Vayetze 76 - Kids can help to ' make or break ' a marriage

Guest Post by Allan Katz

When we take a look at the lives of the Avot – the Forefathers and especially the life of Ya'akov- Jacob, we see lives that are full of challenges and very complicated, and yet in the end the light of the Torah is revealed. Proverbs 23:31 implies that only people who have their eyes on drink think that life runs smoothly without bumps in the road or complications. כִּי-יִתֵּן בכיס (בַּכּוֹס) עֵינוֹ; יִתְהַלֵּךְ, בְּמֵישָׁרִים.Leah as the older daughter, according to the local people was destined to be married off to Eisav- Esau. She cried and prayed to God .She became Jacob's wife in a most complicated way because Jacob wasn't able to perceive at that time, that his destiny to become Israel needed him to marry Leah. Jacob initially felt a touch of resentment to Leah because of her complicity with her father in deceiving and conning him into marrying her. Leah was extremely conscious of not being the 'favorite wife' and felt not loved and even ' hated.' Thing slowly began to improve when she began to have children. We see from the names she gave her sons how each son helped Jacob's love for her to grow even more. She called their first born son – Reuvein, from God seeing her affliction which was apparent and could be seen by all. Her second son was called Simon, from God hearing her that she was ' hated' = less loved, something that only she could notice from the tone of Jacob's voice in conversation with her .After she had her third son and thereby given birth to her share of the 12 tribes, there would be no difference in the love Jacob showed to his 2 wives and that from now ' my husband will become attached to me', implied by the name Levi. Their connection now had the commitment of a couple that find their happiness only in each other. In fact, Jacob gives expression to his love and commitment by him naming the child, Levi. ( R'SRH). The Chizkuni says that until this point Leah could cope alone in raising her children, one child in each hand, now that she had a third child, she needed Jacob's help. The obvious question is why could not Leah rely on the hands of her maid-servant Zilpah? When it comes to ' education', it is the parent and not the ' super-nanny' that is responsible and has to be active in the child's education.

And this introduction from the parasha reminds me of a woman who had a ' problematic marriage ' and was told , that we can see from Leah's experience that 'having more children ' would solve her problems and cause her husband to show affection, love and support. Unfortunately, things became much worse and she had to carry the burden of caring for even more children by herself. She continued to be 'emotionally abused' and with the added burden of the children, she had a physical and emotional breakdown. The husband tried to take the kids from her by having her certified by a psychiatrist as being mentally not there and unable to care for her kids. If he would have succeeded, a 'philipino 'and her friend would be looking after the kids.

It is pretty obvious that the cases are completely different. The woman already had a few children and that did not impact positively on the husband. The husband was a self-centered abusive personality and certainly not a Jacob. Leah was less-loved and not – not loved. The husband could be interested in ' having' children, but does not see them as a product of the love between his wife and himself and does not feel privileged and honored by God- Hashem , that they as a couple have been chosen by God to raise these children, however challenging they may be. Ya'akov – Jacob and Leah were partners in establishing the 12 tribes that would become the nation of Israel.

It is said that God gives people the challenges and difficulties that are within their potential and ability to deal with. One woman who was struggling and feeling totally helpless parenting her challenging kids remarked that ' she wished that God would not have such a high opinion of her. I feel we need to reframe the belief – that if we receive the proper support and guidance, in addition to God's help, we are able to cope with the challenges that life presents to us.

Raising challenging and high maintenance kids is very stressful even when couples are 'on the same page ' and attuned to the needs of their kids. Being on the same page and moving in the wrong direction does not help very much. Often the husband feels the wife is too soft and does not know how to set limits with kids. He believes the kids can behave if they want to, all it takes is to make them ' wanna behave ', using power, fear, threats, punishments, consequences, bribes and rewards. Using Plan A – imposing Adult will usually escalates conflict and causes more meltdowns. This causes even more stress between the parents, as the one party, usually the mother who is the primary care giver has made a paradigm shift. She believes and this is supported by at least 30years of brain research that ' children do well if they can ' and most problems have at their source in developmental delays and lagging skills particularly in the domains of flexibility, adaptability and frustration tolerance. The way to go is to improve the relationship and connection and reduce conflict by prioritizing problems and putting some of them on the shelf – this is called Plan C. The focus then is on Plan B, not dealing with behaviors, but rather trying to solve the underlying problems using collaborative problem solving. Here, we first focus on the kids concerns and perspectives and encourage him to open up and express his concerns. We then share our concerns and invite the kid to brainstorm with us solutions that are mutually satisfactory, realistic and durable. We agree to review how the solution is working. In this way the kid feels understood. We support his autonomy = feeling self –directed and connected to his inner core, competence = we promote many cognitive and life skills, enhance our relationship and moral development. Hillel taught that we should address not only our concerns, but also take into account the concerns and perspectives of others. The father, being concerned only for his need to control creates an atmosphere where it is ' my way or the high way ', so the home becomes more stressful and the developmental needs and needs for unconditional acceptance are not met. Unconditional acceptance is making it clear that certain actions are unacceptable while still providing ' a very deep kind of reassurance that we care about them and are not going to punish or desert them if they do something very bad. The father is also promoting the lowest level of moral behavior, promoting only thinking about the consequences for ourselves rather than reflecting on the consequences and the impact our behavior has on other people. If the father is not able to change his lenses and see that his concerns can be met using a ' working with ' approach , a mother most probably decide that being a single mom, would be easier and better for her kids and the family.

Raising kids is complicated and stressful , but if we become more aware of our relationship with our spouses and how we contribute to the family dynamic and the needs of our kids rather than our need for control, children can help ' make a marriage ' , if not they can help to break a marriage.

Mendel Epstein: Two more sentenced for role in Torture for Get gang

N.J. com    Two Brooklyn men were sentenced on Tuesday to more than three years in federal prison for their roles in the beating of Orthodox Jewish men to convince them to give their wives a divorce at the direction of a Lakewood rabbi.

For David Hellman, 33, and Simcha Bulmash, 32, one of those husbands was actually fictitious, a figure concocted by FBI agents who were investigating allegations of Orthodox Jewish men being beaten until they agreed to grant their wives a religious divorce, known as a "get."

U.S. District Judge Freda Wolfson sentenced Hellman to 44 months in prison and Bulmash to 48 months behind bars, said U.S. Attorney Paul Fishman. Wolfson also required that they be placed on two years of supervised parole after their release.

On Monday, another member of the beating squad, Moshe Goldstein, 32, also of Brooklyn, was sentenced to four years in prison.

All three men pleaded guilty to traveling in interstate commerce to commit extortion as part of a federal sting that ultimately nabbed a dozen people accused of arranging or carrying out the beatings of recalcitrant husbands.[...]

Mendel Epstein: Muscle man gets 4 years in jail in torture to give Get conspiracy

NJ.Com

The first of 10 men charged in a bizarre torture-for-hire plot aimed at convincing recalcitrant Orthodox husbands to grant their wives religious divorces was sentenced Monday to four years in federal prison. (Robert Sciarrino | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com) 

Moshe Goldstein was the muscle.

The 32 year old Brooklyn man had been part of a group recruited to force a reluctant Orthodox husband to grant his wife a religious divorce in a bizarre plot that involved beatings, handcuffs and an electric cattle prod. 

It was all an FBI sting centered on a prominent Lakewood rabbi who specialized in divorce proceedings, in an operation that stretched from Brooklyn to a warehouse in Middlesex County. There was no husband, no wife and no divorce.

And on Monday, Goldstein—the first of 10 to face sentencing in the case, was hit with a four-year term in federal prison, after pleading guilty to crossing state lines to commit extortion. [...]

During his plea hearing, Moshe Goldstein admitted he and others traveled from New York to a warehouse in Edison in October 2013, with the intent of forcing a Jewish husband to give his wife a "get." According to court filings, some showed up wearing Halloween masks and was one in a Metallica T-shirt, as they waited to grab a supposed victim. Once there, they met with an individual purported to be the husband's brother-in-law and discussed a plan to confine, restrain and threaten the victim. [...]

President Navon: Chazon Ish Predicted to Ben Gurion that Israel would become Shommer Shabbos during 1952 meeting

 Update: Recording of President Navon talking about the meeting

http://www.kikar.co.il/184900.html


Guest post by RaP

From Yated Ne'eman, November 13, 2015. Pages 31-32:

"PRESIDENT NAVON'S EYE-WITNESS ACCOUNT OF BEN GURION'S VISIT TO THE CHAZON ISH

The 5th president of Israel, Yitzchak Navon, passed away at the age of 94...Navon became Prime Minister David Ben Gurion's political secretary in 1951...he was present during Ben Gurion's famous visit to the Chazon Ish on October 22, 1952. Two years ago he spoke about the visit to the chareidi Kol Hatzibbur news outlet. Navon was the last living person present at the meeting.

Navon proceeded to tell Kol Hatzibbur about the visit...

'...He [the Chazon Ish] was short with shining wise eyes. He greeted Ben Gurion pleasantly...Ben Gurion began by saying': 'I have come to you to ask how we, religious and non-religious Jews, can live in the land without exploding from within. There are people with different hashkofos. How can we live together in this land?'

The Chazon Ish replied: 'There is a halachah that if two camels are walking in one path towards each other and there is only room for one of them. The camel with a load has right of way. The camel without a load must make way. We are like the camel with a load of mitzvos incumbent upon us and you must give way before us.'

Ben Gurion said, striking himself on the shoulder: 'Do you think this camel has no load? National security isn't a load and mitzvah? Settling the land and immigrant absorption isn't a load? These aren't mitzvos?'

[The Chazon Ish] said to him, 'In the zechus of this, that we study Torah, you have the capability of doing what you do.'

[Ben Gurion] said, 'But those who sit on the borders, who guard you, is this not a mitzvah?'

[The Chazon Ish] said to him, 'They survive in the zechus that we study Torah.'

Ben Gurion repeated, 'But if these army bochurim didn't get to you, the enemies would slaughter you.'

The Chazon Ish said, according to my notes: 'On the contrary. In the zechus that we study Torah, they are capable of living, working and holding guard.'

Ben Gurion said, 'I don't denigrate Torah, but if no people are alive, who will learn Torah?'

The Chazon Ish replied: 'The Torah itself is a tree of life, an elixir of life.'

Ben Gurion said, 'Protecting lives is also a mitzvah, for, The dead do not praise G-d. But nonetheless, I ask how can we live here together?'

The Chazon Ish said: 'I see chillul Shabbos, cars, journeys on Shabbos. People travel to the sea instead of davening, learning Torah and living Jewish lives. This is provocative and shocks the soul to see such chillul Shabbos in the land of our forefathers.'

Ben Gurion said: "...One cannot force them to keep Shabbos. And if they don't go to the sea, do you think that they will come to shull?'

The Chazon Ish said, 'I believe, that the day will come when everyone will observe Shabbos and daven.'

Ben Gurion said: 'If they want, I will not oppose it. Let them do it. But it cannot be forced upon them. There cannot be religious coercion or anti-religious coercion. Each person should live as he sees fit.'"

Navon related how the two gave up the discussion and parted ways.

'So the argument went on, more or less repeating the two positions without drawing nearer to each other regarding substance...In the end they rose, parted from each other in very friendly fashion with a handshake, and we went out...'"

Rabbinical conference on sexual abuse to open in Jerusalem

JPost

The Association of Communal Rabbis will convene a conference in Jerusalem on Sunday to deal with the ramifications of the allegations of severe sexual abuse against Rabbi Ezra Scheinberg from Safed within the religious community.

The conference at the Ganei Yerushalayim hotel will be attended by Chief Rabbis David Lau and Yitzhak Yosef, Efrat Chief Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu, director of ACR Rabbi Amichai Eliyahu and Rabbi Menachem Borshtein, director of the PUAH Institute for fertility, among others.

Scheinberg, a renowned national-religious rosh yeshiva from Safed, was indicted in July on 12 charges of sexual offenses including rape, sodomy and indecent assault. [...]

Alongside the 200 rabbinical figures at the conference, there will be addresses from police officers, child psychologists, and educational experts, while numerous organizations from the haredi and national-religious community will also be participating.

“After the scandal involving of ‘the rabbi of the North’ [Scheinberg] we have decided to raise this issue with the chief rabbis and organizations in the national-religious community due to the understanding that the rabbis are the most senior authorities and guides in these communities,” said Eliyahu.

“We need to create tools for dealing with similar cases and to build a mechanism for working with the legal authorities on issues of such sensitivity for families and the national-religious community.”

What is Daas Torah regarding Tamar Epstein?: Asifa at Agudah Convention ( Thursday Nov 12 - Sunday Nov 15) to find out who is her husband?

update: This event has been postponed from Thursday night because of the rain. It is being rescheduled during the Convention. I will post when it will be rescheduled after the various speakers decide what is best.


After all these months of discussing the issue of Tamar Epstein and mekach ta'os, askanim have devised a way to get an authoritative answer to all questions. There will be an Asifa at the annual Agudah convention to ask the gedolim for Daas Torah on the matter.

Questions:

Is the heter of mekach ta'os valid in this case? Or is Tamar still married to Aharon Friedman and is required to leave her new husband? Does Aharon Friedman have an obligation to give a Get despite the fact that the Baltimore Beis Din  did not require it of him? Does Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky support the heter or is it true - as his son claims - that he had nothing to do with it and he rejects the heter? Do the gedolim feel that a psychologist should be the one to decide when the heter of Mekach Ta'os applies and a Get is not needed? Is it appropriate for a Jewish wife to decide to end the marriage because she thinks she can do better? Are public demonstrations as done by ORA causing the Get to be invalid because of Get Me'usa?

Transportation to the Convention

There will be transportation available to the Convention in Connecticut. Call 908 274 1501 and leave a message. Someone will call back to make arrangements.

Location:

Agudah Cnvention at the Crown Plaza, in Stamford, CT.

Schedule:

Opportunity for participants at the Agudah Convention to join the Asifa will be provided during breaks in the regular program.

 The Asifa will be formed a number of times during the Convention to allow adequate opportunity for everyone to ask questions and receive authoritative answers according to their level of understanding.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop: As Netanyahu courts the Reform and Conservatives

Guest Post by RaP     This week, Israeli PM Netanyahu concluded an historic final trip to Washington DC to visit his nemesis US President Obama, and to do some troubling things!

As everyone knows, about six months ago Netanyahu entered into an alliance with all the Charedi parties in Israel to form a new government based on a razor's edge majority of 61 Knesset votes out of the 120 there. Despite this "majority of one" government coalition, it has worked very well to give the Charedim and fervently Orthodox Jews of Israel a welcome reprieve from the afflictions they had suffered for about two years when Netanyahu dumped his long-standing Charedi allies and turned to the rabidly secularist and anti-Charedi Yesh Atid party to form the most anti-Charedi regime Israel has seen in recent decades.

For two years when Netanyahu ruled as part of a triumvirate with Yesh Atid's Lapid and Bayit Yehudi's Bennett, it was mamash a gehinom (hell) for Israel's Charedim. New decrees came out at a cut-throat pace aimed at destroying Charedi educational institutions (their Yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs), the Charedi way of life (men learning in Kollel and mothers of large families), and of course forcing them to sign up and make threats to forcibly enlist them in the army, while secular Israeli society was given a free pass and no demands were made of it at all, as they are the only ones according to themselves supposedly "sharing the burden" ("shivyon banetel") that will surely go down as one of the most twisted propaganda lines foisted on the Jewish People!

All that came crashing down on the heels of the tragic Har Nof Massacre that in turn has become a harbinger of what has now become a full-blown "Stabbings Intifida" by crazed Jihadis targeting mostly Charedi and Religious Zionist Jews.

While Netanyahu has been criticized for being all talk and no action when it comes to not stopping Iran from getting a nuclear reactor to build atomic bombs that would be aimed at Israel, very unlike PM Begin who bombed the Iraqi reactor and PM Olmert who bombed the Syrian reactor -- all without talking and just by taking the right sort of action to ensure the survival of the Jewish People in Israel. Yet Netanyahu has now revealed a pattern similar to this in dealing with the stabbings and shootings and uprising by local Arabs against Israeli Jews. He loves to talk, talk, talk, while murder and mayhem spread like wildfire and as the Ha Nof victims are joined by dozens more in the streets and anywhere the Jihadis can get at them.

Now Netanyahu went to Washington to have what was most likely his last meeting with Obama, and he "kvels" it was his "best meeting yet" while on the streets of Israel Jewish blood is spilled like water. But to add insult to injury it gets worse, if that is possible, and Netanyahu overcoming attempts to boycott him, is insistent on speaking at...no not at a meeting of Charedim in America who are now very numerous and have lots of connections, not to mention that it was once the Lubavitcher Rebbe in America and his Australian Billionaire follower Gutnick who originally helped to put Netanyahu in power, ironically it was also Rav Shach in Israel who supported Netanyahu over Peres originally (with his famous Goral of "VeShimon(Peres) Einenu Ve'es Binyamin (Netanyahu) Tikachu"! Bereishis 42:36) -- Netanyahu meets not with Charedim or the Orthodox in America whose kinsmen in Israel prop up him and his government and help him keep his fancy job as Prime Minister of Israel.

Who does he meet with the day after Obama? Not just with secular Federation-type American Jews, which is okay since they have lots of money and many support Israeli causes, but he announces to the world and it's widely reported in all the Jewish and Israeli media, that Netanyahu promises to seek legitimacy for the Reform and Conservatives and their agendas in Israel!

What kind of "home-coming gift" is this? What kind of "thanks-giving gift" is that? What kind of gratitude is that? What about the fact that he is beholden to the Charedim and Orthodox in his current ruling coalition?

Obviously it must mean that he thinks he "can do better" and that yet again he is signaling, albeit from the USA, that he will be ready to throw the Charedim under the bus one more time very soon when he is ready for it. Add to that the signals and words coming from various Israeli politicians on the Left such as from Labor's Hertzog and Yesh Atid's Lapid that they have received offers or would consider or that Netanyahu's people have reached out to them, and add in that various Charedi politicians have started to warn that a new broad-based coalition with the Left will not work and will lead to a collapse of the current Israeli government, then the only question remaining is how soon the inevitable will happen, and will Netanyahu be gone well-before or right-after Obama who is now in his last year in office.

Things they are a changin' 'cause change is coming!

These are very difficult times for the Jewish People in general and for Israeli Jews in particular. From a Torah-true perspective there is only one way out, to strengthen ourselves in Torah Umitzvos and in Emuna and Bitachon, and increase Ahavas Yisroel and Chesed. The blood of the Kedoshim of the Har Nof Massacre and all the victims before and after who join them almost on a daily basis, Rachmana Litzlan, may HaShem save us, the Mesirus Nefesh of Am Yisroel has brought some reprieve from the Gezeiras ("decrees") of recent times against the world of Torah, for six months Charedi Jews have gotten a break, even though now they are evidently being left to fend for themselves on the streets of Israel, many are afraid to leave home every day and everyone is worried when travelling or walking, while the PM flies to Washington, gets the red carpet treatment, smiles at Obama and says he has had his "best" meeting with him, and the right away the next day rubs salt into open wounds by saying he wants to help the Reform and Conservatives bring their agenda to Israel, as if Israel doesn't have enough problems already!

So that is why we are waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop because a man who is not loyal to and is obviously chafing at his current Charedi friends who keep him in power, cannot last much longer and as someone has put it, it is not "if" but "when" a new election will be called and the cycle of choices and coalition-building will once again be taking place.

Sooner or later, Israel will get the kind of government it needs and deserves and that means one that will not view Charedim as a "burden" but as Israel's greatest strength, and will look not to fight religious Jews and their way of life but to enhance the Torah and the glory of HaShem and not create the opposite milieu by siding up to and welcoming the Reform and Conservatives to Israel, that will not help them keep up the shaky crumbling secular front in any case.

European Rabbis declare Open Orthodoxy 'outside the fold'

Arutz 7

The Conference of European Rabbis (CER) issued an unusually harsh statement this week condemning the United States-based liberal Open Orthodoxy movement, and warning that Orthodox communities in Europe would not employ rabbis ordained by the group until it returned to normative Orthodox practices.

In the declaration, the CER - which represents some 700 European Orthodox rabbis - emphasized that it embraces only those rabbis who "were ordained in accordance with halakhah (Jewish law - ed.), and who lead their communities according to the generational traditions as handed over at Mount Sinai, and passed on by the poskei hador (major halakhic authorities - ed.)," and who hold fast to fundamental, traditional Jewish values.

CER would not accept "any initiative that is not in the spirit of the halakhah" or ancient Jewish tradition, it added - referring to the Open Orthodoxy movement.

"The Conference views with great pain the deviations from religious foundations emanating from the movement called 'Open Orthodoxy', and warns that those who act in this spirit, alumni of the aforementioned movement... will not be recognized by us as rabbis, with all that entails."

Rabbi Jonathan Guttentag of Manchester, UK, explained that by systematically testing the boundaries of normative Jewish practice, Open Orthodoxy "has pushed the envelope that bit far, and... led to positions which take its proponents outside the Orthodox umbrella."

While acknowledging that the group did tend to keep just within the confines of Jewish law, he and other rabbis emphasized that for Orthodox Jews the "spirit of the law" was almost as important. [...]

About Aaron Friedman’s Supposedly “Incurable“ PPD “Diagnosis” … … Really???

 Guest Post by Ploni

   About Aaron Friedman's Diagnosis 

Toldos; Raising difficult children vs kids with an easier nature

Guest post by Rabbi Shloime Pollak

 How did Yitzchock Avinu get it so wrong?!?

How could it be that Yitzchock wanted to give the Brochos to Eisav, a murderer and thief, instead of Yaakov Avinu, the perfect well behaved child??

Rivkah Eimeinu, that saw the greatness in Yaakov, and Eisav's shortcomings, probably conveyed her thought to Yitzchock... yet Yitzchock disagreed??

Rashi tells us, that there was a real concern, that Reuvein might join the forces of Eisav??

For questions and comments please email  salmahshleima@gmail.com

Women Rabbis and the Rabbi Bakshi Doron Letter: Time for a Fact Check

Cross-Currents    by Rabbi Avrohom Gordimer

When you do not like the facts, ignore them. When you do not like the situation, pretend it is not so.

This sentiment can unfortunately be aptly applied to some of the protest on the part of Open Orthodox leadership to the recent resolution of the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) against the ordination and hiring of women as rabbis. The protest has been vicious, it has been sophomoric (sorry to say so, but it is true), it has lacked substance – and, with the just-breaking publication of a crucial document, it has been (further) demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt to be rendered irrelevant by clear and undeniable facts.

Readers are urged to please read here about the background of the RCA resolution and why Halacha does not accept the ordination of women as rabbis, and here for a detailed depiction of the types of protest against the RCA resolution in which Open Orthodoxy has engaged and why this protest really misses the mark.

In a November 8 article in Haaretz, Rabba (Open Orthodox female rabbi) Sara Hurwitz, who was the first woman ordained by Rabbi Avi Weiss and who serves as dean of Yeshivat Maharat, the Open Orthodox rabbinical school for women, restates the recently articulated opposition to the RCA resolution and writes:

I found myself teaching communities about the halakhic permissibility of women serving as members of the clergy. My role models were Deborah the Prophetess, Beruriah, and Hannah Rachel Verbermacher, the Maiden of Ludmir. I taught about Rabbi Eliyahu Bakshi-Doron, the former Chief Rabbi of Israel, who ruled unequivocally in 1993 that “Women can be of the Gedolim (great leaders) of the generation and serve as halakhic decisors.” (Responsa Binyan Av, 65:5.)

As explained in the above-cited article, Deborah the Prophetess was not ordained as a rabbi and did not serve on the Sanhedrin. Nor did Beruriah receive ordination or hold a rabbinic title, nor did Hannah Rachel Verbermacher, known as the Maiden of Ludmir. These women were exceptionally holy and wise, and they generously shared their sagacious counsel with others, but alas they serve as absolutely no basis or precedent to ordain women as rabbis, and they would in all likelihood cringe at the idea and immediately label it heretical.

That brings us to the oft-cited responsum of Rabbi Eliyahu Bakshi Doron, the former Sephardic Chief Rabbi. This responsum has been used repeatedly by Yeshivat Maharat leadership and others as a primary basis to confer ordination or its equivalent upon women who graduate their programs. (Please again see the above-cited article as to why the source reference to female rabbinical judges for voluntary arbitration in the immediately prior hyperlink is wholly inapplicable to the ordination of women.) In fact, as Rabbi Bakshi Doron is the only senior Torah sage to really discuss the issue of women serving as halachic decisors, reliance on his position has been pivotal and dispositive for those promoting ordination for women.

Here is the truth about Rabbi Bakshi Doron’s alleged support for the ordination of women:


In a June 23, 2015 letter to the president of the RCA, issued in response to a request for clarification of his position on the ordination of women – months before the RCA resolution was even conceived or drafted – Rabbi Bakshi Doron stated unequivocally:

Regarding your question about ordaining women for the rabbinate: There are those who are claiming reliance of on my sefer (book) Binyan Av – volume 6. I hereby declare that God forbid, one may not ordain a woman to serve as a morah hora’ah (halachic authority) nor to be called “Rabba” (female rabbi). We must caution those in our generation not to follow the example of the Reformers, and to stay clear of their practices (such as ordaining women).

I certainly wrote in my cited responsum that a woman may halachically serve as a halachic decisor, and such has the Chida written (Choshen Mishpat s. 7), but this must be without official appointment or authority… 

…There inheres in the matter (of women serving as rabbis and licensed halachic authorities) a lack of modesty, especially in our generation, in which immodesty is more prevalent than modesty. I thank you for your letter, which has enabled me to remove a source of misinformation.

This is nothing short of a bombshell (although it comes as absolutely no surprise to those of us not caught up in the pro-women rabbis campaign).

It is now crystal clear that the only “real” source invoked by proponents for the ordination of women is anything but, as Rabbi Bakshi Doron unqualifiedly condemns and forbids ordaining women and licensing women as halachic decisors; Rabbi Bakshi Doron’s words had been materially (and unconvincingly from the start) misapplied to promote a reform that he rejects outright. It has already been crystal clear that the halachic authorities of the RCA (and all other preeminent halachic authorities) – Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein, of blessed memory, and Rabbi Gedalia Dov Schwartz, Rabbi Hershel Schachter and Rabbi Mordechai Willig – have come out against the ordination of women, as per these rabbis’ presentations to the 2010 RCA convention. It is also crystal clear that there are no greater or equal halachic authorities who sanction the ordination of women. And it is, unfortunately, crystal clear that despite all of this, Open Orthodoxy will not be deterred from continuing to ordain women and to attack the RCA and those who oppose such ordination. This speaks volumes about the commitment of Open Orthodoxy to Halacha and halachic authority. (In this vein, please see here for the recent proclamation of Agudath Israel’s Council of Torah Sages about Open Orthodoxy.)

As I have already written: Some Open Orthodox leaders have alleged that the RCA is placing people outside of Orthodoxy, discriminating against those who do not agree with the RCA position, and changing the rules. Nothing could be further from the truth. The RCA resolution is based on the 2010 pronouncements of the RCA’s poskim (halachic authorities), whose articulation of the issues merely continued the rabbinic tradition of millennia and did not change anything. On the contrary, this problem was not created by the RCA, and those who broke rank with traditional Orthodoxy and introduced the problem and precipitated the present schism should think hard about their actions and trajectory.

There are those who have suggested that rather than ordain women as rabbis or license them as halachic decisors, the time has come to create new, alternative religious titles and positions for women. Aside from the fact that no major poskim have backed this approach, I personally find it to be patronizing and insulting to the superlative roles in traditional Judaism already filled by women. Rather than introducing or contriving new titles, which in my mind smacks of a condescending affirmative action approach to a disadvantaged class, for whom we must fabricate positions in order to make people feel special, why can we not recognize the sheer greatness of Jewish women in their age-old roles as wife, mother, educator/morah and rebbetzin/rabbanit? Women in these capacities have built, sustained, inspired and carried the Jewish People through thick and thin. These roles are at the bedrock of our Mesorah (tradition) and are at times overlooked by those seeking to introduce and innovate. (In a similar vein, please click here for a letter expressing my thoughts about the significance of the traditional approach to bas mitzvah, questioning the propriety of contemporary innovation therein.)

In the broader and public realm, women such as Rabbanit Batsheva Kanievsky, of blessed memory, and Rebbetzins Esther Jungreis, Feige Twerski, Dr. Bruria David, Tzipporah Heller, Tehilla Abramov, Leah Kohn, Ruthie Assaf, Malka Paretzky, Shira Smiles, Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, and publishers and editors such as Mrs. Ruth Lichtenstein and Arutz Sheva’s own Mrs. Rochel Sylvetsky, and countless others, have carried and disseminated the messages of Torah teaching, inspiration, enlightenment and policy more effectively and comprehensively than any female rabbis ever have or ever will.

Our entire Mesorah rests on the greatness of women continuing in their eternal positions as mothers, teachers, counselors, communal role models, advisers, and people who inspire others in incalculable ways. Let’s take a step back and give kavod (respect) and show appreciation to these traditional roles and to the women who fill them so amazingly, surpassing any contemporary innovations or contrivances hands down!

Criticism and derech eretz: On striking the correct balance

Shalom Rabbi Eidensohn,

First of all let me state that I think you are doing an extremely important job of bringing this issue to the public's knowledge. I think your willingness to publish this guest post also further demonstrates that your work is being done lesheim shamayim without any agenda.

At the same time, can’t help but wonder about the appropriateness and halachic permissibility of some of comments you and your esteemed brother have been expressing towards RSK and RNG, especially in the comments section. Calling recognized talmidei chachamim and Torah leaders "idiots and fools" is, in my opinion, not only unnecessary for what you are trying to accomplish but also quite possibly a grave violation of serious halachic prohibitions.

I respectfully submit that the same may be true for your comments on whether or not RSK is a capable posek. First, the fact that some anonymous talmid chacham was not impressed by his halacha sefarim does not impress me. There are many respected and accepted halacha sefarim about which various talmidei chachamim might express negative opinions. This has always been true.

(Parenthetically, I don't think familiarity with the responsa literature or lack thereof are necessarily relevant to being a posek. There are and have been many poskim who paskened mainly from their understanding of the sugya. RMF was a prime example. Conversely, there are unfortunately many young “poskim” today who are familiar with much “response literature and can quote freely from a large range of poskim but are incapable of forming their own intelligent opinions based on deep learning of a sugya. If RSK paskens primarily from his extensive knowledge of Gemara and Rishonim, I don’t see any detriment in that.)

Please note that I am not questioning your right - even obligation - to take up these issues and criticize the rabbis in question. I am only questioning the method of communication.

I would like to point out that your own rav, Rav Sternbuch, who is clearly highly agitated over this episode, nevertheless does not engage in ad hominem attacks or questioning the protagonists’ general qualifications. In fact, I believe that his teshuva is a model for how this discourse should be conducted. Notice the respect he accords RSK and RNG.:

First, he calls them אחד מגדולי ראשי הישיבות עם אחד מהפוסקים שם.

When he proceeds to strongly disagree with their reasoning, he writes במחכ"ת , which basically means, “with all due respect to the honor of their Torah personalities.”

Nowhere does he attack them personally or their personal integrity.

I do not see him comparing them to Rabbi Goren. He invokes the Goren episode as a point of reference to a case of how the gedolim reacted to a mamzer being wrongly permitted. Even if you argue, that he meant to draw a veiled comparison, he left that between the lines, and did not do it blatantly.

To summarize, Rav Sternbuch has skillfully demolished their credibility in this particular case and expressed the full monstrosity of what has happened without uttering a single word about the protagonists!

I realize this is a very difficult situation. Impossible really. RSK is a person who has become renowned for selflessness and for care about all sectors of Klal Yisrael, and his yeshiva has produced legions of talmidei chachamim. This in no way justifies his actions here; but his status as a gadol is already established. If anything, let's stick to impugning what was done, without attempting to fell people who have filled important and positive roles in the Torah world.

Call out the actions that have been taken in the strongest possible terms. Alert your readership to the serious and far-reaching implications. But refrain from offering judgements - especially highly speculative ones – on the people involved.

Is Tamar's husband Aaron Being Punished For Trying To Do The Right Thing?

Guest post by Ploni

   Is Aaron being punished

Protest against Tamar Epstein's heter :Rav Shlomo Miller, Rav E.B. Wachtfogel, Rav Moshe Green & Rav Yechiel Tauber