The insensitive condescension of the secular towards the Orthodox community

One of the consequences of my posting Rav Sternbuch’s psak regarding calling the police for child molesters is the manifestation of the significant gap between those who observe halacha and those who accept secular ideas and values as the objective standard of reality. I had noted that one of the reasons for consulting with a rav is the fact that the police and mental health workers are not always sensitive to religious values and not always sensitive to the welfare of the child. There is often a condescending attitude towards the “primitive” or “unenlightened” Orthodox which is the result of cultural bias – not scientific facts.

An example of the concern that religious Jews have about the secular system is clearly manifest in the following letter I received. I am using Vicki Polin’s letter as an example because there is no question that she is sincere and dedicated in helping people. But it is also clear she has no clue about halacha and religious sensibilities. She read my first posting, and assumed that Rav Sternbuch – who she admits she never heard of before – must be ignorant. And she was so sure – without checking the facts – that she writes a strong letter of condemnation to be posted on my blog. She drew the erroneous conclusion that his concern is shielding the molester from the police – when in fact the opposite is true. She concludes with “Most professionals want to do what they can to help and understand the cultural differences. I'm sure that Rabbi Sternbuch knows this and I'm afraid to say I think that he is trying to sell a bag of goods, with his fear tactics of saying the police will not work with or understand the cultural differences.”

A rather condescending comment which those in the religious community find offensive and as justification for their concerns with the insensitivities towards religious values.

Here are four examples of many from my personal experience.

1) I once consulted with a secular psychologist regarding a yeshiva bachur who had problems of low self-esteem. The psychologist responded that the problem was the result of the fact that the 17 year old bachur did not have a girl friend for sexual relations. When I objected that this was unacceptable, he replied that this was the only possible treatment for the problem!

2) I know a frum family which was falsely accused of child abuse. The police department was called in and they arrived in force - insisting on being allowed into the house without warrant – or the parents would be taken to jail. They then demanded that all the children be separated from their parents and interrogated. It was only due to the fact that one of the neighbors was a lawyer that the crude pressure tactics were called off and the lawyer said this is not unusual. Even if the accusations were true, there was no justification for the gross insensitivity displayed. Even if we grant that these mental health professions really want to help – it doesn’t ensure that they act appropriately.

3) One of the social workers who was interrogating the children asked a ten year old girl how many children there were in the family. When she was told that there were nine children, this frum girl was asked how many men her mother had lived with.

4) I once was dealing with a yeshiva bachur who was placed in a mental hospital after attempting suicide. I was asked to give background information to the social worker at the hospital. When I asked her not to lock the door of her office because it was against Jewish law, she asked me with a smirk, whether I was afraid she would attack me.

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Vicki Polin, MA, NCC, LCPC wrote regarding - Rabbi Moshe Sternbuch's Guidelines for Calling the Police

It saddens me a great deal to read this posting. With all the information and education that is available to our rabbonim it appears that they are still refusing to learn from their past mistakes. I'll admit that I have never heard of Rabbi Moshe Sternbuch until I received an e-mail with the link to this blog.

My hope by providing the following information will help to prevent one more child from being harmed and that those who are already victims of sex crimes, the will be able to receive the proper help.

It's obvious that Rabbi Sternbuch is lacking basic knowledge about sex offenders and the needs of those who have been sexually violated as children. The most important message that needs to get out is that each of us should consider ourselves mandated reporters. This basically means if you SUSPECT a child is in danger you have to call your local hotline, rape crisis center or police. You don't go to a rabbi to get permission or have them make the call. The key word here is "SUSPECT." We need to leave all the investigating and fact finding/gathering to law enforcement and not our rabbonim.

Most children don't come out and say "I'm being raped at home, school, camp and or in shul." If we suspect a child is being harmed or at risk of harm it's vitally important that we don't ask the child leading questions. It's best to have a highly trained mental health professional and or child protection worker who works with law enforcement to talk to the child to get information.

How many times do I have to remind everyone that our rabbis DO NOT have specialized training in collecting forensic evidence nor do they have the education, training or skills to do a victim sensitive interview. Going to a rav "with concerns" just doesn't work. It's much better for the individual who suspects a child is at risk of harm to call their local child abuse hotlines directly.

The concern Rabbi Sternbuch has regarding child protection workers, rape victim advocates and the police not being "sensitive to the needs and nature of the charedi community" is not true in most cases. Most professionals want to do what they can to help and understand the cultural differences. I'm sure that Rabbi Sternbuch knows this and I'm afraid to say I think that he is trying to sell a bag of goods, with his fear tactics of saying the police will not work with or understand the cultural differences.