I received these observations with permission to publish them anonymously. In the ongoing discussion of the impact of modern technology are who we are and how we relate to others.
Here in Beitar I regularly witness the following:
men listening to their recordings as they walk in the street totally unaware of their surroundings, of each other, of the traffic
men on the phone in the street totally unaware of their surroundings
men in stores on the phone to their wives taking instructions totally unaware that there are other people in the store and moving their person around without any consideration for people in front, behind or at the side.
mothers pushing their agolas with one hand and phone in the other hand conversing while little/tiny children trail behind totally unattended at the mercy of the traffic here and of the distracted drivers also on the phone
mother actually crossing the road on the phone with little kids in tow. i yell at them in english and tell them to put their phones away and look after their kids. it only raises my blood pressure :-)
fathers crossing the road doing the same as above - i do the same and some do listen if i do it nicely.
i saw - twice now - a young father on an electric bike with little kid on the crossbar, no helmets, on the phone weaving in and out of parked cars and the traffic on a main street. when i accosted him he just grinned maniacally and continued on his way. i have given up... can't change the world.
people are not in "the now". they are somewhere else.
a generation of kids are here where their mothers don't speak to them outdoors because they are busy on their phones. to me the kids look lost and bewildered and neglected. maybe it's indoors too.
men of all ages riding electric bikes on the crowded sidewalks - one of those could kill or maim.
what happened to "Bein Odom LeChaveiroh" i ask here. they can talk for three hours about an esrog and wrongly park in a handicapped driver's place without batting an eyelid.
talking to a friend this week - he said - we have fences, 'gedarim' etc but they have replaced ' values'. What counts is that you have a kosher cell-phone - not how you use it ,or the values that you express when you use a cell phone , a social medium or also a learning medium, provides more or less security and safety etc
ReplyDeleteWhy 'betar'?
ReplyDeleteThis happens every day on 13 ave, coney island ave, j and m, etc.
2. You skipped mothers leaving their most valuable possessions outside a store (don't worry, they don't forget their pocketbooks or their cell phones) in the baby carriage.
mother actually crossing the road on the phone with little kids in toe.
ReplyDeleteShe should have them surgically removed from toe as soon as possible.
This is a plague among general society in every city, town, state and country, Jew and gentile, religious and irreligious. Nothing particular to Israel or Jews.
ReplyDeleteSince when do they make phones with wheels on them?
ReplyDeletePS I have heard of this condition before where I child will start to grow in the wrong place.
Thank Goodness at least they walk on the designated side of the street for men and women.
ReplyDeleteYou said it in a nutshell.
ReplyDeletethe problem is that Jews have a strong mesora dealing with sensitivity between individuals - which is being ignored or replaced by proclamations of the evil of the Internet or smart phones .
ReplyDeleteSometimes we discuss "mental illness" on this blog. In the manner of a psychology professor I had in college, I'm going to use a more common colloquial term: "craziness".
ReplyDeleteListen up: there are crazy people out there. That is, there are people who engage in behavior that exposes themselves and others to more danger than if they exercised caution.
Thus, I am considered crazy by some because of some of the things I do. But I don't think I'm crazy because I don't think the people judging me have all the data. I have more data than them. Because it's my life.
So, maybe I'm right when I say I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm wrong. But for sure I find people trying to change my behavior most annoying. Unless I've sought them out (like a Rav). Or unless they give their unsolicited advice exactly one time, and accept the fact that I may disagree with them.
But those who are strident and repetitive come across like they are ranting. I actually happen to find rants entertaining and informative sometimes. Just not when they are directed at me. So, Kol HaKovod for the post; but real, effective, change comes from a lot of work.
Like working with municipalities to formulate and enforce new laws and regulations for the good of the community. But that takes money, effort and time. So much easier to blow the shofar online. And more fun, too.
It also requires some education. I was in New York 2 years ago and I noticed something very strange. Strangers actually wished my "gut Shabbos". Having spent many years in Brooklyn - Boro Park was not the place where such things happened. When I expressed my surprise to my relatives they told me that there had been a campaign to encourage people to be more friendly and to which strangers gut shabbos - It actually worked.
ReplyDeleteI think it is time to increase the emphasis about elementary human decency in sermons and parsha sheets.
I was at a bus stop shelter recently where a very chareidi looking adult was sitting smoking a cigarette amongst a group of others waiting for the bus. I told him that the cigarette was bothering me and that it was illegal to smoke in the shelter. He looked at me with great surprise "You mean my smoking bothers you?" He actually put out the cigarette. I gather he thought I was a bit weird but he was willing to humor me because he was such a big tzadik.
It is also a common sight to see avreichim and bachruim sitting on a bus looking into a sefer or talking in learning while the elderly, the pregnant or crippled individuals are forced to stand. It is also common for beis yaakov girls og to or getting out of school to take all available seats at the bus stop or on the bus - and ignore those who need the seats more. This is a failure of the schools and the parents to teach elementary derech eretz.
Community wide education is key. And a popular blog like this is a good place to start. I didn't intend my comment to detract from the value of the post in that sense.
ReplyDeleteThe operative term, I think, is "community wide". One person in a group wishing a "Good Shabbos" might feel slightly foolish if the Minhag of his friends is not to, even though he knows in his heart it's the right thing to do. But if the friends are aware of a campaign to encourage greeting others, it becomes a lot easier to break the mold.
must easier to control the masses by proclamations - what you eat, wear, read, listen to , phones etc tha support peoples autonomy and thinking so they grapple with ideas of how to behave with sensitivity
ReplyDeleteThese things may be wrong but to make it sound like something systemic to chareidim is wrong. Its an Israeli mentality problem. Simple. Israelis are more abrasive in general than americans. Why do you have to rip the guy in the bus stop! Many people wouldn't have put it out. As for the Bais Yaakov girls they usaually are the ONLY ones who stand up for old or pregnant people. When my wife was pregnant nobody on the train ever stood up for her exept the Bais Yakkov girls.
ReplyDeleteBy the way there are always going to be people who dont follow the rules or are inconsiderate, but they are still a minority. I also live in Beitar and see many more people doing the exact opposite of what this person is complaining about. People are caring and considerate and yes even if someone bumps you in the supermarket or in the street by accident or are not paying attention carefully enough most people will apologize. Why not look at the positive side once in a while?
ReplyDeleteWould you like to write a guest post about the positive?
ReplyDeletethe simple answer is that if there was an elementary emphasis on these matters - they should not happen or that they should happen only rarely. Justifying bad behavior because at least we are better than the goyim - is not a satisfactory response nor is saying that it is an American problem.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest you read the writings connected to the starting of the Mussar movement. Rav Yisroel Salanter did not - " well we need to appreciate the positive" or "it happens less with frum people"