Why does a divorce require the husband to give a Get and the wife to receive it?

   The Get and the Kesubah

Rabbis' absolute power: how sex abuse tore apart Australia's Orthodox Jewish community

The Guardian     Orthodox Judaism has never been exposed to such scrutiny. From a Melbourne courtroom, the torment of the Chabad rabbis was streamed live to the world as the royal commission into institutional responses to child sexual abuse probed the city’s secretive and powerful Yeshivah community.

Sharp divisions in the Jewish world have been exposed. Two rabbis, including one of the nation’s most prominent, have been forced from their posts. Whistleblowers, humiliated and ostracised for years by Yeshivah, have been dramatically vindicated. More victims have come forward. More criminal charges may follow. Yeshivah schools face a nightmare of civil litigation.

The cast is Jewish, yet the bones of this story are familiar to anyone who has followed the scandal of child abuse in Christian schools and parishes. Rabbis and bishops have shown over the years much the same failings when faced with a choice between guarding the prestige of their faiths and the safety of children. This story is about the dangers in any cult of blind obedience to holy men.[...]

Kramer had taught at the Yeshivah primary school in late 1989. The young American rabbi was immediately popular and immediately began molesting children. The number of his victims is not known, perhaps dozens, including two of the sons of Zephaniah Waks.

Waks was a most unwise man to cross. The Waks name is all through this story. Tenacity runs in the family. Half measures aren’t in their DNA. Their sense of right and wrong is strong and personal. As the father of 17 children, Zephaniah Waks had more than proved his dedication to Chabad. But in the end those children would mean more to him than any obligations to the sect.

Waks discovered the abuse in 1992. He says he complained to the principal of the Yeshivah school, Rabbi Abraham Glick. Within hours, Waks learned that Kramer had admitted the abuse. When he wasn’t fired, Waks says, he confronted Glick again, only to be told: “There is a danger of self-harm. So we can’t fire him.” [...]

Waks was outraged by the failure to act. He didn’t call the police because at this time he had no doubt that doing so “would be in breach of the Jewish principle of mesirah”. This ancient rule, still alive among the followers of many faiths including Judaism, threatens believers with expulsion if they take crimes within the faith to the civil authorities.

Waks called a meeting of parents hoping to pressure the school to sack Kramer. Hours before it was due to begin, he was told Kramer had been dismissed. What he did not discover until years later was that Groner had given Kramer an air ticket to Israel, on condition he leave Australia immediately.[...]

In 1996, Zephaniah Waks was appalled to discover another of his sons had been abused. Back from Israel for his sister’s wedding, Manny Waks had heard about Operation Paradox, the hotline for abuse victims run each year by Victoria police. In the history of combating abuse in many institutions and many faiths, Operation Paradox was to play an honoured role.

Manny told his father he had been abused for many years at Yeshivah, first by the son of a senior Chabad rabbi and then by Cyprys. He believes the abuse ruined his childhood. It was known in the playground, and he was mocked for being gay. He became wild and alienated from his schooling and his family. By the time of his Bar Mitzvah he had come to loathe the Chabad way of life. “I was lost,” he told the commission, “in the only world I knew.”

The police were called. Cyprys denied everything.

With the pluck so typical of his family, Manny confronted Groner in the street and told him of his abuse. “The conversation was a brief one,” he told the royal commission. “It seemed clear to me that Rabbi Groner was aware of the circumstances so there was very little I had to say. He said that Yeshivah was dealing with Cyprys and that I should not do anything of my own accord.”[...]

And Waks is still waiting for an apology from the peak Jewish bodies which did not stand up for him and the other victims. “They must apologise not just for the abuse, not just for the cover-ups. They left us out to dry.”

Another Chabad Rabbi - Daniel Walker - writes letter of support for Beth

update Friday 19th Another Chabad Rabbi - Bentzi Sudak - the CEO of Chabad in the UK:- wrote a letter of support   click link to see Rabbi Sudak's letter.

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Man declared deadbeat for failing to pay child support for another man's child

KFOR     A child support case in Detroit gained national attention after the man proved he was not the father of the child in question.

Carnell Alexander says he was shocked when he was arrested during a traffic stop in the early 1990s.

The officer told Alexander that he was being arrested for being a deadbeat dad.

However, Alexander didn’t have any children.

The case started in the late eighties when Alexander’s ex-girlfriend had a child.

She said she needed help providing for the boy, but was told that in order to get welfare assistance, she had to name a father on the paperwork.

She said she decided to put down Alexander’s name, even though she knew he couldn’t be the father.

That’s when the state started a paternity case against him to collect money for the assistance that was provided.

A process-server turned in paperwork, claiming that Alexander was given notice of the case.

However, the Michigan Department of Corrections says that is impossible since he was incarcerated at the time. [...]

Barry Freundel pleads guilty to 52 counts of videotaping women in mikveh

Washington Post    Barry Freundel, a once-prominent D.C. Orthodox rabbi, admitted in court Thursday that he had secretly videotaped dozens of nude women as they prepared for a ritual bath.

In a hearing in D.C. Superior Court, Freundel pleaded guilty to 52 counts of voyeurism — one for each woman prosecutors identified who had been taped within the three-year statute of limitations.[...]

At a meeting at the U.S. Attorney’s Office last week, prosecutors said there may be as many as 150 women allegedly videotaped by the rabbi as they prepared for a private bath known as a mikvah, according to three people briefed on the investigation. [...]

Rav Sternbuch's comments about his opponents who tried to force him to change his halachic rulings

מסיבת הודאה

שר התורה מרן הגר"מ שטרנבוך שליט"א כינס במוצש"ק את מקורביו וערך מסיבת הודאה על כך שאנשים ידועים – ריקים ופוחזים משולי המחנה מדברים עליו סרה בדיבורי לשון הרע וכיו"ב, ומבקשים להטיל את מרותם על ידי הפעלת טרור.

תוכן הדרשה מצורף.Recording of the original Yiddish

בתוך כך יוזכר כי כבר מספר שבועות הבית הדין של העדה החרדית מושבת לחלוטין, ולא מתקיימים דיני תורה בבית הדין.

הסיבה היא שהראב"ד הגר"מ שטרנבוך שליט"א חדל מלהופיע בלשכת הבד"ץ כבר כמה שבועות, למרות שבפועל הינו עדיין ראב"ד העדה החרדית על כל המשתמע מכך, וחברי הנהלת העדה החרדית עומדים בקשר רציף עם מרן הראב"ד שליט"א על כל השאלות העומדות על סדר היום, (ובפרט בזמן האחרון, לאחר שהגאב"ד הגרי"ט וויס לקה במחלה קשה עד שכבר אין בכוחו להשיב דבר ה' זו הלכה כבשנים קדמוניות), אבל בעקבות "שיבושי הליכי דין" שבוצעו בדיונים על מתחם "שנלר", אין המצב מאפשר השתתפות של מרן הראב"ד שליט"א יחד עם שאר חברי הבד"ץ עד שיסודרו העניינים בהסכמים (פנימיים) ברורים. 

Allan Katz: Setting Limits - Restrictions or Guidelines

Allan Katz    Parashat Terumah deals with God's instructions to build a Tabernacle- mishkan –to be  a resting place for God's presence. The most important component of the mishkan was the Ark of the Covenant – ארון הברית which housed the tablets – לוחות העדות a testimony to God's revelation. After the revelation at Mount Sinai, God would continue to communicate with Moshe and teach him the Torah in the mishkan =the tabernacle or also called  'tent of meeting' – אוהל מועד.

Moshe stood before the Ark,its covering and the keruvim, from between which God spoke to him.

The Ark-aron itself was made from 'acacia wood '- עצי שיטים. The inner box was made from wood and 2 other boxes in a sense covered or plated the inner box with gold, one from the inside and the other from the outside. The wood symbolizes the dynamic, flexible and living nature of the Torah which is made possible through the Sages- חכמים   and their application of the ' Oral Law' – תורה שבעל פה. The gold plating symbolizes the Torah and God's immutable and unchanging spiritual laws and methodology. At Mount Sinai, God gave the Sages the power to create Halacha- a legal system using God's immutable spiritual laws, principles and methodology. The Halacha governs every aspect of life and has the dynamism to adapt to changing times and situations without losing any of its authenticity and deviating from Torah's principles. It is because the Torah is not in heaven- לא בשמים היא   ,  the Sages have the power to create Halacha and we must follow them "ועשית ככל אשר יורך- לא תסור מכל אשר יורך " that the Torah has been able to adapt to changes and new situations and  yet remain authentic.

The way the Sages derive the Halacha- law from the situation and Torah principles gives us an insight how we should set limits or more important how we help kids set their own limits.

Setting limits and boundaries is an important part of parenting. However the way we set limits can impact negatively on the moral development of children, restrict them and thwart their autonomy and set off challenging behavior and the resistance of kids with difficulties. Limit setting should be used to create structure. It should not be used to restrict kids and make them feel controlled. One does not have to be controlling to create structure, and it is structure with its limits that offers kids more freedom.

The question - Thomas Gordon, the author of P.E.T – Parent Effectiveness Training says is not whether limits and boundaries are necessary but the question is who sets them? Is it parents unilaterally imposing limits on their children or are parents and kids working together to figure out what makes sense. When we 'work together' with children and collaboratively solve problems by addressing both our concerns and the kids concerns, and then brainstorming a mutual satisfying solution we have actually set a limit. When parents concerns are being addressed by the solution, we have set a limit in a collaborative way.

When we talk about limits and boundaries in general , the question then becomes what kinds of limits and boundaries are we talking about - how specific or behavioral should they be – are we talking about  boundaries and limits as opposed to broadly conceived guidelines that can inform a lot of our activities for eg  - a limit on not hurting other people, addressing the needs of others, being empathic, kind and respectful etc .Don't we want kids to derive limits and guidelines on how to act from the situation itself and what other people need ? If so, then our coming up with limits, and especially specific behavioral limits and imposing them on kids makes it less likely that kids will become moral people who say that the situation decrees a kind of a boundary for appropriate ways to act and I will be guided by that my whole life, An example would be the different thinking a kid would have when faced with a bowl of cookies and would love to eat all of them because ' I am hungry and I love cookies '. When the parent imposes a limit – ' You can take only one cookie ' = I cannot take more because mom said I can have only one or else, or where the kid thinks,' I would love to eat all the cookies but there are others kids around too and they are also hungry so I will make sure that everyone has cookies too.' In some situations the kid will offer friends and go without a cookie. When parents say ' you must share because I said so' and follow up with a patronizing pat on the head ' good sharing ', the wrong message gets internalized. I am sharing because mom says so and because I will get a verbal reward for sharing. And when kids refrain from doing something, we want them to ask if doing X is wrong and   how will doing X impact on the other kids and not ask - am I allowed to do X and what will happen to me if I do X.? The limits on kid's behavior, in other words, should be experienced as intrinsic to the situation.

The Torah gives us guidelines by which we can give purpose and direction to our lives. They will guide and inform our behavior helping us and our children to derive the limit from the situation itself, so that limits are experienced intrinsic to the situation.

We want to reframe the concepts of limits, not as restrictions, limits or boundaries that adults impose on kids, but our children acting in a moral way by deriving the limit from the situation itself, so that limits are experienced intrinsic to the situation.

Rifky Stein interviewed for the Mendel Epstein trial which starts today

NY Post    LAKEWOOD, N.J. — When a Jewish woman wanted a divorce from an unwilling husband, federal prosecutors say, Mendel Epstein was the rabbi who — for the right price — could gather a kidnap team to make it happen.

Prosecutors allege Epstein’s team would use brutal methods, including martial arts beatings, handcuffs and electric cattle prods, to torture the man into granting the divorce.

“If it can get a bull that weighs 5 tons to move, you put it in certain parts of his body and in one minute the guy will know,” prosecutors said the Orthodox rabbi told a pair of undercover FBI agents posing as a brother and sister trying to force the sister’s husband to grant the ritual Jewish divorce known as a “get.” Prosecutors say Epstein was recorded telling the agents the operation would cost at least $50,000. [...]

Epstein’s trial on attempted kidnapping charges starts Tuesday in federal court in Trenton. Several co-defendants have pleaded guilty in the case; others will go on trial with Epstein.[...]

“Without having the get … I have no prospects of getting remarried. I cannot date men. I have no future of having more children,” said Rivky Stein, a 25-year-old Brooklyn woman who says she is trying to obtain a get from her husband but isn’t involved in the Epstein case. “It just literally locks you in. You’re just entirely chained, and, in a sense, you’re controlled.” [...]

"My husband was raped when he was 14": Lifelong consequences of sexual abuse

Balaboostas    [...] Thirteen years ago, when my husband was 14 years old, he was raped. He was a young boy, who came from a family that never quite fit in however hard they tried. His parents divorced when he was 2, and he suffered for years as a result of that. At the age of 9, a judge made him decide. Mommy or daddy? Yes I repeat, mommy or daddy, “who do you want to live with?” the judge sweetly asked him.

My husband chose daddy, because mommy was no longer frum, stable, nor lived in the community, and daddy said he could still see mommy and he would let her come and visit. Mommy promised she would. But she never did. [...]

He was 14, he had a job in a local shop and got rather close with the owner. Until one day he got a little too friendly and raped him. [...]

My husband knew something was wrong. Something bad had happened. Being the technological savvy teenager he was, he managed to actually obtain the cd of the CCTV camera that had recorded them.

He decided he would go to speak to their Rabbi about what had happened. Surely his saintly Rabbi, who everyone in the community flocked to for advice, would be able to help him.

And so there he found himself, seated in his Rabbi’s house, telling him his story. From beginning to end.

Once he had said his piece, he looked up at his Rabbi, with his tear stained face and asked him “what shall I do? What shall you do?” and brace yourself for this response.

“You won’t do anything, you must not tell anyone about this or about this conversation, don’t tell your father, don’t tell your friends, or everyone will know what a bad person and boy you are, you will be shamed, you will be nothing. Now go and never speak of this again to anyone.” [...]

He did not blame the man that raped him. He blamed the Rabbi for covering it up.

When I met my husband at some point in our relationship prior to marriage, I was told about all of this. He confided in me, and I promised to keep his secret and support him no matter what. [...]

As every young couple starts their new marriage, one of the most exciting aspects is the physical side, the intimacy.In our relationship, we had it before we were married, although we had firmly kept to our self-made rule of anything but sex before marriage.

I first realised something was wrong when I would cry myself to sleep at night, feeling so rejected when my husband once again told me “I’m not in the mood tonight, I just want to cuddle.”

We had sex, but it was not as often as I would have liked or wanted. But after countless arguments, we just came to the conclusion that we were different from each other and we had different sex drives. And the good outweighed the bad, so we tried not to make it a big deal out of it. [....]

But that was when the flashbacks started for my husband. Every time he looked at our daughter, all he could feel was fear, and images of what had happened played in his mind over and over again. All he saw were images of himself being raped. He feared for our daughter’s safety, and he fell into a deep depression. [...]

He did not want to talk. He wanted to forget. [....]

And then it happened.

Our community exploded.

Headlines read as follows: “Hariedi Rabbi Exposed in Rape Sex Scandal”, “Prominent Marriage Counsellor Inappropriate with Married Women.”The list can go on and on. And then the big one:“Rabbi Resigns from All Positions”

During the course of these past few months, we have watched the biggest cover-up in our community unfurl. Finally, this Rabbi is being exposed for the heinous crimes he has committed. Not only did he cover up for rapists and pedophiles, but he was a molester himself. [...]

But finally, my husband is beginning to heal. [...]

I would not say my husband empathises with or understands the man that raped him. But to this day, he is not willing to press charges against him or speak to the police. Therefore, there is a pedophile roaming the streets of our community and has gotten away scot free.

And that is the hardest part for me. I need this man to be punished. I feel like he has ruined my husband’s life and my own.

I do not think that my husband realises what our sex life could be like if he had not been raped, or maybe he does realize but he does not want to dwell on it, because the harsh reality is that the lack of sex, has led to the lack of a pregnancy. We have been desperate for a second child for over a year; but until now, we have not been able to make that happen because of the lack of intercourse.

I stand by my husband and I am patient for him because I love him. I love him unconditionally, partly because I know he is my soul mate and partly, I make the extra effort because I know he has no one else in the world that can love him unconditionally. [....]

During the course of these past few months, we have watched the biggest cover-up in our community unfurl. Finally, this Rabbi is being exposed for the heinous crimes he has committed. Not only did he cover up for rapists and pedophiles, but he was a molester himself.

But as always, there will always be the poor misguided souls that will follow their leader to whichever depths of the lowest places they will go.There were those that fought back, and the fights are still taking place.It is far from over.

Divorce strategy: Wives try to use racketeering law against rich husbands in court

NY Post  These rich wives have at least one thing in common with John Gotti — they know their RICO laws inside and out.

The well-heeled wives are trying to use the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act — which famously took down the Teflon Don — to nail their wealthy husbands during divorce battles.

The women claim that their husbands have hidden away cash that they have a right to — and they are trying to use the federal racketeering law to grab the dough.

While RICO was enacted in 1970 “to get to corrupt families under the name of the Mafia, there’s a certain symmetry [with divorce cases] because oftentimes . . . you have the corrupt spouse in cahoots with others, often family members or paramours,’’ said family-law expert Michael Stutman.</ Patricia Cohen, the ex-wife of billionaire Steven Cohen, pioneered the tactic in 2009. [...]

A judge tossed the civil RICO charge last year — but that hasn’t stopped at least six more New York and New Jersey women from using the statute in a similar way. One of Stutman’s clients, Rivky Stein, brought a RICO suit against her ex, Yoel Weiss, in Brooklyn. Stein alleged that Weiss laundered money from an illegal importing business through his aunt and uncle’s plumbing supply company so he could claim poverty to the matrimonial judge.

Brooklyn federal court Judge Brian Cogan tossed the case, finding that the people whose merchandise was stolen, not Stein, were the RICO victims.

Chabad's official response to testimony at the Australian Royal Commision abuse hearings - Will Vienna be the next topic?

Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch, the educational arm of Chabad-Lubavitch in New York has issued a statement in the wake of the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse  hearing dealing with the Sydney Yeshiva and the Melbourne Yeshivah.

“The Board of Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch, the educational arm of Chabad-Lubavitch, has been following Australia’s Royal Commission proceedings into Institutional Responses to Child Sex Abuse. While we appreciate the need for patience as the process takes its due course, some of the testimony which was shared with the Commission is extremely alarming, and we feel compelled to comment even before the Commission issues its findings and recommendations.

We are appalled and deeply pained to learn of the allegations against individuals associated with some of the Chabad institutions in Australia. The information that has emerged is utterly disturbing, a profound violation of the non-negotiable principles implicit– and explicit–in any and every situation where the wellbeing of a child is entrusted to the care of an educational institution.

The first, foremost and overriding concern of every one of our educational institutions, and of each individual affiliated in any way with those institutions, is the protection—physical, emotional and psychological—of any and every child entrusted to it.

We are confident that the reports emanating from Australia are the rare and unfortunate exception to our institutions; however in light of the allegations now under investigation, we are reviewing procedures and protocol to see how these can be improved and enhanced for better implementation and enforcement. Indeed, given the devastating and long-lasting effects of child sex abuse now well-known, teachers, administrative and other school personnel who become aware of any incidents of such abuse, must act responsibly and report them to authorities without delay

The unfortunate incidents alleged to have occurred in Australia may have well been avoided if the institutions in question would have adhered to the Child Safety Code guidelines of the Merkos Educational Office. We will therefore take additional steps to ensure strict adherence of these codes by all Chabad-Lubavitch educational institutions, and we will continue to explore additional measures to raise awareness among school personnel, about the dangers, risks and indications of offenses of sexual abuse and misconduct.

We commend the efforts of the Royal Commission, and trust that their involvement in this matter will not only address the immediate situation, but that they will provide broader recommendations as well that will be instrumental in ensuring a safe, sound and positive environment within all schools. We welcome and value their insight.

The decision on the part of the victims to come forward cannot have been an easy one. But it was the courageous and correct one. For in their willingness to do so, they have contributed to a heightened awareness that will prevent other children from falling victim. The suffering and consequences of such abuses are often life-long, and as such, every instance of prevention is a life saved.<

In our ethos, every life is a world. Every child represents a world, worthy and deserving of our greatest investment towards their safety and nurture. The victims who have stepped forward to report abuse have surely saved many, many lives, each of them a world unto itself. For this, we applaud them. We pray that they will find healing and the strength to move on. G-d bless them with goodness and kindness.”