HaRav Reuven Feinstein, shlita,
Someone recently asked me to find the teshuva (Y.D. III 96.9) that your father wrote to you concerning your 20th birthday for his son's 20th birthday. It is especially relevant in your present situation in which your reputation and loyalty are keeping alive an organization which has become a disgrace and embarrassment to the Jewish people. Those who agree with me, will hopefully send a copy of this letter to you.
Yeshiva and Mesivta of Staten Island
1870 Drumgoole Road, East
Staten Island, NY 10309
U.S.A.
Phone: (718) 356-4323
Fax: (718) 356-5412
Your father described that birthday as the day you would become punishable for sins also by the hand of Heaven. He was responding to your request that he advise you on how you should conduct yourself the rest of your days. He wrote:
The most important thing is the study of Torah and to be engaged in the struggle of understanding it. Rashi notes in Bechokosai that this is needed in order to avoid making mistakes in halacha. Our Sages note that even the inadvertent errors of a talmid chachom are considered deliberate because he should have learned the halacha in order to reach a true understanding and then G-d would provide assistance to grow in Torah and to know everything clearly. This study will then lead to observing the halacha because our Sages say that the observance of mitzvos is greater than the study. Also your goal in life should be that for all your days that your sole activity will be involvement in Torah study. If that is so I am sure that G-d will help you and will send you generous parnosa with bountiful beracha. Because one's livelihood is entirely a gift from G-d Who sends it by means of what ever endeavors a man choses to do. This is stated at the end of Kiddushin (82b). It says that one does not suffer poverty because he picked a particular trade nor does one become rich because of a particular trade - but everything is determined soley from Heaven according to his merit. However, chas v'shalom, to accept this in the manner of an oath which is prohibited. Rather it should be strongly implanted in your thoughts and consciousness and you should do it without taking an oath.
Furthermore you need to train yourself in good midos. The main thing however concerns anger - for which it is necessary to go to extremes to avoid. That is because pride and anger are the attributes one needs to avoid most of all. If you wish to strongly deal with these midos by training yourself properly then G-d will help you. However also in this matter, chas v'shalom, to accept it in the manner of an oath as I mentioned before. It is also important to be careful to honor your mother. This is very difficult for most people because of the habits of childhood - therefore it is necessary to be extremely careful about this. That is because even if she forgives you, chas v'shalom, to rely on this. This that you ask whether you should fast various fasts - this is not appropriate for you and for all those who are engaged in Torah study because this can, chas v'shalom, lead to loss of Torah study. Even if it doesn't result in a quantitative loss but it will result in a qualitative loss. Our Sages (Ta'anis 11a) say that a person who engages in fasting is called a sinner. Similarly one should not afflict yourself in any manner but should increase Torah study. My words should always be before you and G-d should help you always.
With deep respect,
Daniel Eidensohn