Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Tamar’s Supporters Continue to Publicly Make False Allegations Against Aharon

Guest post:   

Tamar Epstein and her supporters consider Tamar to be free to remarry under Jewish Law.  But that is not enough.  Instead, Tamar’s supporters are continuing their years long international propaganda campaign against Aharon Friedman, making misleading and even outright false allegations against Aharon.

A recent article in the Jerusalem Post by Barbra Sofer, J Post, claims that Aharon refused to give Tamar a get despite Aharon’s decision to divorce Tamar. “She [Tamar] and Friedman agreed to end their marriage, and received a civil divorce in 2010.” This allegation is completely false. Tamar insisted on divorce while Aharon wanted to keep their family intact. ;After Tamar brought Aharon to trial in civil court over her claim for divorce, Tamar admitted in her proposed findings:

“[Tamar] filed a Counterclaim for Limited Divorce and subsequently filed a Supplemental Complaint for Absolute Divorce based on mutual and voluntary separation without cohabitation. [Aharon] testified and the court finds that [Aharon] has repeatedly asked [Tamar] to reconcile, thus eliminating the grounds of mutual and voluntary separation. However, either party may file an Amended Complaint for Absolute Divorce based on two years of separation [which Tamar subsequently did] and the hearing will be held on April 12, 2010 [the date Tamar subsequently obtained a civil divorce]; two years after the date of separation.”

Sofer also asserts that Tamar left Silver Spring where the family lived and “moved back to the safety and sanity of her parents’ home in Philadelphia.” The very clear insinuation is that Tamar was not safe in Silver Spring because Aharon physically beat her. In a similar vein, ORA has repeatedly accused Aharon of domestic abuse and Tamar herself asserted in another Jerusalem Post article that Aharon abused her while they lived together.

These vicious accusations are completely false. Tamar, in compiling a list of pros and cons for leaving the marriage, wrote that she believed that Aharon was “loving, sweet, affectionate, gentle” to her. During the trial, when asked directly by the Court, Tamar admitted there was no domestic violence. [The Court had interjected while Tamar was going on at length with vicious but nonspecific accusations concerning how horribly Aharon supposedly treated her.]

Perhaps most tellingly, Sofer neglects to mention that Tamar didn’t just move back to Pennsylvania; Tamar unilaterally relocated the child over Aharon’s objections and without even bothering to tell Aharon. In other words, Tamar abducted the child to another state. The official Comment to the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction & Enforcement Act [codified by nearly every State in response to the federal Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act], describes the unilateral relocation of a child by one parent as “reprehensible” and explains that the Act “ensures that abducting parents will not receive an advantage for their unjustifiable conduct” –including a “parent who abducts the child pre-decree.” But to Sofer and Tamar’s other supporters, that Tamar would (and should) abduct the child is so obvious that it goes without saying, apparently because a child is a mere piece of chattel wholly owned by the mother who has an absolute right to relocate the child, without permission of any court or beis din, to wherever the mother pleases.

31 comments :

  1. I will make some general comments, since I do not know the specific timeline of events for this case.

    Often, a woman's social circle is highly toxic - in general population, and I cannot speak for hareidi american ashkenazim. A group of single or divorced women, or even marrie busy-bodies will coax a woman who has minor problems into getting a divorce, getting a big chunk of $$$ in the process, and then living a fun and exciting life in her new house and new exciting man.

    Another trick to gain sympathy from the legal process is to falsely allege abuse, child abuse , in which case the husband will be lucky if he doesnt get jailed.

    What might be "abuse" - perhaps shouting back in an argument? Each case has to be looked at on its merits, not that all men are abusive. I see child abduction has being highly abusive, so I am surprised there is no defence, although the situation is the same in UK.

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  2. A husband who wants Shalom Bayis may decide not to divorce his wife, per halacha, even if she insists on a divorce.

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    1. Yes, we know. And they will live happily ever after, separated, but married...

      And of course, those men are all makpid on marital fidelity and will never have sexual interccourse until their death finally frees their ex-wife.

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    2. Usually the wife drops dead sooner thus freeing the husband, since women have a much harder time living all alone and by themselves.

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    3. Fem: Shalom Bayis means he is holding out for reconciliation. That is not only his right but is also wise. Often with the passage of time, sometimes a short time and sometimes a long time, she too will realize reconciliation is the way to go. (Especially if the alternative is a life of loneliness.)

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    4. better barefoot than too tight shoes...

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  3. Shaila for Blogger PoskimJanuary 8, 2014 at 7:42 PM

    Question: Regarding the alleged abduction in this case and in all cases -- if the child is an infant (as was the case here and in Dodelson-Weiss), what is a nursing mom supposed to do? Infants need their moms more than their Dad's. It's biological. What do you suppose she or Gittal do? Leave the infants behind for the fulltime working/learning, non-lactating father to care for?

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    1. Uhhhh, don't take the child away so far that the father can't have access? Encourage the father to be around as much as possible for the child?

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    2. Superintendant ChalmersJanuary 8, 2014 at 8:47 PM

      Gimme a break. No kid has ever died from drinking Similac from a bottle.

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    3. stay in the same city that the marital home was in - don't pick up and run back to mommy!

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    4. Shaila for Blogger PoskimJanuary 9, 2014 at 4:50 AM

      @Michelob and @Shana - point noted. However, have you considered this on practical terms. Assuming both Gital and Tamar were stay at home mothers who were not employed and their husbands were working or learning full time, how could they pay for rent in a new apartment themselves? Going to their parents, where they can live rent free and get help caring for a sleepless infant (we've all been there) seems like the reasonable and practical way to go. Also, in Gital's case, she stayed in the greater NY area, where Avrohom Meir lived. Do you really think she had the option to leave a 1month old with her fulltime learning husband? Seems preposterous to me! Same goes for Tamar. Her daughter was maybe 4 months old I think I read. Think of your own children at 4 months (if you have children) - would they have been able to survive without their mothers at that age? My own daughter could not have. She had eating issues and most formulas were not suitable - the only ones that could have possibly worked for her digestive allergies contained chazer (pig) or were so expensive that insurance would not have covered the cost of $50 for a 3 day supply!! You don't always know the small details that cause these moms to do what they do. It's unfair to assume they were solely acting in their own best interests.

      @Superintendant Chalmers - there's your answer to the Similac bit. And yes, formula that early on can be harmful. Consult your local pediatrician and they can refer you to reams of literature on the topic.

      So leave baby at 4 months with Papa who is working full time on capital hill in a demanding job, or with Papa who is learning full time in a rigorous kollel program?

      Come on guys - think about your own kids or grandkids -- it'll force you to be practical.

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    5. Soymilk is for babies that have allergies, very affordable. Making Sholom Bayis is both, cheap and affordable, it just takes a little maturing. it is the best solution for all parties involved. Don't tell me the shoes are too tight, adjust the shoelaces. No, you don't have to have everything your way. Stop being an akshan, Be mevater. look away at your pride, eventually things will be coming your way. Do NOT let parents meddle in your life, and don't let them gang up on him, it is hazardous for your life. Al tevahel es picho lachti es besarcho... lama yiktsof Elokim vachavol maaseh yodecho, veidach zill ugmor, WIN WIN. Yes, if there is a will, there is a way. Kemayim ponim el ponim, ken lev heodom el heodom.

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    6. First, consider that if the mother really cared about the well-being of the child, she would stay in the marriage. A mother who makes a decision to have a child should realize that there are consequences to that decision, such as a great responsibility to try to keep a family intact for the well-being of the child.
      Both Tamar and Gital left shortly (several months at the most) after the child each decided to bring into this world was born. Do you really think they could have tried very hard to make their marriages work?

      Aharon left the family's apartment at Tamar's demand. She had a place to stay in SIlver Spring. In addition, Tamar has a married sister who lives nearby in Sliver Spring. You think it is justifiable for Tamar to run back to her mommy and daddy because she needs her parents? What about the child? It is particularly important at such a young age for a child to have daily contact with both parents. Why do Tamar's desires automatically come before the basic needs of the child?
      And finally, if Tamar was really so set upon relocating the child, why didn't she bring Aharon to beis din for permission to relocate the child? And if you don't believe in beis din, (which is another whole issue) why didn't she ask a court for permission to relocate the child?
      It is horrible enough to demand in court permission to relocate a child,especially an infant, away from the other parent. But how do you justify simply unilaterally relocating the child to another state over the objections of the other parent. There is a reason that the law refers to such action as an abduction that is reprehensible and unjustifiable.

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  4. Avinu av harachmanJanuary 8, 2014 at 8:06 PM

    my heart goes out for Aharon and his child. Looking at it objectively, she has no grounds for divorce, nor any good reason at all. This whole saga is a Maisseh Satan, and this is a classic example where the Mizbeach, "hashulchan asher lifnei h'", sheds tears and cannot be consoled. What a shame.

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  5. This guest post is very misleading, and commits the dishonest sin of guilt by association. He writes “Tamar’s supporters are continuing their years long international propaganda campaign against Aharon Friedman.” The article which formed the basis of that allegation wrote “The usually vociferous ORA is close lipped on further details. So is Epstein”. Indeed the article quotes no one associated with Tamar saying anything about Aharon.

    Everyone knows that neither Tamar, the Epstein family, ORA, nor anyone associated with them have gone public with any new charges against Aharon. Some of Tamar’s supporters accept her family’s assertion that the matter is closed, while others like me are confused by her relying on a Heter that wasn’t shared with anyone.

    The only Tamar supporter in this entire article was its author, Barbara Sofer. As she also supports the Rackman Center, she’s not someone the rest of us care about. At one point in her silly piece she even admits that was she just wrote was “only speculation”. All you can say is that someone who views herself as a Tamar supporter continues to attack Aharon.

    There are lots of frum Jews who believe all sorts of silly things. Should I write a headline “Frum Jews continue their absurd claim Obamacare is no different than Communism”? No group should be held accountable for every stupid thing claimed by any of its members.

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    1. Tamar, her family and the rabbis to whom they have very close financial ties have spent years conducting an international propaganda campaign against Aharon and his family filled with misinformation and outright lies. Have they indicated to Sofer that they wanted her to continue spreading the lies? Who knows. But even if they did not, it should certainly have been obvious to them that once they started the propaganda campaign that others would likely continue it indefinitely. So Daas Torah shouldn’t publish information refuting the false allegations against Aharon just because it is isn’t completely clear whether the lies are now being spread at the explicit direction of the Epstein family?

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  6. If everything you're saying is true, and at this point in a case we're both sides have made claims about each other it is very damning however what you fail to explain is why if her actions should be legal definition of kidnapping the court did not penalize her for that in anyway

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  7. Since the intro of Formula, there is no more a tinok shetzarich leimo. Don't forget, basya acquired a nurse for Moshe rabenu. In any which case, you don't just grab the kid and run, they both are parents and make fare arrabgements for the best interest of all parties involved. Veahavta lereacho kamocha, goes even for life after divorce. Umibsarcha lo titalem.

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  8. Catch 22 Mimo nafshochJanuary 8, 2014 at 10:03 PM

    There's a fatal flaw in an Annulment of Tamar. Refusing visitaion Rights for the Father of child is an indication of being Sadistic in nature. If Beis Din considers him to indicate Sadism, then she met her match of the same kind. Therefore, she cannot seek an annulment on those grounds. Boomerang! Motzo min es mino.

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    1. Shaila for Blogger PoskimJanuary 10, 2014 at 4:54 AM

      I am pretty sure he has visitation rights. Please don't misunderstand the facts and then spread falsities.

      By the way, a daughter, al pi halacho, is supposed to live with her mother. I guess it's a "girl thing" as they say colloquially.

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    2. Do you mean provided he goes with body guards and body armor to keep the Prod Epsteins at bay. Last time he went to pick up his child, he was ambushed by a goon squad. Zu torah, vezu schoro?

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  9. Unfortunately, the American female will find it more difficult in the years ahead in getting married. This is because Feminism has SANDWICHED the man into a no win situation. On the one-hand when women were "liberated" they caused a sexual revolution which made it easy for a man to hook up with a woman without committment. Therefore why get married? On the other hand " DIVORCE ON DEMAND" will also drive men to not marry or to seek out a foreign bride. So thank you AMERICANAS you have created your own marital demise!!!

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    1. Shaila for Blogger PoskimJanuary 9, 2014 at 4:55 AM

      @Shmuel:
      "On the one-hand when women were "liberated" they caused a sexual revolution which made it easy for a man to hook up with a woman without committment. Therefore why get married?" -- I didn't realize that all men (including frum men?) get married for the conjugal rights alone. Thanks for making that clear. Wonder why any secular marriage occur in America in that case...
      ""DIVORCE ON DEMAND" will also drive men to not marry or to seek out a foreign bride." -- a foreign bride would have the same purported benefits to feminism that you state here. Therefore this makes no logical sense in the context of your theoretical scenario.


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    2. CRISIS Tshuvo tartei mashmaJanuary 9, 2014 at 4:19 PM

      They have already declared a Shiduch crisis in place. Since Feminism went public, there is also an AIDS crisis. These are same activists that have in the past brought on a Mabul crisis and Sdom VAmORAh crisis. Who knows what else they are responsible for, Ozone layer holes, Global warmings, Global coolings, Ocean overflows, Changing coastlines, Typhoons, Tidal waves, Torrential rains, Hurricanes, Earthquakes, Reactivating dormant Volcanoes, Fukushima disasters, Causing stiff fish to swim on their backs. These WMD's pironiyos are of Biblical proportions , costing hundreds of Billions of Dolllars in loss by only 10% of the population that are responsible for all this. It is for good reason that an Island of Fallout debris as big as Texas heading and pointing to Fornica California, R'L. Yovay yayno, where is Kikayon deYoine? 'Od meat veavadnu'

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    3. Shaila for Blogger PoskimJanuary 10, 2014 at 4:52 AM

      @crisis - not sure if you meant to be hilarious there, but I enjoyed your lyrical creative writing.

      You bring up an interesting point -- the AIDS epidemic. With it still rampant, men can't just "hook up" as was said above, as much as @Shmuel is hoping they can. Too bad the Torah prohibits the use of protective physical measures to guard men who want promiscuous intimate lives because they are afraid to marry any woman since she may one day want feel that a divorce is necessary. It's crazy to think that anyone not in the frum world gets married today at all given that divorce is an equitable scenario in the secular world. May God protect us all.

      As for the shidduch crisis -- i read an interesting article today that suggest why one exists: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/what-were-we-thinking/2014/01/09/
      This article suggests that many men in the frum world arent even prepared to satisfy their ketuba promise of providing food, clothes and shelter. Too bad huh?

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  10. Mr. Epstein declared he never gave a Get. ORA declared her FREE, with no backing of any kind. Who is tight lipped?

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  11. Dor Yeshorim avoiding a mekachJanuary 9, 2014 at 2:21 AM

    Couples before they marry should go to a Counselor to find out beforehand whether she is a Feminist, because it is heading for disaster, and once she makes a baby, she will head straight to the court and demand a get. Yes, there is a blood test for such, and also look at her hairstyle if it's a crew cut.

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  12. For an explanation of how Tamar succeeded in having her abduction of the child recognized as a fait accompli, see http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2012/04/procedural-summary-of-epstein-friedman.html

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  13. It is outrageous for anyone, certainly someone who doesn't know Mr. Friedman, like R Kaminetsky, to declare him 'psychologically deranged' enough to declare the marriage annulled. Any of his friends and colleagues on Capital Hill could testify to his 'normalcy'. If I remember correctly, the therapist that Friedman and Epstein saw during their marriage, thought that the marriage could be worked out - I think that alone would void any cries of 'psychological' claims as well as any 'abuse' claims and makes any annulment a complete joke and the supposed Rabbi who wrote it should be ostracized for complete 'apikorsis' and making a joke of the Torah. Once again it is truly amazing what money and influence will do.

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    1. Why dont you wait to see if that is actually the basis of the annulment?

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    2. don't hold your breathJanuary 16, 2014 at 2:31 PM

      They will never disclose their blank trump card

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