Rav Sternbuch's comments about his opponents who tried to force him to change his halachic rulings

מסיבת הודאה

שר התורה מרן הגר"מ שטרנבוך שליט"א כינס במוצש"ק את מקורביו וערך מסיבת הודאה על כך שאנשים ידועים – ריקים ופוחזים משולי המחנה מדברים עליו סרה בדיבורי לשון הרע וכיו"ב, ומבקשים להטיל את מרותם על ידי הפעלת טרור.

תוכן הדרשה מצורף.Recording of the original Yiddish

בתוך כך יוזכר כי כבר מספר שבועות הבית הדין של העדה החרדית מושבת לחלוטין, ולא מתקיימים דיני תורה בבית הדין.

הסיבה היא שהראב"ד הגר"מ שטרנבוך שליט"א חדל מלהופיע בלשכת הבד"ץ כבר כמה שבועות, למרות שבפועל הינו עדיין ראב"ד העדה החרדית על כל המשתמע מכך, וחברי הנהלת העדה החרדית עומדים בקשר רציף עם מרן הראב"ד שליט"א על כל השאלות העומדות על סדר היום, (ובפרט בזמן האחרון, לאחר שהגאב"ד הגרי"ט וויס לקה במחלה קשה עד שכבר אין בכוחו להשיב דבר ה' זו הלכה כבשנים קדמוניות), אבל בעקבות "שיבושי הליכי דין" שבוצעו בדיונים על מתחם "שנלר", אין המצב מאפשר השתתפות של מרן הראב"ד שליט"א יחד עם שאר חברי הבד"ץ עד שיסודרו העניינים בהסכמים (פנימיים) ברורים. 

Allan Katz: Setting Limits - Restrictions or Guidelines

Allan Katz    Parashat Terumah deals with God's instructions to build a Tabernacle- mishkan –to be  a resting place for God's presence. The most important component of the mishkan was the Ark of the Covenant – ארון הברית which housed the tablets – לוחות העדות a testimony to God's revelation. After the revelation at Mount Sinai, God would continue to communicate with Moshe and teach him the Torah in the mishkan =the tabernacle or also called  'tent of meeting' – אוהל מועד.

Moshe stood before the Ark,its covering and the keruvim, from between which God spoke to him.

The Ark-aron itself was made from 'acacia wood '- עצי שיטים. The inner box was made from wood and 2 other boxes in a sense covered or plated the inner box with gold, one from the inside and the other from the outside. The wood symbolizes the dynamic, flexible and living nature of the Torah which is made possible through the Sages- חכמים   and their application of the ' Oral Law' – תורה שבעל פה. The gold plating symbolizes the Torah and God's immutable and unchanging spiritual laws and methodology. At Mount Sinai, God gave the Sages the power to create Halacha- a legal system using God's immutable spiritual laws, principles and methodology. The Halacha governs every aspect of life and has the dynamism to adapt to changing times and situations without losing any of its authenticity and deviating from Torah's principles. It is because the Torah is not in heaven- לא בשמים היא   ,  the Sages have the power to create Halacha and we must follow them "ועשית ככל אשר יורך- לא תסור מכל אשר יורך " that the Torah has been able to adapt to changes and new situations and  yet remain authentic.

The way the Sages derive the Halacha- law from the situation and Torah principles gives us an insight how we should set limits or more important how we help kids set their own limits.

Setting limits and boundaries is an important part of parenting. However the way we set limits can impact negatively on the moral development of children, restrict them and thwart their autonomy and set off challenging behavior and the resistance of kids with difficulties. Limit setting should be used to create structure. It should not be used to restrict kids and make them feel controlled. One does not have to be controlling to create structure, and it is structure with its limits that offers kids more freedom.

The question - Thomas Gordon, the author of P.E.T – Parent Effectiveness Training says is not whether limits and boundaries are necessary but the question is who sets them? Is it parents unilaterally imposing limits on their children or are parents and kids working together to figure out what makes sense. When we 'work together' with children and collaboratively solve problems by addressing both our concerns and the kids concerns, and then brainstorming a mutual satisfying solution we have actually set a limit. When parents concerns are being addressed by the solution, we have set a limit in a collaborative way.

When we talk about limits and boundaries in general , the question then becomes what kinds of limits and boundaries are we talking about - how specific or behavioral should they be – are we talking about  boundaries and limits as opposed to broadly conceived guidelines that can inform a lot of our activities for eg  - a limit on not hurting other people, addressing the needs of others, being empathic, kind and respectful etc .Don't we want kids to derive limits and guidelines on how to act from the situation itself and what other people need ? If so, then our coming up with limits, and especially specific behavioral limits and imposing them on kids makes it less likely that kids will become moral people who say that the situation decrees a kind of a boundary for appropriate ways to act and I will be guided by that my whole life, An example would be the different thinking a kid would have when faced with a bowl of cookies and would love to eat all of them because ' I am hungry and I love cookies '. When the parent imposes a limit – ' You can take only one cookie ' = I cannot take more because mom said I can have only one or else, or where the kid thinks,' I would love to eat all the cookies but there are others kids around too and they are also hungry so I will make sure that everyone has cookies too.' In some situations the kid will offer friends and go without a cookie. When parents say ' you must share because I said so' and follow up with a patronizing pat on the head ' good sharing ', the wrong message gets internalized. I am sharing because mom says so and because I will get a verbal reward for sharing. And when kids refrain from doing something, we want them to ask if doing X is wrong and   how will doing X impact on the other kids and not ask - am I allowed to do X and what will happen to me if I do X.? The limits on kid's behavior, in other words, should be experienced as intrinsic to the situation.

The Torah gives us guidelines by which we can give purpose and direction to our lives. They will guide and inform our behavior helping us and our children to derive the limit from the situation itself, so that limits are experienced intrinsic to the situation.

We want to reframe the concepts of limits, not as restrictions, limits or boundaries that adults impose on kids, but our children acting in a moral way by deriving the limit from the situation itself, so that limits are experienced intrinsic to the situation.

Rifky Stein interviewed for the Mendel Epstein trial which starts today

NY Post    LAKEWOOD, N.J. — When a Jewish woman wanted a divorce from an unwilling husband, federal prosecutors say, Mendel Epstein was the rabbi who — for the right price — could gather a kidnap team to make it happen.

Prosecutors allege Epstein’s team would use brutal methods, including martial arts beatings, handcuffs and electric cattle prods, to torture the man into granting the divorce.

“If it can get a bull that weighs 5 tons to move, you put it in certain parts of his body and in one minute the guy will know,” prosecutors said the Orthodox rabbi told a pair of undercover FBI agents posing as a brother and sister trying to force the sister’s husband to grant the ritual Jewish divorce known as a “get.” Prosecutors say Epstein was recorded telling the agents the operation would cost at least $50,000. [...]

Epstein’s trial on attempted kidnapping charges starts Tuesday in federal court in Trenton. Several co-defendants have pleaded guilty in the case; others will go on trial with Epstein.[...]

“Without having the get … I have no prospects of getting remarried. I cannot date men. I have no future of having more children,” said Rivky Stein, a 25-year-old Brooklyn woman who says she is trying to obtain a get from her husband but isn’t involved in the Epstein case. “It just literally locks you in. You’re just entirely chained, and, in a sense, you’re controlled.” [...]

"My husband was raped when he was 14": Lifelong consequences of sexual abuse

Balaboostas    [...] Thirteen years ago, when my husband was 14 years old, he was raped. He was a young boy, who came from a family that never quite fit in however hard they tried. His parents divorced when he was 2, and he suffered for years as a result of that. At the age of 9, a judge made him decide. Mommy or daddy? Yes I repeat, mommy or daddy, “who do you want to live with?” the judge sweetly asked him.

My husband chose daddy, because mommy was no longer frum, stable, nor lived in the community, and daddy said he could still see mommy and he would let her come and visit. Mommy promised she would. But she never did. [...]

He was 14, he had a job in a local shop and got rather close with the owner. Until one day he got a little too friendly and raped him. [...]

My husband knew something was wrong. Something bad had happened. Being the technological savvy teenager he was, he managed to actually obtain the cd of the CCTV camera that had recorded them.

He decided he would go to speak to their Rabbi about what had happened. Surely his saintly Rabbi, who everyone in the community flocked to for advice, would be able to help him.

And so there he found himself, seated in his Rabbi’s house, telling him his story. From beginning to end.

Once he had said his piece, he looked up at his Rabbi, with his tear stained face and asked him “what shall I do? What shall you do?” and brace yourself for this response.

“You won’t do anything, you must not tell anyone about this or about this conversation, don’t tell your father, don’t tell your friends, or everyone will know what a bad person and boy you are, you will be shamed, you will be nothing. Now go and never speak of this again to anyone.” [...]

He did not blame the man that raped him. He blamed the Rabbi for covering it up.

When I met my husband at some point in our relationship prior to marriage, I was told about all of this. He confided in me, and I promised to keep his secret and support him no matter what. [...]

As every young couple starts their new marriage, one of the most exciting aspects is the physical side, the intimacy.In our relationship, we had it before we were married, although we had firmly kept to our self-made rule of anything but sex before marriage.

I first realised something was wrong when I would cry myself to sleep at night, feeling so rejected when my husband once again told me “I’m not in the mood tonight, I just want to cuddle.”

We had sex, but it was not as often as I would have liked or wanted. But after countless arguments, we just came to the conclusion that we were different from each other and we had different sex drives. And the good outweighed the bad, so we tried not to make it a big deal out of it. [....]

But that was when the flashbacks started for my husband. Every time he looked at our daughter, all he could feel was fear, and images of what had happened played in his mind over and over again. All he saw were images of himself being raped. He feared for our daughter’s safety, and he fell into a deep depression. [...]

He did not want to talk. He wanted to forget. [....]

And then it happened.

Our community exploded.

Headlines read as follows: “Hariedi Rabbi Exposed in Rape Sex Scandal”, “Prominent Marriage Counsellor Inappropriate with Married Women.”The list can go on and on. And then the big one:“Rabbi Resigns from All Positions”

During the course of these past few months, we have watched the biggest cover-up in our community unfurl. Finally, this Rabbi is being exposed for the heinous crimes he has committed. Not only did he cover up for rapists and pedophiles, but he was a molester himself. [...]

But finally, my husband is beginning to heal. [...]

I would not say my husband empathises with or understands the man that raped him. But to this day, he is not willing to press charges against him or speak to the police. Therefore, there is a pedophile roaming the streets of our community and has gotten away scot free.

And that is the hardest part for me. I need this man to be punished. I feel like he has ruined my husband’s life and my own.

I do not think that my husband realises what our sex life could be like if he had not been raped, or maybe he does realize but he does not want to dwell on it, because the harsh reality is that the lack of sex, has led to the lack of a pregnancy. We have been desperate for a second child for over a year; but until now, we have not been able to make that happen because of the lack of intercourse.

I stand by my husband and I am patient for him because I love him. I love him unconditionally, partly because I know he is my soul mate and partly, I make the extra effort because I know he has no one else in the world that can love him unconditionally. [....]

During the course of these past few months, we have watched the biggest cover-up in our community unfurl. Finally, this Rabbi is being exposed for the heinous crimes he has committed. Not only did he cover up for rapists and pedophiles, but he was a molester himself.

But as always, there will always be the poor misguided souls that will follow their leader to whichever depths of the lowest places they will go.There were those that fought back, and the fights are still taking place.It is far from over.

Divorce strategy: Wives try to use racketeering law against rich husbands in court

NY Post  These rich wives have at least one thing in common with John Gotti — they know their RICO laws inside and out.

The well-heeled wives are trying to use the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act — which famously took down the Teflon Don — to nail their wealthy husbands during divorce battles.

The women claim that their husbands have hidden away cash that they have a right to — and they are trying to use the federal racketeering law to grab the dough.

While RICO was enacted in 1970 “to get to corrupt families under the name of the Mafia, there’s a certain symmetry [with divorce cases] because oftentimes . . . you have the corrupt spouse in cahoots with others, often family members or paramours,’’ said family-law expert Michael Stutman.</ Patricia Cohen, the ex-wife of billionaire Steven Cohen, pioneered the tactic in 2009. [...]

A judge tossed the civil RICO charge last year — but that hasn’t stopped at least six more New York and New Jersey women from using the statute in a similar way. One of Stutman’s clients, Rivky Stein, brought a RICO suit against her ex, Yoel Weiss, in Brooklyn. Stein alleged that Weiss laundered money from an illegal importing business through his aunt and uncle’s plumbing supply company so he could claim poverty to the matrimonial judge.

Brooklyn federal court Judge Brian Cogan tossed the case, finding that the people whose merchandise was stolen, not Stein, were the RICO victims.

Chabad's official response to testimony at the Australian Royal Commision abuse hearings - Will Vienna be the next topic?

Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch, the educational arm of Chabad-Lubavitch in New York has issued a statement in the wake of the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse  hearing dealing with the Sydney Yeshiva and the Melbourne Yeshivah.

“The Board of Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch, the educational arm of Chabad-Lubavitch, has been following Australia’s Royal Commission proceedings into Institutional Responses to Child Sex Abuse. While we appreciate the need for patience as the process takes its due course, some of the testimony which was shared with the Commission is extremely alarming, and we feel compelled to comment even before the Commission issues its findings and recommendations.

We are appalled and deeply pained to learn of the allegations against individuals associated with some of the Chabad institutions in Australia. The information that has emerged is utterly disturbing, a profound violation of the non-negotiable principles implicit– and explicit–in any and every situation where the wellbeing of a child is entrusted to the care of an educational institution.

The first, foremost and overriding concern of every one of our educational institutions, and of each individual affiliated in any way with those institutions, is the protection—physical, emotional and psychological—of any and every child entrusted to it.

We are confident that the reports emanating from Australia are the rare and unfortunate exception to our institutions; however in light of the allegations now under investigation, we are reviewing procedures and protocol to see how these can be improved and enhanced for better implementation and enforcement. Indeed, given the devastating and long-lasting effects of child sex abuse now well-known, teachers, administrative and other school personnel who become aware of any incidents of such abuse, must act responsibly and report them to authorities without delay

The unfortunate incidents alleged to have occurred in Australia may have well been avoided if the institutions in question would have adhered to the Child Safety Code guidelines of the Merkos Educational Office. We will therefore take additional steps to ensure strict adherence of these codes by all Chabad-Lubavitch educational institutions, and we will continue to explore additional measures to raise awareness among school personnel, about the dangers, risks and indications of offenses of sexual abuse and misconduct.

We commend the efforts of the Royal Commission, and trust that their involvement in this matter will not only address the immediate situation, but that they will provide broader recommendations as well that will be instrumental in ensuring a safe, sound and positive environment within all schools. We welcome and value their insight.

The decision on the part of the victims to come forward cannot have been an easy one. But it was the courageous and correct one. For in their willingness to do so, they have contributed to a heightened awareness that will prevent other children from falling victim. The suffering and consequences of such abuses are often life-long, and as such, every instance of prevention is a life saved.<

In our ethos, every life is a world. Every child represents a world, worthy and deserving of our greatest investment towards their safety and nurture. The victims who have stepped forward to report abuse have surely saved many, many lives, each of them a world unto itself. For this, we applaud them. We pray that they will find healing and the strength to move on. G-d bless them with goodness and kindness.”

Mass shaming of others on Internet:How One Stupid Tweet Blew Up Justine Sacco’s Life

NY Times

As she made the long journey from New York to South Africa, to visit family during the holidays in 2013, Justine Sacco, 30 years old and the senior director of corporate communications at IAC, began tweeting acerbic little jokes about the indignities of travel. There was one about a fellow passenger on the flight from John F. Kennedy International Airport:

“  ‘Weird German Dude: You’re in First Class. It’s 2014. Get some deodorant.’ — Inner monologue as I inhale BO. Thank God for pharmaceuticals.”

Then, during her layover at Heathrow:

“Chilly — cucumber sandwiches — bad teeth. Back in London!”

And on Dec. 20, before the final leg of her trip to Cape Town:

“Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”

She chuckled to herself as she pressed send on this last one, then wandered around Heathrow’s international terminal for half an hour, sporadically checking her phone. No one replied, which didn’t surprise her. She had only 170 Twitter followers. [...]

By the time Sacco had touched down, tens of thousands of angry tweets had been sent in response to her joke. Hannah, meanwhile, frantically deleted her friend’s tweet and her account — Sacco didn’t want to look — but it was far too late. “Sorry @JustineSacco,” wrote one Twitter user, “your tweet lives on forever.” [...]

It’s possible that Sacco’s fate would have been different had an anonymous tip not led a writer named Sam Biddle to the offending tweet. Biddle was then the editor of Valleywag, Gawker Media’s tech-industry blog. He retweeted it to his 15,000 followers and eventually posted it on Valleywag, accompanied by the headline, “And Now, a Funny Holiday Joke From IAC’s P.R. Boss.”

Sexual Abuse Allegations Against Imam Stir Rifts in Insular Ilinois Community

NY Times    She ordinarily did not wear a veil. But it was required at the Islamic school where she worked, and she remembers being surprised when the head of the school, a conservative imam, suggested that she remove it.

When the imam, Mohammad Abdullah Saleem, came into her office, she said, he would sometimes touch her cheek or put an arm around her shoulder. Mr. Saleem was revered in her close-knit community, and she did not object at first. But simply being alone together represented a forbidden intimacy, and looking back, she said those first gestures should have been more alarming.

“It’s not something that gets done,” the 23-year-old woman said recently. “Men and women don’t even shake hands.”

Over time, she said the touching became more aggressive, reaching a point that she did something almost unheard-of in her community. She told people: her family, a social worker, an Islamic scholar. Recently, she went to the police. As word spread of what she had told them, three other women came forward, telling detectives that as young girls they had been molested by Mr. Saleem.[...]

Abuse allegations against Catholic priests and Jewish rabbis have brought similar anguish to insular communities suddenly exposed to outsiders, in a crisis. But the Chicago case comes with added baggage in a community where discussion of sex is taboo and many girls are forbidden to attend school health classes. Dating is uncommon or secretive, many marriages are arranged, and a blemish on a young woman’s reputation can render her unmarriageable.

The accusations are particularly jarring because of Mr. Saleem’s stature. “In the South Asian community, he is like Billy Graham. He’s the archbishop of Chicago,” said Omer Mozaffar, an Islamic scholar who serves as the Muslim chaplain at Loyola University Chicago and who acted as a mediator between Mr. Saleem and his first accuser last year.

Mr. Saleem said in a brief phone interview that his accusers “are lying.” He referred questions to his lawyer, Thomas T. Glasgow, who said that after an internal investigation by the school, “I have not seen any evidence to substantiate anything.” [...]

10 hours of fear and loathing in Paris: A reporter walks the street of Paris wearing a kipa and tzitzis

One month after the terrorist attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris, NRG's correspondent, wearing a tzitzit and a kippa, took what proved to be an intimidating walk across the French capital. "What is he doing here Mommy? Doesn’t he know he will be killed?" one little boy asked, saying it all

Welcome to Paris 2015, where soldiers are walking every street that houses a Jewish institution, and where keffiyeh-wearing men and veiled women speak Arabic on every street corner. Walking down one Parisian suburb, I was asked what I doing there. In modern-day Paris, you see, Jews are barred from entering certain areas.  [...]

For 10 hours I quietly walked down the streets and suburbs of Paris, with photographer Dov Belhassen documenting the day using a GoPro camera hidden in his backpack. Given the tensions in Paris, which is still reeling from a wave of terrorist attacks (including the murder of Charlie Hebdo magazine journalists), I was assigned a bodyguard.[...]



At times it was like walking in downtown Ramallah. Most women were wearing a veil or a hijab, most men appeared to be Muslim, and Arabic was prevalent everywhere. We decided ahead of time that I was to walk through these areas quietly, without stopping anywhere, without speaking to anyone, without so much as looking sideways. My heart was pounding and negative thoughts were running through my head. I would be lying if I said I was not afraid. [..]

In one of the mostly-Muslim neighborhoods, we walked into an enclosed marketplace. "Look at him! He should be ashamed of himself. What is he doing walking in here wearing a kippa?!" one Muslim merchant yelled. "What do you care? He can do whatever he wants," another, seemingly unfazed merchant, answered. Over at a nearby street I was lambasted with expletives, mostly telling me to "go f*** from the front and the back." [...]

They made it clear to us that we had better get out of there, and we took their advice. "A few more minutes and this would have been a lynching," the bodyguard told me as we were getting into the car. "Leave this area right now."   

Is this what life is like for Paris' Jews? Is this what a Jew goes through, day in and day out, while walking to work or using public transportation? The majority of French Jews do not flaunt their religion, as the Jewish community leaders have urged them to wear hats as they walk to and from work, or go bareheaded. But what about nighttime? Well, Jews prefers to stay inside in the evening. It is safer at home

Op-Ed: Why are They Converting to Islam?

Arutz 7  One of the things that worries the West is the fact that hundreds and maybe even thousands of young Europeans are converting to Islam, and some of them are joining terror groups and ISIS and returning to promote Jihad against the society in which they were born, raised and educated. The security problem posed by these young people is a serious one, because if they hide their cultural identity, it is extremely difficult for Western security forces to identify them and their evil intentions. This article will attempt to clarify the reasons that impel these young people to convert to Islam and join terrorist organizations.

The sources for this article are recordings made by the converts themselves, and the words they used, written here, are for the most part unedited direct quotations.

Many of the converts are convinced that Islam is a religion of peace, love, affection and friendship, based on the generous hospitality and warm welcome they receive from the Moslem friends in their new social milieu. In many instances, a young person born into an individualistic, cold and alienating society finds that Muslim society provides  – at college, university or  community center – a warm embrace, a good word, encouragement and help, things that are lacking in the society from which he stems. The phenomenon is most striking in the case of those who grew up in dysfunctional families or divorced homes, whose parents are alcoholics, drug addicts, violent and abusive, or parents who take advantage of their offspring and did not give their children a suitable emotional framework and model for building a normative, productive life.[...]

Converts to Islam report that reading the Koran and uttering the prayers add a spiritual meaning to their lives after years of intellectual stagnation, spiritual vacuum and sinking into a materialistic and hedonistic lifestyle. They describe the switch to Islam in terms of waking up from a bad dream, as if it is a rite of passage from their inane teenage years. Their feeling is that the Islamic religion has put order into their lives, granted them a measuring stick to assess themselves and their behavior, and defined which actions are allowed and which are forbidden, as opposed to their "former" society, which couldn't or wouldn't lay down rules. They are willing to accept the limitations Islamic law places on Muslims, thereby "putting order into their lives" after "a life of inanity" that they led before "discovering the light" of Islam that cleansed them from all their past sins and mistakes.[...]

One of the significant sources of converts in the USA is the prison system, and there, the overwhelming majority of converts are African Americans. Thousands of them see Islam as a return to roots dating from the days before their ancestors were sold into slavery. They generally do not know that the biggest slave traders were Muslim Arabs that overran idol-worshipping African villages and sold their inhabitants into slavery. And in Arabic, blacks are still called "slaves".[...]

Australia's most senior rabbi sent text message calling abuse victims' father a 'lunatic', royal commission hears

ABC Australia    Australia's most senior rabbi sent a text message calling a father whose children were molested at Melbourne's Yeshivah College a "lunatic" who neglected his children, the royal commission into child sexual abuse has heard.

Rabbi Meir Kluwgant admitted sending the message about Zephaniah Waks to the editor of the Australian Jewish News, Zeddy Lawrence, on February 3.

The Waks's lawyer Melinda Richards SC put it to the rabbi that he sent an SMS to Mr Lawrence which read: "Zephaniah is killing us, Zephaniah is attacking Chabad, he is a lunatic on the fringe, guilty of neglect of his own children, where was he when all this was happening?". [...]

Manny Waks posted a message on social media in which he called for Rabbi Kluwgant to resign or be sacked immediately "from every leadership position he currently holds".

"We have just heard the most senior rabbi of Australasia, Rabbi Meir Shlomo Kluwgant ... publicly admit to sending a shocking, vile message to the editor of the Australian Jewish News, viciously attacking my father (during his testimony at the RC, no less) and blaming him for the sexual abuse of his three children (myself included)," he wrote.

"Rabbi Kluwgant has been one of the leading forces behind the horrific intimidation campaign against me and my family.

"Until today it was difficult to prove. It has finally been exposed publicly."

More results from the Waks family's courage: Rabbi Abraham Glick resigned from Yeshivah College

The Age  The former principal of Yeshivah College from the period that sex offenders David Cyprys and David Kramer were abusing students has resigned as a teacher at the school.

Rabbi Abraham Glick was the principal of Melbourne's Yeshivah College between 1986 and 2007.

Asked at the Royal Commission on Institutional Responses to Child Abuse on Thursday whether he thought resigning from any remaining positions at the Yeshivah Centre and Yeshivah College "would assist the victims to move on from the wrongs of the past", he announced that, after much "soul searching", he had decided to resign as a teacher.

"I resigned because I felt that [will help meet the] needs of the victims that would want me to resign.

"In the interim... I will resign from any positions that I hold in the Yeshivah College. I [have] resigned from any association with the school because that's where the abuse took place and it was under my leadership. I haven't taken this lightly."

The rabbi, who is still a member of Yeshivah Centre's spiritual leadership, Vaad Ruchni, said he would also review his position there in light of the royal commission's findings.

He is the second person to resign since the commission began its hearing last week on Yeshivah Melbourne and Yeshiva Sydney's responses to child sexual abuse. Senior Sydney Rabbi Yosef Feldman resigned as a director of Yeshiva's board of management after his testimony on Wednesday.

On Thursday Rabbi Glick also denied victims' claims that he knew they had been sexually abused by Cyprys years before he, Cyprys, had been convicted of his crimes. Rabbi Glick said he only learned of this close to Cyprys' conviction in 2011. Cyprys is serving a five-year, six-month sentence for indecent assault charges against children from when he was involved in Yeshivah Centre's sporting, educational, religious and youth programs. [...]

Rabbi Glick apologised to victims, saying he felt "sickened" that they had been abused under his watch.

"I see that many mistakes were made. We should've been more vigilant. We should've responded better. I think that from 2007 we started that process. And today things are very different."

Under cross-examination by AVR's lawyer, Dr Kristine Hanscombe, QC, he conceded he had never before personally apologised to victims or offered them any help. [....]

Guest post wanted on topic: "We were very happily married for 20 years - and then she insisted on a divorce - turned the kids against me and left me penniless - I still don't know why."

update Friday: Bshch  published a strong warning from a beis din in Beitar. - against a therapist for allegedly promoting divorce  Have no personal knowledge about this but it was sent to me by a number readers as reflecting the ideas in this post

update Thursday - see The Ort Family tragedy

I would like a guest posts dealing with first person stories of  the commonly expressed lament I hear of husbands describing a happy marriage of many years, good relations with the children and then they woke up one morning with their wife requesting a divorce. The husband typically could not get the wife to explain what happened or why she wanted a divorce. After the request for divorce there are attempts to mediate by rabbis, friends and therapists - but they fail and the wife left - often taking the kids with her.  - often going to secular court without permission of beis din.

None of these mediators are able to get the wife to express to the husband what happened other than that the wives had a profound feeling of unhappiness that had been growing recently and a feeling that life was passing her by. At some point little attempt is made to reconcile and the husband is deliberately kept in the dark by the therapist and wife. Often the initial neutrality of the therapist is replaced by a decided bias in favor of  the wife's side and they form a coalition against the husband. In addition the therapist has no problem providing confidential information about the husband with the wife's mother or friends. Separate therapy sessions become the norm - rather than joint sessions. The sessions with the wife often revolve around how terrible the husband is or at least how incapable he is of truly being a good husband because of flimsily diagnoses of various psychological deficits or syndromes. Sessions with the husband are to prepare him for the fact that he is inadequate and incapable of making his wife happy. These therapy sessions often combined with feedback from "experts" who are good friends or relatives or lawyers - create an irresistible momentum for divorce at all costs including slandering the husband with charges of wife beating or sexually abusing the children.

Often these wives receive "advice" from friends and relatives to the fact that contrary to their feelings - they were very unhappy and their husband was taking advantage of them and clearly did not respect or value her as an equal. These "advisers" claimed that their husband's viewed them as a type of slave or servant providing various services because he viewed her as inherently inferior. The wife learned that what she had viewed as willing sacrifices for the husband's learning or for him to have a solid relationship with the children - were in fact proof that there was no value to her existence except as a facilitator for his needs. At some point the wife started viewing the husband as "the other" and stopped trusting him and refused to confide in him or even share experiences. 

The husband is often very inarticulate in expressing his feelings to his "new born wife". That is because for years they have shared a language and values that were viewed positively by both of them - and now the wife has a different negative understanding. Every time her husband opens his mouth - it just makes the barriers between them more impenetrable. Typically he doesn't realize this and keeps trying harder to push the buttons and say the words that used to work - but he ends up totally frustrated and angry as well as irritating her. The wife takes this additional proof that he is damaged goods. 

If this sounds familiar please submit your own story - with names and identifying statements removed. Also I am not interested in nasty things said about your ex-wife - just the facts. Also interested in those who deny that this pattern exists.

update====Just received the following response  from a prominent frum therapist ====

Rabbi Eidensohn:

Having worked with couples for many years, I have observed many situations, prior to my intervention, during, and after. There is probably no one with enough data to cite statistics.  But the experience I have, plus many of my colleagues does not point to either gender as the chief perpetrator of divorces. Let us establish a few matters that are not negotiable.

1. Humans were meant to marry and be happy A marriage that dissolves is abnormal, and it is tragic.

2. An old saying is that marriage is grand – divorce a hundred grand.

3. The peaceful divorce is possible, but it is a relatively uncommon experience. It is said, “People marry out of love; they divorce out of hate.”

4. Marriage is a gamble. If one does not “win”, it becomes necessary to face loss. No one wants to do that. It is seen as easier to shift the blame to the other. If not just the blame, then the outcome of the division of assets and resources (including the children) becomes ripe for declaring victory.

5. The systems of lawyers for court and toanim for batei din are ripe for exploitation. Cases are often prolonged, and settlements difficult to reach because of these outside sources of interference.

6. The complexities of the interplay of halacha and secular law provide enough fodder to gum up the works. This includes the use of court prior to beis din, the orders of protection that prevent conduct of the family, and the easy manipulation of the courts to provide emergency orders of custody, visitation, etc.

7. There are “professionals” of many persuasions that lend their incompetence and poor judgment to the mix. There are rabbonim, dayanim, toanim, and choson/kallah teachers, as well as “shalom bayis machers” who reach conclusions as per their preferences, independent of the facts. Many are poorly informed. The ignorance that allows one to fall for the tears of the borderline personalities, and the beliefs that men always perpetrate abuse while women are always the victims, the willingness to paint the facts into the foregone conclusions to rationalize them, and the disregard for the midoh of emes are legendary. Mental health professionals of all disciplines have been faulted for the negative roles they sometimes take.

8. Lastly, there are evil men and women out there, who will twist and turn everything they can to “win”. The craving of victory, as noted by the Chofetz Chaim, is the root of machlokes. This does not stop after separation, or even after divorce. With the observation of my colleagues and myself as the context, I hesitate to give any credence to the oft posted comments about all divorces being perpetrated by evil women or by evil men. With systems as they exist, including courts, batei din, public opinion, and media, there are tendencies to make generalizations that are unfounded. Each case needs to be examined on its own merit.

I have worked with true cases of domestic violence, and I have also worked with fabricated ones.  Who is the real victim?  Generalizations help no one.

One issue that was not reported in the recent guest post was the role of social influences. There are groups of women in the frum community, many who meet online, others face-to-face, that advise each other and conspire how to cause their husbands or ex-husbands the most damage, “using the system”. Without restricting free speech, one cannot successfully eliminate these social environments.  I have succeeded in getting some of my clients to abandon these groups, and to seek support from sources that help build them instead of destroying others.
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Seruv against Ziva Citronenbaum for going to arka'os and not beis din