Schlesinger Twins: One Jewish Mother's International Custody Fight

Forward  In an apartment in the Austrian capital, Beth Alexander is deleting hundreds of photos of her 5-year-old twin boys from Facebook.

In one picture, Benjamin and Samuel are laughing as they hold a toy. In another they are waiting to be served lunch in their native Vienna.

The ordinary snapshots are the kind uploaded by countless mothers all over the world. Yet Alexander, a British-born modern Orthodox mother in her 30s, is barred from displaying them by order of an Austrian court, which in November ruled in favor of her ex-husband’s motion claiming the photos violated the twins’ privacy.

“Removing these pictures is painful to me,” Alexander told JTA this month in an interview via Skype. “They allow my family back in Britain to sort of keep in touch with the boys and they show that despite all that has been said about me, I’m a good mother and the children are happy when they are with me.”

The injunction is the latest in a series of legal setbacks that have left Alexander with restricted access to her boys and declared barely fit to be a mother – rulings that have led to mounting international criticism and claims of a colossal miscarriage of justice.

Leaders of the British and Austrian Jewish communities have spoken out about what they consider to be a highly unusual case that has unfairly limited Alexander’s maternal rights. Her case even made it to the floor of the British Parliament, where lawmakers last year described it as a Kafkaesque situation that has wrongly maligned Alexander as mentally ill and an unfit mother.

“I have no reason to assume that Alexander is in any way incapable of being a mother,” Schlomo Hofmeister, a prominent Viennese rabbi who knows the Schlesinger case well, told JTA. Hofmeister said it was tragic that the children were deprived of equal access to their mother and called on both parents to “find a time-sharing arrangement in the interest of these children, who are suffering.” [...]

Problem of Get on demand and Stealing money through secular courts: Rabbi Chaim Malinowitz

JLaw     Section One

Apart from the bill's flaws with respect to the validity of Gittin, there are three other anti-halachic effects. In the opinion of this writer, these effects are so manifest, so incontrovertible, that it is mystifying that any Orthodox Rabbi, much less any rabbinic institution, can be in favor of it.

I. The first basic flaw in the Get Bill is that it is intended to aid in procuring a Get -- even if there is no reason according to Jewish law to assume a Get to be appropriate.

Halacha does not sanction a Get on demand. True, by biblical law, a man can divorce his wife against her will, without giving any reason whatsoever (although it is "religiously forbidden for him to do so until he has "due cause").⁶ The woman, on the other hand, cannot initiate the act of divorce, although she can claim to have certain specific grounds for a divorce. In other words, she can become the plaintiff in a Din Torah (a legal suit before a Bet Din), claiming that a Get is due her. If she wins her case, the Bet Din will order the husband to give a Get. [...]

Without this halachic process, no one is justified in assuming that a Get is obligatory or even appropriate. Halachically, the marital state cannot be rent asunder on a mere whim, or because of boredom or lack of excitement or inconveniences. Rather, there must be halachic grounds for a Get.[...]

These laws which govern the grounds for a Get are the same as all Torah laws which govern our lives: Just as the laws governing Tzitzit, Tefillin, Shabbat, Lulav and business dealings are those dictated to us by Shulchan Aruch, so, too, are the halachic rules which concern grounds for divorce. Anyone purporting to live a life governed by halacha must orient his/her thinking in this direction. Therefore, action taken by anyone to facilitate a Get for a man/woman if the Get is halachically unjustified, even if that action does not halachically invalidate the Get, is anti-halachic. [This does not refer to friendly persuasion. Surely an outsider, considering it irrational for a spouse to continue a marriage when the other spouse wants a divorce for any reason, would consider it correct to advise a partv to take/receive a Get. But any action beyond such friendly persuasion is morally wrong.]

Lack of appreciation of this basic premise -- that a Get is not to be obtained merely because one wants one - explains much of the erroneous thinking of the proponents of the Get Bill. Nothing in the bill limits its effects to where a competent halachic authority -- a Bet Din -- has found a Get called for. Surprisingly, the proponents of the bill have not felt a need to address this issue, although it seems that it is a call for "Get-on-demand" -- an anti-Halachic statement! (Try to imagine a bill passed in the New York State legislature which mandates that A pay B money, even when their monetary dispute is unresolved -- and A maintains vehemently that he owes no such money!) [...]

III. As we have noted, the prohibition of resorting to the secular courts holds true even if every court action happens to follow all the rules of the Shulchan Aruch. If there are any differences, the additional issue of out-and-out theft arises, if the courts award money or privileges to either party.²¹ (Even in circumstances where one had received permission from a Bet Din to "use the courts" one is prohibited from keeing any monies he is not entitled to according to halacha.)

The Get Bill encourages a woman to use the civil courts to set rates of maintenance and "equitable distribution despite the fact that she might not be entitled to that money according to Jewish law. For example, let us say a woman has no due cause (halachically) for a Get, but has opened a case as the plaintiff in the civil courts for a divorce. Rabbi Akiva Eiger discusses just such a case, and compares this woman to a classic Moredet (a rebellious wife) who is not entitled to receive any support whatsoever. Certainly, too, "equitable distribution" has no halachic equivalent, but is merely the transference of property from one party to the other by state fiat; this money, then, does not belong to the acquiring party al pi din.²⁴ (The chances of "equitable distribution" being covered by the rule of Dina D'malchuta Dina are almost nil. [...]

Redefining Mental Illness:No strict dividing line between psychosis and normal experience

NY Times    TWO months ago, the British Psychological Society released a remarkable document entitled “Understanding Psychosis and Schizophrenia.” Its authors say that hearing voices and feeling paranoid are common experiences, and are often a reaction to trauma, abuse or deprivation: “Calling them symptoms of mental illness, psychosis or schizophrenia is only one way of thinking about them, with advantages and disadvantages.”

The report says that there is no strict dividing line between psychosis and normal experience: “Some people find it useful to think of themselves as having an illness. Others prefer to think of their problems as, for example, an aspect of their personality which sometimes gets them into trouble but which they would not want to be without.”

The report adds that antipsychotic medications are sometimes helpful, but that “there is no evidence that it corrects an underlying biological abnormality.” It then warns about the risk of taking these drugs for years.

And the report says that it is “vital” that those who suffer with distressing symptoms be given an opportunity to “talk in detail about their experiences and to make sense of what has happened to them” — and points out that mental health services rarely make such opportunities available.

This is a radically different vision of severe mental illness from the one held by most Americans, and indeed many American psychiatrists. Americans think of schizophrenia as a brain disorder that can be treated only with medication. Yet there is plenty of scientific evidence for the report’s claims. [...]

Disneyland measles outbreak: Rapid spread by non vaccinated individuals

LA Times    The measles outbreak that began at Disneyland during the holiday season is now spreading beyond people who contracted the disease at the theme park, with those patients now exposing others after returning to their hometowns, health officials said Saturday.

There are now 51 confirmed cases of the highly contagious virus across California, three other states and Mexico, and the Orange County Health Care Agency said the reports of new cases “indicate the measles outbreak will continue to spread.”[...]

Officials say that many who have become ill were not vaccinated for measles. In the San Diego County cases alone, nine out of the 10 who fell ill did not get the measles vaccine.  [...]

But health officials have long expressed fears that progress against measles was threatened by a growing anti-vaccination movement in the United States, based on parents’ fears that the vaccine causes autism -- a theory that has been thoroughly discredited by numerous scientific studies.

“The greatest threat to the U.S. vaccination program may now come from parents’ hesitancy to vaccinate their children,” Dr. Mark Grabowsky, a health official with the United Nations, wrote last year in the Journal of the American Medical Assn.-Pediatrics. "Although this so-called vaccine hesistancy has not become as widespread in the United States as it appears to have become in Europe, it is increasing."

“Many measles outbreaks can be traced to people refusing to be vaccinated; a recent large measles outbreak was attributable to a church advocating the refusal of measles vaccination.”

A Times analysis published last September reported that the rise in vaccine exemptions among kindergartners because of parents’ personal beliefs was most prominent in wealthy coastal and mountain communities, such as southern Orange County and the Santa Monica and Malibu areas. [...]

דרמה: הגר"א שכטר פרש ממועצת גדולי התורה

update January 17: Just spoke with someone who discussed with Rav Ahron Schecter his threat to resign from the Moetzes

Reb Ahron is concerned about a number of issues 1) the dispute in Israel between the followers of Rav Shteinman and Rav Auerbach 2) the fact that certain yeshivos and individuals have been destroyed or messed up as a result of this dispute 3) that it is no longer accepted in Israel that gedolim disagree and that it is legitimate to follow the gadol a person wants 4) the attempt of the Aguda and other American rabbis to take sides in the dispute - when traditionally American gedolim have stayed out of Israeli disputes of this nature 5) his health is not optimal and he doesn't want to squander it in dealing with disputes of this type.

BHOL

(see also Kikar HaShabbat)

דרמה באגודת ישראל בארה"ב: זקן ראשי הישיבות הגאון רבי אהרן שכטר, ראש ישיבת רבינו חיים ברלין וחבר מועצת גדולי התורה, הודיע על פרישתו ממועצת גדולי התורה על רקע הפילוג הליטאי.

לפני כשבועיים התקיימה אסיפת חירום של גדולי התורה בבית ראש הישיבה הגר"א שכטר בפלטבוש בניו יורק, בה הועלתה על ידו דרישה נחרצת להפסיק כל התערבות ולא לתת דריסת רגל בארה"ב לפילוג הליטאי, שכבר גבה מחיר כבד מנשוא בארץ ישראל.

האסיפה התקיימה לאור טענות קשות שהועלו בדבר התערבותה של אגודת ישראל בארה"ב בפילוג הליטאי בישראל.

כידוע, מידי שנה מתקיימת ישיבת 'ירחי כלה' מטעם אגודת ישראל במלון רמדה בירושלים. כשמאות בעלי בתים מגיעים מארה"ב, להשתתף בשיעורי ה'ירחי כלה' מפי גדולי התורה, ראשי ישיבות ומרביצי תורה.

הרבנים משתתפי האסיפה הביעו צער על כך, כי למרות המצב הסבוך, ממשיכה אגודת ישראל לקיים את "ירחי כלה" בירושלים דווקא, כשעל האירוע מעיב צל כבד של מחלוקת וביזוי כבוד התורה.

הגר"א שכטר ציין כי אגודת ישראל באמריקה מאז ומתמיד הייתה מאוחדת ונזהרה מכל שמץ של התערבות במחלוקת. לדבריו היה נחוץ להעביר את ה'ירחי כלה' למיקום גיאוגרפי אחר עד יעבור זעם.

הרבנים ציינו כי בתקופת ייסוד מפלגת "דגל התורה" ע"י הרב שך זצ"ל, הקפידה אגודת ישראל בראשות הרב משה שרר זצ"ל, ובהנחיית הגראמ"מ שך זצ"ל ועמו כל גדולי ישראל שלא לנקוט צד במחלוקת, "באשר כל מהותה של אגודת ישראל היא ליכודם ואחדותם של כל החרדים לדבר ד'".

בשיחה טלפונית שהתקיימה במהלך האסיפה, הבהירו גדולי התורה ליו"ר אגו"י בארה"ב הרב חיים דוד צוויבל כי על אגודת ישראל לסלק את ידם מכל התערבות ונקיטת צד במחלוקת הליטאית, וכי כל פעולה כזאת תכניס את היהדות החרדית בארה"ב לסחרור קלחת המחלוקת המכלה כל חלקה טובה. על כן דרשו הרבנים לבטל את התכנית המקורית של ה'ירחי כלה'.

[...]

Klausenberger Rebbe - American Gittin are problematic

Shefah Chaim(Derashos Chumash - Parasha Beshalach page 224-225):

Mordechai Wolmark - charged with Mendel Epstein - pleads guilty to using threats to obtain a Get

US Attorney's Office     FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

January 14, 2015

TRENTON, N.J. - An Orthodox Jewish rabbi today admitted conspiring to travel to New Jersey to coerce a Jewish man to give his wife a religious divorce – referred to as a “get” – through threats of violence, U.S. Attorney Paul J. Fishman announced.

Martin Wolmark, 56, pleaded guilty before U.S. District Judge Freda L. Wolfson in Trenton federal court to an information charging him with conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce to commit extortion.

According to documents filed in this case and statements made in court:

On Aug. 7, 2013, Wolmark, an ordained Orthodox Jewish rabbi, spoke with a woman and her brother about obtaining a Jewish divorce from the woman’s recalcitrant husband. A get is a divorce document which, according to Jewish Law, must be presented by a husband to his wife to effect their divorce. Unbeknownst to Wolmark, the woman and the brother were actually undercover FBI agents. During the conversation, which was recorded by law enforcement, Wolmark informed the agents that there were two ways to go about obtaining a get from such a recalcitrant husband, one of which was to “nail him.” Wolmark also told the agents that coercing the husband into giving a get could be expensive. He then recommended that the agents speak with his colleague, Mendel Epstein, who he knew had previously used violence to coerce recalcitrant husbands into giving gets to their wives. Wolmark then initiated a conference call with the agents and Mendel Epstein.

On Aug. 14, 2013, the agents met with Mendel Epstein at his home to discuss the case further. On Oct. 2, 2013, Wolmark convened a rabbinical court (a “beth din”) with Mendel Epstein and Jay Goldstein in his office in Suffern, New York. The purpose of this proceeding was to determine whether there were grounds under Jewish law to coerce the husband into giving the get. The female agent also attended and recorded the meeting. During this meeting, Mendel Epstein discussed openly the plan to kidnap and assault the purported husband in order to obtain the get.

On Oct. 9, 2013, a group of Wolmark’s conspirators – including Jay Goldstein, Moshe Goldstein, Avrohom Goldstein, Simcha Bulmash, Ariel Potash, Binyamin Stimler, and Sholom Shuchat – traveled from New York to a warehouse in Edison, New Jersey, with the intent of forcing the purported husband to give his wife a get by means of violence and threats of violence.  Six of these coconspirators previously pleaded guilty to traveling to New Jersey to commit extortion.

The conspiracy count to which Wolmark pleaded guilty carries a maximum potential penalty of five years in prison and a $250,000 fine, or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense. Sentencing is scheduled for May 18, 2015.

U.S. Attorney Fishman credited special agents of the FBI, under the direction of Special Agent in Charge Aaron T. Ford in Newark, for the investigation leading to today’s guilty plea.

The government is represented by Assistant U.S. Attorneys R. Joseph Gribko and Sarah Wolfe of the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Trenton.

The pending charges and allegations against related defendants are merely allegations, and they are considered innocent unless and until proven guilty.

15-016                                          

Defense counsel:  Benjamin Brafman Esq., New York

------------------------------------------------------------------

lohud

An Orthodox Jewish rabbi from Monsey admitted Wednesday to traveling interstate to use threats of violence to force a man to give his wife a religious divorce.

Martin "Mordechai" Wolmark — along with Rabbi Mendel Epstein, a prominent Ultra-Orthodox divorce mediator from Brooklyn — had initially been accused of heading a gang of eight thugs who used cattle prods and other devices to torture men into giving their wives a "get," a document a woman must obtain from her husband should she seek a divorce under Jewish law.

On Wednesday, Wolmark, 56, appeared in a federal courtroom in Trenton, New Jersey, and pleaded guilty to conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce to commit extortion, U.S. Attorney Paul J. Fishman said in a statement.

Ksav Sofer: Why the Egyptians were suspicious of the Jews

Guest post by Rabbi Raffi Bilek

An interesting piece from the Ksav Sofer on Shemos 2:14,

 ספר כתב סופר על שמות פרק ב פסוק יד

אכן נודע הדבר. ונ"ל מבלי להאריך בדקדוקים, ע"פ שמפרשים וירעו אותנו המצרים, דהיינו שהחזיקו אותנו לפועלי און שאין אנו מכירים טובה, וחשדו אותנו כי נוספים אנחנו על שונאיהם ללחום בהם, וזה היה תכלית הרעה שחשבו עלינו רמיה בלב, ועל חשד זה שיעבדו אותנו בעבודת פרך. ולמרע"ה הוקשה איך עלה זה על דעת פרעה ועמו לחשוב מחשבות רעות כאלו, אבל יובן הדבר כי אנו אצל האומות נחשבים לעושי מרמה ותחבולות שונות בעלי מחלוקת וכדומה, יען שהם רואים כי איש (לרעהו) [על רעהו] יעמוד לדחותו מכל וכל ולדבר רעה עליו ולמוסרו ביד שונאיו, ולומדים קו"ח אם איש ברעהו יהתלו מכ"ש שישנאו אותנו ויחשבו עלינו תמיד מחשבות איך לרמות ולהטעות. והנה אילו היו המחרחרי ריב הולכים אל דייני שופטי ישראל לשאול את פיהם, לא היו הגוים יודעים מרמיות ותחבולות בני עמינו, אבל המה מוסיפים חטא ואשמה ואין נוטים אזנים לשופטים ודייני ישראל, רק מקריבים דינם אל שופטי אומות, וע"י זה נתחלל שמו הגדול ית"ש:

It appears to me, without discussing inferences extensively, according to what the commentators say about the verse “vayerau’u osanu hamitzrim” (Dev. 26:6), i.e. that they held us to be sinners since we were not grateful to them, and they were suspicious of us that we would join their enemies to wage war against them, and this was the evil that they ascribed to us, that they thought we were duplicitous, and as a result of this suspicion they enslaved us with crushing labor. And Moshe Rabbeinu asked how it could possibly occur to Pharaoh and his nation to think such negative thoughts; but the matter can be understood since we are thought of by the non-Jews as cheaters, schemers, quibblers and so on, since they see that people are trying to oust their fellow Jews, to speak evil about them, and to hand them over to their enemies. The non-Jews learn a fortiori from this that if the Jews are willing to fight against each other, all the more so they will fight against them and think constantly how to cheat and mislead them.  If these rabble-rousers would go to the Jewish judges to ask of them, the non-Jews would not know about the duplicity and cheating of our people; but instead they add sin and guilt and do not listen to the judges of Israel, rather they bring their cases to the gentile judges, and thus is the name of G-d profaned.”

The Ksav Sofer appears to accept here as a given that there are nasty people among the Jews – cheaters, liars, informers, and so on.  He laments, however, that in light of the existence of these problems Jews will take their suits to secular court rather than avail themselves of the Jewish judicial system.  (I presume that he would not be opposed to using the secular court where a beis din would rule it permissible.)  If we must accept that there are such low-level people among the Jewish nation, at least, he seems to suggest, let us avoid “airing our dirty laundry” by bringing in the non-Jewish authorities.

This is obviously not a new concern, nor is it out of fashion.  Readers of this blog have surely encountered this perspective in the very many discussions of child sexual abuse in the Orthodox community.  Of course, the Ksav Sofer was living in a different time and place than we are, and so while the keep-it-under-wraps approach certainly has a Torah basis, we need to make sure we are applying it appropriately for our generation. 

Were it realistically possible to manage sexual abuse cases within the Jewish community, I think that approach would have a lot more supporters. Unfortunately, as we have all seen too many times now, the Jewish infrastructure is not at this time able to address the problem.  The Baltimore Vaad Harabbonim put out an explicit statement to this effect, and over time more and more poskim have come to permit reporting to secular authorities from the outset.  If we are to protect our children, we must be prepared to do so.  There’s no question that it doesn’t make frum Jews look good when these things are plastered across the news – but the responsibility for the chillul Hashem lies squarely with the perpetrator of the abuse, not with those who try to stop him.  As always, Torah perspectives that were taken for granted in the past need to be balanced with daas and sensitivity to current concerns.

Schlesinger Twins: Chabad of Manchester supports Beth

Siruv against Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Kaufman by Beis Din Givas Hamorah

See previous post 
See post regarding siruv issued by Rabbi Kaufman

Landmark Program Uncovers False-Positive In Neonatal Herpes Case (Why does New York City refuse to do DNA testing?)

Yated Why would a mistaken diagnosis in a case of reported neonatal herpes make headlines anywhere - especially if no adverse health consequences resulted from the error? Yet a false positive diagnosis of this nature, recently reported by the Rockland County Department of Health, has stirred profound interest in the Orthodox community.

 

That’s because the erroneous diagnosis involved a Jewish baby boy who had undergone bris milah with metzitzah b’peh and was brought to a NYC hospital with a respiratory infection. He was immediately tested for neonatal herpes, although no symptoms of the virus were present. To the parents’ surprise, the test was positive.

Weeks later, to the family’s relief, those findings were discredited in a most unusual way - through a landmark DNA testing program in existence for only two years. The baby’s long hospitalization and treatment for herpes turned out to be totally unnecessary. 

This strange turn of events has raised questions about other City-reported cases of herpes. In view of the DOH’s relentless efforts to cast mbp as deadly to babies, the discovery that the “positive” was a false-positive has fueled suspicions that other reported cases of HSV-1 infections following bris milah might have also been false-positive.

Perhaps even more newsworthy, the findings of a misdiagnosis also revealed the existence of the trailblazing DNA testing program quietly launched in Rockland County in 2013 to track the source of herpes infection in infants. 

This extraordinary program was formed by the Rockland County Department of Health working in close cooperation with the Orthodox Jewish community.

The DNA program - the very first of its kind anywhere - can track the source of HSV-1 by comparing samples of the virus in the afflicted infant with samples of DNA from the mohel, the baby’s parents and the main caregivers. The testing is done in the State’s Wadsworth Laboratory in Albany, the one facility in New York - and perhaps in the country - that performs DNA testing of this nature. [...]

Muslim Employee of Kosher Market in Paris Praised for Hiding Customers From Gunman

NY Times  As the authorities in France worked on Saturday to piece together the sequence of events at a kosher supermarket in Paris where a gunman and four hostages were killed on Friday, there was an outpouring of praise online for a young employee credited with saving the lives of some customers by hiding them in a cold-storage room.

The employee, Lassana Bathily, 24, was identified in the French news as a Muslim from Mali who worked at the supermarket, Hyper Cacher, near the Porte de Vincennes in eastern Paris.

In an interview with the French channel BFMTV, Mr. Bathily said he ushered about 15 people into the basement room after the gunman burst into the shop. He then turned off the power and the lights.

Личная война Бесс Александер - Schlesinger Twins

Relevant Info  (posted with permission of the author - Google Translate does a good job)

В интервью газете HuffPost UK Бесс сказала, что её мальчики не говорят вообще – в возрасте 4 лет. Они могут лишь произнести несколько слов на смеси английского и немецкого, не знают никаких игр или песен. В центр встреч дети приходят с грязными, спутанными волосами, в грязной, давно не стиранной одежде, немытыми и очень, очень напуганными. Знакомые семьи подали многочисленные жалобы о состоянии детей в социальные службы, но ни одна из них не была принята к сведению. 

Жила-была в Манчестере девушка по имени Бесс Александер, религиозная еврейка, окончившая Кэмбриджский университет.  И однажды она познакомилась в Париже с доктором из Австрии, Михаэлем Шлезингером, тоже ортодоксальным евреем, принадлежащим к одной из наиболее влиятельных и богатых семей в Австрии. Бесс поспешила выйти за него замуж. Вскоре она поняла, что совыршила ужасную ошибку. Муж издевался над ней, угрожал и бил, даже после рождения детей – близнецов Самуэля и Бенжамина. В 2010 году Шлезингер попытался добиться госпитализации жены в психиатрической лечебнице закрытого типа, но вместо этого полиция удалила из дома его, посчитав, что его поведение представляет угрозу для жены и детей. Доктор бил не только жену, но также и своего тестя, и даже собственного отца.

Шлезингер позвонил судье Верховного суда Австрии, своему близкому другу Констанзе Тау, и поросил ее поговорить с судьей, которая вела его дело о насилии в семье и разводе, Сюзанне Готтлихер. После встречи друх судей, Готтлихер изменила своё мнение и постановила, что отныне Бесс не будет иметь полной опёки над детьми, как было решено раньше. Половину времени они будут проводить с отцом. Бесс был перекрыт выезд за границу. Слушания в суде не было – судья приняла это решение за кулисами. В 2011 году Шлезингер потребовал психиатрической экспертизы для своей бывшей жены. Экспертизы была проведена на немецком языке, которым Бесс почти не владеет. Психиатр ( состоящий в штате судьи Констанзы Тау) пришел к выводу о её неадекватности, основываясь на том, что она отвечала медленно и неуверенно… Вам это ничего не напоминает, уважаемые читатели?

Неоднократно проведенные независимые экспертизы показали, что Бесс вполне адекватна и способна заботиться о детях. Несмотря на это, судья Готтлихер вынесла постановление о передаче детей под полную опеку Шлезингера. Дети были букально вырваны из её рук полицией. Несчастная женщина подавала одну апелляцию за другой, включая Верховный Суд Австрии , но ни одна из них не была рассмотрена, без объяснения причин.

Дети находятся под надзором няньки-филипиннки, не говорящей ни на одном из европейских языков. Отец детей отменяет все посещения матери – за последние несколько лет он отменил 50 визитов (!)- за которые она должна платить центру посещений – 40 евро за визит, вне зависимости от того, состоялась ли встреча в детьми.

В интервью газете HuffPost UK Бесс сказала, что её мальчики не говорят вообще – в возрасте 4 лет. Они могут лишь произнести несколько слов на смеси английского и немецкого, не знают никаких игр или песен. В центр встреч дети приходят с грязными, спутанными волосами, в грязной, давно не стиранной одежде, немытыми и очень, очень напуганными. Знакомые семьи подали многочисленные жалобы о состоянии детей в социальные службы, но ни одна из них не была принята к сведению.

Доктор Шлезингер отказался комментировать состояние, в которм находятся его дети. (История его семьи может пролить свет на его поведение. При разводе его родителей его мать получила все права на детей и не давала отцу видеться с ними. До сегодняшнего дня он не поддерживает отношений с отцом и ненавидит его – в сущности, совершенно незнакомого человека).

Как известно, Британские официальные лица, и уж тем более правительство, крайне неохотно вмешиваются в то, что происходит с их гражданами за границей. Но в этом случае злоключения гражданки Великобритании заслужили внимание членов Парламента и обсуждение в Палате Общин. Грахам Стрингер, депутат Парламента назвал случай Бесс Шлезингер «Кафкианским» и «недоступным пониманию». В докладе в Палате Общин Стрингер рассказал депутатам о сотоянии детей, о том, что у одного из мальчиков отсутствуют 4 передних зуба, а у второго – два, без всяких на то медицинских оснований. Судья Готтлихер отклонила раппорт из ясель малышей, в котором говорилось о том, что они плачут и прячутся при виде отца. Дети серьёзно отстают в развитии – чего не наблюдалось, когда они жили с матерью – и черезвычайно травмированы.

Бесс рассказала в интервью HuffPost UK, что её семья готовит иск в Европейский Суд по правам человека, при помощи Британского правительства. (Что само по себе очень необычно и доказывает неординарность этого случая).

Бесс борется за право быть матерью своим детям уже 3 года.

В статье, написанной самой Бесс, она расказывает о невыносимой боли разлуки с детми, о их дне рождения, праздниках и семейных торжествах, проходящих без них. О том, как она вернулась на Рош Га-Шана в Манчестер, чтобы не быть одной на праздники, и как рыдала в объятиях своей матери в синагоге, когда трубили в Шофар. О двойной боли ее матери – за дочь и за внуков.

Шлезингер утверждает, что Бесс отошла от религии (что не соответствует действительности,) и община Вены отвернуласть от неё, оклеветанной чужестранки, по указанию раввинов.

При чём тут мы и Израиль, скажут читатели.

Все евреи ответственны друг за друга, и когда где-то совершается зло, мы не имеем права просто стоять и смотреть. Евреи диаспоры и Израиля всегда связаны. И не только в таких случаях, как дело Полларда, когда человек пожертвовал всем ради Израиля, но и в таких, когда вроде бы Израилю нет до этого никакого дела.

Очень часто зло совершается совсем рядом с нами. Бесс – далеко не единственный человек, пострадавший от произвола чиновников, коррупции, лжи и поклёпа. Наверняка каждый из нас знает о случаях, когда это происходило в Израиле. Особенно страдают иностранцы и олим, не говорящие на иврите. Об одной из них я расскажу в следующей статье.

Бесс и её семья просят, чтобы о её истории узнали как можно больше людей. Никому не известно, где найдётся человек, который сможет ей помочь. Все материалы для этой статьи находятся в открытом доступе в Интернете, на сайте семьи Александер и в Британской прессе.

Setting a Personal Example - reasons why it doesn't always work by Allan Katz

 Guest post by Allan Katz 

Setting a personal example is said to be crucial in the parenting or educating children. However, there are many kids and students who are being raised and educated in an environment where parents and teachers are setting great personal examples and yet it has no impact on these kids or on students.  So what is the problem?

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Setting a personal example is said to be crucial in the parenting or educating children.  Albert Einstein   said  - “Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.”

 For sure the ' Do as I say and not Do as I do '   attitude and approach of care givers just undermines the credibility and authenticity of a parent and teacher. However, there are many kids and students who are being raised and educated in an environment where parents and teachers are setting great personal examples and yet it has no impact on these kids or on students.  So what is the problem?

The problem is the behaviorist nature of ' setting a personal example'. Education is not about a passive student or child absorbing information but a child and student actively noticing what is happening around them and then making meaning of this. In order to learn from the personal example of a parent, teacher or Rabbi, the child needs to notice and to be sensitive to the nuances and the motives behind the behavior or personal example set by his parent, teacher etc. One can only benefit from ' Shimush Talmeidi Chachamim ', being an apprentice to great sages or being exposed to them if one keenly observes and is sensitive to the example they set.  Education is not only noticing the inconsistencies and incongruent passages or words in a text, but to notice them in situations and on peoples' faces. Kids and students don't learn from 'personal example ' because they are simply not sensitive enough to be aware of what is happening and certainly they are not in a position to reflect and learn from personal example.

The portion-parasha of Shemot has examples where actively noticing something peculiar in the environment actually changed history. Pharaoh's daughter noticed a basket hidden among the reeds. This led her to being a mother to Moses – the future savior and redeemer of the Israelites in Egypt. Moses himself while looking after Yitro- Jethro's flocks in the desert noticed a fire, a burning bush. This excited his curiosity. He went to investigate and he saw that the bush was burning but not being consumed .If he would not have noticed the bush, he would not have experienced God's revelation and accepting the leadership role to take the Israelites out of Egypt.  As they journey towards Mount Moriah, the place where the 'Akeidat Yitzchak' – the binding of Isaac would take place, Abraham and Isaac notice a cloud hovering over the mountain. Abraham says – do you notice what I see and Isaac says yes. Abraham asks the same question to his 2 attendants and they did not see anything unique. This ability to notice reflected on Isaac's spiritual insight which made him fit to be an offering, while the attendants who did not notice could not continue the journey.

Kids and people have a problem about being grateful and expressing gratitude. As a sign of gratitude, Moses does not execute the plague of blood that turned the Nile and other water resources into blood, and the plague of lice that infected the dust and ground, because he was saved by the Nile and he hid the dead Egyptian in the sand. In order to be grateful and express gratitude - ha'carat ha'tov  in  Hebrew, one has to be aware and recognize the good that was done. People simply are not aware and don't see the good done to them. This is reinforced by the fact that people don't like to feel indebted to others so we tend to subconsciously minimize or ignore the good done to us.

We are told in the Ethics of our Fathers that a wise person learns from every person. The difficulty people have in learning from the example of others is that they t end to be very judgmental and only notice things that already fit in with their  world view and justify their  opinions about  people and events. This is very true if kids don't have a good relationship with parents and teachers and don't see them as their teachers and guides. Kids must have a good relationship with parents and teachers and seek relationship in order to   benefit from the example set by care givers and teachers.

Setting an example is not enough. We have to bring kids ' behind the scenes ' and share our thinking, our motives and values behind our decisions and actions. We can share our dilemmas, our concerns and perspectives and get a kid's input as well. Kids can also pick up our attitude, enthusiasm and why we feel joy and privilege in what we do. The best way to set an example is to get them involved with us, cooperating and collaborating when appropriate and solving problems in a collaborative way. In this way, we teach them the skills needed for their lives, adult life and marriage.