החתונה שמסעירה את בני ברק: החתן יישא אשת איש?Is a forced get kosher

Kikar haShabat

אדמו"רים, רבנים, דיינים ועסקנים יושבים על המדוכה בשאלת כשרות נישואין שייערכו הערב בבני-ברק • החתן, המקורב לאדמו"ר מויז'ניץ, אמור ליישא אישה גרושה שבעלה טוען כי מעולם לא גירשה וכי הגט הוצא ממנו בכפייה • שני הצדדים מציגים רבנים ודיינים המצדדים בעמדתם • הסיפור המלא (חרדים, בארץ)

Mendel Epstein: Bad Rabbi: Tales of Extortion and Torture Depict a Divorce Broker's Brutal Grip on the Orthodox Community

Village Voice     This much Abraham Rubin knew: He was lying, blindfolded and handcuffed, in the back of a van. He could feel it winding through the streets. He figured at least three men were in there with him, plus the driver. There was the one who'd stepped out of nowhere and punched him in the face as he walked down 56th Street in Brooklyn's Borough Park neighborhood just a few minutes earlier. And two, maybe three others who'd bull-rushed him and threw him into the van.

"We only want you to be a Jew," one of them said in Yiddish.

The van stopped. Rubin heard a door open and the men getting out. "The rabbi is coming," one said. Then the sound of two or more men climbing in beside him.[...]

In Borough Park, few to'anim were as prominent as Mendel Epstein.

Epstein, now 68, was known to many in the Orthodox Jewish community as a devoted feminist. Stout and bald, with a bushy beard and a steely demeanor, he specialized in divorces. Over three decades he built a reputation for effectively representing women. Says one local rabbi, "He presented himself as a champion for the underdog."

The women who came to Epstein often had a singular problem: Their husbands refused to grant them a get, a document without which an Orthodox Jewish marriage cannot be dissolved. The rule can be traced to the biblical Book of Deuteronomy, and its sway remains stifling: Without a get, a woman who remarries is considered adulterous. Any children fathered by her new husband are illegitimate under Orthodox law and prohibited from marrying within the faith.[...]

"The get is often the last vestige of control that an abusive man has over his wife," says Rabbi Jeremy Stern, director of the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot, a nonprofit advocacy group for chained women. "Agunot are among the most vulnerable members of the Jewish community." [...]

Epstein publicly advocated for women's empowerment. In 1989 he published a book, A Woman's Guide to the Get Process, which advised wives on their religiously sanctioned options when seeking divorce. He wrote columns on the subject for the Jewish Press. Earlier this year, he codified his philosophy, unveiling "The Bill of Rights of a Jewish Wife" in the pages of the 5 Towns. One right states, "A wife must be treated with respect and not be abused. A woman in an abusive relationship has a right to seek a get." Another: "A husband is obligated to honor and respect his wife's parents." A third: "She is entitled to be supported by her husband." [...]

There were some exceptions. In 1997, for example, Neustein met with a woman named Libby. She came from a poor family, Libby said, but her husband was a wealthy, well-known member of the Orthodox community. He was also abusive: When she was six months pregnant, Libby told Neustein, he beat her until she miscarried. Desperate, Libby turned to Mendel Epstein. The rabbi offered one solution: He'd have her husband give her $10,000 if she left the country and promised to keep quiet.[...]

Meanwhile, in a one-room office in Crown Heights, a family therapist named Monty Weinstein was hearing stories, too. Weinstein founded Father's Rights Metro, a nonprofit group that assisted men in custody disputes. Weinstein remembers the first time he heard Epstein's name: In the mid-1980s, an Orthodox Jew approached him with a farfetched tale about how he'd been jumped by thugs and beaten until he agreed to recite the get oath.

"I was skeptical," Weinstein says. "In fact, I didn't believe it. I knew this guy must be a kook."

Several weeks later, though, another man came in with the same story. Then another. Some told of beatings, others of threatening phone calls: Grant the get or you'll be accused of child abuse; grant the get or you'll never see your kids again; grant the get, or else. By the time Weinstein shuttered the nonprofit in 1995, he says, he'd encountered more than a dozen men who'd been assaulted or intimidated over a get. [...]

After years of operating with seeming impunity, Epstein himself wasn't exactly secretive about his unconventional methods. In an interview for the 2011 documentary Women Unchained, the rabbi told of a desperate wife who came to him after her husband took off with their child. "She heard I have an ability to do things outside the normal parameters, outside normal channels," he said.

By the logic Epstein presented, he was a righteous vigilante, defending helpless women who had nowhere else to turn.

"He took advantage of their vulnerability," says Stern, adding that Epstein's motivation was not about advancing women's rights, but about enlarging his own bank account. "A gun for hire," he says.[...]

On November 16 and December 10, 1996, a "Rabbi Wieder" made calls to Belsky. In a transcript of the conversations, translated from Yiddish to English and later filed in court, Belsky describes what he knew about Rubin: "We heard this person is such a rotten animal that there is no equal on this earth." Belsky goes on to explain that he and other rabbis held a tribunal and "the verdict was that there should be compulsion." He stresses that he was not present at the beating but says, "I was in agreement, after many weeks and weeks of consideration and discussing the compulsion itself."

"If he deserves the beatings, then he deserves it," the man masquerading as Wieder responds. "You felt that he deserves it, then good."

"Yes, it's very hard on my heart," Belsky replies. "I don't keep a record, but it was the first time which I have agreed to such a thing." (Belsky, who denied in court having participated in the attack, did not respond to interview requests from the Voice. Neither did his lawyer, Robert Rimberg.) [...]

What's next Rabbi Wallerstein? by Allan Katz

Guest post by   Allan Katz

 

The centrality of Torah study and learning is expressed by Ya'akov's decision to send Yehudah to establish a Beis Hamedrash – a house of learning in Egypt, ahead of the family. It is no wonder that a talk by Rabbi  Wallerstein on Jewish education in the USA aroused so much interest. He said that competition, tests,grades and  homework and that different parts of Torah learning are considered as ' subjects ' and separate disciplines were responsible for kids not accessing and becoming excited about the beauty of the Torah. However there was one big omission in his talk  – how schools handle discipline problems. Many kids are falling through the cracks and are becoming  Lost at School  because of a punitive approach to discipline. Discipline only got a mention in passing  when he said that his father was a marine and he believed that kids should get consequences ( a euphemism for punishments). The question people are asking – what's next Rabbi Wallerstein ?

I am not going to discuss the negative impact on ALL kids, not only the academically weaker ones of competition,tests, grades and homework. I recommend reading the article by Dr Benzion Sorotzkin The Dangers of Rewards and Competition and listening to a short Radio interview of Alfie Kohn on awards and grades He  also briefly discusses the alternatives.

         

Here are some guidelines from Alfie Kohn  based on the best practices of progressive schools, education in Finland and the discipline code being implemented in many schools in the USA and especially in Maine, created by Ross Greene - Collaborative problem solving model  Here, unlike kids at traditional schools who find no value in the learning itself and only study to get a good grade, kids enjoy learning, find value in the learning and are intrinsically motivated to learn.

The Major problem with traditional schools is the learning is driven by extrinsic motivation. The belief  that 'lo lishmah' – extrinsic motivation automatically leads to kids learning 'lishmah -enjoying what they learn, and seeing the value and beauty in it does not help. Discipline is maintained also through ' extrinsic motivation' –' doing to' kids with rewards, punishments and consequences teaching kids to ask ' what will I get ' or 'what will be done to me ' and what's in it for me. Consequences don't help a kid reflect on what type of person I want to be, do my actions reflect my values or how they impact- the consequences  on others.

Discipline

The more focused we are on kids' 'behaviors', the more we end up missing the kids themselves – along with their needs, their lagging skills, motives , reasons or any problems that underlie their actions. Instead of discipline, solve problems in a collaborative way, ' working with kids'. In this way we teach lagging skills, solve problems in a durable way, and  enhance the trust and relationship between the teacher and kid . We also  give the kid the space to engage in an autonomous way in the moral act of restitution and making amends. We help the kid to do  Teshuvah  and  give him a vision for the future .

Assessment  - What replaces Grades and Tests

The more kids are led to focus on how WELL   they are doing in school , the less engaged they will tend to be with WHAT they are doing in school . So for sure they will miss out on the beauty, enjoyment and the intrinsic value of their learning. If the focus is on achievement and performance, rather than the process of learning , then the learning is not about understanding and discovery. Joe Bower said that assessment is not a rubric but a conversation. The kid needs feedback which will improve his learning and a discussion how to go forward.

Jerome Bruner once said that we should try to create an environment where students can  experience   success and failure not as reward and punishment but as information. So Rabbi Wallerstein  is going in the right direction when he recommends a conversation with a kid on a test he brought home. The conversation is in learning, not about grades. But he gets it wrong by talking about 'achievement ' – the positive .Kids need to be taught that mistakes are our friends.We don't make progress in Torah and learning unless we fail. 'Lo omdim ul divrei Torah ud she nechshalim bahem.'  There is no positive or negative.

The best evidence we have of whether we are succeeding as educators comes from observing children's learning rather than from test scores or grades. A teacher said that' I assess my students by looking at their work, by talking with them, by making informal observations on the way. I don't need any means of appraisal outside of my observations and the student's work, which is demonstration enough of their thinking, their growth, their knowledge and their attitudes over time.' It also comes from watching to see whether they continue arguing animatedly about an issue raised in class after the class is over, whether they come home chattering about something they discovered in school, whether they read on their own time. Where interest is sparked, skills are usually acquired. Of course, interest is difficult to quantify, but the solution is not to return to more conventional measuring methods; it is to acknowledge the limits of measurement. The best way to see a kid's progress in Gemorah is by the questions he asks and that we can't test or measure.

A kid can demonstrate his learning through projects, designing experiments for a science fair, writing a play and then giving a performance, making a 'movie' on what is being studied. A student can share and reflect on his work by using a 'portfolio'.

Homework

 Since the research says there are no academic benefits for homework for kids below 15 and only negative effects on the love for learning, the default should be no homework unless the homework is really deemed beneficial to kids.

Teaching

Deborah Meir said that teaching is mostly listening and learning is mostly talking. So kids should do more of the talking than the teachers, and that depends on the how the teacher has managed to engage the kids' interest in the topic and their excitement about learning in general.  Learning should be organized around problems, projects and questions, especially students' questions – not around text books, lists of facts or skills or separate disciplines. Learning becomes multi-disciplinary with all areas of learning connecting to each other.

The 3 C's of  Intrinsic Motivation
When the needs of kids for autonomy, competence and relatedness are supported and kids find meaning and purpose in what they are doing , they become self- determined and intrinsically motivated 

Collaboration- students are connected to their peers within a safe and supportive community of learners ,see their peers as ' learning resources' , and learning is cooperative ( chavrusa) not competitive

Choice – student autonomy is supported by inviting kids to participate in decisions about what they are learning and classroom life. Kids learn to be responsible and make good decisions by making decisions and not by following instructions.

Content – the curriculum should be meaningful, engaging and relevant so sparks student interest and curiosity.

Change is best when done slowly and in a cooperative way. Principals, teachers and parents should always have their long term goals for their kids in mind. If we want to raise G-d fearing kids who are caring and responsible, have a love for learning and feel unconditionally accepted and loved by adults in their lives , we have to help kids focus on WHAT they are doing and not HOW WELL they are doing. In this way they will see the beauty of the Torah and take 'ownership' of their learning.

The Arrival of the Mir Yeshiva Boys from Shanghai – An Interview

5 Towns Jewish Times    by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

Their ordeal is well known and well-documented. Students from the Mir Yeshiva escaped the clutches of the Nazis by a hairsbreadth – and went to Kobe, Japan and then spent the war years in Shanghai, China. But how did these Yeshiva boys arrive in the United States? An 18 year old Sally Cohen (now Mrs. Hirsch) traveled with the Mir Yeshiva from Shanghai to the United States. The ship they traveled on was the SS General M.C. Meigs, a US Navy ship. It departed on January 1st, 1949 and arrived on January 24th, 1949. The Mir students and Miss Cohen traveled third class. She shared her experience with the Five Towns Jewish Times.

YH: Mrs. Hirsch, how did you come in contact with the Mir Yeshiva?

SH: While we were in Shanghai – the Mir students gave classes and taught the local Sefardic Jewish community all sorts of Torah classes. They would teach us in the main Sefardic shul in Shanghai. They were single bochurim and they made us all frummer. One of their names was Rabbi Schechter, another Rabbi Borgen.. I don’t remember all their names anymore but many of them became important Rabbis later on in America.

YH: Are you still in touch with any of them?
SH: I did run into them throughout the years, but there is hardly anyone left anymore.
YH: Where did the Mir boys stay?
SH: In Shanghai they lived in a ghetto called Honque. They would come to the Sefardic community often and they had their own minyan for Maariv later in the Sefardic shul.. They also had all their weddings there during the night.
YH: The Japanese had occupied China at the time?
SH: Yes. All the American Mir bochurim had to wear a big A on their clothing.. The British had to wear a B. They called us Naquni – which meant All foreigners in Japanese.. But the Mir boys were all in the Honque. [...]

Rav Matisyahu Solomon: The machlokes of Israel should not come to America and all gedolim need to be respected

This is an excerpt of the  words of Rav Matisyahu Solomon that were spoken in Lakewood regarding the issue of macholekes of gedolei Torah. It was translated from Yiddish and was published last week in Hapeles - the newspaper of Rav Shmuel Auerbach. His message is that the dispute of gedolim should not spread to America and that all gedolim should be respected and the concern should be for truth and peace. 

The obvious problem is that the gedolim themselves are  not respecting each other. Thus it is difficult to understand how one can respect gedolim that your gadol doesn't respect?

"כמובן שאין הפירוש לעשות שלום מתוך וויתור על דעותיו ועקרונותיו, כל אחד צריך לשמור על יחוידותו ושיטתו, ולעשות את שלו, בדרך שלום. ובכך, למרות שכל אחד ממשיך לדבוק בשיטתו ובאמת שלו, אך בכל זאת עדיין אין בכך סתירה להמשך הקיום המשותף ביניהם בדרך השלום והאחוה. באופנים ובעניינים שאין סתירה ואפשר להסכים ביחד - מסכימים ביחד .ובדברים שיש חילוקי דעות - נחלקים בדעותיהם. והאמת והשלום אהבו". 

בסיום דבריו נשא המשגיח דלייקוווד שליט"א דברים נרגשים על הלקח שעלינו ללמוד מכך : "איני יודע אם צריך לדבר בזה, אך זה בחינה אצלי של 'אוי לי אם אומר, אוי לי אם לא אומר'. יודעים אתם שבא"י במחנה התורה יש שטיקל רעש, ויש חילוקי דעות - ב"ה שזה עדיין לא נכנס בעולם התורה שלנו, וצריך להזהר שזה לא יכנס לעולם התורה שלנו ח"ו." 

"אבל מה שקורה זה דבר שמעולם לא היה בכלל ישראל .אפילו בזמנים של המחלוקות הגדולות, הרי שבעולם התורה היה תמיד נשאר 'האמת והשלום אהבו . אפשר שיהיו חילוקי עדות, אבל כך לבטל אחד את השני באופן כזה ? או אפילו לגעת במי שהיו מקובלים אצלנו כקדושים ויקרים לנו ?"

 "בכל דור היו כמה גדולי תורה שהיו מתבוננים עליהם כלפי מעלה, והיו יודעים כי אסור לגעת בהם, והחילול של לגעת בשמות קדושים, הוא דבר שצריך להזהר ממנו מאד מאד. שהרי קנין דעת תורה הולכת עם מעלת 'מבקשי השם'. הרי קודשא בריך הוא ואורייתא חד הוא! הרי זה תורה של הקב"ה! הלא מדובר בדעת תורה של גדולי תורה ששנים על גבי שנים התייגעו רק בתורה, שדעתם כל כולו תורה. אפילו שהם מחולקים זה על זה, אך לבוא ולעשות מזה זלזול ? - זה שייך לרחוב, איז לזה שייכות לבית מדרש".

"בית שמאי ובית הלל היו תמיד 'פייער' (אש) זה עם זה, אבל היסוד היה ביקוש האמת, היסוד היה למען האמת. היסוד היה שאין כאז 'ניצוח', לא לעשות מזה עניינים של 'למי היכולת לנצח,' 'אני אוחז ממנו ואני ממנו' וכו'"

"יש להיזהר ולהישמר שלא לקבל הלשון הרע והרכילות שמסתובב בחוץ, לא לקבל ולא להתעסק בזה. לדעת שאנו בני תורה, בני תורה הם הבנים של התורה. יש לנו רק את הדרך שהתורה מלמדת אותנו. ואנו הולכים רק בדרך התורה. והתורה אומרת, אם רוצים אתם בבנין בית המקדש - 'והאמת והשלום אהבו'! גם אם יש מחלוקת, בסוף צריך להיות שלום. כל המבט צריך להיות מבט של אמת ושלום!'.

 "הקב"ה יעזור, שכל אחר יוכל וירצה וישאר בשלו, ויחד עם זאת אנו נמשיך להכניע עצמנו לכל גדולי ישראל. זה היה מאן ומעולם דרכם של כלל ישראל, וכך זה צריך להימשך"

Schlesinger Twins: Discovery of source of false rumors about Beth's competence

Jewish Telegraph   TUG-of-love mother Beth Alexander, who is fighting in Austria for custody of her four-year-old twins, now knows the source of the untrue story about her mental health. It was that which led to a court granting her husband custody of Samuel and Benjamin after a flawed psychiatrist’s report concluded that she was incoherent, inarticulate, had disjointed thoughts and was paranoid.

Now Mancunian Beth, 29, who is divorced in Jewish law from her Austrian husband Dr Michael Schlesinger, has confirmed what she had suspected for the past three years — that her former Viennese best friend, herself an Orthodox mother of five, had tricked her into attending Ezra, a Jewish support centre, to discuss weaning her babies on to solids.

Unknown to Beth, the support worker had been briefed that Beth was suffering from post-natal depression, which she was not, and was the reason the appointment had been arranged.

In her friend’s presence, the worker confirmed that Beth was not suffering from depression. But in an emotional telephone conversation this week — their first contact for more than three years — the friend admitted that she had then told four other close friends that Beth did have post-natal depression and needed to support her husband.

The story spread throughout the close-knit Vienna Jewish community and gave Beth’s husband useful ammunition in his eventual custody case.

Her former friend says that not a day has passed that she has not thought of Beth nor regretted what she did. She added that she had no idea why she did it. As we reported last week, Beth is allowed to see her twins for just six hours a week and on alternate Sundays, but Samuel and Benjamin are not permitted to stay overnight with her.[...]

Latke Tasting Before Chanukah Lighting..by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

5 Towns Jewish Times

Aside from on Thanksgivukah, by the time most people usually get home from work, the time to kindle the Chanukah lights has already arrived.  And by the time the whole family gets together to actually light, another ten to fifteen minutes may have elapsed.  What’s the story with sneaking in a quick taste of those latkes before dinner?

The source of the prohibition of eating before the performance of certain Mitzvos is a Gemorah in Sukkah (38a).  From there we derive that the prohibition exists not only for Biblical Mitzvos but also for Rabbinic Mitzvos.  The Poskim extend the various prohibitions from the discussion found there.  Our interest now, of course, is Chanukah.

THE THREE CATEGORIES

Before we get to Chanukah lights, let’s create some categories.  There are some Mitzvos where it is both forbidden to eat and even to taste before we perform them.  We will call these Category One No Pre-Food – Mitzvos. (We don’t want to call them Category One Mitzvos because the issue of eating before them is not synonymous with the type or level of the Mitzvah per se).

There are also Mitzvos where, it is forbidden to sit down to a meal before you do them, and ideally, one shouldn’t taste anything, but there is room to be lenient if one is feeling weak or one is sick.  We will call these Mitzvos Category Two No Pre-Food – Mitzvos.

Finally, there are some Mitzvos where the halacha is not to sit down and eat before we perform them, but we are allowed to taste something before we perform them, and there is, in fact, no problem in tasting. We will call these Category Three No Pre-Food Mitzvos. [...]

Lev Tahor sect: Judge orders 14 children placed in foster homes

Windsor Star   A Quebec Court judge has ordered the removal of 14 children aged two months to 16 years from the ultra-orthodox sect Lev Tahor, to be placed in foster homes.

Judge Pierre Hamel issued the ruling Wednesday night, ordering the children be removed from the community and placed in foster homes immediately, for at least 30 days.

The ruling comes after about 200 members of the sect fled to Chatham Nov. 18 to avoid a youth court hearing.

Hamel ordered members of the Lev Tahor community to refrain from contacting the children in any way, except for their parents, whose contact will be supervised by youth protection officials.

Among the children ordered removed are a 16-year-old girl and her two-month-old baby.[...]

Weiss-Dodelson: Proposal to clarify who is preventing final settlement

Guest post by Foncused   [I have no idea whether this proposal makes sense legally or whether it would be helpful. In addition while Foncused is challenging the Weiss's - I would say that the Dodelson's should have the same challenge]

It seems that there is a disputation over what exactly the Weiss family, specifically Avrohom Meir, Yosaif Asher & Yisroel, are truly demanding in order to give Gital a Get. Commenters on this site, while denying any connection to the Weiss family, seem to be fairly sure what is, & isn't true regarding those demands (See: whether Weiss is asking for $350,000, nothing, money for expenses including paying Yisroel Weiss or only legal fees that their attorney billed). 

The Dodelson family & friends say that they are desperate enough to bargain with the Weiss's, but say that they keep changing their demands whenever something is conceded. They don't feel like they have been bargaining in good faith. Outside third parties (I will not name names) have confirmed that this has been true in the past - but at this point, that's water under the bridge. Anonymous Weiss supporters factually say that they are only demanding minor things, but Dodelson disputes this account, & say Weiss is always asking for more. I have, however, came up with a proposal, that can solve this issue once and for all- as it will expose who exactly is the party that is being unreasonable.

Let's call a spade a spade here. Many of you Weiss affiliated commenters think that I am somehow related to the Dodelson's or the Kotlers. This is untrue. But what is clear to anyone who reads this blog is that the Weiss family reads it carefully- if not participates in the comments. (Who else would be able to get in to the minutiae about the back and forth if they weren't intimately involved?) 

 

So I'd like to issue a challenge to the greater Weiss/Feinstein mishpacha- including R Dovid HaKoton Ben R Reuven, who has submitted letters to this site in the past.

If the Weiss family would send via their lawyer a signed consent form detailing what Dodelson needs to give up in order to get the get (acc to "Truth" earlier it is only being allowed to go to Staten Island, 12PM on Fridays in the summer months, & Dodelson signing an agreement to cease "bashmutzing" him) and post it on this blog, we will know that Dodelson is being Meagen herself, because all she needs to do is sign his paper to get him to sign his.

However, If Weiss declines to do this, we can be pretty sure that that is not all that he is asking for, & he is lying to us as readers of DT. 

There is no downside to Weiss pursuing the strategy I am proposing- unless he doesn't want people to know what he really is asking for. 

I look forward to all the comments by Weiss/Weiss supporters saying how dumb this idea is & he has no chiyuv to do it. It will reenforce my suspicion that he has no interest in resolving this, & does not want to be meShabed himself to anything.

Weiss-Dodelson: Weiss's view - What is holding up the Get?

Guest Post:by Truth a Weiss supporter
rebuttal
[update rebuttal by Foncused a Dodelson supporter below - November 27, 2013]

There is a phrase called pilpula shel hevel...loosely translated this means sophistry that gets you nowhere. I humbly think we are seeing a lot of this here. We have a situation of a former couple that are arguing over a child's custody. The court order is still unfinished hence the need for further mediation...

Anyone who understands the concept of bra kara d'avuha understands that just like to a mother her child is one with her so it is with a loving father ..thus the mantra just give a get is a fallacy. The father once he gives the get has no recourse to salvage a lifetime relationship with his child...

Believe it or not the issues stopping Gital from getting her get are 

1. She wants to control where Avrohom Meir takes his child on his weekly visitation 

 2. She is battling giving Avrohom Meir from noon on erev shabbos when it is his shabbos so he can go to the country etc with his child 

3. She is haggling over a statement to stop mud slinging once the get is given...

These are the core issues by not agreeing she is branded an aguna. A lot different than a woman anchored isn't it? ...

Thus people of reason such as Rabbi Bender, Rabbi Greenwald and now Rabbi Sholom Kaminetsky were brought in to seal the deal. Why should the Dodelsons rebel against these attempts? 

While these attempts were going on the Dodelson's during all mediation attempts have been slinging arrows at the Weiss's and the Feinsteins...mass mailings where they live...protests at their home...vilifying them in the global press...and what have the Weiss's and Feinsteins done? sheker needs to keep pounding emes is recognizable without saying a word....the Weiss's are out of parnassa...while the achieve 3000 war machine hacks away mercilessly...

There was a kol korei...people forget that the first one was signed by Rav Kotler..that disappeared because it made no sense at all. (Note that Rav Dovid did not say a word because of negios until he finally wrote one sentence as a gilui milsa balma.). The next kol korei was signed by people who never talked to the Weiss Feinstein camp to hear their side of the story..Yes they are gedolim but we are taught ki hashoced yaveir einie chachomim visaleif divrei tzadikim-bribery blinds the eyes of the wise and perverts the words of the righteous There are all kinds of bribery all roads lead to Lakewood especially Philly and most shidduchim come from Lakewood and most young men go to Lakewood ...the power brought against Avrohom Meir is scary

Hoping for a speedy resolution for Avrohom Meir and Gital

Hashem yracheim

Truth

update: ===========Rebuttal by Foncused a Dodelson supporter===============

I am not privy to the details of the negotiations, but obviously some people here either are, or are being fed information to make them feel that way. As we all know, any Machlokes has two sides & it all depends on what perspective you look at this from. Therefore, I will use the post recently submitted by "truth" [above] as a basis for how I see this.

Believe it or not the issues stopping Avrohom Meir from giving the get are 

1. He wants to to change the court order so that he doesn't have to remain in New Jersey for his visitation. 

 2.  Avrohom Meir is battling to expand his weekend custody from noon on erev shabbos when it is his shabbos so he can go to the country with his child 

3. He is haggling over a statement as to what exactly she is allowed to say once the get is given & what penalties she should face if she says something to his displeasure.

If he would just be mevater on these 3 simple things, he would have no reason not to give a get, according to "truth".

Something tells me that there's more to this story, because if it is true, there is no reason for Weiss to keep holding this up over minor issues.  

1) he has the child during a school week until 7:30. Playgroups let out 2-2:30. Iyh the child will be in school, and by 3rd grade will be letting out at 5:30. How important is it that he be able to go to Staten Island for the next two years already? 

The child won't even be able to get out of the car! 

5:30- pickup from Cheder

Drive to Staten Island

6:30- say hi to Bubby & Zeidy Weiss- remember to keep your seat belt on because we need to rush back to Lakewood so we can be back at

7:30- drop off by Mommy.

Come on!

2) Weiss needs to be able to go to the country every week of the year, or is he saying that when he wants to go she should let him? 

This is laughable because this sort of minor detail is the reason why the court usually appoints a third party to coordinate the custody issues & special circumstances. Is there one here? What is his opinion on this?

 Two things are clear about this demand. If the relationship hadn't been made toxic by his withholding a get, this wouldn't have to be bargained, & he's not being honest about this demand. He probably wants every other Friday to begin at 12, & that's why he's not giving a get???

3) suffice it to say that the "mudslinging" hadn't started before he was withholding a get for 2+ years. It's disingenuous to say that that is his justification. Obviously this is a ploy to make him look more reasonable.

Bottom line: 

Dodelson has a clear endgame- a get. 

Weiss has a clear strategy- say that Dodelson is to blame for the Get not being given because she won't cave to these simple demands (which are neither simple, or the only demands.)

=================

I'm looking forward to all the comments you all will be posting bashing ORA, the NY Post, and Gital's frumkeit. Just rest assured that the people who read it see it as your inability to answer the content of my words. 

Do you want this to be resolved? Act as if you do.

Thank you for posting that- hopefully it will have some positive effect on this parsha.

Weiss-Dodelson: The end is in sight for Gital to receive her Get

Update and revised:  See- "What is holding up the Get?"
I have been hearing from insiders - on both sides of this horrific fight - that the differences between Gital and Avraham Meir are now small and bridgeable. In other words the end is in sight. Hopefully in the very near future we can all put down the clubs and keyboards and celebrate the end to this horrible affair.

What is preventing the agreement now seems to be that both sides view themselves as The Victim - which is only partially true.  There is only one victim. That is the individual who at present doesn't even know about the battle that has been going on around him - that is their son. No matter how they divide custody and time - he is going to be torn between the two parents that he loves. Hopefully his parents will understand that they have to commit themselves to work together as his parents for their son's sake and act as if they are friends.

In addition one insider told me to that it is very important to mention on my blog that the figure of $350,000 is false. There has been too much yelling and screaming of about this large sum of money and the false claim that Avraham Meir is an extortionist who only cares about money. While it is true that both sides have spent at least that amount in the legal battles and the Weiss would have liked to be compensated in full for the crushing legal expenses - the Weiss's are willing to give the Get without being paid that amount.  What they are demanding is only compensation for being forced to go to court initially to regain partial custody of the baby when Gital ran off with the child. That is considerably less than $350,000.

Finally we all realize at this point that the system is seriously in need of repair. There are too many examples of what can be described as corruption and insensitivity. Halacha is not being observed or being observed selectively. It is clear that some significant changes must be introduced to not only prevent women from being trapped in bad marriages - but also husbands. But the changes need to be universally accepted as operating within the bounds of halacha. This fight has raised the awareness of all of us as to how urgent the problem is. Hopefully this won't be forgotten after Gital has her Get. It is also important to note that if this was not Gital Dodelson (Kotler) versus Avraham Meir Weiss (Feinstein) - nobody would have paid attention. There are significant issues of marriage and divorce which need to be addressed - but why was there been a media circus only in this case?

Update: In response to the assertion that the giving of the Get will be proof that the only reason she received it is the interviews in the NY Post and others media - it simply isn't true. The final settlement will probably be not significantly different than that proposed by Rabbi Greenwald and accepted by Avraham Meir before the media blitz. In other words, Gital's leaving the negotiating table for her media blitz against Avraham Meir - has gained her nothing! Even her supporters such as Rabbi Malkiel Kotler are disgusted by the NY Post article and Newsweek interviews - and especially by her joking comment that maybe she should live together with a guy for five years before marriage. Others were horrified by her statement "I am looking for a stepfather for my son." Rabbi Greenwald mentioned to someone that negotiations in this affair have been much harder than those that he conducted to get Sharansky's freedom.

Rabbi Greenwald - who has had a long and distinguished career in negotiating disputes -  has also noted that in dealing with important people he will often ask that neither side go public with the details of negotiations. Playing to the media severely detracts from the ability to negotiate honestly and make the painful but necessary concessions. Unfortunately he apparently didn't think it was necessary to ask for it here.

It is critical to understand that if in fact Gital had bludgeoned Avraham Meir into submission by the roar of the outraged masses - the resulting Get would be posul. One of the reasons for my extensive coverage of this dispute - is to ensure that when Avraham Meir gives the Get - it will be of his own free will and not because he has a gun to his head. So a knock-out victory by Gital would be devastating to her,  because she would never be able to marry without the concern for mamzerus.

For those of you who think Gital has the right to receive a Get on demand - that simple is not the Torah position. The Torah has a more nuanced position involving the concern for the stability of the family and the well being of children. In particular our Sages have noted that a readily available Get - produces the undesirable consequence that the couple is less likely to work hard to make the marriage work.

Gital definitely has won the support of secular and Modern Jews who view this case primarily as one of human dignity and the freedom of the individual to be happy. But she has lost the support of  Yeshiva Jew view this as a severe chilul hashem and attack on halacha. Even for many of the rabbis who apparently supported her cause - it was primarily for political reasons - and they cringe when you mention "NY Post".

In sum, for those of you who are asking for a scorecard as to who won this fight - the simple answer is no one.