Divorce in Israel: Problem of agunah from spiteful husbands

LA Times   After four years of marriage, Tamar Tessler filed for divorce, taking her infant daughter and embarking on what she hoped would be a new chapter of her life.

Today that daughter is 36 years old — and Tessler is still awaiting the divorce.

Her husband long ago moved to America, said the 61-year-old retired nurse. But under Israeli law, she remains trapped in a defunct marriage that her husband won't allow to end. She can't legally remarry, was obligated as his spouse to repay some of his debts, and lost out on tax breaks for single mothers even though she raised their daughter alone.

Tessler is one of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of Israeli women caught in legal and social limbo because of a law that leaves matters of divorce for all Jewish citizens in the hands of a government-funded religious court.

The court, consisting of a panel of rabbis, bases its decisions on the customs of Orthodox Judaism. The rulings apply to all Jewish Israelis, whether they are Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, observant or secular. And their authority even extends to those who married abroad in civil ceremonies that were registered in Israel. Divorce for non-Jews is handled by their own religious institutions.

Under the court's interpretation of Jewish religious law, a husband's, or wife's, consent is necessary to end a marriage. As has been the case for centuries, a Jewish divorce is not final in Israel until men deliver handwritten divorce decrees into the cupped hands of the women, who then must hold the paper aloft. A rabbi tears the document, called a get, into pieces, which are then filed for record-keeping.

The rabbis can order a reluctant spouse, usually a man, to grant the divorce, and Israel's parliament is considering a bill to expand the court's power to apply pressure. But if a spouse refuses to undertake the religious rite, the court says, it doesn't have the power to dissolve the marriage.

Rabbis have upheld the need for consent even in cases where a man has abused his wife, disappeared, lied about his sexuality or molested their children. [...]

Baal Keri on Yom Kippur - sign of righteousness?

The following is a puzzling gemora regarding Yom Kippur and determining personal righteousness. I have added Rashi, Mishna Berura and Magen Avraham - and I still find it difficult. There is also a Levush on this gemora which I am working on. This gemora is clearly meant to be understood and clarify important issues of Yom Kippur, righteous and sexuality. It parallels BM 83b where R' Eliezer ben R' Shimon cut out fat from his body to determine if whether he made the right decision to become police chief for the Romans [which is the source that  secular mandated reporting law must be obeyed.]

Yoma (88a): A tanna recited befor R' Nachman, "One who experiences a seminal emission [inadvertently – Rashi] on the day  of Yom Kippur, all his sins will be forgiven." But is that true since a braissa states, "All his sins are arranged before him?" What does this expression "arranged before him mean?" [It doesn't mean in order that he will be punished] but rather so that he will be forgiven. In the School of R' Yishmael it was taught, One who experiences a seminal emission on the  day of Yom Kippur should worry the entire year [that he will be punished]. However if he survives the year, he is assured that he is deserving of the World to Come. R' Nachman bar Yitzchok explained [why it is a sign of blessing]. The entire world is being deprived and yet he experiences satiation. When R' Dimi came he said, he will have a long live, thrive and have many children.(Yoma 88a): If he has a seminal emission – inadvertently. All his sins are forgiven - it is a favorable sign that indicates he will have many children and long life. He should worry the entire year -  that the emission is a sign that his fast is not accepted since he is experiencing satiation. This is like a servant who pours a cup for his master who throws it in his face. However if he survives the year and doesn't die – then he possesses good deeds that are protecting him and thus he is deserving of the World to Come. Because you should know that the entire world is deprived of sexual relations while he is sexually satisfied and is not sexual deprived though not through his intent. Nevertheless if he survives the year that shows that he is completely righteous (tzadik gamur). His life is magnified – the one who has the emission on Yom Kippur is  deserving of long life. He will multiply and become many – he will have children and grandchildren. As is alluded to in Yeshaya (53:10), you will see seed (seminal emission or children) and long life.

Mishna Berura(651.3): If he has a seminal emission he should worry the whole year [for punishment]. Because perhaps his fasting was not accepted because G‑d is showing him that He doesn't desire his sexual abstention. Look at the Achronim who write that concern for punishment is only if the seminal emission was not because of excessive eating or drinking or sexual fantasy etc. However if it is known that it resulted from sexual fantasy or other causes – even though this is a great sin – nevertheless he does not have to worry that he might be be punished with death. That is because he himself has caused the seminal emission to happen and the fact that he survived the year doesn't carry the assurance that he will get the World to Come. It is mentioned in seforim that the principle way to atone for failing to stop seminal emission is that he should strengthen himself - from that point on for the rest of his life – in Torah study. The merit of Torah will protect him. This is mentioned in Tanchuma. "If a man sinned and he deserves death at the hand of heaven – what should he do so that he continue living? If he typically learned one chapter, he should now learn two chapters. If he typically learned one page of gemora he should learn two pages. [ The medrash says that if he doesn't know how to learn he should at least give charity and do kindness – and this will allow him to live....  ] The basic reason for Torah study is in order to know what to do. Therefore our Sages say that f a person learns and he doesn't fulfill  his halachic obligations then it is better that he was never created. In addition his failure to observe the mitzvos means that the Torah study will not be able to protect him from punishment - chas v'shalom

Mishna Berura(615:4): If he survives the whole he is assured that he will get the World to Come – Because surely he has many merits that protect him from harm and he will have long life as it says in Yeshaya (53:10)... It is therefore appropriate for him to give praise and thanks that he has been given life from Heaven [Korban Nesanel 77. See also what he says in the name of the Arizal.]

Magen Avraham(6:15:3): If he survives the whole years he is assured that he will get the World to Come. His survival for a year after a seminal emission on Yom Kippur indicates that he apparently is a tzadik and therefore did not need to afflict himself on Yom Kippur.

Compromise allows Eida leader to climb down from absurd confrontation with Rav Sternbuch

JPost   The two leaders of warring factions within the radical ultra-Orthodox Eda Haredit communal movement have agreed on a compromise which will allow construction work at a building site in Beit Shemesh to continue unhindered.

Rabbi Yitzhak Tuviah Weiss, the head of the Eda, and Rabbi Moshe Shternboch, the second in the leadership structure, have agreed that a new inspector will be appointed who will be responsible for overseeing any concerns regarding graves at the site.

A bitter and at times violent confrontation which has lasted for more than two years arose around the Goloventzitz residential project, due to the objections of the Atra Kadisha organization, tied to Weiss, which protests and campaigns against construction which could damage Jewish graves. [...]

Under the terms of the agreement, the inspector, Rabbi Eliyahu Rosen – a rabbinical judge from the rabbinical court of senior haredi leader Rabbi Nissim Karelitz – will oversee the opening and inspection of any caves or pits at the site by a team of experts to check if any graves are within them, and if so, to check if they are Jewish graves or not. [...]

Teacher gets 30 days in jail for raping 14 year old student

LA Times       A Montana judge has come under fire after handing down a 30-day sentence to a former high school teacher convicted of raping a 14-year-old student and for making statements in court that the victim was "older than her chronological age" and "as much in control of the situation" as her teacher.

Outrage is particularly sharp in Billings, where the crime took place, because the girl committed suicide in 2010, just shy of her 17th birthday, as the criminal case was pending. A protest was planned for Thursday, and organizers have called on Montana District Judge G. Todd Baugh to resign.

The uproar began Monday when Baugh sentenced Stacey Dean Rambold, 54, to 15 years in prison on one count of sexual intercourse without consent, but then suspended all but 31 days and gave him credit for one day served. Prosecutors had asked for 20 years in prison, with 10 years suspended.

Baugh said that after reviewing statements made by the girl before her death, he concluded that she was a troubled youth. He then made the controversial remarks, including that he thought the girl had been "as much in control of the situation" as Rambold. The girl's mother, Auliea Hanlon, was in the courtroom and screamed at the judge before storming out, according to the Associated Press.

Sexual abuse in New Square Special Report from TV News 12

Westchester News 12   NEW SQUARE - A shroud of secrecy surrounds the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community of New Square. Many of the residents shun the outside world and keep to themselves. 

However, a sex abuse victim from the community has spoken exclusively to News 12.

Yossi, who prefers to use only his first name, says he wants to speak out about his ordeal in the hope that other victims of abuse will come forward.

Yossi claims that Herschel Taubenfeld, a teacher in his community, inappropriately touched him three times a week for four months.

The teen asked for help from the head rabbis of New Square who had just set up their own sex crimes unit called the VAAD. The agency told him to see a therapist.

Two months later, Yossi reported the abuse to the Ramapo police. He says that his friends stopped talking to him and treated him like he didn't exist.

Kosher Get Deposited but rejected by NY State Judge

For illustration only

Guest post: The following was sent to me anonymously:

A NY Judge has rejected a Get deposited in a valid Bais Din as fulfilling the requirements of the NY Get Law on the grounds that the Bais Din insisted that the Get only be given over in accordance with Halochoh to ensure the validity of the Get. The Bais Din ordered the female Plaintiff to be tzias dina and leave arko’oys in order to receive the get as required by Shulchan Oruch. The Plaintiff refused.

The judge claimed that since the Get was not unconditional, it was not a valid Get and ordered that a “Glatt Kosher” Get be issued. Thus is despite the fact that “Glatt” only applies to “shechted” meat, and refers to the smoothness of the lungs.

The Plaintiff’s lawyer insisted in forcing the Defendant to go to one of the many “hired gun” mercenary type, for profit, purported “botei din” in the NY area (the Bobover) in order to consider settling the case which the Plaintiff has deliberately dragged on for many years in order to destroy the Defendant financially as well as prevent him proper access to his children.

The Judge furthermore warned the Defendant through his lawyer “off the record” (so that there would be no proof of the threats in advance of any trial and any due process occurring) that if the matter did go to trial if another Get was not issued, the judge would see to it that the Defendant’s visitation would be reduced but reasons totally unrelated to the Get would be created in order to reduce likelihood of this being overturned on appeal. The Defendant would have to pay additional money as maintenance to the Plaintiff since he was preventing the remarriage of the Plaintiff.

For fear of retribution, the parties involved shall remain anonymous.

1. Is this not against the constitution in terms of separation of church and state?

2. Is this not Stalinist behavior in terms of punishing someone even before the case and the 

3. Defendant’s arguments have been heard? Is the Defendant not at least entitled to a fair trial

4. Do not Rav Elyashiv zt”l, Rav Menashe Klein, Rav Moshe Sternbuch and even the Aguda and every other posek with some inkling of yiras shomayim hold that this will produce an invalid get me’useh?

=======================

Update [8/26/2013 D.T.] Here are some quotes from Rabbi Chaim Malinowitz' critique of the New York State Get Bill from JLaw   Update 8/27/13 Rabbi Michael Broyde's response

In the view of this writer, the problems with the New York State Get Bill are so many and varied, that the wonder is not the opposition it has met, but rather that it has any support whatsoever. Many contend that the Jewish community is immeasurably better off without the bill than with it since, as we shall see, the bill represents a dangerous time-bomb to the validity of many Gittin. Hence, ultimately, it endangers the sanctity of the Jewish family. In addition, ironically, the bill may actually be counterproductive. The halachic process, which, under most circumstances solves Igun problems when followed through, is undercut by "solutions" such as these. By encouraging people to avoid a Bet Din and avoid having to justify their demands by the standards of halacha, it only helps frustrate Rabbanim and Rabbinic Judges who seek halachic solutions. It teaches litigants to ignore the Bet Din process and rulings and, indeed, to second-guess them. The overwhelming majority of Igun cases, after all, are solved -- by rabbinic leadership along with community pressure. If the public is taught by well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning activists that the halachic route is to be avoided and ignored, then although there may be a few agunot helped by (one hopes) valid Gittin, there will be many many more who find their problems compounded. 

Apart from the bill's flaws with respect to the validity of Gittin, there are three other anti-halachic effects. In the opinion of this writer, these effects are so manifest, so incontrovertible, that it is mystifying that any Orthodox Rabbi, much less any rabbinic institution, can be in favor of it. 

 I. The first basic flaw in the Get Bill is that it is intended to aid in procuring a Get -- even if there is no reason according to Jewish law to assume a Get to be appropriate.[...] 

 II. Furthermore, resorting to the secular courts to resolve disputes is strictly forbidden in Jewish Law.14 This transgression is described by the Shulchan Aruch as akin to blasphemy and "taking up arms" against the Torah.15 The Rashba16 warns against confusing this prohibition with the dictum Dina D'malchuta Dina ("the law of the land is law").17 Even if both parties agree to go, and in fact stipulate in writing that they will utilize the civil court system, it remams forbidden by halacha.18[...] 

III. As we have noted, the prohibition of resorting to the secular courts holds true even if every court action happens to follow all the rules of the Shulchan Aruch. If there are any differences, the additional issue of out-and-out theft arises, if the courts award money or privileges to either party.21 (Even in circumstances where one had received permission from a Bet Din to "use the courts" one is prohibited from keeing any monies he is not entitled to according to halacha.) The Get Bill encourages a woman to use the civil courts to set rates of maintenance and "equitable distribution despite the fact that she might not be entitled to that money according to Jewish law. [...]

Conservative & Reform Jews find High Holidays boring

Tablet Magazine   High Holiday services are a slog. OK, not at every synagogue, not all the time, not for everybody. But it’s true widely and often enough that most of you are nodding to yourselves. Granted, services aren’t meant to entertain us every minute. But which of the 613 commandments prescribe boredom? [...]

The rabbis themselves bear much of the responsibility. Year after unchanging year, they guide their flocks through the long hours of often-stilted liturgy without explaining what’s being recited, how it’s relevant, or where a segment begins or ends. Congregants turn page after page, parroting passages aloud as instructed, sitting and standing (and standing … and standing)—with few people knowing why. One chant runs into the next, often sung by a polished-but-formal choir whose high-church timbre can be distancing. Many in the pews eagerly await the rabbi’s sermon because it’s likely the one respite from predictability. Yes, some people feel moved at moments, but for what proportion of the 15-to-18-hour marathon? Indeed, one prominent rabbi told me he wouldn’t attend his own services if he weren’t running them; another told me he brings a good novel. [...]

On the High Holidays, large numbers of American Reform and Conservative Jews are inert spectators, expecting clergy to sprinkle atonement like fairy dust. Except for those raised with rigorous Jewish instruction (the Orthodox clearly operate in a separate sphere, often immersed from the womb in text), most of us have never taken the time to study the mahzor, nor could we explain the holidays’ origins. How many Jews do you know who could explain, for instance, how the shofar relates to the Binding of Isaac? Or how Yom Kippur connects directly to Mount Sinai? Some think it’s too late to learn, some can’t imagine how they’d find a teacher, many simply don’t rate it important enough to pursue. Most seem to rationalize the minimal investment, saying, “I bought my ticket, went to shul, confessed my mistakes, and vowed to do better. Dayenu.” [...]

Iron Dome has curbed Palestinian terror attacks

Time Magazine

No tour of Middle East conflict zones could be complete without a stop at Sderot, an Israeli town of 24,000 that stands uncomfortably close to the Gaza Strip. The rain of rockets out of the Palestinian enclave has made Sderot famous for two things: the thickness of its roofs (even bus stops have reinforced concrete tops); and the collection of crumpled missiles arrayed in racks behind the police station. As a visiting VIP in 2008, U.S. Senator Barack Obama dutifully inspected what the machine shops of Islamic Jihad and Hamas fashioned from lengths of pipe and scrap metal. Low-tech doesn’t begin to cover it. [...]

Back to the Beersheba wedding. The revelry appears to carry on oblivious to the wail of air-raid sirens competing with the DJ (that song in the background is “Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5). If Israelis no longer scramble to shelters, then Iron Dome really has changed the dynamic. It’s not yet at that point; schools still close when the rockets fly, and parents stay home from work. But Rafael’s head of research and development, who began work on Iron Dome even before the government thought to ask for it, tells TIME that its overarching accomplishment is that it can break the pernicious cycle of escalation that can lead to things like invasions. The batteries can liberate Israel’s elected leaders from the public pressure that comes with mass casualties. “The big success of Iron Dome is not how many missiles we intercept,” says Roni Potasman, the executive vice president for R&D. “The main success is what happened in the decisionmaking civilian population environment. The quiet time. Clausewitz used to say the mission of the military is to provide the time for the decisionmakers to decide. Now, if out of 500 missiles, 10 of them get by and cause casualties, a school or kindergarten, then this is a whole different story.” [...]

MK Dov Lipman interviewed by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

Five Towns Jewish Times   Recently, MK Dov Lipman gave an interview with Arutz Sheva after a “peace talk meeting” sponsored by the Geneva Initiative. He said that some of the Arabs he had spoken to who had themselves served time in Israeli jails. They said that they had had conversations with their jailers and grew to better understand the Israeli side. “I am not saying that they turned into saints, but something happened to them.” MK Lipman agreed to answer further questions about his thoughts for the Five Towns Jewish Times with Rabbi Yair Hoffman.

YH: The first question is: Did the interview you gave Arutz Sheva truly reflect your thinking here that you think most of the prisoners did change significantly by their incarceration? Do you really think that there is a sort of charata here? What percentage roughly do you think are really changed? Most of us believe, au contraire, that they become more entrenched in their thinking and justify even further what they have done. This is particularly the case when they are given a hero’s welcome..

DL: I never said most of the prisoners change I said there are prisoners who change. It is not a question of charata – they now understand our side better and truly seek peace. What people who have not sat with former prisoners believe is irrelevant to me. I also thought so until I met them and spent three days with them. People who have not met them can think what they want but it is based on speculation and not based on facts on the ground.

YH:Speaking with people who have innocent blood on their hands and are not remorseful about it but profess a desire for genuine peace – shouldn’t this be a non-starter? The current Germany was built by dealing with non-Nazis such as Adenauer and the like – not non-repentant Nazis.. If you are not remorseful about the idea of killing innocents, how can we be partners in peace? Isn’t it just, at best, a temporary solution – and, therefore not in Israel’s best interests? [...]

Yeshiva University: Official abuse report released

Y.U.      Abuse Report of Sullivan and Cromwell

Dear Members of the Yeshiva University Community,

Last December, in response to reports of past abuse at Yeshiva University High School for Boys, the Yeshiva University Board of Trustees retained the law firm of Sullivan and Cromwell LLP to conduct a full and independent investigation of the allegations as well as to review current policies and procedures. Sullivan and Cromwell, in turn, engaged T and M Protection Resources to provide specialized knowledge and expertise with respect to allegations of abuse and abuse prevention. ....
 ================================== 
Report Findings:

"While it was the intention of the Board of Trustees to have made public a report which would have set forth the specific details of the extensive interviews conducted and documents reviewed by the Investigative Team, as a result of the Pending Litigation, the Investigative Team has been directed by the Special Committee to describe its findings with respect to sexual and physical abuse in summary fashion.The Investigative Team has concluded that multiple incidents of varying types of sexual and physical abuse took place at YUHSB during the relevant time period. This conduct was carried out by a number of individuals in positions of authority at the High Schools at various times throughout the period covered by the Investigation, including, in certain instances,after members of the administration had been made aware of such conduct. In addition, the Investigative Team found that, during the relevant time period, sexual and physical abuse took  place at other schools comprising the University as well. ..."

Man initiates adultery because of egotism

This discussion of adultery is presented before Rosh HaShanna as a way of understanding the nature of sin and consequently how to do teshuva. Adultery is used as a metaphor for the Jewish people betraying G-d - either because of failure to submit to G-d's will or because of lust for other things. Adultery is explained differently for men and women. Women seduce a man primarily because of sexual or emotional needs. This is described in great detail in Mishlei (5:1–19), Mishlei(6:24–35) , and Mishlei(7:5–27).  

This Kli Yakar explains that men in contrast, initiate an adulterous relationship from egotism - to have that which another man has exclusive rights. This is also the contemporary explanation for rape i.e., that it is an issue of power - not lust. The following is a cogent explanation of a puzzling assertion (Sanhedrin 110a), that Moshe was widely believed to have commited or was interested in committing adultery.

=================

Kli Yakar (Bamidbar 16:4): And Moshe heard and fell on his face – Sanhedrin (110a), “What rumor did he hear? This teaches that he was suspected of adultery as it says in Tehilim (106:15), Everyone was jealous of Moshe in the camp. That means that everyone warned his wife because of Moshe [and that is why Moshe moved his tent outside the camp].” This is very far from being indelible. We can’t learn this from Tradition because who said that this suspicion was exactly at this time - because the verse itself implies no such thing. Therefore I claim that the author of the Agada wanted to explain the verse, “That all the community were holy and therefore why are you elevating yourself above on the community of G‑d.”  He was bothered by the question of what is the relationship between “holiness” mentioned at the beginning of the verse and the “elevation” mentioned at the end. And if you want to say that there is a relationship between them and that the holiness means it is correct to stop the elevation – then Korach should have simply asked, "Why are you elevating yourself above the holy community?" Obviously Korach was speaking to Moshe in a manner similar to Sotah (4b), "Whoever is conceited will eventually commit adultery" or alternatively (Sotah 4b), "Whoever is conceited is as if he violated all prohibited sexual relations." As is known that wherever you find holiness (kedusha) you will also find protection against sexual sins because sexual sins degrade holiness. This is what Korach said from on his own recognition (sevara), "All of the community is holy and they are protected against sexual sins so therefore why are you elevating yourself and lording it over everyone? Such behavior will cause you to stumble concerning adultery and that will bring about the profaning of the holiness of the people." That is why Korach referred to "the community of G-d" at the end rather than "the holy community" since Korach thought that Moshe had unjustly elevated himself therefore there was no holiness. That is because whoever is egotistical will in the end be involved in adultery and this causes a profanation of the holiness of the people. Moshe realized that Korach suspected him of adultery and that is why the Torah says, "And Moshe clearly understood what Korach meant and that is why the Torah said, "And he fell on his face." The underlying reason for the relationship of egotism and adultery that whoever is egotistical is continually checking all types of authority that he sees others have – with the desire to ultimately have everything under his control and authority. He is relentless in his looking into all types of authority until he eventually looks into the exclusive authority that a man has over his wife. The egotistical person wants to have control of this authority also. That is why it says "that in the end" because in truth it is at the end of the process of checking authority and the final barrier for everyone. This is a very valuable explanation that fits well with the language not only in this parsha but also the language of the gemora.
 Update
Bamidbar Rabbah (9:3):.. There was an incident with a woman to whom a manmade advances. She asked him where he wanted to have their meeting. [After he told her] she went and told his wife. His wife went to that place and they had intercourse. He was very upset when he found out what had happened and prayed for death. His wife told him, “But it was your own bread that you ate from and it was from your own cup you drank.” She said that the cause of his trouble was that he thought that he was better than other men. The solution was to view himself as the equal of other men.

Be on the Correct Side of This Issue! by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

Rabbi Efrem Goldberg (senior rabbi of the Boca Raton Synagogue) gave permission to republish this letter with the link to his shul's webpage. This is an important letter. [see letter by Rabbi Heshy Billet]

This time of the year, Rabbis everywhere can be heard lecturing and preaching about teshuva, repentance.  They are likely invoking the famous formula of the Rambam, Maimonides, who instructs us that authentic, genuine self reflection and introspection are made up of three crucial elements:  we must verbally confess the error of our ways, we must be regretful and remorseful for what we did and lastly, we must commit never to behave the mistaken way again.

This year, I believe, Rabbis would be terribly remiss if we didn’t broadly and loudly model and exemplify the formula for teshuva ourselves before we lecture about it.  We, the Rabbinic community and the leadership of the Modern Orthodox establishment, are in profound need of collective teshuva.  Allow me to explain.

The beginning of the new millennium saw the shocking revelation of widespread sex abuse among Catholic priests and the apparent cover-up by the Church itself.   There was a public outcry stemming from the inability to comprehend how those responsible for the safety, well-being and protection of children could themselves be complicit in such devastating behavior.

Sadly, as we have entered the second decade of the millennium, it has become clear that the Jewish community is not immune to such behavior.  Though the latest revelations of abuse at Yeshiva University 30 years ago are officially only allegations at this time, it is clear from the anecdotal evidence that has emerged, as well as the direct statements of dozens of victims, that our collective community is in need of a profound and difficult teshuva process.

Abuse has not only allegedly taken place at Yeshiva University and previously under NCSY’s watch, but over the last few years, sex abuse scandals have shocked Orthodox communities all over North America and beyond.  Our own Boca Raton community has found itself the focus of much attention of late, not because of allegations of abuse in our community, but because of serious allegations surrounding a Boca resident prior to his relocating here.  (I once again invite anyone in our community with questions or seeking clarification regarding this issue to meet with me and I know Rabbi Brander extends the same invitation to community members seeking clarification from him as well) [my emphasis DT]

A common theme in many of the cases is the knowledge among community members that something was suspicious about the person and their behavior long before a newspaper story was published, a scandal broke or an arrest occurred.  Yet, the discomfort with the perpetrator felt by community members and leaders alike, rarely led to action.

Who is accountable for the pain, trauma and in some cases irreversible damage done to those who were hurt after the community was already suspicious?  Is it previous victims? On average it takes a victim of abuse 20 years to tell anyone, including those closest to him or her.   They are not to blame for failing to speak up and any attempt at blaming them is deepening their pain while failing to understand their plight.

Is it parents of those abused?  In many cases the abused or their parents desperately don’t want the attention or consequences resulting from being the person or people who “brought the perpetrator down.”  They prefer to suffer silently rather than enter the fray.   I don’t believe we can judge them or their decision, certainly not if we have never been in their shoes.

What about fellow community members who were aware of the suspicious behavior?  What is their accountability?  After a perpetrator is identified in the newspapers or by being arrested, you will often hear community members say, “I am not surprised; I had heard that he has an abusive past.”   Some even have the audacity to call out community leaders for failing to act when, in fact, the community leader may not have known what these community members knew or as much as they knew, and they are the ones whose silence was inexcusable.  It is easy after the fact to boast how much one knew about the perpetrator and their nefarious behavior all along.  Doing so, however, reveals in retrospect that the boaster was a passive enabler to the abuse, as he failed to intercede earlier.

I admire and applaud Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky and others who have penned an apology for not having done more to speak up on their classmates’ behalf.  Perhaps similar statements by those who “knew” and didn’t want to get involved in other cases would go a long way to alleviate the pain and suffering of victims of abuse, who in addition to the pain suffered from their perpetrator, have felt isolated and abandoned by those who should have done more.

What about Rabbis and community leaders?  What is our accountability?  As we reflect back on the scandal of silence, a harsh and painful observation emerges.  In too many cases, Rabbis were at best alerted to, and at worst directly called upon to intervene to stop perpetrators of abuse.  Tragically, not only did too many fail to act to report offenders to the authorities, but in many cases, some Rabbis shielded and even embraced the perpetrators, instead of the victims.  Laws of lashon harah (gossip) and judging others favorably were misapplied, often at victims’ expense.

As we reflect back, it is becoming clear that too many Rabbis turned away victims, rather than rushing to embrace them, believe in them and support them.  Too many Rabbis justified and excused the behavior of perpetrators maintaining their friendships, rather than protecting their communities.  Too many Rabbis, who no longer could tolerate the offender’s presence in their communities, shipped them to other communities in an effort to move on and hope the problem would go away.  Most egregiously, they failed to even notify their colleagues of the offenders past so that his new community could vigilantly watch over him. Too many institutional leaders and heads have failed to speak with moral clarity in addressing our collective past, present and future regarding these issues.

The Rambam’s formula begins with verbal confession.  It isn’t enough to know in one’s heart that he or she did something wrong.  It doesn’t suffice for behavior to be so egregious that an apology need not be verbalized.  No, the Rambam says, unless one undergoes the exercise of articulating what went wrong, we cannot assume he or she understands the severity of their misdeeds or the impact it had on others.

Now is the time to articulate our collective failings and where we have been deficient.  As the distrust in Rabbis and modern orthodox institutions grows by the day, and the cynicism and skepticism for our mission and messages increases with it, we absolutely cannot afford to be silent and mute.

This week marks the 50th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech in Washington, D.C.  Many speeches were given that day, but his is by far the most famous and the most remembered.  But there was a Rabbi who spoke that day on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Rabbi Joachim Prinz, president of the American Jewish Council, and a rabbi from Berlin who experienced the wrath of Hitler, warned:  “Bigotry and hatred are not the most urgent problems.” He continued, “The most urgent, the most disgraceful, the most tragic problem is silence.” Remembering the rise of Hitler, he added: “A great people, which had created a great civilization, had become a nation of silent onlookers. They remained silent in the face of hate, in the face of brutality, in the face of mass murder. America must not become a nation of silent onlookers.”

We cannot and must not be silent and thereby fail to address what happened, what went wrong, who was involved and how can we prevent it from happening again.  If Rabbis are to retain the respect of our congregants and if Jewish institutions and organizations are to retain the trust of the community, rather than be silent onlookers, we must speak loudly and clearly about where we stand on these issues.

We must ensure that our synagogues, schools, camps and campuses be free of abusers, pedophiles and perpetrators.   Aside from the continued risk their participation presents, their mere presence can trigger past trauma and pain of victims of abuse who are in the same room. I recognize and empathize that when there is suspicion with no clear proof, it is complicated to know what to do.  However, while due process is owed to the alleged offender, a process itself is owed to those who raise the suspicion and to the community in which the accused resides.

The bottom line is this:  There is a right side and wrong side to this issue and now is the time to be clear which side we are on.   It is difficult, and perhaps even unfair, to evaluate the response thirty years ago to accusations of abuse, with the knowledge and understanding we have now. But, what in my mind is not difficult at all and what is necessary now that we know so much more, is to be on the correct side of these issues today.

When a leading Rabbi in Israel invites a convicted abuser to give a Shiur to his Yeshiva, he is on the wrong side of this issue.  When a Yeshiva High School principal who wants the trust of his students and parents maintains a visible relationship, even if understated, with a registered sex offender, he is on the wrong side of this issue. When a major Jewish organization retains a Rabbi who continues to defend a pedophile who pled guilty in court, and continues to defend a letter he wrote stating that the victim who reported the pedophile is a moseir who has no portion in the world to come, it is on the wrong side of this issue. [emphasis DT]

It pains me that my beloved Yeshiva University is currently embroiled in controversy of its own, so let me be clear.  YU and my many Rebbeim there have shaped my identity, my thinking and my Rabbinate.  I am YU through and through and believe the world would be a much worse place if YU didn’t exist.  The Orthodox Union is a center of great chesed, youth work, outreach and education.  I am proud of our Shul’s affiliation with the OU and my personal involvement in their activities and programs.

I turn now to YU and the OU, not to alienate, criticize or condemn.  I turn to them as a loyal and loving ally, not as an adversary.  I turn to YU and the OU because that is what I have always done and because I, like so many of you, yearn for their leadership at this critical time. I respect and admire Dr. Lamm’s courage in addressing his role in the YU case, but more is desperately needed, and it is needed right now. [emphasis DT]

History will evaluate how the Modern Orthodox world, its leadership and its institutions reacted to these revelations.  I, for one, don’t want to be accused of being a silent onlooker to the pain and plight of victims who were failed by the community and the Rabbis who were entrusted with the sacred duty of protecting them.  We owe victims of abuse an apology and a comprehensive plan of how we will make sure that what happened to them never happens again.

To their credit, Yeshiva University has commissioned an investigation and has promised to share the results publicly.  I trust them and eagerly await their showing us how to take responsibility, display empathy, and put in place a process to prevent and address these kinds of abuses.

The final stage of the Rambam’s formula for teshuva is a commitment to the future.  Here is my pledge to our Boca Raton Synagogue community:

As your Rabbi…

• I will always put the safety, security and protection of our children first.
• I will take seriously and immediately address any report of abusive behavior or inappropriate conduct.
• I will not hesitate or delay to report abusive behavior to the authorities to investigate, while staying cognizant of the fact that a person is not guilty just because they have been accused.
• I will be transparent with you regarding what I know and how and why I did or didn’t act, to the greatest extent possible without violating confidentiality.
• I will do all that I can to ensure that our campus is off limits to established pedophiles, convicted sex offenders, and abusers.
• I will be proactive in communicating with the leadership of other communities should a perpetrator of abuse move from my community to theirs. [emphasis DT]

I have no doubt that the Orthodox community will overcome this issue and position itself once again as a voice of moral clarity and a principal spokesperson of Torah’s timeless values.  We will have to take courageous steps, make difficult decisions and have uncomfortable conversations.  But when we do, we will have not only lectured about teshuva, we will have demonstrated it.