Netziv(Bereishis 2:24):
therefore a man should leave
his father and mother and cleave to his
wife – from this we learn the advice that the only way to deal with with his
lust and feeling he is lacking a ezer kenegdo must be in the following manner
he must leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and then they
will be they will be one flesh That he will love her also as they are
like a single person as it states in Yevamos (62b): that if a man loves his
wife as himself and also then she will not be entirely subordinate as was the
first wife who was viewed as an integral part of him but rather as one flesh.
So just as he is concerned with what is good for him and he wants wants to
fulfill her wants entirely. Similarly she should also do that when she wants to
do what is best for herself and he will fulfill her wishes. Nevertheless since the causes of the first woman are an
inherent part of her nature therefore she remains in her existence as a
helper(facilitator). Even though she was not that way initially but became that
after eating from the Tree of Knowledge – as we will explain in verse
(Bereishis 3:20): this is included in the creation of the world on the 6th
day. And only one who merits this obtains
love from his wife with total abnegation as Eve was before the Sin. Therefore there are two types of cleaving of Adam and Eve In order that there be for all
time two types of love of a wife to her
husband and similarly the manner of a person in serving G-d. All this was done
on the first day when they were created as we will see in Bereishis 2:4). Thus
was their nature made to have love of the woman and her life with the man. Just
as Ben Azai says at the end Kidushin. “I
was created to serve my Master. And they were created to serve me.” To the
degree man serves G-d, his wife will serve him or it will be determined by
Mazal as is true for all aspects of man. Which comes about through Divine
providence according to his deeds either with good or bad Mazal as is the
principle governing the world
Best realistic advice I ever read:
ReplyDeleteIf a woman treats her husband like a king, he will treat her like a queen. If she treats him like a servant, he's enforce his kingship and she'll wind up a servant working for the king.
Haha, try telling that at a feminist convention or Shul!
ReplyDeleteactually that is the Rambam but it is not what the Netziv is saying
ReplyDeleteRambam(Hilchos Ishus 15:20): And thus our Sages commanded that the wife should honor her husband to an extreme degree and she should be in awe of him and should do everything according his instructions. She should view him as a prince or king and act according to the wishes of his heart and avoid all that he dislikes. This is the way of holy and pure Jewish women and men in marriage. Following these guidelines will lead to having a pleasant and praiseworthy life.