Loving a suicidal, psychotic spouse

New York Times

Two years ago, when Giulia and I were 27 and in our third year of marriage, she suffered a psychotic break. She had no history of mental illness preceding the abrupt arrival of delusions and paranoia. It was a bewildering decline that snowballed from typical work stress to mild depression to sleeplessness to voices speaking to her in the night. [...]

Giulia has since gotten better. She no longer takes the medicine. We don’t live in a “Yes” or “No” existence anymore. We now live with bills and iPhones and deadlines.  [....]

BUT I do miss how much we talked about life and love that year. It seemed like all we ever talked about. In one sense we have never communicated less in our relationship and never been in such different mental spaces, yet in another sense we were closer emotionally than we have ever been and more deeply connected. Her mental illness cast such a strange web of paradoxes into our life together. 

Nowadays we bicker about things like doing the dishes.[...]

For Some, Psychiatric Trouble May Start in Thyroid

New York Times

In patients with depression, anxiety and other psychiatric problems, doctors often find abnormal blood levels of thyroid hormone. Treating the problem, they have found, can lead to improvements in mood, memory and cognition. 

Now researchers are exploring a somewhat controversial link between minor, or subclinical, thyroid problems and some patients’ psychiatric difficulties. After reviewing the literature on subclinical hypothyroidism and mood, Dr. Russell Joffe, a psychiatrist at the North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System, and colleagues recently concluded that treating the condition, which affects about 2 percent of Americans, could alleviate some patients’ psychiatric symptoms and might even prevent future cognitive decline.

Battle for Apartments in Mea Shearim between Gur & Neteurei Karta

Sikrikim member Yosef Hazan arrested in Jerusalem

Jerusalem Post

Yosef Meir Hazan, a member of the Sikrikim (Sicarii) extremist ultra-Orthodox group, was arrested this week in the capital’s Geula neighborhood as part of a special operation by the Jerusalem Police.

According to police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld, Hazan was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of causing public disturbances, damaging property and assaulting a police officer attempting to arrest him

Rabbi Berel Wein: The widening disconnect between masses & rabbinic leaders

Jerusalem Post

I think that one of the more difficult situations that exists in the Jewish world of today, especially, in my humble opinion, in the Diaspora, is the widening disconnect between the vast bulk of the population and the rabbinic leadership. While there are many rabbinic pronouncements on the minutiae of Jewish law, customs and observance there is very little that is said and heard about the major problems that face the Jewish world – the security of the Jewish state, the dire financial situation that threatens the entire system of Jewish education, the astounding rate of poverty and unemployment (voluntary and involuntary) in religious Jewish society, children at risk because of one-size-fits-all educational institutions, growing rates of divorce and family dysfunction, an unhealthy and misogynic system of dating and marriage, growing anti-Semitism and a seemingly unstoppable rate of assimilation, secularization and intermarriage that guarantees a shrinking Jewish population in a few generations.

 

Rather than address these terribly difficult issues, Jewish leadership is engaged in fighting over – again - the battles that destroyed the Jewish world of the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.[...]

Abuse: Law to make everyone a mandated reporter

Value of Gratitude is finally discovered by Psychology

New York Times

...Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others, including romantic partners. A new study shows that feeling grateful makes people less likely to turn aggressive when provoked, which helps explain why so many brothers-in-law survive Thanksgiving without serious injury. ...Religious individuals don’t necessarily act with more gratitude in a specific situation, but thinking about religion can cause people to feel and act more gratefully, as demonstrated in experiments by Jo-Ann Tsang and colleagues at Baylor University. Other research shows that praying can increase gratitude.

Six Day War - Miraculous or Natural? Video History

There is no question that highly intelligent planning was done by the Israelis- in terms of strategy, psychology, troop training,intelligence and weapons. But the fact that this extremely complex operation was so successful in spite of the high risk of failure - obviously places it in the realm of the miraculous. In other words it would have been totally natural for Israel to have failed. It was not inevitable that they would win. In fact a friend of mine who was there and fought in the war said the atmosphere was extremely pessimistic and the Israelis were expecting huge casualties and that their highest expectation was to avoid defeat.

Igros Moshe(Y.D. 4:8.2): Concerning the matter of the Jews who were hijacked in Uganda and then were saved by [Israeli] soldiers who went to Uganda. It is reasonable that this should be considered an open miracle. That is because in the normal course of events it would not be possible that such a thing be successful. Whatever is done in the world is only by the hand of G‑d – whether it is for the good or whether it is – G‑d forbid - ! the opposite. He causes the blow and the cure. He caused that these Jews be captured. But He also caused that they were rescued by means of giving these soldiers special courage and motivation so that they were able to save the captives. He also arranged circumstances so the soldiers in fact were successful. Nevertheless the reasons that G‑d did a miracle through sinners are hidden from us. Furthermore it is prohibited for any man to be “wise” and raise question against G‑d’s actions. Rather it is necessary for us to be innocent and accepting whatever G‑d does as it explicity says in the Torah (Devarim 18:13)

Supreme Court upholds conviction of Shmuel Veisfish - a member of Sikrikim gang - for extortion, assault and grievous bodily harm.

Jerusalem Post

The Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Shmuel Veisfish, an activist in the extremist Sikrikim group, who was sentenced by the Jerusalem District Court in January this year to two years imprisonment for rioting, extortion, assault and grievous bodily harm.

Veisfish was convicted for his participation in the harassment and assault of the owner of the “Space” electronics store in the haredi neighborhood of Geula in Jerusalem 2008, but lodged an appeal with the Supreme Court over the severity of his sentence.

Veisfish, and other Sikrikim militants, had objected to the sale of portable video players in the store, which they claimed corrupted haredi youth. They arranged dozens of protests demanding that “Space” stop stocking such items and would drive customers out of the store and block the entrance. The group’s members also threatened to kill the employees and burn the store unless they stopped working there.

Dr. Salamon (psychologist), R Frankfurter (editor of Ami magazine) & Pinny Taub (survivor and advocate) - discuss dealing with abuse while avoiding vilifying Orthodox community

Talkline Communications
         Complete Show mp3   Sunday, November 20, 2011 3:00 AM Dr. Michael J. Salamon, Woodmere Psychologist Tackling Abuse in Orthodox Jewish Community, Pini Taub abused around 1990 abused by Rebbe in Yeshiva

This is an important event. Dr. Salomon is an Orthodox therapist who deals with abuse victims and has written a book about the unique issues of dealing with abuse in the Orthodox community. Pinny Taub is a chassidic victim who has been an eloquent advocate for victims. He recent stopped attacking the rabbis and institutions who have not helped or have obstructed help for victims. He now feels it is necessary to focus exclusively on change which doesn't involve criticism of rabbinic authority or the Orthodox community. Rabbi Frankfurter is the editor and publisher of Ami Magazine - who constantly attacked Dr. Salamon for vilifying the Orthodox community over the abuse issue - even though he admits he didn't read his book and later apologized to Dr Salamon -  if it were true that he wasn't vilifying the community.

The issue of course is the old one of what is more important - to protect the victims of abuse or to preserve the perception of authority and integrity of the rabbis and community leaders. Everyone would agree if you can have both - than go for it. The issue is when you have to decide between the two which side to you chose. Can you only help the victims to the degree that it doesn't embarrass the community?  Or is helping the victims the prime value - even when it causes embarrassment and reduced respect for the rabbis. 

It is interesting that the main villain according to Rabbi Frankfurter, Pinny Taub and Dr Salamon is the bloggers. They all seem to assume that there are no good blogs or that no good comes from even bad blogs. In this they are both clearly mistaken.

The following was from a  discussion I had on Cross-Currents  with Pinny Taub (who contributed a chapter to my book) on this issue

Pinny Taub wrote to me:

I really have a lot of respect for you. I did not include you in my letter and I did not include most activists. I specifically wrote hate-filled. I agree that whatever has changed for the better came because of the constructive criticism and you deserve a great deal of credit for that. Regarding your book I have no regret that I added my story. If my story helped only one person become more aware, then I thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Author of Hush speaking in Chicago

Author of Hush - speaking at Y.I. of Long Beach

In recognition of the Second National Jewish Week for the Prevention of Child Abuse, the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children, and the Young Israel of Long Beach are pleased to announce the first New York public appearance of Judith Brown, the acclaimed author of the award-winning book, "Hush", which is based upon the story of a case of child sex abuse in Brooklyn's Chassidic community.

The lecture, free of charge, is scheduled for Sunday, November 27, 2011, at 7:30 p.m. at Young Israel of Long Beach, 120 Long Beach Boulevard Long Beach, NY

Introductory remarks will also be made by Jewish Board of Advocates for Children (JBAC) president Elliot Pasik, Esq., who will give an update as to ongoing progress in making our yeshivas and all nonpublic schools safer and better.

Is a parent who had incestual relations - decades ago - still a danger to family?

Received this letter today with permission to post it. Any constructive suggestions welcome. I don't deal with this type of assessment - and I am not sure it is even is valid. Therefore I think the family needs to be informed as a first step - and the father evaluated by an experienced professional. Since he hasn't molested anybody recently - there is no requirement either according to halacha or secular law to report him. The issue is entirely whether he is dangerous.

[Update 11/16/2011]. I discussed this issue with a number of psychologists who deal with abuse. The consensus was that while testing can be useful -  there in no test which can establish that a person is not a threat. So while it does happen that an abuser stops - it is difficult to determine whether a particular abuser has permanently stopped and is no longer a danger. Often it simply means that he choses his victims more carefully so that he doesn't get caught. Therefore this abuser can not be trusted and care must always be taken not to leave him alone with children. So while there is no requirement to report him to the police in the absence of any known abuse in many years - he is a major concern. However how to inform others is not a simple matter - especially where no one is willing to file a complaint. Therefore an expert in child abuse should be consulted for advice how to proceed. It is important to know that sometimes an abuser will abstain for 20 or 30 years and then start again.

==================================

Dear Rabbi Eidensohn,

I am writing because of the work you have done into the problem of pedophilia, etc. My question is as follows.

A (female) student/friend of mine was incested as a child by her father, a rabbi from a prominent Chassidic family. She knows of cousins who were also abused by him, many years earlier, when he was still a bochur.  (These cousins include two women and a man). She (my student) has reason to believe that her brother and another sister were also incested. My student is now over forty and the abuse occurred between age 2 and 12.; Her father admitted to it. Until last night she had not spoken with anyone in the family about it (except her mother).

My friend has distanced herself from her family (gently but firmly with no explanation) starting about 10 years ago, but in the course of her own healing process she realized that her nieces and nephews are likely in danger for the scientific research suggests that a pedophile rarely ceases his predatory behavior at his own initiative, even in elder years (her father is probably in his late sixties). So yesterday she spoke with her brother, and told him her story, and charged him with informing their other siblings to be cautious with their children and to not leave them alone on any regular basis, with their grandfather.

The brother took it in, and then said that there is this therapist who gives people a test that is supposed to distinguish between pedophiles who are likely to be still dangerous and those who are probably not. He wants to ask his father to take this test to see if it is really necessary to inform his siblings. (Also if his father is really a danger than maybe he must inform the next generation his own children, nieces and nephews to watch their children).

My question is,: Do you know anything about this test. Do you think it is reliable. What if the perpetrator lies about the extent of his previous offences, can it detect that. Do you know about this therapist. Is there someone you can refer me to who might help me sort this out. My friend/student does not want to be involved any more.  She feels like she did her bit by telling her brother, and feels that further involvement would be harmful to her, so she has dropped the ball in my court.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.  Many thanks

Penn Scandal: Aish HaTorah did not publish my criticism of their article

Yesterday I submitted my criticism of Aish HaTorah - The_Penn_State_Scandal article to their comment section-  it has so far not appeared. I assume it was rejected. See my post- Penn-state-scandal-learning-torah-from goyim