ORA: A Child is a Tool against a Parent

Guest Post: Larry Silverstein. It should not be surprising that Rabbi Jeremy Stern and ORA would openly complain about demonstrators, such as himself, having to travel from New York or Pennsylvania to Silver Spring to demonstrate against Aharon - while completely disregarding that ORA is demanding that the child have to travel from Pennsylvania to Silver Spring every time the child is to spend time with Aharon.  See http://www.daattorah.blogspot.com/2012/06/oras-inconsistencies-regarding-aharon.html

ORA frequently acts in complete disregard of, or directly contrary to, the best interests of the children in ORA's cases - such as supporting several child abductors, and trying to prevent children from spending time with their fathers. 

For ORA, a child is just a lowly tool to be used against a parent.  ORA is encouraging and assisting Tamar in using the child of which she and Aharon are parents as a mere tool against Aharon.  What is in the child's best interests is subordinated to using the child as a tool against the other parent for any purpose Tamar and ORA choose.  

And these are not unsupported accusations.  ORA itself openly boasts to the media that it is using the child as a tool against Aharon, such as pressuring Aharon's relatives to stop making it possible for the child to see Aharon.

"ORA has tried to get Friedman’s relatives to agree to stop helping him ferry his 4-year-old daughter between her parents’ homes for her semi-monthly visitation with Friedman. But they have not agreed," the Forward reported, citing Rabbi Stern. http://blogs.forward.com/sisterhood-blog/152345/congressman-pressed-on-agunah-issue/

Rabbi Jeremy Stern has said that ORA considers it appropriate to demonstrate against Aharon's relatives for the supposed sin of enabling the child to spend time with Aharon, and has already done so.  Rabbi Stern called up Aharon's relatives on the day they picked up the child -  threatening them for making it possible for the child to spend time with Aharon.  And Rabbi Stern can only know which relative to threaten, because Tamar tells him.   (Aharon lets Tamar know in advance who is coming to pick up the child so that the child will know.)

Tamar also organized a large demonstration at her house in front of the child against the child's aunt, uncle, and three young cousins, when they came to pick up the child - and refused to let them pick up the child before subjecting them to additional harassment by her lawyer and rabbi. 

Note that under the current parenting schedule, it is sometimes impossible for Aharon to pick up the child for the weekend before Shabbos, and the only way the child can be with him on scheduled weekends is if Aharon's relatives do the driving.  [The parenting schedule generally has Aharon picking up the child from Tamar's house on Thursdays at 5 (although sometimes the pickup time is not until Friday afternoon or Erev Yom Tov), but given that Aharon has a full-time job in Washington DC and Tamar unilaterally relocated the child to Pennsylvania, Aharon is often not able to leave work early enough on Thursday to pick up the child before the child's bedtime (note that Aharon leaves work early each Friday (except in the summer), so he can't always leave early on Thursdays as well) nor generally leave work early enough on Friday to pick the child up before Shabbos,  Tamar vehemently objected to the schedule, arguing that the child should not miss school on Fridays and should not be allowed to travel to Silver Spring for most of the child's time with Aharon.]     

Yosef Kolko: How is the victim being protected?

The following recently appeared in a Lakewood paper. Trial is set August 6. The family of the victim has already been driven out of Lakewood. Witnesses have been intimidated. What are the gedolim doing to protect the victim and ensure a fair trial? "Outraged" demanded to know what is the current problem - well here is a good example!

Rema: Create peace by slandering an innocent person

Peace Through Slander

Tamar's supporters rally primarily to defeat "evil"

guest post: Some have asserted that the attacks and demonstrations against Aharon and his family are contrary to halacha and are counterproductive if the goal is for Tamar to receive a get. They have wondered whether those attacking and demonstrating against Aharon and his family are even doing so primarily in order to help Tamar receive a get. Here is the answer from the demonstrators themselves.

The author of this blog has previously noted that she is related to Tamar (a sister of Tamar's brother-in-law Dovy Goldschmidt, and daughter of Moscow Chief Rabbi Pinchas Goldschmidt), and appears to be Estee Goldschmidt, the organizer of the online petition against Aharon.

==================================

http://walkingthegreyline.blogspot.com/2012/02/support-tamar-epstein-agunah-become.html

http://thinkingjewgirl.blogspot.com/2012/06/reason-its-important-for-you-to-go.html#comment-form

Okay. So another three months have passed. Tamar still has no get. This Sunday rallies will be held at the locations of Aharon's mother and uncle, his biggest supporters.

*The reason it is extremely important for you to go to the rally, is not because of the impact it might have on Tamar, but primarily because of the impact it will have on you.*

It is similar to the marches for Soviet Jewry in the eighties. Two hundred and fifty thousand Jews gathered in Washington to rally on behalf of Jewish brethren in Russia screaming: "Mr. Gorbachev, let our people go!" No matter what it accomplished in terms of affecting Soviet Jews, it accomplished so much more in the impact it had on those American Jews who stood up against injustice, and became part of a larger picture fighting for good to triumph over evil.

I was once on a date where the guy brought up the agunah issue and then said: "All those people who fight for agunahs, do they really care about them? Of course not. They are just pushing feminist agenda." 

I just looked at him. There was no point in arguing.

After a hundred and twenty years, you won't be held accountable for not changing the world. You will be held accountable for not trying. This Sunday presents you with a tremendous opportunity to stand up against evil, to stand for "Tzedek Tzedek Tirdof" (Justice, Justice, you shall pursue). Having attended rallies in the past, I must say, they are some of the most bonding, intensely emotional and inspiring experiences I have ever lived through.

Abuse:Halachic & Ethical Dilemmas II

Pitputim Guest Post - Thanks to all who commented on the first scenario. Consider, now, a new scenario.

Your daughter is showing signs of strain. She has not been herself for some time. You have tried all manner of parental approach: the stick and the carrot and you can’t seem to manage to cajole her to be on the same page as you and your husband. She is also not performing to her ability at school.

You become aware of rumours that a male associated with your daughter’s school has been exposing himself and may well have fondled or even forced himself on some girls. When you hear these rumours you are in a state of disbelief. You cannot imagine that this apparently fine and upstanding individual would do such things. If he did, then you conclude that he must be sick or have experienced some trauma that has scrambled his moral compass.

One day your daughter casually mentions that the said person approached her and attempted to interfere with her. You aren’t sure whether actual interference has taken place. On the other hand, this may well explain her unusual behaviour and lack of focus. Given the rumours, you run to the School and meet with the powers that be. They tell you that there have been issues with this person and that he is receiving treatment and the strong indications are that this earlier behaviour will no longer be manifest. It’s a close-knit school where each parent knows the other and shares strong common ideals. The school did not contact the police because they felt they were dealing with it internally through professionals. Their Rabbi forbade “Mesira” anyway and there was no mandatory reporting in place. [Click for full posting]

An open letter to Matisyahu: Rabbi Hoffman

5tjt by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

Dear Matisyahu,

The reports, have been a bit devastating. First came the beard. Now, it seems, your appearances are sans Yarmulkah.

What happened?

We were, for a while, so proud of you. Here was a powerful entertainer, filled with talent, and unabashed in his Judaism. Unabashed, as well, in his Hasidic deportment. And filled with a spiritual energy of which the secular world took note.

The beard. The peyos and black Yarmulkah. The tzitzis out and flying as you danced to the tunes that underscored Jewish spirituality.

True, reggae music is not to everyone's tastes, but the gentile world was now exposed to a thinking - a philosophy not heard from before. You had exposed a small, yet discernible, ray of the light of Chassidus to a different world. True, it was a world that had gone mad, but nonetheless, the notion of spreading Hasidic light was, in a sense, coming alive in you.

Your religious fans loved you. Those with a similar physical appearance to you, finally, had recognition. No longer did they receive bizarre looks in the street from those never exposed to such dress. They had a Matisyahu out there. Ambassador to the world. But then, something happened. Something may have changed within you. You went native. [...]

The Emperor has no clothes:Rabbinical infallibility

Outraged wrote demanding I retract my criticism of rabbinic leadership on a previous post Saving-kids:Lashon-harah-high-price-to pay. In one of his many strident criticisms he noted:

I am asking you what it is TODAY that you are criticizing in harsh terms the rabbis on the moetses for currently handling abuse cases wrongly ( i am quite aware that prior to NOW the frum community dealt with these issues internally without ultimately going to the police) I'm not asking for a general repeat of the last 10 years but rather exactly what the moetses is NOW doing that warrants your CURRENT massive criticism of the moetses today. I am not asking about Zweibel now, I am asking only about the moetses. And of course aside from wanting to get to the bottom of what you are mean regarding NOW.

I want to congratulate Outraged for stating two things - 1) That the gedolim and rabbinic leadership have not acted appropriately in the past and have been negligent in protecting our children and communities against child molesters. 2) He wants me to ignore this past and only criticize the present - which I assume he means no further back than a week ago. 

He is outraged that I dared mention past neglect, incompetence and deliberate coverups. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS? He is demanding that we do not hold our rabbinic leadership  accountable. Only we the masses are held accountable if we really messed up an important responsibility. Whenever the rabbinic leadership  botch something up - we are to repress awareness of the mistakes or at least no public acknowledgements) and we are not to expect them to apologize and to promise to try better in the future (teshuva).

This is functional infallibility. Gedolim and religious leaders make no errors and when they do err - we are not allowed to talk about it because they are infallible and thus can't make errors! We saw this happening with the infamous Tropper affair. Tropper bought the attention of the gedolim in America. When this spectacle came to a disgusting end - there was complete silence from the gedolim of America. When Rav Sternbuch told me to publicize that Tropper was guilty I was accused by varioius the rabbis of creating a chillul hashem - because since they weren't talking about it - the only way people would hear about it was because I was publicizing the matter!

I recently received a call from a major askan. He was furious at the language I have used. At my lack of respect for the gedolim. He didn't deny the problems that I have raised. I just wasn't supposed to publicly mention my upset. He had the same complaints against me when I publicized the Tropper affair.

When the Tropper affair ended in a multiple collision disaster - I sent a message to one of the most influential gedolim in  America - that he should at least acknowledge what had happened and condemn Tropper - as the RCA had done. The reply I got back was that the scandal was too big and too many major rabbis had been bought -  so it couldn't even be acknowledged that it occurred.

Pleasure is highly dependent on Seeing - Yoma 74b

Yoma(74b):Who fed you Manna in the wilderness in order to afflict you?(Devarim 8:16). There was a dispute between Rav Ammi and Rav Assi regarding what affliction the Jews suffererd from the Manna? One said [it was because of its transient nature] as we know that one can not compare one who has bread in his basked with one who has none [and is worried where he will get more - Rashi]. The other said [it was because what they ate didn’t look like what they tasted] because there is no comparison between one who sees what he eats and one who doesn’t see [and the Manna tasted like all types of food and yet they only saw the Manna – Rashi]. Rav Yosef said, this alludes to the fact that blind people eat but are not satiated. Abaye replied from this we can conclude that who has a meal should only eat it during the day. R’ Zera asked where this idea is alluded to in the Bible? It is Koheles (6:9), Better is the seeing of the eyes then the wandering of the desire. Reish Lakish concluded from this verse that better is the pleasure of looking at a woman than the act itself[- and therefore it needs to be greatly avoided – Semag].

avf - Why Tamar does not have Get

avf previously commented "Young Children After a Divorce Have Nothing More To Do With Their Fathers"

Why Tamar Does Not Have a Get a guest post by Larry Silverstein

Commentator “avf” cuts to the heart of the entire matter - explaining, inadvertently, why Tamar does not have a get.

From the very beginning, Tamar has consistently done what she can, with the encouragement and active assistance of her supporters, to severely limit the child's parenting time with Aharon, seeming to take the position that the child should essentially have little or no day-to-day relationship with Aharon.  [Even the court Order that the child remain in Pennsylvania because Tamar had kept the child there for so long before trial (as a result of Aharon agreeing to jointly cancel an earlier trial to bring the case to Beis Din) concluded that Tamar’s attitude towards the child’s relationship with Aharon was “spiteful.”]  At a a minimum, Tamar devalues that relationship based on the twin, and not coincidentally, convenient for Tamar, beliefs that children are always better off with divorce [if that is what the mother, at any given time, thinks will result in an increase in the mother's happiness], and should subsequently only have one true parent, the mother.  (These beliefs are contrary to halacha or any notion of traditional family values and more accurately described as quasi-theological ideology invented by the 1960’s free love / no-fault divorce movement.)

Tamar has been indoctrinated into this position – by those in Merion/Bala Cynwyd who advised her to leave the marriage with a four-month child and unilaterally relocate the child to Pennsylvania – that, as avf aptly summarized, “with young children after a divorce, they have nothing more to do with their fathers.”

When the mother believes the child should have nothing (or relatively little) more to do with the father, it is hard enough for child and father to have a meaningful relationship.  But it is nearly impossible if the child has been taken hours away (particularly if the parents are Shomer Shabbos), and the child’s spending time with the father involves, as a practical matter, trade-offs that the mother will (placing relatively minimal value on the child spending time with the father) necessarily believe are against the child’s interests, such as traveling and missing school and other activities.  Thus, Tamar told the court that Aharon’s request that the child be allowed to spend allotted time with Aharon in their home would place “an undue burden” on the child and shows that he does not recognize the child’s “need for normalcy and consistency in her routine.”  And this is especially so when the child has been taken to a community that seems to be inculcating Tamar with avf’s attitude, while also poisoning the child against Aharon. 

Sexual abuse at a prep school: Horace Mann

NYTimes   “Guys, I have to tell you something that happened to me when we were at H.M. Do you remember Mr. Wright, the football coach?” Our metal utensils ceased clanking. Speaking calmly and staring into the flames, he told us that when he was in eighth grade, Wright sexually assaulted him. “And not just me,” he added. “There were others.” First Wright befriended him, he said. Then he molested him. Then he pretended nothing happened. 

No one knew what to say, at least at first. But then slowly, the rest of us started telling stories, too. One of the guys talked about a teacher who took him on a field trip, and then invited him into his bed in the hotel room they were sharing. (My friend fled, walking in the rain for hours until the coast seemed clear.) Another told a story about a teacher who got him drunk and naked; that time, no one fled. We talked about the steakhouse dinner, which was a far cry from abuse, but an example of how easy it can be for boundaries to blur and how hard it can be, in the moment, for students to get their bearings. Finally, we all went to sleep.[...]

This was 1978, a different era in terms of public awareness about sexual predators. Today children are taught from a young age that unwelcome touches are not O.K., not their fault and should be reported immediately. But at 13, Andrew hadn’t heard any of those lectures. He didn’t tell his other teachers or his parents. He felt too ashamed to talk about what happened. “What I did do in the immediate aftermath,” he said, “was contribute to the rumors going around that Mark Wright was a child molester, which were pretty rampant at that time. I’d join conversations about it and say that I’d heard he was into boys, etc. But these conversations were always very frustrating, because he had a lot of defenders who would say that people said this about him because they were jealous that he was such a stud.”  [...]

At Horace Mann, students who spoke up at the time and saw quick action from the school seem to have suffered few, if any, ill effects. “I was not traumatized by the experience in the least,” Seth, the student at the center of the John Dorr Nature Lab confrontation with Stan Kops, told me. “In fact, I was just relaying the story to a friend the other day at lunch. I think the school acted swiftly and appropriately.” 

ORA's inconsistencies regarding Aharon Friedman

Guest Post by Larry Silverstein: At an ORA rally against Aharon on December 19, 2010, Rabbi Jeremy Stern complains about having to travel from NYC to Silver Spring for the rally:  "I don't look forward to spending my Sunday morning driving from New York City" to Silver Spring.  He also complains about others having to drive from Philadelphia to Silver Spring for the rally: Youtube at 3:25.  [Never mind that this travel is part of Rabbi Stern's paid job (as defined by him),] Although it is such a huge burden for the demonstrators to have to travel, Rabbi Stern apparently believes that it is perfectly reasonable and appropriate to expect the child to have to travel back and forth from Philadelphia to Silver Spring (generally during peak traffic times) every time the child is to see Aharon.  Any concerns Aharon may have about such an arrangement are entirely unreasonable according to Rabbi Stern (4:00) (commenting on negotiations regarding which ORA maintained that it was unreasonable to even consider that the child return to Silver Spring where the child resided before being unilaterally relocated by Tamar and that it was unreasonable for the child to spend time with Aharon more than every other weekend (excluding summers and holidays).

Other items of note:

Rabbi Stern claims Aharon refuses to go to BD to arbitrate the matter: at 0:49 - although the Baltimore BD (the beis din to which the parties took the case) stated at the time that Friedman had done no wrong and it was for Epstein to bring the case to BD.

Rabbi Stern leads the crowd in jeering the Washington Vaad for not participating in the rally (2:15)

ORA claims that Rabbi Kamenetsky supported the rally (3:05), although the letter Rabbi Kametesky signed mentioning the rally did not actually endorse the rally  http://getora.org/PDF/Letter%20from%20RSK-%20December%208.pdf
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The above post and video link must be a forgery. The entire rally could not possibly have taken place because it was prior to any finding against Friedman by any beis din, or a finding by any beis din that a get was appropriate.  Even according to Rabbi Schachter (ORA's posek), pressure to give a  get may be done only at the direction of a "legitimate" beis din:  Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Options_for_Helping_Agunot#  (40:00).  Even Rabbi Jeremy Stern himself has asserted that is forbidden under halacha to pressure a husband over a get before a beis din has ruled that the husband should give a get:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEi4SXT_fCA (58:00).

"Playing with children" - earliest reference to abuse

This is the earliest reference I have found to child abuse in the Jewish literature. I can not find any elaboration or further discussion of child abuse - until the writings of the  Tzemach Tzedech and Sho'el U'Meishiv in the 19th century.

Nida[1](13b):  Our Rabbis taught: Converts and those that play with children – delay the coming of Moshiach. I can understand the reference to converts as it fits with the view of R’ Chelbo. R’ Chelbo said, Converts are as difficult for the Jews as a irritating scab. However what is the meaning of “those that play with children?” It can’t be referring to those who rape children – because that is punishable by stoning and not merely by delaying Moshiach. It also can’t refer to those who molest children without sodomizing them [but it involves zera l’vatala – Rashi] – because they are deserving of the punishment of bringing a flood to the world. Rather this braissa is referring to those who marry young girls who are not capable of having children yet. This in accord with R’ Yosse who said, The Son of Dovid (Moshiach) will not come until all the souls are born....

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[1] נדה (יג:): ת"ר: הגרים והמשחקין בתינוקות מעכבין את המשיח. בשלמא גרים - כדר' חלבו, דא"ר חלבו: קשין גרים לישראל כספחת. אלא משחקין בתנוקות מאי היא? אילימא משכב זכור - בני סקילה נינהו! אלא דרך אברים - בני מבול נינהו! אלא דנסיבי קטנות דלאו בנות אולודי נינהו, דא"ר יוסי: אין בן דוד בא עד שיכלו כל הנשמות שבגוף,...

Child Abuse: Halacha vs Secular Law - Dr. Resnicoff

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Jewish Law and the Tragedy of Sexual Abuse of Children: The Dilemma within the Orthodox Jewish Community

Steven H. Resnicoff

   DePaul University College of Law   June 1, 2012 
Rutgers Journal of Law and Religion, Vol. 13, No. 2, 2012

Jewish law requires a person to exert one’s energies and expend one’s financial resources to prevent the commission of interpersonal crimes and to protect or rescue victims of such crime. By contrast, American law generally permits a person to watch another bleed to death without offering any assistance at all. Most Jewish law courses place great emphasis on this difference, and commentators frequently cite it as proof of Jewish law’s moral superiority.

However, with respect to the tragedy of child sexual abuse, the systems seem to have switched roles. American law imposes a variety of affirmative duties on individuals and organizations to protect prospective victims. These obligations include conducting fingerprint-based criminal background checks on employees and reporting reasonably suspected or reasonably believed child abuse to public authorities.

By contrast, with respect to child sexual abuse, many, although certainly not all, important Orthodox authorities have rejected the ameliorative steps prescribed by secular law. Even more troublingly, they have permitted, and in at least some cases possibly encouraged, reprisals against those who have reported abuse, including victims and their families.

I argue that the problem does not lie in Jewish law. After thoroughly examining the relevant Jewish law doctrines, I conclude that Jewish law not only permits but actually demands that vigorous measures be taken to eradicate child sexual abuse. However, I also acknowledge that the sociological realities of the Orthodox Jewish community seem to have produced a variety of pressures that help perpetuate the status quo. Such factors include conscious or subconscious concerns for the financial viability of important communal institutions and for the community members’ continued fealty to traditional rabbinic authorities. However, I argue that even these concerns could be more successfully addressed if rabbinic authorities would spearhead steps to stamp out child sexual abuse.

Hynes protects a kidnapper - R' Helbrans

NYTimes    The problem, though, is that sometimes, in dealing with the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, it was Mr. Hynes himself who seemed to want these cases to go away. 

In 1994, William Plackenmeyer was a New York Police Department division commander in Borough Park, home to one of the city’s fastest growing ultra-Orthodox communities, and a key voting bloc for Mr. Hynes. 

 

A few years earlier, a charismatic ultra-Orthodox rabbi, Shlomo Helbrans, had agreed to tutor an Israeli couple’s 13-year-old boy, Shai Fhima Reuven, in preparation for his bar mitzvah. 

Instead, the rabbi kidnapped the boy and persuaded him to reject his family and embrace a zealous form of Hasidism. The police had the rabbi cornered. But the Brooklyn district attorney’s office did not want a confrontation; they argued that Shai was just a runaway.  [...]

Within 24 hours of the arrest, the captain said, two assistant district attorneys paid him a visit. They were apologetically emphatic: Your case might be strong, they told him, but our boss, Mr. Hynes, wants you to void the arrest.[...]