid Feinstein does not have to concern himself whether Aharon Friedman is crazy. After all, he is not himself a psychiatrist. And even if it is clear in speaking with Aharon that he is not crazy - Rav Feinstein can simply say, "I am not an expert on mental health". Even if Aharon has a psychiatric evaluation that says he is healthy or 6 therapists who say the report is mistaken - Rav Dovid Feinstein can say it doesn't overrule the halachic sufficiency of the report by a known expert. By sticking closely to the question of halachic sufficiency, he can ignore the many troubling facts in this case. He merely needs to find that there is a sufficient halachic basis to the heter - not whether it is true or likely to be true.

Thus if Rav Feinstein takes this very narrow halachic mandate seriously, he can in fact declare the heter to be valid. That saves Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky's reputation and Tamar's new marriage. He can thus sacrifice truth and Aharon Friedman for the seemingly greater good of the Orthodox World without transgressing halacha.

It is only if Rav Feinstein deviates from his mandate and is concerned about truth and the severe injustice done to Aharon Friedman by the lies declaring him to have severe incurable personality disorders will he decide that the heter is false. It is only if Rav Feinstein is bothered by the severe loss of emunas chachomim that this scandal has produced will he take the issue of truth into consideration.

Will Rav Dovid Feinstein chose the minimal sufficient rule of pure halacha and save Rav Kaminetsky and Tamar - or will he chose truth and redeeming the reputation of Aharon Friedman? We will soon know the answer.

 ====================
Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein tells the story of a young wife whose husband beats her severely - but only in the privacy of their home. Obviously there are no witnesses to the abuse which the husband denies. The dayanim say they have no basis to believe her word over his and thus say they can not force or even ask him to give a get.

Her brother than pays two Jews to testify that they saw the husband beating his wife. Based on this false but true testimony the dayan order the husband to give his wife a divorce which he does. Thus we have a Get given by a proper beis din based on the halachically valid testimony of two witnesses. All halachic procedures were complied with.

Can she remarry with this Get that she knows was obtained through false witnesses (who told the truth)?  Rav Eliashiv said no.
 

עלינו לשבח (ויקרא עמוד שי"ז)

מרן הגרי"ש אלישיב לא רצה ,להקל בדיני עדי השקר

ולא תשקרו (י"ט י"א)  

מעשה שהיה באשה שבעלה חיכה אותה ואף אחד לא ידע מכך , לבד מבני הבית. היא התלוננה על כך בבית דין, והדיינים היתרו בו כמה פעמים, אבל הוא המשיך באיוולתו הנוראה.

אחי האשה שידעו גם הם מסיגלה, החליטו לעשות את שלא ייעשה. הם שכרו עדי שקר, שיבואו ויעידו שראו בעיניהם שהבעל מכה את אשתו , למרות שלא ראו , כי כאמור הדברים נעשו בהסתר .

בית הדין חקר את העדים, ולא מצא בעדותם כחל ושרק, ומיד לאחר מכן קיימו הדיינים את שכתוב בשו"ע שבעל שמכה את אשתו כופיו אותו לתת גט.

האשה באה אליי עם הגט בידה, ואומרת לי כן : ברור שעדותם של העדים היא 'נכונה', שכן בעלי חיכה אותי, אבל מאידן אם אני עושה את חשבון נפשי עם הקב"ה, הרי מדובר בעדות שקר ממש וכיוון שבית הדין הסתמך בהחלטתן לכפיית הגט על עדי שקר , אולי הגט פסול ואינני יכולה עתה להינשא ?

הבעל ההרי  יודע אח האמת !

והיה מקום בליבי להתיר לה להינשא, כיוון שההסבר בהיתר לכפיית הגט (למרות שבדרך כלל הגט צריך להינתן בהסכמה), הוא, שאנחנו יוצאים מנקודת הנחה, שכל יהודי רוצה לעשתוב רצון בוראו, אלא שלפעמים 'היצר סוכן בנו', ומפריע לנו בכך, ואם 'נותנים קצת מכות' אזי הכל בא על מקומו בשלום, וזה הפשט ב'כופין'.

ואם כן, בנידון שלנו, רי הבעל יודע את האמת, ובתוך ליבו הוא יודע שמוטל עליו חיוב לתת גט, וממילא נחשב הדבר כאילו נתן מרצון, למרות שכפו זאת עליו.

אבל מרן הגרי"'ש לא הסכים לכך, והורה שםא הגט נין לע סמך עדי שקר, אסור לאשה להינשא. אלא שבמרה כזה, לאחר שהגט כבר בידיה של האשה, אין צורך לבוא אל הבעל ולספר לו שהרב אלישיב אמרשהגט אינו כשר... אפשר לומר לו שכיוון שהגט כבר נמצא ממילא בידיה של האשה, אולי תכתוב עכשיו גט מרצונך, כוי'.

Tetzaveh 76 - Successful Partnerships by Allan Katz

 Guest post by Allan Katz

 

Parashat – Portion of Tetzaveh is a continuation of God's commandment to Moses concerning the tabernacle- Mishkan and deals with the preparation of the oil for the Menorah lamp, the designation of the priests-Kohanim and their priestly clothes and the selection of wise and talented people to make the clothing and the features- components of the Mishkan. In this regard the Torah changes the style of the language – And Now you will command …….'ואתה תצוה. The Or Hachaim asks why was it necessary to introduce these commandments in this way, if God was already busy communicating His instructions concerning the Mishkan to Moshe. He answers – that the words ' ואתה תצוה ' and Now you ( Moses) will command' informs Moses that he will be the one who commands others, the commander-in-chief and the king. Aaron and his sons will be the priests but Moses' children will not inherit his position, they will remain as Levites.

The partnership between Moses and Aaron, Moses – the king and prophet and Aaron, the priest proved to be one of the most successful partnerships of all time. King David in Psalm 133 describes a brotherly love between Moshe and Aaron – 'Behold, how good and pleasant that brothers dwell in unity' הנה מה טוב ומה נעים שבת אחים ביחד The primary reason for this, was that each of them was totally committed to ensuring the success of the other and completely identified with his brother, rejoicing in his success as if it was his own success. Aaron had absolutely no feeling of jealously when his younger brother Moses was chosen above him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. It also meant giving up on ' prophecy' as Moses now became the prophet of the nation. Moses did not want his gaining the leadership to be at his brother's expense, so he kept on refusing to take on the position until God explained to him that ' Aaron is on his way to meet with you and when he sees you, he will rejoice in his heart ' - because of his brother's promotion to be the redeemer of the Israelites. Aaron's noble and generous response was rewarded that as the high Priest he would wear the Breast Plate with the Urim ve Tumim, a parchment with the name of God written on it. The high priest would be the one to ask God answers to questions of national importance. The Urim ve Tumin in a prophetic way caused the individual letters of the tribal names on the Breastplate to light up and provide a hidden answer. Only a heart that was large enough to include all the people of Israel, an understanding , empathic, caring and compassionate heart that helped share and carry other people's burdens and rejoice with them in happy times could wear the Breast plate and interpret the letters correctly using innate divine spirit and prophecy. Aaron had generously given up being the prophet of the nation and for this he was rewarded with being the one to use the Urim ve Tumin.

Moses' reluctance to take on the leadership showed a slight lack of respect and appreciation of God's decision that he was the man for the job. For this, he and his sons lost the privilege of becoming priests and instead Aaron and his sons would become priests. Moshe did not see this as punishment. He identified with Aaron's recognition and promotion as if he was being anointed as high priest. Verse2 in Psalms 133 says – it is like the precious oil upon the head, that ran down upon the beard , even Aaron's beard, that went down to the skirts of his garments. כשמן טוב על הראש יורד על הזקן , זקן אהרון שיורד על פי מידותיו Why is the verse referring to 2 beards? Moshe felt that the oil with which he anointed Aaron and was dripping down Aaron's beard was actually also dripping on his beard itself, as if he was being anointed as the high priest. So were his total identification, joy and happiness when Aaron was designated as high priest. And after the sin of the Golden calf, the privilege of the first born to offer sacrifices was revoked and Moses had to intervene on behalf of Aaron and save him. For not one moment did Moses think that because of Aaron's involvement in the sin of the Golden Calf, the Kehunah- priesthood would be given back to him and his sons. Moses also related to Aarons sons as if they were his own. Moshe and Aaron supportive relationship must be seen in the context of their vision and mission to serve God and be of service to their people.( R' Chaim Smulevitz, Drashot Ha'ran 3 )

In an article on how to create successful and effective partnerships Carl Robinson says that a company must be more than a money –making enterprise if it wishes to survive. The company must have a vision and purpose to be of service to the public, be clear on its values when it comes to business development, delivery of services, giving value to customers above product quality and price and how the members of the company treat each other. It is important to nurture relationships within the partnership because people work together for more than making money. There should be a clear decision making process where problems are solved in a collaborative way, all concerns and perspectives are heard, consensus and mutually satisfying solutions are the goals. The compensation plan should not only reward 'rainmaking' but team work. While each person should have a role in the company, they should also be in sales and marketing business, helping to bring in new business each person according to his own talents and personality. When it is only the sales people who are bringing in the business and new clients, other people in the company get marginalized.

When it comes to religious institutions, especially schools and Yeshivot, internal problems, conflict and the breaking up of partnerships can be traced to a lack of commitment to the values of Moses and Aaron and principles supporting partnership success. Problems include seeing the institution as more of a money making enterprise and a job provider for family members, a lack of a vision and message, not everyone having a vital role, competition, focus on being the chief rather than on teamwork, not working for the success of every staff member and not supporting the autonomy of staff members. Often there are power struggles to gain control between different families or between the staff and the controlling a'mu'tah – association. The worst possible scenario is when students are brought into the fray in order to support the quarreling parties.

As parents and teachers we should be promoting collaboration and cooperation, rather than competition which teaches kids to see others as obstacles to their success. We should teach them that life is about forming partnerships and alliances, whether it is in business, learning or socially and the success of others is something which we rejoice in. Life is about lessening the burdens of others by participating in their struggles, supporting them and also rejoicing in their successes and happy moments, so many more people get a taste and a share in happiness. If businesses need to focus more on a vision and their contribution to society , how much more so do organizations and schools that are non-profit and should be focused on chesed and making a contribution. The family and school are good places to start where not only staff collaborate, but students, staff and parents collaborate and cooperate for the greater good.