Chabad: Serious issues that need to be addressed

Anonymous Guest Post UPDATE  - LINKS TO PREVIOUS POSTS

I couldn't help but notice the recent launch of 2 Biographies (arguably hagiographies) of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, one written by Joseph Telushkin and the other by Adin Steinsaltz. These book launches coincided with the very public events to commemorate his 20th yahrzeit. It is important to note, that by all accounts, Rabbi Schneerson was a very great man. he was an extraordinary Talmid Chacham and a formidable, charismatic leader who reached countless Jews in spreading Torah and Jewish values. However, since his sad passing in 1994, Chabad as a movement seems to have lost direction and has developed very disturbing problems to followers and other Jews around the globe.

Much has been spoken about the Moshiach issue and many debates have arisen in books and online articles about the compatibility of the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach and accepted Judaism. One such extensive piece is written here: http://moshiachcontroversy.wordpress.com/

It seems to me, that even if it is possible for this Moshiach viewpoint to be halachically acceptable, it relies on outlying opinions and non-mainstream halachah/philosophy. It is therefore very much a "bedieved" position at best. Why do Chabad followers feel the need to rely on such a "bedieved" opinion at all? Why does it sit at the heart of the Chabad philosophy to the point that it is nearly impossible to find a Shliach that does not believe in the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach?

More worryingly we are seeing ever increasing cult-like behavior of chabad followers. Examples include:

1) Regarding the Rebbe (whether alive or not) as some sort of super human or Messiah

2) A large picture of the the Lubavitcher Rebbe in nearly every Shliach's home ( http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/166901/jewish/Why-the-Big-Picture-of-the-Rebbe-in-Your-Home.htm ).

3) Aggressive programs of outreach to bring outsiders into the group. Notice that the Chabad outreach programs attempts to turn people into followers of Chabad, rather than Judaism.

4) Many followers "consult the Rebbe" before making decisions like where to live, who to date etc. This is done by visiting his grave or sending an email to have someone else do it. ( http://www.chabad.org/tools/ohel_cdo/aid/36248/jewish/Send-a-Letter.htm )

5) Chabad Rabbis often set themselves up as a "parallel" community in towns where there is an established Jewish presence (Schools, Shuls, etc...). This was most notable in Russia where Chabad actually took over ( http://www.haaretz.com/news/no-love-lost-1.176188 ), but this is a common theme around Europe and elsewhere. Furthermore, when Chabad Rabbis hold pulpit positions in non-Chabad Shuls, it is often the case (although not always) that they slowly bring in Chabad customs and erode the minhagim of the community.

But it doesn't stop there. We have all read in the newspapers exposing some Chabad Rabbis as molesters having corrupt practices. This is currently most notable in Australia where it seems the whole Chabad infrastructure has been covering up abuse for decades. It is true that this is not unique to Chabad, but when Chabad have a marketing program with messages like these, a greater effort should be made to clean up their act:

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/36226/jewish/About-Chabad-Lubavitch.htm

"Chabad Lubavitch worldwide is organized to reach out and help the hungry and the needy among us. For it has always been the Chabad tradition never to turn away a person in need."

I do not wish to see the Chabad movement dissolved, nor do I want Chabad to be segregated to a non-accepted form of Judaism. However, I do think there are very serious issues affecting us all that need to be debated. Many Rabbis won't speak out on these points because there is too much political stake or conflict of interest. The Chabad issues are the elephant in the room that will only get bigger over time unless we confront them now.
=====================================UPDATE=================
Previous discussions of the dispute over Chabad and  the kabbalistic concept of Tzitzum

Rebbe's view of Tzitzum

Chabad - Tzitzum is literal or figurative?


Tzitzum Grav vs Baal HaTanya

Chabad - do words have meaning?

Rabbi David Sedley's Review of Tzitzum Concept

Rabbi Tzadok's Varying views of Tzitzum

Rabbi Oliver and Chabad apologetics

Current generation of Chabad misunderstands Kabbala?

Chabad chasid: Is Rebbe Moshiach?

Chabad I one true form of Judaism?

Chabad II - one true form of Judaism?

Chabad - Atzmut in body - Rabbi Oliver vs Rabbi Berger

Chabad can only be understood by those who accept its beliefs Rabbi Berger response

Chabad can only be understood by those who accept its beliefs - Rabbi Oliver
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RaP's Interlinear critique of "Chabad: Serious issues that need to be addressed"

Guest post by Recipients and Publicity (RaP)

"I couldn't help but notice the recent launch of 2 Biographies (arguably hagiographies) of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, one written by Joseph Telushkin and the other by Adin Steinsaltz. These book launches coincided with the very public events to commemorate his 20th yahrzeit."

RaP: This is not unique to Chabad, it is done by all the groups all the time. ArtScroll publishing is constantly timing the release of biographies of various Gedolim to coincide within the year of their passing, or with some other related events. The 20 years since the passing of the last Lubavitcher Rebbe zt"l (known to most as "The Rebbe") is notable because in spite of all the difficulties the movement has faced without him at the helm, yet they have doubled their Shluchim and their efforts have continued stronger than even before undiminished and undimmed by the passage of time. In fact a generation of young Lubavitchers that has no direct personal experience of the Rebbe himself is now coming forth and getting ready to go into manning the frontlines with the same or greater  enthusiasm than their elders.

"It is important to note, that by all accounts, Rabbi Schneerson was a very great man. he was an extraordinary Talmid Chacham and a formidable, charismatic leader who reached countless Jews in spreading Torah and Jewish values."

RaP: This is almost a superfluous statement. No one would say about any great Rebbe or Rosh Yeshiva that he was anything else but a great Talmid Chochem etc.

"However, since his sad passing in 1994, Chabad as a movement seems to have lost direction and has developed very disturbing problems to followers and other Jews around the globe."

RaP: This is not true. Not just Chabad, but Satmar has split into two factions after the passing of their last Rebbe (between two sons of the previous Satmar Rebbe) , so has Bobov in the USA split into two factions after the passing of their last Rebbe (between a son and son-in-law of the previous Bobover Rebbe). And so have Vizhnitz in Israel split into two factions (between two sons of the previous Vizhnitzer Rebbe). In Chabad there has been a split between the radical Meshichistim (mostly in Israel) and the less strident true-believers (mostly the global Shluchim), but they all have faith that the last Lubavitcher will never be succeeded by another. A big problem is that many of the youth in Crown Heights and children of Shluchim do not relate to these high Chasidic ideals and have gone off the derech (OTD), but that has not stopped the official movement in any way from

expanding.

"Much has been spoken about the Moshiach issue and many debates have arisen in books and online articles about the compatibility of the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach and accepted Judaism."

RaP: To Litvaks and Misnagdim and non-Chasidim this may be a puzzle, but it does not baffle people who know that from its inception Chasidism is a Messianic movement. The Baal Shem Tov the founder of Chasidism wanted to introduce a movement that inspires people to bring the true Jewish Mashiach. He succeeded where Shabtai Tzvi failed according to Rav A.Y. Kook, since the last era of the 6,000 years of world history is the era of bringing Mashiach. All Chasidic movements believe this, even about their own Rebbes, it is built into their spiritual DNA and it cannot be changed. It is what gives them strength. It is also what got them into trouble with the Vilna Gaon who put them ALL in Cherem (excommunication). So basically it is an ideological split in Ashkenazi Jewry between those who follow the Baal Shem Tov and those who follow the Vilna Gaon. The Chasidish world will never compromise on it, and the Lubavitchers are some of it loudest proponents. They have the Tanya which was written by the first Lubavitcher Rebbe and it is the "Bible" of ALL Chasidim, with the Shulchan Aruch HaRav by the Baal HaTanya as the Halachic basis for that as well. It is a very strong position and cannot be opposed, it can only be ignored and isolated but it cannot be expunged or removed at this stage of history because Chasidus, with Lubavitch as part of it is too powerful. Rav Shach zt"l in his day did his part of opposing the Rebbe and making the views of the Litvaks known, but since that time people who do NOT subscribe to Lubavitch have just let them

be since there is nothing to be done really.

"It seems to me, that even if it is possible for this Moshiach viewpoint to be halachically acceptable, it relies on outlying opinions and non-mainstream halachah/philosophy. It is therefore very much a "bedieved" position at best. Why do Chabad followers feel the need to rely on such a "bedieved" opinion at all? Why does it sit at the heart of the Chabad philosophy to the point that it is nearly impossible to find a Shliach that does not believe in the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach?"

RaP: Great question and your question is also your answer! It is part of their Chasidus, like asking people with blue eyes why they have to have such types of eyes. Answer: It is in their DNA! You need to get more acquainted with what Chasidus is all about. It involves learning something about the

Zohar, Kabbalah, writings of the Rebbes, Midrashim and Maharal. Basically it is about the NISTAR of Torah that Chasidim are revealing, implementing, practicing and spreading. That is the point of the spiritual revolutions begun since the year 5000 (the sixth millennium), equivalent to "Erev Shabbos" when the world gets ready for "Shabbos", during the 5000s there are spiritual revolutions, along come the Zohar, Ramban, the ARI and the many Mekubalim who reveal the Zohar, the Ramban, the Maharal, the Ramchal, the Vilna Gaon and his Kabbalah, the Mussar Movement, the Baal Shem Tov and the Chasidic movement with its Rebbes and Chasidus, they are revealing NISTAR (the "hidden"), the SOD ("secret/s") of PARDES, the "Ohr HaGanuz" the "Ohr HaTorah" to prepare the world for the true Jewish Mashiach, the Final Redemption, the Acharis HaYamim ("End of Days"), the Ingathering of the Exiles, the War of Gog and Magog, rebuilding of the Bais HaMikdash, and the entry into the Gan Eden and the Olam Haba with the arrival of Eliyahu HaNavi and the notion of Mashiach Ben Yosef and Mashiach Ben Dovid, and Yom Shekulo Shabbos, is integral to that entire continuum and process! And all Chasidus with Lubavitch is part of this and takes it very seriously and succeed on that basis because they are riding the next big and current wave in Jewish history, the coming of the true Mashiach. Okay so they believe that "their Rebbe" is it, but this is something that all Chasidim believe. Breslov has been supporting Reb Nachman of Breslov for a long time after he has passed
away and they are getting stronger than ever!

"More worryingly we are seeing ever increasing cult-like behavior of chabad followers."

RaP: One needs to be very careful with this "label" of "cult" because it is used against by enemies of any Charedi and Chasidic group. Thus if one does not like Yeshivisha people or any other type of Orthodox or Chasidisha people they get tagged with the "cult" label which while it may have some elements of truth is to miss the point. People even label Judaism and all religions as "cults" so it does not help to use this term in a serious discussion.

"Examples include:
1) Regarding the Rebbe (whether alive or not) as some sort of super human or
Messiah"

RaP: To all Chasidim, not just to Lubavitchers, their Rebbe is a superman because they believe that a Chasidisha Rebbe is the "Tzadik" ("tzadik yesod olam") who has direct access to God! All Chasidim look to a Rebbe to bless them and provide "CHAYEI (happy/successful life), BONEI (healthy/good children), MEZONEI" (food/wealth) and in return the Chasidim follow the Rebbe unquestioningly  and give him money and do whatever he asks of them -- if one has never heard of this then they have not begun the ABCs of knowingwhat Chasidus and following a Rebbe, any Rebbe, is about.

"2) A large picture of the Lubavitcher Rebbe in nearly every Shliach's home"

RaP: Every frum Jew has pictures of the Gedolim he and his family venerate,so this is not noteworthy. Some Lubavitchers place photos of the Rebbe into their shulls. It is controversial. There is their view that some hold that because so to speak, God "puts his essence into a body" ("atzmus beguf") that it is the Rebbe that is the one in whom God places his essence ("atzmus in a guf") which is a controversial notion, but still within the range of what many Chasidim hold. To be sure, it is a different way of serving God, and very strange for those not part of it. But much of what Chasidim do is strange to outsiders, such as their dress, their education, their attitudes to secular education, to women, and many other things.

"3) Aggressive programs of outreach to bring outsiders into the group.
Notice that the Chabad outreach programs attempts to turn people into
followers of Chabad, rather than Judaism."

RaP: This not unique to Lubavitch, they are being copied by many others. The Modern Orthodox do huge amounts of outreach and every group that makes the effort wants the newcomers to follow in their ways. Among Chasidim, only Lubavitch and Breslov do massive outreach, because according to them the Mashiach cannot come until all Jews are reached anywhere and everywhere. On the other hand most other Chasidic groups, like Satmar, Gur, Bobov do not do outreach to secular Jews. The Belzer Chasidim have been doing a limited amount of outreach as well. But huge organizations basically affiliated with Agudas Yisrael, such as Lev LeAchim, Shuvu, AJOP, Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva,Neve Yerushalayim, Ohr Somayach and Aish HaTorah and many others do outreach all over the world.

"4) Many followers "consult the Rebbe" before making decisions like where to
live, who to date etc. This is done by visiting his grave or sending an
email to have someone else do it.

RaP: Visiting graves of venerated ancestors and Tzadikim is something that ALL Chasidim do very seriously. There are reasons for this. Litvaks have the Goral HaGra, believe in "Simanim", and consult Daas Torah all the time. Only the Modern Orthodox and Mizrach do not do any of this (maybe when they are caught in foxholes they may resort to it!)

"5) Chabad Rabbis often set themselves up as a "parallel" community in towns
where there is an established Jewish presence (Schools, Shuls, etc...). This
was most notable in Russia where Chabad actually took over but this is a
common theme around Europe and elsewhere."

RaP: Yes, Chabad is very aggressive and they work in an organized way to take over. The only strategy if one does not like it is to try to beat them at their own game. In the USA, the BMG Lakewood Yeshiva has exported dozens of out-of-town small Kollelim to dozens of communities. The Torah Umesorah Jewish day school movement has organized hundreds of Jewish days schools and helps to send hundreds of non-Lubavicth Yeshiva-educated teachers to these schools all over North America, while in Israel Lev Le'Achim sends hundreds of volunteers to learn Torah with secular Jews. There are also Sephardic organizations and rabbis, such as Amnon Yitzchak reaching tens of thousands of secular Jews all the time, everyone is doing it, and most are not Lubavitchers. It is a trend of the times!

"Furthermore, when Chabad Rabbis hold pulpit positions in non-Chabad Shuls,
it is often the case (although not always) that they slowly bring in Chabad
customs and erode the minhagim of the community."

RaP: That is true, but why should that be a problem since most of the shulls are dead or dying and are attended by Jewishly uneducated people who do not know the difference and the Lubavitchers are warm hosts, very welcoming and set themselves up in places where others fear to tread. The Lubavitchers have become the "default Jewish clergy" since there is no one else to do what they are willing to do, such as taharas, burials, bring kosher food, host guest in far flung places, attend the sick, teach children from all walks, plenty of patience for one and all, be non-judgmental and non-critical (often too much so), and their greatest not-so-secret super weapon are the Shluchos, the charming, determined, calm under pressure, always friendly wives of the Shluchim who are more willing to sacrifice everything than even their husbands to go on Shlichus anywhere in the world, something that girls from Boro Park or Bnai Brak or Golders Green would never do!

"But it doesn't stop there. We have all read in the newspapers exposing some
Chabad Rabbis as molesters having corrupt practices. This is currently most
notable in Australia where it seems the whole Chabad infrastructure has been
covering up abuse for decades. It is true that this is not unique to Chabad,
but when Chabad have a marketing program with messages like these, a greater
effort should be made to clean up their act: 'Chabad Lubavitch worldwide is
organized to reach out and help the hungry and the needy among us. For it
has always been the Chabad tradition never to turn away a person in need.'"

RaP: As you say, "It is true that this is not unique to Chabad" -- it is a universal problem and has yet to be solved not just in the frum world but in all of society. But that is not a contradiction to offering to feed hungry people or travelers who have had the benefit of Chabad hospitality. Not all Chabad people are "molesters" so this is a weak argument. Yes, Chabad people venerate their Rebbe even after his passing, but so do the Breslovers and Rav Nachman of Breslov has been gone more than two hundred years and they are still going strong, so it augers well for Chabad that they can easily keep going for more than another two hundred years as well. Complaining will not help. Only rolling up one's sleeves ands trying to win will succeed, otherwise all the complaining amounts to a case of sour grapes and will accomplish nothing while Chabad will continue to flourish and grow since
they are the masters of what they do so well.

"I do not wish to see the Chabad movement dissolved, nor do I want Chabad to
be segregated to a non-accepted form of Judaism."

RaP: Chabad will not go away and it does not look like they are shrinking.In fact more people, not just secular, people rely on, but in the global communty ALL frum Jews rely on them. Just look at who was murdered while visiting at the Chabad house massacre in Mumbai, all sorts of frum people and rabbis not connected to Chabad but relying on the hospitality of the Chabad house there. People use Chabad houses thousands of times every dayall over the world.

"However, I do think there are very serious issues affecting us all that
need to be debated. Many Rabbis won't speak out on these points because
there is too much political stake or conflict of interest. The Chabad issues
are the elephant in the room that will only get bigger over time unless we
confront them now."

RaP: What kind of "confrontation" is needed? What kind of "debate" and where? Which rabbis need to "speak out"? It is absurd to think that at a time when there is massive ASSIMILATION, INTERMARRIAGE, and APOSTASY among the Jewish people that a "civil war" should be started against Chabad, the very people who are on the frontlines doing the "dirty work" against theseproblems that they did not cause. May as well start a war against REFORM, CONSERVATIVE, and SECULAR Jews and their leaders who have caused the literal destruction of the Jewish people and who should be the real ones to face the music and the anger of everyone, and not the Lubavitchers with their quixotic Chasidisha ideas and ideals that seem so strange but is what gives them the motivation and energy to keep on going in the face of a terriblemeltdown in the general Jewish world!

Alleged New Square Sex Abuse Victim Speaks Out

lohud  A New Square educator accused of molesting a young boy repeatedly over five years pleaded not guilty to the charges Tuesday in Rockland County Court.

Judge William Nelson maintained Moshe Taubenfeld's $25,000 cash bail and issued a order that Taubenfeld must stay away from his alleged victim.

Taubenfeld said little in court, entering his plea through his lawyer, Gerard Damini. His next court date is July 15.

Taubenfeld had previously turned in his passport to the police.

Taubenfeld is charged with second-degree course of sexual conduct against a child. The alleged abuse started Sept. 11, 2001, when the preteen boy said he came to the man seeking comfort after the terrorist attacks.

The abuse allegedly continued until the child turned 13 in 2006.

The boy, who has spoken to the media using the name Laiby, said he and his family reported the abuse about six years ago to community leaders, who discouraged him from going to police.

His experience was similar to those of other New Square abuse victims, including a young man, Yossi, who reported Taubenfeld's brother, Herschel, to police in 2011. [...]

Haaretz Portrays Judaism as the Obstacle to Peace

Commentary Magazine   Israel’s Haaretz newspaper will tomorrow host the grandly-named “Israel Conference on Peace” in Tel Aviv. In a crammed schedule across twelve hours, an intriguing array of speakers–Israelis, Arabs, Europeans, and Americans, left-wingers and right-wingers–will address economic development, human rights, access to water, the prospects for a diplomatic breakthrough, and other critical aspects of this particular Middle Eastern conflict.

As is often the case with such events, one can tell a great deal about the nature of this conference through what’s not being discussed, as well as who isn’t in attendance. Despite Israel’s location in one of the most violent and illiberal regions of the world, the conference does not deem the threat posed by Iran’s nuclear program, or the conquest of vast swathes of Syria and Iraq by the Islamists of ISIS, as worthy of a separate session–evidently, all that is secondary to the fate of the Palestinians. However, since two prominent Palestinian leaders, Palestinian Authority negotiator Saeb Erekat and businessman Munib al Masri, have already pulled out of the conference, citing as a reason “respect” for the “feelings of the Palestinian people” in the light of “the developments of the last few days,” one might legitimately wonder whether the Palestinians share the conviction of the Israeli left that in times of crisis, dialogue is of paramount importance. [...]

What is new and worrying, however, is the revival of this discredited anti-Judaic discourse by those Jews and Israelis for whom a Jewish state is, by definition, a racist endeavor. Writing in a tone that is slightly less contemptuous than that adopted by Kichko, Burg says, in his Haaretz piece, “The element of distrust of other nations is woven into the fabric of the way Jews operate. This stems not only from persecution and hatred, ghettos and bloodshed: It is also an internal and active choice expressed through our normative system of halakha (traditional Jewish law), which ensured this mode of thinking.” [...]

Doubtless, Burg’s message will resonate with those who, in another era, would have warmly endorsed Karl Marx’s maxim that “the emancipation of the Jews is the emancipation of mankind from Judaism.” The fact that we are still having this same conversation is precisely what should alarm us.

First International Conference on Abuse & Violence in Jewish Community

   Confronting Abuse 2014 Brochure

Chaver Project in Beit Shemesh: Chareidi initiative to control Internet use

 I spoke last week with a principal of a Chareidi school in Beit Shemesh and he said this project will be used to exclude the children of people who don't allow rabbinic supervision of their Internet usage.

 ====================

JPost    A project was recently launched by hard-line sectors of the haredi community in Beit Shemesh to discourage the use of the Internet and the devices that enable easy access to it.

The idea behind the initiative, called “Haver,” is to encourage members of the haredi public to sign a declaration in front of their community or synagogue rabbi that they either have no access to the Internet at all, or that they have only rabbinically approved devices, with content filters, which they need for work purposes.

Anyone signing this declaration will be awarded a membership certificate which, in the language of the publicity material, “testifies that he counts himself among those who fear the word of God.” [...]

The Haver initiative has only just been rolled out and a big membership drive was launched on Thursday, with many hundreds of people signing up.

Concerns have been voiced, however, about the second stage of the Haver project. After the initial sign-up period, lists of those who have signed up will be posted at synagogues in the haredi neighborhoods of the city, which organizers say will be “to glorify the names of the members.”

It is feared that membership in the Haver program could be used as a de facto way to determine someone’s haredi identity and that those who do not sign up will be excluded from communal benefits such as access to community charities, schools and other institutions.[...]

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: A therapist's distressing overview of frum divorce

I just received the following comments with permission to post them anonymously - from a respected therapist with extensive experience with the frum community. It is a shameful reality, that therapists, rabbis and lay leaders - have to be afraid of being harassed or sued if they openly talk about the problems of an adversarial divorce where each side feels they need to level the field by gaming the system - to get even partial justice. 

Anyone who deals with divorce is aware of the lies and exaggerations that are made as well as the injustice and insensitivity and the incredible amount of time and money required. However these lies or false accusation tend to be more often by women who feel that it is necessary to compensate for the  biases of the system.This therapist adds the excellent suggestion to evaluate for borderline personality - especially in this case. Hopefully he will agree to my request to offer suggestions to improve the system.

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Guest Post:

I am reading the Yoeli Weiss story, and hesitated to comment. I am aware of much of the story in this case, and I am also involved in quite a few cases in which I am witnessing a similar pattern. Yoeli actually nails it quite well in his position paper that is the most current post on your site. He calls attention to the use of the Internet, including but not limited to YouTube clips, various websites including her own, and the social media to discredit him and win her case in the court of public opinion. The difficulty in all this is that anyone who reaches conclusions based on a system in which שמוע בין אחיכם has not been followed has zero credibility, and this includes rabbonim and dayanim who do exactly this on a regular basis.

I am not someone who takes a side with either gender. I have publicly stated that my experience includes evil, nasty men and evil, nasty women. There are no statistics, as are commonly found with “advocates” who tout them as if they are fact. I need to judge each case on its own merit. If it were not a breach of confidentiality, I would provide names and contact info for the spouses who I sided against, who would testify that even though I advocated for their litigating spouse, I was neither vicious, nor even judgmental. I, in fact, do not affiliate myself with any organizations, as I find all of them biased and prejudicial.

Yet, the systems in place to address domestic violence are universal in assuming that the perpetrators are the men, and the women are the victims. This system is open to abuse, and it is frequently exploited. I have had many cases of reverse abuse, where fabricated allegations were used to destroy innocent people. Support groups for women struggling in their marriages regularly trade advice about how to do their husbands in. Some rabbonim told me that my estimate of 50% fabrication in DV accusations/arrests is way below what they see (claiming closer to 70%). To date, NYS has never prosecuted false police reporting for DV, but there is a technical violation.

While I have an opinion about the Weiss/Stein case, I note that the presence of fiction in the widely publicized cases is overwhelming. This case is not anomalous. There is pressure to “even the playing field” because husbands in marital conflict are apt to “withhold” a get. Actually, that happens less often than portrayed. In reality, the husbands accept the sound advice that the get is the final severing of the relationship (known as krisus), and once there is an agreement, one proceeds with the get. When women create fabrications that lend support to their claim for full custody, limited and supervised visitation, and unrealistic demands for support and maintenance (alimony), plus countless other possible unilateral demands, agreements cannot be reached. While I do not pasken shailos, I am supportive that men who are being handled unfairly with regard to visitation obtain a psak-heter to take the issue to Family Court to insure their access to their children.

Borderline Personality is one of those conditions that is nearly impossible to insist that a man tolerate, and these gittin are characteristically conflictual and dramatic. It would be reasonable to expect this case to at least be evaluated for that issue.

I have had difficulty in writing comments on your site. Sometimes browser incompatibility, recently the need to register with Disqus. (I do not register anywhere.) In addition, I never use my name in comments, especially since litigious people will attack me for breaches of confidentiality, even if they were not clients. However, I felt that my sentiments about the subject are worth sharing with you. You may pass on these comments on your blog, but please do not use my name or any other identifier.

I am agreeable to correspond with you on this painful subject offline.

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: Yoel's version posted on Rivky website

This was previous published in the first post on this topic. However I was asked to make a separate post for easy reference.

Yoel Weiss viewpoint from Rivky's Facebook page

see also Rivky's Initial Divorce settlement proposal 2012

My name is Yoeli Weiss. Unfortunately, I'm involved with a messy divorce and custody battle widely publicized by my wife Rivky Stein. On the advice of an adam gadol I stayed silent for the past two years, not responding to the many false ugly accusations she concocted against me and my family. Recently however, she caused an outrageous chillul Hashem. She launched a website exposing herself-- posting seductive pictures of herself, sharing false stories, with delusional graphical bedroom scenarios, inciting men and women in our frum community to be busy debating it. I was told, that her website was negatively circulating among the hottest topics in the mikva, beis hemedrish, at home, at work, and of course on the social media network. The website is nothing but a fabricated story caused by her desperate need for attention. Not satisfied with the massive feedback and the amount of money she raised through her website, she moved her chillel Hashem to the next level, when she shared her false website story together with some family photographs to the Daily News. I spoke to this adam gadol again yesterday, he voiced his great concern for klal yisroel. He is currently engaging other rabonem making them aware of this new chillul Hashem through social media, a dangerous tactic invented by Rivky Stein. This is a ''kosher porno website'' camouflaged under a ''free aguna site''. This adam gadol urged me to respond and obey the positive commandment of the torah ''V'huyesem Nemeyiem M'shem V'myisroel Amo''. Accordingly I am writing this letter.

Minus some minor discords that occur among most newlyweds, after being happily married for 4 years, out of the blue in the spring of 2012, being under the spell of some demon[s], she suddenly decided to destroy her family and did not return home. Without ever mentioning before a single word about demanding a divorce, she initiated an aggressive and hostile (secular) court proceedings against me and my entire (extended) family, which included obtaining an order of protection against me totally under false pretences. Thereafter, over the next few months she caused me to be arrested 5 times, again with false accusations, and each time after spending the night in jail, her allegations were dismissed by the court as meritless. Eventually, the court realized her viciousness, terminated all orders of protection. In her litigation, she concocted the most ludicrous horrifying illogical accusations, all with the hope of a single goal to secure full custody of our two children, while at the same time seeking a money judgment reward of nothing less than 480 million dollars. I hired an attorney who is representing me in this messy litigation process, and the courts are slowly chipping away from her story and realizing the truth. As well, members of my family have had to hire an attorney, at the cost of tens of thousands of dollars.

Notwithstanding her accusations, the pain and shame she brought onto me and my entire innocent family, neither ,I nor anyone in my family ever retaliated in any way shape or form against her, not even by saying one bad word against her. After all, she is the mother of my two children. While I have enough unpleasant information about her and her family, and specifically about the two acquaintances, responsible for wrecking my home, I decline sharing this or any other lashan harahs with the public, simply because this is not the derech haTorah, and then again she is the mother of my children and I wish to spare my children this pain. Sooner or later, my children will be able to understand it all, and it’s my hope and desire that when they grow up, they'll realize that their father sacrificed his own pride by not divulging and exposing their mother, all in order to secure their well being. Rivky, on the other hand, seems not to care about the children at all. Her stability has been on a seesaw, and is, unfortunately, on a constant decline. The judge presiding two years on the marital case finally got the gist of what's really going on, recently ordered a complete psychiatric evaluation on her. Her impulsive and outrageous behavior with her website and the media speaks for itself.

As a father of two adorable children, I'm sincerely concerned that she can Chas vesholem end up harming them either physically or emotionally or both. That's why I am now fighting for full custody before it’s, chas vesholem, too late. Once the custody issue is resolved, she will receive her get with pleasure, and she can go l’chaim ve-l’sholem wherever her heart desires. Rivky does have issues: she is desperately seeking attention. And yes, she is a great actress, very convincing, believes in her own lines and her own illusions, therefore she comes across sincere and honest. I perfectly understand how some of the public is being swipalloeded away by her website, becoming quickly judgmental without giving me the slightest benefit of the doubt that perhaps there is something wrong with her story. Wouldn't you ask yourself, if her story would remotely hold the truth, why would the judge dismiss her allegations along with the orders of protection, and award me equal custody rights? I am certain you all recall the name Susan Smith. She too put up an act that the public was so convinced, but not the professionals. She too cried in front of the cameras attempting to convince the world that a black man killed her children. However, despite all her acting talents, the truth in the end always prevails, however it was too late -- she already killed her two children.

Rivky's website and u tube comes across sincere and honest. I know it’s hard not to believe her. Were I be an outsider not knowing her, I would probably believe her too. After all, she has fooled me and my entire family for more than 4 years. The highlight of her acting talents was played out during the last few weeks when we lived together. Over that period she secretly made plans and arrangements for an order of protection and to move in with her foster parents, while at the same time being an actress, she played and showed a most peaceful beautiful atmosphere at our home, and a most wonderful romantic relationship between us. So, I am asking the innocent public who is clinging to her website, to please give me the benefit of the doubt. Check carefully with her friends and the court rebuttals. Please don't get caught up in accepting and believing and repeating this lashan harah. I am certain many of her 5 thousand followers (as she claims on her website she has) are voicing their opinions believing its purely l'shem shumayem. I beg you to be careful and patient till the outcome of the court proceeding-- the very proceedings she initiated, before you condemn and slander an innocent person. Ultimately the truth may leave you feeling guilty for jumping to conclusions prematurely.

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: 2012 Rivky's original divorce settlement proposal

The Secret of Effective Motivation - Intrinsic vs instrumental

NY Times     THERE are two kinds of motive for engaging in any activity: internal and instrumental. If a scientist conducts research because she wants to discover important facts about the world, that’s an internal motive, since discovering facts is inherently related to the activity of research. If she conducts research because she wants to achieve scholarly renown, that’s an instrumental motive, since the relation between fame and research is not so inherent. Often, people have both internal and instrumental motives for doing what they do.

What mix of motives — internal or instrumental or both — is most conducive to success? You might suppose that a scientist motivated by a desire to discover facts and by a desire to achieve renown will do better work than a scientist motivated by just one of those desires. Surely two motives are better than one. But as we and our colleagues argue in a paper newly published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, instrumental motives are not always an asset and can actually be counterproductive to success.

We analyzed data drawn from 11,320 cadets in nine entering classes at the United States Military Academy at West Point, all of whom rated how much each of a set of motives influenced their decision to attend the academy. The motives included things like a desire to get a good job later in life (an instrumental motive) and a desire to be trained as a leader in the United States Army (an internal motive). [...]

Remarkably, cadets with strong internal and strong instrumental motives for attending West Point performed worse on every measure than did those with strong internal motives but weak instrumental ones. They were less likely to graduate, less outstanding as military officers and less committed to staying in the military.

The implications of this finding are significant. Whenever a person performs a task well, there are typically both internal and instrumental consequences. A conscientious student learns (internal) and gets good grades (instrumental). A skilled doctor cures patients (internal) and makes a good living (instrumental). But just because activities can have both internal and instrumental consequences does not mean that the people who thrive in these activities have both internal and instrumental motives.

Our study suggests that efforts should be made to structure activities so that instrumental consequences do not become motives. Helping people focus on the meaning and impact of their work, rather than on, say, the financial returns it will bring, may be the best way to improve not only the quality of their work but also — counterintuitive though it may seem — their financial success.[....]

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: Mill Basin beis din overrules Rav Moshe Feinstein, Gemora & Shulchan Aruch

One of the many problematic aspects of Rivky Stein's campaign against her husband is the "psak" she received from a beis din which calls itself the Mill Basin Beis Din. Despite the fact that nobody has come forth and said they know it exists and or even that they recognize its dayanim - there is a bigger problem. After sending Yoel Weiss requests to appear before them their "psak" claims he refused and therefore they heard one side - Rivky's - and on the basis of that "poskened" that Yoel was required to give a Get. If anyone one has sources that such a procedure is valid - please let me know.
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Psak of Mill Basis Beit Din

Whereas the Beit Din, after three weeks since the respondent husband's refusal to appear for a Din Torah, sent the respondent as a courtesy a fourth Hazmanawhich provided him with a final opportunity to appear before the Beit Din at a convenient location situated in Borough Park, Brooklyn, and where the respondent husband was advised within the said Hazmana that should he again fail to appear that the Beit Din will proceed in his absentia; and Whereas the scheduled time set forth in the Hazmana passed, and the Dayyanim of the Beit Din after having allowed a sufficient grace period for the respondent husband to appear, and where the respondent husband again failed to appear before the Beit Din andlor request an adjoumed date; the Av Beit Din in the absence of the respondent husband called the Beit Din to order, and asked that the claims of the claimant wife be presented; and The Beit Din after hearing the claims of Rivka Stein, the claimant wife, and the Beit Din finding her claims credible, and there being no person appearing on behalf of the respondent husband to refute or contradict the claimant wife; the Beit Din rules as follows:

1. The respondent husband, Yoel Weiss is obligated (Chayiv)to issue immediately a Get to his wife, Rivka Stein, the claimant herein, with the entire cost of the Get process to be paid by the respondent husband, Yoel Weiss, and with the cost of said procedure set at no higher than one thousand dollars ($1,000.00); and

2. That Yoel Weiss, the respondent husband, within twenty-four hours after service of  this Beit Din Psakupon him by either personal service and/or via email, shall deposit with the Beit Din the sum of $1,000.00 for the Get cost in the form of a bank check [...]

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While leafing through the Igros Moshe this morning I found a relevant teshuva.(C.M. 3:3)....Question: You ask regarding a psak which was given by a certain beis din regarding a dispute between two parties. After the psak was given, one of the disputants went to one or even before all three of the dayanim and claimed  that his opponent was not complying with the psak of the beis din. The judge or judges accepted this as true without even calling his opponent and asking him about it. Consequently they wrote a seruv against the one who they believed was not complying with their psak.

Answer: In response, it is obvious and self-understood that there is no justification or authority for the beis din to write a seruv under these circumstances. The halacha is explicity stated in Sanhedrin (7b) and explicitly paskened in Shulchan Aruch (C.M. 17:5) [that a beis din can not pasken in a dispute without both parties being present]. Because this is blatantly obvious there is really no need to waste time in further discussion of this matter....

אגות משה (חושן משפט חלק ג סימון ג): - ברבר כתב סיריב שניתן במעמד צד אחר

בע"ה ר"ח כסלו תשמ"ג בנוא יארק,

למע"כ ידידי וחברי מחותני הרב הגאון מוהר"ר אהרן יפהן שליט"א, בברכת שלום וברכה וכל טוב סלה,

אחדשה"ט,

נצטערתי לשמוע על מחלתה של הרבנית שרה יפהן תחי' וכולנו מתפללים שהשי"ת ישלח לה רפואה שלמה, ונא להגיד להרבנית אודות דאגתינו ותפילתינו.

בקשר למה שכת"ר שאל אודות פסק דין שנתן איזה בית דין בדבר סכסוך שהיה בין שני צדדים, ואחר נתינת הפסק דין, הלך צד אחד לפני אחד או אפילו כל הדיינים, וטען שהצד שכנגדו לא ציית להפסק דין, והדיין או הדיינים קבלו טענתו בלי אפילו לקרוא להצד שכנגדו לשואלו אודות זה, ונתנו אז להצד שבא להתלונן, כתב סירוב כנגד הצד שכנגדו, הנה פשוט ומובן הוא שאין שום תוקף בדין לכתב סירוב כזה, דהדין מבואר בסנהדרין דף ז' ע"ב ומוזכר בשו"ע חו"מ סימן י"ז סעיף ה,' ומחמת פשטות הענין אין מה להאריך בענין זה,

ואסיים בתקוה שבזכות זהירות ושמירת כל מצוות ודיני התורה, נזכה כולבו בקרוב לקבל פני משיח צדקיבו,

בידידות והוקרה,

משה פיינשטיין

  
 Sanhedrin(7b): Again: Hear [the causes] between your brethren and judge righteously. This, said R. Hanina, is a warning to the court not to listen to the claims of a litigant in the absence of his opponent; and to the litigant not to explain his case to the judge before his adversary appears. Shamoa’ [hear], in the verse, can also be read, shammea’.   R. Kahana, however, says: We can derive this rule from the verse: Thou shalt not take up [tissa] a false report [referring to the judge], which may be read, tashshi.

Shulchan Aruch (Choshem Mishpat 17:5): It is prohibited for a judge to listen to the claims of one side of a dispute without his opponent being present. ...

See also Halachos of a summons from beis din

Schlesinger Twins: Michael cancels visits to prevent them seeing grandparents

Guest Post: Beth Alexander

Battling for my children on foreign soil in a foreign community - alone - without any family here is challenging, to say the least.

My parents thankfully came to visit this June and as much as they came to see me and support me, they were of course so much looking forward to seeing their beloved grandsons, Sammy and Benji again. They don't want to see museums or galleries - my visits with the children are what they so eagerly wait for and these precious days are always the highlight of their trips.

The boys saw them on my Tuesday visit - June 17th and were ecstatic! They ran into their arms delightedly and clung to them the entire visit. 'Bobby! Zaidy!' they kept exclaiming, scrambling onto their knees and throwing their arms around them! We had one more brilliant day together on Sunday 22nd June when we went boating along the Danube in the dazzling sunshine. Sammy and Benji's little faces beamed with excitement and pure delight. None of us will ever forget that precious day. My parents have watched our memories published on youtube over a hundred times so far with tears, a combination of anguish and joy in their eyes.

Just as we prepared for the next visit - my dad bought little fishing rods for them since the twins were so fascinated by the fish in the water and my mum was all geared up to cook up another delicious feast, the father dropped the bombshell. He had 'spontaneously' decided to take the children away on a week's holiday and the remainder of visits during my parents' stay were cancelled. I was informed by phone on Tuesday afternoon by the visiting centre and this was later confirmed by email by the Tuesday handover lady.

The kindergarten doesn't break up until the end of July and it must be very unusual for a doctor to suddenly take a week off work without giving notice to his boss and staff in the hospital. However, there was absolutely nothing we could do about the painful news.

Denying contact is a familiar pattern. My visits are regularly cancelled and Mr Schlesinger also ensured that the paternal grandfather - his own father - was also denied access to his grandchildren. In 2011, just after he was awarded sole custody, he forced me to sign a declaration in court banning me from allowing all further contact between the twins and their grandfather during my visits with the threat of losing my own precious visits if I refused.

This week, through his actions, he also prevented my doting parents from seeing their grandchildren.

This means the only grandparent with whom the children have contact is their paternal grandmother, Tamar: the same woman who fought for ten years in the courts to deny her ex husband all contact with his own children, Michael and his sister Tina. Tamar: The same woman who was an accomplice in trying to have me committed to a mental hospital on fabricated grounds and the same woman who didn't even apply for visitation to Sammy and Benji until 12 months after her son was evicted and could only have supervised access to the twins. Once she did, I immediately granted her request because I felt it is so important for the children to have family in their lives.

While my parents were always kind and generous to us during our short-lived marriage, Mr Schlesinger repaid them by taking them to court in Vienna and attempting to sue them for 15,000 Euros. He had to pay rent for me and the children while they lived with me and tried to extort that money from my parents who had flown over to Vienna to support me in 2010. Of course his case couldn't hold up and the court rejected his outrageous claim.

Children need role models to teach them love, trust, tolerance and cooperation in order to become decent, caring and sensitive adults.

Just what lessons will Sammy and Benji learn from the example set by their father?