HaRav Eliashiv Protests Improper Methods Of Coercion In Gittin

Dei'ah veDibur   9 Sivan 5765 - July 6, 2005 

A number of serious incidents have sparked a stormy debate among the halachic authorities of America and gedolei haTorah have asked HaRav Eliashiv to express his opinion. He responded, "They have permitted married women to remarry contrary to Torah law Rachmono litzlan . . . I join the aforementioned rabbonim and geonim in protesting this breach in the ranks of Beis Yisroel. It is quite clear that any discussion about coercing a husband to grant a get should only be held in a beis din composed of rabbonim who are expert Torah scholars, that has an established reputation and whose authority the public accepts."

The furor currently rocking American Jewry has long since spread beyond America and Canada. It has now reached Eretz Yisroel, where the opinion of HaRav Y. S. Eliashiv was sought with the intention of preventing serious damage to the yichus of the Jewish people through the activities of American rabbinical figures who have been scandalously granting married women permission to remarry on the basis of gittin obtained by coercion.

"The situation in America is absolutely terrible in this respect; it is possibly worse than the case of the mamzerim that took place in Eretz Yisroel around thirty years ago," says a pained HaRav Shlomo Eliyahu Miller, Rosh Kollel and Av Beis Din of Kollel Toronto, Canada, in a special interview with Yated Ne'eman. HaRav Miller has undertaken the task of rectifying the situation in order to avert tragic long-term consequences.

Several weeks ago Rav Miller sent HaRav Eliashiv a letter to which many American gedolei Torah and halachic authorities affixed their signatures: HaRav Eliyahu Levin, Rosh Kollel Choshen Mishpot of Lakewood, HaRav Aryeh Malkiel Kotler, rosh yeshivas Lakewood, HaRav Eliyahu Dov Wachtfogel, rosh yeshivas South Fallsburg, HaRav Meir Hershkowitz, rosh yeshivas Stanford, HaRav Yechiel Tauber Av Beis Din of Kollel Machon Hora'ah of Monsey and HaRav Dovid Shustal, rosh yeshivas Lakewood.

The issue under discussion — serious practices involving gittin, to the point where married women have been permitted to remarry while they are halachically not yet divorced.

The text of HaRav Miller's letter reads:

I am writing to Maran with a request that we hear his opinion on a matter of the utmost importance. Untenable things have already been done in America to free married women through coerced gittin after a beis din convened and deliberated in the husband's absence and ruled that he should be coerced, though he was not present (even in a case where he was agreeable to appearing before another beis din that the woman's side did not want to go to).

"Maran has already ruled that no discussion should take place in the absence of the parties, following the ruling of the Shach in Choshen Mishpat siman 13:8. Such a get [extracted after an unlawful discussion] is therefore an unlawfully coerced get, even if there were halachically valid reasons for the coercion. In fact, it seems that the coercion itself was carried out unlawfully, apart from the [problem of the] discussion about it having been held in the husband's absence, in that they conduct their deliberations in secret and do not reveal their reasons for [allowing] the coercion. Now everything is done in secret, without [even] revealing the name of the beis din that permitted the coercion.

"If we do not issue a public declaration stating that no discussion on [implementing] the law of coercing the husband may be held in his absence, the time will soon come when it will be considered permissible to do just that. We will have a situation where it will be absolutely impossible to repair the breach. The situation in America with regard to permitting married women to remarry is dreadful. Irresponsible individuals dissolve the serious prohibition of a married woman's entering into another relationship on the basis of retroactive dissolution of her first marriage, invoking all kinds of feeble supports as well as by issuing rulings in the husband's absence that he should be coerced and by invoking a whole range of weak arguments.

"I am therefore asking Maran his opinion, to be issued as a notice in a similar form to the above, announcing publicly that any and all rulings to coerce the husband that beis din issued in his absence are unlawful and have no validity, to be signed by roshei yeshiva and rabbonim who obey the Torah's call.[...]

After giving the matter extensive consideration, HaRav Eliashiv sent his reply to the American and Canadian rabbonim. He wrote:

"The gaon HaRav Shlomo Eliyahu Miller and the rabbonim and geonim with him wrote to me about the terrible breach whereby people who are not fit to do so, presume to become involved in coercing the giving of gittin and that there have already been cases where they have ruled that the husband should be coerced when he has not been there to hear the case against him, and they have unlawfully permitted married women to remarry Rachmono litzlan. They have asked me to join them in publicly protesting this breach.

"I join the above rabbonim and geonim in this protest against the breach in the ranks of Beis Yisroel. It is quite clear that any discussion about coercing a husband to grant a get should only be held in a beis din composed of rabbonim who are expert Torah scholars, that has an established reputation and whose authority the public accepts."

What has led to this uproar? Have matters in America really reached the point where rabbonim permit married women to remarry on the basis of gittin that have been unlawfully obtained?

"The letter only contains a small example of the terrible state of affairs in America," HaRav Shlomo Miller told us, in a special call to Yated Ne'eman from Toronto. "Various people exert pressure to permit agunos [women who are separated from their husbands but are still lawfully married to them] to remarry in such a way that it is done in a very serious manner, without witnesses." [....]

"Mamzer Factory" or "Making Mamzerim" - explaining the use of these terms

I received a letter strongly attacking my brother and others who used such terms as "making mamzer" for a beis din that gives a get after the husband has been strongly pressured.

This is a partial excerpt of the letter:

PLEASE ask you brother and others to stop using the expression “ making mamzerim” it is beyond idiotic and is just inflammatory if you study the sugyot on BB47b 48a and gittin [88 correction] 68b; rambam 2gerushin20 with the KM you will find that no matter how compulsory the Get, it is pasul NOT batel on a torah-level she is divorced, even if we make her arrange another Get on a torah level there can be no mamzerim here look at the language of the rambam: even if the BD are wrong,even if they are amateurs, the get is “merely” pasul [there is no such thing as mamzerim drabanan]

now you will say “we don’t hold like the rambam , he’s a daas yachid" he’s not! all the geonim hold like the rambam, just that rabeinu tam couldn’t possibly know that we hold like rabbeinu tam. true, so we don’t currently follow the rambam, but making mamzeirim??!! control yourselves.

===========

Guest post replying to this letter by Rav  Dovid Eidensohn [a full discussion of mamzerus and force is found in the article at the bottom in scribd]

I have written previously that coercing a husband to divorce in a way that is not sanctioned by the poskim makes mamzerim. Somebody asked if this is so how can I explain four things: BB47b,Gittim 68b,Rambam Gerushin 2:20 with Kesef Mishneh. And he adds, “You will find that no matter how compulsory the GET, it is pasul NOT botel on a Torah-level she is divorced, even if we make her arrange another GET on a Torah level there can be no mamzerim here. The writer adds other remarks and then suggests that when it comes to mentioning that one who is coerced to divorce produces mamzerim I should “control myself.” Well, I will try to control myself, and I will try to respond to the above points.

Let us begin with the last item and work backwards. First, the Rambam and the Kesef Mishneh. The Rambam says that a coerced divorce is void only by rabbinical decree and is kosher by the Torah’s standards. My article answers this with the Kovneh Rov’s teaching that the Rambam agrees that a coercion to divorce only helps in the Torah if the husband accepts the opinions of the sages who consign him to coercion. “It is a mitzvah to obey the sages.” But if the coercers are not respected by the husband, say in the cases that we discuss here, that some rabbis demand that people humiliate the husband and force a GET, and I tell the husband that the Rashbo, Radvaz, Beis Yosef and Chazon Ish forbid this and that the coercing rabbis are ignoramuses or worse, in such a case the husband does not obey the coercing rabbis and does not think they are his authorities. Therefore, the GET is invalid by the Torah not just the rabbis. And if the GET is invalid by the Torah, the children are mamzerim diorayso.

Next to last is Gittin 68b. There is nothing there about Gittin. It is full of higadito.

Next are two pages of gemora Bovo Basro 47b and 48a. I don’t know exactly what he wants with these two pages. I don’t want to invent his question and then answer it if he may have another problem. Let him say clearly what his question is. The best I can do is to say that he found on these pages a source for the Rambam who says that if the husband respects the rabbis who coerce him then the GET is kosher by the standards of the Torah. However, if the husband does not respect the rabbis such as in the cases I am dealing with the Kovna Rov says that the GET is not valid by Torah standards. Therefore, the gemora says that coercion can help because “it is a mitzvah to obey the sages.” But if the husband does not respect the sages, especially if his rabbis tell him he should not divorce and should not be coerced, the GET forced on him by the rabbis he does not respect is invalid by the Torah’s standards. Furthermore, the major source for this law of coercing a GET is in Gittin itself, where the gemora clearly disagrees with the Rambam’s opinion and the pages in Bovo Basro mentioned above. Therefore, major poskim say that the final opinion is that the GET is invalid by the Torah standard, as I present in the article.

Coerced Gittin Make Mamzerim Sources

Friedman Epstein: Tamar Epstein claims she is free - but her husband denies giving her a get

Times of Israel   Last week there was a weird news report from ORA that announced that Tamar Epstein was now free of her marriage to Ahron Friedman - but they refused to talk about the senstive details.

It soon became obvious why they didn't want to talk, when her husband Aharon Friedman denied giving his wife a get.

That leads to the obvious conclusion that Tamar did not in fact receive a get from her husband but rather she found some rabbis who were willing to follow in Rabbi Rackman's footsteps and announce the  marriage was a mistake and that she had never been married.

It is going to be very embarrassing when the details come out - because there is no legitimate basis for saying the marriage was never valid.

!ברוך מתיר אסורים With tremendous gratitude to G-d for freeing the chained! After scores of rallies, thousands of letters,  and years of persistent advocacy and hopeful prayers... We are very excited to announce that   TAMAR IS FREE!!!   We are so happy for Tamar and her family, and relieved that this tragic saga has finally come to an end. We would like to thank you for your support in our fight for Tamar's freedom. MAZAL TOV! ORA: The Organization for the Resolution of Agunot  www.getORA.org | 551 W. 181st St, #123, New York, NY 10033 Donate Now!

Sleep’s Role in Obesity, Schizophrenia, Diabetes…Everything

Scientific American    Is sleep good for everything? Scientists hate giving unqualified answers. But the more sleep researchers look, the more the answer seems to be tending toward a resounding affirmative.

The slumbering brain plays an essential role in learning and memory, one of the findings that sleep researchers have reinforced repeatedly in recent years. But that’s not all. There’s a growing recognition that sleep appears to be involved in regulating basic metabolic processes and even in mental health. Robert Stickgold, a leading sleep researcher based at Harvard Medical School, gives a précis here of the current state of sommeil as it relates to memory, schizophrenia, depression, diabetes—and he even explains what naps are good for. [...]
So what is sleep for? Memories are processed during sleep. But sleep doesn’t have just one function. It’s a little bit like listening to tongue researchers arguing about whether the function of the tongue has to do with taste or speech. And you want to say: ‘Guys, c’mon, it’s both.’ There’s very good evidence now that sleep, besides helping memory, has a role in immune and endocrine functions. There’s a lot of talk about to what extent the obesity epidemic is actually a consequence of too little sleep. [...]

What are implications of sleep for psychiatric disorders?
If you take an adult who has both sleep apnea and depression, you’ll find that they are very tightly linked. If you have depression, there’s a fourfold increase in your likelihood of apnea and if you have apnea, there’s a fivefold increase risk of depression. If you take someone with both depression and apnea, and treat the apnea with CPAP [continuous positive airway pressure], you can get their depression scores to drop below clinical levels.

If you take kids comorbid for sleep apnea and ADHD—in the case of children the apnea is usually caused by enlarged adenoids and tonsils—if you remove the tonsils and adenoids you’ll get a larger reduction in the ADHD symptoms than if put them on Ritalin.

If you take people with bipolar disorder and sleep deprive them, you’ll flip them into the manic state.

If you look at depressed people, REM sleep comes much earlier in night. When treatments for depression fail to reverse this effect, the likelihood of recurrence of the depression is much higher.  And depriving depressed patients selectively of REM sleep can produce a dramatic reduction in their symptoms, although they return as soon as the deprivation is stopped . [...]

Bnei Brak man arrested for alleged sexual abuse

Kikar HaShabbat

גבר חרדי כבן 33, תושב בני-ברק, נעצר על-ידי המשטרה בחשד לתקיפה והתעללות בגיסתו. הבוקר (חמישי) מובא החשוד לבית משפט השלום בתל-אביב.

לפי הפרטים שנודעו ל"כיכר השבת", לפני תקופה התלוננה נערה חרדית בת 16 כנגד החשוד, קרוב משפחתה, כי התעלל ופגע בה ובשתי אחיותיה הנוספות בנות 14 ו-15.

לטענת הצעירה, החשוד ניצל את עובדת היותו בעלה של אחותן ופגע בהן בשעה שהתארחו בביתם כשלפעמים אף הפעיל כוח כנגדן.

במשטרה עירבו את הרבנים והעסקנים ופתחו בחקירה שהעלתה כי בעבר נחשד האיש במעשים דומים אולם לדבריו "הפסיק עם זה" וכעת התלונות כנגדו עוררו מחדש את החשדות נגדו.

Reform Judaism ‘reboots’ to focus on youth

Times of Israel    What do you get when you bring together 5,000 of the Reform movement’s faithful for a conference in sunny San Diego in mid-December?

For pep, there were the spirited prayer services, the morning-till-night stream of musical performances and Rabbi Rick Jacobs, the president of the Union for Reform Judaism, or URJ, who compared the challenges facing the movement to giant waves, crying “Surf’s up!”

“Big waves require more skill and courage to ride, but if ridden artfully they enable us to go faster and further than ever before,” Jacobs said, a giant screen projecting a swell behind him.

For the intervention, there was session after session devoted to the challenges facing the movement, especially the question of how to engage young adult Jews who, by and large, are steering clear of Reform synagogues.

“I think the Reform movement needs to remember that no matter how much we double down on great programming, it might not increase the likelihood that those young people are going to walk in,” Rabbi B. Elka Abrahamson, a Reform rabbi who is president of the Wexner Foundation, said in a conference session focused on the recent Pew Research Center survey of US Jewry.

“I think that’s really hard for this gathering to keep in mind because we are the people who love what we do, and we just think if we do more of it and do it better and do it more often and do it faster that they’re going to come,” said Abrahamson.[...]

Reform membership is dwindling, synagogues are struggling to secure their bottom lines and, as Jacobs noted at the last biennial, 80 percent of Reform Jews are “out the door” by the end of high school. Many never return: Fewer than half of Reform parents have their children enrolled in some kind of Jewish youth, camp or educational program, the Pew survey showed.

Schlesinger Twins case injustice raised in British Parliament

Help Beth

Scarves and Halacha by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

Five Towns Jewish Times   It is cold weather season, and the coats, gloves and scarves are coming out.  Scarves are definitely “in” and constitute a billion dollar industry with such top designers as Burberry, Prada, Missoni, Alexander McQueen, Cole Haan, Chanel, Etro, Lanvin, Hermès, Nicole Miller, Ferragamo, Emilio Pucci, Dior, Fendi, and Louis Vuitton.  These designers manufacture square scarves (mostly for women), triangular scarves, and the most common, rectangular scarves.

It is said that the scarf originated in ancient Rome, where it was called the “Sudarium” – perhaps the origin of the Talmudical term “Sudar.”

Scarf lengths and widths vary greatly as well. Most scarves are over five feet long and often are very wide.  And while there is no question that our practice is not to wear Tzitzis on a scarf, the question arises as to why exactly we don’t.

The Mishna Brurah (16:4) rules that the minimum shiur for a garment to be obligated in Tzitzis is a length of 3/4^ths of an Ammah in length and ½ an Ammah in width.  There are various halachic opinions about the Amah too.  Rav Chaim Noeh (1890-1954) zt”l posits an Ammah of slightly more than 18 inches, Rav Moshe Feinstein (1895-1986) zt”l proposes an Ammah of 21.25 inches, and the Chazon Ish (1878-1953) zt”l proposes almost 23 inches. [...]

As far as the other two reasons cited in the Bais Yoseph, it could be that the Vilna Gaon and Mogain Avrohom rejected the first ideaof  ha-alah being an exempt type of wearing from the words of Tosfos in Menachos 41a “Tcheiles.”  Tosfos writes that this would also necessitate the wearing of Tzitis.  As far as the second reason, that the scarf is considered a head-garment not a body garment, in the more northern countries, where it is rather cold, we do actually use it on the neck and not on the head.

There may be another rationale to be lenient, and not round off a corner as the Chofetz Chaim seems to recommend.   When one does wear a scarf that is more than nine inches wide, the scarf is often folded in half – width-wise.  If that is the case, there may be another reason to be lenient because it could be that the minimum requirement necessitates that the garment be worn that way as well.

Ostreicher has escaped from Bolivia and is in U.S.

NY Times   In an odd twist to a serpentine tale, two discrete stories emerged on Tuesday about how a Brooklyn businessman who was jailed in a squalid prison in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, for 18 months, then placed under house arrest, managed to escape and make his way to the United States. 

At a press conference in La Paz, Bolivia, Justice Minister Cecilia Ayllón described a remarkably lax house-arrest arrangement with little supervision and suggested that the businessman, Jacob Ostreicher, had been gradually testing the boundaries of his confinement, including trips to La Paz, until he simply slipped away “clandestinely.” 

“We now see that the only purpose of all of this was so that in a given moment he could flee the country,” Ms. Ayllón said. 

Mr. Ostreicher, who is in his mid-50s, went to Bolivia several years ago to manage a rice-farming enterprise he had invested in. He ended up being accused by the Bolivian authorities of laundering drug money, a charge he denies. Prosecutors never formally charged him, but in June 2011 he was jailed in Palmasola prison, a notorious complex with 3,500 prisoners that is ruled internally by an inmates’ committee. Mr. Ostreicher claimed that he was assaulted and humiliated until he paid off functionaries of the committee.[...]

Rabbi Moti Elon won't serve prison time for sexual crime against minor, court rules

JPost   Prominent national religious figure Rabbi Moti Elon, who was convicted in August of two counts of indecent assault by force against a minor, will not serve time in prison, the Jerusalem Magistrate's Court ruled Wednesday

Although the state attorney had requested he get 8-18 months in prison, he was given a six month commuted sentence to be served in community service. He also was given three years probation and ordered to pay the complainant NIS 10,000.

The rabbi’s defense team had asked that he be given community service instead of a jail term.

Sagi Ofir, of the Jerusalem State Attorney's Office said that he hoped the sentence will serve to deter future sex crimes.

He did not say if the state intends to appeal the sentence. [...]

About Happiness by Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn

Guest Post by Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn/Jewish Outreach Congregation, Monsey, NY 

We discuss here a major reason for family and marital problems: good intentions! In fact, the worst thing a person can do is to destroy their children. But children suffer terribly in a bad marriage. But each parent says, “That awful spouse of mine. It is a mitzvah to correct/punish him/her.” And there is no end.

Once a Jew did something so terrible it was unheard of for a Jew to do it. A Rov was asked to explain this. He replied, “I don’t know why he did it. But one thing I know. He did it for the sake of heaven.” The Rov explained that all of us have evil inclinations that pressure us constantly to sin. But we know that the idea is evil and so we are limited in how much sin we do. But if a person decides that he is doing a good deed with his evil, what is there to stop him or limit his evil?

The Talmud says that a father sees his child misbehaving and hits him. The son can get so angry that he hits the father back. The father is punished for causing the son to sin. Thus, even when we do something for the sake of heaven, to teach our children how to behave, we have to make sure of the bottom line, that it be positive and not a disaster, chas vishalom.

There are good intentions that create bad deeds. And then there are good intentions that create good deeds, but too much of them, until evil results.

The Chofetz Chaim as a youth learned so much and slept and ate so little, that he  became very sick and could not learn for a long time. Doctors could not cure him. Finally, Reb Yisroel Salanter prayed for him and he got better. For the rest of his life, the Chofetz Chaim taught people that we pray daily that HaShem should “remove the Satan from before us and behind us.” What is wrong if the Satan is behind us? asked the Chofetz Chaim. But when the Satan sees that a person is really serious about being a Tsadik, the Satan tells him to do good things, but to do good things that will in the end become destructive and thus evil, as with the Chofetz Chaim who lost much time in learning because he learned too much and slept too little.

When I was young in Yeshiva someone began learning so strongly that everyone predicted a lovely future for him as a great Torah scholar. Indeed, he became a teacher of Torah in a prominent Yeshiva, but his extreme devotion to learning eventually destroyed his ability to learn seriously, and he went to work.

The Chofetz Chaim was a short person. He ordered everyone in his Yeshiva to go to sleep on time, but many students felt fine staying up late. So the Chofetz Chaim would stand on a chair and reach up to the light switch and turn it off. But this didn’t solve the problem. Thus, when people are sure they are doing the right thing, they even defy the Chofetz Chaim!

Therefore, the wise parent or teacher, considering punishing somebody “for the sake of heaven,”  finds someone to refer questions to.

In the past generations one of the very wisest of the sages was Rabbi Mayer Chodosh, famed as the Mashgiach of Chevron Yeshiva and perhaps the major talmid of the Alter of Slobodka. Once, a child in a Yeshiva profaned the Sabbath. Another child was caught stealing. The teachers involved in the case wanted to humiliate and punish the children in the worst way, but knowing that they must ask a truly wise person first, they came to Rabbi Mayer Chodosh. He told them, “Is a teacher a Rabbinical Court entitled to punish people? A teacher has a function of producing a successful student, not destroying the student with punishment and humiliation.” He warned them not to deviate from his advice, and made a program for the children who eventually turned out to be fine Torah people. Had they been punished and publicly humiliated, the pain and shame would never have left them, and who knows what would happen to them.

Another time somebody came to Rabbi Chodosh with his very young son. The son began pulling on the tablecloth and it seemed as if the dishes would fall on the floor. The father rebuked the son, but after a while, the son did it again. The father became upset at the son, and then Rabbi Chodosh intervened: “Your son is not being wild when he pulls on the tablecloth,” said Rabbi Chodosh. “Your son noticed that a cup is upside down. He pulled the tablecloth to get at the cup and fix it. Now, you fix the cup, turn it over, and your son will not pull on the tablecloth anymore.” And so it was.

Had the father hit the child or yelled at him, the child would not understand. Who knows what the child would think of his father?

Another father with a young child came to another great Mashgiach, Rav Eliyohu Lopian. It was Shabbos and the child began to play with stones, which are muktseh. The father told the child to stop playing with the stones. But a while later, the child went back to playing with the stones, and the father  rebuked him, with a sharper tone. Rav Lopian told the father: “Your son is too young to understand about the laws of Shabbos. You are not teaching him how to keep Shabbos. You are teaching him to disobey you.”

Our task is to make our children happy, and not see in their childish actions excuses for yelling at them. Indeed, the Torah teaches, “Serve HaShem with joy.” “Its ways [the Torah] are the ways of peace.” Somebody busy criticizing and scolding can turn children and others off, and end up making more problems than solutions.

A sage in Israel who is known for his wisdom about family and marriage told me the following: Everything depends on the children learning to do mitsvose with joy. If the child is trained to appreciate the joy of doing a mitzvah, he/she will enjoy obeying the Torah. But a child raised to fear the Torah as something painful may reject the Torah.

The same idea was taught by HaGadol Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l.  Commenting on the huge loss of Jewish children in the early generations of America, Reb Moshe explained that in those days keeping Shabbos meant losing a job. Shabbos thus became associated with pain and suffering. People don’t want a life of pain and suffering. Sometimes, even today, keeping the Torah may be hard. But a clever parent finds a way to make a child want to do the mitzvah.

Friday afternoon is perhaps the hardest part of the week. Everyone is rushing and under pressure. My son Yaacov Zelig with some family members made a Friday afternoon learning program in America and Israel whereby parents write in or call in that their child learned on Friday fifteen minutes, and the child goes into a Goral lottery. There are various prizes, sometimes fifty dollars and sometimes more. Hundreds of children are busy learning, and one father said, “I should pay you when my children learn, because it saves our household Erev Shabbos!.”

The Holy Shelo was one of the greatest rabbis who ever lived, and is one of the very few people honored with the appellation “the holy one.” This holy man teaches that we must bribe our children at every stage of their lives. Little children get what little children want, and when the child comes of age we “bribe” him by telling him that if he learns a lot of Torah, he will find a nice shidduch!

Now somebody may refuse to do this because does the Torah not tell us to serve HaShem without ulterior motives? So how can we raise children with bribery? But the Talmud clearly says, “Let us learn Torah even not for pure motives, but for ego, etc., because from impure motives one will come to pure motives.

And then there is the great mitzvah to make one’s wife happy. The Zohar and Rashi explain that the mitzvah in the Torah “and he should make his wife happy” means, “make her happy, not himself.” But of course, if the husband makes the wife happy, the wife will make the husband happy. Making someone happy is not a selfish mitzvah. But the greatest happiness awaits when you cause another to be happy.

When parents seek to make each other happy, the children learn from this how important making another person happy is. And the whole family learns the joy of happiness.

The great enemy of happiness in the family is when somebody decides that a punishment is needed because somebody did something bad. When punishment becomes a great mitzvah, the Satan then uses this “great mitzvah” to destroy families and children.

If someone has a comment or a question, you can write to me at writeus1@verizon.net. And if it is urgent, I can be reached at 845-578-1917.

Weiss Dodelson: Dodelson supporter says Weiss supporter lied about settlement details

Guest post by emes vshalom (a Dodelson supporter) responding to the post - "Negotiation documents reveal the minor gap between the two sides" by a Weiss supporter. I don't see why the Dodelson supporters need to use such nasty abusive language instead of simply asking for an explanation. 

There really is only one issue that needs to be clarified after reading emes vshalom's rebuttal. Why didn't the Weiss's agree to the settlement - assuming that emes vshalom's facts are correct. Dodelson's claim that it is simply because the Weiss's don't want to give a get. That is rather absurd after what has gone on. My laymen's understanding is that by giving the Get before the agreement is approved by the court - there is no guarantee that the deal will be binding on the Dodelson's and it will end up that Gital has the Get and the Weiss's have nothing.

The simple question is does Rav Shalom Kaminetsky understand the facts the way the Dodelson's do? If he does then that would mean he is a fool to continue negotiations. But since we all know that he is obviously not a fool and yet he is continuing the negotiations - he apparently doesn't agree with the Dodelson's view. I am also not sure he is insisting that everything be done at once - as emes vshalom claims.

====================

To me, as someone who is admittedly biased, as I am a supporter of Gital's, it's very confusing that the Weiss family & their allies seem to continue to lie & misrepresent the truth. The fact is that when you have complete knowledge of the facts, it looks as though the Weiss's never were prepared to give a Get (to me anyway). When R Sholom Kamenetzky (whom the Weiss's commissioned to continue these negotiations) worked out a deal that should have been amenable to all sides, the Weiss's refused to sign on. It included all of the concessions that the Dodelsons made in that email, plus an agreement to have the remaining issues be subject to binding arbitration by R Sholom. Oh, and by the way, it included a 6 digit monetary payment from the Dodelsons to Weiss. R Sholom had (and it is my understanding that he still has) one condition; that everything be taken care of at one time. Meaning the Dodelsons give Weiss the money, Weiss gives Gital the Get, and both parties sign the arbitration agreement at one meet. 

Dodelson agreed to this, Weiss did not.

I'll let you decide for yourselves why.

Also, I won't be responding to any comments, as I think this post speaks for itself. If you think any if the facts are untrue, feel free to reach out to R Yisroel Weiss, as he published his email in a previous post. He should be able to confirm these facts.

Weiss Dodelson: Negotiation documents reveal the minor gap between the two sides

Update(rebutal by Dodelson supporter) http://daattorah.blogspot.co.il/2013/12/weiss-dodelson-dodelson-supporter-says.html
=========================
There  has a lot of belittling of Rabbi Greenwald's heroic efforts in negotiations by the supporters of the Dodelson's. They have also been strident in their denigration of the seriousness of the Weiss's commitment to giving Gital a get - falsely claiming that the Weiss's are constantly changing their position. In fact there has been a lot of lies and false accusations against the Weiss and Feinstein family as well as a massive corruption and abuse of rabbinic authority as seen in the invalid seruv and the halachic joke of the Kol Koreh. In fact the issues that the Dodelson's abandoned Rabbi Greenwalds carefully negotiated settlement and went to the NY Post are trivial. The reality is that Gital could have had her Get a long time ago - without all the disgusting chilul hashem. 

In order to set the record straight, the following are the actual documents of the negotiations- judge for yourselves.

   Weiss Dodelson Arbitration Documents Oct - Dec 2013

American Roshei Yeshivos opposed to division of Hadera

Kikar Hashabat  The division of the Chadera Yeshiva has aroused the opposition of major American talmidei chachomim.

מכתב עליו חתומים שמותיהם של ראשי ישיבות בארה"ב, מבטיח כי המסייע לפילוגה של ישיבת 'חדרה' "לא ייצא נקי". עוד נכתב: "פשוט שזה עוון חמור מאוד לסייע להרוס הישיבה"

הפילוג בישיבת 'חדרה' הליטאית: מכתב שמופץ בימים האחרונים, מבטיח כי המסייעים לפילוג הישיבה הוותיקה - לא ייצאו בצורה נקייה מהסיפור. על המכתב החריג, חתומים שמותיהם של מספר ראשי ישיבות מארצות הברית, כשניסוחו של המכתב מיוחס לרב ישראל יצחק קאלמנווויץ. 

את הדיווחים על פילוג הישיבה, מגדירים ראשים הישיבות במכתבם כ"שמועה לא טובה", וכ"מהומה הנעשית בתוך כותלי בית המדרש". מנסח המכתב כותב כי "מתוך שאנו ידידים טובים זה רבות בשנים, הרהבתי עוז לכתוב לכם מחשבת הדיוט כמוני". 

"והנה פשוט שזה עוון חמור מאוד להיות מסייע להרוס או להחליש בית המדרש וישיבה קדושה ובפרט ישיבה זו שהיא חשובה מאוד כידוע" נכתב בהמשך המכתב.

Rav Hertzog: 3 Oaths and establishment of Jewish State

Guest post by R' Yechzkel Moskowitz I am only posting the relevant part of the article and restricted printing and copying due to copyright considerations. Article appeared in Techumin vol 4

Click here for others views

   3 Shvuos Rav Hertzog Techumin 4 - 7 of 13 Pages 

Stanley Levitt: Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer's letter to take proper precautions

From: 

 On Behalf Of Shearith Israel
Sent: Wednesday, December 11, 2013 2:19 PM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: Important Information!

The letter below (language is below - PDF document with picture is attached)  was originally sent by the Rav to all Rabanim of the city in August of 2012.   

As Zusia Levitt davens in our Shul, the Rav wants all of us to take the proper precautions.  Never let a child be alone with him in any circumstance.

**********************

17 Av, 5772

August 5, 2012

Lichvod Rabbanim Chashuvim, shlit”a,

Stanley (Zusia) Levitt – pictured below – has faced multiple accusations that he molested young children in both Philadelphia and Boston.

He recently pled guilty to some of these charges.  This of course warrants our being cautious about him.

As such, I am sending you this letter with his picture.  If you should see him in your shul I would encourage you to take steps to inform your congregants in order to ensure communal safety.

Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer

What to do if the marriage is over - but one party refuses to end it?

Guest Post by Dan EisenbergDecember 16, 2013 at 3:57 AM

@ DT- Thank you for responding at length. While many were critical of my assumptions and questions I don't think you addressed the issue at hand. As a psychologist I am sure you realize more than most, that not every marriage can be saved. There exists the possibility that one comes t the conclusion that the marriage is over before their soon to be ex-spouse. If the person is leading a religious lifestyle they will in consult with pastoral as well as psychological counsel. Everyone wants shalom bayit, but not every marriage was made in heaven. I find it hard to believe there is a magic formula to heal every marriage. I also think it is irresponsible to force every spouse back to their partner. Once a person availed themselves to pastoral and therapeutic services and through their competent guidance seeks divorce should he/she remain trapped? Really? If the child is young should the mother not take the child to live with her. ( I am not advocating for denial of visitation / joint custody) however child support is for the child and should be maintained by the B"D if they use it for binding arbitration.

As to the challenges made that this isn't halachically tenable approach because it is modern it must be wrong.--There are many times that times changed and the Chachamim made takanot to address the problems they faced from antiquity to modern times. At some point we as a society realized slavery is wrong, polygamy is not for us and we don't engage minors. There are so many more examples but the point is obvious. This isn't about picking and choosing "chafing," or any other disparaging comment "Dvar Torah" feels the need to insult people who might disagree with him/her.

In this regard the rabbanim of the BDA, the largest B"D for gittin in the US supports takanot like the halachik pre-nup. Before you jump down my throat, please let me know of one case that the BDA gave a p'tur, even with a get that was assisted by ORA and/or the husband felt pressure to give the get and the p'tur was not recognized. While many may critizize R'Stern or R' Shachter, l'maaseh the gittin are kosher and the women are able to go on with their lives and their future kids are able to marry.

Lastly, the idea that a husband automatically gets full custody of a boy over six is equally preposterous. Every case is unique and should be decided on it's own merits.

As i asked before what is your solution? You told me what you are not prepared for- quickie divorces. I did not advocate that position. When is a marriage over? How many psychologists do they need to see? Which rabbi do they need to consult? Is there a list? once one side consulted with a competent rav, and they agreed that the marriage was over and encouraged going to B"D is that not enough. I don't believe there is a simple solution to such complex issues. If you do, i look forward to reading about it.

Weiss Dodelson: Double Standards of the Kol Koreh signers

Guest Post by RaP: [Updated with part 2 and 3]

R. Aron Schechter's signature on the "kol koreh" against AMW is a total joke if one simply remembers what an ongoing chillul HaShem he has caused for almost 35 years by refusing the summonses of various batei din and of Rav Moshe Feinstein Z"TL to come to a din Torah, as the attached documents attest.

(The attached documents, long available online, speak for themselves and explain the hypocrisy and chillul Hashem.)

update from DT
ספר חפץ חיים - הלכות אסורי לשון הרע - כלל י
ג. וְכָל זֶה אִם הָרוֹאֶה טוֹב מִמֶּנּוּ, אֲבָל אִם הוּא (יג) חוֹטֵא כְּמוֹתוֹ, וְגַם הוּא חוֹלֶה בַּעֲבֵרוֹת הָאֵלֶּה כָּמוֹהוּ, הֲרֵי זֶה אָסוּר לְפַרְסְמוֹ. כִּי אִישׁ כָּזֶה, אֵין כַּוָּנָתוֹ בְּגַלּוֹתוֹ מִסְתָּרָיו לְטוֹבָה וּלְיִרְאָה, כִּי אִם לִשְׂמֹחַ לָאֵיד וּלְבַזּוֹתוֹ בָּזֶה. וּכְבָר נֶאֱמַר בְּעִנְיָן זֶה (הוֹשֵׁעַ א' ד'), "וּפָקַדְתִּי אֶת דְּמֵי יִזְרְעֶאל עַל בֵּית יֵהוּא", הִנֵּה כִּי אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁעָשָׂה יֵהוּא מִצְוָה בְּהַכְרִיתוֹ אֶת בֵּית אַחְאָב בְּיִזְרְעֶאל, כִּי נִצְטַוָּה כֵּן עַל יְדֵי נָבִיא, וְנִתְּנָה לוֹ עֲבוּר זֶה מְלוּכָה עַד אַרְבָּעָה דּוֹרוֹת, כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (מְלָכִים ב', י' ל'), "יַעַן אֲשֶׁר כִּלְבָבִי עָשִׂיתָ לְבֵית אַחְאָב, בְּנֵי רְבָעִים יֵשְׁבוּ לְךָ עַל כִּסֵּא יִשְׂרָאֵל", בְּכָל זֹאת נִפְקַד עָלָיו לְבַסּוֹף דְּמֵי אַחְאָב, מִפְּנֵי כִּי גַּם הוּא הָיָה רַב פֶּשַׁע:

Rav Feinstein's Hazmona to Chaim Berlin and  Documents

 Rav Shlomo Carlebach case 

Part 2: Weiss/Dodelson: Double Standards of the Signers:

It is well known that Rav Aron Schechter is the "first among equals" on the current American Aguda's Moetzes and that he has the final veto on any decision. Thus his signature on the "kol koreh" on behalf of the Dodelsons-Kotlers and against the Weisses-Feinsteins is not just "another signature" but it is "the signature", meaning that once he signs, then automatically his strongest allies Rav Yaakov Perlow and Rav Aron Feldman also sign. The other signers are just weaker add-ons without the prestige and automatic pull of the Aron Schechter-Yaakov Perlow-Aron Feldman (Chaim Berlin alumni) troika.

Rav Aron Schechter's signature on the anti-Weiss "kol koreh" is its strategic key and paradoxically also its weakest link, because of the fact that Rav Aron Schechter himself decades ago set the trend of refusing to appear before bais din -- any bais din -- multiple times.

There were not one, not two, not three, but four hazmonas (see attached copies of originals) that Rav Aron Schechter ignored from the bais din of the Hisachdus HaRabbanim (the Central Rabbinical Congress of Satmar founded by Rav Yoel Teitelbaum ZT"L a person and group greatly respected by Chaim Berliners -- but not when they got summoned by its bais din!) besides the hazmona from Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT"L at that time the head of the Moetzes and known at that time by all as the Gadol HaDor.

Rav Aron Schechter remains steadfast in his own refusal to come to bais din while at the same time it is expected that the Weisses-Feinsteins should "come running" to settle.

In addition to which,extra-judicial severe threats of an ambiguous "blood bath" were used by Rav Carlebach's opponents on behalf of Rav Aron Schechter for which they were excoriated by leading Rabbanim, such as Rav Dr. Shamshon Weiss Z"L (see his attached letter) of Washington Heights (see his obituary in  New York Times obituary for Rav Weiss ). Now if that is not called a double standard and hypocrisy, then nothing is.

One thing is certain, that the Weisses-Feinsteins are being subjected to the same cynical brutal tactics, of all-out war, as was Rav Shlomo Carlebach and in both cases Rav Aron Schechter is at the center of the fight. Remove him and his signature from the "kol koreh" and the whole case of the Dodelsons collapses with its "krumme heterim" to abuse the Weisses.

It is time for Rav Aron Schechter to remove his signature, or for it to be declared null and void, on the abusive anti-Weiss "kol koreh" and be called on his unacceptable and untenable actions and reprimanded en masse for them by the Torah world. There is nothing to fear for standing up for the Emes. The time for such "old school" bullying tactics "in the name of halacha" has come to an end.

R Shlomo Carelbach and Chaim Berlin R Weiss Lettter 4 CRC Hazmonos 

Part 3: Weiss/Dodelson: Double Standards of the Signers

What type of people have the audacity to sign on to crazy "kol korehs" to destroy fellow-Jews befitting Amalek as in this case against the Weisses-Feinsteins, when they themselves have never responded to far more serious dinei Torah and multiple summonses from batei din and pleas from Gedolim (from Rav Y.Y. Ruderman, Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky, Rav M. Gifter, Rav Schwab Zichronam Livracha, and others) against themselves?

What kind of people have one standard, or lack of standard, for themselves, but expect others to follow an entirely different set of "holier than thou" declarations? How about one set of standards for everyone? Not for some it would seem.

There should be no doubt about the status of Rav Aron Schechter as a lo tzayis dino (one in contempt of bais din, see attached documents), in this case the batei din of Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT"L and of the CRC's founded by Rav Yoel Teitelbaum. The refusal of Rav Aron Schechter (what was/is he afraid of, that he would LOSE?) to bring to closure the matter of the genuine dinei Torah initiated by Rav Shlomo Carlebach has cost him and the Chaim Berlin people dearly. The core of the case revolves around both monetary issues relating to severance pay as well as to who is still supposed to be the authorized mashgiach ruchani of the Chaim Berlin yeshiva.

Rav Moshe Feinstein stated and ruled (see above documents) that as long as the matter has not been brought to closure, that Rav Carlebach remains as the only legitimate mashgiach ruchani and that no one is allowed to replace him. Rav Moshe Feinstein further ruled that as long as the matter is not resolved in bais din, then a regular salary is still owed to Rav Carlebach which after 35 years would amount to quite a big sum since Rav Carlebach is still B"H alive and active and has never abandoned his title and claims.

To re-affirm his support for Rav Carlebach in the midst of this ongoing situation, Rav Moshe Feinstein granted him a personal semicha (see attached).

But it goes further than that, a few years back Chaim Berlin yeshiva in Brooklyn was faced with a challenge from the nearby Veretzky yeshiva, that is under the control of the Rabbonim and Balebatim who run the "Landaus minyan" in Flatbush. The Chaim Berlin people had thought they had "automatic rights" to a key adjacent corner property but were surprised to find that Veretzky had beaten them and had submitted a winning offer.

Of all the absurd scenarios of self-delusion, the Chaim Berlin people imagined they could commence with a din Torah against the Veretzky people. To the shock and consternation of all, the Veretzky people hired an expert to'en who basically formulated a halachic argument (see attached) based on the events of Chaim Berlin refusing to respond to Rav Carlebach's din torah and the various hazmonas (see above originals) that were issued.

The to'en for Veretzky's formulation al pi din Torah states quite clearly that the Chaim Berlin people are "lo tzayis dino" (see his attached three page argument). Not just that, but to make sure his case was heard, it was sent to several important batei din with all related documentation. Behind the scenes the Chaim Berliners were humiliated and frantic, supposedly even Rav Elyashiv ZT"L was consulted on the matter, and basically his response was that "people who do not go to a din Torah when they are summoned, cannot summon others to a din Torah" until such time that they settle all prior dinei Torah. And so the matter has rested with Veretzky getting its way teaching an important lesson that has evidently still not been learned, because now "new avenues" are found via fake "kol korehs" that are not worth the paper they are written on.

The moral of the story is that we are dealing with very dangerous people here. The ruthlessness and cynicism of the Dodelsons and their Kotler puppet masters is only exceeded by the cynicism and brutality of Rav Aron Schechter and the Chaim Berlin people who are too intimidated to stand up against his floundering ways (too many to count, such as his support for Schick, Hersh, Tropper-Guma-Kaplan, Kranczer etc that ALL blew up in his face).

It is time for American Torah Jewry to wake up and realize that they are being led down the garden path by terrible Pied Pipers who worship only one thing: BIG Money. Money talks! Forget about HKB"H, Rav Moshe Feinstein, the CRC, Halacha, all the old-time great Gedolim of America, but forge signatures of fake "kol korehs" and join the MOs and ORA and get into the NY Post, blast away at the family of Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT"L because you want to set up a "new world order" of money worshipping roshei yeshiva etc. is how the Schechter-Perlow-Feldman troika come across. And just as the moral and human failures Schick and Hersh and Tropper and Guma and Thomas Kaplan and Kleinman who all had/have plenty of money to back themselves up and "bribe" their way to top influence, the Dodelsons are loaded and using their wealth to wage an all-out war for a "get" by trying to destroy the Weisses-Feinsteins that is hurting all of Klal Yisroel.

Wake up everyone before you all fall victim to this modern-day Egel HaZahav Golden Calf as the new fake and false "god"!

   Rav Carlebach Semicha and Veretsky-Fried Documents

Reporting Sexual and Domestic Abuse: by Rabbi Dr. Belovski

The following was graciously sent to me with permission to post by  Rabbi Dr. Harvey Belovski. See his  website for other items A version of this study first appeared in the 2014 Jewish Year Book.

   Reporting abuse by Rabbi Dr. Harvey Belovski.2013 

Weiss Dodelson: Primary problem isn't how to make divorce easy or equitable - it is to convince couples to work on their marriage

  I received the following question in one of the comments. It is a reoccuring question - especially for new readers who have not followed the discussion from the beginning. Therefore I am reposting his question and my answer.

DanielDecember 15, 2013 at 6:17 PM wrote:

R Eidensohn-

I apologize if this was something you addressed in an earlier post. Can you clarify the position you maintain regarding a woman who feels trapped in a marriage.

I think everyone can agree on a few salient points:

a- The pressure to marry early, and often after only a few weeks of meeting a person, will yield many "wrong" matches.
b- It is better that when a couple have irreconcilable differences both sides deserve freedom to go on with their lives.
c- the corruption of batei din is a "davar yaduah" and many people are concerned when dealing with a B"D.

With these ideas in mind (if you disagree with these assumptions, please respond) what is a woman supposed to do if she is trapped in a loveless marriage? Is she supposed to remain trapped? Is applying terms "moredet" really applicable? Do we really believe nowadays a woman is "commanded" to "obey" her husband? Can she only apply for divorce if he agrees? Another term that I have seen on your site and others is "maus aly." I also think that term is antiquated in our society. Meaning, a woman who doesn't want to live with her husband should not be forced to. Also her choice not to remain married in no way compromises her claims to custody and support. Also using a get as financial leverage is inherently unfair because the bias is on the man's side.

Towards a solution, I don't understand why every B"D can not demand a get and then hold the p'tur until the the resolution of the conflict? Lastly, when there is no unified B"D system what koach does one court have over another to force anyone to do anything? What are your solutions to preventing the next agunah?

I responded

 Daas TorahDecember 15, 2013 at 7:06 PM

yes Daniel your questions have been discussed in great detail in previous posts

I am not going into a repeat that which is readily available by reading past posts and discussion. Let me just state something which you have failed to include in your list of important concerns.

When two people marry - whether it is because of an arranged match, 6 dates, 4 years of dating or living together for 5 years - there is a possibility that one or both will feel that they could do better after 1 day or 20 years of marriage. The question now is what should be the response if your daughter or son come to you after 6 months or a year  of marriage and says - "I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with him/her. He/shey bores/irritates/repulses me and I feel I can do better because obviously this is not my beshert."

You refer to such couples as "trapped". You might be aware there is a profession called marital counseling which in fact deals with couples with such problems. Many times it is possible to change the relationship to a positive one. Marriage is usually not something that works without effort. For some that effort has to be primarily in the beginning and others need constant vigilance and others have marriages fall apart after 30 years. Rav Shlomo Zalman once agreed that a particular couple with mental health issues could get married but only on the condition that they agreed to go to marriage counselling for 20 years and the money set aside in advance. I know a young lady who decided she had made a mistake after a week of marriage because she thought her husband's nose looked funny.

It is clear that the halacha does not accept the idea of divorce on demand - something which according to secular society for the last 20 years - is a G-d given right. It is expected in halacha that a couple who have married - especially if they have children - will not simply walk about from marital difficulties but will work on shalom bayis or marital harmony. This is important because it is clear that there is no such thing a divorce which doesn't have negative consequences - especially on children. Your questions are really only relevant after all avenues to achieve shalom bayis have failed.

In the present case Gital walked out of the marriage after 10 months and one child. Despite the pleading of her husband to make the marriage work - she agreed only to go to a therapist of her choice for no more than 4 sessions. The therapist said the marriage could be saved. Gital said she wasn't interested in saving the marriage. She left him saying "you are not a bad person just not for me".

What I am saying is that the halacha puts great emphasis on a stable family. That is really the issue - not the involvement of beis din. If obtaining a get is easy - there is no stability to family life. (And that has a negative ripple effect on the community.) There is no motivation to work at marriage. It is the Hollywood values system. As long as bells are ringing and birds are singing you know that this the right relationship.When the excitement dims that proves that it is time to move on to another relationship. For example it is not unusual when a doctor finishes his medical training - with the devoted support of his wife - he divorces her  for a better and more exciting woman. One Californian said, "When your wife turns 30 it is time for a change." That is not the Jewish way!