I have a story to tell, and it’s an
important one – the question once arose, “can we simply push aside the 5th
commandment?” This might seem like an odd question, but the question arose
during an odd experience under strange circumstances. The Rosh Yeshiva is
always known as the more influential leader– even greater than the Yeshiva.
With that said, my son was studying Torah at well-known Yeshiva in New York.
At this school, I was under the impression that he’d study
Torah and learn how to connect with a mesora that was laid forth by his
parents. However, when I learned that Rosh Yeshiva was teaching his own mesora,
I found myself disheartened. As an Orthodox Jew, the power of the Rosh Yeshiva
is not unknown to me. He’s a considerable influence outside of school as well.
In the community, he’s a leader and a policy maker, and he’s often called to
act in such capacity. But to make children rebel against their parents? That
was unheard of, and it was something that I wasn’t willing to take lightly.
I began to take note of just how closed off this Yeshiva
community was from others. There was absolutely no accountability, and as a
result, I was treated with contempt. Not to mention, any speak of seeing a
gadol together was solemnly rejected. The community believed that survival as a
distinct entity necessitates more than just education. In other words, they
believed in indoctrination. However, that left parents – like me – scrambling
to understand just what our children were being taught and indoctrinated into.
I found myself increasingly perplexed by what was unfolding
before me, but I looked to the past to gain clarity. Rabbi Salanter was
concerned that without ethical behavior and spiritual warmth, study of the
Talmud would become motivated by vanity, and that adherence to the laws would
turn into an unfeeling, mechanical process. At that moment, I realized that the
Rosh Yeshiva was precisely what Rabbi Salanter envisioned happening one day.
My son has not eaten at my home in over two years, and yet,
the Rosh Yeshiva will not permit me and my son to see a mediator. Moreover, the
Rosh Yeshiva will not visit a mediator with me either. As a parent, I will
fight for my child. I will fight to ensure that my child doesn’t fall victim to
such strict indoctrination, and I will not sit idly by while the Rosh Yeshiva
calls me “bizarre,” “strange,” and, “someone with poor judgement.” Every parent
has a right to inquire about the welfare of their child – even when they’re
older. And every parent deserves a satisfactory answer. That’s what I’m here to
do.
