Preventing homosexual contact in schools & camps

An experienced educator raised the following concerns with me. Western society has experienced a radical change in attitude towards homosexuality in recent years. It is no longer viewed as a sign of mental illness or moral depravity but rather a legitimate sexual expression. The stigma and shame of engaging in homosexual activity has decreased drastically. Thus while it is true that such activity has happened in the past in dormitories or camps - either between a teenage boy and younger children or between peers who are exploring their sexuality - the frequency seems to be increasing or at least the awareness has sharply increased. At the same time - the Torah absolutely prohibits such behavior calling it an abomination.

His questions were 1) how to react if two boys are discovered to have willingly engaged in homosexual activity? 2)  Is there any way for the staff of a yeshiva or camp to identify boys who might be prone to such behavior or those who engage in it. 3) at what age does this type of activity stop being the result of  exploration of sexuality and instead indicate relatively stable sexual identity? 4)  When is it best to advise psychotherapy rather than silence? 5) under what circumstances should such boys either be refused admission to yeshiva/camp or be sent home and when should they be allowed to stay under watchful eyes and close supervision. 6) Is it better to provide some type of general educational program to explicitly warn  against such behavior or is it more beneficial to maintain the present approach of not to mentioning such activity so as to not arouse curiousity and attention? 7) Are there any differences between boys and girls in this matter? 8) Is there any proven way to discourage homosexual attractions and develop exclusive heterosexual interest?

2nd edition of Daas Torah available now for $35

The 2nd expanded edition is 822 page - English only. Approximately 200 new pages were added. There are additional chapters concerning the Satmar Rebbe's views on the 6 Day War, rabbinic authority, Daas Torah as well as Science and disagreeing with authorities. A portion of this new material has been posted on this blog, Most of the material from the first edition has been retained but has been reorganized. This edition is available only in paperback.


View first 52 pages including Table of Contents

Index to Daas Torah 2nd edition

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 volume II containing 460 pages of Hebrew sources just published - click link for more information

Many who have a good Jewish education in yeshiva or seminary regarding Jewish law and observance – often lack a deep and mature knowledge of Jewish Theology. Furthermore as a psychotherapist working in the Orthodox world – I often see clients whose problems are more issues of misunderstanding of Judaism rather than psychological issues per se. Knowledge of Jewish Theology is often restricted to a few platitudes such as “ You should love your fellow man” or “G-d runs the world” or mistaken ideas such as that Judaism doesn’t require any specific beliefs but only deeds. These concerns obviously apply even more to someone without a good Jewish education. In addition, teachers often expend hours looking for relevant material to explain a particular concept and students often need additional sources to get a clarify of subtle points.

This is a rich source book for those who would like to delve into the rich and nuanced discussions of classical Jewish theology. It is the work of over 10 years of compilation, translation and organizing. This work removes a number of hurdles 1) The original Hebrew has been translated into contemporary English 2) A wide variety of sources are quoted to avoid presented a biased and distorted view of a particular topic 3) There is no attempt to prove or force a particular view and thus contradictory views are presented 4) There is no censoring of material which might not be politically correct to current understandings but was acceptable for thousands of years.

As Rav Eliashiv told me, “You don’t avoid teaching Torah because it might cause confusion or questions. That is why a person has a teacher or rebbe.” As Rav Moshe Shapiro advised, “Let the sources speak for themselves.”

Ultra-Orthodox, Israel Police clash in Beit Shemesh; officer wounded

haaretz

Police arrest two after residents chase officers, hurl rocks, and burn trashcans to protest the removal of a sign that calls for the separation of men and women on a main street.

Har Nof Pedophile: Rav Sternbuch's Psak

Rav Sternbuch's gabbai sent me the following clarification:

The Rav told me to publicise in his name that he has not allowed any chillul Shabbos midaorayso, the Rav feels that if there is no issur Torah it is allowed what is absolutely necessary as this is a tzorah drabim, this does not include taking photos . The rav has never allowed going around with a telephone and camera on Shabbos, in special situations a rav must be consulted. 

Rafoel Rechnitzer

---------------------------------
I also confirmed with Rav Treibitz that he gave a heter [for those who had seem him] to call the police on Shabbos and to carry a camera on Shabbos to take his picture because the police said that if they knew what he looked like they would surely catch him. He told me that unfortunately there have been a number of victims already.

Divorce - problems of using secular court & beis din

Dear Rabbi Eidensohn,

This opinion was issued by New Jersey's Appellate Division this past week.  While I know little- if anything- about divorce law, I wish to make the following observations. 

Some states have laws which require gittin to be issued prior to the settling of a civil divorce.  Obviously, New Jersey isn't one of these states.  We should encourage those "askonim" (read as the Aguda, OU, et al) to try to pass similar legislation in states such as NJ. 

Sadly, I happen to know the husband in the NJ case.  While I do not know this person well, and am not intimately familiar with the situation, this specific case has been festering in the Passaic community for several years.  Whomever handled this issue from the rabinical side clearly botched it.  As with other issues addressed in your blog, our rabonnim need training on how to address these issues properly.

Aside from the primary rabbi(s) involved, the beis din involved also clearly mishandled this situation. We must encourage bottei dinim to seek the assistance of attorneys when drafting such resolutions.  The Court's opinion is heavily reliant on the unclear language in the beis din's ruling.  B'H, some bottei dinim use attorneys (the RCA has one on staff). 

It is clear that we have professionals in our communities who can assist with all of these necessities.  What is unclear is whether the entrenched establishment will issue a mea culpa and seek help.

*Disclaimer: I do not practice divorce law and do not intend to dispense legal advice. As an attorney in private practice, please note that the foregoing is my opinion and not that of my employer. 

A freilechen Channukah
 

-SYS

A Jewish Santa puts on Tefilin

Crown Heights Info

Survivor of Incest replies to Dr. Lipner

Dear Rabbi/Doctor Lipner, (I'm not sure which title is appropriate.) 

I'm deeply moved by your response to my letters.  I just want to express my gratitude to you for your kind words to me.  They are indeed very encouraging.   May Hashem lead us to the point where we have totally extracted all lessons that we collectively  need to learn from this horrifically painful, and exasperatingly complicated ordeal called incest, and molestation.  And may we merit to transform all its darkness into brilliant lights, speedily in our days!!  Amen!!

Shas rabbi's son: OK to sit next to woman

YNET

Shas' spiritual leader, Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, has yet to address the exclusion of women issue. But his son, Holon's Chief Rabbi Avraham Yosef on Wednesday slammed the "kosher" bus lines phenomenon. 

"There is no exclusion when it comes to a strange woman," he said in regards of gender segregation supporters. "Apart from touching, apart from looking, apart from smelling any good smell she may have put on herself – we should not be interested in anything else." [...]

Study shows: The richer you are - the less compassion you have

Time Magazine

Pity the poor plutocrat. Politicians want to tax them, Occupy Wall Streeters mock them, 99% of their fellow citizens are mad at them (even if they secretly want to be one of them). Now comes word from the University of California, Berkeley, that is not likely to send their approval ratings any higher: a new study has confirmed that the richer you are the less compassionate you are — and don't gloat, you upper-middle classers, that includes you too. [...]


When the numbers on these inventories were crunched, Stellar and her colleagues found no meaningful personality differences among the students that could be attributable to income except one: across the board, the lower the subjects' family income, the higher their score on compassion.

Philadelphia Sportswriter Accused of Child Molestation

NY Times

A prominent Philadelphia sportswriter abruptly retired Tuesday as three women and one man accused him of sexually molesting them when they were children in the 1970s, according to an investigation by The Philadelphia Inquirer. 

The sportswriter, Bill Conlin, 77, a member of the news media wing of the Baseball Hall of Fame and a columnist for The Philadelphia Daily News for more than four decades, abused the children when they were from ages 7 to 12, they told The Inquirer in graphic detail in an article posted on the paper’s Web site.[...]

Dr. Asher Lipner: Response to Letter from Survivor of Incest

Original Letter

Comments

Clarification by Survivor of Incest

 =======================================

My response to the writer:

I admire your courage and strength.  You have survived great emotional trauma and made a life for yourself.  You are healthy enough to both recognize conflicted feelings about some of the most complex issues a person can face and to express them clearly and honestly.  Whatever more you do, and wherever you go from here, I want you to know that I feel honored to address you because of the specialness of your accomplishments, and what you have to offer the community and the world with your wisdom.  

I have been faced with similar questions plaguing others.  I too am a survivor of abuse by my Rebbe, which poses a different set of questions and emotional conflicts, but I know many other people who have survived incest.

The reason that contacting law enforcement is almost always a good idea is for safety.  In the case you quote of the author whose problems changed when police were brought in to stop her from being abused in her family, experiencing incest on an ongoing basis creates such a high level of risk for damaging one's life, that no serious consideration can be given to "collateral damage" that occurs when stopping the abuse.  This is the halacha, and the law in most civilized countries, and while not necessarily true 100% of the time, from a clinical perspective the vast majority of the time the "new" problems are not as permanently scarring and damaging as child sexual abuse allowed to continue.  

As for contact with family, each survivor needs to work this out for themselves.  It sounds like you have a conflict about wanting to stop the charade which feels soul-killing on the one hand, but wanting to keep it up for the outside world so that you will not have to lose communal status on the other.  This situation presents you with little alternative but to make the choice you have made: to cut off ties to your family.  What if you were to break the charade ONLY inside the family?  What if you confronted all the members and tell them how you feel?  That you can understand why showing a united and positive front to the outside has benefits, but at least internally can everyone acknowledge that there has been grave sinning and abuse that has gone on, and can they not only validate you, but work with you to hold your father accountable, and make him do Teshuva?  You might be able to have your cake and eat it to.  You could get healing support and validation from your family members, thereby allowing you to have contact with them without feeling "killed", while at the same time you would give up the validation of your story by the whole world, by choosing to keep the healing process within the family.  Another advantage of confrontation vs. total distance, is that it is another step towards making others safe from your father.  Do you never worry about your nieces and nephews?  Since your father has admitted his behavior, there is some reason to hope that others will support you, because they will not be able to deny it happened, which is usually the way family members choose to avoid having to deal with the problem.  

What I am suggesting is just that, a suggestion.   It is not intended to state "the right thing to do".  Each situation is different, and there is no one size fits all right or wrong answer when it comes to healing.  

Good luck, and Hashem should continue to give you strength in your healing,

Asher

If there were another way to stop the abuse without the police, such as removing the children from the home, that might be preferable in some cases, but that does not always stop the abuse.   As long as the molester still is allowed contact with the child, there is risk of continued abuse, and unless you involve the courts, it is impossible to guarantee that such access will be denied.  

Another reason to involve the police is to protect other people.  While many children do survive and some even go on to thrive after sexual abuse, removing the child from the home does not stop the abuser from molesting other children.  The only way to provide serious protection for all children from an identified child molester is to have the molester confronted and held accountable in a court of law.  This would not only help the child who is being molested be protected, other children the molester may have access to be protected, but it would also create a situation in which the molester can be helped to stop his criminal behavior and live a more healthy life. The victims need therapy, but the molesters need to be helped as well, and for them, treatment is usually only even somewhat effective if it is court mandated and monitored.  

Rabbi Pinto’s Followers Blame Aides for Missing Millions

NYTimes

Six years ago, an Orthodox rabbi and mystic who traces his lineage to King David moved to New York from Israel and amassed a notable following. Real estate titans fetched him at the airport. Members of Congress attended his Hebrew classes. Even LeBron James, who is not Jewish, borrowed a friend’s yacht to consult the rabbi in private. 

Lately though, the image of the rabbi, Yoshiyahu Yosef Pinto, 38, has seemed tarnished. Millions of dollars in donations to the rabbi’s congregation cannot be accounted for, according to his aides and lawyers. Articles in Jewish publications have questioned his judgment. Camera crews have trailed him, with reporters shouting questions about improprieties. 

Now, the rabbi’s close followers are disclosing what they say is the source of many of his troubles. They said they told federal investigators that the rabbi had been the victim of a bizarre embezzlement and extortion plot that was carried out by two former members of his inner circle, who stole his congregation’s money and tried to frame him.[...]

Supportive Steps After a Sexual Assault

NY Times

Do you know what to do if you or someone close to you becomes the victim of a sexual assault? A national survey released last week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicated that sexual assaults are far more common than previously believed, with nearly one woman in five reporting that she had been the victim of rape or attempted rape. 

Ideally, anyone who has been forced into a sexual act should be seen within 24 hours at a hospital emergency room where a specially trained team provides medical care and counseling, collects high-quality forensic evidence and supports often terrified victims who may — or may not — choose to pursue legal action. 

Unless you already know the best place to go, call a rape crisis hot line, regardless of the nature of the assault and even if the attack occurred days or weeks earlier. There’s a hot line in every community, according to Dr. Judith A. Linden, an emergency physician at Boston University School of Medicine, where she treats victims and trains medical personnel how to be sensitive and thorough in examining people who have been sexually assaulted.[...]

In Israel's past bastions of secularism, religious debates flare

Haaretz

The disagreement over worship traditions at Matzuva is just one example of the conflicts that have developed in the past several years at dozens of kibbutzim around the country. In some the issue is which stream or tradition to follow, while at others the dispute is over whether to build a synagogue on the kibbutz and where to put it: at the center of the community, or off the beaten path. Economic issues are also involved: The Religious Services Ministry spends hundreds of thousands of shekels every year to build synagogues in kibbutzim that want it.[...]

Dr. Moti Zeira, director of Oranim College's HaMidrasha Educational Center for the Renewal of Jewish Life in Israel, ascribed the current conflict to increased religious observance in Israel and a change in the kibbutz population. He said kibbutzim were influenced by the move toward increasing religious observance that began in the 1980s. "Young kibbutz members who became observant and stayed on kibbutz demanded venues for worship, posing a challenge from within that strikes a sensitive nerve," Zeira said. At the same time, many kibbutzim are absorbing new members, or nonmember residents, who want religious services.[...]