Importance of Praying that Weberman does Teshuva

Guest post by fordaas Torah

“Why is it important to pray that Nechemia Tzi ben Dina does a complete Teshuvah”

The Talmud teaches that Adam before he sinned spanned from the heavens to the earth and from one end of the world to the other.  This means that on some very real level this world is actually made up of one “Adam” that encompasses the entire world.

This "one-Adam-world" was given a job to do which is really very complicated.  And unfortunately he failed; he ate from the “Tree of Knowledge” while G-d explicitly told him not to.  So Hashem developed this plan where He split Adam's job into billions upon billions of pieces, assigning it to billions upon billions of people coming down into this universe at different intervals of history, each with their own sliver of this “huge cosmic task."

Thus, while we all should be fully invested in working on our own unique mission, we must also remember that in the end we each are dependent on one another to reach our final destination.  In order for redemption to occur every piece of the cosmic puzzle must become fully actualized, so that Adam’s original task gets completed.

I believe that molestation and incest are among the more difficult issues that we need to solve as a community.   We need to work through this stuff, clean it up, and discover the underlying decay in our universe that enables such wickedness. (And perhaps even find some disguised Jewels hiding in this filth, waiting to be rediscovered, cleaned up and rectified.  Perhaps as a nation there are important lessons we can extract from these horrors that can help us get some clarity about what true Kedusha needs to look like.)

Making sure that people stop supporting this evil, support victims instead, and doing whatever we can to ensure the safety of ALL children, are very important first steps.   Then, of course, we must ensure that victims get the help they need to heal from this horrifying trauma, and perhaps even find some meaning to their suffering.

In addition though, a total soul-cleansing teshuvah by the perpetrators seems vital if we are to fully clean this thing up as a “one-Adam-world.”  There is a level of deep-core-knowing about the utter, total wrongness of these actions that must somehow be embodied in our universe.  And who can better accomplish this then a perpetrator turned Baal Teshuvah?  One can only imagine the healing that can come to our “cosmic-Adam-universe” when a perpetrator is able to fully face the despicableness of his actions, the depths of the damage caused to the victim, to himself and the entire universe, and then have the strength to live with this awareness, and have that awareness inform his day to day life.

We all know that Mr. Weberman isn't the only molester around, unfortunately.  Yet Mr. Weberman has become a "public-figure” regarding these issues.  The fundraiser and the intimidation of witnesses drew lots of attention to his trial and probably indirectly caused his steep sentence.  (Yet this is the way of the universe; actions have repercussions.  Getting people to give money for your defense because they believe you are innocent, when in fact you know that you are guilty, comes with a steep price.

Now given that all this unfortunate stuff has happened, and Mr. Weberman will probably be spending the remainder of his life in prison, wouldn’t it be such a waste of suffering if he doesn’t achieve a full teshuvah? Prison indeed is a place where people are forced, in some sense, to face who they have become as a result of their wrong choices. Yet sadly, by definition, most perpetrators suffer from extreme narcissism, which surely makes teshuvah so much more difficult for them.

But as we contemplate the fact that Mr. Weberman too is a part of our greater whole, shouldn’t we seek to do whatever we can to ensure the most mileage out of this horrible saga for our “collective-cosmic-Adam”?  I believe there are two steps we must take as a community to help move Mr. Weberman along towards this goal.

Firstly, we must stop this nonsense of insisting that he is innocent.  Teshuvah is in part the ability to see the truth for what it is, regardless of how unappealing that reality might be.  Crying “anti-Semitism”, “ community being on trial”, or “kangaroo court”, just takes the focus off from the truth, and makes it all the more difficult for Mr. Weberman to face up to the truth about himself.

And secondly, may I suggest that we each take a couple of moments every day to beseech Hashem to grant Mr. Weberman the courage and honesty he needs to enable him to move onto the path of teshuvah.  May each day bring with it for him more enlightenment about the greatness of Hashem, the utter holiness of every Jewish body and soul, specifically those of his victims.  May he realize more and more how molestation is akin to soul murder, and how accountable we each are for our actions, regardless of whether  we can hide them from the public or not.  And perhaps his teshuvah can be the catalyst to awaken our community, so that we no longer are willing to exchange real Kedusha for the appearance of Holiness.

Perhaps deeply integrating the above truths can serve towards a soul-cleansing teshuvah for Nechemia Tzvi ben Dina.
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Postscript by fordaas Torah: Perhaps one reason we struggle with accepting the realities of molestation is because we struggle to accept that someone we know personally can be such a monster.  Our habit of “black or white thinking” makes it very difficult for us to dismiss someone that we know personally as an evil individual who doesn’t deserve any sympathy whatsoever.

Also, incest by definition involves a family member, someone the victim might have strong feelings for.   So here too, the question arises for the victim; “how do I orient my feelings towards the perpetrator who has acted like a monster, yet is still my close relative?”

The answer to this dilemma might be to totally condemn the perpetrator’s actions, while still viewing him as a human being, i.e. as someone who has purpose and can contribute to our world.

I believe praying for them to do teshuvah is the way to accomplish this.  On the one hand it doesn’t minimize how horrific these actions are, while it still leaves space for us to interact with the perpetrator as a human being. 

I understand that the “teshuvah” concept is often grossly misused when dealing with these issues.  I.e. people often claim the perpetrator has done teshuvah without having any proof to believe that.  Thus the victim is then urged to stop complaining and let bygones be bygones, when the truth is that if a real teshuvah was done the perpetrator would understand that it is his responsibility to be מפייס the victim, and no way does the victim need to curb their righteous indignation in order to make the life of the perpetrator easier.

However I am advocating here for us to pray for the perpetrator to do teshuvah, not to decide that the perpetrator has done teshuvah.   I believe we can pray for this while still holding on to the truth of how difficult it is for a proper teshuvah to be done when it comes to these matters.