Monday, May 9, 2016

Grandfather to pay child support after father fled to Uman


Israeli Supreme Court ruled that father of 'divorce refuser' who fled to Ukraine will pay 2000 shekels a month for grandchildren’s support.

The Israeli High Court (Supreme Court) authorized a ruling of the Rabbinical Court of Jerusalem on Sunday that the father of a Get (divorce) refuser who abandoned his family will have to pay child support for his grandchildren, according to a Channel 10 report.

The Get refuser fled Israel to Uman, Ukraine, and left his wife an Agunah(woman who is "chained" to her marriage) without any means to support their three children.

These unfortunate circumstances led the Rabbinical Court of Jerusalem to rule that the father of the Get refuser is to make child support payments for his three grandchildren, amounting to 2,000 shekels ($530) per month.

Likewise, the court placed a prohibition on the grandfather from leaving the country.

The grandfather appealed to the High Court claiming that the Rabbinical Court acted against the principles of natural justice, that he should not suffer because of his son’s sins, and that his fundamental rights have been violated without justification.[...]

Private schools, painful secrets - child abuse in private schools


More than 200 victims. At least 90 legal claims. At least 67 private schools in New England. This is the story of hundreds of students sexually abused by staffers, and emerging from decades of silence today.

Steven Starr reached into the back of his hallway closet and fished out the old camera, a gift nearly 50 years ago from the man he says molested him.
“It’s like a talisman or a grim reminder,’’ he said, holding the dusty Minolta Autocord in his Los Angeles apartment. Not that he could ever forget what he alleges happened to him when he was 11 at the Fessenden School.
In 1968, he was a lonely sixth-grader from Long Island when he met James Dallmann, a Harvard graduate who taught geography at the all-boys private school in West Newton and was an avid photographer.
Dallmann took Starr under his wing. He made the boy his apprentice and encouraged him to visit the teacher’s bedroom in their dorm at Moore Hall after lights out to learn how to use his makeshift darkroom. The teacher photographed Starr and delighted the boy by giving him the twin-lens Minolta.
Then one night, Starr said, Dallmann served him a mix of Tang and vodka, got him to pose naked for pictures on a bed, and performed oral sex on him. This is our secret, Dallmann told Starr, who said the abuse went on for about a year.
For nearly half a century, Starr kept his feelings of betrayal and humiliation inside, sharing his story only with therapists and a few confidants.
But now he is among a growing number of former students at New England private schools who are breaking their silence about sexual abuse by staffers. They are emboldened by a cascade of recent revelations about cases — many of them decades old — that were often ignored or covered up when first reported, and that school administrators still struggle to handle appropriately today. [...]
There is no research available on the prevalence of abuse at private schools and whether it is more common than in public schools, where one federal study found nearly 10 percent of students are targets of unwanted sexual attention by educators in grades K-12. But boarding schools, in particular, present unique opportunities for educators to have close contact with students. Students often go weeks or months without seeing their families, while spending time with staff before and after classes and living alongside them in dorms.
The schools, many with rich histories and famed alumni, have often struggled to balance the need to respond robustly to abuse allegations with a desire to guard their reputations. Historically, few allegations were reported to law enforcement, and many schools avoid publicizing them even today. Getting past the schools’ reticence is a challenge; because these are private institutions, they are exempt from public records laws. And when the Globe sent surveys to 224 private schools on their experience with sexual misconduct allegations, only 23 — about 10 percent — chose to reply. [...]

Article Details Widespread Claims of Sex Abuse at Private Schools


Since 1991, more than 200 students from at least 67 private schools across New England have accused teachers, administrators or other staff members of sexually abusing or harassing them, according to a report on Sunday by The Boston Globe’s Spotlight investigation team.

These and other allegations, going back decades, include claims of rape, fondling, molestation and oral sex by trusted adults in positions of authority, including, in one case, an admissions officer.

At least 90 lawsuits or other legal claims have been filed on behalf of the people who have made the accusations, and at least 37 school employees have been fired or forced to resign because of the allegations, the newspaper said. In addition, nearly two dozen employees eventually pleaded guilty or were convicted on criminal charges of abusing children or related crimes.

The Globe’s tally of abuse claims at New England’s private schools, many of them among the nation’s wealthiest and most prestigious institutions, appears to be one of the first efforts to quantify the extent of the problem. There is no central database of allegations against private school employees. A 2004 analysis of the scant research on sex abuse at the nation’s public schools estimated that 9.6 percent of students between kindergarten and 12th grade had experienced some form of sexual misconduct by an educator, ranging from offensive comments to rape; there is no comparable research on private schools.

The Globe said that even its report most likely underestimated the incidence of sexual abuse at these schools; because they are private, they are exempt from public records requests. The Globe sent surveys to 224 private schools about their experience with sexual misconduct allegations, but just 23 — about 10 percent — responded. The article is based on an examination of court cases and interviews with alumni, relatives, school officials and lawyers.

Still, The Globe found 11 cases in which private school employees who were accused of sexual misconduct went on to work at other schools — “an echo of the Catholic Church scandal, in which abusive priests were often moved to other parishes,” the newspaper said.

Allegations of sexual abuse have been emerging in recent years as survivors have slowly gained the confidence to tell their stories publicly after decades of grief, dysfunction and difficulties with intimacy. Many came forward after the 2011 scandal at Penn State, which has paid $92 million in settlement costs related to Jerry Sandusky, an assistant football coach who was convicted of abusing 10 boys over 15 years.

The private schools have generally been loath to acknowledge problems when their students or alumni have reported them, at least in the past. But The Globe’s report could add urgency for administrators to be more responsive and transparent in these cases as they seek to protect their students, assuage parents and satisfy alumni and donors.

“The Globe’s tally is sobering,” Peter Upham, the executive director of the Association of Boarding Schools, wrote in an email. But he added, “I don’t think it’s the quantification of the problem that moves most administrators: It’s the heartbreaking stories.” [...]

Accused pedolphile Malka Leifer's extradition is put on hold pending results of psychiatric exam


The Jerusalem District Court has ruled to suspend all legal proceedings against an alleged pedophile and ex-principal of a religious Jewish girl's school in Melbourne.
The move further delays a call for Malka Leifer's extradition to Victoria where she would face prosecution for 74 sexual abuse offences against girls at the school she headed.
Leifer failed to appear in the Jerusalem District Court for the eighth time in two years, after her legal team have persistently argued she is unfit to stand trial due to her psychiatric state.
Leifer's defence headed by Yehuda Fried has argued she suffers panic attacks and bouts of depression as each court hearing approaches.
A psychiatrist's report presented to the court in April said that she suffered a psychotic episode ahead of a scheduled hearing in April and had to be hospitalised for two days.
So far eight court hearings have gone ahead without her being present, a move many say is a delaying tactic by her defence. [...]
In a surprising move on Sunday, Leifer's defence and the prosecution both agreed that all legal proceedings should be suspended until she received medical treatment, pending a psychiatrist's report on what that treatment should be.
Ribner Cohen told the judge the state believed Leifer should be hospitalised and not treated in an outpatient capacity.
Judge Cohen called for a psychiatric recommendation on what treatment Leifer should receive.
The options were hospitalisation, outpatient treatment, or no treatment.
The district psychiatrist would deliver his recommendations by the end of May and they would be assessed in court on June 2.
Those recommendations were not binding [...]
Leifer headed Adass Israel School from 2003, until 2008 when she fled.
She was highly regarded in the community, running day-to-day operations at the school, while also teaching Jewish studies.
Members of the Adass Israel School board are under investigation by police in Victoria for helping Leifer and her family leave.
===============

הפרקליטות: חרדית שחשודה באונס לא תוסגר לאוסטרליה

מלכה לייפר, תושבת עמנואל, חשודה בביצוע עשרות עבירות אונס ומעשים מגונים בתלמידותיה במלבורן. נציגי המדינה קבעו כי היא צריכה להתאשפז ולקבל טיפול ולכן הופסקו כרגע ההליכים להסגרתה

Rav Amar's psak against the imprisonment of father to pressure son to give a Get

Kooker


פרשת מאסר אבי הסרבן: היום (ד') יתקיים דיון בערעור שהגיש תושב ארה"ב נגד ביה"ד הרבני בת"א שגזר עליו באופן תקדימי עונש מאסר בפועל בטענה כי הוא עומד מאחורי סירוב בנו המתגורר בארה"ב לתת גט לאשתו החיה עם ילדיהם בישראל.
האב, המיוצג על ידי עורכי הדין אליעד שרגא ויעל נגר, הגיש אמש תשובה הלכתית שחיבר מי שכיהן בעשור האחרון כנשיא ביה"ד הגדול, הרב שלמה משה עמאר, לשעבר הרב הראשי לישראל וכיום רב העיר ירושלים, לפיו לביה"ד אין כל סמכות לאסור אחרים מלבד בני הזוג עצמם.
בפסק ההלכה קובע הרב עמאר כי אסור לעצור הורים או אחים לשם עונש מהטעם שבתורה נכתב "לא יומתו אבות על בנים" ולביה"ד מוקנית סמכות לכל היותר לחייבם להעיד או לחקור אותם לצורך בירור.
נשיא ביה"ד לשעבר אף מציע פתרון לסוגיית עיגון האשה וכותב כי היות והבן הסרבן דורש שההליך המשפטי יתקיים בארה"ב – שם חיו בני הזוג – ניתן לדרוש מהבעל שיתחייב לפתוח תיק בבי"ד בארה"ב ובמקביל יפקיד עירבון כספי בביה"ד בישראל לטובת האשה, על מנת להבטיח את התייצבותו לדיונים בביה"ד בארה"ב.
[..]

Sunday, May 8, 2016

My philosophy for a happy life | Sam Berns TED video

First Chareidi Conference about the problems of attention and concentration

bhol

ראשי ישיבות, מגידי שיעורים, משגיחים, מנהלי ת"תים, מחנכים ומלמדים - לצד אלפי אבות שהחינוך בראש מעייניהם, השתתפו בועידה השנתית של ארגון "חיים של תורה", שהתקיימה באולמי תמיר בירושלים, ועסקה בשלושה נושאים: הגדרת הזהות האישית; קשב וריכוז והתמודדות. 

ועדת ההיגוי של הארגון ישבה על המדוכה והגיעה למסקנה שבמלחמה בדור הזה על נפש הנער, עומדים על סדר היום שלושת נושאים אלו, שהכרה בהם יכולה להביא הצלחה אדירה במלאכת החינוך. 

את הועידה הנחה הרב אהרן יהודה פרלשטיין מנהל ת"ת מחזיקי הדת בב"ב - והיא חולקה לשלושה מושבים. במושב הראשון הציג הרב חיים צבי יאקאב מנהל הת"ת הכלל חסידי באשדוד, מחקר פורץ דרך סביב הזהות האישית שלנו ושל תלמידינו באמצעות מצגת. אחריו דיבר יו"ר ארגון חיים של תורה העולמי הרה"ג רבי פנחס וינד שהציג את החלק הרוחני, החינוכי והתורני של הגדרת האישיות העצמית, כרכיב חשוב בעבודת הר"מ הפרטי. 

המושב השני נפתח עם הרצאתו של איש החינוך הרב מרדכי בארי שפתח את עולם הפרעת הקשב והריכוז, ההתמודדות עמה והטיפול בה. הרב בארי נתן דגש בעיקר על עולם הישיבות, על רקע חוסר הפעילות בתחום הקשב והריכוז בישיבות. 

בנוסף, התנהל פאנל מרתק בהנחיית הרב שלום פרסטר, מחנך בכיר ב"חיים של תורה" ומומחה בתחום החינוך הפרטני. הפאנל הציג מציאות דרמטית של ההתמודדות יחד עם חמש דמויות ממגוון עולם החינוך. 

במושב השלישי העניק המגיד הרב משה בויאר, הרצאה מרתקת.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Police investigate video of principal, boy - decide not to press any charges

update:Times of Israel

State police are investigating the incident, according to the Journal News, the local paper that first reported the incident. 
Christopher Borek, the chief assistant district attorney for Orange County, said his office had received a copy of the video but declined to say whether or not the incident is under investigation. 
“I can tell you that in general our office treats all allegations of sexual abuse of children as extremely serious,” Borek told JTA, noting that a designated unit handles such allegations. “We never comment on investigations even to confirm if the investigation is ongoing or not unless or until charges are filed.”
The following seems to be a false report based on a surveilance video which was understood by those who put it on the internet as being an example of abuse - when in fact no abuse took place. It illustrates what was mentioned in a previous report of people willing to destroy the reputation of individuals without proper investigation and concern for what actually happened.
 =======================================================

lohud

State police are investigating a video purporting to show a school principal in close physical contact with a young boy in the Orange County village of Kiryas Joel.

The video was widely circulated on the Internet Monday.

The video camera appears to have been in the ceiling of the principal's office. An 11-minute version of the video shows a man sitting down at a desk and drawing the boy to him. As the boys stands between the man's legs, the man appears to stroke the boy's face and kiss him several times, shaking him occasionally and pulling him closer. Both remain clothed.

An administrator at the ultra Orthodox Jewish school, United Talmudical Academy, could not be reached. A call to the principal was not returned.

“We have received the video. We have looked at it,” Major Joseph Tripodo, commander of New York State Police Troop F in Middletown said. Tripodo said state police investigators have been looking into the matter along with the District Attorney’s Office and the Orange County Child Abuse Unit. He said it was premature to say whether a crime was committed.

He said police had the video before it began circulating on the Internet Monday but he would not say how long ago they began their investigation. He declined to discuss details of the tape or whether the principal has been questioned. He said “it hasn’t been determined” what exactly is happening in the video but that police are trying to have it enhanced as part of the investigation. [...]

Forward    reports having read the above article

============================
kikar haShabbat

הרשת סוערת: האם המלמד מתעלל בילד?

ברשתות החברתיות מופץ סרטון מזעזע בו נראה אדם בעל תפקיד חינוכי בחיידר בארה"ב מתעלל בילד. לפי חלק מהטענות, התיק נסגר לאחר שהתברר לחוקרים כי לא מדובר בהתעללות בילד (חדשות)

בשנים האחרונות הולכת וגוברת המודעות בציבור החרדי לטיפול אמיתי בתופעות חמורות של התעללות בילדים אם במקומות העבודה או הלימודים ואם בתוך הבית במסגרת המשפחתית, השם ירחם, וגם רבני הקהילות מורים לטפל בעניין במלוא הרצינות והחומרה זאת על מנת שחלילה תופעות שכאלו לא ישנו ויעקרו מתוך המחנה.

לעיתים הרבנים מורים להתייעץ עם העסקנים המוסמכים המפנים ליועצים חינוכיים ,פסיכולוגים או עובדים סוציאלים ולעיתים כשהדבר לובש חשש של היבט פלילי מערבים אף את רשויות החוק וחוקרי המשטרה הכל מתוך רגישות מירבית במטרה להביא לתועלת.

בימים אלו מופץ ברשתות החברתיות סרטון מזעזע, שכפי הנראה צולם כבר לפני כשנה, בו נראה אדם בעל תפקיד חינוכי בחיידר מוכר בארה"ב כשהוא מתעלל לכאורה בתלמיד ילד בגילאי 6-8.

הסרטון גרם לזעזוע ותחושות של חלחלה בקרב רבים שטענו כי יש למצוא את האשמים ולהעמיד אותם על עונשם.
 [...]
לדברי גורמים המכירים את המקרה, התובע בניו יורק שחקר ובדק את המקרה, ושמע את גרסת הילד, ההורים והמלמד, סגר את התיק מאחר ובדיקתו העלתה כי מדובר במחנך מזה 45 שנה שמעולם לא הוגשה נגדו תלונה וכי התברר כי מדובר בהתמסרות לתלמיד בלבד

Acharei Mos; Are We Not Concerned About Animal Blood? by Rabbi Shlomo Pollak

The Torah instructs us to cover the blood of a bird or WILD animal, that we slaughtered. We call that, the Mitzvah of "Kisoi HaDam". The Torah elaborates, in the next "Posuck", why we must not leave the blood uncovered...כִּי-נֶפֶשׁ כָּל-בָּשָׂר, דָּמוֹ בְנַפְשׁוֹ הוּא.

However, the Torah does not tell us to do Kisoi HaDam on the blood of domesticated animals (cow, sheep, or goat). In fact, the Halachah is that there is no Mitzvah of Kisoi HaDam on animals....

But, Why not?!.....כִּי-נֶפֶשׁ כָּל-בָּשָׂר, דָּמוֹ בְנַפְשׁוֹ הוּא.. 

We first must explain, the reason the Torah is giving us for this unique Mitzvah, and then we can try to understand why it doesn't apply for domesticated animals as well.....

For questions and comments please email us at salmahshleima@gmail.com


Conversion program for children?

http://giyur.org.il/אודות/http://giyur.org.il/אודות/


The Origins of the Non-Jewish Custom Of ‘Shlissel Challah’ (Key Bread) “The Loaf of Idolatry?”

update: Rabbi Yair Hoffman who is critical of the following article

http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/04/schlissel-challah-analysis-by-rabbi.html

Shlissel     By Shelomo Alfassa


Introduction
Every year Jewish women, young and old, partake in an Ashkenazi[1] custom to place a key (such as a door key to a home), inside the dough of a loaf of bread that they bake.[2] This custom is known as shlissel challahshlissel from the German language shlüssel (key) and challah or hallah from the Hebrew for bread.[3] While a metal key is often baked within the bread, some form the bread itself into the shape of a key or even arrange sesame seeds on top in the form of a key.[4] Often times, these women gather in celebratory groups with the common belief that baking the shlissel challah will bring blessing into their homes, and specifically, the blessing of increased fiscal livelihood. There is also a seemingly new ‘custom’ of baking shlissel challah in the “merit” of a sick person, as a way of helping them recover from physical disease or trauma.[5] A poll on the popular Orthodox Jewish website imamother.com asked participants: “How do you make your schlissel [sic] challah?”[6] The 88 respondants reported: In the shape of a key 13% [12]; With a key baked in it 61% [54]; Neither, I don't do this 17% [15]; Other 7% [7].


Non-Jewish Origins
The baking of a key inside a bread is a non-Jewish custom which has its foundation in Christian, and possibly even earlier, pagan culture. At least one old Irish source tells how at times when a town was under attack, the men said, “let our women-folk be instructed in the art of baking cakes containing keys.”[7]

Keys were traditionally manufactured in the form of a cross, the traditional symbol of Christianity,[8] a physical item all Christian commoners would posses in their home.[9]On Easter, the Christian holiday which celebrates the idea of Jesus ‘rising’ from the dead, they would bake the symbol of Jesus—the key shaped like a cross—into or onto a rising loaf.[10] This was not only a religious gesture, but the bread was a special holiday treat. Sometimes these breads were wholly formed in the shape of a cross; other times the shape of a cross was made out of dough and applied on top. In the context of historically baking a key into bread—the key itself, intrinsically, was a symbol of Christianity and by extension symbolized Jesus ‘rising’ in the dough.[11]


Connection to Passover
The modern Jewish custom of baking the symbolic shlissel challah, annually takes place on the shabbat immediately following the holiday of Pessah, when tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of religiously observant Jewish women[12] practice this observance.

In Christianity, baked goods associated with keys are commonly called ‘Easter breads,’[13] and in Europe they are also known as ‘Paschals,’[14] as the holiday of Easter in the East is known as ‘Pascha’ or ‘Pascua.’ This is most likely the reason Christians often call Easter breads baked with keys Paschals.[15] Before the Romans destroyed theBeit HaMikdash (the holy Temple) in Jerusalem, the focus of the Passover holiday for the Jewish people was the Korban Pessah (lit. Pessah sacrifice, also known as thePaschal Lamb[16]). Within Christianity, Jesus is known as the ‘Paschal Lamb.’


Geographic Origins
Professor Marvin Herzog, a world renowned Yiddish linguist at Columbia University tells that dough twisted in the form of a key (among other shapes such as a ladder) were found to top challah loafs in Poland, “…the distribution of some of these things was a regional matter.”[17] As an example of the regionality, Prof. Herzog created a map demonstrating where dough was shaped as a ladder and placed on challah, and how it was specific only to certain communities and was not universal. Insomuch as a ladder motif was regional, it can be conjectured that the use of a key or key motif could have evolved the same way. Both a ladder and a key are symbolic as tools that could metaphysically help one attain heaven, as they both help ‘gain access.’


Lack of Sources
While the custom is said to be mentioned in the writings of Avraham Yehoshua Heshel (the “Apter Rav” 1748-1825) and in the Ta’amei ha-Minhagim (1891), there is no one clear source for shlissel challah. And while people will say there is a passuq attributed to it, there is not. And, even if there were, a passuq that can be linked to the practice is not the same as a source. Micha Berger, founder of the AishDas Society, [orthodox] calls this type of logic ‘reverse engineering,’ it’s like drawing a circle around an arrow in a tree, and subsequently declaring the arrow is a bullseye.[18] The idea of baking shlissel challah is not from the Torah; it’s not in the Tannaitic, Amoraitic, Savoraitic, Gaonic or Rishonic literature. Rabbi Shlomo Aviner of Israel’s Yeshivat Ateret Yerushalayim said that while baking challah with a key in it is not forbidden, “there is no meaning in doing so.”[19] Rabbi Moshe Ben-Chaim[20] of Mesora.Org [orthodox] teaches that:

The Torah teaches that Hashem punishes the wicked, and rewards the righteous. It does not say that challah baking or any other activity will help address our needs…When the matriarchs were barren, they did not resort to segulas, but introspected and prayed…Nothing in Torah supports this concept of segula; Torah sources reject the idea of a segula…baking challas with brachos cannot help…segulas are useless, and violate the Torah prohibition of Nichush [good luck charms]. It does not matter if the charm is a rabbit’s foot, a horseshoe, a challah, key or a red bendel. The practice assumes that forces exist, which do not, and it is idolatrous.[21]

Rabbi Reuven Mann, Principal of Yeshiva B'nei Torah in Far Rockaway, New York [orthodox] says one should ask themselves: “What connection is there between putting a key in the dough of a challah (schlissel challah) and the improvement of my material situation (parnasa)?”[22] He says:

The dangers of deviation are very great. For by inventing new practices not prescribed by Torah one, in fact, implicitly denies the Torah. He is in effect saying that the Torah is not perfect, for it does not work in my case, and there are other man made practices out there which will work for me. In effect this is a negation of Torah and constitutes a form of idolatry, heaven forbid….[this] indicates that a person has lost faith in the authentic prescriptions of Torah. By performing these “unauthorized actions” one is implicitly affirming that there are other “forces” out there besides God which will respond to the needs of the performer of these ritualistic practices. This constitutes a form of “Avodah Zorah.” [...]

Thursday, May 5, 2016

PROGRAMS HELP LIBERATE ‘CHAINED’ ORTHODOX JEWISH WOMEN



Last December, Mendel Epstein, an Orthodox Jewish rabbi in Brooklyn, was convicted of conspiring to kidnap and torture men who had refused to give their wives a Jewish divorce, known as a “get.” The case – which was investigated by the FBI and resulted in a 10-year prison sentence for Epstein – generated sensational tabloid and national media coverage. (The Daily News nicknamed Epstein “The Prodfather,” for his alleged use of a cattle prod to coerce husbands to provide a divorce.)

But lost amid the macabre details of the Epstein case was a much more widespread problem that persists in the tight-knit Orthodox communities in Williamsburg, Crown Heights, Borough Park and Flatbush: Many Orthodox Jewish women seeking to escape abusive or defunct marriages face a system that is stacked against them, sometimes trapping them as “chained women” for years on end. And as such cases have become increasingly prevalent, advocates, social services agencies and lawyers have teamed up in an effort to provide women with the resources and representation that they need.
At the core of the Jewish divorce system is the get, a divorce document that can only be provided by a husband to his wife in a Jewish court, a forum which arbitrates matrimony matters under religious law. In the case that a husband continually refuses to grant the get, despite his marriage being defunct, his wife is said to be “agunah,” or chained to him, unable to pursue remarriage or bear legitimate children within the Orthodox Jewish community.

While many Jewish scholars say that a get should never be refused once a marriage is functionally over, advocates say that, in many cases, husbands will use the get as a way to gain the upper hand in a divorce.

“Husbands will refuse the get and use it as a form of blackmail to extort concessions,” said Orly Kusher, staff attorney at Sanctuary for Families’ Orthodox Jewish Matrimonial Project, which recently launched due to an influx of get refusal cases. “They’ll say, ‘I won’t give you the Jewish divorce unless you give me custody of the kids, or a large sum of money – give me $30,000 and then I’ll give you the get.’ Our view here at Sanctuary – and why it ties in with our work with domestic violence victims – is that we see the refusal to give a get, in and of itself, as a form of abuse.”

According to social service workers, fear over the refusal of the get is just one of a host of conditions that can lead Orthodox women to stay in abusive relationships.

“The idea of ‘shalom bayit,’ or peace in the home, is a central tenet of Jewish marriage,” said Shoshannah Frydman, director of family violence services at the Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty. “Women are socialized to be mothers and homemakers, so speaking up about an abusive relationship can be seen within the community as a personal failing to uphold that peace.”

Due to the stigma attached to divorce and domestic abuse issues, Frydman says that many women fear that escaping an abusive relationship will hurt their children’s chances of finding a suitable partner during the “shidduch,” or matchmaking process that arranges marriages within the community.

“Some women will only contact us about abuse when their last child gets married off,” Frydman said. “One of our clients has two daughters who are in their 20s and are unmarried. They are begging their mother to stay in her marriage because they are afraid it will hurt their chances. But they understand why she wants to leave.”

Frydman also says that Orthodox women feel incredible societal and religious pressure to keep their families intact.

“Who will say kiddush (a Jewish prayer) over the wine? That’s seen as a male role,” Frydman said. “What is it like to have a Passover seder without a family? And then there are the very harsh financial realities: kosher food costs more; entering the workforce and supporting themselves and their children apart from their husbands is often extremely challenging, especially because these are often large families.”

Given these forces, Kusher says that it is important for women to have legal support early on in the matrimony process, which gives them the strongest chance of navigating the system successfully. In response to this need, the Orthodox Jewish Matrimony Project, which Kusher heads, provides representation for Orthodox women in divorce, custody, visitation and child support hearings in both civil and Jewish courts, as well as connects clients to in-house counseling, shelter and job training services.

“Ideally, we want to have the client to come to us before she’s already been refused a get,” Kusher said. “Let’s say she’s just thinking of getting a divorce. She’s in an abusive situation. Hopefully we can contact that client early, because if we are representing her from the beginning, we can give her the best advice and counsel for her case, as opposed to if she already tried to go to a certain Jewish court and maybe things already happened in that court and she’s bound to a certain forum, we would still advocate for her, but we can’t necessarily undo things that have already been done.”

Rabbi Shlomo Weissmann, who presides over matrimony proceedings at the Beth Din of America, a forum favored by advocates due to its more sympathetic treatment of women than other, more conservative Jewish courts, says that it’s important for women to be guided through the process by experts.[...]