Website for improving communication during mourning

YNET

ShivaListings.com has created a website aimed at helping friends and family during the Jewish mourning process. The free service is geared to the Jewish community as well as those who may need help in understanding the Jewish mourning practices.

 ShivaListings.com provides users with a variety of helpful features such as important details regarding the date, times and location of the funeral, cemetery services and shiva (the Jewish period of mourning after the funeral) as well as an information page (which displays information about common Jewish funeral customs). [...]

 

Abuse: Boot camps for troubled teens under attack

Time

For the last 40 years, teens with drug problems, learning disabilities and other behavioral issues have been sent to residential facilities to endure "tough love" techniques that are widely known to include methods of outright physical and psychological abuse.

Whether labeled as boot camps, emotional-growth schools, behavior modification programs or wilderness programs, these organizations have operated without federal oversight, and state regulation of the schools ranges from lax to nonexistent. Now, however, individual critics of the programs are using the Internet to find each other and mobilize, and are bringing change.

Consider the Elan School, in Poland, Maine, which has long been known for its extreme practices. On April 1, Elan shut its doors after four decades in operation, blaming negative publicity online for recent declines in enrollment. "The school has been the target of harsh and false attacks spread over the Internet with the avowed purpose of forcing the school to close," Sharon Terry, Elan's executive director, told the Lewiston Maine Sun Journal.

Rashi questioning assertion of gemora (Berachos 33b)

Berachos (33b): R’ Zera said: Choose the statement of Rabbi Chiya bar Abba because he is very precise in reporting the statements of his teacher like Rachava of Pumbedisa. Because Rachva said in the name of Rabbi Yehuda ….

Rashi (Berachos 33b): Choose the statement of Rabbi Chiya bar Aba…but this is very problematic. First of all Rachava never saw Rabbi Yehuda. He never saw Rabbi Yehuda the son of Rabbi Elai or Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi. Second -  all the other Amoraim were also very precise in reporting matters in the name of the one who originally said them. Furthermore what is quoted doesn’t show that he was being precise…

Eliyahu (Pinchas) will restore Mesora in Messianic Times

From Daas Torah - translation copyrighted

Brisker Rav (Malachi 2:4-7): And you shall know that I have sent this commandment to you, that my covenant might be with Levi, says G d. My covenant was with him for life and peace… The Torah of truth was in his mouth, and iniquity was not found in his lips; he walked with me in peace and uprightness, and he turned many away from iniquity. For the priest’s lips should guard knowledge, and they should seek the Torah from his mouth; for he is a messenger of G-d. We need to understand G d’s promise to return the Mesora (tradition) to the Jewish people in Messianic times. How is it possible to restore the Tradition – which has been passed in an unbroken chain from one person to another going back to Moshe? This chain of the transmission of the Torah has already been broken many generations ago! It appears that Eliyahu HaNavi - who is one of the transmitters of the Tradition (Introduction to Mishna Torah) - will come and restore the Tradition. That is explicit in the verse, “My covenant was with him for life and peace.” This verse is referring to Pinchas [it is the covenant he got after he killed Zimri]. That is why these verses conclude, “For the lips of the cohen should guard knowledge”. This is according to the view that Pinchas and Eliyahu are the same person and he will guard Torah for Israel, as it says, “And they shall seek Torah from his mouth.” That means that Torah will be requested from him and he will return Torah to Israel. (When this explanation was told to Rav Chaim Brisker he responded that it had been stolen from him. He added that is why teachers explain to their students that the word “teiku” [which indicates an apparently unanswerable question] is an abbreviation meaning that Eliyahu will answer questions and difficulties. The purpose of this is to implant the belief in the heart of the child that Eliyahu will restore the Torah) … However the question remains as to why Eliyahu merited to be the one to restore the Tradition. It would appear that this is the result of the incident with Zimri in which the halacha was forgotten. Pinchas was the one who saw what was happening and remembered the halacha. He told Moshe, “We have received the halacha from you that one who has sexual relations with a non Jew is killed by zealots.” Moshe responded, “The one who read the letter should carry it out.” Immediately he took a spear … [and killed Zimri] (See Rashi at the end of Balak and Sanhedrin 82). Because Pinchas was the one who returned the halacha at that time he merited be the one who would restore it in Messianic times. That is implicit in these verses, “The Torah of truth was in his mouth…and he saved many from sin.”  That is why it concludes, “The cohen’s lips shall protect knowledge and they will ask Torah from his mouth.” Therefore also in the times of Moshiach he will be with the one that people will seek Torah from his mouth.

Abusive 8 yr old - pepper sprayed by police in class

ABC

Colorado police and school officials are defending a decision to pepper spray a second grade boy who threatened to kill his teachers.

Aidan Elliot seems like a typical video game loving 8 year old, but what happened in his Glennon Heights Elementary School on Feb. 28 was hardly typical.

"I kind of blow up a little," Aidan said. "I said I'm going to kill you once you get out of that room."

Aidan is in a class for kids with behavior problems. He became enraged, spitting and throwing chairs and even threatening teachers and students with a sharp piece of wood he held like a knife. [...]

Yale accused of failure to deal with sexual abuse

yahoo

Federal civil rights officials are investigating complaints by Yale University students that the Ivy League university has a sexually hostile environment and has failed to adequately respond to sexual harassment concerns.

The U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights confirmed Friday that it has begun an investigation at Yale. The office gets about 7,000 complaints per year and investigates about one-third of them.

The complaint, sent March 15, alleges that the university failed to respond promptly or effectively to incidents of harassment, resulting in the denial of equal opportunity, the office said.[...]

Everyone has a book that only he/she can write

Rav Tzadok (Machshovos Charutz #15): Even though there are already many seforim in the world and Shlomo cautioned against making an unlimited amount of seforim (Koheles 12:12), nevertheless every accomplished student has something new to teach which is uniquely his and that no one else is able to discover… Not a day goes by without a new insight from some accomplished student of that generation. Furthermore that particular insight, which is part of the process of sustaining the existence of the world, needs to remain fixed and permanent in the world. There are in this matter many additional factors and processes concerned with preserving and perpetuating this new insight.

Mental illness of abuse is pikuach nefesh even if not life threatening

from Daas Torah - translation copyrighted

Mordechai (Shabbos 424):. R”i bar Sholom explains that all the cases in the gemora where the choleh says it is necessary (tzarich) is to be understand to mean that it appears to choleh that he will die if they don’t feed him because he thinks that he is in a life threatening condition. There are also commentaries which write concerning the matter of Rav Yannai where the choleh says tzarich where it is understood that it talking about possible life threatening circumstances…. All the cases which are brought in the gemora, our Sages were experts in medicine and they knew these cases were life threatening (sakana) such as lighting a candle when a blind women requested it, or breaking down the door when a child was locked in. It would therefore seem that we are not considered experts in the issue of when to feed a choleh while the choleh is. Therefore if the choleh says that his life is not endangered if he doesn’t eat -  it is prohibited to feed him. This is the same for the question of profaning Shabbos to save someone. For example Avoda Zara (28b) states that if an eye is severely tearing it is permitted to put medicine in it on Shabbos. The gemora explains that this is permitted because there is a connection between the eye and the heart and thus it is life threatening. Consequently if the only concern is for the loss of the eye but we don’t consider it to be life threatening - it would not be permitted to put the medicine in the eye on Shabbos.

However Rabbeinu Tam disagrees with this understanding and he has issued permissive rulings in actual cases even when it is not life threatening. This is what he said: Are the sick people prophets or experts in medicine [that we rely on their judgment to permit violating Shabbos or Yom Kippur]? The fact of the matter is that since the sick person or one who recently gave birth is aware that it is Shabbos or Yom Tov and nevertheless says they need to eat or have Shabbos profaned for them – that means they are not able to bear the pain and discomfort which results from their condition. That is why we feed them on Yom Kippur. And this is true even if they are not in life threating conditions (choleh shain bo sakana). For example, how do we consider that being bitten by a mad dog is life threatening or the case of Rav Ashi and Mar Zutra (Kesubos 61a)? Therefore even though the majority of sick people will recover but nevertheless we are lenient when there is even a possibility of danger or severe mental illness (tiruf daas). The expression “that they are going to die” should not confuse you because that is the expression used by the Talmud and you would want to know then what does “a possibility of death mean.” In fact when the Talmud talks about the concern that these people will die it is not to be taken literally. The term death in these cases is a fear that the person will get sick or deteriorate in some way. This understanding is obviously correct. Thus if the sick person asks to eat or drink it is permitted to feed him or give him drink because the lack of food causes him pains in the heart and because of that he will faint and there are times he won’t recover. Thus even there is only the loss of a limb, I would call it a danger and would therefore permit Shabbos to be profaned. We also see this concerning an injury to the interior of the body where the majority of such cases do not die and similarly the case of pregnant women who smell food - we see that they don’t die and yet we are permitted to feed them. Consequently all cases which involve a lost to the body or loss to a limb or embryo is a danger (sakana). We learn this from the case of the mother who recently gave birth or a pregnant woman or someone who is bled and becomes chilled – that it is permitted to make a fire even during the summer even though we have no concern that they will die from this condition So if Shmuel who was a doctor as well as the Sages who were familiar to some degree about medicine and they said that an individual is knowledgeable about his own suffering. So if they literally meant dying that means that all men are experts in this matter for themselves and the statement can’t be reversed. But in fact even if a person screamed out that he wasn’t going to die from this condition - that we have evaluated that he can’t bear – it is permitted ignore him to profane Shabbos according to our judgment….

Sexual abuse trials of Weberman & Dascalowitz

YUBEACON

At 10:15 on Friday morning, Nechemya Weberman was seen before the judge in the Kings County Supreme Court for what promises to be a long trial involving his alleged rape and sexual assault of a 12 year old girl for three years as she was seeing him as a therapy patient. Weberman was arrested in connection with this on February 23rd and is currently out on $15,000 bail.

Weberman’s lawyer, a slick looking man in an expensive suit, turned down Judge Patricia Dimangos’ offer of five years imprisonment and maintained a pleading of not guilty. The court scheduled to meet again on Wednesday, May 11th for the next step in the proceedings. The trial itself has not been yet set. These proceedings can drag out for months or years, often wearing the victim and her supporters thin.

The defendant is a 53 year old married, unlicensed therapist from the sequestered community of Williamsburg, New York, where almost everyone is Chasidic. The courtroom was filled with Hasidim, most of whom were there to support the victim. Weberman’s wife, son, and two sisters sat in the back corner, avoiding the glances of curious audience members.[...]

Adoption:Should race be a consideration?

Newsweek

Several pairs of eyes follow the girl as she pedals around the playground in an affluent suburb of Baltimore. But it isn't the redheaded fourth grader who seems to have moms and dads of the jungle gym nervous on this recent Saturday morning. It's the African-American man—six feet tall, bearded and wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt—watching the girl's every move. Approaching from behind, he grabs the back of her bicycle seat as she wobbles to a stop. "Nice riding," he says, as the fair-skinned girl turns to him, beaming. "Thanks, Daddy," she replies. The onlookers are clearly flummoxed.

As a black father and adopted white daughter, Mark Riding and Katie O'Dea-Smith are a sight at best surprising, and at worst so perplexing that people feel compelled to respond. Like the time at a Pocono Mountains flea market when Riding scolded Katie, attracting so many sharp glares that he and his wife, Terri, 37, and also African-American, thought "we might be lynched." And the time when well-intentioned shoppers followed Mark and Katie out of the mall to make sure she wasn't being kidnapped. Or when would-be heroes come up to Katie in the cereal aisle and ask, "Are you OK?"—even though Terri is standing right there.[...]

Obama’s War on Schools

Newsweek by Diane Ravitch

Over the past year, I have traveled the nation speaking to nearly 100,000 educators, parents, and school-board members. No matter the city, state, or region, those who know schools best are frightened for the future of public education. They see no one in a position of leadership who understands the damage being done to their schools by federal policies.

They feel keenly betrayed by President Obama. Most voted for him, hoping he would reverse the ruinous No Child Left Behind (NCLB) legislation of George W. Bush. But Obama has not sought to turn back NCLB. His own approach, called Race to the Top, is even more punitive than NCLB. And though over the past week the president has repeatedly called on Congress to amend the law, his proposed reforms are largely cosmetic and would leave the worst aspects of NCLB intact.

The theory behind NCLB was that schools would improve dramatically if every child in grades 3 to 8 were tested every year and the results made public. Texas did exactly this, and advocates claimed it had seen remarkable results: test scores went up, the achievement gap between students of different races was closing, and graduation rates rose. At the time, a few scholars questionedthe claims of a "Texas miracle," but Congress didn't listen. In fact, the "Texas miracle" never happened. [...]

Halachasizing of lashon harah: Mussar principles versus halachic rules:

The following post on Hirhurim has a link to Dr. Benny Brown's paper regarding the transformation of lashon harah - but it applies also to other matters. As affirmation of his basic thesis - my son told me that the Rosh Yeshiva of Slobodka Yeshiva in Bnei Brak told him that the Chazon Ish had said, "Lashon Harah is not a complicated topic. All one needed to remember was not to use speech to hurt others."

 This is also reflected in Rav Sternbuch's teshuva regarding a principal's refusal to listen to lashon harah regarding child abuse as well as the Rav Chaim Ozer's refusal to sign the Chofetz Chaim's pledge never to speak lashon harah.


Hirhurim

Audio Roundup CXXXIX
March 31, 2011

by Joel Rich

Dr. Benny Brown’s paper (pdf link fixed) concerning the Chofetz Chaim’s “halachasizing” approach to lashon hara resonated with some of my lay person’s musings on the subject. My Hirhurim comment prior to reading the paper was “llimud v’lo lmaaseh I always go back to the same question – why was there no real compendium on lashon hara rules until the C”C?

Increased awareness of sexual abuse amongst Orthodox women

Haaretz

Last Wednesday, the day after former President Moshe Katsav was sentenced, Tirza Frenkel, vice-principal of Tehilla, a state-religious girls' high school in Jerusalem, was planning to discuss the case in her 12th-grade civics class. But even earlier, she says, students stopped her in the hall and asked her to address the matter.

Frenkel has a reputation at the school for devoting a lot of attention to sexual abuse, in general, and to the Moshe Katsav affair in particular. The issue preoccupied students throughout the trial (which began in the summer of 2009 ), she says, and discussions were held in classrooms at high points in the proceedings, such as after the verdict.

"I used the case in civics classes to describe court proceedings, to explain what a plea bargain is and why Katsav turned it down - and to discuss sexual abuse," Frenkel says. "In Orthodox parlance, we talk about how every woman was created in the divine image, and therefore has a right to her body and must not be violated."

She told her students that "the personal message to all of you is that you has the right to safeguard your body and to do with it as you see fit, and nobody has the right to demand anything else." [...]

Paying for dialysis when it doesn't prolong life?

NYTimes

Of all the terrible chronic diseases, only one — end-stage kidney disease — gets special treatment by the federal government. A law passed by Congress 39 years ago provides nearly free care to almost all patients whose kidneys have failed, regardless of their age or ability to pay.

But the law has had unintended consequences, kidney experts say. It was meant to keep young and middle-aged people alive and productive. Instead, many of the patients who take advantage of the law are old and have other medical problems, often suffering through dialysis as a replacement for their failed kidneys but not living long because the other chronic diseases kill them.

Kidney specialists are pushing doctors to be more forthright with elderly people who have other serious medical conditions, to tell the patients that even though they are entitled to dialysis, they may want to decline such treatment and enter a hospice instead. In the end, it is always the patient’s choice.

One idea, promoted by leading specialists, is to change the way doctors refer to the decision to forgo dialysis. Instead of saying that a patient is withdrawing from dialysis or agreeing not to start it, these specialists say the patient has chosen “medical management without dialysis.” [...]