Living together first - can ruin marriage

Fox News

Couples who shack up before tying the knot are more likely to get divorced than their counterparts who don't move in together until marriage, a new study suggests.

Upwards of 70 percent of U.S. couples are cohabiting these days before marrying, the researchers estimate.

The study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, indicates that such move-ins might not be wise.

And it's not because you start to get on one another's nerves. Rather, the researchers figure the shared abode could lead to marriage for all the wrong reasons.

"We think that some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting," said lead researcher Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver.

Couples might also be nudged into nuptials because of a joint lease or shared ownership of Fido — along with other practicalities.[...]

Shoteh - How defined /psychology or behavior?

Shalom Reb Daniel Eidensohn,

I was directed to you by a Rav who said you are a psychologist and a talmid chochom who has thought a great deal about the topic matter I would like to bring to your attention and get your opinions on.

Basically, my question is would you consider a person who thinks perfectly rationally, but who is prevented from acting accordingly because of severe OCD (on the level of Howard Hughes) and psychotic paranoia, to be a shoteh according to halachah?

This is a real-life scenario as the person in question absolutely exists and they have been diagnosed by a board certified psychiatrist with those mental illnesses.

Thank you for your time and I very much look forward to your feedback.

RS

Obama's Stimulus Plan - failing

Time Magazine

The $787 billion stimulus plan is turning out to be far less stimulating than its architects expected.

Back in early January, when Obama was still President-elect, two of his chief economic advisers, and leading proponents of a stimulus bill, predicted that the passage of a large economic-aid package would boost the economy and keep the unemployment rate below 8%. It hasn't quite worked out that way. Last month, the jobless rate in America hit 9.5%, the highest level it has reached since 1983. (See 10 ways your job will change.)

The two advisers who wrote the paper, Christina Romer and Jared Bernstein, went on to land key jobs in Obama's Administration. Romer is the head of Obama's Council of Economic Advisers, Bernstein is the chief economist and economic-policy adviser to Vice President Biden. And the stimulus bill that both economists championed became law in mid-February. What has not come to pass, however, is the boom in job creation that Romer and Bernstein predicted. A little over a month ago, the Administration said the stimulus bill had created or saved 150,000 jobs. That's a far cry from the 3 million to 4 million jobs that Romer and Bernstein foresaw back in January.[...]

EJF's hilchos geirus program - what is it's purpose?

It has been claimed by Kanoimpogimbo that his community is being destroyed by rabbis as the result of EJF's welcoming attitude toward interfaith couples. The question is whether EJF in fact encourages the proselytizing of non-Jews who are dating Jews and encourages non-Jews to attend Torah lectures or that these rabbis who are participating in EJF hilchos geirus program have serious misunderstood EJF. Perhaps Roni could explain the purpose of the hilchos geirus program and what it teaches. If in fact these rabbis have misunderstood it, it is obviously necessary to inform R' Tropper that the goals of EJF - in least in this instance - are seriously misunderstood and that he needs to make sure the participants properly understand it. Below is the contract that participants sign. Perhaps R' Tropper should write a public letter condeming their attitude and I would be glad to pass it on and/or publicize it.

Agunos - Fairness and halacha

JPost

Susan Weiss, founding director of the nonprofit Center for Women's Justice, will never forget the day in 2000 when a 36-year-old mother of five walked into her office and pleaded with the New York-born lawyer to help her fight for a divorce.

"She'd been trying to obtain one for more than 10 years," recalls Weiss, a Jerusalem-based mother of five, who in June received an award from the Israel Bar Association for her work in helping agunot or chained women, whose husbands refuse them a get (divorce).

"The rabbinic court had ordered the husband to give a get and to pay child support, but he was still refusing," she continues, adding that the husband had invoked an ancient Jewish law where he claimed to be willing to divorce but only based on certain conditions.

"He said he would divorce her but that she had to waive all her rights to child support," remembers Weiss. "[The rabbinic judges] said that if she did not agree to his demands, then the fact she did not yet have a divorce was her own fault. When she asked the judge how she would be able to support herself and her children if the husband did not pay some form of child support, the rabbis said, 'Go to the haredi community, they will support you there.'"[...]

Supreme court slams acquital of forgiven yeshiva student

Jpost JPost2

The Supreme Court on Monday harshly criticized Jerusalem District Court judge Moshe Drori for his decision not to convict a yeshiva student who ran over Ethiopian-Israeli parking lot cashier Noga Zoarish. The decision was apparently made in order not to harm the man's chances of being appointed as a judge in the rabbinic courts.

"This is a very severe incident. I read the district court decision and did not understand how the yeshiva student was not convicted, it is inconceivable," Justice Edmund Levy said.

Levy also questioned the sincerity of the perpetrator's remorse and public apology to Zoarish, which was one of the grounds for Drori's acquittal, pondering why he expressed no such sentiments while being interrogated by police.

"He was involved in such a severe incident and expressed no remorse. That should also be taken into account when one decides to pave the way for him becoming a rabbinic judge," Levy said.

Levy backed the prosecution's request to remove the gag order on publishing the man's name. "It's unacceptable that he be treated favorably just because he could potentially be appointed as a rabbinic judge. Why does he need to remain anonymous?" he said.

The State Prosecution launched an appeal against the acquittal Monday, and during the court session, Zoarish burst into tears.

"He asked me for forgiveness in court, and I forgave him," she said, referring to the Jerusalem District Court hearing during which the student was acquitted. "But his apology wasn't genuine."[...]

Allow victim to suffer to prevent collateral damage to community?

Under what circumstances should I avoid saving a person from harm because of the collateral damage? Does it make a difference what type of colleteral damage would occur or how many people would suffer?

Is there a difference if the collateral damage is to a single individual, family, school or community. Sources?

If the rabbonim say that the saving the victim of abuse would mean that community's main yeshiva would be destroyed by lawsuits and as a result 90% of the kids would go off the derech. Does the victim have the right to insist on taking measures to protect himself from harm - even if collateral damage results?

Or what about the future. The molesting has stopped but the victim wants to punish perpetrator to deter other perpetrators in the future. Community says that they are not willing lose yeshiva for the sake of protecting against future acts. Does the victim have to go along with their decision. Sources?

Does the non compliance with the community wishes constitute a transgression of any specific mitzva? Or is it simply that the community has the right apply all types sanctions to achieves but there is no actual sin.

Another way of looking at it is that the community should have taken proactive measures to make sure this dilemna never arises - but since it didn't can they avoid the consequences?

Responsibility - absolved if case is reported to rabbi/police?

I need some sources regarding the question of whether a person is absolved of responsibility by going to a rabbi or police. For example we know that a person is obligated to try and save another from harm. If he sees another drowning or hears a plot against him he needs to either save him or have others save the person.

When I discover a case of abuse and report this information to a rabbi or the police - am I free from future obligation? Or should I view that I have merely delegated the task to another but that the primarily responsibility remains with me. This seems to be the issue of a shomer who hands his job over to another shomer. If there is any damage the first shomer is responsible.

שולחן ערוך (חושן משפט רצא:כו): שומר שמסר לשומר, חייב, אפילו אם הוא שומר חנם ומסר לשומר שכר, דאמר ליה: את מהימן לי בשבועה היאך לא מהימן לי בשבועה. אפילו אם ידוע לכל שהשני טוב וכשר יותר מראשון. הגה: מיהו שומר שמסר לשומר לפני המפקיד, ולא מיחה, פטור (מרדכי פרק המפקיד). לפיכך אם דרך הבעלים להפקיד תמיד דבר זה אצל השומר השני, הרי השומר הראשון פטור מלשלם, והוא שלא ימעט שמירתו; אבל אם מיעט שמירתו, כגון שהראשון היה שומר שכר והשני ש"ח, או שהראשון שואל והשני ש"ש, פושע הוא הראשון ומשלם, אע"פ ששאל או שכר בבעלים. ואם יש עדים ששמר השני כראוי, נפטר שומר ראשון. ואפילו לא היו שם עדים, אם השומר הראשון ראה ויכול הוא לישבע, הרי זה נשבע ונפטר (ועיין סימן ע"ב סעיף ל').

Is that true in the case of an obligation to protect another person from harm? In other words if I report a case of abuse do I need to do a follow up that the case is in fact being properly dealt with? Additional if I try once to help and fail - do I need to keep trying?

Children recant sex abuse charge after father serves 20 years

Associated Press

Former Vancouver police officer Clyde Ray Spencer spent nearly 20 years in prison after he was convicted of sexually molesting his son and daughter. Now, the children say it never happened.

Matthew Spencer and Kathryn Tetz, who live in Sacramento, Calif., each took the stand Friday in Clark County Superior Court to clear their father's name, The Columbian newspaper reported.

Matthew, now 33, was 9 years old at the time. He told a judge he made the allegation after months of insistent questioning by now-retired Clark County sheriff's detective Sharon Krause just so she would leave him alone.

Tetz, 30, said she doesn't remember what she told Krause back in 1985, but she remembers Krause buying her ice cream. She said that when she finally read the police reports she was "absolutely sure" the abuse never happened.

"I would have remembered something that graphic, that violent," Tetz said.

Spencer's sentence was commuted by then-Gov. Gary Locke in 2004 after questions arose about his conviction. Among other problems, prosecutors withheld medical exams that showed no evidence of abuse, even though Krause claimed the abuse was repeated and violent.

Despite the commutation, Spencer remains a convicted sex offender. He is hoping to have the convictions overturned. [...]

Rabbi Tropper apologizes!

I wish to thank Roni for the following:

Rav Sternbuch on the EJF

Posted by Rabbi Tropper Posted in EJF Posted on 11-07-2009

Tags: EJF, Rav Sternbuch

Rabbi Tropper:

Is it true that your blog claimed that Rav Sternbuch told someone that he was against nasty attacks on EJF?

Rabbi Tropper responds:

I was so told. Subseqently someone emailed me that what I reported on the blog was not true and that Rav Sternbuch had not spoken to anyone regarding the attacks on EJF. I thanked him for notifying me and told him That I would correct it ASAP.

That Person Emailed me again thanking me.

I then Removed it from the Blog immediatly and notified that person that it had been corrected.

I apologize for the mistake.

EJF - Making peace with R' Tropper

This Shabbos Rav Sternbuch told me about a telephone call he received this week. He said that someone had called him and said that it was time to make peace between R' Tropper and myself. That they were tired of being criticized. He told the caller that he was not getting involved in the matter. The rest of our conversation is not for publication.

The issue in fact is not between me and R' Tropper. It is between R' Tropper and Rav Sternbuch. All that we have been asking for the last two years is the halachic reasoning of their poskim for what they are doing. [The teshuva from Rav Reuven Feinstein is not adequate because it doesn't address their proselytizing efforts] Then Rav Sternbuch either agrees or disagrees with it. If R' Tropper is too shy to make an appointment I will be glad to make an appointment for him. It would be helpful if he would take Rav Reuven Feinstein along. Rav Sternbuch's views have simply served as the justification for me to raise questions and criticize the published descriptions of what R' Tropper is doing. If Rav Sternbuch is satisfied with what they are doing I will be too. If R' Tropper doesn't want to do that, teshuvos from Rav Eliashiv or Rav Reuven Feinstein could serve the same function. This is really the absurdity of the situation. The issue could have been resolved a long time ago with minimum effort.

Obama & his Russian diplomatic "successes"

Washington Post Charles Krauthammer

The signing ceremony in Moscow was a grand affair. For Barack Obama, foreign policy neophyte and "reset" man, the arms reduction agreement had a Kissingerian air. A fine feather in his cap. And our president likes his plumage.

Unfortunately for the United States, the country Obama represents, the prospective treaty is useless at best, detrimental at worst.

Useless because the level of offensive nuclear weaponry, the subject of the U.S.-Russia "Joint Understanding," is an irrelevance. We could today terminate all such negotiations, invite the Russians to build as many warheads as they want and profitably watch them spend themselves into penury, as did their Soviet predecessors, stockpiling weapons that do nothing more than, as Churchill put it, make the rubble bounce.

Obama says that his START will be a great boon, setting an example to enable us to better pressure North Korea and Iran to give up their nuclear programs. That a man of Obama's intelligence can believe such nonsense is beyond comprehension. There is not a shred of evidence that cuts by the great powers -- the INF treaty, START I, the Treaty of Moscow (2002) -- induced the curtailment of anyone's programs. Moammar Gaddafi gave up his nukes the week we pulled Saddam Hussein out of his spider hole. No treaty involved. The very notion that Kim Jong Il or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will suddenly abjure nukes because of yet another U.S.-Russian treaty is comical.

The pursuit of such an offensive weapons treaty could nonetheless be detrimental to us. Why? Because Obama's hunger for a diplomatic success, such as it is, allowed the Russians to exact a price: linkage between offensive and defensive nuclear weapons.

This is important for Russia because of the huge American technological advantage in defensive weaponry. We can reliably shoot down an intercontinental ballistic missile. They cannot. And since defensive weaponry will be the decisive strategic factor of the 21st century, Russia has striven mightily for a quarter-century to halt its development. Gorbachev tried to swindle Reagan out of the Strategic Defense Initiative at Reykjavik in 1986. Reagan refused. As did his successors -- Bush I, Clinton, Bush II. [...]

Does R' Tropper view Rav Reuven Feinstein as a posek?

R' Tropper recently rejected the views of a prominent Midwestern Rav - who is opposed to EJF - as not being those of a posek but merely a talmid chachom. R' Tropper explcitly states that he views Rav Eliashiv and Rav Dovid Feinstein as poskim - but that he views most talmidei chachom as not being considered poskim - even those who answer halachic questions. Obviously he does not view himself as a posek. But this declaration - printed below - would imply that he does not view the head of his halachic committee - Rav Reuven Feinstein as a posek. That would mean that he is acknowledging the radical halachic changes of his organization are being certified by a prominent talmid chachom - but not someone that R' Tropper considers a posek! He also acknowledges that he has received words of encouragement from the great contemporary poskim - but does not mention a single letter explicitly supporting EJF halachic innovations.

If in fact he did not mean to imply that Rav Reuven Feinstein is not a posek - he should explicity state this and apologize for his unintentional slight to Rav Reuven's kavod.
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Rabbi Tropper's blog

Rabbi Tropper I heard that there is a Rav who is a Posek in the Midwest, who is strongly opposed to the EJF. Are you aware of this opposition?

Answer: Rabbi Tropper says:

No I am not aware. I am sure that who ever this Rav is he must be a Talmid Chochom. However I am not aware of any Posek in the Midwest at all.

I heard from the Great Gaonim Maran Harav Yisroel Gustman, zt’l and Maran Harav Yitzchok Hutner, zt’l on different occasions that not every Rav is a Posek. A Posek is one who knows Bavli, yerushalmi, Michilta, Tur bais Yosef, 4 chelkei Shulchan aruch in great depth. One who could analyze a halachic issue and bring proof from various places in Shas to the issue at hand.

These words are similiar to the Daas Torah I heard from the great Posek, Harav Yosef Eliyahu Henkin, zt’l. Rav Henkin, then went on to tell me a story about the Maharsham, zt’l who would bring 8 proofs from shas to support his Psakim.

One who knows all of Mishne Berura albeit by heart is a Rav not a Posek!

One who memorizes all of the Piskei Chazon Ish or the Psakim of the Tshbiner Rav or the Igros Moshe is NOT a posek.

I am not aware of any POSEK in the midwest. I know of a few respected rabbonim in the Midwest. Even great Talmedei Chachomim, but not Poskim.

In Eretz Yisroel We have 3 or 4 SENIOR Poskim, Maran Harav Yosef Sholom Eliyashuv, shlit”a, Maran Harav Shmuel Wosner, shlit”a (The Chazon Ish said about Maran Harav Wosner, shlit”a that if Moshiach would arrive during his time, he would be a Member of the Sanhedrin). Maran Harav Ovadia Yosef, shlit”a whose knowledge in all aspects of Shas and Poskim is legendary.

In the U.S. many Bnei Torah refer to Hagaon Rav D. Feinstein, shlit”a as a great Posek.

Many of the newcomers to Yiddishkeit ask a Shaila to a Rav.

They Believe that the most simple question answered by a Rav is from a “Posek”. We should educate them properly.

The danger in this confusion is that when Maran Harav Wosner, shlit”a or Maran Harav Eliyashuv, shlit”a issue a Halachic decision and a Rav in the Midwest or in NY argues, it becomes in their mind a “Machlokes haposkim”. That is Dangerous!

A Rav in NY or in LA or in the Midwest who argues with the above mentioned Poskim is not classified as a “Machlokes Haposkim”.

Hence, the Gedoley Haposkim and the Gedoley Horoah, shlit”a who strongly endorse the efforts of EJF to stop fraudelent conversion amongst Klal Yisroel, speak to those who respect Daas Torah.

As much as a Moreh Horoah can say, his words are secondary next to the words of the Poskei Hador.

A hand written letter of support for Netzach Mishpachas Yisroel was written by Maran, the great Gaon Harav Chaim Kanievsky, shlit”a and read at the conference held recently in Yerushalayim. Another letter of elaborate support came from the Zkan Rosh Hayeshivos in Eretz Yisroel.

Rav Sternbuch - between a blessing & curse

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