The Rav Avigdor Miller zt’l Hagaddah Shel Pesach - On Divorce

pp. 38-39

Now when we say hashta avdi – this year we’re slaves, l’shana haboah bnei chorin, what are we asking for? More liberty? We get more freedom to go and ruin more lives? We want more liberty, but only to be forced to do what’s right. Liberty is when you learn Yiras Shamayim, you learn Mesilas Yeshorim, and you learn good middos. Now, the good middos force you to move into a good neighborhood, to move out of the suburbs. When you move into a good neighborhood among frum Jews, and you join a kehilla of frum Jews, you’ll be ashamed to divorce your wife. It’s people who live out in the suburbs where one in five divorce. When they would come to a good neighborhood, they think, “What will my enemies say, the people in the shul who know me are enemies of mine. They’ll laugh at me, and therefore why should I give them an opportunity to ridicule me, when getting divorced.”

And therefore the sviva rescues people from tragedies. 40 years ago people were ashamed to divorce, and they lived off their years, and they took their grandchildren to the Chupa together and they’re buried together in the cemetery and if they were zoche to Olam Haba, they would live together in the next world too. But people have liberty today, and so if she doesn’t like her husband, she says “get out of the house,” and he says “why should I get out of the house?” And she goes and gets a writ of protection, calls in the police, and drives the husband out of the house.

Now she’s all alone. Now she’s “happy,” and now she has “liberty.” Now she has ruined her life. I met a girl like that. A girl came over to me on the street, I never saw her before. She came over to me and said, “You know Rabbi Miller, 20 years ago I demanded and got a divorce. I made a very big mistake in my life,” she said. Divorce is ruination, and that’s why women didn’t have the right to divorce according to the Torah. Only men, because women are excitable and if women can give gittin, they’ll give gittin all the time. No matter why, but the facts are the men are slower, more deliberate. It’s important. What kind of life would it be if women could give a Get? “It’s slavery” she said. That slavery is good for you. You’ll live long with your husband. You won’t have tzoros, and eventually, in the end you’ll see that it was the best thing for you to be together with your husband. You’ll grow old together and when the time comes he dies, you’ll weep and collect insurance, and you’ll be a happy person.