Behar 75 True Freedom and Autonomy by Allan Katz

Allan Katz     The portion-parasha of Be'har Lev. 25:10 talks about sanctifying the 50th year- the Yovel= Jubilee and proclaiming freedom-' dror' for ALL its INHABITANTS, it will be a Yovel for YOU; you shall return each man to …. His family.

The importance that all people should be free is because God says in verse 25:55' For the Israelites are servants to me, they are my servants whom I have taken out of the Land of Egypt.' They cannot serve another Master but God alone. Because God has taken the Israelites out of the Egyptian bondage– and each Jew has to see as he himself left Egypt- , they owe their lives and freedom to Him. Because they are totally indebted to Him, they are willing to give their lives to Him as His servants. Here are 2 questions.

1 Why do we celebrate freedom in the Jubilee year if that freedom means we have to submit us ourselves to a new Master? 2. Verse 25:10 talks about freedom for all its inhabitants, should the verse not read freedom for all the indentured servants and a Jubilee for them and not for YOU who are already free?

First, we must define what true freedom or autonomy is. According to the SDT – Self Determination Theory a person is autonomous, self-determined and self- directed when he endorses his actions at the highest level of reflection. When self-determined people experience a sense of freedom to do what is interesting, personally important, and vitalizing this often happens when we do things enjoyable or interesting and they are an expression of our deepest values. When a person's basic needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness= having a sense of belonging and feeling supported people are met , people feel self- determined and are intrinsically motivated and engaged. It also leads to enhanced performance, persistence and creativity.

Autonomy does not mean independence. It is a state of mind. We can very willing subject ourselves to a security check at the airport because we identify with its value and purpose. In the same way we act with volition when we intentionally choose to subject and commit ourselves to God and his Torah. And this is what the Sages say –the only people who experience true freedom and autonomy are those who deal and are involved with revealing God's will through the Torah. In this way they follow the example of Abraham, the Patriarch in the leadership role of serving God and being of service to man. To be a servant of God one has to be a leader who can inspire people and such a person needs to be truly free, autonomous, self-determined and powerful.

It is not only the master- servant or master-slave relationship where the master is' controlling' and denies the servant any autonomy, but often in a marriage – husband and wife, in the family –parent and child in the workplace – boss and employee, or in school – teacher and student where people with power – boss, teacher and parent or even a spouse are very controlling, dominating and sometimes intimidating. The truth is that it is not only the people who are being controlled whose needs for autonomy are not met, but the person who has a need to control others does not experience autonomy and true freedom. The need and goals of autonomy are intrinsic – more about the person himself, his self-control, ability to teach, inspire, influence and lead because of his ability –competence and relationship with people. The person who needs to control others has extrinsic needs and goals for power and control over people. They compensate for feelings of weakness, insecurity, low self-esteem, fear of losing control, and relationships where there is no trust and connection. So the controlling person lacks true freedom and autonomy because he is being controlled by his fears and inadequacy.

The Jubilee and call for true freedom is directed to all the inhabitants. Not only do people with power have to relinquish control and support the autonomy of their servants, employees, spouses, students and children but people who have power to be controlling have to focus on intrinsic needs and goals of autonomy, competence and relatedness so they can lead by their greatness rather than by their power, position and status. If one gives up control, one gains influence and connection.The servant returns to his home to lead his family in the ways of God. If he feels autonomous , perceives himself as competent , feels a love for his family and respects them and their autonomy he will be highly motivated and feel a sense of true freedom in serving God and being of service to man.

Education is about building leaders. Leaders are not servants, but they lead themselves, and others in serving God and being of service to man. If we address our kid's needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness they will make the Torah theirs, and be leaders in their own way.

A slave who fulfills the wishes of his master is as beloved as a son?

 update - added page from Artscroll Yerushalmi below
I was recently looking at the Kehati Mishna to Berachos (2:7)

The last line is the issue. A slave that faithfully serves his master is as dear to the master as his son.


My first problem is I don't know where this quote is coming from. Assuming it is valid - it offers an interesting insight into not only master slave relations - but any relationship where one party is dominant i.e., marriage or parents and children.

We know for example that Jews are described as both G-d's slaves and His children. Does obedience create the relationship of father to son. Or is that inherent and only when they are disobedient do they acquire the negative relationship of slaves?  Similarly do we say that the starting point in any marriage is love - but that is lost because of failure to fulfill the wishes of the spouse? Or  does the subservient status of a wife only turn into love by obedience?

All this has major implication - so the question is where is the Yerushalmi he quotes? It is not part of the Gra that he quotes and I could not find it in the Yerushalmi to this Mishna.

The Hebrew Kehati text is וכן אמרו בירושלמי שעבדו המשמשו כרצונו חביב עליו כבנו

update:

The issue is discussed in the Artscroll Yerushalmi Berachos 2:8 below - in particular comments 20-21

#20 states: In the Rishonim it seems that their text of the Yerushalmi contained the phrase "From this we learn that a person's student is as beloved to him as his son and similarly his slave who serves him faithfully is like his son." see Tosfos HaRosh, Ritva found in Shita Mekubetzes, Rashba...

#21 According to Rabban Gamliel his slave Tevi is to be related to as a free man who is beloved and and as important to him as his son. ...

Which rabbi in Sanhedria is so obsessed with pedophiles that he secretly put camers in the men's mikve?

update BSHCH

YNET   A rabbi was detained last week following complaints that he had installed a camera in a men's mikveh (ritual bath) in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood of Sanhedria in northern Jerusalem.[...]

Recently, rumors began circulating in Sanhedria that hidden cameras had been installed in the place, documenting the naked men during the ritual immersion.

After some of the men who visited the mikveh confirmed the suspicions, several complaints were filed with the police and investigators were dispatched to the facility. The rabbi was detained for questioning.  [...]

Some of the residents defended the rabbi's unusual move, explaining that he was concerned by the rise in pedophilia incidents and sexual assaults in Jerusalem's haredi neighborhoods. The rabbi's associates explained that he had tried to deter sex offenders by installing security cameras in the mikveh. [...]

Senior rabbi Zvi Telsner on committee that helped accused sex predator Malka Leifer flee Australia, court told

Herald Sun     A SENIOR rabbi accused of covering up sex crimes at Yeshivah College formed part of a committee that helped accused sex predator Malka Leifer flee Australia, a court has heard. 

Mrs Leifer fled Australia just days after the Adass Israel School committee of management was told of allegations she abused at least three sisters and a string of other girls.

Yeshivah Centre chief rabbi Zvi Telsner was on Monday named as a member of a panel that decided to terminate the former Adass Israel School principal’s employment and help her flee Australia in 2008.

It comes as Mrs Leifer was on Monday night expected to fight an application for her extradition from Israel to face criminal charges here.[...]

Current principal Israel Herszberg told the Supreme Court that Rabbi Telsner formed part of a panel that decided how to handle the allegations.

The panel ultimately decided to suspend Mrs Leifer and send her back to Israel using school funds, he said. [...]

The revelation Rabbi Telsner was involved in a second alleged cover-up is expected to increase mounting pressure for him to resign.

Insiders said it was evidence of a wider culture of cover-ups, bullying and denial that exists in the ultra-orthodox community.

One alleged victim said as recently as last month he was “told off” for reporting a matter to authorities.

There has been increasing pressure for Rabbi Telsner to step down following evidence he gave to the royal commission in February that included a claim that paedophiles and gay people could be “cured”.

He was also accused of encouraging the shunning of child sex abuse victims, a claim he has denied.[...]

Limits of accomodation?: Autistic girl removed from flight for being disruptive

Fox 12

A Tigard family says they were kicked off a plane mid-flight this week because of a misunderstanding with their autistic daughter.

The family tells FOX 12 this happened on Tuesday night, when they were flying on a United Airlines flight from Orlando to Portland.

Donna Beegle says it all began when she noticed her autistic daughter Juliette, 15, was getting hungry.

Beegle says her daughter wouldn't eat the snacks they brought for her on board the plane, and knew she needed food right away to avoid a meltdown.

“I asked the flight attendant if they had anything hot, because Juliette is very particular about her food,” said Beegle. “If it's warm she won't eat it, if it's cold she won't eat it, it has to have steam rolling off of it.”

Beegle says she was told that warm meals could only be served to first class.

“The flight attendant said, ‘there's not anything we can get you,' so I said, ‘well how about we wait for her to have a meltdown, and start crying and she tries to scratch, and then you'll want to help her.'”

After that, Beegle says her daughter started getting fussy.

That's when she says that flight attendant reluctantly brought her a hot meal from first class, and she calmed right down.

Beegle says things seemed fine after that, until the plane made an emergency landing in Utah. Police walked on board and headed straight toward her family, according to Beegle.

“Police officers said ‘we have to ask you to leave the plane,'” said Beegle. “I asked them ‘why?' and they said, ‘the captain doesn't feel comfortable flying to Portland with your daughter on the flight.'”

The family says they left puzzled and hurt by it all. [...]

United Airlines issued this statement to FOX 12 about the situation:

“After working to accommodate Dr. Beegle and her daughter during the flight, the crew made the best decision for the safety and comfort of all of our customers and elected to divert to Salt Lake City after the situation became disruptive. We rebooked the customers on a different carrier and the flight continued to Portland.”

KPTV - FOX 12

Israeli school removes plaque honouring Lord Janner, the peer accused of sexual abuse

Telegraph    An Israeli nursery school feted for promoting Jewish-Arab co-existence has removed a plaque honouring Lord Janner, the British peer at the centre of a child sex abuse investigation. 

The school in Maalot Tarshiha in Israel's northern Galilee region was renamed the Lord Greville Janner Education Centre in November 2012 in recognition of the former Labour MP's work in promoting inter-religious understanding.

Lord Janner attended an unveiling ceremony along with Matthew Gould, Britain's ambassador to Israel, and local dignitaries, including the town's mayor, Shlomoa Buhbut.

At the ceremony, Mr Buhbut praised Lord Janner for "building bridges" and told him: "There is no better place in Israel than to have our kindergarten named for you."[...]

Officials at the school met last week to discuss changing its name after it emerged that there was enough evidence to try Lord Janner - who was MP for Leicester West for more than 30 years - with 22 counts of alleged sexual abuse.[...]
 ======================================

The Guardian   
A group of people who say they were abused by Lord Janner are seeking a formal review of the decision not to prosecute the former Labour MP following child sex abuse claims.

Alison Saunders, the director of public prosecutions, decided not to charge the 86-year-old peer on health grounds, despite saying there was enough evidence to prosecute for 22 sex offences against nine people.

Janner, who now has dementia, was accused of carrying out a catalogue of abuse against young boys, and more than a dozen people came forward to claim he abused them during the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. [....]

'Peeping rabbi' Barry Freundel could face 17-year sentence

update from Washington Post - 25 page memo from prosecutor

Haaretz    Prosecutors are seeking a 17-year prison sentence for a prominent Washington rabbi who pleaded guilty in February to secretly videotaping dozens of women during ritual baths, court documents filed on Friday showed. 

Prosecutors say Rabbi Barry Freundel, 63, recorded the women between early 2009 and October 2014 using devices installed in two changing rooms for the National Capital Mikvah, which is next to the Kesher synagogue in the upscale Georgetown neighborhood. 

The prosecutors said in court papers they were asking the judge to sentence Freundel to four months for each of the 52 misdemeanor counts of voyeurism to which he pleaded guilty. 

That represents a third of the maximum penalty available for the judge, but the prosecutors called the 17-year recommendation “a reasonable and just punishment for this severe conduct that falls on the extreme end of the voyeurism spectrum.” 

Freundel, who also is facing civil lawsuits, is scheduled to be sentenced on May 15.[...]
================================update ============
Washington Post



In a 25-page memo, prosecutors attacked Freundel’s credibility as a religious leader and said he lived a “double life.” Prosecutors said they found videos of the rabbi, who is married, having sex with several women.

In another part of the memo, prosecutors wrote of a woman videotaped by Freundel who had been a victim of domestic abuse for more than 10 years. Freundel offered her support, even setting her up in an apartment away from her husband. Yet, un­beknownst to the woman, Freundel placed recording devices in the apartment’s bedroom and bathroom, according to the memo.

Prosecutors said Freundel used an “elaborate” cataloguing system to identify each video of his victims by number and included the women’s names or initials.

“He used his position of trust to take advantage of a place of peacefulness, spirituality, and privacy, deceiving women into attending, and surreptitiously recording his congregants, students, and potential converts ­naked,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Amy Zubrensky wrote in the memo. [...]

   Freundel Prosecutors Sentencing Memo by yadmoshe

Another major scam in Bnei Brak: Falling for "something for nothing" - that violates the Torah

Mishpacha (May 7, 2015) has a large article regarding with the latest scam in Bnei Brak involving 80 million shekalim of debt for 500 families that have now been destroyed financially - most of the victims are kollel families and people in poor financial circumstances.

וכמו במרבית סיפורי העוקץ הקלאסים, ההתחלה היתה הצלחה מטאורית ממש: צעיר חרדי שהתגורר בבני ברק וניהל סוכנות להחלפת כספים ,אותה קיבל מבעליה הקודמים, שפשט את הרגל חצי שנה קודם לכן. במסגרת הזו הוא גם הפעיל שירות ניכיון שקים והלוואות. עד כאן הכל היה רגיל ושגרתי, אך עד מהרה הפעילות קיבלה תפנית חדשה ומסוכנת. לידידיו הרבים וללקוחות שהחלו נוהרים למשרדו הוא הציע להשקיע אצלו כספים, בתמורה לאחוזי ריבית נאים במיוחד: 2.5% של תשואה חודשית קבועה, ללא כל השוואה לריבית האפסית שנתנים הבנקים.

בתחילה, העסק דפק היטב: הוא שילם היטב ובזמן, וקהל לקוחותיו גדל בהתאם. היו שם חלפני כספים, מנהלי עסקים זוטרים, אבל בעיקר - אברכים ובעלי משפחות ברוכות ילדים שהרווחים הגבוהים סחררו את מוחם, עיוורו את עיניהם, ואפשרו להם להפקיד אצלו את מתנות החתונה, הפיצויים שקיבלו, או הכספים שחסכו לנישואי ילדיהם או למטרות אחרות. כשניסה אי מי לברר את זהות ההשקעה ומנין היכולת להבטיח אחוזי תשואה גבוהים כל כך, הוא נענה בתשובה סתמית ונשלח החוצה כדי להביט על  השלט הנמצא על גגו של המשרד המאולתר, המבטיח שהכל נעשה על פי החוק, באישור משרד האוצר.

It asks ," What has to happen in order that people understand  that  money that comes easily - disappears easily?" Aside from the familiar refrain of a financial scheme which was too hard to believe - it added another element. The scheme involved severe violations of the prohibition of ribis. The following is the interview with Rav Baruch Shraga.

ששה לאווים דאורייתא

אז נכון שאותם אנשים שנעצקי במקרה הזה ובמקרים רבים נוספים היו ברובם הגדול חרדים. אבל זה עדיין לא אומר שמעשיהם נעשו על פי תורה. למרבה הצער, ההיפך הוא הנכון. הגאון רבי ברוך שרגא, אב בית דין לדיני  ממונות ורב שכונת בגעת המבתר בירושילם. קובע שכל הפעילות הזו אסורה על פי התורה. גם אם נערך בין הצדדים היתר עסקה.

"כל ההתיר של עסקה היא כאשר מתקיימת עסקה, והמלווה הופך למעשה לשותף של הלווה. אם לדוגמא ההלוואה שימשה לרכישת דירה או להשקעה עסקית מותר ללווה לשלם ריבית בתנאי שבערך היתר עקסה. לעומת זאת, אם הכספים שניתנו בהלוואה שימשו לתשלום עבור ריביות, אין כאן למעשה כל עסיקה, ולכן הדבר אסור לחלוטין מדין תורה.  

"כל מי שקיבל ריבית כתוצאה מכך עבר על ששה לאווים דאוריתא, בדומה למי שאכל שש כזייתות של דבר-אחר רחמנא ליצלן. הגמרא אומרת שעתיד הכסף הזה להתמוטט ולהעלם, כפי שרואים במרבית המקרים הללו, כאשר לודמים זאת המספוק 'כפסו לא נתן בנשך... עושה אלה לא ימוט'. מכאן שאם יש נשך, יש התמוטטות,

"בבוסף, גם אם הכסף שניתן בהלוואה שימש לצרכיו הפרטיים של הלווה, או אפילו לנישואי ילדיו, אין כאן שם עסק והדבר אסור, בדיוק כפי שאין כל היתר להיות באוברדרפט עבור צרכי המחיה השוטפת, ולשלם על כך ריבית"    

האם יש היתר להלוואה בריבית  כאשר  הכסף משמש את הפעילות של ניכיון המחאות?

"גם במקרה הזה מדובר באיסור ריבית, מכיוון שנהוג לתת במזומן פחות כסף משווי הצ'ק הדחוי ושוב לא מדובר ברווח מעסק"

Israel has severe shortcomings in dealing with abused children - State Comptroller's Report

While the battle in recent years has been to have abuse reported to the authorities - the dirty secret is that the authorities often deal poorly with abuse cases - if at all. This has been documented in the recent State Comptroller's Report released this week

ynet     "The report did not surprise anyone who works in the field," Dr. Hanita Zimrin, chairperson of ELI, the Israel Association for Child Protection, said Wednesday, referring to the State Comptroller's report published Tuesday that revealed severe shortcomings in the treatment given by authorities to child abuse victims.

"After these thousands of children experienced betrayal from the people closest to them, they are betrayed by the country once more," Zimrin added.

According to the report released Tuesday, there is no regular, systemic and free program to treat minors who have been subject to sexual or physical abuse, despite the fact that thousands of children and teenagers suffer from abuse every year. The lack of adequate services can worsen existing trauma, the comptroller wrote.

 One example given was that of six siblings who were sent to a social worker after repeated reports of violence by their parents throughout 2012. The social worker requested in November 2013 that treatment be expedited, but the official go-ahead didn't come until April 2014 – and the treatment had still not begun by the time the report was written. Over the past several months, professionals in the childcare sector notified the Israel National Council for the Child of severe deficiencies and inadequacies in the treatment given by welfare services. One of the reports dealt with the authorities' treatment of R., a three-year-old girl who suffered physical abuse. At the end of 2013, the welfare services in the child's community received a report that she had arrived at kindergarten with serious bruises to her face and body. The incident was reported by phone to the welfare services, but was not treated by the authorities. [...]

Demonstration of how easy it is for strangers to lure children

CBS NY In a terrifying wakeup call for parents, a new viral video shot on New York City playgrounds shows just how easily children can be lured.

As CBS2’s Valerie Castro reported, a viral video shows a child being tricked by a social stranger with a puppy. Initially, creator Joseph Saladino, known on YouTube as “Joey Salads,” said what started out as an idea for a prank video morphed into a social experiment that has gone viral.

Saladino said he always gets permission from the parents first, and then pretends to lure children away with his dog named Donuts as bait.

“How many times a day do you tell your kid not to talk to strangers?” Saladino asks a woman in the video, before telling the woman he is going to do a test and talk to her young daughter and show her the puppy.

The girl appears excited to see the puppy, and Saladino tells the girl, “I’ve got some more puppies – you want to see some more puppies,” and asks to take the girl’s hand and walk away with him.

In the clip, he repeats the experiment twice more – each time with a little boy. And each time, shocked parents watch as their children wander off with a complete stranger and even hold his hand as he tells them: “Want to go see the other puppies? I’ve got a bunch of them – let’s go!”

“I just went over with the puppy and I just made a small convo with the puppy, and they felt comfortable because I had a cute dog,” Saladino said.

Some parents were not surprised. [...]

Parenting expert Erika Katz called Saladino’s work “a really important experiment,” and said parents need to teach children that not all strangers look scary.

“They have to tell them that sometimes, strangers can be really nice and they could be nice looking; they could seem like your friend,” Katz said.

Added Saladino, “The real strangers you’ve got to look out for are normal looking people.” [...]

 Katz said parents also need to avoid their own distractions – put away the cellphone and don’t get lost in a conversation with another parent. Parents are also advised to keep their children in sight

Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn: "Marriage Recognized and Not Recognized by the Torah" - Telephone Shiur #6 Wed night 9:30 PM

Telephone Shiur #6 Wed night 9:30 PM 5/6/15 Call 605-562-3130 then code 411161#

Marriage Recognized and Not Recognized by the Torah Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn/845-578-1917

1. What kind of marriage is recognized by the Torah?

2. When a Jew gives a ring or valuable object to a Jewish woman and says “you are mekudeshes to me” or a similar phrase, the woman is married to the man. EH 27:1. Marriage can also be created by giving a document of marriage to the woman and she accepts it, and it says that she is mekudeshes to the man who gave her the document EH 31:1. Also, if the husband has marital relations with a Jewish woman with intent to marry they are married EH33:1. Two Orthodox witnesses must witness any act of Kiddushin EH 27:2; 31:1; 33:1.

3. If witnesses know that a Jew and a Jewess are together and having marital relations, and we know that they were once married but now are divorced, we assume that their being together in front of witnesses or with the knowledge of kosher witnesses is an act of marriage and they are married EH 149:5.

4. But if the two were not originally married and then divorced, we assume that the two intended not marriage but Zenuse and there is no marriage. Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 149:5.

5. If a husband and wife are together in a community where marriage is often not established by Torah ritual but by governmental or social style, and the people probably consider themselves married, either because they are ignorant of the Torah or deny the Torah or ignore the Torah, we have a problem if kosher witnesses knew of them.

6. The Gadol of America, Rav Yosef Eliyohu Henkin zt”l, wrote in Lev Ivro that when two Jews marry in a secular ceremony but they consider it marriage, or the type of secular marriage has a name, civil marriage, that indicates marriage and not Zenuse, we assume that they are married. (Lev Ivro page 12). Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l disagrees EH IV:81. This is also a machlokess between the Ragetshover who is machmir and HaGaon Reb Yonoson Shteif who says the custom is to be lenient, see Teshuvose Rav Shteif #118.

7. If the husband and wife make a two ring ceremony, it would seem that both share in the act of Kiddushin, which could result in no Torah marriage at all. On the other hand, maybe the wife knows that her mother married with one ring, and she wants to give a ring only to be modern, but without violating the basic idea of Torah kiddushin. Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l wrote in Even Hoezer IV:13:4 that in such a case the couple must be told by the rabbi that the marriage is when the husband gives the ring, and the wife may give the ring only after she is married by the husband’s giving of the ring, as a celebration of the previous act of marriage. But if this was not done, Reb Moshe does not know what to say, because who knows what the couple was thinking?

8. Also in the time of Rav Henkin even secular people recognized the role of the male as being the head of the house and the woman he married came into his possession. Therefore, any kind of “marriage” would satisfy the Torah requirements. But today with gender wars and the women insisting on being equal to men “marriage” means not what the Torah calls Kiddushin, when the wife is possessed by the husband, but rather a partnership. If so, the “partnership” marriage does not create Torah marriage.

9. Because of this, couples without kosher Kiddushin living together in New York or other areas where Orthodox Jews live and the couple has a de facto marriage without Kiddushin, we have a problem if by Torah law they are married. If they are married and broke up without a GET, we have a problem if the woman can remarry without a GET. And if she does remarry without a GET, we have a problem if the children are mamzerim.

10. A woman in order to gain entrance to a country pretends to marry a man who is a citizen of that country, and she stays in his house, so that they both appear as man and wife. The man makes a condition he will do the woman a favor so she can enter the country, but she must stay in his house for three months and then she must leave and they will separate. Reb Moshe says she is not married by Torah standards. Igeres Moshe EV VI:112

11. A woman is married to a man in a Reform ceremony. The man and his ancestors were Reform. Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l in Igeres Moshe IV:75 says that there is no marriage. In that case the couple was together a short time and were not in a neighborhood with frumeh Yidden. Yet Reb Moshe says that if possible a GET should be given. But if this is not possible he permits the woman to remarry without a GET.

12. A woman wanted to marry a Kohen but she is a divorcee. So she went to a Reform rabbi and married the Kohen. Reb Moshe says that she is not married to the Kohen because the Reform marriage is not a marriage. And if there are Orthodox people who know that they live together there may be kiddushin from biah, but that only applies to Orthodox people who don’t want to live with Zenuse. But people who go to Reform don’t have compunctions with what we call Zenuse. So there is no marriage, because those who are hefker regarding Torah and mitsvose have no reluctance to make a Biah of Zenuse. Igeres Moshe IV:76.

13. In Igeres Moshe IV:77 Reb Moshe makes it clear that Reform people don’t make a ceremony of marriage acceptable to the Torah and they are deniers so that even Rav Henkin who considers civil marriage a Torah marriage would agree that this does not apply to Reform deniers of the Torah.

14. In Igeres Moshe IV:78 Reb Moshe says that a goy who is converted by a Conservative rabbi who is mechalel Shabbos who marries a Jewish woman with such a rabbi, she is not married. Rabbis known to be kofrim make invalid marriages and are invalid witnesses so she is not married.

15. A woman who met a man and they married in civil court where there were no Orthodox witnesses and stayed together only a few days. She is not married as no Orthodox witnesses knew they were together. Igeres Moshe IV:80

16. A Russian woman married there at a time when the government treated marriage as an easily broken thing and the government itself sometimes breaks up a marriage to serve the government. If the woman wants to be frum we can clarify what happened and find a reason to permit her to remarry. But if she won’t be frum we don’t have to help her get married and live in sin. Igeres Moshe IV:81.

17. See Reb Yonosan Shteif zt”l in his teshuvose207 is a Pilegesh permitted or forbidden. A Yevomo LaShuk who is a pilegesh is this permitted? See his teshuva at length forbidding a Yevoma LaShuk to be a pilegesh.

18. A woman finds out that her husband is a mumar. Is this kiddushei toose? See Reb Yonosan Shteif 103. See degrees of Mumar in teshuvose Yam Shel Shlomo #41 that perhaps applies in this case also. See also Ayin Yitschok I:24 about mekach yoose in marriage.

19. If somebody is married and takes another woman without kiddushin, and she stopped going to the Mikvah, and this goes on for many years, when she leaves the man, does she need a GET? Tsemach Tsedek from Lubavitch EH I:138 has lengthy discussion of this. He does not say a definite thing but concludes that there are proofs to be lenient. This is about a Pilegesh if she needs a GET.

20. Regarding Pilegesh see Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 13:7: “A Pilegesh who lives only with one man who wants to marry somebody else must wait ninety days.” From this it seems that she does not need a GET because it only demands a delay of ninety days. The Gro there #19 says that she wants to have children. That is, they are married in practice if not with Kiddushin. And it would seem that there is no need of a GET as this is not mentioned. See Even Hoezer 26:1 a machlokess about Pilegesh forbidden or permitted.

21. A husband is discovered to have a terrible fault such as being unable to have intimacy, we try to get a GET from him. If that is impossible, there is a great discussion in the Poskim. See Igeres Moshe EH1:80 at the end there his lenient opinion, and the opinion of the Gaon of Kovna in Ayin Yitschok EH 24 and Bare Yitschok 4 that this might be forbidden dirabonon.

22. Let us conclude that there is a great difference of opinion regarding many Jewish marriages, if they are valid or if people need a GET in order to remarry. We have previously discussed the issues of forcing husbands to give a GET that could make mamzerim.

Todros Grynhaus: The Gateshead Rav testifies against him in court

Jewish Chronicle   A leading rabbi has told a court that a Jewish teacher was “annoyed at being caught” when confronted with allegations of serious sexual abuse in front of his wife as part of a secret meeting.

Rabbi Shraga Feivel Zimmerman was giving evidence on Tuesday in the trial of 50-year-old Todros Grynhaus, a prominent member of the Charedi community in Salford.

Father-of-ten Mr Grynhaus is charged with five counts of indecent assault and two counts of sexual assault against two girls committed when they were aged around 14 and 15.

Rabbi Zimmerman – the Gateshead Rav – and one of the most significant figures in Gateshead’s strictly Orthodox community, was notified of the allegations by Mr Grynhaus’s cousin, Rabbi Gershon Miller, also of Gateshead, in 2010, and it was decided a meeting should be arranged.

Rabbi Miller, Rabbi Zimmerman and psychologist Dr Michael Schauder opted to tell Mr Grynhaus to visit them in Gateshead with his wife without telling him the precise reason.

Once at the classroom location, he was confronted with the sexual abuse allegations said to have been committed against one girl some years earlier.

Rather than protesting or denying the allegations, it is claimed Mr Grynhaus said: “What would you like me to do about it?”

With Mr Grynhaus’s wife Leah beside him looking “speechless and stunned”, Dr Schauder suggested he attend therapy sessions, to which Mr Grynhaus agreed, Manchester Crown Court heard.

Giving evidence, Rabbi Zimmerman said: “Up until a certain point I thought it was insignificant. Up until the point the charge of sexual abuse was made then I realised it was far more serious. I wanted to see what Todros Grynhaus would say about this.

“If he had denied it or expressed some remorse I would have tried to push further to restore peace, but since he didn’t, I realised it was beyond competence and let Dr Schauder handle it. [...]

The Shidduch Crisis: A spiritual explanation

Update  - Rap's Rebuttal

Guest Post Rabbi Yoel Small, M.Ed.

More and more Americans are choosing not to marry. The percentage of never married Americans over the age of 25 has more than doubled to over 20 percent. Forty five percent of these never-married Americans over the age of 25 either do not want to marry or are unsure whether they would eventually like to get married. (See link) Of those that do marry, over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. To sum up, we reside in a society that is continuously downgrading the value of families. 

Unfortunately, these attitudes have infiltrated our communities as well. The singles scene in the Upper West Side and Washington Heights neighborhoods of Manhattan - which hosts thousands of Jewish singles over the age twenty five - is one of its products. The alarming, ever-rising divorce rate is another one that has its roots the discard of the value of maintaining a wholesome family setting. 

Our community has also unfortunately been affected by a seemingly unrelated marital crises - the shidduch crises. This crises is unique in that it seems to only be affecting women. While several explanations have been suggested as the route cause of the crises, the age-gap theory is the predominant one.

There have been several initiatives that have been advanced to rectify the shidduch crises. One philanthropist, in an effort to ease the shidduch crises, has offered to ensure that, under certain conditions, each matchmaker will relieve $10,000 per match made.

The Rambam rules that when we see a crises befall our community, we have a responsibility to soul-search in order to understand why Hashem has brought this upon us - which will cause the  crises to leave us. The Rambam notes further, that refraining from soul-searching and attributing the crises to natural causes is cruelty. 

WHILE we’ve seen technical explanations as to why there may be a shidduch crises, have we seen spiritual reasons suggested? 

Is it possible that Hashem has allowed this shidduch crises to come about in order to save the Yiddishe family? As we’ve noted, we reside in a society where more than one out of every two marriages end in divorce, and the rate is continuously rising. Unfortunately, in our communities the divorce rate is also, sadly increasing at an alarming rate. 

What is the cause of all these divorces? While I cannot answer this question, the fact is that the vast majority of divorces are initiated and sought by the wife. Several studies have been conducted as to which party chooses to divorce. The studies vary in their results. However according the lowest study, over 66 percent of divorces are initiated by the wife and 20% by the husband (11% were mutually sought). According to one study, over 90% of divorces are initiated by the wife. That’s between a three to one and a 9 to 1 ratio. Many therapists have explained that the woman, even with children, feels that “she could do better” - find a better husband and selfishly abandons her marriage.

It is very possible that maybe, just maybe, Hashem created the shidduch challenge we currently face in order to protect and secure the Jewish family from these societal influences. A person values and appreciates an item that was difficult to obtain much more than an item that was obtained with little effort. A wife will value a marriage that she had to, unfortunately, wait and seek for a very long time, much more than had it come effortlessly. It won’t be easy for her to just pick up one day and say “I can do better”, when she is aware that “it’s a man’s world out there”.

(Rabbi Tzadok Katz once mentioned in the American Yated that NASI has conducted studies that have shown that certain communities have barley been affected by the shidduch crises. Those communities that are less affected are the communities that seem to be less influenced by secular society and are a lot less likely to seek a divorce, unless absolutely necessary. And their definition of absolutely necessary does not include “I could do better”.)  

So in conjunction to these fine initiatives being advanced in order to solve the shidduch crises, wouldn’t it be prudent upon us to internalize the value of marriage, the way Hashem would like us to treat marriage? 

As many segulos are available and suggested, I would like to propose one as well. Can we suggest that a segula for a young woman to overcome her own personal shidduch crises would be to internalize and appreciate the value of marriage. To firmly accept upon herself that as soon as she merits to marry, she will value and appreciate the marriage. Once married, she will feel a responsibility towards her spouse and will never, ever seek to end it to “do better”. Midah kneged midah, may Hashem save her time and anguish, and unite her with her zivug quickly. Omain!

======================Rap's Rebuttal ===================

There is no "spiritual shidduch crisis" – it's all (hu)man made!

Guest post by RaP

Most of society's problems are created for very real reasons that have to do with the people who live in that society. The talk about a "shidduch crisis" in the frum world often leaves one thinking as if it's some sort of disjointed inexplicable surprise "earthquake" or "tsunami" that has risen from the dark beyond or mysterious deep and hit us hard, when that is far from the truth.

Over many decades of observing the rising problems relating to dating, shidduchim, older singles, out of town singles, singles events and all the constant talk about this subject, it becomes quite obvious that for some or other reasons the real factors that are at work are often overlooked or are just too tough to face.

Here are some hard-earned observations and conclusions based on real-life interactions with people seeking shidduchim in the frum world, from modern Orthodox, Yeshivish or Charedi, to strictly Chasidish, in no particular hierarchy of importance:

Young people today are not prepared for the hard realities of married life. The luxurious lifestyle and catering to every last whim of children and teens does not prepare them for either dating or marriage. Years spent in yeshivos, Jewish day schools and bais yaakovs where teachers fear for their salaries and never really talk about the daily sacrifices required to meet and keep one's bashert. Never-ending amusement trips, summer camps, vacations and the many family happy events are not good preparation for practical realities like getting and holding a job, buying groceries, paying bills, and managing a budget, taking out the garbage and doing laundry, and the real pain of having babies, changing diapers and raising children.

In short there is a major disconnect between the chinuch offered up and the requirements of real life at the end of the day. Kids expect to have all their wishes met, all expenses paid, and be taken care of, when to date and get married requires that you take care of that other person you are dating, then your spouse, children and home.

So many people just prefer staying at home and eating Mom's delicious kugels and cakes rather than face the ugly cruel world out there.

Too many people are brainwashed by the need for "perfect looks" as if a nation of narcissists has arisen. Every boy wants a beautiful thin (and rich) girl who looks stunning, and every girl dreams of a handsome prince from some romantic tale. This is a common affliction in America and the frum suffer from it a lot even though they are not as involved in the mainstream culture. Yet hardly anyone cares that beauty is only skin deep and "sheker hachein vehevel hayofi" is a very real bit of practical advice.

How many people put Yiras Shomayim and real Mentsclichkeit before anything else? In short people's values are skewered beyond repair so that it's no surprise that a lot of folks can't hook up because they are lost in dreamland.

In some circles girls are educated to "support" boys in Kollel. This was a very vital and important idea after the Holocaust a "hora'as sha'ah" to boost the status of Limmud HaTorah in a world that had lost the cream of its Torah scholars in the Holocaust and to assimilation. But that was then, and this is now. Today we have hundreds of thousands if not millions of strict Torah-observant Jews, and tens of thousands of Torah learners with yeshivos bursting at the seams.

The reality now is that people cannot count on other's supporting them for long periods.

Even very frum families cannot do it because it is impossible to support ten scholars in every family if every family is "only" pushing for Kollel marriages. The frum educational system is still functioning as if it's in a world of Shtetels when it fact we are in world of wealth with high standards of living. The world of the Chofetz Chaim living in a hut with mud floors is long gone, today people require luxuries as necessities. Among the modern Orthodox they have another social sickness, convinced that every kid has to go to an Ivy League college ignoring that with that comes mixed dorms, and moral destruction. Yet for them it is "college ubber alles" no matter that most of those kids lose their Jewish identity on campus very quickly. Needless to say living on a modern college campus is the worst preparation for dating and marriage, and that should be self-understood but it is ignored for the sake of getting a degree, in anything, at all costs. It is a tragedy!

Tuitions and living expenses related to raising children, even for dating itself, are sky-high, and for the Charedi world what is needed is more income producing men. The Chasidish world is ahead of the game here, especially in America, they push their young men out to work soon after marriage and thus it's more doable for them to marry at a young age, while their modern Orthodox and Yeshivish compatriots flounder for a form of parnossa. Thus, young women often rebel and seek higher employment, which is logical, but then that locks them out of the Kollel-shidduchim. Working guys and higher earning women are a big part of the unmarried population and it's because they are being discriminated against for not being in Kollel.

Another major factor that contributes to girls being single in the Yeshivish community, is that unlike in the Chasidish world where girls do not go overseas to seminaries, it has now become "the divine right" of most Yeshvish girls in America, like the modern Orthodox girls do, to expect a year or two of an all expenses paid year or two of study, touring, and fun and games in Israel. During 12th grade she dreams of being in Israel, then spends a year or two out of circulation in Har Nof, then it takes another year or two for her to land and get down to dating back home in the USA. By that time she is already about 21 and she wonders why she is not getting as many dates. Unlike the Chasidish girls who do not leave home, get a good practical Chinuch in home making and being a good wife and mother who start dating by 18 and by 20 most are married.

It's absurd to read ads in the frum papers urging parents not to send their sons to Israel to help solve the lack of good guys, when the problem is the girls who should not be sent away when they should be dating instead and getting ready for marriage. But no, people must have their good times, nothing to do with preparation for dating, marriage or life, just another entitlement and desire for long vacations, being taken care of by Mommy and Daddy, and the easy life.

Then people wonder why things are not working out. How can they if you spend your life and all your money spoiling your children, giving in to all their whims, and then wondering why they don't know how to have a real relationship with a member of the opposite sex and be ready for marriage, parenthood, home-building and dealing with all the curve balls life throws at you and still be in one good monogamous healthy marriage for life, til death do us part, something that is becoming harder and harder to attain, due to our own very human failings.

Fixing the Problem of Liberal Bias in Social Psychology regarding issues such as gender, race, morality

Scientific American     Does Social Psychology need more political diversity? Here’s one thing on which everyone can agree: social psychology is overwhelmingly composed of liberals (around 85%). The question of why this is the case, and whether it presents a problem for the field, is more controversial. The topic has exploded out of our conference halls and into major news outlets over the past several years, with claims of both overt hostility and subtle bias against conservative students, colleagues, and their publications, being met with reactions ranging from knee-jerk dismissal to sincere self-reflection and measured methodological critique. 

A recent paper led by Jose Duarte of Arizona State University attempts to organize the existing empirical research relevant to this debate.  There are two central questions here. First, is the ideological imbalance the result of some kind of bias against conservatives, or some more benign cause, like self-selection into the field? And second, independent of the cause, would more political diversity actually improve the validity of our science? 

Duarte et al provide evidence suggesting that social psychology is not a welcoming environment for conservatives. Papers are reviewed differently depending on whether they are considered to support liberal vs. conservative positions, and anonymous surveys reveal a considerable percentage of social psychologists willing to explicitly report negative attitudes towards conservatives.  This shouldn’t surprise us. Everything social psychologists know about group behavior tells us that overwhelming homogeneity, especially when defined through an important component of one’s identity like political ideology, will lead to negativity towards an outgroup. We also know a thing or two about confirmation bias and all the ways in which it can affect our decision-making, and it is odd to suggest it might not affect our own. Or to suggest that it might in some domains but not the political. 

What about the consequences of this imbalance? Would more political diversity increase the validity of social psychological findings? First, as the authors note, this concern about diversity only applies to the small subset of research dealing with politically charged issues (e.g. gender, race, morality). They argue that having a range of political opinions in these domains would combat the pernicious effects of confirmation bias and group think by introducing more dissent. The authors identify several examples of research which they believe to be  “tainted” by ideological motivation, and based on their assessment of the state of the research in politically controversial areas, conclude that “the parameters [of the field] are not set properly for the optimum discovery of truth. More political diversity would help the system discover more truth.” Conservative social psychologists would test different hypotheses, better identify methodologies in which liberal values are embedded, and be more critical in general of theories and data that advance liberal narratives.[...]