Vilna Gaon's Letter to his wife: Mussar, beatings & sensitivity

Vilna Gaon

[...] [translation is copyrighted] I also ask of you a very important request. You should guide our daughters very carefully so that they should never utter a curse, an oath, a falsehood or words of strife. Rather everything that they do should be done peacefully and gently from love and affection. You will find amongst my books a number of Yiddish mussar books. The children should read them constantly especially on Shabbos, the special holy day, when mussar books are the only thing that they should read. In fact you should constantly guide them with mussar books. For cursing, oaths or lies, you must beat them and not show them any mercy. That is because, G‑d forbid!, for the corruption of the children - the parents are severely punished and they will suffer shame in the World-to Come. As it is written (Vayikra 21:9), She profanes her father. In a case where the child is wicked even the son of a righteous man is called “a wicked person the son of a wicked person.” (Sanhedrin 52a). this is true in other matters such a lashon harah. [...] However the most impotant thing is that they should not simply leave the house and go outside – G-d forbid! When they do go out they should be careful to honor your and my mother and all those who are older  then them. In addition they must fulfil all that is written in the mussar books. Also your children – they should live – it is important to raise them in the straight path with gentleness. [...] I have also left books for them. For the sake of G‑d guide them with good and gently. You should also carefully watch their health and make sure they have enough food so they don’t feel they are deprived. You should first have them learn the entire Chumash to the degree that they know it almost entirely by heart. Be careful that the learning should not be through pressure but with gentleness. That is because learning is not absorbed properly except with calmness and gentleness. As motivation you should give them money or other rewards. It is important that you are always conscious of these matters which I have mentioned and everything else is trivial [...] Amongst my books is a copy of Mishlei in Yiddish. For the sake of G‑d they should read it everyday. It is better than all the mussar books.  They should also read Koheles constantly before you. That is because it clearly explains the insignificance of this world as do other books. Nonetheless, G‑d forbid! – that they should view reading books as their goal because it doesn’t necessarily motivate a person to act. In fact there are many who read mussar but do not act differently as a result. That is because of what we mentioned before - as well as going out into the world without purpose – causes everything to be lost. It is like one who plants seeds without first preparing the ground through plowing. Therefore the wind and the birds carry away the seeds because they are not properly fenced off and protected. Some plant on stone. This is referring to the heart of stone that nothing can penetrate. It is first necessary to hit the stone until it shatters. That is why I wrote to you that you should hit your children if they don’t obey as Mishlei  (22:6) states,  “Train the youth in the way he should go.”  This is an important principle of chinuch.

Update: Rav Dessler correctly notes that the Gra is describing two aspects of hitting. One is a punishment - and that seems to be limited either as a last resort or only for certain things that he specifies. However there is a second aspect where hitting serves to teach the child proper midos of humility and submission to authority - which enable him to listen properly and thus learn properly. This is clearly the view from Makkos 8a

This is from volume 3 page 361

עי' היטב באגרת הגר"א ז"ל (נדפס בסוף המסילת ישרים) ז"ל שם :,.ויש שזורע על האבן, והוא לב האבן שאינו נכבס בו כלל, וצריך להכות את האבן עד שתתפוצץ, לכן כתבתי לך שתכה את בנינו אם לא ישמעו לך"' כו'.

- הרי מכאן ענין אחר לגמרי בהכאה, דהיינו לעשות לבן לב נשבר ונדכה. ועי' היטב בדרך עץ החיים להרמח"ל זצ"ל, בד"ה :ועתה נחזור לשורש הענין ,וד"ה :הנה התורה היא הנקארת עוז. קשה להעתיק כל אורך לשונו, אבל הדברים עמיקים מאד, ומבט אחר להם לגמרי, דהיי' שהכאת הבנים היא בבחינת הפרדת ערלת הלב ובבחינת חבוט הקבר.

Rav Aharon Feldman says Rabbi Dov Lipman's hashkofa is not that of Yeshiva Ner Yisroel or its former rosh yeshiva

update:May 7 2013

Hear recording of Rav Feldman strongly denounce Rabbi Lipman

====================
Today's Hebrew Mishpacha (page 4) reports that Rav Aharon Feldman - the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Ner Yisroel in Baltimore - has rejected Rabbi Dov Lipman's assertion that his hashkofa views are that of the yeshiva and in particular that of the former rosh yeshiva Rav Shmuel Yaakov Weinberg zt"l.

ביום חמישי האחרון בעקבות פניה שהגיעה אליו החליט ראש ישיבת "נר ישראל" ומנהיג מועצת גדולי התורה של אגודת ישראל בארצות הברית, הג"ר אהרון פלדמן, להתנער מבוגר הישיבה לחלוטין.

במכתב שנשלח על ידי הגר"א, נאמר כי הישיבה מתנגדת לדרכו של ליפמן ולכל דרך שתמנע את לימוד התורה ממי שחפצה נפשו בכך.  "העמדות וההצהרות של ח"כ ליפמן אינן משקפות בשום אופן את הדעות והחינוך של ישיבת  "נר ישראל" או של ראש ישיבתה לשעבר הגאון  הרב שמואל יעקב ויינברג זצ"ל". כתב הגר"א.  "ישיבתנו מבוססת על היסוד שתלמוד התורה הוא ציפור נפשו של עם ישראלי,' ממשיך הרב פלדמן  במכתבו, "ולכן דעתנו שאין זכות לשום יחיד או  גוף ממשלתי שקורא את עצמו יהודי למנוע בכל  צורה שהיא את המוסרים את נפשם ללימוד התורה".  

"משפחה" פנה לח"כ ליפמן וביקש את תגובתו על  הדברים, אולם תגובתו לא התקבלה עד סגירת הגיליון·

Who does Rabbi Dov Lipman of Yesh Atid speak for? (Part 2) by RaP

Guest post by RaP.   See the new very informative YouTube video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5O-qinTh70 (6 minutes in Hebrew, but not complicated. Posted on May 1, 2013 by MK DOV LIPMAN himself !)

 

"Who does Rabbi Dov Lipman of Yesh Atid speak for?" was exactly the implied question of Degel HaTorah Knesset member Rabbi Asher who screamed and ranted that Rabbi Dov Lipman is "not Charedi" and should stop pretending to speak as a Charedi. 

It seems the Degel HaTorah people think it's their job to maul the Yesh Atid people in the Knesset in front of the cameras which only makes the Degel HaTorah people look bad and boosts the ratings of Yesh Atid.

Once again the conflicts between the liberal-minded Ner Yisrael (in Baltimore, Maryland, USA) educated type of younger disciples of Rav Yaakov Weinberg z"l and the Israeli-educated Charedim comes to the fore. Kind of like the Liberals versus the Conservatives of the Charedi world facing off without faking that they like each other. It is as if finally, after a very, very long time, an Aish HaTorah softy smiley kindly type of kiruv rabbi (which Rabbi Lipman was for a number of years) is coming face to face and confronting an Israeli hard core tough and gruff Charedi politician such as Rabbi Asher who was mayor of Bnai Brak and was appointed by Rav Shteinman.  

Once again, it is the Yesh Atid team, here represented by the obviously very sincere and earnest Rabbi Lipman who comes out ahead in the debate with Rabbi Asher of Degel HaTorah. 

The unfortunate thing is that Rabbi Asher launched into a very personal attack against Rabbi Lipman. He should have stuck to the issues and cited Halachas or rulings of gedolim, but instead he just bluntly tried to bludgeon Lipman into a pulp which naturally did not work, since Lipman is tough enough in his own way (his father was a US Judge don't forget so he is no patsy) and he has already been used to being physically attacked in Jerusalem by Charedim for his advocacy. Lipman on the other hand was OBVIOUSLY prepared for such an uncalled for personal attack at any time and whipped out a list of Torah sources and correct points in Hashkofa, while in the background the hard-core cynical politicians in the Knesset stood around not knowing how to digest such intellectual honesty.

Lipman is immune to Charedi verbal abuse just as he is immune to physical attacks from them. It is shame that Rabbi Asher wants to continue in the Knesset a style that has not worked in the back alleys of Jerusalem. More civility and KIRUV is called for, not more vilification and name calling!!!

The issues at hand, about women praying at the Kotel, is now moot because the Israeli courts and obviously some smart Israeli politicians have managed to stop this issue from blowing up.

But there was really no need to pounce on Lipman personally since it only makes him MORE popular. The real question is who gave Lipman semicha and is it valid, if not have it pulled, otherwise respect his credentials, and who allowed him to become a rabbi in the first place, if he is then he is entitled to respect not just as rabbi but as a human being. 

The answer is that there are in fact liberal American Charedim, they are even in Israel. These are part of the "new Charedim" that the old time Israeli Charedim feel threaten by them, but they will have to adjust to this new wave of olim and live with them not just try to trample them into the dust. 

Otherwise the old-style Charedim are going to be sitting in the opposition for a very long time and more people like Dov Lipman will win the PR war because they are genuinely nice and caring. They know how to do GOOD  KIRUV, and it's obvious that while Yair Lapid and Dov Lipman do not share the same religious outlooks and levels, in fact one is an American-trained Orthodox rabbi and one is a secular Israeli Yuppie TV celebrity, yet they found common ground in this NEW  POLITICAL  REALITY in which the ousted Charedim are still trying to figure out where they belong.

Kolko trial: Why the Lakewood establishment is scared

Yosef Kolko

Regarding the trial - there are two factors that are being directly challenged. One is the severe intimidation by the Lakewood establishment. The letters I received about Kolko from Lakewood mentioned that their identify needed to be kept secret or else they would be ruined in Lakewood. It is not just the askanim but the rabbis who threaten all those who are different. The second issue is that this time around the victim's father has clear unambiguous halachic support for his position and is well aware of it.

At the end of the trial it will be clear that halacha has been subverted for the sake of power over the community. There is no question that Kolko will be found guilty and thus these two issues will be the point of focus.

Lakewood in general is in for some significant surprises and shocks. In contrast to the Weberman case, the victim family is highly respected and there is absolutely no question of credibility - beside the fact that Kolko has allegedly already confessed to the social worker who will be required to testify. There are also respected rabbis who will testify in support of the victim's father - against the Lakewood establishment. There are also clear halachic rulings in this case by gedolim that the Lakewood establishment does not want publicized - but which will be publicized. 

Consequently Lakewood image of being the Jews who are truest to Torah will be tarnished. Their moral authority will be severely questioned and they are scared. I don't expect you to believe any of this but just keep it in mind when the trial is over and the dust settles. There will be no attempt to deliberately besmirch Lakewood - but there will be a clear revelation of the truth. That is what they are afraid of! 

Women of the Wall Victory overturned by Attorney General

Women of the Wall report that:   Attorney General Weinstein released a statement today in which he rejects the 24.4.13 District Court decision supporting Women of the Wall's right to freedom of religion at the Western Wall. In a meeting with Rabbi Rabinowitz, Chair of the Western Wall Heritage Foundation, and Minister of Religious Services Naftali Bennet, his Vice Minister, Rabbi Ben Dahan and the states attorney, it was decided that the Attorney General will not appeal the District Court decision to the Supreme Court, though he also does not state that he accepts the ruling. His solution: to return to the 1981 addition to the law of holy places, which forbids citizens to pray in ways that are "contrary to the local custom". The term "local custom" has failed to be defined in the 22 years since passing the addendum to the law, thus the need for legal clarity. Minister Bennet has proposed that he would like to reexamine this addendum, and introduce amendments to the law.

Rav Sternbuch is upset about protest against conviction of Elior Chen & use of names of rabbis without authorization

Upon enquiring about the kol koreh that was published today, I was informed by reliable sources that this is a letter written some years ago, before the rabonim were fully aware of the gravity of the crimes committed by Chen. It was apparently reused today without their prior knowledge or permission, I was also told that Rav Sternbuch was upset to hear that the rabbonims names were being used to support this criminal.

The allegations of support were carried in a story in Kikar Shabbat.  There is at present no independent confirmation of the present support of those who supposedly signed this letter.

Rav Bakshi-Doron: Required to get transplant from person with AIDS if no alternative

For full story see Srugim

Suck Your Child's Pacifier to Cut Allergy Risk

Medpage Today   Parents who suck on their child's pacifier to clean it may be inadvertently reducing that child's risk of developing allergies, researchers found.

At age 18 months, children born to parents who said they cleaned their child's pacifier with their mouths were less likely than those born to parents who cleaned the pacifier in other ways to have asthma (odds ratio 0.12, 95% CI 0.01 to 0.99) and eczema (OR 0.37, 95% CI 0.15 to 0.91), according to Bill Hesselmar, MD, PhD, of Queen Silvia Children's Hospital in Gothenburg, Sweden, and colleagues.

At age 36 months, the association remained for eczema (HR 0.51, 95% CI 0.26 to 0.98), but not for asthma, the researchers reported online in Pediatrics.

The findings suggest that the transfer of oral microbes from the parent to the infant could be responsible for modifying the allergy risk, and indeed, the make-up of the bacteria in the infants' saliva distinguished between those with parents who did and did not suck on their child's pacifier. [...]

Yair Lapid's Fascinating 20 minutes in the Knesset, Part 2 by RaP

Guest Post by RaP The media and PR repercussions from the by-now watershed appearance by Yair Lapid in the Knesset youtube are still being discussed and analyzed. The Charedi press is portraying it as a manifestation of doom and gloom and part of the new "decrees" that Charedim are being subjected to, even though not just Charedim but many other sectors will see cuts in funding. Lapid faced a torrent of attacks from the Ashkenazi Charedi Degel HaTorah faction Knesset party members, particularly Rabbis Gafni, Porush, Litzman and Eichler who are all very skilled debaters of the OLD  SCHOOL in their own right but somehow came across as the "losers" in the face-off with Lapid because they were not ready for the ambush he laid for them: A suave TV and media personality acting in the role of "ringmaster" who deliberately unleashes an act that he knows will unfold with screaming and shouting. Lapid junior does not ooze the evident anger and hostility of the old-timer Lapid senior who came across as a vengeful old man. Lapid the younger is your typical Israeli yuppie who are tired of the Charedim making demands of the Israeli nanny state. Western countries are all broke now, and Israel is headed in the same direction willy-nilly if it does not save itself now.

What the Degel HaTorah party members, and the other Charedim who are there, do not realize is that the role of the Knesset has changed. Just like the American political conventions, it is now all about theater and not substance, and the better showman aware of the best angles and prepared with the sharpest soundbites wins. Real deals are made off-camera behind closed doors, board-room style, but PUBLIC OPINION is always up for grabs. That is how Ronald Reagan buried Jimmy Carter, even though Carter had the reputedly genius IQ while the less sharp Reagan knew how to position himself in front of the camera and came equipped with his amusing catchy quotes and was the obvious master of how and when to deliver them with the most devastating effect AS THE TV CAMERAS WERE ROLLING.

Charedim MUST wake up to the new reality of what they are up against. PR people and kiruv type "salesmen" are now needed. Let's see Rabbis like Berel Wein (a former lawyer) or Uri Zohar (a former TV star) who WITH  WIT  AND  HUMOR know how to confront and deal with hostile questions that are meant to attack Yiddishkeit.

The recent news that the Sefardi Shas party will now be headed by Aryeh Deri, re-appointed by the Sefardi gedolim, is an indication that on some level there are expectations that "the good old days" can somehow be restored and the gravy train will somehow start rolling again. That is a strategic mistake. It's a new situation now that calls for new responses and so far the Charedi parties are falling back on old credos and personas to "get things done" but as the confrontation with Lapid shows, nothing will get done beyond tantrums and throwbacks to names from the past, to somehow bring back the "good old days"! But those days are gone now. They will not be back for a very long time. As they say, "that was then, this is now"!

Charedim will have to learn to STOP asking secular people, many of them are in fact NON-Jews Halachicaly, for financial bailouts. Charedim have enough numbers in Israel and enough leadership to begin to map out a strategy of INDEPENDENCE from the Chilonim. Just as the old Yishuv prior to 1948 while still under British Mandate rule, under occupation of a vast force of British soldiers and police, had to start to figure out how they would live independently without the British -- and secular Israeli Jews will have to learn, just as the British had to learn that they could never force the Jews to bend to their will by threats of military force or government decrees or even imprisonment of the Jewish leaders.

That is why Charedim need to come up with plans to establish PR teams who understand what PUBLIC OPINION is and how to use the media and the CAMERA and not just rely on old-fashioned beis medrash style "debates between chavrusas" that are great for the milchamta shel Torah but comes across as a "barbaric" tactic when up against the super-cool Lapid, who is not even that heated up against religion, as he tells it, while the Charedim seem like they are the ones that hate everyone when they scream away in front of cameras that then broadcast it all over the net and the world.

See how Yair Lapid responds to his treatment in this article that he has published himself, it is VERY hard to refute what he has to say here:

http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/thats-just-how-it-is-in-the-knesset/2013/05/01/0/

The Jewish Press: " 'That's Just How It Is In the Knesset'

Rabbi Gafni is a complex person. Most of the time in the plenum he acts haughty, but the moment he is away from the cameras he becomes a sweet, reasonable person.

By: Yair Lapid

(Latest update: May 2nd, 2013)

Last week, a few minutes after my stormy exchange with haredi members of Knesset, I went to what we in the Knesset call the “back cafeteria.” It is not exactly a cafeteria but rather a lounge area behind the plenum where members of Knesset alone can enter.

There are couches and chairs, a smoking room, an espresso machine, and a large plasma TV that broadcasts the Knesset channel. This is the place where Knesset members can rest a little, gossip, close deals, and even develop friendships far from the public eye.

I took a coffee and sat with two fellow Yesh Atid MKs, Rena Frenkel and Yifat Kariv, who were still short of breath from the emotions that had just been unleashed in the plenum. After a minute, UTJ MK Rabbi Moshe Gafni, whom I had engaged in most of the debate, appeared next to us.

Gafni is a complex person. Most of the time in the plenum he acts haughty, attacking and shouting – a “hero of interruptions” who is equipped, as I mentioned from the podium, with a very strong pair of lungs that enable him to deafen you without a microphone.

But the moment he is away from the cameras he becomes a sweet, reasonable person whom you can come to agreements with regarding laws and committee work. In my eyes, and apparently in his as well, this is not duplicitous. When one is in the plenum, one is a representative of the public. When one is in the back cafeteria, one can be a human being.

“You are making a mistake, Rabbi Gafni,” I told him.

“Regarding what?” he asked.

“Regarding the debate.”

“Why?”

“Listen,” I said. “Tomorrow I am ascending the stage at the National Institute for National Security Studies in Tel Aviv to give my first comprehensive speech as finance minister. I am going to present the principles of the economic policies I plan to present to the government, to provide details regarding my vision for Israeli society, and to explain for the first time the reforms the finance ministry is planning to pass in the Economic Arrangement Law. ”

“So what was the mistake?” Gafni asked.

“The mistake,” I answered, “is that from every perspective it would be better for me to present this speech in the Knesset. In my view, it is more democratic and more fitting that members of Knesset be the first to hear from the finance minister regarding his financial program rather than reading about it the next day in the newspaper.”
“You are very right,” said Gafni, “so why don’t you do that?”

“Because your faction won’t let me even complete the first sentence,” I said. “We both know precisely what will happen. I will start to speak, you will begin to scream, and I won’t succeed in explaining anything. An economic plan is complex and it deserves to have a real discourse and thoughtful dialogue based on facts and realities. I need twenty-five minutes to explain the budget and I don’t think it is too much to ask MKs to listen with seriousness and without interruptions for twenty-five minutes to something that will set the course for the country’s economy.

“If you would agree to give me this opportunity, I am prepared to sit afterward for six straight hours, to listen to your side regarding every detail in the budget, to take notes, and to look into every issue with seriousness and in good faith.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” said Gafni.

“Why not?”

“Because that’s just how it is in the Knesset.”

“What kind of answer is that? If that is so, then we need to change it.”
“It won’t work.”

“But don’t you agree with me,” I insisted, “that this is how it should work? That this will bring honor to the Knesset and to ourselves?”

“It could be,” Gafni said with hesitation.

“So I want to challenge you,” I said. “Go to the members of the opposition and get them organized. Tell them the time has come to change the rules of the game and create a new discourse. We will establish a couple of hours without interruptions from the floor and I will listen to you and you will listen to me. Perhaps a dialogue will emerge that will make us better. Want to try?”

“I’ll get back to you,” Gafni said with a smile.

Of course he never got back to me, and it appears he won’t. What a shame. It could be different, and “that’s just how it is in the Knesset” is a weak excuse for us not to be able to restore the lost honor of our scarred parliament."

Abuse case that rocked Lakewood goes to trial after 6 years

Asbury Park Press    In a tight-knit community of people accustomed to handling problems among themselves, one young boy bucked the trend.

He accused a Yeshiva teacher and camp counselor of molesting him, and when a religious council of Orthodox Jews failed to take action against the man, the boy and his family went to athe Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office for help.

Because they skirted religious protocols, the boy and his family were ostracized by their community. Some in the community even embarked on a campaign to get the boy and his father to drop the criminal charges.

And, a flier was circulated in Lakewood saying the boy’s father made a “mockery” of the Torah and committed a “terrible deed” by going to the secular authorities.

But the family stood its ground. Now, six years after the alleged abuse occurred, the man accused of molesting the boy is set to go on trial in a case that likely is to be closely watched by Lakewood’s Orthodox Jewish community.

Jury selection began Wednesday for the trial of Yosef Kolko, who was working as a camp counselor at Yachad, a summer camp at the Yeshiva Bais Hatorah School on Swarthmore Avenue in Lakewood when he met the victim. Kolko also was a teacher at Yeshiva Orchos Chaim in Lakewood.

Kolko, 39, of Geffen Drive in Lakewood is accused of sexually abusing the boy between September 2007 and February 2009, when the victim was 11 and 12 years old. Kolko is charged with aggravated sexual assault, attempted aggravated sexual assault, sexual assault and child endangerment.[...]

Israeli doctors reverse stroke damage - after 20 years - with oxygen

The video described treatment done at at Assaf HaRofeh Medical Center located near Tel Aviv.

The following pages from their website should provide basic information. They say though that treatment requires referral by your doctor but they are involved in "medical tourism"


http://www.assafh.org/sites/en/Pages/default.aspx

http://www.hyperbaric-oxygen-info.com/hyperbaric-oxygen-info.html

http://www.hyperbaric-oxygen-info.com/assaf-harofeh.html

Rabbi Dr. Twerski: My Own Struggle with Low Self-Esteem

 This a related to the previous post Pandemic of low self-esteem in yeshivos

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski - My Own Struggle with Low Self-Esteem from TorahWeb.org on Vimeo.

READ TRANSCRIPT

Why most sexual abuse is not reported - in all communities

YNet   "I understand why women are afraid of complaining and want to carry on with their lives peacefully. The journey I underwent after filing a sexual harassment complaint was torture by all means" says Sigal, 48, who was sexually harassed for months by one of her managers at work.  

The Emanuel Rosen case revealed many alleged sexual harassment testimonies, but no official complaints have been filed as of yet.

According to The Association of Rape Crisis Centers in Israel, since the case's breakout, there has been a sharp increase in complaints at the centers. Experts in the field agree that the law against sexual harassment in Israel is one of the most progressive in the world, but even the liberal legislation has not changed the reality in which only a minority of those harassed have the courage to complain. How could the situation be changed and victims aided and protected? [...]

Teens today are more materialistic but less interested in work - than teens of 30 years ago

Scientific American   [...] today’s adolescents seem to want more in the way of worldly goods than did teens 30 years ago, and they don’t really want to work for it.

That’s according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. [Jean M. Twenge and Tim Kasser, Generational Changes in Materialism and Work Centrality, 1976-2007: Associations With Temporal Changes in Societal Insecurity and Materialistic Role Modeling]