Tamar Epstein: Translation of protest by R Shlomo Miller, R E B Wachtfogel, R Moshe Green and R Yechiel Tauber

This is concerning the uproar regarding the case of Tamar Epstein the wife of Aharon Friedman. He has refused to give her a Get for many years because of unresolved issues regarding custody of their daughter.  The facts of the case of been investigated and established by Rav Aharon Feldman. 

There is a "rav" [R Nota Greenblatt] who has given Tamar a heter to remarry without a Get. He  said the marriage was annulled retroactively because of the principle of mekach ta'os (mistaken acquistion). The reason for the mekach ta'os he claims is that the husband (Aharon) suffers from the personality disorders of Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD_ and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).

However this explanation is not adequate justification for annulling the marriage - since it is obvious that there are many people who have such personality disorders and yet are still able to have a successful marriage. In fact I asked two psychotherapists about this and they both said that these personality disorders are not mental illness but are simply personality traits. Thus there is absolutely no justification to declare the marriage annulled because of mekach ta'os. Furthermore the Beis Din of Baltimore - which is the only beis din that has been authorized by both side and they both appeared before it - has said that there is no sign of mental illness in the husband.

And if as a result of this "psak", reckless and irresponsible rabbis permit other woman to remarry it would mean that there will never be a need for a Get again. That is because the wife will simply claim that she has discovered that her husband has a serious personality problem and that she would have never agreed to marry him if she had known about it before the marriage. As a result of this mistaken reasoning - G-d forbid- it will result in multiplying the number of mamzerim in the Jewish people.

 Besides the above objections to the heter, it is a fact that they remained living together for an extended period of time and she never claimed that her marriage was a mistake -mekach ta'os. And in addition even after the therapist wrote that her husband had these "incurable" personality disorders - she remained living with him for a period of 4 months. Given these facts it is obvious that even if in fact that her husband has this defect of mental illness  (but as we noted before it is not a defect that justifies annulling the marriage ) it is clear that she was able to accept him as a husband and therefore the marriage can not be considered inherently mistaken (mekach ta'os).

Today it is widespread that reckless and irresponsible people who want to resolve every case of aguna by simply saying that the marriage is a mistaken marriage (mekach ta'os). As a result of such an approach the Torah (G-d forbid!) will be deserted and no one will be concerned with the truth as to what the halacha really is. It will be sufficient for these people that they can find some sort of rabbi who will declare that they are free from their marriage and it doesn't concern them whether the rabbi is following the halacha or not.

Today when  the Jewish people is in mortal danger from the sword of the Arabs, we need to ask what sin has brought about these types of afflictions? I am not a prophet  or even the son of a prophet and I don't have esoteric knowledge - but I do know something about the words of our Sages. The sword comes to the world because of those who rebel against the Torah and distort its teaching against the halacha. There is no greater rebellion and distortion of the Torah than to say that it is permitted for a married woman to marry someone else without first receiving a Get from her husband.

In summary, this married woman Tamar Epstein is prohibited to her second husband because she married him without first obtaining a Get from her first husband. Consequently all children she has from her second husband are mamzerim and can not marry other Jews.

Signed in anguish because of the terrible destruction and the public chilul haShem

Rav Shlomo Miller
Rav E B. Wachtfogel
Rav Moshe Green
Rav Yechiel Tauber

Ascertaining Ratzon HaShem: How do we know what G-d wants us to do?

Knowing G-d's Will  is a very deep and complicated topic which furthermore - while it has no clear answers - we are judged on how close we come to the right answer. I came across a very interesting and fundamental discussion in Minchas Asher of Rav Asher Weiss regarding last week's parsha. Below is some of the material from Rav Weiss (the first and last page). He deals with the issue of whether all our Torah obligations are included in halachos which are explicit in verses in derasha or whether we also have Torah obligations based on our inferences as to what G-d wants. 

You will note we are not dealing with Rabbinic ordinances of Chazal or contemporary gedolim. One example he discusses is the prohibition of tzar baalei chaim - unnecessary suffering of animals. It is agreed that this is in fact a Torah prohibition - but where is it stated? 

This is of course relevant to our discussion of the murder done at the Gay Parade. The murderer decided that it was Ratzon HaShem for him to randomly attack participants at the Parade. While it is clear that Shlissel is mentally ill - his decision making was based on his understanding of the Torah. Thus it is relevant to ask how applicable is his evaluation - to ignore the law of secular society not to kill as well as the Torah prohibition not to kill -  to the rest of us. To what degree can we assume that a mentally healthy adult will deviate severely from society's norms for the sake of higher principles i.e., the Will of G-d? What if any safeguards are there for an individual who is trying to ascertain what G-d's Will - not to harm others or themselves? Is there any restriction of determining G-d's Will to gedolim - or is it an activity that every Jew is required to participate in?

Let me make this a bit stronger. A number of years ago I participated in a series of meetings between religious and non-observant Jewish psychotherapists for the purpose of learning how to bridge the gap between religious and non-religious Jews. It was organized by an intelligent non-religious therapist whose grandfather - who he had known - had been the last religious member of his family. When we first met he was notably nervous. I asked him him what was making him nervous. He replied simply - "I am not sure the religious Jews won't kill me if they have a chance" He was referring to the religious members of this group - including me!

This fear of religious Jews - killing their non-religious brethen to fulfill G-d's Will - is not the limited to paranoid people and it isn't a rare phenomenon. Religious Jews can be scary people (I know charedim  who are uncomfortable going into Meah Shearim) - partly because they are beholden to a higher authority. The question is how are the requirements of that higher authority determined. Furthermore are there parameters such as that what we think is G-d's Will must conform to Darchei Noam i.e., be objectively pleasant? Not violate the law of the land? Not create a Chilul HaShem? Not harm others?

A personal Elul message for Dr. Schlesinger - "Have you no shame?"

A personal note to my obsessive reader Dr. Michael Schlesinger,

I want to note that your obsession with hurting your former wife and your children - is a disgrace not only for a human being and a father -  but especially as a Jew.  Our Sages say because mercy and kindness are inherently part of the nature of a Jew - that someone who lacks these qualities - is suspected of not being a Jew. Are you really Jewish?

As has been noted many times, divorce is painful and degrading - but that is no justification for your efforts to erase Beth contact with her children. It is clear from the police and court documents that despite Beth being an excellent mother - you and your associates have succeeded in taking custody away from her in a manner that would have brought shame and universal condemnation in any normal Western democracy. Unfortunately Vienna - especially the Jewish community - is an embarrassment to humanity and Torah values.

Your blocking of visitation as well as your attempt to punish Beth by arbitrarily cancelling court ordered visits is beyond disgusting. Your insistence on an arrangement that requires Beth to pay an unnecessary and burdensome transfer fee - can only be described as characteristic of Sedom - the most negative description given by our Sages for twisted, gratuitous behavior.

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You have succeeded in not only severely disrupting Beth life - for no positive gain for your self - but your actions have the strong potential for causing your children permanent psychological damage. It is clear that they have already produced developmental delays.

I recently posted a number of comments by someone who signed herself "Beth". While I have no way of ascertaining the identity of the correspondent - I am sure that you either have or will be taking legal action against Beth because of it. You are one of my most devoted readers - because of your hatred and desire to destroy Beth. Sick!!!!

Our Sages talk about the dangers of "hatred in the heart" which poisons and rots all positive aspects of a person. That is what you are manifesting and you will reap the consequences if you don't wake up now to reality - including the psychological and spiritual

Michael - it is time for you to stop and think about what you are doing with your life. Do you have any concerns that are greater than hurting and showing hatred for Beth and your children? Do you really think that after 120 years your cathartic violence will be praised? Will your children thank you when they become adults - for hurting the one person that they love and crippling them psychologically? Or will you end up as a bitter old man who is shunned by everyone and dies without friends or family? Why is the purpose of your life to hate - and not to love?

We are in the month of Elul It is time for you to stop and reflect on who you are and where you are going in life. G-d put you here on Earth for something more praiseworthy than destroying the life and happiness of others. It is not too late to repent and start over with the sole guiding principle - "What is in the best interest of my children?"

 I would suggest that you and Beth go to an independent child psychologist and jointly work out a constructive program. I would also strongly recommend that you see an independent therapist and be evaluated as to how you can get your life together. The results should be shared with the court - which for some reason has failed to have you properly assessed.

I would also suggest strongly that you apologize to Beth and your children and devote your considerable talents to helping others - not hurting them. It is not too late - but at some point the damage you are causing will not be reversible. Wake up now!

Torah Psychotherapy: Learned from Torah or doesn't violate Torah?

 Update:8/18/13 I'd like to summarize what I understand Ploni is suggesting regarding developing a Torah therapy. 1) It is desirable to have psychotherapy based upon the insights of those who contributed to our Mesorah instead of either a purely secular therapy or one that the therapist hopefully selects elements that are compatible with  Torah and avoids those elements which are against the Torah. 2) There is also at the present no clear guidelines for the goals of therapy. Ploni is suggesting that we identify Torah appropriate goals and avoid inappropriate goals. 3) Before a true  Torah therapy is developed it is important that there be some official psak as to what secular therapy is appropriate for use with frum Jews.  4) Therapy needs on going rabbinic supervision as well a prescreening by rabbis.
My simple response to this is a practical one. I don't think it is feasible because it is essential creating mashgichim for therapy. In Ploni's future I can see that we have Bedatz therapy and therapists and OU therapy and therapists. Who are these mashgichim going to be? By and large rabbonim who don't understand therapy - but think they do. So why should they supervise it? In addition it would seem that each client would need not only to find a therapist but also a rabbinic supervisor to assure that therapy is going on in line with rabbinic approval. I find this rather intrusive and counterproductive as well as cumbersome. An alternative would be that only rabbis would be allowed to be therapists. This also is not a good idea because many talented therapists are not capable of learning properly while many Torah giants would simply relate to a client as they do a shtender. We see how child abuse has been handled with rabbinic supervision and I don't have reason to think therapy would be handled any better. I find the idea of total rabbinic supervision rather depressing. Furthermore while I think theoretically it is possible to build a Torah therapy, I am not convinced that a Torah therapy would actually work better than a selective use of secular therapy or developing new neutral techniques which don't claim roots in halacha or hashkofa.
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There have been a number of heated discussion about the issue of Torah psychotherapy. Part of the problem is clearly defining what is meant. Equally important is whether the "Torah therapy" is actually derived from Torah sources in the Hirschian sense - or whether they are simply translation of secular language and metaphors into Torah terms? In other words, does the Torah define what a good marriage or child rearing is - or are secular standards used and Torah is simply used as a tool. Does Torah prescribe ways to reduce anxiety or become more sociable or outgoing  - or is it derived from Dale Carnegie or Freud?
Update: See additional discussion about frum self-help books

Update: This is more than an academic question. A friend was informed by an activist in a major Torah community that 50% of community charity monies are now going to provide psychotherapy. Most of it was spent on frum therapists who had received at most a years training in a frum therapy program. The askan was not only upset about the amount of money being spent but he said he had no idea of whether the therapists were competent and had no way of determining whether the money was being well spent.

Update 8/14/13 If in fact the therapy is truly Torah therapy - then it would seem that there could be no excuse to use secular therapy. However problems clearly exist when Torah principles of what constitutes proper education or the ideal marriage clearly are inconsistent - not only with modern secular values but also that of the vast majority of Orthodox Jews. 
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Conclusion - Update 8/16/13 It is apparent from the comments to this post is that there is no such thing as Torah Psychology or Torah Therapy that was given at Sinai. There are psychological insights which are found in our Tradition which can be used in therapy - but they don't constitue a program of therapy. A psychology or therapy based primarily or exclusive on Torah sources might be desirable - but it doesn't exist at present and it clearly is not part of our Tradition from Sinai.

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There are a number of possibilities. 

1) Mental health achieved by prescribing Torah activities.  A person with low self esteem might be told to make a siyum to build his self esteem. A person who is shy, might be encouraged to do chesed to be less self-conscious. A man who has anxiety and depression by being in an adulterous relationship with another man's wife is told to stop sinning and do teshuva. A person might be told to pray at the graves of great tzadikim.

2) Therapy done by a rabbi or rebbetzin.  Some believe that any therapeutic technique that is done by a religious authority is Torah therapy. This may or may not include using religious language and examples. Thus there is absolutely no difference in the technique - only the person doing the therapy. An example is Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein's declaration that while psychologists have techniques for evaluating whether a person is a pedophile or child molester - only a talmid chachom actually knows.

3) Traditional secular psychotherapy techniques that don't violate halacha OR HASHKAFA [Ploni's correction]. A secular therapist once told me that the cure for the depression for his  yeshiva bachur client - was to get a girl from and engage in sexual relations. Obviously this was not acceptable. Another example is that some therapy is predicated about speaking lashon harah about parents and friends. A Torah therapy would seek a cure without using such techniques if at all possible.

4) Techniques developed from classic Jewish sources such as mussar or chassidic writings- without reference to secular sources. These typically involve using a conceptual framework of spirituality that if found in seforim such as Mesilas Yeshorim- often kabbalistic ideas are utilized.. No reference is made to secular psychology at all. However a secular therapist will typically recognize these techniques as variations of secular therapy.

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Thus ultimately the question is whether there is an inherent Torah approach to curing mental health problems. To answer this question it should be sufficient to observe whether great Torah scholars are also great therapists? I personally think the answer is no. Rav Moshe Feinstein is quoted in the introduction to the 8th volume of the Igros Moshe that being a gadol in Torah doesn't make one a successful politician or provide other wisdoms. Gedolim typically tell people with psychological problems to go the therapists. It is really no different than a medical problem. While there clearly are rabbis who have an innate talent for therapy - it doesn't seem that this is the result of studying Torah. There are in fact wise people from all sorts of backgrounds who are able to give therapeutic advice and direction.

A corollary of this answer that there is no inherent Torah therapy is the reality that advice from rabbis is not beyond question. One rosh yeshiva told me about a friend of his who was having marriage problems. He said it was obvious that the couple should never have gotten married. However since he was a student of Rav Moshe Feinstein he went and asked for advice. Rav Moshe told him emphatically that he should remain married. The man suffered for 5 more years and finally couldn't take it any more and got divorced. The rosh yeshiva - who was close with Rav Moshe - said his friend wasted 5 years of his life.  I have heard this regarding other gedolim such as Rav Steinman. Rabbis - even amongst the greatest - are known to have bad marriages or messed up children. This is readily stated in the Talmud.

Update 8/15/13 From Rav Wolbe's article on Psychiatry and Religion it is clear that there is no independent Jewish psychology or psychotherapy given at Sinai - but psychology which has been adapted or filtered to be appropriate for a religious Jews. this is from page 77.

היחס של היהדות הדתית אל הטיפול הפסיכיאטרי.

ידוע הוא יחס התורה של חכמת הרפואה בכללה: הרשות ניתנה לרופא לרפא - "ורפוא ירפא" כתיב  - וחיוב מוטל על האדם:

"ונשמרתם מאד לנפשותינם"  ~. ויש מרבותינו הסוברים כי פקודתו של רופא יש לה דין של "מצוה מדאורייתא" בכל החומרות שלה. והי' צריך להיות מובן מאליו, כי לפסיכיאטרי' מגיע אותן מעמד כמו לשאר ענפי הרפואה. הרי דבר פשוט הוא: כל הפרעה רצינית, אם נוירוטית אם פסיכוטית, צריכה לבוא בהקדם האפשרי לאבחנה פסיכאטרית ולטיפול מתאים. למרבה הצער, האמת הפשוטה הזאת אינה נחלת הציבור הרחב, וזאת משתי סיבות: נפוצים משפטים קדומים בכל הקשור למחלות-נפש, וגם שוררת אי-ידיעה ככל השייך לתחום זה.

ישנם משפטים קדומים רבים בענין, הראשון - המחריד ביותר: יש החושבים, כי חולה-נפש מהווה כתם על המשפחה כולה. בעיני ראיתי, איך משפחה טובה מאד התכחשה לבן יקר שיצופרני; בתחילה התכחשה לאבחנה. אחר-כן. עם התקדמות המחלה, התעלמה מהחולה עצמו, שעזב את הבית והתגלגל במסדרון של איזה מוסד בחוסר כל ובלי שום טיפול. כמוכן, כל מי שיש לו השפעה על משפחות החולים, חייב ללחוץ על המשפחה שיביאו את החולה לטיפול פסיכיאטרי, ובהקדם! - משפט קדום שני מכוון נגד האישפוז: על מי שהי' מאושפז פעם, מוטבעת גושפנקא של "אינו מן הישוב", וזה מערים קשיים על עתידו אפילו אם הבריא לגמרי. עוד זאת חוששים קרובי החולה, שהאישפוז עצמו יגרום הרעה במצב החולה. גם בזה יש צורך בהסברה לציבור הרחב, כי הרופאים מודעים לאפשרות זאת, והם עושים כל אשר ביכולתם למנוע אישפוז מיותר. רצוי שהציבוו ידע, כי היום עומדות לרשות הפסיכיאטרים תרופות חדישות שחוללו מהפכה בטיפול במחלות פסיכוטיות. [...]

בעיות אלו משותפות לציבור הדתי ולפסיכיאטרים. יש צורך דחוף בארגון קורסים לרבנים בפועל ולמחננים, במטרה להפיץ ידע בסיסי על הסימפטונים של נוירוזה ןפסיכוזה ודרכי הטיפול שלהן בקווים כלליים, כדי שידעו להפנות חולים בהקדם אל הרופא. ידיעה בסיסית היתה מסלקת הרבה משפטים קדומים!

Introduction to new book on the Jewish understanding of marriage and gender issues

When I started this work I thought it would be relatively easy. After all Jews are known for good and stable marriages. However it soon became apparent that there is a significant gap between common understanding and traditional sources. In addition there have been changes. Not only in the general society but also within our community and in halacha. A further problem is that as Rav Lichtenstein has pointed out, there is not simply one unique Torah or Jewish model of marriage. In addition the various models have evolved through the ages. Consequently I have focused on showing the essential building blocks, the components, that are highly regarded by Judaism – rather than a final finished model of marriage. In this regard it is important to know that my Rosh haYeshiva – Rabbi Friefeld told me not to read anything about marriage before I got married, but rather rely on him to inform me what I needed to know prior to the wedding. His actual advise was “Don’t do anything that is disgusting” There are multiple models of marriage to be found. Rabbi Akiva an ignorant shepherd who became one of the leading Sages as the result of falling in love. But he spent his much of his married life separate from his wife in the study hall. Yakov also fell in love with Rachel but she betrayed him to prevent her sister from being shamed. Yitzchok had an arranged marriage. According to the Netziv his wife viewed him with such awe that they could not have a normal conversation. Rava had a horrible marriage and didn’t want to get divorced because of financial reasons. Abraham and Sarah seemed to have a good marriage and remained affectionate even after death according to the gemora. However it seems that G-d was so concerned for their domestic tranquility, that He misled Avraham about what Sarah said about him. Rav Meir apparently brought about his wife’s suicide. At the other extreme Ben Azzai never married and there is the familiar story of Rav Aryeh Levine who tells his wife’s doctor “her foot is hurting us”. In addition both the  Rambam’s son and the Chasam Sofer’s son indicate that marriage is inherently incompatible with spiritual greatness or being a successful leader.  Aside from not physically or verbally abusing one’s wife there doesn’t seem to be clear advice given. Lying is not only permitted but seems recommended to maintain peace. Additionally, there are clearly negative statements regarding women in general as well as a number of positive ones. None of this fits in smoothly with the modern concepts of women or marriage. Halacha clearly is oriented to the male. Thus the male marries the woman and only he has the right to divorce. I present the sources as is with no attempts at apologetics or political correctness. The assumption is that Torah is from G-d and it doesn’t change because of the latest intellectual or social fad. I do present Rav Moshe’s tshuva about the feminist movement. In an enlightening secular book “All or nothing Marriage” the changing nature of marriage is described. Initially marriage was primarily a pragmatic institution both for the man and woman and their children and the welfare of society. Apparently as the result of the industrial Revolution and the improvement of society there was a gradual change in the 1800’s to Romantic love as the basis for marriage. This  standard has been changed in recent years to self-fulfillment. Thus marriage and divorce happen now not because of love but rather whether there are feelings of having a fulfilling relationship. “I can do better with a different spouse that helps me bring out my best”  All three models are supported by traditional sources. In addition the validity of the concept of having a predestined spouse (bashert) is also discussed as are the issues of adultery, pleasure and gender and other related topics. I cite traditional sources and generally ignore academic or non-Jewish sources. While some will voice disappointment at the lack of clear guidelines, the reality is that each marriage is unique and most be tailored to fit that couple. Some will prefer a marriage of the husband as king and master while others prefer a more equal relationship. The Pele Yoetz even seems to recommend having a bad marriage as an opportunity for spiritual and personal growth.  What is clear is that there is no assumption that you will marry based primarily on falling madly in love with some one predestined and that this leads to years of bliss and tranquility and good with the love undiminished. People change over time and the spouse you marry will transform many times during the marriage as will you. It is best according to Rav Wolbe to focus on commitment to the other as well as sensitivity to each other’s needs, to have basic principles and to receive advice and guidance from others. As a great tzadik once told me, “my wife is a saintly woman but sometimes she gets on my nerves.” Disagreements are an inherent part of any relationship and should not be viewed as proof of failure. It is more important to disagree in a sensitive way than to pretend everything is perfect. Similarly while disagreements should be expected, physical and verbal abuse is not acceptable. It is also important to realize that not every rabbi or therapist will be helpful and in some cases will make things worse. This is also true for advice from family and friends. As noted below Rav Yakov Kaminetsky claimed ignorance of dealing with marriage problems. Rav Moshe Feinstein had the practice of going to his apartment for lunch every day, where is wife prepared the single hot meal he got during the day. Once while he was eating lunch, he got an urgent phone call from a couple who were having a major fight. He stopped eating to try and resolve the problem. All the time he was on the phone, his wife was urging him to hang up and eat his meal. Finally at the end he resolved the issue and hung up the phone but there was no time to finish his meal before returning to the yeshiva. The young men who accompanied him as him asked. “Why was the domestic tranquility of the couple on the phone more important than his own? He answered that on the phone two people were fighting but in regarding his wife it was only one person.”  There was a certain rosh yeshiva who had a very bad marriage and went to Rav Moshe for advice. Rav Moshe told him not to get divorced. This continued for five years and it got so bad he ended divorcing her. He told friends that he had lost 5 years because he listened to Rav Moshe.

Rav Moshe Sternbuch strongly condemns the heter given to Tamar Epstein to marry without a Get

[update - added English translation]

A person who has known Rav Sternbuch for many years told me that he has never seen Rav Sternbuch as outraged about an issue as he is about this "heter".

In Rav Sternbuch's letter he refers to a teshuva which was written to justify the "heter". He said that while he can mention it because he was given the teshuva   - but it can not be publicized without permission of the author.

Rav Sternbuch's letter was distributed by an organization Taam V'Daas that added the following explanation.

מרן פוסק הדור הגר"מ שטרנבוך במכתב חריף כנגד היתר הלכה מפוקפק להתיר אשת איש בלא גט רח"ל – "היא אשת איש לכל דבר והוולד ממזר"

סערה בעולם היהודי: רב באמריקה הנפיק היתר מחודש לאשה נשואה שבעלה סרבן גט, להשתחרר מכבלי העגינות בלא גט בטענת 'מקח טעות' וזאת על אף שהאשה קיימה חיים רגילים עם הבעל תקופה ארוכה כאשר במהלך חייהם המשותפים גם נולדה להם בת * מרן פוסק הדור הגר"מ שטרנבוך במכתבו "אין לי מנוחה שאין שומעים מחאה על כבוד ה' ותורתו: * "לדעת רבנים אלו נאמר כן ח"ו אף בהרבה גיטין שהאשה מביאה חוות דעת מרופאים שסובל וסבל ממחלת נפש, וזהו הירוס הדת וקלקול דיני אישות בישראל" * את דבריו החריפים חתם הגר"מ בפסק הלכה לפיו "היא אשת איש לכל דבר והוולד ממזר" * 

סערה בעולם היהודי: רב באמריקה הנפיק היתר מחודש לאשה נשואה שבעלה סרבן גט, להשתחרר מכבלי העגינות בלא גט, הנימוק להיתר הוא מדין 'מקח טעות', וזאת על אף שהאשה קיימה חיים רגילים עם הבעל תקופה ארוכה אשר במהלך חייהם המשותפים גם נולדה להם בת. 

 ה'היתר' המחודש ניתן לאשה כמובן באורח נדיר מתוך התחשבות במצב האשה העגונה הכבולה בכבלי עגינות זה חמש שנים, ובעלה מסרב לתת לה גט.

פרטי המקרה הגיעו לאוזני מרן פוסק הדור הגר"מ שטרנבוך שליט"א, שמיהר לפרסם את מחאתו החריפה כנגד ההיתר המחודש להפקיע קידושין לאחר חיים משותפים כמה שנים בלא גט, ואף התבטא במכתב החריף "אין לי מנוחה שאין שומעים מחאה על כבוד ה' ותורתו".

את האיגרת פותח מרן הגר"מ בפרטי המציאות - "בדבר מה שנתפרסם כאן פסק של אחד מגדולי ראשי הישיבות באמריקה עם אחד מהפוסקים שם שהתיר רח"ל בלא גט אשה שכבר חיה יחד עם בעלה תקופה, וכבר יש לה ילד ממנו, ועכשיו לדעת הרופא הוא סובל ממחלת נפש שהייתה בו כבר קודם, והם פסקו שנתברר שזהו מקח טעות ויכולה להינשא מיד, וסידרו לה חופה וקידושין בלא גט".

במהלך המכתב נמנע מרן הרב שטרנבוך להתייחס לצדדי ההלכה בעניין, מתוך נימוק מעניין - "שמעתי מפי מרן הגאון דבריסק זצ"ל שכשיש תקלה אוסרים בלי נימוק, שאם מפרש טעם דוחין אותה, וגם כאן לא באתי אלא לחזק מי שמוחה ומקדש שם שמים ששכרו רב מאוד".  

את עיקר מכתבו הקדיש מרן הגר"מ לסכנת הפרצה העלולה לצאת מכך, וכפי שכתב – "בדרך זו יכולים לקלקל כל דיני אישות בישראל, ולדוגמא חולה סרטן רח"ל שתמיד המחלה מקוננת בגופו הרבה לפני שמתברר, נאמר שהוא מקח טעות, וכן כמוהו באלפי מקרים, ובהרבה גיטין האשה מביאה חוות דעת מרופאים שסובל וסבל ממחלת נפש, ולדעת רבנים אלו נאמר שלא צריכה גט ח"ו, וזהו הירוס הדת וקלקול דיני אישות בישראל.

בסיום דבריו הוסיף הגר"מ כי מעיקר הדין היה ראוי לקרוע קריעה על סילוף דין תורה -

"ובשעתו כשרב אחד מהלאומיים התיר ממזר דרש בעל ה"מנחת יצחק" הגרי"י וייס זצ"ל שהתאספו יחד החרדים לדבר ה' וישבו על הארץ וכולם קרעו קריעה כדין.

ובגמ' בקידושין י"ג ע"א מבואר שכשמתירים אשת איש שלא כדין הקב"ה בכעס ומעניש יותר מדור המבול עד כדי שאפילו דגים שבים נכרתים".

את דבריו חתם מרן הגר"מ בקריאה כי "חייבים בית ישראל לפרסם שאין לפסקם שום יסוד, והיא אשת איש לכל דבר והוולד ממזר".

יצויין, כי בימים אלו כבר חתמו כמה רבנים באמריקה מכתב מחאה וקול קורא כנגד ההיתר המחודש, דבר שעומד להתפרסם בימים הקרובים. 

[my unauthorized translation]

Rav Moshe Sternbuch

Protest against heter for Tamar Epstein to remarry without a Get

This is in regards to the recently publicized psak of one of the gedolim (an American rosh yeshiva) together with an American posek. The psak freed a woman from marriage without a Get despite the fact that she had lived with her first husband for an extended period of time and she had born a daughter from him. But now a therapist claims that the husband suffers from mental illness that had existed prior to their marriage. Therefore these two rabbis paskened that they had determined that the marriage was a mistake (mekach ta'os) and that therefore the woman was free to marry immediately without needing a Get. And in fact they [the posek] officiated at a wedding for her without her receiving a Get.

And I saw the teshuva that "freed" her. I hate to say this but the teshuva is total nonsense. Taking the approach of this teshuva it is possible to destroy the whole framework of halachic marriage. For example, if a spouse is found to have cancer – something which begins to develop a long time before it is discovered by the doctors – it would be possible according to the logic of this teshuva to declare that the marriage is a mistake (mekach ta'os) and thus never existed. Similarly there are thousands of other cases of problems that develop prior to marriage but are only discovered after marriage. 

In fact in many cases of divorce, the wife brings a therapist's opinion to beis din, that the husband suffers from mental illness that was a pre-existing condition. Therefore according to the view of these two rabbis there would be no need for a Get (G-d forbid!) in those cases! Such an approach is destructive to Judaism and uproots the basic laws governing Jewish marriage. And this that they claim that they are merely basing themselves on the views of Rav Moshe Feinstein – that is total nonsense. The present case is not comparable to Rav Moshe's cases. But this is not the place to go into the details.

When a certain Religious Zionistic rabbi declared the he had found a heter for  a person who had the status of a mamzer to marry, the Minchas Yitzchok (Dayan Weiss) gathered the people together and they sat on the ground and tore their clothing as a sign of mourning. It is explained in Kiddushin (13a) that when a married woman is declared to be free of her married status against the halacha, G-d becomes very angry and brings about punishment which is greater than that of the Generation of the Flood. To the degree that even the fish in the sea are destroyed.

It is important, therefore that it be publicized that the heter of these rabbis for her to remarry is totally worthless and has no basis. Consequently she is still married to the first husband in every respect and therefore any children born from her relation to the second husband are clearly mamzerim. I have no peace of mind because I have not heard protests against this false heter - which is against G-d's honor and His Torah.

I heard from the Brisker Rav that when there is a serious problem that it be  dealt with by  issuing a categorical prohibition without giving detailed explanations. That is because if a reason for the objections are given, then it is possible for someone to argue and say they are wrong. Therefore also in this case, I am not coming forth except to encourage he who protests the heter and sanctifies G-d's name.  His reward is exceedingly great.