Talking to strangers? Rewriting the rules of childhood

Time

Long before Leiby Kletzky was gruesomely murdered in Brooklyn after the lost 8-year-old asked a man he didn't know for help earlier this month, I made sure my three kids knew my cell phone number my heart. Even the 4-year-old can rattle off the digits, but Leiby's death changed everything I thought I knew about stranger danger.

We teach our children not to talk to strangers, but — as in Leiby's case —sometimes they have to. After all, if they're lost, how are my kids ever going to be found unless they first approach a stranger to lend them a cell phone so they can call me?

 Perhaps, I realized — even as I wincingly told my kids that a boy my oldest child's age had been killed by a stranger — that “don't talk to strangers” truism needs to be revised.

I didn't tell my kids about Leiby's fate to scare them. I used it as an excuse to talk to them about strangers and how to interact with them. Because it's inevitable that they'll have to. My children don't have their own phones, so if they were ever lost, they'd have to ask a stranger for help. Look for someone in uniform is a tough concept for a 4-year-old to grasp; to her, a uniform could be a princess outfit. In fact, when recently discussing a fire escape plan for our family, I explained to her that although generally she shouldn't leap into the arms of muscular men she doesn't know, if one comes stomping through her house in the event of a fire, she shouldn't run and hide. It was all very confusing.

Intermarried couples try to raise Jewish children

JPost

Lisa Shimel, who is not Jewish, celebrated Christmas with her Jewish husband until their first child was born; now they’ve added Chanukah. Deb Morandi works at Jewish Family Services, where she introduces intermarried families to Judaism, though she is not Jewish.

Pat Luftman was a committee co-chair in her son’s Jewish preschool, but her Jewish husband was denied a board position because the couple was intermarried. The Rev. Eleanor Harrison Bregman accompanies her children and Jewish husband to synagogue on Saturday, then goes to church the next day on her own.

A growing number of non-Jewish parents in America who have no plans to convert are raising Jewish children, marrying Jewish spouses, building Jewish homes and playing active roles in the Jewish community. But without plans to join the faith officially, their place in the Jewish community can be a bit complicated.

“My husband has never asked me to convert, and I feel strongly that I won’t, so this is as far as it will go,” Morandi, an active member of her Reform congregation, Temple Etz Chaim in Franklin, Mass., said of her synagogue work.[...]

Vatican's plan for dealing with abuse fails in Ireland

CNN

The Vatican on Monday recalled its envoy to Ireland in the wake of a blistering report accusing church leaders of covering up extensive abuse of young people by priests.

Archbishop Giuseppe Leanza was recalled to Rome "for consultations with the (Vatican) Secretariat of State," the official Vatican Information Service said in citing a statement from the Roman Catholic Church's leadership.

The move came in reaction to this month's release of the Cloyne report about "allegations of abuse of minors by clergy ... and, in particular, in the wake of subsequent reactions."

Released July 13, the 421-page report into abuses in the diocese of Cloyne -- near the southern city of Cork -- demolished claims by the Catholic Church in Ireland that policies it put in place in 1996 had enabled it to get a handle on the problem. It details how complaints against 19 clerics in the diocese were dealt with between 1996 and 2009.

It also accused Bishop John Magee, who was responsible for policing abuse in his diocese, of not backing the policy himself and failing to take action against abusers.[...]

Rabbinical court wants woman jailed for refusing to accept divorce

Haaretz

In a rare move, the Jerusalem Rabbinical Court ordered a 59-year-old woman jailed this week for refusing for 15 years to accept a ritual divorce from her husband and release him from their marriage. 

Disputes over refusals to grant a get, or Jewish religious separation, are common, but usually involve a husband holding back the bill of divorce, making this a rare case. 

The woman, who lives in the center of the country, is refusing to accept the divorce from her husband because of an ongoing property dispute between the two. 

“I won’t take the get under any circumstances, even if they take me to jail,” the woman told Haaretz Monday. “I’m made of steel, you can’t break me.”[...]

Rav Shteinman opposed to elitist non-Beis Yaakov schools

5tjt

Rav Shteinman, upon seeing the list of students, asked why these particular young ladies were not accepted into the local Bais Yaakov.  The Avreichim quickly corrected Rav Shteinman and stated that it was not that they were not accepted.   Au contraire, these young ladies were from the finer families, a cut above the standard “Bais Yaakov” family.  The parents had willingly registered them in this elite school.

Rav Shteinman responded that, if that is the case, the plans for the school should be negated immediately.  The group attempted to explain to the Rosh Yeshiva the dire need for the new type of institution, but they were unable to budge Rav Shteinman.  They were stuck and had to scramble to register their daughters in the other Bais Yaakov institutions.

Word quickly spread throughout Yerushalayim.  There were other elite schools too, that were established for the same purpose.  Kollel Yungerleit flocked to Rav Shteinman, only to receive the same response, “There is no inyan whatsoever to be frummer than Bais Yaakov.  Anyone who registered their daughter at an elite school should negate the matter and re-register in the Bais Yaakov schools.”

Religious parties want inspection of secular institutions

JPost

 

Deputy Finance Minister Itzhak Cohen (Shas) is demanding that the Finance Ministry conduct inspections to secular cultural and educational institutions that receive state funding, in the same manner as is done to yeshivot.

Speaking with The Jerusalem Post on Sunday, Cohen's call came in the wake of a recent inspection at the Beit Shmaya yeshiva in Bnei Brak, where two men walked in on the head of the yeshiva in the middle of his weekly lesson to the entire student body, in what was perceived as a highly insensitive and disrespectful move. Following the incident, heads of yeshivot and haredi Knesset members convened on Saturday night and issued a call to the Finance Ministry, under which the inspections take place, to freeze the inspections for a week and draw up clear and respectful procedures for the inspections.[...]

Michael Specter: The danger of science denial

Briskman case: Reasons to refuse to give Get

Washington Post

Yisrael Briskman’s wife in Israel wanted a divorce, and a rabbinical court decided she should be granted one. But Briskman refused and fled to the United States, where the FBI says an Orthodox Jewish rabbi and his wife lured him to their New Jersey home, kidnapped him and said they’d bury him alive in the Pocono Mountains if he didn’t relent.

Briskman said he was kicked repeatedly in the ribs at the home in Lakewood, robbed and shown the dark body bag he’d soon inhabit if he didn’t free his wife from their marital bonds.

“For you to get used to the size,” Rabbi David Wax is quoted as saying in the criminal complaint leading to his surrender to the FBI this month.

If this Sopranos-style plot is true — which the Waxes deny — it is an anomaly. But it’s not uncommon for religious communities to use coercive tactics to pressure recalcitrant husbands into granting their wives a “get,” or religious divorce. Tactics run the gamut from denying social and religious privileges to using financial and legal leverage. [...]

Should sperm & egg donors remain anonymous?

Time   link fixed

Traditionally, the identities of egg and sperm donors have been tightly guarded secrets, numbers with no names attached, making it difficult for their biological offspring to ever make contact. Today, that changes as Washington becomes the first state to chip away at that anonymity, with a controversial new law that guarantees children conceived with gametes from Washington sperm banks and egg donation agencies access -- when they're 18 -- to their donors' medical histories and their full names— unless the donors specifically opt out of being identified.


Although Washington doesn't go as far as Sweden, Austria or the United Kingdom, which abolished anonymous donations, it's still a significant step for many parents of donor-conceived children who yearn to answer that question most kids ask at one time or another: where did I come from?

“It's a good step in the right direction,” says Jennifer McCarty, a Seattle mom of a donor-conceived 3-year-old daughter and an adopted 4-year-old son. “As a parent, I want to be able to provide a way for them to find out who they are and dig into their origins."[...]

Aguda attempts to clarify views on reporting child abuse to police

 There are couple of unclarified issues 1) what does the rabbi do that necessitates asking permission. Is this a question of psak or of objectivity. If it a question of rodef there is no need for a psak and if it objectivity then why is a rabbi considered more objective than non rabbis. 2) what happens when there is mandated reporting and the rabbi says not to report it 3) where does rodef enter here - it was declared to be an unnecessary concept at the Aguda Conference. 4) What do you do when the  rabbi you consulted says not to report to the police but you feel otherwise?

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Cross-Currents--by Rabbi Avi Shafran

Agudath Israel of America has received several inquiries in the wake of misleading claims that have recently been made about our stance on reporting suspected child abusers to law enforcement authorities. We take the opportunity to clarify our position.

As Torah Jews we live our live our lives in accordance with halacha. The question of whether and under what circumstances one is halachically permitted or required to report to the authorities suspicions of child abuse (including sexual molestation) has attracted the attention of a number of our generation’s most prominent rabbinic authorities. Many of their responsa have been collected in the respected Torah journal Yeshurun, Volumes 15 and 22.

As elaborated at a recent Halacha Conference sponsored by Agudath Israel of America, these responsa make clear that when certain standards have been met it is not only permitted but in fact obligatory to report suspicions of abuse or molestation. The general principles that emerge from these responsa are as follows:

1. Where there is “raglayim la’davar” (roughly, reason to believe) that a child has been abused or molested, the matter should be reported to the authorities. In such situations, considerations of “tikun ha’olam” (the halachic authority to take steps necessary to “repair the world”), as well as other halachic concepts, override all other considerations.[...]

IDF general causes storm after calling to curtail religiosity in army

YNet

The former Israel Defense Forces Human Resources head called on the army to halt its tendency to religious extremism and renegotiate the relationship between secular and religious soldiers. 

Avi Zamir, who finished his tenure a month ago, sent Chief of Staff Benny Gantz and his General Staff colleagues a letter concluding his tenure at Human Resources. In the document, which spans nearly 30 pages, he details the struggle between the Education Corps and the Military Rabbinate, and says rabbinic demands for modesty undermine the standing of female officers and soldiers.[...]

Couple Sues a Vermont Inn for Rejecting Gay Wedding

NYTimes

A lesbian couple is suing a Vermont inn, claiming it refused to host their fall wedding reception because of their sexual orientation. 

Kate Baker and Ming Linsley filed the suit on Tuesday in Vermont Superior Court, accusing the Wildflower Inn of Lyndonville of abruptly turning them away after learning they are lesbians.

They claim the inn violated Vermont’s Fair Housing and Public Accommodations Act, which prohibits inns, hotels, motels and other establishments with five or more rooms from turning away patrons based on sexual orientation. The law makes an exemption for religious organizations.[...]